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Wacko Right-Wing Politician Hit With Nude Photo Scandal

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 16:02:00 GMT

Pauline Hanson has railed against an "Asian invasion" in Australia, been to jail for electoral fraud, appeared on Dancing With the Stars, and made a strong political comeback, all over the course of a relatively brief career.

Now, Hanson's bid "as an independent at the upcoming 2009 Queensland state election" may be in jeopardy after a series of nude and raunchy photos have surfaced...

When Hanson was 19, she posed for another teenager who she fell for thanks to his awesome Harley Davidson motorcycle. At least, that's what her now ex-boyfriend told the Australian papers that originally published these photos. At some point, he convinced her to pose for his camera:

Unfortunately, these censored pics are the only ones released by the media.

Two things: one, this girl looks older than 19 and two, how can we be sure this is her? Hanson denies it, flat out, although that's the obvious talking point for a right-wing politician. The publisher of the original photos claims that his paper did "a very, very extensive checking process which... involves stripping out colours, looking at the pixel count in images. These images are not doctored. They are not fakes, it's not her head stuck on somebody else's body."

While the model may be entirely human, how do we know the model is Pauline Hanson?

Australia's major political parties could care less-- they were in unanimous agreement that the photos will not affect this weekend's election...

Read more about this story here.

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Facebook Quickly Becoming the Raging Cesspool MySpace, Friendster Could Only Hope to Be

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 18:48:00 GMT

Have you seen this message on Facebook: "[Friend's Name Here] is in serious trouble!!!"

Most likely, it's a Nigerian scammer talking...

Here's a report from America's most distrusted source of fake news, finally writing about something we care about while it's still happening:

"Bryan NEEDS HELP URGENTLY!!!"
His online friends saw the message and came to his aid. Some posted concerned messages on his public profile -- "What's happening????? What do you need?" one wrote. Another friend, Beny Rubinstein, got a direct message saying Rutberg had been robbed at gunpoint in London and needed money to get back to the United States.
So, trying to be a good friend, Rubinstein wired $1,143 to London in two installments, according to police in Bellevue, Washington.
Meanwhile, Rutberg was safe at home in Seattle.

Beny is such a great guy and a super friend, he's not even furious about his friend having fallen for a phising e-mail or having a weak password, causing him to lose his life savings. He's just glad that he didn't lose his friend Bryan Rutberg.

Several of our friends have changed their status updates to say: "Don't send me money" or "Someone hacked my account-- I'm not in trouble, I'm here at my shit job, as usual." Has anyone else had an experience like this?

Via CNN.

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Liveblogging The Vote: An Open Thread

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 20:49:00 GMT

Help us liveblog today's election by e-mailing us anything interesting you come across today on the campaign trail or at the polls, where you will likely be for your entire eight hour workday, waiting to find out they never updated your registration. Whoops.

Seriously, we'll be updating this post (after the jump) throughout the day with anything we hear (hell, even if it's complete nonsense) about Election 2008: from unreliable exit polls to bizarre and outlandish cases of voting problems and outright fraud...

1:20am:

1) Voting problems: Well over 800,000 complaints so far. And that was yesterday's total.

2: Polls: In 2004, this was John Zogby's prediction on Election Day morn: "Kerry 311, Bush 213, 14 up for grabs. Bush wins popular vote." Guess we might want to rethink these polling things...

3) Share your voting experiences with the Huffington Post. Some of the experiences already up in the comments section are pretty interesting.

4) New York: If you haven't voted yet, know your rights, just in case you end up like Scanner Emily and can't vote. We'll have information on other states when and if we can locate reliable expert information.

2:17am:

If you hadn't heard already, Obama's grandmother did indeed pass away yesterday. She did, however, get to vote for her grandson for the first and only time.

6:39am:

A friend e-mails that his brother in New Jersey is reporting that there are already long lines at his tiny, heavily-Caucasian neighborhood polling site. "If there are lines in white neighborhoods maybe we'll get enough machines for once (and a national holiday!) in the next election."

9:47am:

From Jezebel: shots on long lines in Queens and New York's Lower East side.

Facebook has an Election Page that is updating in real time. 747,164.

