Scanner : food we'd like to fuck

Kama Sutra Chocolate

Emily Farris — Tue, 12 May 2009 20:47:00 GMT

VIA THE MODERN MATERIALIST: What is it about chocolate and sex that go so well together? Never mind, I think I figured it out.

Anyway, want the Kama Sutra in chocolate form? So do I, but this solid milk chocolate bar only comes in one Kama Sutra position of your choice. Which is too bad, because there's an even better, naughtier version of the Kama Sutra in Chocolate:

Read more...

Food We'd Like to F*ck: Ace of Cakes' LOST Cake

Emily Farris — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 20:25:00 GMT

To celebrate (what we assume is the taping of) LOST's 100th episode, the folks at ABC brought in the pros from Ace of Cakes to make the sweet cake pictured above. But perhaps more exciting are the Dharma beer cupcakes, "chugged" by Sawyer. Well, that and the obligatory Juliette's-boobs-next-to-the-cake shot.

Is it just us or does she look really good dirty?

Related:

Crush of the Week: The Newest Couple on "Lost" (With Bonus Boob Talk)

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**Food We'd Like to F*ck: Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Topped Cupcakes**

**Today in Food We'd Like to F*ck: The Hamburger Fatty Melt**

Chimps Will Put Out for a Piece of Meat, And So Will We

Emily Farris — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 17:09:00 GMT

JUST IN CASE YOU MISSED THIS STORY WHEN SCANNER COLLEEN DID IT A WEEK AGO (BECAUSE SCANNER EMILY DID—FLUCK!)

And by piece of meat we don't mean that beefcake from the elliptical machine—or the nearest tree if we're talking about chimps. No we mean delicious, bloody, iron-filled, gets-stuck-in-your-teeth meat.

Researches recently found, after following around 20 adult chimpanzees in Côte d’Ivoire's Taï National Park, that female chimps put out more often for males that shared food with them than for those who didn't.

Now, the chimps aren't going on dates, exchanging meat for sex that night. The barter happens over the course of weeks or months, with the males "accruing credit" by supplying the lady chimps with meat from multiple hunts.

"They can keep track somehow of what they have received or given in the past," said one of the anthropologists involved in the study. "It doesn't mean they're aware of this. It could be emotional. In humans, you don’t even really know how many coffees someone has bought for you in the past, you just generally feel that this person is nice to you. It creates a positive feeling toward that person."

Makes sense. If a guy was constantly bringing us steak sandwiches, steak frites, juicy hamburgers and street meat, we imagine it'd only be a matter of time before we'd want to get our hands—and mouth—on his meat. And if that makes us no better than a monkey, well... we'd rather be a monkey with a steady stream of steak and sex than a respectable human without either.

[FOXNews: Chimps Exchange Meat for Sex, Study Finds]

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Emily Farris — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 22:33:00 GMT

Apparently, we're one step closer to having eternal sunshine in our spotless minds. Except, instead of forgetting about Jim Carrey doctors might be able to make us forget how much we love hamburgers. And pulled pork. And cheesecake. And those little biscuits at the seafood place. And that would be so, so awesome. [NYT]

We sort of wish we would have waited to break our wrist at the Down & Derby that Cosmo Baker is spinning at instead of the one (about this time last year) that featured some DJ we'd never even heard of. Anyway, if you're in New York and a better roller skater than we are, you should check this out. We will be in town for it, but we will not be seeing you there. [TheKeyRoom]

An iPod you can control with your facial expressions? No thanks. One day we're walking down the street trying to skip from the Katy Perry version of "I Kissed a Girl" to the Jill Sobule version. Next thing you know the guy is telling the cops he could have sworn we were begging him to put his penis in our mouth. [Reuters]

That bisexual reality star we're no longer allowed to talk about thinks that she and Meghan McCain are very similar because they're both Scorpios and they both...wait for it... "have strong opinions about things." [Us]

While Farrah Fawcett fights an uphill battle against cancer her son Redmond can't help but get into a little bit of trouble. [RadarOnline]

Patrick Swayze seems to be faring a little better in the cancer department, though it's all still so sad. [People]

Here's yet another reminder that oral sex will give you mouth AIDS or cancer or something like that. [Jossip]

Speaking of oral... we have to admit that though we've heard her name, we have no idea who Aubrey O'Day is, but apparently Kathy Griffin likes the taste of her mouth. [FadedYouth]

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Which Would The Hipster Rather: Breast Milk Cupcakes vs. Cow Milk Cupcakes?

