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While You Were Sleeping: Star Wars on TV?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 13:27:00 GMT

The CNN-Ashton Kutcher "race to a million" literally came down to the wire. Found out who won by clicking here.

The new Harry Potter movie has its first finished trailer.

This whole "we didn't know she pregnant" thing is catching on all over the world, with the latest outbreak spotted in Michigan.

How do Jack White fans keep track of all these bands he's in?

More Bloomberg jerky behavior.

Perry Mason is real!

Jennifer Jason Leigh joins the cast of Weeds-- officially establishing the Showtime show's cast as the best on television, hands down.

The world takeover of Britain's Got Talent contestant Susan Boyle is still in shock about her overnight fame.

The Senator who replaced Obama has raised... wait for it... $845 this quarter. Hell, I can raise that in one phone call.

Zac Efron wants to play Luke Skywalker on TV. Hey, don't laugh-- George Lucas has had far worse ideas AND executed them.

Sloppy Seconds: Scarlett Johansson on Plastic Surgery

Sloppy Seconds: TGIGF for @JesusChrist

Cloris Leachman Wears Only Cabbage for Her PETA Ad

Sloppy Seconds: Missouri's Weekend at Bernie's... Two

Emily Farris — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 23:07:00 GMT

Jamie Waylett, who plays Vincent Crabble in the Harry Potter movies has been arrested on charges of possessing some magic herbs. [The Inquisitr]

What? More Star Trek? When will it ever end? [Yahoo!]

Remember earlier today when we said we had no idea what was going on with our state of Missouri? It gets worse. The town of Winfield, MO elected Harry Stonebraker to his fourth term as mayor yesterday. Too bad he died a month ago. It should be noted that this is not the first time Missourians have elected a dead man. [SNAFU-ed]

A crew has taken back a U.S. ship from Somali pirates! [NPR]

Bristol Palin's baby daddy Levi Johnston said this morning that certain members of the Palin family are lying liars and that he sure as hell was living in sin with Bristol. [Us]

Lindsay Lohan may be heartbroken over her split with Samantha Ronson, but Lohan's grandmother is heartbroken over the split-up of the Lohan family. [People]

Spring Movies Full of Steamy Sex Scenes, Apparently

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 16:20:00 GMT

Today's Entertainment Weekly blogs are all about sex scenes in movies. Sex scenes in Lifetime movies, even.

If this is a true indicator of what to expect, then Spring 2009 is going to go down as having some of the hottest cinematic love scenes ever...

First EW's Popwatch has this trailer from the upcoming Cherrybomb, Rupert Grint's breakthrough-from-child-star movie:

That's bound to be saucy, even though we'll keep screaming silently, "Ron Weasley's snorting drugs!"

Meanwhile, Seth Rogan's new movie, Observe and Report, is like that Kevin James Mall Cop movie, except this actually attempts to be funny. Of course, seeing as how this is Seth Rogan, there is a good degree of envelope pushing, particularly when it comes to the sex scene. According to various sources, Rogan's character has a crush on Anna Faris's makeup counter girl character and gets her drunk on tequila one night. While she's passed out, he tries to make out with her and gets a mouth full of vomit... or something. Then, it gets all rape-y:

"I sort of thought that our 'tender lovemaking moment,' [director] Jody [Hill] was like, 'Okay, you guys are having sex and you're going to have some vomit come out of your mouth, you're passed out and your boobs are jiggling all over,'" Faris said. "I was comforted by the studio. I was like, there's no way [they'll let this pass]. There's no way. I'll do it, sure, because I don't want to be a stick in the mud but there's no way this is going to make it in the movie." [Starpulse]

