Scanner : golden globes

The AVN Awards "CockWow" Sketch: "Porn's Golden Globes" Does Comedy

Emily Farris — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 19:39:00 GMT

VIA THE REMOTE ISLAND: All y'all dumbasses that thought that the AVN Awards were porn's Oscars, think again! For one thing, in the pre-show to Showtime's telecast Saturday (delayed months from the January ceremony for what reason???), Best Starlet nominee Sunny Leone opined that it was more like the Golden Globes, which is an analysis that may provide some sort of unimagined insight into the Hollywood Foreign Press, but most likely was just a prearranged segue for red carpet anchor Dave Navarro to talk about her shiny round boobs.

And for another thing, well, we don't remember Billy Crystal ever starring in comedy bits that involved dildos or saying the words "pussy juice". That's totally Golden Globes style, right Jack Nicholson's talking asshole?

Not for the faint of heart, and very defintely NSFW, but we couldn't help ourselves. It's a rarity for porn comedy to be both topical and amusing, and besides, this was too weird not to post.

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The Great Tina vs. Kate Debate Rages On

Emily Farris — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 22:05:00 GMT

Yesterday we asked which award winner you'd rather and the comments are still rolling in...

As Scanner Brian mentioned [yesterday] morning, Tina Fey and Kate Winslet are sweeping 2009 awards, both taking home Golden Globes and SAG honors. And in the spirit of keeping women catty and pitted against each other, we have to know which one you'd rather. So, who will it be? The challenger and funny girl of every man's dreams, Tina Fey, or our reigning champ from the WWYR Golden Globes Edition, the sultry Brit Kate Winslet? Decisions, decisions!

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Who Would You Rather: Tina Fey vs. Kate Winslet?

Emily Farris — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 23:13:00 GMT

As Scanner Brian mentioned this morning, Tina Fey and Kate Winslet are sweeping 2009 awards, both taking home Golden Globes and SAG honors. And in the spirit of keeping women catty and pitted against each other, we have to know which one you'd rather. So, who will it be? The challenger and funny girl of every man's dreams, Tina Fey, or our reigning champ from the WWYR Golden Globes Edition, the sultry Brit Kate Winslet? Decisions, decisions!

Related:

Tina Fey Tells Everyone to 'Suck it' at the Golden Globes

Top 10 Reasons To Watch 30 Rock

Who Would You Rather: Golden Globes Edition (Kate vs. Sue)

[Image, Image]

Who Would You Rather: Golden Globes Edition (Kate vs. Sue)

Emily Farris — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 22:33:00 GMT

Even though she was left off of Scanner Ina's best dressed list for last night's Golden Globes, we think Kate Winslet looked amaaaaazing. We're glad her second speech went on and on and on because we didn't want to take our eyes off of her. Equally stunning, however, was the always beautiful Susan Sarandon (in her pants and all).

Related:

Golden Globes Best Dressed: How J-Lo's Ass Finally Won Us Over

Golden Globes Worst Dressed: WTF Was Up With The Hair?

Retro Masturbation Material: Susan Sarandon

Top 5 Susan Sarandon Sex Scenes

Tina Fey Tells Everyone to 'Suck it' at the Golden Globes

Scanner Matt — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 21:11:00 GMT

After winning a best actress trophy for "30 Rock," Fey thanked the people who support her, but told others to, well, "suck it".

Here she is in all her glory:

Though Tracy Morgan was funnier:

And Sacha Baron Cohen takes a nice shot at Madonna:

Related:

The Porno Oscars

And the Role of Oscar Host Goes to...

When Tina Fey Was "Fat"

When Tina Fey Was "Fat," Her Cups Runnethed Over

Stop Saying the New Tina Fey Catchphrase

PapSmeared: Miley Cyrus Explains What Girls Have Down There

Emily Farris — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 18:01:00 GMT

We know Scanner Ina already highlighted Miley Cyrus' Golden Globe wardobe FAIL, and we know that we have no room to criticize anyone for unladylike behavior, but really, Miley? Really? Do even you know where you are? (Hint: it's not the Kids' Choice Awards.)

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Golden Globes Worst Dressed: WTF Was Up With The Hair?

Ina Maier — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 15:19:00 GMT

Now, best dressed is fun and all, but it's time to get down to business. Who looked bad, who looked worse, and who looked positively fugly, comin' right up!

(More interested in the Best Dressed List? You can find it here.)

Beyonce, too low in all the wrong places, too high in all the others. We love you, we love Single Ladies, but this is too much.

Why so serious, Jennifer Carpenter? You're the star of a hit show, you just got married to your ~~brother~~ boyfriend, and you've got a pretty rockin' bod. Cheer up. (Apologies if the Joker joke was in poor taste. Speaking of which: congrats, Heath!)

