Scanner : food we might be able to f*ck

The Latest Sexist Fad: Coleslaw Wrestling

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 18:07:00 GMT

Every year since 2003, the Cabbage Patch Bar in Daytona Beach, Florida has been hosting an event called Coleslaw Wrestling, which is the same as Jello Wrestling, only way more disgusting.

The event, a mainstay of the well-attended Biketober Fest and Bikeweek celebrations, draws hundreds of dudes in American flag bandanas, sleeveless leather jackets, and faded jean shorts... in other words, Real Americans...

One website claims some of the (always female) wrestlers perform topless, we found almost zero evidence of this. However, we only went through a tiny portion of the thousands of photographs taken of the event in the last five years.

We'll have the 2009 photos sometime after this weekend's Bikefest, which starts today. Until then, remember: Budweiser bathing suits are awesome... coleslaw wrestling? Not so much.

Via Cabbage Patch Bar.

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Emily Farris — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 15:17:00 GMT

[Image]

Bacon Bra, Meet Your Soulmate

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 19:29:00 GMT

Remember this from last year? Some of you must've, since it got linked just about everywhere and caused at least two vegetarians to publicly convert. (Okay, we made up the latter detail.)

The sports blog InGameNow has unveiled... the bacon bikini...

Another perk thanks to working from home: we can order four bacon cheeseburgers and no one is here to stop us. Or steal them.

By the way, the Modern Materialist has a purse for those ladies who love bacon... overcooked bacon, that is:

More photos at InGameNow.

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If You're Doing Anything For the Next Ten Minutes...

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 14:06:00 GMT

...get lost in this extraordinarily adorable, funny, sexy, and entirely delicious stop-motion film starring muffins, limes, squash, and other edibles.

The internet doesn't get any better than this, folks. More of this lady's animated mastery is on exhibit here.

There's A New Testicle Eating Champion...

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 17:12:00 GMT

Here's a contest we'd refrain from competing in or even watching.

In Hunterville, New Zealand, the new world's capitol of enjoyable public indecency, there's a competition in which men pick up a bull's testicles using only their mouths and running for 50 meters with them. The testicles, of course...

Sadly, their own prize for these feats of masculinity are a cold beer to wash down the horrific taste. And, as Metro UK notes, "if the beer was from Hunterville it was probably rubbish." Among the other highlights:

[It's] the annual Shepherd's Shemozzle in the small town of Hunterville, where men are men and men eat bulls' testicles.
As part of the competition, punters had to bite into the balls and carry them in their mouths for 50m.
Once that feat was accomplished they had to scoff some dry weetabix and down a raw egg. In a rare respite they then got to wash the lot down with a can of beer.

[Winner Josh Masters said] "Best of all, they weren't connected to anything." [Metro]

Yes, Josh, we would think it quite strange were you to run with your mouth wrapped a bull's nuts-- a live bull's nuts, that is.

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What's It Like Having Strangers Eat Off Your Naked Body?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 19:10:00 GMT

Melanie Berliet, a former Wall Street stock trader, wrote a piece for this month's Vanity Fair about her one-off role as a naked sushi model.

Strangely, she doesn't worry about rank fish, groping hands, or ending up in some bizarre Requiem For A Dream party scene outtake; rather, her worry has to do with a part of her body most men never notice. (Hint: ladies, men don't care about your shoes.)

From Melanie's own mouth, following her experience on the New York naked sushi circuit:

I glanced at my feet and saw that I needed a pedicure. Badly. People were about to be eating off me and I hadn’t done them the courtesy of getting my toes done.

With a series of frenzied hand motions, she directed me to strip, tape the shells to my nipples, then secure the thong to my sides and butt. There was no time to be bashful, and I quickly grasped that my body was not my own for the next few hours. It was a commodity I’d loaned to Koko. I wondered if this was how strippers feel. Detached. Robotic. At work.

Yep. That's pretty much how strippers feel... except you forgot the occasional bonus feeling: "sticky."

The next moments proved to be intensely erotic, oddly enough, as Koko flittted daintily around the table, decorating me with scarves, bright pink flowers, and the fans that would serve as trays for the sushi, sashimi, and shumai. Never before had I felt like a piece of art.
As the men got drunker, their timidity vanished. Chopsticks flashed above me as they navigated the buffet, taking their dinner from my curves and crevices. Through it all, Koko sped gracefully in and out of the room to replace the small trays of fish.