And now for some comic relief: Gina Gershon as Sarah Palin in a new video.

9:52am:

Mark Salter, a senior McCain campaign aide, told the Wall Street Journal he is using crystal meth to get through today. Of course, mainstream media outlets picking up the story neglect to mention he's probably joking.

10:06am:

Talk about small towns: apparently, the South Side of Chicago is one of them, with this revelation from ABC News: "Among the other voters who have shown up to vote at Shoesmith Elementary School this morning, where Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill., will vote: Louis Farrakhan and William Ayers."

10:10am:

2004 much? "Voting machines were breaking down or simply not deployed in adequate numbers in some polling places," says CNN. "Long lines were seen in rainy Richmond, Virginia, where Henrico County switched to paper ballots at the Math and Science Center after five of seven machines broke down." Phew-- at least Henrico County had the sense to allow for paper ballots, unlike some idiotic states.

10:12am:

"If I have to choose between a douche and a turd, I don't see the point," says Stan from South Park. Clip here.

10:16am:

Yahoo! News reports: "More than 160 people were lined up to vote by the time polls opened at First Presbyterian Church in Allentown," Pennsylvania.

11:01am:

Political Wire says: "If Virginia is called quickly for Obama, it means he likely wins the presidential race and Democrats across the country will have a huge night. If it's not called early, it's could be an indication that white undecided voters are breaking to McCain. Prepare for an hour long discussion of the 'Bradley effect.' If Georgia or Indiana are called early for Obama, it's a leading indicator for a landslide." Meanwhile, Gawker's electoral map indicates McCain will likely be leading in the Electoral College until late in the evening (say, after 10pm) until the west coast starts to come in for Obama.

11:06am:

Conan voted!

The state of Florida claims its lines are only "20 minutes" long and that there are few reported problems. Have you heard different?

11:50am:

Trent Reznor weighs in. We're going to take a lunch break and go vote.

12:06pm:

The Obamas voted (in this video.)

1:02pm:

Just back from voting in Brooklyn. If it took 25 minutes to vote in a neighborhood like mine, I have to wonder how bad it must be getting in Ohio.

1:44pm:

Voting registration book problems in Kansas have been resolved, according to a CNN report.

Poll closing times: 7pm in Florida (for most polls), 7pm in New Hampshire (select cities are open till 8pm), at least 7pm in Oregon. More on poll closing times here.

3:40pm:

Back online after some technical problems. Joe the Plumber tried to vote but was denied because he was at the wrong polling location. Man, the McCain campaign can't do anything right, can it?

3:43pm:

A 109-year-old woman (hey, she's almost as old as McCain!), who is the daughter of a slave, was able to vote for Obama today.

3:48pm:

Let's update those poll closing times: 7:00: GA, IN, KY, SC, VT, VA; 7:30: NC, OH, WV; 8:00: AL, CT, DE, DC, FL, IL, ME, MD, MA, MI, MO, NH, NJ, OK, PA, TN; 8:30: AR; 9:00: AZ, CO, KS, LA, MI, MN, NE, NM, NY, ND, RI, SD, TX, WI, WY; 10:00: IA, MT, NV, UT, CA, HI, ID, OR, WA; 1:00am: AK. Most observers agree that if Obama wins IN and/or GA and VA early, this could be a blowout; otherwise, it could always go the other way, of course...

5:31pm:

Oddly enough, people are getting text messages telling them that, if they are Obama supporters, they should vote tomorrow because of long lines. Do Republicans really think their rivals are that dumb? (The answer: yes and some of them probably fell for it.)

Also, please don't send us any exit polling data. It's all junk anyway and we'll know within two hours or say anyway. Political Wire claims it will have results starting at 6pm easter-- link here.

5:34pm:

It might end up being an epic night regardless of the outcome, since it appears high turnout could delay the results. 1,000 voters were reportedly in line at a single polling site-- and this in Detroit, Michigan, which McCain has already conceded.

5:39pm:

Voted yet? It's not too late to throw your support behind... Lando Calrissian?

5:40pm:

Reports indicate Obama is making a last-minute effort to turn Indiana blue. We'll know in just a few short hours whether it was enough to turn the tide there. Can you believe we'll have actual hard date in under 90 minutes? So weird to watch the campaign to a screeching halt after so many months of incessant politicking.

