Scanner : george clooney

Marry, F*ck or Kill: Sexy Doctor Edition

Emily Farris — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 21:05:00 GMT

Sixteen million people watched the E.R. series finale last night. We were not among them, but if our Twitter feed is any indication, old-school fans were seriously missing sexy, sexy Dr. Ross, played many seasons ago by George Clooney. And that got us thinking about how glad we are to still have Lost's Matthew Shepherd in our lives. We thought we'd do a little "Who Would You Rather: Dr. Ross vs. Dr. Shepherd?" but then we remembered Dr. McDreamy, played by Patrick Dempsey on Grey's Anatomy. Ah! So many sexy doctors, so little time—the perfect situation for a very important decision: which TV doctor do you marry, which do you fuck and which do you DNR?

PETA Has Really Gone and Done it Now

Colleen Kane — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 19:31:00 GMT

PETA has officially made me embarassed to have ever been a supporter of their organization (although that happened years ago).

But the latest stunt is proposing a new tofu...flavored like George Clooney's sweat...which would be called...wait for it...

CloFu.

Cloon's reaction to this suggestion (and his photo) is reason enough to post about this attention-seeking stunt.

"As a mammal, I'm offended."

Do the Cloon Swoon!

There actually is an inspiration for this one based on something in reality. The sweat as flavoring idea was inspired by Clooney's perspiration-soaked gym towel, bequeathed to the organization by some creepatron.

What's the grossest part about this post, the stealing of the gym towel, or the prospect of sweat-flavored tofu? Discuss.

Related:

George Clooney Googles Himself and Then Watches 2 Girls 1 Cup

George Clooney's Ex Posing Nude For Playboy?

While You Were Sleeping: Adopt George Clooney

These Celebrities Fell In Love With The Camera At An Early Age

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 14:49:00 GMT

Check out these hilariously awesome photos of little future celebs: one would grow up to be a kickass, kickboxing, bizarro-human, movie star freak of nature, and the other one is Jean-Claude Van Damme.

Here are a carefully cultivated half dozen childhood photos of the two-dozen-or-so pictures gracing some dude's delightful blog:

We also particularly revel in the glory that is George Clooney (age?) and Halle Berry (age also unknown.) Check them all out here.

Related:

More of Those Gloriously Painful Celebrity High School Yearbook Photos

Celebrities Make Us Feel Better About Our High School Obsession

Top 10 Sexiest Album Covers of All Time

5 Men Who Look Better With Age

Colleen Kane — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 14:45:00 GMT

With this list of men and the upcoming list of women, we'll be looking at celebs who look better older than they did young. We're not talking about those who just aged well, but those who have defied the odds and improved. The key for both men and women seems to be dropping the baby fat from the face so it becomes more gaunt. So that's the secret to increased hotness in maturity-- just be sure to do that. (Madonna did this, but it has gone awry.)

Oh, and the other key is leaving behind the unfortunate hair choices of youth.

Speaking of which, the photo above shows what number 5 used to look like this in the 70s. It's not Howard Stern, although Howard looks a world better now than in his WNBC days of the 80s, himself.

5. Anthony Bourdain

4. Robert Downey, Jr.

3. Jerry O' Connell

2. Johnny Depp

1. And Most Improved, George Clooney

Related:

10 Hottest Funny Women

Top 10 Hottest Women Size 10 and Up

The Top 5 Hottest Female Politicians

More of Those Gloriously Painful Celebrity High School Yearbook Photos

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 20:17:00 GMT

It's true: like a good wine, we're better as we get older.

These ancient yearbook photos of national politicians and movie stars will reassure you that your looks improve with age, and not the reverse. In a society that's becoming increasingly focused on and obsessed with cultural figures that are seemingly younger every year (look at the top names in the music business right now-- Miley Cyrus, the Jonas Brothers, and Taylor Swift), it's practically life-affirming to see, for example, how ridiculous Cameron Diaz looked in high school...