For an hour and a half I laid there, while the men surrounding me drank and ate and stared, and sometimes poked at my bare body.

90 minutes? To eat sushi? Man, these guys are really lame... at least they gave her $150 in tips so, as she puts it, she can get the extra therapy she will most certainly need...

Read her full story here. Image and story via Vanity Fair.

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My Milkshake Brings All the Lard to My A*s

Emily Farris — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 20:51:00 GMT

Have you ever wondered why you get really excited about food, while other people eat it purely because they have to to survive—just like they have to put gas in their cars or drink water or put on clothes every day? Well, we wonder all the time. You probably know by now how much we love food, and when we say there's "Food We'd Like to Fuck" we really just mean we want to eat it in the most amazing way possible. So, yeah, we like food. But why, or how, do some other people eat it just because they have to?

While we're sad those people don't get to enjoy food the way we do, we certainly envy them, or rather, their waistlines.

But it turns out that the difference between how much we love the milkshakes and how much they love the milkshakes might have more to do with science than how much comfort food our parents gave us as children.

In a study of young girls and women, scientists tested the brain's response to a "highly palatable food" - chocolate milkshakes. They found that the part of the brain that releases the feel-good chemical dopamine in response to eating is less active in the obese.

The effect was most pronounced in women born with a gene that reduces their dopamine output by up to 30 to 40 per cent. Not only did their brains show the most blase or blunted reaction to the milkshake, but also, they were more likely to gain weight over the next year.

Scientists discovered it takes more food for obese people to experience the same 'high' as lean people, much as what happens with alcohol or drug abuse. 'If you want to avoid obesity, don't start walking down that path,' said Eric Stice, lead author of the report.

Published in this week's issue of the journal Science, the study is one of the first to show how individual differences in how the brain processes food reward "might put people at risk for overeating given this environment where there's just lots of really palatable food available," said co-author Dana Small, associate professor at Yale University.

The study underscores just how complex the brain's control or response to food is, says a Canadian obesity expert.

"It's quite an exciting study," said Dr. David Lau, chair of the diabetes and endocrine research group at the University of Calgary and president of Obesity Canada. "What they found was that overweight people have less excitatory response. They have to eat more in order to arrive at the same kind of satisfactory signals."

Researchers say it may be possible to turn on the dopamine response using drugs or behavioural therapies.

This could also explain why we can't have just a little sex, or a little whiskey:

His team focused on a particular part of the brain called the dorsal stratum, which is involved in food reward. "It's a circuit involved in everything that makes us feel good," Stice explains - having sex, eating a good meal, drinking alcohol or using drugs. "It's really the same neuro pathway...
"We think what's really going on is, if you consume a diet rich in fat and sugar, you get down regulation of the reward circuitry," Stice said. "By flooding the brain with dopamine your brain adjusts to having fewer receptors." That means it takes more food to experience the same "high" as lean people, much what happens with alcohol or drug abuse.

It is true that when we go without any of these things for an extended period of time (sex, alcohol, sugar, bacon), we start to think we can live without it.

[Canada.com: Obese people respond differently to food, study shows]

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Image via Yahoo: Not My Ass

Today in Food We'd Like to F*ck: The Hamburger Fatty Melt

Emily Farris — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 14:59:00 GMT

Ladies and gentlemen, meet the Hamburger Fatty Melt. Created by the folks over at A Hamburger Today, this burger between two grilled cheese sandwiches is the equivalent of a cute, super talented skinny hipster guy we'd really like to fuck... you know, just because "there's something about him."

Well, those hamburger-loving people just took it there and put a fucking beard and a pot belly on this guy... now we're seriously creaming our pants over the Bacon Hamburger Fatty Melt.

Not only is there bacon on the hamburger, the grilled cheese sandwiches that serve as buns are stuffed with bacon as well. We're sure this is an entire week's worth of Weight Watchers points yet we're tempted to try it. We're a little sad the tomato got lost in the shuffle, but this burger might just take the Food We'd Like to Fuck Cake.

[A Hamburger Today: The Bacon Hamburger Fatty Melt]

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Cooking With Your Balls

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 20:23:00 GMT

If you didn't scream bloody (bollocks) murder reading the title and seeing that pic, you'll probably enjoy this one...

