Scanner : football

Footballers Take the Blue Pill

Colleen Kane — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 17:11:00 GMT

Cyclists are known to train in mountainous areas, and other athletes train at high altitutudes to get an extra comptetitve edge, but a football (as in soccer) coach in Bolivia has taken things a step further.

The former phisotherapist of the team Blooming (that's not them above, but this pic is appropriate) revealed a rather unsusual prescription he wrote for at least nine of the players.

Rodrigo Figueora prescribed Viagra to help oxegenate the blood of the players, who hail from Santa Cruz but need to be at peak performance in the capital city of La Paz. Their hometown is at 400m (1,300 feet), while La Paz is at 3,500 m.

The players were unaware they were taking the drug, as it was administrated mixed with fruit juice.

"We prescribed it for several players, especially those who suffered most from altitude," the good doctor said.

And were there any...er...other effects of this Viagra?

"At altitude you win, you draw, you lose. The best results came when the team relied on strong tactical nous."

Related:

My Kind of Protest: Soccer Players Dropping Drawers

Austria Defeats Germany in Topless Women's Football Match

You Lucky Londoners Get To See The Transvestite Mexican Midget Wrestling Match

This Week in Sex: We Couldn't Stuff It All In

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 22:06:00 GMT

We hope this is real and not the viral marketing work of some jean company...

Sometimes the stories are too small for their own posts. Sometimes there are two many stories for one week, which is definitely the case here.

Today, we'll present: the Not Ready For Daytime Players... in This Week in Sex, featuring tales of football teams, Bollywood nudity, Melissa Joan Hart, Playboy, brothers, and... Susan Boyle?!

A minister in Florida (where else) is being investigated for possibly sexually assaulting members of a high school football team. The man allegedly promised his victims help in their athletic careers-- not sure how his religion fits into sports. Maybe he promised to rig the coin tosses?

Apparently, there will be full frontal male nudity in a Bollywood movie. (We can't confirm that this is actually the first legitimate male nude scene from that genre, but it sounds about right.)

Melissa Joan Hart says she never did Playboy because her Maxim cover caused her brother too much embarrassment.

The State of Nevada decided not to tax brothel sex, but not before this classic quote was delivered:

"I don't know why people won't recognize that we have a legal industry," state Sen. Bob Coffin, who introduced the legislation, told the Associated Press. "I'm willing to go in and do the dirty work if no one else will."

Thanks, Senator, but your sexpertise won't be required. Moving on...

Those scary-lookers had some of the loudest sex we've ever heard (of.)

In Indiana, two little girls walked in on group sex in the bathroom of their local people Taco Bell.

Unlike our cheerleading coach friend, this woman deserved get fired: a teacher was given the boot for taking a bunch of girls to a strip club. The biggest problem is that some of the girls were under 18 and could've been arrested.

And the new porn marketing gimmick is officially is to offer whomever dominates the news a role in adult film in exchange for a million dollars:

See what [Publicity-Hungry Production Assholes] did there? Set up an entire website for something that will never happen (much like the Octomom porn) and then sit back and watch the traffic skyrocket for a headline that reads "Susan Boyle Does a Porn (Maybe)." Chances are, Boyle will never even see this site, and has never been contacted by these people. But just associating their adult films with a recent phenomena is the oldest trick in the book. Although who would ever pay to see Boyle lose her virginity on camera is another story alltogether.

This Teenage Sex Tape Craze Is Getting Out of Hand...

No One's Getting Laided On Facebook Anymore

Tropical Ants Have Completely Done Away With Men

Sloppy Seconds: Gisele's "Wake-Up Call"

Emily Farris — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 22:13:00 GMT

R.I.P. New York Times City Section. [Jossip]

A couple in the UK spent 20 years making a model of the town where they first met. Now that's true love, suckers. [Telegraph]

When NASA started an online contest to name the International Space Station's new living quarters, they had no idea Stephen Colbert would start a little campaign to have it named after him. And that he would succeed. [Yahoo!]

Pete Wentz (and his PENIS!) hopes that his wife Ashlee Simpson will "play the bitch" when she stars on the new Melrose Place. [Us]

Gisele Bündchen says that the arrival of hubby Tom Brady's child with Bridget Moynahan was "a wake-up call." In a good way. [People]

[Image]

My Kind of Protest: Soccer Players Dropping Drawers

Colleen Kane — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 22:02:00 GMT

Although I hate sports, I got into the European football matches during their championship matches last summer while traveling abroad. It didn't hurt that a lot of the players were easy on the eyes and constantly showing a little well-toned leg.