Q: In that unusual sex scene, did you actually consent? Anna: I said, “Why are you stopping, mother fucker!,” and I meant it. Seth: The implication would be to keep going, yes. Anna: It was great to see that with an audience. One journalist told me that she was ready to walk away from the movie, and then, when I mumbled that line, it’s like, “Oh, my God!” It was great to see the reaction from the audience. Seth: You can literally feel people thinking, “What are they going to do to make this okay? How is this going to be acceptable?” And then, she says the one thing that makes it acceptable. It’s perfect! We did that in one take. We literally had one camera and one take. I think it took under a minute to film that scene. [Movies Online]
In retrospect, Faris is happy her love scene goes all the way. "I'm grateful, I'm grateful," she said. "I'm grateful that the movie is unapologetic." [Starpulse]

Observe and Protect is out on Friday in America. Cherrybomb is expected to be released by summer in the UK.

Related:

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Top 5 Sex Scenes Involving Lingerie

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The Tabloids Have Only Just Realized Jason Segel Is A Sex Symbol

While You Were Sleeping: The Harry Potter Murder Case Ends

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 14:08:00 GMT

If any of our L.A. readers are going to see Kirk Douglas live on stage, consider yourselves very, very lucky... and envied.

The days of rock feuds have returned: Win Butler of Arcade Fire vs. Wayne Coyne of Flaming Lips.

Seems William H. Macy has always been babysitting Jeremy Piven.

If two Mexican drug cartels could set aside their differences, they could put a combined 100,000 henchmen to work against the United States... or take over the Mexican government, easy.

Horton Foote died at the age of 92. The Pulitzer Prize-winning playwright scripted the film of To Kill A Mockingbird.

Reader Art J. alerted us to the trial of a twin brothers accused of attempting to have sex with a corpse that looked hot in a newspaper photo.

A man was convicted of killing another man who appears in the next Harry Potter film.

Call us crazy but this looks like harmless fun to us.

And Robin Williams is in intensive care after complaining of shortness of breath. Gawker notes that his "older brother died two years ago from heart surgery complications..."

Bearded Men On Craig's List: Or, How We'll Get Scanner Emily To Move Back To NYC

Who Would You Rather: This Week's Newsmaking Naked Mens

A Very Important Annoucement from Scanner HQ or: Why Scanner Emily is No Longer on the Road to Becoming a Crazy Cat Lady

Sloppy Seconds: Evan Rachel Wood Goes There, We Lose Our Lunch

Emily Farris — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 23:07:00 GMT

Novelist John Updike is dead at 76. [AFP]

Don Draper on 30 Rock is going to give us serious sensory overload, and we're going to like it! Here's a preview: [Vulture]

Perv alert! Naked Broadway star ~~Harry Potter~~ Daniel Radcliffe invited Sasha and Malia Obama to "Hogwarts." We've not read Harry Potter so that probably sounds a lot dirtier and more grown up than it really is. [People]

Bill O'Reilly called Jessica Alba "dumb" and she did not like it. Not one bit. [Us]

News flash: Bret McKenzie and Jemaine Clement (from "Flight of the Conchords" for those of you who live in a cave) are not poor in real life. Did we really need a news story to tell us that? Um, apparently, we did. [Yahoo!]

21-year-old Evan Rachel Wood was spotted making out with her 56-year-old on-screen dad Mickey Rourke last night. Gag us with a lock of his greasy hair! [FOXNews]

Harry Potter, Most Kids Today: Unabashed Pre-verts*

Colleen Kane — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 16:46:00 GMT

In the wake of news that barely legal Emma Watson of Harry Potter fame is ready to drop knicker on film, and that teens in Washington state are flashing for the camera, comes more news along those same pert, dewey, and youthful lines.

Emma's colleague Daniel Radcliffe played Harry Potter and then did the play Equus where he famously appears nude on stage. He recently mentioned that a friend asked him if he was worried about getting an erection on stage. Au contraire.

"I said, 'No, that would be great! Rather the opposite takes place actually." China Daily further reported that Daniel would prefer the audience to see his "manhood in all its glory."