Emily Farris — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 22:13:00 GMT

Leave it to Vice to try and settle the breast milk debate once and for all by getting a hipster to eat breast milk cupcakes. Well, not so much just eat breast milk cupcakes, but do a blind tasting of regular (cow) milk cupcakes vs. breast milk cupcakes.

In case you’re still dubious towards imbibing of le lait teton, we forced our friend Patrick to do a taste test: Breast-milk cupcakes vs. some regular old cow-milk cupcakes. He was hesitant, but we were like, “Suck it up, wimp!” And we went on, “Don’t you think it’s weird that humans are the only mammals who still drink milk as adults? And not even our own, but baby fluid for a whole other species? Did you ever think about the fact that we’ve mutated our own stomachs in order to be able to digest bovine baby fluid, Four-Eyes?”

And then Patrick went, “Let’s eat these cupcakes, by Christ!” After quietly chewing for a few minutes, he whispered, “I… I can’t tell any difference at all.” But we said, “No, you have to choose one.” So he held up the cupcake in his right hand and said, “This one is vaguely tastier.” And guess what, it was the boobcake! Breast milk officially wins!

Um, Vice, we think you mean human breast milk officially wins? But whatever, we sort-of wish we'd thought of this ourselves, if only so we'd have an excuse to eat two cupcakes. And if anyone is giving away free cupcakes, we say 'bring on the breast milk!'

[Vice: Hello Titty]

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That's How Obama Rolls

Emily Farris — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 18:17:00 GMT

VIA THE MODERN MATERIALIST: Do you heart Obama as much as you heart sushi?

Read more...

This Porno Parsnip Has a Wee Peen

Emily Farris — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 21:33:00 GMT

It may be small, but aren't you just the slightest bit impressed that it even has a peen? You know you want to see it...

Unfortunately for that parsnip, he has nothing on this carrot.

[Gothamist: NSFW: Porno Parsnip!]

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My Milkshake Brings All the Lard to My A*s

Emily Farris — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 20:51:00 GMT

Have you ever wondered why you get really excited about food, while other people eat it purely because they have to to survive—just like they have to put gas in their cars or drink water or put on clothes every day? Well, we wonder all the time. You probably know by now how much we love food, and when we say there's "Food We'd Like to Fuck" we really just mean we want to eat it in the most amazing way possible. So, yeah, we like food. But why, or how, do some other people eat it just because they have to?

While we're sad those people don't get to enjoy food the way we do, we certainly envy them, or rather, their waistlines.

But it turns out that the difference between how much we love the milkshakes and how much they love the milkshakes might have more to do with science than how much comfort food our parents gave us as children.

In a study of young girls and women, scientists tested the brain's response to a "highly palatable food" - chocolate milkshakes. They found that the part of the brain that releases the feel-good chemical dopamine in response to eating is less active in the obese.

The effect was most pronounced in women born with a gene that reduces their dopamine output by up to 30 to 40 per cent. Not only did their brains show the most blase or blunted reaction to the milkshake, but also, they were more likely to gain weight over the next year.

Scientists discovered it takes more food for obese people to experience the same 'high' as lean people, much as what happens with alcohol or drug abuse. 'If you want to avoid obesity, don't start walking down that path,' said Eric Stice, lead author of the report.

Published in this week's issue of the journal Science, the study is one of the first to show how individual differences in how the brain processes food reward "might put people at risk for overeating given this environment where there's just lots of really palatable food available," said co-author Dana Small, associate professor at Yale University.

The study underscores just how complex the brain's control or response to food is, says a Canadian obesity expert.

"It's quite an exciting study," said Dr. David Lau, chair of the diabetes and endocrine research group at the University of Calgary and president of Obesity Canada. "What they found was that overweight people have less excitatory response. They have to eat more in order to arrive at the same kind of satisfactory signals."

Researchers say it may be possible to turn on the dopamine response using drugs or behavioural therapies.

