Scanner : fights

Racist Small Town Hoodlums Getting Away with Murder

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 15 May 2009 17:10:00 GMT

Brandon Piekarsky entering court before his acquittal on third-degree murder charges. Piekarsky's level of involvement in the killing is unclear, as he wasn't believed to have helped in the beating.

On July 12th, in Shenandoah, Pennsylvania, a group of white teenagers were walking home when they came across a young Hispanic man in the park with a teenage girl. One of them yelled out, "Isn't it a little late for you to be out? Get your Mexican boyfriend out of here."

The Mexican man, whose name was Luis Ramirez, became enraged and screamed back at them and began calling for backup. Eighteen-year-old Brian Scully then traded punches with Ramirez, with no one ever agreeing on how the fight actually got started. Derrick Donchak, then 19, jumped on top of the badly-beaten Ramirez and, with a piece of metal between his knuckles, began pummeling Ramirez's face. Miraculously, Ramirez was able to recover and the boys ran off, hurling more racial slurs back as they ran. This enraged Ramirez, who chased after them until a quick blow to the head from Colin Walsh, a 17-year-old component of the all-white group, wiped him out. While Ramirez was down, Scully (it is said by witnesses) kicked Ramirez in the head, causing him to foam at the mouth and convulse. He died as a result of that brutal blow.

At the boys' trial, no one seemed to dispute these facts (except which boy did what.) Nonetheless, the jury acquitted the accused of third degree murder and various other charges while convicting them of simple assault. The defendants and their families emerged from the courtroom triumphant, while legal observers say this was on obvious miscarriage of justice:

"There's been a complete failure of justice," said Gladys Limon, staff attorney for the Mexican American Legal Defense and Education Fund, who attended the trial and informed Ramirez's family of the verdict. "It's just outrageous and very difficult to understand how any juror could have had reasonable doubt."

She said the evidence "clearly established that Luis Ramirez was brutally beaten."

Prosecutors cast Ramirez as the victim of a gang of drunken white teens motivated by a dislike of their small coal town's burgeoning Hispanic population. But the jury evidently sided with defense attorneys, who called Ramirez the aggressor and characterized the brawl as a street fight that ended tragically. [New York Daily News]
As Avery Friedman argues persuasively in the video from CNN yesterday, this was a pretty clear-cut case of jury nullification: the weight of evidence against the accused was so powerful that it's clear the all-white jury -- like similar juries in the South during the Civil Rights struggle -- was not going to convict two young white men of murdering a Mexican. Even if, as Friedman says, "the only reason he is dead is because he was Mexican." [Crooks and Liars]

Now, some activists are putting pressure on the state's Democratic Governor, Ed Rendell, to speak out about the hate crime. They believe the worst is still to come from a town that is almost 100% Caucasian and only 1% Hispanic...

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Showgirls 2: Shoegirls

Colleen Kane — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 15:15:00 GMT

Apparently in Akron, Ohio there is a classy gentleman's club called Club 1245 that does not discriminate based on age. They recently hired a stripper in her fabulous fifties, and when she showed up for her first day of work, things went horribly wrong.

The new hire was feeling the effects of the recession and took on this new job. But when she entered the basement dressing room for her first shift, police say she was attacked by another stripper. The attacker, a black woman in her late 40s, allegedly struck the victim in the face with a stiletto heel repeatedly.

Lt. Rick Edwards said the other strippers saw the new one as competition, and said they didn't need any more strippers around here.

The victim was taken to the hospital, where she recieved seven staples for the cuts on her face. The victim opted not to make a police report and left the ER before police arrived, but the hospital staff filled in the authorities as required by law in the case of an assault.

What else is there to say here? O-hioooooooooo!

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Today in WTF?: Man Pours Chili on His Pregnant Girlfriend

Emily Farris — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 21:11:00 GMT

Domestic disturbances are getting really, um, disturbing lately. First there was the woman who handcuffed herself to her husband and then bit the shit out of him because she wanted to talk and now we hear the story of a man who poured chili on his pregnant girlfriend because he didn't want to go to the other room to watch TV.

The 26-year-old victim told investigators her boyfriend, with whom she has two children and is nine weeks pregnant, came home Thursday evening and wanted to watch TV in their bedroom.

Boyfriend Edd M. Johnson, 21, is accused of kicking the TV and breaking it after she asked that he watch TV in the other room of the residence in the 2900 block of Southeast Delmar Street. The victim went to slice the power cord of the other TV with scissors when police said Johnson grabbed her neck and pulled her away.

The victim called her sister, who called the sheriff’s office. She grabbed her kids and got in her vehicle when Johnson came out with a can of chili.

“Edd also grabbed at (the victim’s) bra which tore off of her,” the report states. “Edd then poured the chili into the vehicle over the drivers seat of the vehicle and on (the vicitm)”

Deputies noted a “brown liquid substance” over the driver’s seat and on the left side of the victim’s face and ear. The 10-month-old child also had some in her hair.

Ew.

One would think that in these tough economic times we should be hoarding non-perishable chili, not using it as a weapon.

[TCPalm: Stuart man accused of pouring chili on girlfriend during argument]

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Britain's Sexual Hazing Rituals Apparently News to Some People...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 15:17:00 GMT

The most shocking part of this story is that parents and administrators still find it "shocking" that hazings are happening all over campus...

According to the Sun, ahead of the curve on hot button issues like Craiglist sex and vicars with potatoes up their bungholes, breaks this incredible news story over the weekend:

Education chiefs were “horrified” as girls were snapped on their hands and knees using their mouths to roll condoms on bananas hanging from boys’ trousers.
The girls belong to the Newnham Nuns — a drinking society at the all-female Newnham College.

Stop right there. There are drinking societies... at college? Why... why did we not attend Newnham College?!

