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Google's Gay Fail?

Colleen Kane — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 19:30:00 GMT

GoogleGayFail could be this week's AmazonFail, but it's contained on a drastically smaller scale for now.

The gay and lesbian news site BGay.com noticed an apparant bias in Google's AdWords program, when an ad containing the word "gay" was rejected with the message "Gay- Unacceptable Content."

A posting about the incident on BGay reads, "What's even worse is the accompanying text: 'We've detected that your ad may contain words often associated with pornography. Google policy prohibits the advertisement of pornography unless it involves consenting adults. Related content is not permitted on the website or as ad text or keywords."

"We don't believe Google to be homophobic, but they need to do something about their filters...Defining the term 'gay' to be pornographic and suggesting that it does not involve consenting adults is definitely offensive."

Another blogger, Rustybrick, tested the service by posting his own gay ad, with success. His take was that because he could post an ad, there must have been something else about BGay's ad that triggered the rejection.

As AVN noted, Google has a history of supporting gay rights, including their opposition to Prop 8, so although Google didn't respond to AVN for the story, this issue will likely be addressed. It should happen pronto, before another backlash like AmazonFail arises.

Related:

Amazon Rank Fail

While You Were Sleeping: Foxy Brown Joins The Nipple Slip Parade

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 13:12:00 GMT

Charley Pride: country music legend and our Hero of the Day, no question.

This man's stripper addiction costs him pretty much his entire salary. Dude, you can rent a harem in most countries, including the US, every night of the week, for what you're throwing away in English pounds.

Spencer Tunick won't be showing naked Irish people to Ireland after all.

This is a tragic(ally hilarious?) tale of Mile High Club action gone wrong.

Don't text while driving-- it can cost you years of prison time.

Google Voice is coming to the iPhone. In other news, Scanner Brian may be coming to the iPhone today...

We told you about how meddling Puritan Republicans basically banned porn at Maryland State schools. Thankfully, the students aren't giving up
so easily...

Did Sam and Lindsay really break up this time? And does this mean this is the last time we'll ever have to mention their names in writing?

And Foxy Brown slipped a nip in concert. That is all you need to know.

Website Stockpiles Your Worst In-Flight Experiences

Skinny Blonde Beer As Misogynist As It Is Gimmicky

While You Were Sleeping: Britain's Next Topless Model

Ryanair Stewardess Wants You to Join Her Mile High Club

Sloppy Seconds: Gwyneth Paltrow Has a Cure for Joaquin Phoenix

Gmail's April Fool's Prank Helps You End Lame Relationships

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 17:51:00 GMT

Google has been up to their usual April 1st shenanigans all day long, first with the gBall (from today's While You Were Sleeping post) and now with the Gmail prank, called the Autopilot, which saves you the trouble of actually responding to all the idiots who crowd your inbox with obnoxious invoices, outstanding debt reminders, and passive-aggressive jokes about your relationship.

Oh, if only this was real. By the way, we can see the page because we're signed into Gmail, but if you're still one of those sad AOL or Hotmail people, here are the highlights:

But our favorite part-- by far-- is the Frequently Asked Questions section:

FAQ

How does Gmail mirror my communication style?
The more Gmail messages Autopilot can sample, the better. With fewer than 100 messages, there may not be enough data to calibrate Autopilot effectively. You can adjust tone, typo propensity, and preferred punctuation from the Autopilot tab under Settings.

Ah, Gmail, we do appreciate you so... even though you'll never make this prank a reality...

Photo via. More foolishness via Google. If the above photos are too small, click them for a new window and resize.

Related:

New York Times: Iraq War Ends

A History of MIT Pranks, In Glorious Pictures...

People are Jokesters Today!

While You Were Sleeping: Miley Cyrus Dies in A Freak Car Accident

People are Jokesters Today!

Colleen Kane — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 14:15:00 GMT

It's April Fools' Day, so Whole Foods tweeted a link to their home page chock full o' yukks like the one above. Under "What's Cooking?" they list deep-fried pork eclairs, chianti-gorgonzola popsicles, and ham & asparagus shortcake, among others. They're acknowledging how they can charge through the teeth for organic anything, and they trust their consumers to get the joke.

The green celebrity gossip site Ecorazzi, on the other hand, did not, and Adult Video News and some others got in on the tomfoolery as well.

Ecorazzi mocked up a package for a line of vegan frozen food they'd like to exist. At the bottom of the post, in italics: "It's worth noting that today is April 1st."

Even so, when a friend linked this story on Facebook, someone commented on the link, "I'm not sure, but I think they're saying this was an April fools' joke. Wish it were true!"

Over at AVN, they're claiming their novelty awards site for AVN Novelty Expo was hacked early this morning by "Friends" of AVN Novelty Business. The "O" Awards will feature honors such as "Best Buttplug in the Likeness of a World Leader" Best 'For Novelty Use Only' Item That's Not Really 'For Novelty Use Only'"and "Best Inflatable Animal."

Here's an image from their "Running of the Publisher" event.

A video on Gunaxin claims a new kind of penguin can fly.

Twitter is offering 280-character tweets with their tweet doubler.