In the case of the Spanish soccer team El Galactico Pegoso, they're not afraid to show a little more leg and Speedo-size underwear, either. As you'll see in this local news coverage of the incident, the team dropped trou as a protest* for not getting paid.

This lineup isn't quite as fetching as some from last summer, but you get the idea.

*This protest style would not have looked quite as good if it were used for last winter's writer's strike.

Soccer Pro in Most Boring Sextape Scandal Ever?

World's Greatest Mom Defends Daughter's Honor... Shotgun Style

Via OhLaLaMag

Hot or Not? Victoria Beckham in Armani Underwear

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 16:56:00 GMT

Victoria Beckham has always struck us as the kind of woman Brits go crazy for, but the rest of the world cannot get into. If she weren't married to the top footballer, would the world remember her or would she just fall into obscurity, along with the rest of the Spice Girls?

Having recently signed a 12-million-pound modeling deal, Victoria will definitely be in the public eye on her own a lot more, and, if this keeps up, might be able to win us over...

'There are loads of things I don't like about my body', she said. 'I've got so much saggy skin on my stomach.'
The pictures of Victoria, which will grace billboards and magazines are from her first shoot in the three-year multi-million pound deal.

What do you think of her new Armani campaign? Are we done with her, can we move on?

Photos via Telegraph.

Related:

What Happens When You've Got Nothing Left To Live For...

Carmen Electra's Latest Playboy Shoot Explains Why The Magazine Is Failing

Creepy Dudes Now Using Sex Tapes To Blackmail You Into... Giving Them Nude Photos?

Our Favorite Leftover Photos of 2008

In Photo War, Patriots Cheerleaders Outdo Cleveland Cavs Cheerleaders

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 15:12:00 GMT

The Cleveland Cavaliers cheerleaders had a photo scandal earlier this month that resulted in many self-righteous commentators spewing nonsense about how disgraceful their innocent, playful, and totally raunchy pics were. (Bill O'Reilly, as usual, had to outdo everyone by giving the girls a public spanking: "[T]his isn't ... the inner city; you would think that these kids would have some kind of a values system.")

In the ensuing chaos, everyone forgot about another cheerleader scandal-- that one in football, courtesy of the New England Patriots. (Still with us?) Next, the other Patriots cheerleaders, we're guessing wildly here, got jealous of all their rivals' media attention and FHM offers and decided to leak sexy photos from the past...

Here are the best, courtesy of some guy named Don Chavez. We're guessing he makes tequila or something.

Oh. How risque... they possess lingerie and footwear. Whoopee.

Nude High School Cheerleader Scandal is Disturbing for a Few Reasons

Is "Tech Sex" Somewhere Between Cyber Sex and Technical Sex?

Hooters Fires Physically-Abused Waitress For Not Looking Hot Enough

Everybody is Just Jealous of Scantily Clad, Santa-Outfit Wearing, Middle-Aged Sports Fan

Colleen Kane — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 16:16:00 GMT

Yesterday, we alerted you to the plight of Miss Football, model/superfan Sondra Fortunato, who was recently booted from a Giants game. According to her, some women must have gotten jealous after seeing what she was wearing, or not wearing.

But after reading the description of her getup, we here at Scanner, who admittedly have little understanding of "laws," are wondering how legal her ejection was...

Miss Football's fishnet Santa outfit accessorized with a tiara, bikini bottom, and high-heeled boots apparently caused many easily offended squares to complain. Security came asking her to cover up with a sweater, and Sondra replied that you couldn't even see her underwear.

She also had a couple of signs and a parcel of some sort, which are not allowed at games (although she got in with them?), so she was shown the door.

Since when does Giants Stadium employ fashion police?

Related:

(Bonkers) Woman Ejected From Giants Game For Big Boobs

Hot or Not: Lingerie Football League?

Lingerie Football League Keeps Bad Girls "Out Of Trouble"

Austria Defeats Germany in Topless Women's Football Match

Image: missfootball.com

(Bonkers) Woman Ejected From Giants Game For Big Boobs

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 21:18:00 GMT

You may have heard about the crazy, fame-hungry Sondra Fortunato and her attempt to make a football game worth watching this week.

Sondra wore fishnets, a Santa Suit, and ginormous fake boobies to the delight of Giants fans both at the stadium and on TV. For her troubles, she was unceremoniously booted from the game.