Those crazy Serbs... they eat monkey brains and lick cigarettes for the protein... or something. Seriously though, it turns out they eat balls-- as in, they cook and chew them... yikes.

The book, the first all-testicle cookbook, is thankfully only available electronically, which means you won't be seeing this in the window of Barnes and Noble or its author pleasuring himself on Oprah. It's available here and features the following highlights:

"Wash testicles thoroughly for 30-45 minutes," begins the recipe for testicles pie.

"Once softened, mince them in a mincer."

I will not! Oh, wait... author and so-called "chef" Ljubomir Erovic is talking about the nutsacks of pigs, ostriches, bulls (surprise) and, of course, stallions. Erovic is pretty proud of himself-- proclaiming his inventions of Testical Pizza and Barbecued Testicles were revolutionary moments in food. Thanks, Ljub, but we'll stick with hot dogs and foie gras when we're up for eating a disgusting part of an animal.

The e-book, available for download from the internet, comes with handy video guides showing the Serb peeling the skin off testicles and slicing them up into bite-size chunks. [News.com.au]

There's video of this?! Oh no, we cannot let that stand. Don't buy this book! (Available here.)

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Giada De Laurentiis: "I'm Not Doing Porn"

Emily Farris — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 16:06:00 GMT

What exactly does the Food Network's Giada De Laurentiis bring to the table? Whatever it is, it's not sex, according to the foodie.

While she can't describe exactly what it is (except that it's not sex, remember), it's something that other TV chefs just can't do.

“Porn? I’m not doing porn! What the hell are people talking about? [It’s not] PBS-style cooking. I mean, I love Lidia [Bastianich], but [she’s] kind of boring. And Mario Batali [I] love to death…but he’s not romantic or sensual. Those are the things I bring to the table.”

Batali is more our type than De Laurentiis, but after watching this clip, we're definitely not thinking about pizza:

[PageSix via Grub Street]

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Skinny Dip Sandwich Free To All Plungers

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 18:42:00 GMT

Three hungry people are in trouble with John Q. Law after taking a nude dive for a free "Skinny Dip Sandwich" outside the Greenville, Maine's Black Frog Restaurant...

Our first thoughts: They should probably call it the Jerk Chicken or the Pulled Pork Sandwich and include a Matzoh Ball soup...

Last weekend, three amigos in their 20s and 30s, two males and a female, in fact, entered the Black Frog and asked proprietor Leigh Turner if they could have the free Skinny Dip Sandwich. Turner told them, "Sure, just let me check with the 40 or 50 diners..."

Remarkably, they all said yes...

Of course, that never stopped party poopers like the Greenville Police, led by crusading Chief Scott MacMaster[bater!], who is making sure the trio get a court date next month. He said a lone family that just happened to be standing right right there

was offended and contacted police.

Whiners. They remind us of the one woman in Michigan or someplace who represented most of the complaints that led to all of Howard Stern's million-dollar fines. Hey Puritans-- suck on this NSFW!

...NSFW penises ahead!

Via WMTV.

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If Your Date Orders Caviar, Almond-Covered Truffles, And Ginger Beer... Now You Know Why

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 19:58:00 GMT

Aphrodisiacs have always been the Viagra of the romantics, which is probably why so many people waste their time trying them out when none of them actually work. (Of course, although neither one is truly 100% effective, at least one of them can be very tasty.)

Nonetheless, when the iVillage blog Sex On My Desk wrote about them a while back, we decided we'd see if we could find other aphrodisiacs that worked... while, um, not actually getting around to trying any of them ourselves...

Here's what Sex on My Desk talked about:

1) Caviar. Ennh-- no.

2) Truffles. Why, yes, Room Service... you wouldn't happen to have any... truffles... would you? Oh no, there's no one in the room with me...

3) Oysters. Any excuse to eat oysters, particularly if it's Tuesday's All-You-Can-Eat Oyster night on the Lower East Side of Manhattan...

4) Espresso. This one has to be psychological-- you do a jolt of this stuff, you'll have some get up and go! It just makes sense that you'd be able to convince yourself you're in the mood.

5) Garlic. Um, we don't think any significant other has particularly enjoyed sex with us after we've eaten an everything bagel.

6) Chocolate. Actually, this one has been hotly debated for years. Emphasis on hotly, since we've had close friends admit it worked.