So, here's the thing with Drew. The dress is alright, pretty even. But the hair. What on earth is up with the hair?

Glenn Close will always kinda creep us out (she'll be forever remembered as the bunny boiler) but normally her style of dress is no harm, no foul. And then there's this: the mismatched jacket, the awkward stance, the hair (again with the hair!) and the godforsaken ugly pants. (See Also: Susan Sarando, "Pants: Ur Doin It Rite")

To be fair, this isn't that bad. We like the color, and Hayden looks pretty. But there's something too old about the dress, and something far too constricting about the top. It just doesn't look comfortable. And lord knows, we're not on board with not comfortable.

Ack! Christina Hedricks, what happened? We love you for Mad Men, we love you for your body, and we love you for the fact that you were once upon a time our sister's roomate. But honestly? This? The dress ain't great, the bag is just weird, and once again: what. the fuck. is up with the hair??

Alright. Miley, listen up. You wouldn't be here if you weren't a) totally annoying and b) doing a totally embarassing and totally mediocre job of ripping off Giselle Bundchen's 2005 Oscar look. Sucks to be you, and what's done is done, but you've learned this lesson the hard way. Do not try to go where the world's hottest woman has gone before.

Renee Zelwegger wins, hands down, worst dressed of the evening. The see-through top, the strange sleeves, but mostly, it's the hair. We're already scarred, but can't go through this alone. So yeah, here's a close up:

PS. As always, these best / worst list are most likely (in your opinion) glaringly incomplete. So don't be afraid, don't hold back, let it rip in the comments. We're desperately curious to see your thoughts, too.

Here Comes the Bridesmaid, All Dressed in Shiny Poly-Blends

Pammy Forgot to Wear Pants

Today in Golden Globes: More Info On Something We Probably Won't Watch

Golden Globe Nominees We'd Like to Make Out With: Most of Them

Sloppy Seconds: Kanye Will Pose Nude (Don't Worry, He'll Keep His Sunglasses On)

Emily Farris — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 23:01:00 GMT

Earlier this week Patrick Swayze was telling us he had two to five years to live. Today he was hospitalized for pneumonia. [Yahoo!]

Tom Cruise's Golden Globes date? Katie Holmes' dad. Weird. [Us]

Uh! You guys! This is so not fair! The media is being way nicer to Caroline Kennedy than it was to Sarah Palin. (Don't take it personally Sarah, it's just that everyone in media has been laid off, that's all.) [DailyIntel]

Nerve alum Will Doig rounds up the year in sex. [The Daily Beast]

Ummmmmmmmm.... [People]

"I definitely feel like, in the next however many years, if I work out for two months, that I'll pose naked. I'll break every rule and mentality of hip-hop, of black culture, of American culture," Kanye West told Vibe. We can't say we're not looking forward to that. [MTV]

Everybody Stay Calm and Think Positive Thoughts

Kanye West On SNL: Can't Sing, Won't Sing

[Image]

AFI's Lame Top Ten 2008 Movie List

Scanner Matt — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 23:28:00 GMT

Maybe The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is telling us something. Americans grow up to be children (who think superhero flicks and fancy cartoons deserve critical acclaim). Yet another list of the "best" movies of 2008. This time from the American Film Institue.

Is it us or were last year's picks (with the exception of Ratatouille) far more interesting? And no Slumdog Millionaire? No Doubt? This list is only 40% right in our opinion.

AFI AWARDS 2008

AFI MOVIES OF THE YEAR-OFFICIAL SELECTIONS

THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON

THE DARK KNIGHT

FROST/NIXON

FROZEN RIVER

GRAN TORINO

IRON MAN

MILK

WALL•E

WENDY AND LUCY

THE WRESTLER

We'll throw in the TV list too:

AFI TV PROGRAMS OF THE YEAR-OFFICIAL SELECTIONS

BREAKING BAD

IN TREATMENT

JOHN ADAMS

LIFE

LOST

MAD MEN

THE OFFICE

RECOUNT

THE SHIELD

THE WIRE

Related:

Golden Globe Nominations Even Worse Than We Expected

And the Role of Oscar Host Goes to...

Top 5 Chase Scenes

Top 5 Drunk Scenes of American Cinema

Top 3 Reasons "Twilight" Isn't Cool…or Sexy... or Worth Your $10

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Sloppy Seconds: How Kanye West is Handling the Recession

Emily Farris — Sat, 13 Dec 2008 00:41:00 GMT

The nearly naked girl Michael Phelps has been spotted with his not his girlfriend. Mmmkay? [Us]

Another one (of our potential future husbands) bites the dust. Sam Talbot, ~~winner~~ runner up from Season 2 of Top Chef got married in a secret ceremony last month, further increasing my chances of becoming the Crazy Cat Lady. [People]

If you're selling pictures you took of Amy Winehouse smoking crack, it's possible you were also smoking (or selling) crack and might go to jail. [Radar]

What does Harvey Weinstein have to say about yesterday's Golden Globe nominations? [Vulture]

Just in time for us to go all batshit on it, Facebook is now totally legit! Donald Graham, chairman and chief executive of the Washington Post Co, has agreed to join the board of directors. [Yahoo!]