From her sadly-designed website:

Sondra has been honored to represent Miss Liberty @ certain functions. Her main area is character modeling & print. It seems where evershe goes people know her and receive her warmly, after all she is part of the show. [All typos and spelling/grammatical errors are hers.]

The Giants management disagreed with that self assessment. They objected to her tiara, leather boots, bathing suit... and Santa top. "Can't you come to the stadium dressed like a normal person?" The self-proclaimed Miss Football is unaware of her odd fashion sense, and so was baffled that anyone would think she was gross. "I guess some ladies got jealous and complained," she told the New York Post with a shrug.

Via various sources.

Related:

Top 5 Susan Sarandon Sex Scenes

Taylor Swift: Joe Jonas Likes It Up the Butt

Skull Spikes, Arm Ears and 5 Other Things We'll Never Do To Our Bodies

Britney Wants a Breast Reduction

The Ice Man Cometh, Surviveth, And Breaketh World Records

While You Were Sleeping: 93% Prefer Real Boobs

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 14:01:00 GMT

A woman who selflessly built homes for Katrina victims is CNN's Hero of the Year, an award which is obviously way cooler than Time's Person of the Year.

However, you look at it, this company is in deep shit: a radio station is being sued after a Win A Date With A Great Guy contest ended in the unlucky winner being raped. One commenter: "Is the radio station [really] responsible for doing a through criminal background check? What's a 24 year old woman dating a 46 year old man anyway?" Answers: possibly and we have no clue whatsoever.

Here it is, the annual annoying survey of the Top 10 stars you'd like to invite over for Thanksgiving...

1. Jennifer Aniston
2. Tina Fey
3. Ellen DeGeneres + Portia De Rossi
4. Patrick Dempsey
5. Suri Cruise
6. Tyra Banks
7. Jonas Brothers
8. Keira Knightley
9. Beyonce Knowles
10. Robert Pattinson

Barack Obama joked he's going to throw his "weight around" regarding college football playoff rules. Isn't it great to have a President(-elect) whose kidding doesn't make you scream in horror?

Remember that big Hollywood wiretap scandal involving Tom Cruise and some other celebrities? The culprit was sentenced to three years in prison.

Biden does appear to be setting up his Senate seat for his son to take over in 2010.

93% of respondents to a Fark survey said they prefer real boobs to fake ones. Duh. It would've been more of a story if the question was, "Which do you prefer: small natural boobs or big enhanced boobs?"

And you could win a $500 gift card to Ikea and a date with one of the guys from Pavement.

Sloppy Seconds: Prostitution Is Now Rape in the U.K.?

Not To Be Outdone, Sunday School Teacher Gets In On The Jailbait Action

The Second Life Divorce Gets Funnier After The Split

Cheerleaders "Streak" High School Football Game

Video of the Day: The Tailgating Stripper Pole

Emily Farris — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 16:09:00 GMT

Tailgating at an LSU football game + a stripper pole = the most delightfully tacky thing you'll see all day.

Related:

Stripper Pole Company Developing Stripping Game For The Wii

Stripper Pole Brailled For Art's Pleasure

In the News: Stripper Gets Worker's Comp, Michelle Rodriguez Gets Jail Time

[Image]

We'd Rather Be The Crazy Cat Lady Than Pimp Ourselves Out During the Super Bowl

Emily Farris — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 20:01:00 GMT

But not this woman.

Amy Borkowsky is trying to raise $3 million so she can air her own personals ad during the Super Bowl. A cute idea for a romantic comedy starring Cameron Diaz, but in real life, well, it just seems a little... desperate. Or does it? Considering she's a comedian, this could just be a big publicity stunt, but what do you think? Is she charming or just plain crazy?

[New York Post via Jezebel]

While You Were Sleeping: The Facebook Firing

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 13:51:00 GMT

It became apparent that a Boston-area football coach was stealing from the school's uniform fund when he made an ATM withdrawal of $500 at 1am while standing next to a strip club.

A teacher in a Daytona-area school district was busted for some sleazy motel sex with her seventeen-year-old male charge.

Miss Louisiana Teen USA lost her title in the most embarrassing way imaginable: for skipping out on a restaurant check (what, they don't pay you enough, toots?) and, adding arrest to injury, leaving her marijuana behind.

David Duchovny filed a lawsuit over that tennis-pro-cheating bullshit story.

We always knew there'd eventual be a news story about some dummy getting busted by their boss for revealing, via a Facebook status update, that they are not actually "sick at home."