At the top: Paula Abdul. Date unknown, but obviously-- wow-- pre-nose job.

Yes, the above two are Sarah Palin. We swear.

Does the superlative for Most Likely To Become Famous go to Madonna or what?

Via ten different websites.

Related:

Celebrities Make Us Feel Better About Our High School Obsession

While You Were Sleeping: The Fox News Child Porn Bust

Why The New York Times Thinks It's Impossible To Live On $500K

Top 10 Sexiest Album Covers of All Time

While You Were Sleeping: Adopt George Clooney

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 15:23:00 GMT

Let's just start the rumors here: Katie Holmes is not pregnant.

Singapore was stunned to experience the sight of an entirely-nude couple walking through the city for fifteen minutes. In New York, this wouldn't even get reported on Fox, but in a conservative place like Singapore...

In Sweden, if you're a teacher and don't like what a bunch of young ladies are saying about you on their blog, you can file a complaint against them. Boo hoo.

The great filmmaker Tom DiCillo is doing a documentary on The Doors that appears to have some incredible lost footage of the band.

It's the classic case of teach the kids to shoplift, take them shoplifting, leave the kids at the scene of the shoplifting. We've seen it all before.

We understand that there was discrimination involved, but why would anyone want to work at the Hawaiian Tropic Zone bikini bar anyway?

George Clooney, who will appear on the final episode of ER, would like you to adopt him.

And our headline of the day: "Pub Line bus service could become mobile bar for Fairbanks patrons."

Today In Headlines We Weren't Expecting

Scanner Roundtable: If Gay Marriage Is Legal, What About Polygamy?

This Week In Gayness: Two Major Male Movie Stars Make Out

Why Are Playmobil Playsets So Damned Crazy?

Caption This: George Clooney Sees His Christmas Future

Emily Farris — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 14:47:00 GMT

(Ed Note: We write captions for these to 1. show off how clever we are and 2. give you the opportunity to be more clever than us. So caption this already!)

[Image]

Caption This: George Clooney Thinks Maybe Just One More...

Emily Farris — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 16:20:00 GMT

[Image]

Cosmo Names The Sexiest Man In the Universe...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 16:01:00 GMT

It's a known fact that men get better with age. That goes a long way toward explaining why two dudes in their mid-forties topped Cosmopolitan's poll of The World's Sexiest Men. But only one... can be #1....

First: it should be noted before we get started that this appears to be a British survey... does that change your prediction? (Not for us, but it certainly explains the presence of Pierce Brosnan and the members of Take That.)

And the winner is...

Ladies and dudes who enjoy the male form, what do you think of their pick, as well as runner-up George Clooney (47!) and the other 23 choices...?

1 Johnny Depp, 45
2 George Clooney, 47
3 Jake Gyllenhaal, 27
4 Daniel Craig, 40
5 Brad Pitt, 44
6 James McAvoy, 29
7 JustinTimberlake, 27
8 Will Smith, 40
9 David Beckham, 33
10 Wentworth Miller, 36
11 Christian Bale, 34
12 Jonathan Rhys Meyers, 31
13 Take That: Gary Barlow, 37, Mark Owen, 36, Howard Donald, 40 and Jason Orange, 38
14 Ashton Kutcher, 30
15 Dermot O''Leary, 35
16 David Tennant, 37
17 Patrick Dempsey, 42
18 Clive Owen, 44
19 Pierce Brosnan, 55
20 Mark Ronson, 33
21 Gordon Ramsay, 41
22 Russell Brand, 33
23 Pharrell Williams, 35
24 Ryan Reynolds, 31
25 Olivier Martinez, 42

Related:

Johnny Depp and His Penis Will Not Be Shilling Trojans

Does Esquire Magazine Hate Johnny Depp Or Something?