And from Scanner reader Apollo, here are two more: one from Google that's a little too close to the truth of their omnipresent omniscience, and one weird one from NASA that immediately owns up to being a joke. Isn't it better when they don't admit it?

Related:

April Fools: The Prankster's Prankster

Videos of the Day: "The Swiss Spaghetti Harvest of 1957" and "The Day Today"

Do as We Say, Not as We Do

Colleen Kane — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 23:00:00 GMT

Google Image Search comes in quite handy for the purposes of illustrating a story on the Internets. Why, we used it for this blog post.

But if the following screencap is not doctored, the traditional media sometimes takes up the practice as well (blame it on budget cuts?) and if not careful, the results can take a decidedly NSFW and not- safe- for- TV- news turn.

Look closely at the Krispy Kreme photo.

Related:

Google Launches "Mail Goggles", Bloggers Everywhere Stop Getting Laid

Accused Killer's Crazy Google Searches All The Evidence We Need

Model Suing Google Over Blogger's Mean Remarks

Source

Sloppy Seconds: Nine-Year-Old Girl Marries in Texas

Emily Farris — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 23:39:00 GMT

This is the best news we've heard all day: apparently Andy Richter will serve as Conan O'Brien's sidekick when Conan takes over The Tonight Show on June 1. Dear Andy Richter, while we love you even when you're not by Conan's side, please do not leave this time to do any more sitcoms. Thank you. [AntiCool]

And the worst news we've heard all day: there's a Gmail phishing scam spreading like wildfire this evening. We've already gotten two requests. Read this before you open any 'chat' emails. [Mashable]

Diablo Cody + zombies = awesomeness. We hope. [AfterEllen]

Is it possible that Cameron Diaz is finally going to settle down? [FameCrawler]

If you'd like to read some psychohipsterbabble that we can't really wrap our heads around read this. [Vulture]

Best headline of the day: "Man sues ex-girlfriend for hairy postcards." [APP]

This is really sad and (we don't want to sound insensitive) but also, sort-of, um, creepy? Maybe we're just heartless and can't quite get behind the fact that a couple in Texas staged a wedding for their nine-year-old daughter. Perhaps what bothers us most is that at that age, the one thing she wanted to do before she died was get married. [Video: CNN]

Oh, The Things You'll Find...

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 18:01:00 GMT

Gizmodo has been spending too much time on Google, trying to figure out what idiots and teenagers and idiot teenagers are looking up on the internet search engine. The results, if you're feeling lucky, are after the jump...

Our favorites, compiled by typing things like "How to" or "I have a large" into the search bar and noting what Google auotfills, are below:

5,310,000 pages from people asking or answering: How to get pregnant.
• 69,400,000 people asking How to make money.
• 32,600,000: How to get over someone.
• 3,290,000: Who do I have to be to make you sleep with me.
• 841,000: I have a large cat in my pants.
• 3,300,000: I have a large uterus.
• 112,000: I hate a lovely bunch of coconuts.
• 3,160,000: Why do I fart so much.
• 528,000: Why do indians smell.
• 63,500,000: Why do I sleep so much.
• 680,000: Why do I have green poop.
• 883,000,000: Why do I have no friends.
• 7,570,000: Why do I have diarrhea.
• 4,170,000: Why do I have so much discharge.
• 7,120,000: Why do I have to pee so much.
• 230,000,000: Why do I have gas or so much gas.
• 6,000,000: Why men don't call.
• 8,380,000: Why men lie.
• 11,000,000: Why women have affairs.
• 36,500,000: Why women lie.
• 42,300: Why Luke Skywalker is an idiot.
• 1,610,000: I would like to buy a hamburger.
• 286,000: I would like to extend you an invitation to the pants party (at Jason's house, in Jason's pants).
• 818,000: I think im pregnant.
• 442,000: I hate Indiana Jones 4.
• Almost 800,000,000: Who do I vote for.
• 114,000,000: I want a wife [114 million people are nuts]

Some we found on our own:

why i hated breaking dawn - 326,000 hits (um... what is Breaking Dawn?)

why i have to live - 1,340,000,000

my teacher has a crush on me - 467,000

i still wet the bed - 5,860,000

And more Gizmodo...

• 783,000: I have one testicle.
• 12,400,000: I have three breasts.
• 320,000: I have three testicles.
• 1,580,000: I have three girlfriends.
• 610,000: I have four sides, all opposite sides are parallel, I have no right angles. What am I.
• 126,000,000: When to say I love you.
• 2,730,000: Sleep is for sissies.
• 2,890,000: I smeel like poop.
• 1,400,000: I have a hard time swallowing.
• 338,000: I have a big bag of crabs here.
• 1,060,000: Sex is for making babies and revenge.

Read the rest here.

We're Just Not That Into... The Outdoor Lovemap

Lily Allen Invents Another Use for Google

Sex on the Beach: Zhang Ziyi Won't Go Nude For A Movie, But...

Model Suing Google Over Blogger's Mean Remarks

Lily Allen Invents Another Use for Google

Colleen Kane — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 18:19:00 GMT

Necessity is the mother of invention, so when Lily Allen found herself lacking certain information about herself last June, she simply Googled.