7) Bananas. Well, depending on whether you're in the mood for a blow job, this one only works when you watch someone eat it...

They forgot strawberries (well, chocolate covered ones work) andgrapes-- which Jack the Ripper may have used to either a) lure pros into his carriage or b) to turn them on... or both. Also, when we were in San Juan, Puerto Rico back in the day, we ate at Ostra Cosa on our birthday because it was supposed to give its patrons incredible sex... via its dishes. Unfortunately, their logic is that the spicier their food, the more sex you have... when, in fact, their scale of 'Oh!'' to ''Wow!!'' to ''Ay Ay Ay!!!'' was actually a reference to your exclamations on your first, second, and third trips to the bathroom.

What else? Can anyone seriously claim aphrodisiacs, especially specific ones, have worked for them?

Via Sex on My Desk.

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Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 16:43:00 GMT

We're too busy fantasizing about sex with food to pull ourselves away from these five hot sex scenes in order to have lunch...

5. Tom Jones - a scene that actually makes gluttony hot

4. Last Tango in Paris - butta, baby, you're butta... barely not a rape scene, but no list about sex and food, especially if it involves the movies, is complete without this, one of the most notorious moments in film.

Backdoor Behavior With Butter!

3. Hot Shots! - in some ways, this is superior to our #1 choice, which is parodied here

2. Flashdance - hot: Jennifer Beals sitting absolutely still and doing absolutely nothing; mind-blowingly hot: Jennifer Beals sucking on a lobster tail while playing footsie with her date

1. 9 1/2 Weeks

See you next week for another Top 5... suggestions are always welcome...

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Food We Want To Lick: Candidate Lollipops

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 16:48:00 GMT

Made by hand... sugar and syrup... a little artificial flavor is added...

Assembled into a large blob... dabbed with a bit of color... layered with very thin slices and sealed up...

This could be a very apt description for the candidates running for President in the United States of America, circa 2008. Fortunately for you and your taste buds, this is merely a description of the process by which voting and candidate lollipops are made by Kai's Candies...

Drool over them, we're not judgmental... including the goofy-looking Obama one...

Later in August they’ll have a set for John McCain that features a lollipop with his face plus red elephant candies.

We're not sure licking John McCain is an appealing idea, although if the candy is as delicious as the above lollipop looks, we might be able to close our eyes and enjoy. But what does it actually taste like, you must be wondering...

Kai’s Candy has a nice post on their blog that shows photos of the process.

In the case of Kai’s Candies, the background is a translucent candy instead of an opaque color, which adds to the appeal of these, like they’re enamel.
The flavor is light. The website says that Obama is lemon-lime, but at times it tastes like a sweet banana or simply boiled sugar. There’s absolutely no hint of tartness to it, or even any zest. I found that the individual pieces were similarly bland. (I found McCain bitter, but that’s probably the red food coloring.)

How ironic-- McCain is a red.

Via Candy Blog.

Food We'd Like to F*ck: Meat and Mashed Potato Cupcakes

Emily Farris — Fri, 30 May 2008 17:02:00 GMT

Anyone who has paid any attention to Scanner for the past few months knows that I, Scanner Emily, am a fan of meat. Between two buns, on a stick, or from a cart on the street, I love meat. So it should come as no surprise that these savory cupcakes are super appealing to me.

You think I'm kidding with the whole food-we'd-like-to-fucking thing? Think again. Because if I had a penis, I'd probably stick it in these and then find a way to lick it off, because seriously? Triple meat cupcakes? Ground veal, ground chuck and ground pork. And what makes the red icing? Why it's beet juice.

While I would have replaced the green pepper sprinkles with chives or green onions, these cupcakes are pure genius.

So not only do I want to fuck this food, I want to be BFF with the girl who created it.

[FineFuriousLife via Jezebel]

Today in Food Porn: Better Than Sex Dessert Shop

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 20 May 2008 20:30:00 GMT

For our interview today with Dani Johnson, owner of Key West's Better Than Sex dessert shop, which opens tonight, we got into the missionary position and sniffed out some amazingly mouth-watering deserts:

Q. Pump-In Pie - Missionary Crisp - Pop My Cherry Cheesecake - Tenderness Tort - Jungle Fever - Naked Nut - Cheese Voyuer (a reference to "The Joy of Sex"), and the Better Than Sex Cake... which came first, the name of the restaurant or the titles of the dishes?