While You Were Sleeping: The New Robin Hood Movie

Halloween Contest: Horror Movie Victims You'd Like to F*ck

Crushes of the Week: Johnny/Jude/Colin to replace Heath in Unfinished Role

Regarding Matt Damon: We See Your "Meh," Nicole, and Raise You an "Eff Yeah"

Sloppy Seconds: More Fun With Sarah Palin Affair Rumors

Emily Farris — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 21:36:00 GMT

~~Hootie~~ Darius Rucker, front man of Hootie and the Blowfish, has bumped Jessica Simpson from the top of Billboard's country chart. Um, is Hank Williams rolling over in his grave? [Us]

Heather Mills gave hamburgers to poor kids in the Bronx last weekend. Except she didn't exactly tell the kids the burgers were vegan. [Gourmet]

We imagine 13-year-old Christian girls (and their mothers) with no taste in music and boys are about the only ones not happy about Clay Aiken coming out. [People]

Yes, we were right. [Radar]

Will you buy Blair and Chuck's albums? We will not. Though we also said we would not watch "Gossip Girl".. sigh. [MTV]

Just as you should not go to George Clooney with a medical emergency (save something stuck in your vagina), you probably shouldn't go to Michael Douglas in times of financial crisis. But hell, nobody else is doing a good job of fixing it, so maybe the "Wall Street" star can offer some hope? [Yahoo!]

If what The Enquirer says is true (hey, they were right about John Edwards) then Sarah Palin used to fuck a snowmobile dealer named Brad Hanson, yet another business parter of poor Todd Palin. [Wonkette]

While You Were Sleeping: McCain Checked Palin Out Again

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 14:04:00 GMT

Ryan O'Neal and his son are trying to show Tatum how it's done: they were just arrested for possession of meth. Redmond, the son, was on probation for another drug-related arrest.

Gary Coleman was charged with reckless driving in the most bizarre celebrity accident we've ever heard of.

Don't miss Brad Pitt's response to a reporters question on why he donated $100,000 to the gay marriage fight in California:

"Because no one has the right to deny another their life, even though they disagree with it, because everyone has the right to live the life they so desire if it doesn't harm another and because discrimination has no place in America, my vote will be for equality and against Proposition 8," Pitt said Wednesday.

Brad Pitt also expressed surprise that more people in the entertainment industry aren't making donations to keep gay marriage legal. "Especially George Clooney," Pitt said. "Now, that guy should be driving up to city hall with a dump truck full of cash. I'm not implying anything, but 'dedicated bachelor'? That's about as convincing as marrying Katie Holmes."

One of our favorite books of poetry has been turned into... a nude play?

PETA invaded Pittsburgh, with banners over their naked bodies that read: "Turn Your Back On Burberry."

And John McCain checked out Sarah Palin's ass... again.

Related:

Gary Coleman Hit a Man, With a Truck, at a Bowling Alley

Vanity Fair's Best Dressed List: Perfect or Pathetic?

PETA Gets Women's Clothes Off Faster Than a $50 Bill at the Bunny Ranch

The Town Of Valentine, Nebraska Is Under Attack From The Butt Bandit

PETA: Public Nudity Didn't Work, Let's Try Public Showering...

While You Were Sleeping: Dancing With The B-Listers

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 13:49:00 GMT

John McCain has selected his VP. Based on the fact that Barack Obama went with a safe, male choice, it is expected that McCain will one-up him by selecting a woman or even Senator Joseph Lieberman (I-CT) to further sow disunity among Democrats. The announcement is now scheduled for noon Saturday in Dayton, Ohio, which is a change of venue from somewhere in Michigan, which made that state's former Governor's son, Mitt Romney, more of a VP favorite than he is now.

A woman successfully sued her boyfriend after discovering peephole videos of her and her daughter bathing.

Everyone's talking about the Faith Evans autobiography/biography of Biggie Smalls... and, in particular, how she caught Lil Kim in bed with her husband...