[H]e was found out when his boss spotted this Facebook profile update on the day in question, August 21: "Kyle Doyle is not going to work, f*** it I'm still trashed. SICKIE WOO!"

Ha ha, dickweed. Speaking of dickweeds, this guy claimed he was on his way to see Beyonce and that's why a cop shouldn't arrest him for driving like a drunk driver.

A Florida website about politics: "Top 5 reasons McCain could still win." No mention of what our #1 reason would be: "FLORIDA."

Related:

I Wasn't Going to Live Blog the Debate...

World's Greatest Mom Defends Daughter's Honor... Shotgun Style

While You Were Sleeping: Drunk Cheerleaders Make Sports Watchable Again

12-Year-Old Boy Gets Arrested For Attacking Pregnant Teacher, Threatening To Kill Her

Junior High Teacher Charged With... Oh My...

While You Were Sleeping: Beyonce Is One Sexy Cop

Lingerie Football League Keeps Bad Girls "Out Of Trouble"

Ina Maier — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 19:40:00 GMT

So, what's better than group of hot, half-naked chicks? Well, a group of hot, half-naked chicks playing football!

CNN's homepage, long the bastion of Very Important News, has a killer little clip on "Lingerie Football," a full-league spin-off of the "popular 35-minute Lingerie Bowl games played on pay-per-view during Super Bowl halftime the past three years." (Who knew? Well, actually, Scanner Brian did... but we didn't, maybe because we have to pay for it.)

Tryouts started on Friday for the Seattle Mist - one of 10 proposed teams for this nubile new league - and the women came out in droves. So why, exactly, are the women auditioning for this league? Says one tryer-outer, "[It's] something to keep me out of trouble...keep me out of the bars 'till late. Y'know?" Says another, when reminded of the fact that "there's gonna be people watching [her] run around in [her] undies: "I know! My mom and I are excited!"

Can't wait? Well, you're gonna have to. Games aren't expected to start until next year because, duh!, "football skill isn't a requirement." Rest assured, "the tryout at Green Lake Field was more about...gauging beauty."

via CNN, Seattle Times

Related:

Hot or Not: Lingerie Football League?

Sloppy Seconds: Eva Longoria's Lingerie Past

Making Stripteases A Cinch: Dita Von Teese Shills For Wonderbra

Scanner Highs And Lows: Battle of the Sexies

NFL Player Accidentally Posts Photo Of His Penis On His Blog

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 21:01:00 GMT

Above, is a photo Washington Redskins tight end Chris Cooley posted on his blog, minus about 2%, which we've cropped out...

What's missing from this pic, now that it's only 98% of the original? The same thing that's missing from all photoblogs...

We were alerted to Cooley's public humiliation when he posted the following note on his website yesterday afternoon, under the title "We're Dumb." (Way to go, Chris, trying to make it look like it could've been someone else's dingaling by using the term "we.")

All apologies from the website. We are very sorry that we showed a penis on our website all day yesterday. That was by no means our intention and we did not want to offend anyone. The picture wouldn't have been up for so long, but we were in the middle of winning a big game. Once again, this was a complete accident and we regret not reviewing the post more closely. Thanks.

Cooley, we know it was you. You poor, poor bastard... although congrats on that big win!

All bloggers take heed: if you're naked and taking pictures or video, this could be you. (Not that we want you to stop...)

Via Chris Cooley. Photos via various hackers.

Related:

Help! The Giant Penis Man Needs You!

Artist's Penis Commits World's Largest Indecent Exposure

Penis Eating Fish Plague Australian Harbor

Penis Iceberg, Right Ahead!

UPDATE: A Plethora of Penis Photos

China's Amazing Penis Restaurant

Crush of the Week: Pete Wentz

Hot or Not: Lingerie Football League?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 16:34:00 GMT

In a move that team owners are calling "True Fantasy Football," some burly middle-aged guys think they have unleashed the greatest new sport.

Forget the XFL. Forget Arena Football or even boring College Football. (We have.) The real threat to the NFL's stranglehold on the pigskin is a gimmick that combines dreaming about Victoria's Secret models and the other favorite male pastime: watching football on your fat ass...

Perhaps you heard about the Lingerie Bowl, taking place as a sort of alternative halftime show near the stadiums where the Super Bowl is held? Well, apparently, the virus is spreading... the LFL (as it may or may not be called in shorthand) has turned itself into a full-on league, with ten franchise teams and a major Lingerie Bowl in Tampa next year. As if Florida is in enough danger from criminals who host yard sales consisting of electronics they stole from their next door neighbors, a closeted homosexual Republican governor who pretends to be getting married, hurricanes, butterfly ballots, and a flooded coastline, they now have lingerie-clad football players helping usher in the apocalypse.