This could also explain why we can't have just a little sex, or a little whiskey:

His team focused on a particular part of the brain called the dorsal stratum, which is involved in food reward. "It's a circuit involved in everything that makes us feel good," Stice explains - having sex, eating a good meal, drinking alcohol or using drugs. "It's really the same neuro pathway...
"We think what's really going on is, if you consume a diet rich in fat and sugar, you get down regulation of the reward circuitry," Stice said. "By flooding the brain with dopamine your brain adjusts to having fewer receptors." That means it takes more food to experience the same "high" as lean people, much what happens with alcohol or drug abuse.

It is true that when we go without any of these things for an extended period of time (sex, alcohol, sugar, bacon), we start to think we can live without it.

[Canada.com: Obese people respond differently to food, study shows]

Today in Food We'd Like to F*ck: The Hamburger Fatty Melt

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Image via Yahoo: Not My Ass

Today in Food We'd Like to F*ck: The Hamburger Fatty Melt

Emily Farris — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 14:59:00 GMT

Ladies and gentlemen, meet the Hamburger Fatty Melt. Created by the folks over at A Hamburger Today, this burger between two grilled cheese sandwiches is the equivalent of a cute, super talented skinny hipster guy we'd really like to fuck... you know, just because "there's something about him."

Well, those hamburger-loving people just took it there and put a fucking beard and a pot belly on this guy... now we're seriously creaming our pants over the Bacon Hamburger Fatty Melt.

Not only is there bacon on the hamburger, the grilled cheese sandwiches that serve as buns are stuffed with bacon as well. We're sure this is an entire week's worth of Weight Watchers points yet we're tempted to try it. We're a little sad the tomato got lost in the shuffle, but this burger might just take the Food We'd Like to Fuck Cake.

[A Hamburger Today: The Bacon Hamburger Fatty Melt]

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Food We'd Like to F*ck: Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Topped Cupcakes

Emily Farris — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 14:01:00 GMT

Hello, lover! We mean, hello cupcakes we'd like to bend over a table and ~~fuck~~ eat.

What is it about raw cookie dough that's so amazing? And is it possible for one to subsit on it alone? No, what about with cake?

If you'd like to try these at home, and send them to us, the recipe, via Not Eating Out in New York, is after the jump.

Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough-Topped Cupcakes
(makes 6 cupcakes)

for the basic vanilla cupcakes:
1/2 cup sugar
1/4 cup unsalted butter, softened
1 large egg
3/4 all-purpose flour
a little less than 1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
1/3 cup milk
pinch of salt

for the cookie dough:
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
1/4 cup unsalted butter, softened
1/4 cup packed brown sugar
1 tablespoon sugar
1/3 of a beaten egg (save the rest for next morning)
1/4 teaspoon vanilla
pinch of salt
1/2 cup or so semi-sweet chocolate chips or chunks

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. In a mixing bowl, beat together the butter, sugar and vanilla for the cupcakes only. Add egg and beat until fully blended and creamy. Combine the flour, baking soda and salt in a separate bowl. Gradually add flour mixture to butter mixture, alternately adding the milk gradually. Divide equally among six cupcake liners in a muffin tray. Bake about 20-25 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center of a cupcake comes out clean. Let cool completely.

Meanwhile, make the cookie dough: Beat together the butter, sugars and vanilla. Add the egg and beat until creamy. Gradually add the flour and salt, and once fully blended and smooth, add the chocolate chips. Cover and chill in the refrigerator at least 15 minutes. Divide dough into 6 equally-sized balls and press with your palms into discs resembling chocolate chip cookies. Press on top of the cooled cupcakes.

Cost Calculator
(for 6 cupcakes)

1 1/4 cups flour: $0.35
1/2 cup plus 1 tablespoon sugar: $0.25
1/4 cup brown sugar: $0.20
1/2 cup (1 stick) butter: $1.00
1 1/3 egg: $0.33
1/3 cup milk: $0.20
3/4 teaspoon vanilla: $0.20
1/2 cup chocolate chips: $1.25
<1 teaspoon baking powder, pinches of salt: $0.10

Total: $3.88

We're worth $3.88 plus shipping and handling, right?

[Not Eating Out in New York: Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough-Topped Cupcakes]

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