I got to Big's bedroom door, turned the knob, and went inside. As soon as I saw a small lump next to Big's large frame, I flew into a rage, ran over to the side of the bed, and pulled back the covers. I grabbed some chick out of the bed and started beating her ass. At some point, the chick's wig came off in my hand; it was a short, cropped wig. I stopped throwing punches for a minute to get a good look at the chick I was beating up. It was Lil Kim. She was completely butt-naked, yelling as I pushed her around the room.
'So you not f***king her, right?' I screamed at Big. 'Yeah, you not messing with her anymore, right?'
When they heard all the commotion, Cease, D-Roc, and Gutter came running into the room. 'Oh sh**!" they yelled in unison. 'It's Faye! How the hell she get in here?'

Later, Kim allegedly scratched the hell out of Faith's car, but Faith got the last laugh on that one: she and Biggie got it on while Kim got the boot.

In other news:

Two men spent three months crossing the Pacific on a junk raft to raise awareness of... junk in the ocean, of course.

Lance Bass is joining Dancing With The Stars.

Joe Biden is pro-gay rights.

George Clooney and Brad Pitt are damn funny, even when they're not putting cream-filled condoms on each other's doorknobs.

And NYC's HIV rate is almost three times higher than the rest of the country's.

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: The Million-Dollar Strip Club Buy

I Hate Myself For Loving You: Blake Lively

While You Were Sleeping: Olympic Mania

While You Were Sleeping: Obama Narrows His Choices

While You Were Sleeping: Better To Be Fat And Fit?

Vanity Fair's Best Dressed List: Perfect or Pathetic?

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 13:28:00 GMT

The 2008 Vanity Fair International Best-Dressed list includes Ivanka Trump, Michelle Obama, and 8 other classy ladies, plus ten gentlemen, fashion professionals, couples, and more...

Are they missing anyone? Should Ivanka been vetoed for her mere affiliation with the Donald? And just who in blazes is Count Manfredi Della Gherardesca? He sounds like Don Novello's replacement character for Father Guido Sarducci, and no, that wasn't mean to be derogatory. Fill us in, after the jump:

Women

Charlotte Gainsbourg
Princess Alexandra of Greece
Marjorie Gubelmann
Princess Mafalda of Hesse
Fran Lebowitz
Michelle Obama
Bee Shaffer
Tilda Swinton
Ivanka Trump
Renée Zellweger

Men

Tiki Barber
Jonathan Becker
Count Manfredi Della Gherardesca
Lapo Elkann
Richard E. Grant
Lenny Kravitz
Luis and Rafael Medina
Hidetoshi Nakata
Nicolas Sarkozy
Gay Talese

Couples

David and Victoria Beckham
The Earl and Countess of Cawdor
Damon Dash and Rachel Roy
Frédéric Fekkai and Shirin von Wulffen
Mitch Glazer and Kelly Lynch
Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore
David Lauren and Lauren Bush
Viscount and Viscountess Linley
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie
Ruben and Isabel Toledo

Fashion Professionals

Amy Astley
Tory Burch
Jefferson Hack
Liya Kebede
Alexandra Kotur
Margherita Missoni
Stefano Pilati
Michael Roberts
Katherine Ross
Hedi Slimane

Fashion Originals

Peter Beard
Carlyne Cerf de Dudzeele
Lisa Eisner

Hall of Fame

Alba Clemente
George Clooney
Marina Rust Connor
Anderson Cooper
Sofia Coppola
Jemima Khan
Anna Piaggi

Via Vanity Fair.

Related:

What Do We Think About Vanity Fair's Fake Celebrities?

Sloppy Seconds: What's Wrong With This Picture Of Brad Pitt?

Shocker: Bill Clinton Has Extramarital Affairs

Devil Wears Prada, But His Minions Wear Comme des Garcons!

Top 10 Celebrity Moms Who Could Be Hookers

George Clooney's Ex Posing Nude For Playboy?