Lily apparently got so drunk at Glamour's Woman of the Year awards last year that she had to be carried out. The next day she discovered to her post-blackout surprise that she'd brought a party home with her-- with celebs, no less, such as Mark Ronson-- but couldn't remember the details of how she got home.

“But I’d passed out in bed and saw my Glamour award on the floor and thought, ‘How did I get home? I Googled myself," she told the UK's Metro paper. Sounds useful, and also like a nightmare. Sometimes it's good to not be famous.

Related:

Lily Allen and Kids From "Harry Potter" Form Youngest, Most Adorablest Love Triangle Ever!

Lily Allen "Snogged Lesbian Twins"

Spoon or Spork: Lily Allen?

Having a Healthy Vagina Does Not Involve Exercise

Emily Farris — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 22:19:00 GMT

Sometimes on a slow news day like today, we pray to the Internet Gods for a new sex scandal while Googling random terms to see what sorts of trouble we can get ourselves into. Today's words: "how to" + "vagina."

The first hit came from the always-amusing and not-so-always accurate wikiHow. How to Have a Healthy Vagina (different from How to Have a Perfect Vagina) spilled the nine secrets to giving your vagina a long, vigorous life—including but not limited to changing those pesky tampons!

Keep yourself clean. A large cause of infections happen simply because sweat or oils built up until there was nothing for it to do except fester and form an infection. Never fun. So bathe and shower regularly, and try and keep "down there" as clean as possible, without using a douche. Douches clean too much-- they take away some of the bad bacteria, but then they also take away massive amounts of the good bacteria. Unfortunately, the bad bacteria builds itself up, and you're worse off than before. Douching can also lead to increased inflammation (vaginitis). A simple washcloth, with a small amount of mild unscented soap and water works fine, but do not wash inside. The vagina is constantly flushing itself. So allow it to work the way it was designed.
Use condoms! Condoms, while helping to protect you against pregnancy, also help keep your vagina clean. Having unprotected sex often can lead to vagina problems as well as the obvious pregnancy and STDs.
Wear cotton underwear. Cotton is very breathable, if you will, and allows the vagina to get air circulating around it. This helps to keep things from building up "down there", and also helps maintain good skin around the vagina area.
Take out your old tampons. Leaving a tampon in your vagina too long, more than six hours, is a very bad idea. It can cause a toxic syndrome (TSS), as well as some very disgusting build up. Use smaller size and change sooner. Changing out pads often is also a good idea-- leaving a pad on too long can cause serious irritation to the skin on and around the vagina like diaper rash! So keep the diaper rash at bay, and change your pad throughout the day.
Avoid sprays and scented soaps. Actually, try and avoid soaps "down there" as much as possible. They can get caught in the crevices of the vagina and fester. And you have an infection of the vagina in no time at all. Sprays and scented soaps, though, are more damaging, as they are designed to leave a bit behind-- the scent, and you don't want anything left on the skin of your vagina at all. Soaps and bubble baths can also worse vaginal dryness.
Visit your gynaecologist regularly. Only your doctor can accurately diagnose any problems you may be having. If you do suspect anything at all, call and make an appointment as soon as you can.
Rinse Well. While showering or taking a bath, rinse your vagina with lots of water, especially if you use soap.

What about exercise?! We're going to boot camp for our belly and should probably be doing the same for our vagina.

[wikiHow: How to Have a Healthy Vagina]

Related:

What to do With More Than One Clitoris

But Do You Know the Plural of "Clitoris?"

How Not to Use the Internet After Committing a Crime

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 14:46:00 GMT

Facebook and MySpace have been leading cops to crooks for years. Recently, one woman turned in a guy she was about to go on a first date with because she found discovered, via a web search, that he had an FBI warrant out for his arrest.

This story is the first case we've heard of where the suspect initially incriminated himself by performing a Google search...

A San Francisco investment banker with quite a history of DUIs was out driving on January 11th 2005 when he hit, and killed 55-year-old Gurdeep Kaur. Lee Harbert, the driver fled the scene.

The story that Mr Herbert stuck to was that he hit a deer. Releasing him from the need to stop and assist with whatever he had just ran over. Originally police reports were for a burgandy Jaguar, and Lee’s was black. No way it could have been him.

The cops weren't sure he was their man, since his car had been cleaned up...

Police later searched his house and computer. They searched his recent queries in Google and found these recent search terms: “auto parts, auto dealers out-of-state; auto glass, Las Vegas; auto glass reporting requirements to law enforcement, auto theft.” [Yeah, That's Odd]

But that's not what will ultimately convict the guy. Harbert's later search included the words "hit and run," followed by his looking up a news story about his own hit and run. Of course, we've heard plenty of instances of teachers, already arrested, being convicted of sex with underage students after their internet histories revealed such memorable phrases as "sex laws between teachers and students" and "laws against underage sex." But this is definitely the first case we can think of where a guy was arrested because of his internet searches.

By the way, the guy is now serving three years in the pen.

Related:

MI Teacher Wants You to Burn the Sheets After Hot Sex

Teacher Sex Craze Spreads to the U.K.

To Catch a Teacher, Brooklyn Edition

Model Suing Google Over Blogger's Mean Remarks

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 17:31:00 GMT

Model Liskula Cohen is suing Google's Blogger.com site to learn the identity of the nasty bully who said all these horrible things about her delightful appearance...