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Wired Magazine Tracking Real-Time Voter Fraud... So You Know Where To Not Vote

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 13:42:00 GMT

Pictures of "fraud" are boring... so we went with this one instead. Sue us.

Virginia, Georgia, Kentucky, New Mexico, Nevada and other early-voting states are already tilting the election toward Obama... as long as the machines register their votes, of course.

Seriously, though, this year we'll be able to watch our votes disappear in real time, thanks to Wired's awesome new interactive map...

You can check out the map here... when you do, note the following interesting complaints:

1) A voter in Chicago complains he was challenged by an inspector and asked for proof of residence at the poll.
2) Long lines at the North Miami Public Library.
3) Incorrect votes recorded in Nevada (people-- make sure to double-check your selections, it can't hurt to spend an extra thirty seconds in that booth.)

Also note the map is just getting underway... it will likely be chock full of chaos within the next week...

Have you voted yet? Let us know if you saw or experienced anything unusual, in the comments. ("There was a black man on the ballot!" does not count.)

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If You're A Liberal And Terrified Your Vote Won't Count...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 13:08:00 GMT

...you won't want to watch this... or read this horror story from West Virginia (who would've thought, just six months ago, West Virginia would be this fierce?)

1) The horror show... this is former NRCC head Tom Davis at the National Press Club, answering a question from the audience about whether the GOP is going to be up to their usual tricks this time around. Remember: this is a GOP-friendly reporter asking a fellow GOPer if the GOP is going to put the band back together, as it were. The response is the most frightening political thing we've seen since Wally O'Dell, the guy in charge of many of Ohio's voting machines in 2004, said he was "committed to delivering [the state's] electoral votes to George Bush."

Note that it isn't so much what he says but how he says it... and the almost sinister laugh from the room. It's the closest thing we've ever seen to the media admitting the GOP is disgracefully and possibly illegally purging voters.

2) In case you think we're exaggerating or even, somehow, imagining that this hasn't been going on for years, here's another classic example:

Virginia Matheney and Calvin Thomas said touch-screen machines in the county clerk's office in Ripley kept switching their votes from Democratic to Republican candidates.

"When I touched the screen for Barack Obama, the check mark moved from his box to the box indicating a vote for John McCain," said Matheney...

When she reported the problem, she said, the poll worker in charge "responded that everything was all right. It was just that the screen was sensitive and I was touching the screen too hard. She instructed me to use only my fingernail."

Even after she began using her fingernail, Matheney said, the problem persisted.

She isn't the only one. The Charleston Gazette has reported that West Virginia is experiencing these problems all over, with election officials attributing the malfunction to "shifting" that occasionally occurs in transporting the machines to the polling sites. No one, of course, had an explanation for why there were all changing only Democratic votes.

More here. Image via Mother Jones.

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Obama and McCain Supporters Bring Out the Worst In All of Us

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 18:08:00 GMT

It seems that Republicans are so desperate to win they'll cheat and Democrats are so scared of any potential cheating that they will try to head off a "stolen" election with a few semi-legal or even illegal tactics of their own...

Here's today's insane roundup... scary, scary stuff... it's enough to make you think Bob Barr might pull it off after all...

1) Absentee voters in upstate New York were mailed ballots listing Barack's last name as "Osama".

The Democratic commissioner apologized profusely, stating that it was merely a typo and that three proofreaders somehow missed it! What other words did they have to check? "Vote" and "fill in one of these bubbles, morons?" Come on, this is just rigoddamneddiculous.

2) FoxNews thinks it has uncovered a case of voter fraud in Ohio. A pair of newlywed Obama supporters have been picking homeless people up and shuttling them to the early-voting polls, where they are allowed to register and vote on the spot, even without proof of residence. Power to the homeless, we say, but Fox disagrees:

Volunteers supporting Barack Obama picked up hundreds of people at homeless shelters, soup kitchens and drug-rehab centers and drove them to a polling place yesterday on the last day that Ohioans could register and vote on the same day, almost no questions asked. [Gasp! You mean they didn't ask them anything beyond "are you registered to vote?" and "okay, can you fill this out?" Oh my God! This may be totally illegal-- letting residents of a state who have lost their homes cast ballots anyway!]