A. The name came before the titles. I have a passion for baking, which was passed down from my mother. My husband [co-owner Len Johnson, local radio host] and I have been married for six years, together for 12, and he often would request that I make something sweet. At a Valentine's Party two, three years ago, I had a lot of friends come up to me after eating the desserts, saying, 'You should do this for a business.'

Q. When did the theme, the sex theme of the dishes, come along?

A. I don't know. But you know, the name: a lot of our friends and non-friends were concerned with our name choice... you know what? It's built-in marketing, built-in advertising. But people are shy-- it makes them giggle, they're not all going to be comfortable with it, so it's a challenge. The idea is, when you call your place 'Better Than Sex,' people will keep coming back until they find a dessert that lives up to our title.

Q. Besides the desserts, is anything else sex-themed?

The restaurant is completely decorated in an eclectic/romantic theme. We're not going for the trashier side of sex, we're going for the sexier, more romantic side. It's all mismatched glassware and plates, for one thing. My husband is a radio DJ and personality-- Sexista, that's his title; I'm the Master Baker. We'll also have a small retail market and we'll have our name embroidered on t-shirts...

Q. Are you going to have theme nights or something?

Oh yes. One theme night is gonna be: if you come in a robe and slippers on Hugh Hefner Night, you get 20% off.

Q. When do you open tonight?

Six o'clock. "Sex at Six" is what we're calling it.

Scanner Highs and Lows: Finders Keepers, Finders Weepers

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 09 May 2008 21:51:00 GMT

Oh, the things you'll learn!

HIGHS:

We found porn on Wikipedia.

We found a picture of a very sexy carrot.

We found out about... sommmmeeboddyy'sss birthdaaay!

We discovered a secret pantie run at ASU. Okay, it couldn't have been that secret if hundreds of Arizonians were ready with their cameras when it went down.

We uncovered the ancient art of the VHS tape.

We revealed the identity of Minnie Driver's baby daddy. And no, she's not "fucking Matt Damon."

We learned that homosexuality is a whopping 140 years old!

We began a new contest after finding one of the great dive bars.

LOWS:

We uncovered a Google Map pertaining to the sexual conquests of an individual unfortuantely named "Igor."

We found out that Grey's Anatomy is resorting to raunchy lesbian sex to keep its ratings up. Shame on them?

We discovered the Ugly Models Agency is not really all that bad. It makes us feel ugly, in fact.

Our eyes burned after learning about anal from Spencer Pratt.

We mourned the wonderful news of Scarlett Johansson's enagement.

IN-BETWEENS:

We learned the identity of the owner of a famous third nipple. Actually, everyone cheated by reading the name of the celebrity off the title of the photo. Whoops!

And we learned about America's most sexually satisfying cities. None of them are near us, damn it.

China's Amazing Penis Restaurant

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 19:00:00 GMT

How did we miss this when writing about the Cabbages & Condoms restaurant on Wednesday?

Our expose on the Top 10 Weirdest Restaurants inexplicably and unknowingly left one classic Asian haute cuisine establishment out of the running: Guo-li-zhuang, courtesy of our kooky friends in China. Maybe the list's authors were unable to stomach-- no pun intended-- a restaurant where diners snack on chewy weiners of the non-hot dog variety.

The Times of London has a great and entirely uncomfortable story about some poor bastards who deigned to eat at this vile place. Among the highlights so you don't have to click that link:

The chef "enters holding aloft an eye-wateringly large yak’s knob. It’s about 45cm long, but thin, so thin. It’s been boiled gently and - I can’t believe I’m writing this - peeled, except for a hunk of foreskin still clinging on to the end. He cuts the thing in half lengthways with a pair of scissors."
The meal, which can run you up to 250 British pounds for a fancy dingaling, "costs an average of two months’ wages for a dumpling-factory worker." Not that even the craziest working-class Chinese person would be caught dead in this place. It's reserved mainly for dignitaries and dumb newspaper reporters with money to burn.
"We try the water-buffalo penis first, in thin shavings. It started long and thin..." Uhhh....
They try the "deer-penis juice, which I’m delighted to say is the vilest concoction I’ve ever had the privilege to imbibe."

They eat bull, goat, and-- you stereotyping bastards saw it coming-- dog penis. They somehow lived to tell the tale under their real names. And both the diner and his companion speculate on whether this could work for, um, female genitals.