According to the New York Daily News and other sources, the anonymous blog's entries included the following comments about the runway model:

"skank" "old hag" "#1 skanky superstar" "fortysomething" [she's 36] "may have been hot 10 years ago"
[and it's headlined] "Desperation seeps from her soul, if she even has one,"

Sounds like she has a bitter rival-- another model, perhaps, jealous of her supposed fling with David Schwimmer (you heard it here first-- but don't sue is, Ms. Cohen!)

Liskula responded in kind (well, a "liveandlove" did, but we have our theories who that is a cover for) on the post, which is now missing in action:

"Are you one of those little dumpy girls who hang off her every word? Or do you wait three hours in line at a club, when she breezes right in? [You're a] silly, silly fat girl.
"Tell me, are you easier to walk over or around?"

Sometimes, in anger, we say things that are way worse than the bullies who started the spat in the first place. Good luck in court, Liskula.

Italian Model's Virginity For Sale (And For Only $1.5 Million!)

Leryn Franco is Smokin', Has Pole

The Top 10 Yahoo Searches of 2008

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 21:28:00 GMT

We never understand why year-end best of polls come out before the year is over (meaning: we understood that the media tries to capitalize on the year before everyone stops carrying, but not why anyone accepts them as fact.) Top 10 movies, as polled by the critics who have seen all the year's releases already, but what if there's a major prostitution scandal and everyone starts looking up someone named Joanna Esmerelda Dupois in absurd numbers?

Yahoo isn't worried about our pesky little inquiries. It has already released their top 10 list for 2008 and although we've already revealed their #1 choice, once we caught wind of the runner-ups, we felt an overwhelming urge to burden you with this information...

10. American Idol. You mean, people don't get enough of this shit in its four hours per week?

9. Angelina Jolie. Must've been those $14 million baby pictures everyone was trying to catch a glimpse of without having to buy a tabloid magazine. Say hello to the free world wide web, People.

8. Lindsay Lohan. She would've been our guess for the #1 slot, which shows you how much we know about what men find most attractive.

7. Naruto. Apparently, some sort of cartoon character. See #8.

6. Jessica Alba. Yes, she has her assets, but none of them include talent, interesting personality, or newsmaking lifestyle. Why, why, why?

5. RuneScape. We're starting to feel a little bit left out of the loop here...

4. Miley Cyrus. We're almost relieved to see Hannah, scion of the Montana's, on this rundown, for reasons of familiarity only.

3. Barack Obama. Here's hoping the most popular related searches do not include the phrases "is a Muslim" or "and mom's nude photos."

2. WWE. Scary... although we figured eight-year-old boys are computer-trained these days...

1. Britney Spears. What hasn't been said already about a woman who was a has-been at age 7 and hasn't done a damn thing worth paying attention to since? Let's make this her last appearance on this or any list, please...

Via Yahoo.

Related:

Caption This: Britney is Keeping Her Kids This Time

Sloppy Seconds: The Curious Case of 130,000 Missing Breasts

While You Were Sleeping: Who's #1 on Yahoo?

Sloppy Seconds: Divorce for Amy Winehouse?

While You Were Sleeping: Leftover Edition

FCC Wants To Give You Free Wi-Fi

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 18:08:00 GMT

Last night, while we were busy making out with total strangers and getting groped in the streets of Manhattan, an historic event took place. Something incredible happened out there, people, and no, we're not talking about that Hussein dude pulling the wool over our eyes...

According to a story in Business Week, while the American people were speaking out in record numbers, the Federal Communications Commission, that Bush Administration disaster was trying to make amends for its past anti-First Amendment grandstanding-- perhaps out of fear of the anti-conservative revolution they're missing out on-- made a unanimous decision on wi-fi:

The country's top communications regulator unanimously voted to free up the biggest ever swath of airwaves to be used by the public for cheap high-speed wireless Internet access.
The vote came after more than six years of public scrutiny and decides the fate of airwaves that will be made available when television broadcasts switch over to digital signals from analog in February. A broad coalition of opponents, including lawmakers, musicians, and broadcasters, argued that free public use of the airwaves would interfere with TV broadcasts and wireless microphones. "I don't think I've ever seen anything like this [amount of pressure] from broadcasters before," says Steve Sharkey, senior director of regulatory and spectrum policy at Motorola (MOT), one of the companies that welcomed the FCC's decision.

Of course, don't get your wires all in a twist in excitement just yet. Wait for AT&T, Verizon, and anybody else who makes gazillions off of something we should all be getting free.

What do you think?

Via Business Week.

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: Guy Ritchie's Death Threat

How The World Watches Porn Now

May We Introduce You To Your Newest Time Suck?

While You Were Sleeping: The Trial of Keanu Reeves

How The World Watches Porn Now

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 19:14:00 GMT

Elmhurst, Illinois, you perverts!

Today, we were alerted to Internet Pornography Statistics, a website devoted to compiling mildly outdated info on how the world searches for porn.

Among its most interesting revelations: China makes billions more on porn than the United States does...

1) China made $27.41 billion from porn in 2006, while the United States made $13.33 billion. (The US still beats the Chinese in the per capita category by 17 billion dollars.)