In further nudes, it has come to the attention of the entire media today thanks to a poll and numerous news stories that most of the nation's high-schoolers are a writhing, teeming mass of naked youthful abandon, and it's all being documented and passed around via pix messages sure to come back and haunt them later in life. See a rundown of the stats and stories here.

* Not a typo: a "prevert" is someone who is preverted.

Related:

No, These Are The Real Daniel Radcliffe Nude Photos

Harry Potter A Failure With Real Girls As Well

Daniel Radcliff Is Not so Fond of Pants

While You Were Sleeping: Emma Watson To Get Naked?

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 14:06:00 GMT

Catherine Hardwicke, who ruined it for female directors everywhere by having the biggest opening with the worst movie, will not be invited back for the followup to Twilight.

Jay Leno is sticking around late night after all. He'll host a show in the 10pm slot instead.

For $12,000, you could've had a boatload of fun with Anne Hathaway...

...the day after the Cracked X-mas Fundraiser where the actress auctioned off a drinking date with herself and a few of your close friends, we know that's as good a pick up line as any:
"I'm not usually very forward, but I thought if there was ever a crowd for me to do something like this, this is my crowd so I would like to auction myself off," Hathaway announced, "for drinks somewhere fabulous and basically get you totally s—- faced." Hathaway, 26, was embarrassed when her price kept going up... "Wow, I feel really good right now."

Keanu Reeves will make a brilliant, original, and totally not laughable samurai movie next.

Robin Williams on Sarah Palin. We won't spoil the joke.

A 70-year-old woman in India gave birth after fifty years of trying to have children. This is sure to be the plot of Sex and the City Part XVII.

Emma Watson waited a full eight months of being legal before announcing she's interested in doing a nude scene. Fortunately for you pervs, she wants to do one for Bernado Bertolucci.

Related:

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Leaked Photos: Jessica Alba Airbrushed, Before and After

While You Were Sleeping: Scrubs & Friends

This Week in Gayness: McDonald's Makes Jesus Cry?

Celebrate Banned Books By Buying Everything On This List

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 19:52:00 GMT

We forgot to remind you that it's Banned Books Week here on Earth... as opposed to on Mars, where some of these anti-First Amendment types like your future VP (the rumored basis for Voldemort in the oft-banned Harry Potter series) apparently hail from.

Here's a list of banned books, plus events promoting authors rights in your area...

1984

The Adventures of Tom Sawyer

Alice in Wonderland

Anne Frank: The Diary of A Young Girl

Beloved

Brave New World

The Bible

Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee

The Call of the Wild

Canterbury Tales

Catcher in the Rye

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

The Clan of the Cave Bear

The Color Purple

...pissed yet? We're not even through the C's... and, after all, this is a very abbreviated list...

If you want to express your concern, here's a taste of events going on all over the country. Find an event near you on this page.

San Francisco Center for the Book (ongoing)
Banned & Recovered: Artists Respond to Censorship

Black-Eyed Sally's in Hartford, CT (tonight)
An ACLU event "dedicated to appreciating the music of artists who refuse to let authorities dictate their freedom of expression."

Little Shop of Stories in Decatur, GA (was Saturday)

Wine and Cheese Party with readings from favorite banned books

The Nyack Library in Nyack, NY (October 4th at 2pm)

High school students will read from banned books. Additionally, we will have a Banned Books display for the whole week.

For more events, click here.

Related:

Big Brother Has Boobs and Our Attention

Olympic Committee to Stop Pretending Chinese Gymnasts Are Actually 16

Apparently, A Naked Woman Is Automatically Lewd And/Or Erotic Now

Nude Photo Book Just Made Famous French Actress A Lot More Famous

John Hodgman Has Great Taste In Women

While You Were Sleeping: All The Harry Potter Kids Are Getting Naked

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 13:42:00 GMT

Wonderful: right as Michael Lohan is tearing his daughter's life apart, his father dies. Maybe Michael will reassess his values now that the guy had to go out right in the middle of an embarrassingly public family dispute.