“Don’t be insane,” she says. Then she remembers that she’s heard of a dish of donkey vulva, but she’s not sure where. She thinks it’s a disgusting idea.

Barf more here.

Photo: View Images / Jam'd

Today in Food Porn: The Bacon Bra

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 16:45:00 GMT

Although food is often pornographic, porn is rarely edible.

Photos of the infamous bacon bra are circulating on the net, but they originated on Brian Kusler's Flickr page. The below photo comes with the below introduction from one lucky birthday dude:

"I don't really know how the idea came up... at some point after too many tequilas and my friend talking about how to get more men interested in her, someone said, "wait, men love bacon and boobs, why not combine the two? that's a million dollar idea right there!"

This is so hot it could make Lindsay Lohan look desirable.

The most mouth-watering part of all this hubbub is the following comment, posted on the same Flickr page:

we totally deep fried the bacon and ate it later :)

What's that sound that Homer makes when his mouth is having a food-related orgasm? "Ahwhwahhhauhhhh."

Photo of Bacon & Boobs: Brian Kusler

Coco De Mer: Fruit of "the Ol' In and Out"

Nicole Pasulka — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 18:50:00 GMT

Hey! Did you know that the Coco De Mer is the "only true case of island gigantism among Seychelles flowering plants, aunique feature of Seychelles vegetation"? Also it's mature fruit (left) and male inflorescence (right) look a lot like the body parts your parents used when they made you. Here are Scanner, no one can say we don't pimp botany porn right alongside your more conventional porns.

Though, looking at plants and thinking about sex parts is a lot less creepy than this vibrator:

Sandwich Porn: Esquire's List of the Best Sandwiches in America

Bryan Christian — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 17:00:00 GMT

Hot damn, Esquire's new list of the country's best sammiches is a pretty darned mouthwatering read. Also: kind of filthy.

A pipe’s length of kielbasa is wrapped in a bun and mounded with french fries, then dressed with coleslaw and barbecue sauce.

Yowza. While we try and get our minds off of mounding kielbasa pipes, we do have a couple of bones to pick.

-- Nothing with oysters?

-- No cheesesteaks worthy of their own mention?

-- The McRib? Seriously?

But whatever guys, it's still a great list that we intend to consult every time we travel -- and you get like a zillion points for including the Chick-fil-a, which we until recently thought was impossible to get in New York City and had a history of smuggling into town like bricks of hash.

[img via -zeeny-'s photostream on Flickr]

If You're Not in the Mood This V-Day...

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 17:30:00 GMT

There's a pretty extensive story on aprhodisiacs in today's Independent. And after seeing "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly" last night, a movie which includes one of the sexiest dinner sequences in history and will forever exchange your appreciation for oysters, this story seems quite fitting...

Here are some tips from the article, which you probably already know because you're sooo much more sexually experienced than us [snort]...

1. Artichokes really work for women... when men eat them.

2. Pumpkin seeds were the fad of '06, but there haven't been too many success stories since. Or, um, ever.

3. The higher the cocoa content of the chocolate (70%, say), the better chance you'll fall in love. Or at least have some hot foreplay.

4. Contrary to what you'd think about getting the blood flowing in a dude, "doughnuts, pizza, popcorn and strawberries" work best, according to a recent study. Guys get off on "smells that evoke the security and pleasure of childhood." Ewwwwww....

5. Apparently, any food is really hot when presented in the right sexual context. Although I find it, uh, hard to believe that anyone could be turned on by a Canned Cheeseburger.

For more tips from the Independent story, read on here.

On "Diving Bell" and oysters. And a Telegraph story on the fascinating sex lives of said oysters.

Weenie Royale! WEENIE ROYALE!

Bryan Christian — Thu, 27 Dec 2007 17:51:00 GMT

OK, you get three guesses as to what Weenie Royale actually is.

It's a piercing we got for Christmas
It's what they call Burger King's in France
It's a dish made in the American Japanese internment camps during WWII

Yes, sadly, it's the kind of depressing option that is, in fact, true. (Isn't it always?) But whatever -- we never thought hot dogs, eggs, and rice would look tasty together and they totally do! Screw leftovers, people: we're stuffing our face with Weenie Royale as soon as we get a chance.

[Image via Waterbury American Graffiti]