Somebody Wants To Invade Our Vaginas

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 12:52:00 GMT

Woah! At the end of the day yesterday, we received this message from the John McCain satellite office at Cakebread (the man is rumored to have shadow offices everywhere, including at Katie Couric's house and the W.C. at the DNC.) Our minds were too blown to do anything about it at the time. What if it was true? The government killed people for publicizing less Top Secret information.

But here is, no doubt, irrefutable proof that Senator John McCain is going to invade our fucking vaginas. It's even in quotes, for God's sake, so it must be true.

Okay, that's about as far as we can stretch the joke. But y'all know McCain can keep it going, maybe make it part of his Iran warmongering speeches: "Iran, if you don't stop building those nukes, I'm going to personally invade all your vaginas." And so forth.

In unrelated news, McCain continued his sore loser tradition of trying to make everything look like it was his idea all along! Classic McCain moment from yesterday: Senator, are you upset that Europe and, in particular, Berlin are welcoming Barack Obama is a hero, the generation's greatest leader? Naw, I think I'll wait to speak in Germany until after I'm elected. Fair enough, but we can't help but think McCain is the kid who didn't get invited to your ninth birthday party and then acted like he wouldn't have gone even if he that invitation hadn't gotten "lost in the mail."

While You Were Sleeping: The Last True Supermodel

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 14:31:00 GMT

Anne Hathaway's karaoke song is rather fitting, don't you think?

The incident with his mom and sister was apparently not the only one during Christian Bale's wild Friday.

A list of the top Hollywood bachelors that in any way involves Ryan Seacrest is invalidated automatically.

Guy answers call from the cops on his cell phone by saying: "Dude, I can't talk, I'm being chased by the police," and hanging up.

Speaking of police, they arrested a man for stealing money from a fountain in a Florida mall. His total haul? 42 cents.

You're not gonna believe who Forbes magazine thinks is the best investment in Hollywood. (You were right if you said "whoever it is, it's definitely not Tom Cruise.")

And Naomi Campbell says she wasn't the "last true supermodel":

"Models need to earn their stripes - I just think the term is used a little too loosely.
"Kate Moss is obviously a supermodel but, after Gisele [Bundchen], I don't think there's been one."

Via IMDB.

Related:

Scanner Roundtable: What's Your Karaoke Song?

Sloppy Seconds: Whose Illegitimate Half Sister is This?

Sloppy Seconds: Update On The Christian Bale Story

Gisele Bundchen's Latest Nude Shoot May Be Her Finest Work Yet

Rumor Mongering (or Simple Math): Is Naomi Campbell's Vagina Infected?

UPDATE: Link fixed.

Scanner Roundtable: Does Stubble = Sex(ier)?

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 13:35:00 GMT

A new research study has concluded that women 18 to 44 overwhelmingly prefer men with stubble to men who are clean shaven or have beards. The research also goes a long way toward explaining this strange phenomenon and the answer is, well... maybe you already figured it out.

The study was conducted by psychologists at Britain's Northumbria University and concluded that

that stubbly men may offer women the best worlds - not too strongly masculine, but mature and with the potential to grow a full beard.
The researchers carried out the study using computer technology to alter pictures of 15 men’s faces so that they displayed different degrees of hairiness. Five levels of facial hair were used - clean-shaven, light stubble, heavy stubble, light beard and full beard.
The pictures were shown to 76 women who were asked to rate them for masculinity, aggression, dominance, attractiveness, age, and social maturity. They were also asked how desirable each man would be as a short-term or long-term partner.

Meanwhile, the study determined that men with beards look approxamitely five years older than they really are, plus are considered the least attractive of the five levels of facial-hair thickness. Clearly, Scanner Emily was not invited to participate in this survey.

[E]xperts in human evolution say that that facial hair may be a signal of aggression because it boosts the apparent size of the lower jaw, emphasising the teeth as weapons.

How bizarre... and, um, interesting. Although we don't recall Mike Tyson having any stubble when he bit Evander Holyfield's ear... or even Russell Crowe as anything but clean cut when he turned that phone into a javelin. Oh well... maybe you can help us understand the whole stubble thing, for starters. Does anyone out there prefer men with stubble? Or prefer men not to have it? Why?