We missed out on Michael Phelps giving swimming lessons at the Y.

Is David Duchovny having an affair of just trying to promote his show, Californication, with this latest shocking report?

David Duchovny has entered a rehabilitation facility for sex addiction. [His reps] declined to elaborate further.
Duchovny plays a sex-obsessed character on the Showtime series...

In Other News:

John McCain will announce his VP today in a bad to take Obama down a notch after last night's historic speech.

Talk about historic: a man proposed to his lady at Mile High, right as Al Gore took the stage-- and Wonkette was sitting right behind them!

BREAKING: The RNC is considering delaying the start of the convention because of Hurricane Gustav... they don't want a reminder of Katrina hanging over their convention... Scott McClellan thinks this will allow Bush to blow off the convention unnoticed, since he is a political liability anyway... read more at the Washington Post.

By the way, this is the greatest post you'll read all day. Even if you don't agree with its politics, you'll certainly (we hope) agree that sicko religious zealots should be laughed out of stadiums everywhere:

Y'all remember the AP report of a "short video produced by Focus on the Family Action shows a man with an umbrella talking about his wish for rain as he stands in front of Invesco Field [before Obama spoke there]. The man in the video explains his desire for rain by saying he's against abortion and gay marriage and says he's "just an ordinary guy" who's looking for people to pray for rain?"

And y'all remember how hurricane Katrina was supposed to be God's punishment for New Orleans sinful ways?

So what will y'all think if next week's Republican Convention (yawn) is eclipsed by landfall in the US of not one but two hurricanes?

Y'all think there's a lesson in there somewhere? [End of post - Ed.]

A school district near Atlanta lost its accreditation, the first such case in 40 years, mainly for ethics violations by board members.

And Rupert Grint, who plays Ron Weasley in the Harry Potsmoker movies, is doing his first stripping/naked/sex scene-- or something like that. He's "stripping off for"

his first sex scene for Cherry Bomb and is excited about the flick.
'I loved the script,' he tells The Metro. 'It was quite a challenge.'

Getting naked is nothing, Rupert. Hell, Daniel Radcliffe does that every night. (PS: Hmmm... Cherry Bomb, you say? How can we be sure it's not some Virgin Teens Dot Com movie or something?)

Image via AOL.

Related:

Daniel Radcliff Is Not So Fond of Pants

Lily Allen and Kids From "Harry Potter" Form Youngest, Most Adorablest Love Triangle Ever!

Scully Wants Mulder To Die Masturbating in "X-Files 3"

Mick Jagger: "Performing is Like Sex"

Does Michael Phelps' New Girlfriend Wear Fins or Stilettos?

Michael Phelps Dresses... Up?

Who Would You Rather: Keeley Hazell or Sara Boberg?

Daniel Radcliff Is Not so Fond of Pants

Nicole Pasulka — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 19:15:00 GMT

Daniel Radcliffe is Harry Potter in the movies about Harry Potter. He's also some naked dude in the play Equus. And as of the fifth Harry Potter movie he's some naked dude who plays Harry Potter in the movies about Harry Potter. Says Radcliffe of his plans to de-pants:

"It's all old hat now, really!"

Yep, there's nothing like becoming a naked little one-trick pony. YeeHaa! Last time we checked Daniel Radcliffe was nearly a child and Harry Potter was a kids' book, so it's nice when all your artistic projects dovetail into one blissfully inappropriate naked extravaganza.

Sloppy Seconds: More Naughty Miley Cyrus Photos Leaked

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 20:20:00 GMT

It's nice to see Donald Trump doing something selfless, especially if it involves buying property and still somehow being selfless about it.

The troops give to Obama over McCain by a six-to-one ratio. We're thinking it might have something to do with that whole "100 years in Iraq" thing.