Republicans have argued that the window could lead to widespread voter fraud because officials wouldn't have an opportunity to verify registration information before ballots were cast. [Fox]

3) A man was shot in the face, ostensibly for wearing a racially-charged t-shirt. The shirt? Pro-Obama. The shooter? Reportedly made racist comments at the scene of the shooting. The story here? The shooting was in South London.

If you hear any more evidence of voter fraud (besides the usual federal-law-violating voter purges within 90 days of an election, which is going on as we speak), let us know in the comments section.

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Teenage Girl Gets 2 Month Sentence For False Rape Allegation

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 14:57:00 GMT

A middle-aged taxi driver in England is suffering from a devastating rape allegation made against him by a 17-year-old girl.

Aftab Ahmed of Allerton, Bradford was publicly humiliated, lost thousands of pounds defending himself, and is still reeling from the stress caused by the charge... which was false. Now, the girl who was found to have blatantly lied about the incident has been slapped (on the wrist) with a two-month sentence. But Ahmed wants only one thing from her...

Ahmed said the girl had "destroyed" his life.
The teenager was told she would serve two months in custody, but the married father of 11-year-old twin daughters said: "Today is the worst day of my life, I can't imagine that the person who destroyed a whole family got only two months.
"I'm completely shattered by the news. She has destroyed my family life, my social life, and she has destroyed me economically. She destroyed my credibility. There is also the effect on my children. I believe they didn't consider these things completely.
"She should be named and shamed."

Shield laws protect the girl's name from being publicly outed, but Ahmed does have a point: in cases where a teenager is found guilty of a lie that caused irreparable harm to another person, especially when it comes to false accusations, shouldn't the teenager's name receive the same treatment?

She absolutely should. And I believe those who can be proven to have falsely accused someone else of rape should be made to serve the time the falsely accused would've, and pay restitution as well.
That said, how, really, do you ever give this guy back what he lost and repay him for the pain he and wife and his kids must have gone through? And, all because he picked up the wrong drunk brat and tried to get her home safely... [Advice Goddess]

Yes, Ahmed's first mistake was taking the girl home instead of calling her parents or the police. Miss Anonymous was drinking illegally with friends when her friendly taxi driver came to the rescue, promising her friends he'd get the girl home, and even giving them his registration number. The girl vomited half a dozen times on the way home, then, upon arrival, began to feel a pain in her vagina.

When she returned home she made the allegation of rape and took police to Baildon Moor where she said it had happened.
In a statement read to the court she said: "I was upset, I was drunk and experienced a pain with my vagina. I was extremely disorientated in the taxi. I arrived home. At that stage I seriously believed I had experienced a genuine sexual assault. I returned to normality and realised it had not taken place. By that time the police were on their way. The incident had spiraled out of control and I was concerned about what would happen if I said it had not happened at all."

What do you think? Was two months a fair punishment?

Via Yorkshire Evening Post.

New Orleans Politician Arrested While Getting-- How Perfect-- A Lap Dance

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 12:01:00 GMT

Our idiot of the day is State Senator Derrick Shepherd, who was busted for assaulting and robbing his ex-girlfriend at his house (which he claims isn't his house), while getting what officers figured was a lap dance...

1) In the wee hours of Saturday morning, Shepherd, who represents a district in Louisiana's Jefferson Parish, began throwing rocks at his ex-girlfriend's bedroom window (according to the unproven claim by the ex, of course.) When his ex made the huge mistake of letting him in, he thanked her for her courtesy by punching her in the stomach.

2) The ex then locked herself in a second floor room. Most guys would get the hint by now, but not this Senator: he fought valiantly for her attentions, damaging the door in the process. Somehow, the ex subsequently escaped from the house, but...

3) ...for some insane reason, decided not to go for help, reentered the house and "shoved," she says, Shepherd out of it. That was when she discovered that her cell phone and $100 was missing.

4) Cops showed up a little while later at an address they knew to be Shepherd's. Shepherd, you should know, has been fighting charges that he does not legally reside in the district he represents. (The house where the police found him at, which everyone knows is his full-time residence, is actually three miles outside the district, which would make him ineligible for the seat.)