2) These figures are striking:

Every second - $3,075.64 is being spent on pornography

Every second - 28,258 internet users are viewing pornography [only 28K?!]

Every second - 372 Internet users are typing adult search terms into search engines

Every 39 minutes: a new pornographic video is being created in the United States

...especially the part about every 39 minutes. Obviously, this doesn't include sex tapes, which are created every 14 minutes by celebrities.

3) The American city with the most searches for "porn": Elmhurst, IL, followed by Stockton, CA and Meriden, CT.

4) The top search phrase in the porn category was the word "sex." Surprisingly, "adult dating" was second and "porn" a distant third, with a 3% drop from 2005. We wonder what's #1 now? "Kim Kardashian ass," perhaps?

5) More females searched for the terms "Adult dating," "teen sex," and "free sex" than guys did. "Adult dating" and "adult sex" seem to be the search terms females use the most and the percentage of women in each category (18-24, 50+, etc.) spread almost evenly across the spectrum.

6) Guys and girls agree on a few things: the search terms "XXX," "Group sex," "Sex ads," "Sexy," and "Sex chat" were used almost evenly among men and women. There is some hope for us after all...

Read the rest here, via Internet Filter Review.

Related:

Today It's Porn Vs. Halloween For Kevin Smith

Olga Kurylenko: "My Treasure Trove of Topless Photos Don't Count As Porn" [nsfw]

NYU Class Teaches You How To Have Sex

Groupie Shocked To Find Out Pop Music Douche Used Her For Her Body

Sex Shop Etiquette... From A $9-An-Hour Sex Shop Employee

Review: Mail Goggles

Emily Farris — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 15:42:00 GMT

When I first heard about Mail Goggles—the program that forces you to answer math problems during pre-set hours of the night before sending email—I was super excited. I've sent one too many drunk emails in my day. That's a lie, I've probably sent 100 too many drunk emails in my day. Responding to a colleague's email after a party one night, I laid out, in detail, how I talked my way out of a ticket for public urination on the way home. I've invited ex-boyfriends over, responded to Craigslist personals ads and once even quit a job via a drunken email. While that last one probably needed to happen, it seemed I'd been waiting for Mail Goggles my entire adult life.

Though I'd trained myself over the past year or so to save anything questionable as a draft until morning, I immediately set about activating Mail Goggles. Well, sort-of immediately. It took me a while, and a few Google searches, to figure out how to do it (it's under Google Labs, by the way). I finally set it up so that I would have to answer intermediate math problems Thursday through Sunday from midnight to 5 a.m.

The first night I came home to Mail Goggles I'd had a few drinks. I whizzed through the five addition and multiplication questions and answered a few boring emails with a few boring responses. A whiskey or three doesn't do much to me these days—except, apparently, enhance my math skills.

The next night I stayed in. I watched TV and ordered pizza. I was writing and talking to my mom on the phone and, of course, answering emails. I had typed out a response to my cousin about a plane ticket and clicked send. A little box popped up with five math problems. I rolled my eyes. I felt like I had when I'd told my friend to not let me eat any more cookies and then I went back for a cookie and she tried to stop me and I was like "What business do you have telling me what to eat?" But, I did this to myself, so I needed to answer the questions, except—FUCK!—I got them wrong.

Apparently, I was much better at math with a little help from my friend Jameson.

Numbers were never my forte. I was in advanced trig in eleventh grade, but that's because I was good at problem solving, not because I was good at math. That trig class was the last time I'd ever really done math beyond halving recipes and calculating tips.

I gave the problems another try and Google told me to have some water and go to sleep. I told Google to fuck off, and saved all my emails as drafts so I could send them first thing in the morning.

Sure, I could have gotten out the calculator, or an old-fashioned pencil and paper, or even typed the problems into the Google search bar for the answers, but I was too mad at myself for getting into this stupid position in the first place. Did I really need my email program to babysit me?

While Mail Goggles will surely be incredibly helpful for many people who like to drink and click, unfortunately it's just a few years too late for me. From now on I'll take responsibility for my own emailing and leave the math practice to the college kids (who probably actually need it).

Let's revisit this subject when they can put a breath-a-lizer on my phone.

Related:

Google Launches "Mail Goggles", Bloggers Everywhere Stop Getting Laid

Five Things I Learned in Vegas

A Booty Call From Scanner, Er Salon, Sarah

Scanner Highs and Lows: Is It Really Ever About Anything But Boobs?

Emily Farris — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 21:25:00 GMT

What you don't know yet is that our mom flashed our friends at our book party...

Highs:

We wrote a book!

And if it doesn't sell well, we may have found a way to get through the economic crisis.

We looked at boobs, natch.

And then we put our Barack where our boobs are.

Is it actually possible we'll stop drinking and emailing?

Instead of punching you in the face next time you say "that's so gay," we now have a short video to show you.

When most people get $6 million book deals, we hate them; we're happy about this one.

You still have time to win some free shit.

We actually agreed with one of those "sexiest women alive" lists.

Crazy cat ladies, you're not alone!

Lows:

We decided we like Madonna again. For a little while, at least.

Sarah Palin told us that she and Jesus and mosquitoes will save the world together, while wearing sparkles.