Via the Telegraph.

Crush of the Week: Vivienne Westwood's Bear

George Clooney's Ex Posing Nude For Playboy?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 15:31:00 GMT

Sarah Larson, the Vegas cocktail waitress recently ditched by George Clooney, allegedly after getting breast implants, is now up for the cover of Playboy...

"She likes her new body so much that she would consider posing for Playboy," the source claims. Sarah's "rep" denies the rumor.

Like George, we're strongly against breast implants-- at best, they only attract the wrong type of guys-- but we're even more against ex-reality show stars (Larson won "Fear Factor") becoming A-list (or even C-list) stars... hopefully, George will next choose someone who doesn't need to do a nude pictoral as breakup revenge. A classy person deserves another classy person, no?

Via the Post-Chronicle.

Sloppy Seconds: Heather Mills, Liv Tyler, and... Roseanne Barr?!

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 09 May 2008 21:33:00 GMT

Facebook is causing all sort of problems in England: first, a bunch of crazy water-fight participants destroyed a famous garden; more importantly, an ex-girlfriend broke into her guy's account and wrote all about his douchebaggery.

Liv Tyler is getting divorced. Liv, you can message us through Facebook anytime.

The McGreevey's finally settled their custody battle. We'll resist the temptation to make any jokes about their multiple fathers, orgies, sex with staff members, and any other crimes we've already covered exhaustively.

Heather Mills is going to pursue a spot on "Celebrity: Apprentice." We've never so badly wanted that show to be canceled...

Hugh Hefner wants Miley Cyrus or whatever her name is to appear in Playboy. When she's legal, of course. Sorry, Hugh, but we've already seen more of her, the Olsen twins, and Suri Cruise than we'd ever want to see. You dirty old perv.

Possibly the most repulsive pickup line imaginable, not just because of the source: Roseanne (Barr/Arnold/n/a) came on strong to George Clooney when Clooney debuted on her rad 80s TV show: "You're really good looking, why don't you take me out behind the stage and make me stink." [Starpulse]

And, finally, why not end your week with a laugh, as this video does:

Arianna Huffington: Iraq is McCain's Viagra...
Stephen Colbert: I suppose the warning on that should be: "If your erection lasts more than a hundred years, pull out!"

Sloppy Seconds: Who Else is Making Out With Drew Barrymore's Boyfriend?

Emily Farris — Thu, 08 May 2008 22:21:00 GMT

The best way to get a job in this economy? Start a website about how much you suck. [AdRants]

Whoopi Goldberg will host the 2008 Tony's. [Yahoo!]

George Clooney and his lady friend love Rock of Love. [Us]

If you want your cyber friends to know more about you than they already do, you can now stream your iTunes playlist on Facebook. [Wired]

Perez Hilton has designed a line of clothes for Hot Topic, which as one commenter points out, is kind-of genius. [MollyGood]

Big Love's Ginnifer Goodwin had a hard time making out with Drew Barrymore's boyfriend, Justin Long (also known as "Mac") on the set of their upcoming film "He's Just Not That Into You." [People]

Top 10 Celebrity Pets

Nicole Pasulka — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 20:51:00 GMT

On April 12, Martha Stewart announced the heart-breaking news that her beloved dog Kublai Khan Paw Paw Chow Chow Chow had passed away (Check the perfectly tied ribbon on the doggie body bag). Paw Paw, may you rest in peace and receive a slightly less humiliating name in the afterlife. Martha’s news brought to mind some of the other pets who share the limelight with their celebrity owners. And so, a list was born: the Top 10 Celebrity Pets.

You can tell a lot about a person by his or her pet, be it garishly groomed, pathetically spoiled and puppy-farmed (Ahem—Tinkerbell), or unique and adorable. Since we’ve already covered number 10-- Kublai Khan Paw Paw Chow Chow Chow, we’ll move on to the rest of the list.