Then again, if this is what the apocalypse looks like, there's a soundbite that George W. Bush once stole from a Kirsten Dunst movie that we think might be appropriate here...

Some images via The Superficial, most of the bad ones via the actual LFL site.

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: Eva Longoria's Lingerie Past

Making Stripteases A Cinch: Dita Von Teese Shills For Wonderbra

Scanner Highs And Lows: Battle of the Sexies

While You Were Sleeping: The Pregnant Lady Lingerie Controversy

Scanner Highs And Lows: Nudie Shoot City

Welcome To The Wonderful World Of Naked Rugby

While You Were Sleeping: Ciara's Naked Vibe Cover

While You Were Sleeping: We'll Score Or Go Topless For You

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 13:48:00 GMT

Don't you wish America's Next Top Models were making sex tapes, too?

Isn't this entrapment? An Ohio man came upon a topless woman in a park. The woman, noting that the park was empty, asked him to take out his dick. He obliged and was promptly arrested as part of a sting operation.

Did you hear about the naked airplane passenger?

An American Airlines flight from Boston to Los Angeles was diverted to Oklahoma City on Friday after a passenger stripped nude and later tried to open an emergency exit door before being subdued by members of a professional soccer team and others, the FBI said.

If you're going to kill yourself by jumping in front of a train, the least you could do is not traumatize the driver for life by staring into his eyes.

Neil Young talked about living with war (both the album and the state of being) on Charlie Rose. Not news, but you should check it out anyway.

More than 5,000 people donated to a guy running for office in nowhere Kansas after a cartoon about his candidacy took off on the internet. (To put things in perspective: he shattered previous records of only a few hundred people ever donating in such a race.)

An English footballer, scoreless since 2006, has vowed to score

five goals in this season’s push for promotion. If he is not successful then he and the rest of the United first team will get their kit off and pose for a topless calendar with the proceeds going to charity.

Topless soccer players? Come on, dudes... if you were serious, it would be a calendar with the full monty.

Male Mormon Missionaries Go Topless For The Hell Of It

Today in Bad-Assery: The Neil Young Archives, 1963-1972

David Beckham and Friend Protect Their Balls?

Emily Farris — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 16:51:00 GMT

We'd like to know what David Beckham and his teammate are doing below the belt. Whatever it is, it's kind-of hot.

Are they merely protecting their balls from the ball? Is this normal? They're holding on a little tight, don't you think? We don't watch enough football to know for sure, though.

[Via our not-so-slutty sister FameCrawler]

Video of the Day: If You're Gonna Score, Score Big

Emily Farris — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 21:45:00 GMT

We're not big sports fans, but we do appreciate victory, scoring and celebration. And this video of a football/soccer score totally counts as scoring porn.

via videosift.com

Does Jessica Simpson's BF Tony Romo Have Performance Anxiety?

Emily Farris — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 14:36:00 GMT

A few months ago we started to see TV commercials for official women's NFL gear. We were kind of grossed out by it, mostly because the girls in the commercials had big hair and acrylic nails and were high-fiving each other in midriff-baring football jerseys, and we thought, if they were going to go that route, wasn't the whole point to be "cute" wearing some guy's over-sized jersey with undersized shorts or something? We also aren't big fans of football or the color pink. Isn't the whole point of wearing team gear to wear team colors? Despite all that, we haven't seen Jessica in a while, so we were pleasantly surprised to see this photo of her in a pinkish Dallas Cowboys jersey at the game last night (oh, hey, there was a game last night?), supporting her new boyfriend Tony Romo, even though he seems to have a little performance anxiety when it comes to the ladies:

Her new boyfriend struggled all game, throwing three interceptions and fumbling the ball twice as his heavily favored Cowboys lost to the Philadelphia Eagles, 10-6. At one point, the network even showed a montage of Simpson, 27, spliced with shots of Romo's bad throws. As commentator Joe Buck noted, "It's never easy to play in front of your girlfriend."

That seems especially true for Romo. The 27-year-old Pro-Bowler ended the game with a quarterback rating of just 22.2 – that's the worst ever in his entire career. (In comparison, his average rating this year is over 100.) His previous low? Last December, when then-girlfriend Carrie Underwood was in the stands.

[Via People]