Kate Winslet says having sex with Leonardo DiCaprio in their new movie was "weird..." Perhaps because her husband was watching her:

But is was during a love scene that Winslet suddenly felt uncomfortable having her husband directing the picture.
She says, "I just kept saying, 'This is too... weird.' And Leo was like, 'Oh, get over it.' And I'm going, 'Yeah, a little reminder: You're my best friend. He's my husband. This is a bit weird.'
"I hadn't realised how much my chemistry with him since Titanic would still stick. It's great to discover we can just slip right into it, like muscle memory."

Is the next Harry Potter movie, now delayed all the way to July, going to bomb?

Frank Sinatra, stud to the end: his one shared kiss with Kate Moss sent the model wobbling, to the point where she had to take a seat.

Miley Cyrus can't get rid of this blogger/hacker who is spreading these photos of the star in her underwear all over the web.

And Leryn Franco and Victoria Pendleton shed their cothes to get a little more attention. Just a bit more.

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Harry Potter A Failure With Real Girls As Well

The Top 10 Most Overrated Movies Of The Past 14 Years

Freaky FAA Tapes Reveal Obama's Plane Nearly Crashed July 7th

Harry Potter A Failure With Real Girls As Well

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 19:23:00 GMT

Daniel Radcliffe fell in love with a girl last year, although he never learned her name. On Monday, he pulled one of those "The Girl Of My Dreams" stunts and announced his affections in a Daily Telegraph interview. By this morning, the same paper was reporting it had located the exact girl the butt-naked boy wizard star of "Equus" had been pining for...

But there's a catch... and no, it's not "this might not even be the right girl," which might also turn out to be true...

Disclaimer: We had nothing to do with the creation of the above graphic.

Yep, she's taken. He's some spiky-haired Sydney electrician (we're betting you're relieved it's not Corey Worthington) and has been stuck with her wandering eye for three years.

So what? Harry couldn't get with Cho, but he does end up with [NAME REMOVED IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T READ BOOK 7, SLACKER] at the end of the series, so maybe this isn't the end of this particular saga. After all, 23-year old Cassi McKay will be visiting Radcliffe's Britain for four weeks... and the boyfriend is either the coolest guy on the planet or the most clueless:

"It doesn't really worry me if Cassi wants to meet him (while she's overseas). I trust her."

Via the Daily Telegraph.

Sloppy Seconds: Pretty Young Things

Emily Farris — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 21:33:00 GMT

Chelsea Clinton can't get enough of the gays. And apparently, they can't get enough of her. [Queerty]

Suri Cruise is two-years-old. And still so fucking cute. We just want to squeeze her! [People]

If you are a pedophile, you might enjoy these "sexy" pictures of Miley Cyrus. [JustJared]

The other U.S. American Miss South Carolina will work for the John McCain campaign and like such as. [Wonkette]

We still have our high school class ring somewhere. Do you? What's that all about, anyway? [Neatorama]

Wired reports from the FIRST Robotics Championship. [Wired]

Ever wonder about the origins of Harrison Ford's kind-of dorky earring? Us neither, but you might be interested to know it involved Jimmy Buffet and drunk lunch. [Yahoo!]

When we first learned that Harry Potter star Emma Watson would replace Scarlett Johansson in a Napoleon biopic, we thought about doing a Who Would You Rather? But then we remembered that Emma was just a baby. Turns out she's 18 now. God, they grow up so fast. So, uh, who would you rather? No. Sorry. That's still kind-of wrong. [People]

Videos of the Day: The YouTube Nominees

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 20:27:00 GMT

View the nominees in all categories.

Lily Allen and Kids From "Harry Potter" Form Youngest, Most Adorablest Love Triangle Ever!

Bryan Christian — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 16:48:00 GMT

OMG! Lily Allen is coming between Harry Potter stars Emma Watson and Rupert Grint! Couldn't you just DIE?