And we thought we needed to hide those elementary school pictures.

We also thought our mom was crazy for flashing our friends at our book party; boy, were we wrong.

Scanner Brian missed it because he left to watch the debates.

This kid made us sad for the world.

Fuck.

[Image]

Google Launches "Mail Goggles", Bloggers Everywhere Stop Getting Laid

Ina Maier — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 19:40:00 GMT

In a stroke of what can only be inebriated genius, Google has launched a new Gmail Labs feature called Mail Goggles, designed to prevent you from sending those dastardly drunken e-mails you so thoroughly and no doubt nauseatingly regret the next morning. So, how exactly does it work?

Well, Google makes the fair assumption that the last thing any besotted sender would want to do while attempting to e-profess their latent and late-night love is answer a few mildly difficult math questions. So, Mail Goggles (when activated) offers up this handy-dandy "Are You Sure You Want To Send This Email?" Pop Quiz!

Now, while it's a noble effort, we can't help but point out that these arithmetically-oriented confirmation questions are not taking into account such mathematical savants as ourselves. (True story!) Which is why we recommend this version, thanks to Internet Superstar, TopherChris.

Try answering those bad boys 6 beers deep.

via Official Gmail Blog.

This Week In Gayness: Gay Leader Assassinated

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 17:30:00 GMT

Amazingly, Google (as a corporate megapower) is stepping into the debate over gay marriage: they claim they will do everything they possibly can to insure it stays legal in California.

Almost ten years to the day of his death, the Matthew Shepard memorial has been publicly unveiled at the murder victim's former university.

A teenage boy upset that his friend was apparently spreading rumors of his gayness has confessed to the murder of said friend.

The Orlando Fox affiliate first claimed it would film at Come Out With Pride 2008, now they're acting all Fox News and turning their backs on the community...

The trans Top Model continues to raise positive interest in this so-called "alternative lifestyle."

A Lowell, Massachusetts man is guilty of beating another man for being gay.

A 27-year-old university student in Bagdhad, who was leading the LGBT movement there, was assassinated while getting a haircut:

He was one of the organisers of safe houses for gay men in Baghdad and was co-ordinator of Iraqi LGBT in the city.

Peter Tatchell of LGBT human rights group OutRage! said:

"On 25th September, I received the sad news from Iraq that the coordinator of Iraqi LGBT in Baghdad, Bashar, aged 27, a university student, was assassinated in a barber shop.

Trying to end on an upnote for a change... the South African health minister, who thought it was wise to suggest vitamins over drugs for HIV patients, has been removed from office, thanks to AIDS and/or LGBT activists.

Related:

Gay Community Attacks McCain By Outing His Chief Of Staff

You Can't Argue With A Conservative... No, Really, It's A Fact

This Week In Gayness: Guys Making Out On CNN

This Week In Gayness: Discriminated By McDonald's

Crush of the Week: Jamie Clayton, The Hottest Transsexual

Teen Sex Most Popular In Kentucky... And Other Global Sex Trends

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 15:38:00 GMT

Scanner reader and Debonair Magazine writer John De Feo alerted us to this very interesting survey of global sex trends.

Did you know more people are Googling for lesbian sex in Louisville than in any other US city? Well, at least on the internet.

Among the article's most interesting findings:

Lesbian Sex

Average Daily Search Volume – 56,024
Most Popular In - Prague, Czech Republic
Most Popular U.S. City - Louisville, KY

TEEN SEX:

Average Daily Search Volume – 54,139
Most Popular In - Delhi, India
Most Popular U.S. City - Louisville, KY

Again, Czech Republic leads in several worldwide findings, including Anal Sex, Hardcore Sex, and Gay Sex, while Louisville also leads statewide in Gay Sex. (Virgina, meanwhile, has the most people looking for Anal and Animal Sex, although not necessarily in the same search bar)

Several cities in India are on the board, all of them for web-based bestiality hunts: Horse Sex and Dog Sex. Yum.

Check out the rest of his preliminary findings here.

Google Thinks You're All Perverts

McCain To Find His VP On Google

Look Both Ways Before Walking The Streets, 'Cause Google Maps Might Be Watching

Giorgia Palmas Becomes Overnight Internet Sensation Based On One Photo

Sloppy Seconds: What's Wrong With This Picture Of Brad Pitt?

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 21:30:00 GMT

Google is rumored to be negotiating its purchase of Digg... oh, for around 200 million freakin' dollars.

Vanity Fair mocks the New Yorker cover's failed satire with actual satire, kinda.

Hey, wanna be buried in an iPhone? Only if a nude Lauren Amborse jumps in there with us.

Maybe there's something to keeping your kids locked inside, home schooled for life, and unavailable to interact with other children: Amy Winehouse is planning to have five children, count 'em, five children. Of course, it'll be hard to procreate that often when conjugal visits are every six months.

"Compassionate conservative" columnist Robert Novak plowed into a pedestrian and would've driven until infinity and beyond had a bicyclist not chased him down and blocked his path until the police arrived. Novak: "I didn't realize I hit anyone, even though he rolled around on my windshield for ten minutes." (Okay, not an actual quote.)

Is CBS a member of the liberal media, like McCain says? Well, they're certainly trying to help him, it seems: his interview with Katie Couric appears to have been doctored to remove his once-a-day foreign policy gaffe.