9. Foxxy Cleopatra, Nicole Richie’s Pomeranian. Named after Beyonce’s character in Austin Powers, Foxxy Cleopatra and the also unfortunately named HoneyChild are often paraded around town wearing weaves and hairbows. Here’s hoping they haven’t felt displaced since Nicole squeezed the bun out of her oven.

8. Millie, Barbara and George H.W. Bush’s Spaniel. Barb used to take this bitch everywhere. Plus she’s the only First Pet who has written a book. Pet lovers that we are, we’d much rather have Bush dog as Prez than Bush son.

7. Atticus and Boo Radley, Jake Gyllenhaal’s dogs. Not only are this German Shepard and puggle cute, they prove that their owner has read a book! Or at least heard of one.

6. Bit Bit, Britney Spears’ Chihuahua. Dude, its name is Bit Bit and it lives with Brit Brit. This is a pity ranking.

5. Tinkerbell, Paris Hilton’s Chihuahua. Paris’ designer dogs may come and go from the public eye, but Tinkerbell will always be the one who had the good sense to try and escape.

4. Norman, Jennifer Aniston’s dog. After her breakup with Brad Pitt Aniston was rarely seen without Norman by her side. So Jen got her dog and Brad walked away with his.

3. Snoop Dogg’s Doggs. Obviously there are many Doggs at Tha Pound. This video introduces us to a few of them. If we had to choose a favorite it would probably be Cindy, the brightest dog in the house who, in Snoop’s words, “actually goes outside to shit.”

2. Max, George Clooney's pig. This 300-pound pot belly pig who died in 2006 (may he rest in peace) used to sleep in the bed with his owner George Clooney and was once run over by George's friends in the dark.

1. Tina, Jessica Biel’s pitbull. Number one solely because we want to be this animal. Oh god, what if it gets to sleep in the bed with THE BIEL???!! Amazing!

Scanner Highs And Lows: You Take the Bad, We'll Take the Cannoli

Brian Fairbanks — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 01:39:00 GMT

We got into as much trouble as we could, whether we could get away with it or not...

Highs:

We found ourselves hypnotized by online dating. For, basically, the first time ever.

Our (inner) childhoods were re-staged.

Jessica Simpson is not procreating after all, thank God.

We watched people have sex. In the interest of science, of course.

David Cross finally got himself some tail.

A bunch of old people butchered our favorite "Sonic Youth" song. Huzzah!

Santorum Alley? Thanks, we kind of like it here on Manbone Ridge.

Between Gordon Ramsey and Bobby Flay, we picked Anthony Bourdain.

One of the Fugees found us worthy of his valuable time.

Lows:

We got arrested.

Even the Hulk couldn't get us laid.

We learned that Gawker spies are everywhere.

A "Sex and the City" actress had cancer.

We called B.S. on everything the Daily Mail's ever printed.

Barack Obama lost his shit.

Big Love Got Big, Big Time.

We learned that Chrissie Hynde's sex appeal applies to straight women, as well.

Somebody needs to learn that putting "service" in quotes like that is going to make people think you're offering happy endings.

We Call B.S. on Super Sexist "Daily Mail" Article

Emily Farris — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 14:42:00 GMT

Britain's Daily Mail, the same paper that repeatedly chastised size 16 beauty pageant contestant Chloe Marshall, compares single friends George Clooney and Renee Zellweger, calling him "Hollywood's most eligible heart-throb," and her a "singleton" who might never escape "the Bridget Jones curse."

He is feted as Hollywood's most eligible heart-throb. She is famous as Tinseltown's most famous singleton.

George Clooney's is the more flattering mantle of the two, suggestive of a man who has women falling at his feet, single by choice and not for want of opportunity.

The word singleton, by contrast, implies a desperate woman of a certain age who will settle down with whoever will have her.