Lily Allen caused tension between Harry Potter stars Rupert Grint and Emma Watson - after calling the young actor while he was on a shopping trip with his pretty co-star.
And when Emma, 17, saw it was Lily calling Rupert’s mobile while he was busy trying on a suit in Armani, she slammed the phone down on her.
[...]
Adds the source: “Emma listened to the person on the phone for a bit and then she said: ‘We’re busy right now, like you should be, Lily.’

Daaaaaaaamn! Hermione be all hardcore, bringin' the broom down hawd and shit! Hang on, are any of these people even dating? We thought Emma was canoodling with Daniel Radcliffe. And we must ask: Lily should be "busy" doing what, exactly, Emma? Getting over that horrible month she had where she had a miscarriage, broke up with her boyfriend, and got dumped as a lingerie model? Seriously, cut the kid some slack. She's got a third nipple, for crying out loud, and we all know what a terrible toll that can take on a person.

Oh, you didn't know she had a third nipple? Would you like to see it? So would we, actually, so meet us back here after the jump and we'll watch the video together, like a family should.

JK Rowling Comes Out Against Homophobia

Katie Halper — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 20:50:00 GMT

When Harry Potter author JK Rowling outed Dumbledore in October, we were a little disturbed. (JK, there's something called TRUST!) At least she did it in New York, a safe space. And for those of you asking yourselves "how did the disco-dancing Dumbledore got past their gaydar?" it's called wizardry, Einsteins. Anyhoo, now Rowling herself is coming out-- against homophobia, which she describes as "a fear of people loving, more than it is of the sexual act." Speaking to Student, Edinburgh University's newspaper (which must have a very good journalism department) Rowling said:

"There seems to be an innate distaste for the love involved, which I find absolutely extraordinary.The issue is love. It's not about sex. So that's what I knew about Dumbledore. And it's relevant only in so much as he fell in love and was made an utter fool of by love."

But Rowling isn't a total prude. She realizes homosexuality isn't just about the lovin'. And, like R. Kelly, she "don't see nothing wrong/ with a little bump and grind." Rowling acknowledges that after falling in love, Dumbledore "lost his moral compass" for the first time. So that's what the Brits are calling it these days.

Are Women Human?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 18:15:00 GMT

The Bookseller is hosting a competition on its website to determine the weirdest book title ever. Apparently, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows or James Lipton's tell-all That One Time I Got Oral From Christian Slater have been left off... leaving the above book and some other turds to duke it out...

The other masterpieces are entitled:

I Was Tortured By the Pygmy Love Queen [apparently not a sequel to Slaughter-House Five]

How to Write a How to Write Book

Are Women Human? And Other International Dialogues [it's 143 blank pages and then a one-word answer]

Cheese Problems Solved [this is not actually a book-- simply a cover with this headline, printed in a limited edition of 400,000 to calm the masses]

People who Mattered in Southend and Beyond: From King Canute to Dr Feelgood [anyone have a good Motley Crue joke to throw in here?]

and lastly, our favorite:

If You Want Closure in Your Relationship, Start With Your Legs [damn! and we thought our grandmothers had foul mouths!]

Dumbledore T-Shirts: Ah, the Lightning Speed of Commerce

sarahhepola — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 14:17:00 GMT

Even our father is wondering what the eff is going on with this "Dumbledore is Gay" stuff. He was all, “So this is a character? And he came out after the book? And people care that he’s gay WHY?” And we were all, “Dad, can we just talk about the Cowboys or something?” So anyhoo, there are Dumbledore Gay Pride T-shirts for sale if you care to join the pop-culture pile-up. Do it! It’s fun!

Guess Who's Out of the Flying-Broom Closet?

Nicole Pasulka — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 13:51:00 GMT

For those of you who thought wizards were too busy casting spells and making potions to have a sexual preference, think again. Dumbledore, it turns out, is gay. Welcome to the party, buddy. That beard should go over really well at Bear Night.