Who is Katie Price and why is anyone reading her books, which she doesn't even write? Okay, sorry for that, but we're not sure why a model can't write has a book deal of any kind.

Brad Pitt drove around in a golf cart with two-year-old Shiloh. At the wheel. (Well, at least the kid was only reaching for the steering wheel.) Next time, perhaps his own seat and/or a fucking door might help, eh, Brad?

Is it me, or is Brad Pitt not as hot as he used to be?

CBS News Correspondent Embroiled In Career-Defining Sex Scandal

Controversial New Yorker Cover Even Dumber Than We First Thought

The Amy Winehouse Comeback Begins...

Accused Killer's Crazy Google Searches All The Evidence We Need

By The Way, We Just Got Banned From Digg (Digg This Post For Us!)

What Do We Think About Vanity Fair's Fake Celebrities?

Sloppy Seconds: Elizabeth Hasselbeck Not Sure What A Vibrator Is For

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 21:09:00 GMT

Holy shit, maybe cheaper is better: PBR is now the #1 (American owned) beer.

Maybe Maxim isn't so evil after all: They named Sarah Jessica Parker their "Unexpected Crush." Which is still kind of an insult, if you think about it.

Speaking of SJP, the Washingtonienne prostitute/underpaid Congressional staffer is about to have her own HBO "comedy" series, produced by the star of "Sex and the City." Please, enough with these cable hooker shows-- there have got to be some decent ideas out there somewhere.

Cover your ears, Britney Spears has been spotted in the vicinity of a recording studio.

Katherine Heigel isn't leaving Grey's Anatomy after all. Good, because that whole "brain tumor" thing they were going to use to kill off her character is so soap-y, and Grey's isn't a soap opera... is it?

Google's earnings this quarter were disappointing. Let us be the first to say, this is the beginning of the... naw, their world takeover rolls on, momentarily impeded.

Elizabeth Hasselbeck has never used a vibrator. Either her husband has the world's best dick or this story goes a long way toward explaining why she's such an uptight pain in the ass.

Do you all Project Runway? We couldn't imagine anything less appealing than a show where whiny fashionistas assemble magically hideous clothing, but apparently this Tim Gunn dude is hilarious.

Accused Killer's Crazy Google Searches All The Evidence We Need

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 20:41:00 GMT

His DNA is on the gun. The gun is probably his father-in-law's. He fled the country as soon as the murders took place. The wound to his baby daughter was caused by the gun being pressed very close to the body, indicating it was no stray bullet but a deliberate attempt by a hateful person. But the most damning evidence in the trial of the crazed British expatriate then living in Massachusetts are his Google searches...

"Half price escorts," "escorts naughty night life," "knife in neck kill" and "quick suicide methods" were all computer searches made from Neil Entwistle's laptop just days before his young wife and baby girl were murdered, according to testimony heard Wednesday in a Woburn, Mass., courtroom.

Naughty sex + knife killing + quick suicide = guilty, guilty, guilty.

Detective Lawrence James, a computer forensics expert, testified that after doing a Google search for "how to kill with a knife," someone with the user name "ent" on Entwistle's laptop clicked on a link that showed a diagram of a human body. The caption read "So you may be thinking of going for the aorta, Why not the heart? ... This isn't the movies. ... It's best to stab through the human ribcage."
That same user also checked an account at the Adult Friend Finder -- an Internet sex site that bills itself as the "World's Largest Sex and Swingers Personals Community."

The nude photo James used on the site was ruled inadmissible (apparently, Entwistle used someone else's picture as his own-- small dick much?) However, most legal experts agree it was a temporary setback to the prosecution's case, which is all but guaranteed to succeed...

Via ABC News.

McCain To Find His VP On Google

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 19:15:00 GMT

John McCain discovers the Internet, circa June 11, 2008.

While Barack Obama is going to find his VP slot with a committee of top-notch strategists and select from a list of 20 folks, John McCain is using an innovative new technology known as "Googling."

Republican presidential candidate John McCain joked on Monday that Google, the popular Internet search engine, had made investigating his list of potential candidates a little bit easier.

"You know, basically it's a Google," he said to laughter at a fund-raising luncheon when asked how the selection process was going. "What you can find out now on the Internet -- it's remarkable."

Golly, Geewillikiers, George! This internalnet is a wonderful place! I hear you can get pornographic videotapes by "downloading!" Hot diggity dog!

Okay, okay, it's getting "old," we know.

Via Reuters News.

Google Accounts Disparages User's Junk

Bryan Christian — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 14:21:00 GMT

Not exactly evil, but not exactly nice either.

[via laze's photostream]

When The SafeSearch Goes Off, It's On

Emily Farris — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 15:11:00 GMT

Sometimes we're a little behind when it comes to learning things that everyone else in the world already knows, for example, did you know you can watch YouTube clips in full-screen mode? We just learned this. Anyway, you'd think, being bloggers for Nerve, we'd have thought to turn off SafeSearch on Google Images months ago—except we didn't know it was on. Apparently, "safe" is the default setting, which makes complete sense. But holy shit, we took it off and seconds later we were seeing Lindsay Lohan's vagina and Heath Ledger's penis... things that have been around The Internets for quite a while, but we're still perfectly willing to share with you after the jump.