Kanye West is looking for an internship. No, not an intern, an internship. [FadedYouth]

White House officials turned down Barack Obama's request to move into The Blair House—where incoming presidents usually stay before inauguration—early so that his daughters, Sasha and Malia could start school on time. We hear the Red Roof Inn is really nice, though. [NYT]

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Golden Globe Nominations Even Worse Than We Expected

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 16:23:00 GMT

As usual, the studios sent their movie star emissaries, who cajoled and bribed the Hollywood Foreign Press into making this lackluster set of nominations.

Geez, you'd think that journalists for foreign newspapers would be more removed from Hollywood and have a more neutral perspective on its usually terrible moviemaking...

BEST MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA

THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
FROST/NIXON
THE READER
REVOLUTIONARY ROAD
SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE

So, instead of Milk and Wall-E (and not to mention the host of brilliant foreign films released this year, especially Edge of Heaven), we get the widely-panned The Reader and the Sam Mendes flick Revolutionary Road, which has been ignored in every year in best-of up until now. But what's even worse is this category:

BEST TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA

DEXTER (SHOWTIME)
Showtime/John Goldwyn Productions/The Colleton Company/Clyde Phillips Productions
HOUSE (FOX)
Universal Media Studios in association with Heel and Toe Films, Shore Z Productions and Bad Hat Harry Productions
IN TREATMENT (HBO)
Sheleg, Closest to the Hole Productions in association with HBO Entertainment
MAD MEN (AMC)
Lionsgate Television
TRUE BLOOD (HBO)

You have to be kidding: House, In Treatment, and-- gag-- True Blood over The Wire? Hell, Gossip Girl and-- we're only slightly joking-- the Hills as Best Drama over some of these choices. You think these people actually watch the shows before they nominate them or just watch the sex scenes on Scanner?

There are some bright spots: Rebecca Hall, Penelope Cruz, and Javier Bardem for Vicki Christina Barcelona, Tom Cruise for his genius and unannounced three-scene performance in Tropic Thunder, and 30 Rock and Weeds for Best Comedy Series, with Tina Fey and Mary-Louise Parker up for Best Actress.

See the rest here.

Related:

Five Unintentional Laughs From Flirting With Forty

Sloppy Seconds: Jessica Biel Finally Goes Topless

Musicians I'd Like To Finance: Great 2008 CDs By Older Women

We Won't Milk "Milk" For Its Every Pun, Promise...

While You Were Sleeping: Khloe Kardashian Looks Weird Naked

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 14:09:00 GMT

The Golden Globe Award nominations will be announced today. We'll have that story for you as soon as we can get it together.

There's trouble at Miss Porter's School, alma matter of Jackie O and Gloria Vanderbilt, site of some of this Scanner blogger's most notorious teenage escapades. Let's hope everything gets cleared up real nice... so not-so-nice boys can continue to bother females there for years to come.

Ugly Betty added a new, annoying celebrity to add to its roster...

Former The O.C. star Mischa Barton looks set to be returning to TV screens - the actress is reportedly in talks to join the cast of Ugly Betty.

Our favorite excerpt of the morning:

The question of penis size
UW Badger Herald - Madison,WI,USA
In lots of anatomy textbooks, the vagina is portrayed as a gaping black abyss, but in real life, the vaginal opening looks more like a fold of tissue...

Will Ferrells' Bush mockery revue will play HBO.

Best Picture of the Year? According to the NY critics, it's Milk.

And Khloe Kardashian's bizarre appearance in a PETA ad has nothing to do with how her body looks-- that hair is just freaking us out.

Related:

Top 5 Nude Scenes of 2008

University of Wisconsin Disappears Into A Haze Of Substance Abuse And Good Times!

We Won't Milk "Milk" For Its Every Pun, Promise...

When '2 Become 1' Becomes 25 Cents, or How I Didn't Lose My Virginity to the Music of the Spice Girls

Top 5 Lesbian Sex Scenes

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 21:05:00 GMT

You get a bonus 6th video this week, thanks to our being unable to decide between the two best scenes in a certain David Lynch movie...

5. Gia. Angelina Jolie rocketed to (semi-)stardom following her Golden Globe win for this hugely successful TV movie. There are many, many sex scenes in this film (could that be the reason it wasn't released theatrically?)-- we picked this one at random, but they're all worth checking out in their own ways.

