Scanner : genitals

Cindy Crawford: Still Naked At 43

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 16:40:00 GMT

Although many people still consider her one of the hottest women in the world, supermodel Cindy Crawford has vanished into semi-retirement in the last ten years or so.

But in a sign she is planning a "comeback," as the media will not doubt refer to it, Crawford posed completely naked for this month's issue of Allure, covered only in... what is that? Ice cream?

According to the magazine's profile of the dreamwoman (probably entitled "How Cindy Still Looks Hot In Middle Age" or something equally boring), it's...

"...Crawford's skin-care regimen, [which] includes a day cream with antioxidants, a sunscreen, a night cream, and an eye cream. She also swears by microdermabrasion - and protecting the skin on her hands, neck, and chest."

Ah, if only those things weren't 99% water and actually worked, but that's not the point. What do we think of Cindy now, with her genitals airbrushed out of the photo to make it SFA (Safer For Allure)?

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24 Things Guys Do That Keep Them From Getting Laid

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 14:19:00 GMT

#21: see above tan.

Megan, who is guest blogging on Jezebel these days, has been stirring up the comment section's hornet nest over there, starting with her post "Men and Sex: A Guy's Guide to Getting It On." The list is almost totally spot-on... although we always have to wonder where girls find these guys... and why there weren't red flags before the guys made these glaring faux pas...

Don't pre-emptively tell me you have a small penis.
Don't drop the n-bomb during a discussion on the walk back to your place.
Don't ever say to me, "Your breasts don't look like the ones in my magazines."
Don't call it "my junk" or any pet names when asking me to touch it.
In fact, don't ask me to touch it. I know you want me to touch it. I will do so when and if I want to. If we are in a public place, I don't want to.
Don't text me on a Tuesday night after midnight "I could totally eat ur puss now if u r interwssetted." I'm not.
Don't lick my face. I get flashbacks from Silence of the Lambs.
If we are friends on a social networking site, I strongly recommend not joining groups that I can see that identify you as someone looking for anonymous NSA hook-ups. There aren't thick enough condoms in the world for me to dip my toe into that pool.
Don't tell me you and your wife have "an arrangement." Unless you can provide a signed, notarized affidavit to that effect, I don't believe you and if you can, see the previous answer.
Don't ask me if my friend might be interested in a threesome.
I don't care if you and your friend are interested in a threesome.
Telling me how hard you are going to fuck me is only hot when we are a) naked and b) on the verge of fucking. In a well-lit bar in front of 10 of our colleagues at a work event, it's presumptuous and gross.
Don't keep offering to buy me more alcohol to work the odds when I've indicated a desire to leave. The odds are that I will drink your damn alcohol and still not want to have sex with you.
Don't try to guilt me into something. You are not my mother, and you don't have her skills.
Don't offer to Saran Wrap my genitals to eat me out because you are scared of disease. You should be. You probably have one, but we both know it's not from eating a lot of pussy.
Don't ask if it's okay to fuck me up the ass because you don't have condoms and are "scared" of getting me pregnant.
Don't hit on my friend(s) first. Yeah, I saw that.
Don't "neg" me. That works on insecure little 20-somethings that think they have something to prove. Me it just annoys and you are not remotely hot/smart/rich/powerful enough to intimidate me into thinking I want you to have sex with me.
Don't use a stupid euphemism for fucking. If The Bloodhound Gang used it in a song, it should not be called that if you're trying to actually get laid.
Never, ever utter the word or attempt to motorboat.

The post caused an immediate sensation that even woke up the cultural latecomers at the New York Times. Yesterday, Megan posted a followup that defended her choices:

It also inspired a response from The Times' Sathnam Sanghera, who said that "modern man is an impossible position when it comes to seduction." Um, actually, that's sort of the point. Seduction, is after all, by definition the act of convincing a woman to do something she doesn't want to do.

We thought, in a show of solidary with Megan and to add a voice to the communication meltdown that's threatening our very civilization, that we should round it out at a solid two dozen...

21. See above tan. If you look like that, go back to Square One and regroup.

22. Quit while you're ahead. If she's going for you, take it easy, settle in and enjoy the evening. Don't over do it.

23. Don't discuss the bill for more than two seconds. As Megan puts it, some people want to pay, some want to be paid for. With that in mind, feel her out on the check, then accept whatever vibe she's giving off.

24. Avoid creating controversy just to keep things interesting. Bringing up politics for the sake of keeping the conversation going ties back to 22.

Via Jezebel.

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Guys Who Ride Bikes: Your Balls Are In Danger!

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 15:04:00 GMT

A new report has just reminded us why we almost prefer taking public transportation...

News-Medical.net has a story featuring a London urological surgeon who warns men that, should they ride the wrong bicycle, they could do severe damage to their family jewels. He says that men who cycle over long distances and/or for long periods of time or ride mountain bikes should are more likely than the average person to suffer genital injuries, including numbness and erectile dysfunction.

"Cyclists can also help to ease saddle-related injuries or skin irritations by adjusting the saddle height and fore and aft position.

"Padding in the saddle and shorts are also important if cyclists want to avoid saddle-related problems."
He says that the problems to look out for include genital numbness, erection problems and soreness and skin irritations in the groin area.

Men who cycle a lot can also experience changes to their sperm function, because of the excessive heat generated in the pelvic area. No general link between cycling and male infertility has been established, but it is still recognised as a possible side effect and has been noted in a number of male cyclists.

Video of the Day: Yes, Jon Lajoie, We Will Totally Show You Our Genitals

Emily Farris — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 16:12:00 GMT

We'd do pretty much anything this guy asked us to do. Including let him put his penis in our college degree. We could probably rig something. Seriously. (Call us!)

A Beaver Is A Woman's Best Friend (In Australia)

Katie Halper — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 20:30:00 GMT

Australians were scandalized by a television ad featuring an innocent, adorable, harmless beaver who spends her day doing lady-like things with a (human) female friend. So why were there an "unusually high" number of complains about the commercial? Because the ad is for Kotex's "U" line of tampons, and ends with a voice over that says "You've only got one. So for the ultimate care down there, make it U." The word beaver is never uttered. But it's the combination of the ad's HVC (High Vaginal Content) and the imagery of the beaver that offends. Of course, Kotex doesn't see it as offensive at all. It's inclusive and even democratic, since the beaver idea was based on a survey on genital nicknaming.

Turns out, the target of Kotex's campaign, 18-24 year old girls, have pet names for their you know whats. Kotex discovered that 94% of the women they polled are on a nickname basis with their privates, and found 181 different names to choose from. And guess what came in as the 11th most popular name? Beaver! A Kotex rep explains "people use euphemisms to make themselves feel more comfortable about talking about their own anatomy." Now, we happen to like the ad because we're suckers for cute animals. But we wouldn't use the euphemism defense. Euphemisms are "the substitution of an agreeable or inoffensive expression for one that may offend or suggest something unpleasant." Euphemisms, in other words, are the g rated translations of R or NC 17 or X rated terms. So, when could beaver sound like a euphemism? "I got my beaver checked and it's clean, thank god." "I hope he finally tries to put his penis in by beaver tonight!." Does explaining to a little kid that while men have penises, "women have beavers," sound euphemistic? Or raunchy?

So watch the ad and share your thoughts on beaver: offensive or cute?

Photo from Beaver Power