You didn't think we were actually going to post big ones, did you? Turn off your SafeSearch and go find it yourself, pervert.

Wikipedia Dumping Story Gets Even Weirder

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 19:50:00 GMT

Jimmy Wales, the socialite co-founder of Wikipedia, dumped girlfriend, Canadian neoconservative TV personality Rachel Marsden, via Wikipedia entry. But the story just gets more and more absurd, to the point where every twist and turn is sure to be a "disputed" and possibly "removed" entry one day...

First, a quick rundown of the facts and the rumors:

1) Jimmy met Rachel via the interwebs when her Wikipedia entry became a battleground for her supporters and detractors.

2) Valleywag claims Jimmy told Rachel, via IM, that he had to finish cleaning up her page before they got naked: "Because the last thing I want to do is take a break from f***ing your brains out all night to work on your Wikipedia entry :)"

3) After their first conjugal visit, the two exchanged these gag-inducing messages:

Wales: "I am supposed to be designing a Google-killing search engine so I can buy a jet."

Marsden replied: "Yes!!! So we have something else to have sex on!"

4) They continued pursuing each other, again via IM:

“btw, i am recovered from 24 hours of marathon sex. lol.”

“When you talk about megabits and broadband, you have no idea what that does to me.”

5) Now it's weeks later and Jimmy dumps her via Wikipedia entry, now since moved to his personal blog. Traffic much? According to the Sydney Morning Herald:

Marsden told The Canadian Press that "[i]t didn't really help matters that Jimmy chose to announce the breakup to the entire world via Wikipedia."

6) A scorned woman, i.e. Rachel, posted the following e-bay auction of Jimmy's clothes:

Both of these items have been washed, twice, with Tide extra-strength liquid detergent. Otherwise, they would not be in salable condition. I took them out of GitMo style isolation from a plastic bag in my closet (where they were placed to prevent the ongoing terrorism of my olfactory senses) and washed them out for the purposes of this auction.

7) As of "press time," the sweater has a high bid of $857.47. The bidder? "s***t."

Can I Wear The Obama Mask Now?

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 18:45:00 GMT

Apparently, our Google Alert for Barack Obama doesn't cover the Houston-area "Men Seeking Men" section of Craigslist.

A nine-inch penis from Atlanta in town on business is advertising itself for a casual but memorable encounter. It sounds eerily similar to a scenario made up by a very stankin' con artist with way too much time on his hands: pick me up and take me back to your hotel room, where we will pound each other and swap Obama masks.

Poor Obama. First there's the whole Muslim thing, then there's that whole gay thing, then there's that whole Muslim thing, then there's this gay thing. In case it gets pulled by some overly-sensititive Barry fans, here's the text, followed by the actual link via Fleshbot:

houston craigslist > men seeking men

Hung Black Male (9)_Seeks White Masc Bottom To Pound Wearing Obama Msk - 34

Reply to: pers-583071497@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-02-22, 1:34PM CST

I am an attractive, in shape hung (9 inches) black male from Atlanta here on business. I am looking for a masculine white male to service me, then get pounded in my hotel room today or tomorrow (saturday). Send your pics, stats and background info. I want to wear my Obama mask while I pound you.

Location: Hilton Americas

Via Fleshbot.

January 2006 Apparently a Watershed Moment for Ultra-Hardcore Sex Act

Bryan Christian — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 13:00:00 GMT

All right kids, now's your chance to solve an Internet mystery. What the heck happened in January 2006 to make Google searches for "anal fisting" shoot up? Reddit's all lit up with the question, but since y'all got a certain amount of expertise in the field of kink, maybe you got some ideas? LIke, did a particular porn come out? Maybe a sex scandal or an obscenity trial blew up? Or did something happen on Desperate Housewives that we never heard about?

Oh, maybe you didn't know that you could chart the numbers for various Google searches using Google Trends? Well, check it out -- you can duplicate the "anal fisting" search yourself by clicking here, and you can change or add terms to search really easily. (For example, here's the original search from Reddit, which compared "anal fisting" to something that the porn industry refers to as "ATM," and which even we're a little shy of saying here -- but it sure don't involve your debit card. Unless you're Seymore Butts.)

Have fun, and get back to us if you can crack this one!

There's Something Wrong With Google News: No Sex!

Emily Farris — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 16:55:00 GMT

Imagine what would happen if you woke up one day, and there was no sex! Well, kids, it happened to us today.

No Surprise: Self-Googling on the Rise

Emily Farris — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 16:21:00 GMT

No, we did not intend for that headline to rhyme, but then it was so damn cute we had to leave it. Anyway, any person who tries to tell us he doesn't Google himself is full of shit. Well, at least 47% of people who tell us that are full of shit, according to Wired. But we wonder if we're pushing up the numbers by Googling ourselves every day...

[AP via Wired]

	Every second* - $3,075.64 is being spent on pornography*
	Every second - 28,258* internet users are viewing pornography* [only 28K?!]
	Every second - 372* Internet users are typing adult search terms into search engines*
	Every 39 minutes: a new pornographic video* is being created in the United States*