5) The cops enter and find two unidentified women (hookers? strippers? transvestite stripper hookers? what, tell us!) plus Shepherd on the couch. One of the women is performing the act that Tila Tequila is failing to do in the above picture. The NOPD arrest Shepherd.

Okay, this is all fine and dandy so far, but where's the payoff? Not to worry, we won't let you down:

6) The article goes on to state that

the [missing] phone was later found at Shepherd's home when he was arrested. [The ex apparently] sustained abrasions to her left wrist and her lower abdomen.
In April, Shepherd was indicted by a federal grand jury on five criminal charges, including mail fraud, conspiracy to commit mail and wire fraud, and conspiracy to commit money laundering. Prosecutors say he fabricated records at his law office to give unlicensed bond broker Gwen Moyo access to $141,000 in checks written to one of her companies whose accounts were frozen by the state Department of Insurance. He kept about $65,000 and returned the rest to Moyo and her associates. About $20,000 of that amount was used to pay campaign debt, according to the indictment.
In his comments to reporters Sunday morning, Shepherd responded to the newest charges by saying he can take it if people criticize him, but it's a different matter if people threaten his mother or sister.
"The only thing I'm guilty of is not calling the police first myself," he said.

Ah, the old They Insulted My Mother sympathy trick! We haven't seen this since police started laughing criminals into custody for this one a hundred years ago. Since then, most people are intelligent enough to either keep their mouths shut or come up with a better excuse.

Please don't resign (yet), Senator Shepherd. You're keeping us highly entertained...

Via NOLA.com.

Clinton's Got the Mojo, But Obama's Got the Hot Dog

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 13:00:00 GMT

And so we've come to yet another crossroads in this campaign. Today's the day that four key states vote: Texas, Ohio, Vermont, and Rhode Island. Two are no brainers (Obama = VT, Clinton = RI) and two are toss-ups, tied when you even out the polls, although the most recent numbers point to a clear favorite to come up on top today.

Here's a rundown on the recent news so you can more expeditiously return to reading about elfin porn:

Ohio: A must win state for Hillary. She's ahead by between 4 and 16 points, depending on which idiotic pollster you take seriously.
Texas: A must win state for Hillary. She will likely lose either the popular vote or the delegate race or both. Either way, expect the media to focus solely on the popular vote winner, even though the delegate count is much more important. (To explain: like everything else in Texas, the electoral system is crazy. There's a regular popular vote, plus a caucus, and the caucus winner will probably get the most delegates out of the state. Lost yet? Obama will win the caucus vote, but the popular vote is going to go down to the wire, like New Mexico did, and we may not even know the winner until tomorrow. Right now, most polls show a narrow lead for Obama, which should translate to something of a draw in the numbers, but a chance for Hillary's spinmeister's to shoot off a press release about "momentum.")
Vermont: Obama is expected to win easily here. Neither campaign is putting much effort into the state besides a few campaign offices.
Rhode Island: Clinton will win by between four and nine percent.

Unless the media spins the story from today as being a Clinton comeback, it will remain nearly impossible for Clinton to roll back toward the nomination. Obama is just too far ahead in the delegate count.

It's hard to fathom a more important political story today, but the trial of Tony Rezko may be right up there. Reports of Obama's involvement with Rezko, who is under indictment in Illinois for some good ol' extortion, money laundering, and fraud, could be very damaging to his campaign if the Senator can be linked to any wrongdoing. From yesterday's Times (UK):

Buried on page 59 of the indictment is a reference to one of many alleged kickbacks on a state contract that appears to have ended up as a $10,000 donation to an unnamed "political candidate".

The kickback was allegedly arranged by Antoin "Tony" Rezko, a Syrian immigrant who became a powerful political fixer in Chicago. The "political candidate" who benefited from the $10,000 has been identified as Barack Obama, the Democratic contender calling for "change we can believe in" in the presidential race, who is said to be a longtime friend of Mr Rezko. If that does wind up to be the case, with Obama actually being named as the actual "political candidate", it will be a political earthquake.

[Photo: New York Times]