In fact, as every lonely year passes, Renee Zellweger must rue the day she agreed to play Helen Fielding's Bridget Jones - and become for ever compared with the character.

This week, Clooney and Zellweger were in London for the premiere of the film Leatherheads. Clooney, more suave than ever in his all-black ensemble, lived up to his reputation by surrounding himself with glamorous women - Jemima Khan, Elle Macpherson, actress Natascha McElhone and Thandie Newton - at a dinner held in his honour at a West End restaurant.

Zellweger played her singleton role to perfection, too. Posing on the red carpet in her plum-coloured Marchesa strapless frock for the Leicester Square premiere, she was demure and pretty. Hours later she was plastered.

And we couldn't read beyond that for fear of inflicting harm upon our very expensive computer.

The saddest part? We read enough to see the byline: a woman.

Let us know how it ends?

[Daily Mail: Can Renee ever escape the Bridget Jones curse?]

[Image via]

Jack Is Back (And Maybe A Little Too Late?)

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 13:00:00 GMT

This excellent and attention-grabbing ad for Hillary Clinton's Presidential campaign was released over the weekend. But was it approved by the campaign? It does not have an FEC tag at the end, nor does it say anything about the message being endorsed by the Senator's committee. It will be interesting to see how this plays out in the media as the day unfolds.

In other celebrity political news, Hollywood actresses are spending more time in Texas than any sane person ever should...

Perhaps the actresses Melanie Griffith and Eva Longoria Parker will be more on message than [Jack Nicholson, says the New York Times.] They’re set to appear at a town hall event with Mrs. Clinton in Austin, Texas, on Monday night, the eve of the primary. The campaign will show the event live at its Web site, and 700 people are expected to be in the live audience.

All right, folks, it's time for a recap of celebrity endorsements:

HILLARY CLINTON:

Marla Maples, Jenna Jameson, Melanie Griffith, Eva Longoria, Paul Newman, Danny Devito, and Jerry Springer.

BARACK OBAMA:

Oprah Winfrey, Tom Hanks, Jamie Foxx, Robert De Niro, George Clooney, John Legend, Jessica Alba, and the rest of the cast of the will.i.am music videos.

We know we're missing some of the biggies. Who else?

In the meantime, check out this new video (are we done with Obama videos yet?) from will.i.am, with more A/B-list celebs superimposing themselves over Barack Obama's dignity:

Sloppy Seconds: George Clooney is to Hillary Clinton as Daniel Day Lewis is to Barack Obama

Emily Farris — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 22:13:00 GMT

George Clooney thinks he's the Hillary Clinton of the Oscars, with Daniel Day Lewis starring as Obama. And he thinks that's bad news for himself and Hillary.

Priscilla Presley joins the newest cast of Dancing With the Stars.

Will.I.Am is planning a second Obama video.

Call us "white trash" if you want, but there's a reason we always take our drink to the bathroom.

Because his face is currently imploding—making him unavailable for photo shoots— Janet Jackson posed as her brother Michael for the cover of Vibe. (In all honesty, we don't know why she did it, but that guess is as good as any, right?)

We're not fans of diamonds, and if we ever get engaged, we want something fairly traded (hear that, gentlemen?) or this fucking killer ring that gives new meaning to "blood diamond." Bonus if you find a fair-trade killer diamond.

George Clooney, Live from the Crapper

Emily Farris — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 18:57:00 GMT

More often than not, videos we find on YouTube are fun because they're regular people doing irregular things. But get the right combination of famous faces in the right setting and it somehow works:

Sloppy Seconds: George v. Fabio

Nicole Pasulka — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 20:00:00 GMT

George Clooney scratches and claws threateningly at Fabio in a West Hollywood restaurant.

Feminism is a whole bunch of things....but it's not sexy dart boards.

Yeah, that poop huffing: Maybe, not so true.

The gist of every Rocky movie in five seconds.
Is "the flash effect" responsible for celebrity nipple slips?