4. Wild Things. This is more like an entry for "Top 5 Orgy Sex Scenes" or something, but there is some nice girl-on-girl, even if Matt Dillon does get in the way.

3. Better Than Chocolate. We almost included the jailbait-y Thirteen in this list, but nah. This is softcore porn for lesbians, sort of the cinematic L Word. We think that'll give you some idea of what's to come in this 4-minute clip, with the sexy stuff starting about a minute in...

2 (tie). Mulholland Drive. Still arguably the best movie so far this century, this scary-as-fuck freakshow grips you from the first frame to the widely-discussed last. Part of the reason is unquestionably these two sex scenes, one of which is our second favorite of all time. (We think you can guess which.)

1. Bound. Yeah, yeah. You saw this pick coming as soon as you saw the word "Lesbian" in our headline. Good for you. Now, settle down... we're trying to enjoy this...

Gina Gershon & Jennifer Tilly Lesbian Scene - Click here for more amazing videos

Runners Up: High Art, Thirteen, Monster, Showgirls and the Hunger (which we covered in our Top 5 Sex Scenes From the 1980s list), plus whatever you nominate in the comments section. Hell, we will probably end up doing a Part Two somewhere down the road...

Related:

Lizzy Caplan And Her HBO Porn Show Still Terrible, Terribly Hot

Some of the Hottest Women in the Country All Got Naked Together

Olga Kurylenko: "My Treasure Trove of Topless Photos Don't Count As Porn"

Top 5 Sex Scenes From Comedies

Lizzy Caplan, Not To Be Outdone By Anna Paquin, Takes It Off For True Blood

Sloppy Lunchtime Seconds: Nicole Richie, Christina Aguilera Have Babies

Emily Farris — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 18:03:00 GMT

Nicole Richie popped one out on Friday. Welcome to the world, Harlow Winter Kate Madden. (6 lbs., 7oz.).

Why Harlow?

The next day Christina Aguilera had a baby boy, Max Liron Bratman, (6 lbs. 2 oz.).

Jezebel picks out dresses for Golden Globe winners had they, you know, had a reason to dress up.

Image via Jezebel

Today in Golden Globes: More Info On Something We Probably Won't Watch

Bryan Christian — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 21:57:00 GMT

As Scanner Emily noted earlier, the film adaptation of Ian McEwan's novel Atonement led the pack in today's Oscar-lites, a.k.a. the Golden Globes, whose nominations were announced by what we're guessing is a Franken-tino, patched together from the remains of lesser Tarantinos.

Atonement's seven nom haul (including three of the four applicable acting categories) struck us as something of a surprise. We love stars James McAvoy and Keira Knightley (yeah, Emily, we totally wanna make out with her too), but seem to remember the film getting a so-so reception compared to the largely violent films that we're fairly certain will dominate the Oscars this year: No Country for Old Men, Eastern Promises, Sweeney Todd, American Gangster, and possibly There Will Be Blood. (Salon Sarah seems sure that ...Blood will get a few big noms come Oscar time, btw; we remain unconvinced but curious.) Maybe the Foreign Press Association decided to play good cop to the Oscar's bad cop? Would that explain nominating seven Best Pictures this year, to ensure space for Atonement and the Oprah-produced, Denzel Washington-directed high-school debating film The Great Debaters?

In the TV categories, a few surprises as well, including multiple noms for Showtime's Californication and The Tudors, and a couple of our faves, Damages and Pushing Daisies. There are too many shows to mention, so basically just assume that all your other favorite shows got nominated for stuff as well, unless you like The Sopranos, then you're kind of SOL. Guess the Foreign Press aren't Journey fans. The complete list of nominations is here.

The Golden Globes air January 13 on NBC. We will be watching the pre-show, because we're fans of famous people in nice clothes and cleavage, and then we will be seeing what Netflix sent us that week.

UPDATE: Deadline Hollywood Daily's got a great rundown of the nominations by the numbers alone. Atonement and Charlie Wilson's War (which got very little coverage, from what we saw) got the most noms out of the movies; Damages, Longford, and 30 Rock lead the field on the teevee. Oh, and does DHD's Nikki Finke feel, like we do, that the Golden Globes are kinda Fredo to the Oscars' Michael or Vito?

Trust me, they're as meaningless as the crappy organization that gives them out.

Guess so!

Golden Globe Nominees We'd Like to Make Out With: Most of Them

Emily Farris — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 20:51:00 GMT

Golden Globe nominations were announced today and we realized we kind-of want to make out with Keira Knightley, who just got a nomination for her role in Joe Wright’s “Atonement." Actually we'd like to make out with her co-star, James McEvoy, too. And now that we think about it, there are few Golden Globe nominees we wouldn't want make out with this year (mmm....Ryan Gosling, he's the one we'd most like to make out with).

[New York Times]

[Golden Globes]