[S]naps, taken last year, show an undergraduate proudly holding jugs filled with his own VOMIT while two toffs are seen frolicking with midgets dressed as Oompa-Loompas from the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory film. [Emphasis added by the Sun.]
Other traditional booze society ceremonies include drinking a pint of water containing a live goldfish, downing gin and port filtered through a condom and staging a mass brawl.
Hospital consultant Adrian Boyle said: “In the last ten years the number of female students coming in extremely drunk and incapable has shot up. More are being assaulted too.”

Thank you, "hospital consultant" Boyle, for playing the part of Captain Obvious today. Then again, if parents are "shocked" that gals such as the one pictured above are involved in "drinking" and "playful hazing," maybe we needed to hear from you after all...

Via the Sun.

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While You Were Sleeping: The MySpace Suicide Trial Verdict

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 14:08:00 GMT

This guy wants to be on America's Got Talent... for playing music with his telephones.

Is Emily the Strange a ripoff of Nate the Great or is this, whether it's coincidence or deliberate theft, no big deal?

Robert Downey, Jr. had a very close call on the set of Sherlock Holmes...

While filming of a fight scene, Downey was knocked unconscious by a 7-foot, 330lbs co-star... Downey was “out cold” for six seconds and “drooling blood” before medics could bring him round.

Meanwhile, Downey refused to go to the hospital.

Is this the greatest company ever?

Did you have brunch over the weekend? If so, you were part of the 75th birthday celebration for the Bloody Mary.

Click here to listen to a song from Nirvana's first-ever show in 1987 and the last song of their last show almost exactly seven years later.

The super hot First Lady of France is now a super hot UN ambassador.

And that evil woman was found guilty of three minor charges in the MySpace "suicide trial."

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Mom Films Her Boyfriend Having Sex with Her 13-Year-Old Daughter

The English Are Still Too Prudish To Appreciate Nudity

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Sloppy Seconds: Giving Vibrators To Teenage Girls

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 22:31:00 GMT

Michael Lohan can't beat up any celebrities until his parole ends.

Mac users, rejoice: a compendium of shortcuts to the rescue.

You may be jealous over who Emily Blunt has shacked up with... we'll remain positive by saying he's at least cooler than Michael Buble...

A source tells the magazine, "They ordered room service, took long walks and spent every second together. John really cares for Emily - he totally fawns over her. And she's loving the attention. She's a down-to-earth girl, but it's nice to be treated so well."

It's John Krasinski, who is one of the few guys we wouldn't hate for getting to have breakfast in bed with Emily Blunt...

Carrie Fisher's mother Debbie Reynolds gave her and Carrie's grandmother vibrators for Christmas... when Carrie was 15... and other highlights from Fisher's latest memoir.

Eva Longoria's diet plan? Get rid of meat and stick with the fish.

We can do better than some of these Famous People's Personalized Credit Cards, can't we? Although we dig the Michael Vick one.

A hockey fight so brutal, we blew off some steam just watching it.

Lou Reed's Classic Example Of How To Give An Interview

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While You Were Sleeping: The Sexy Mrs. Freddy Kreuger

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 14:16:00 GMT

We can picture it: a Cleopatra movie starring Catherine Zeta-Jones as the title character and Hugh Jackman as Marc Antony. But a musical? And directed by Steven Soderbergh?

Former White House Press Secretary Scott McClelan endorsed Obama on D.L. Hughley's new show. John McCain really needs a high profile endorsement soon-- really, he needs just about anything and everything soon to turn this thing around. Some observers think McCain could be down to funds of only one million dollars a day... you don't even want to know how that compares to Obama's staggering total.

Although we suspect it to be an exaggeration, this is nonetheless the most shocking HIV scare story we can recall...

Students at a suburban St. Louis high school headed to the gymnasium for HIV testing this week after an infected person told health officials as many as 50 teenagers might have been exposed to the virus that causes AIDS.
Officials refused to give details on who the person was or how the students at Normandy High School might have been exposed...
A teacher in a neighboring district singled out a girl who dates someone at Normandy High and instructed her to get tested, Hochstedler said. A competing school's football team initially balked at playing Normandy's 8-0 team.
Jasmine Lane, a 16-year-old sophomore, said her boyfriend from a neighboring high school broke up with her on learning of the news -- after she bought them tickets to homecoming.
"I cried so hard," she said.

There's nothing positive about this story whatsoever. It has the potential to be an explosive, ongoing saga... we'll keep you posted. (Jasmine, we'll totally fly to St. Louis to go to the homecoming with you.)

Yet another downer: a woman was sentenced to forty years in prison. Her crime? Lighting her boyfriend on fire. His? Not beating up the guy who was checking her out.

Anne Hathaway's ex was sentenced yesterday...

A dashing Italian conman who went out with Hollywood actress Anne Hathaway was sentenced by a court in New York on Thursday to four and a half years in prison for fraud. [Yahoo!]

Note to crackheads: it's easy to get busted for faking crack prescriptions... since there's no such thing as a crack prescription.

And this Halloween costume is pretty stupid. Although, we have to admit, Freddy Kreuger has great taste in women.

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While You Were Sleeping: Mischa Barton Can't Keep Her Clothes On

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 13:08:00 GMT

Once you read this family's story, you won't have much to complain about anymore.

Joe Biden's mother-in-law died. The Senator has canceled most of his upcoming events. Meanwhile, seven members of the Palin administration (gack! no, we mean her administration in Alaska, don't worry) agreed to testify in the Troopergate investigation. They'll probably say they didn't know anything about the unethical firing; after all, everyone who actually knows something is refusing to cooperate.

Tonight, VH1 broadcasts the Hip Hop Honors, with awards going to Cypress Hill, Isaac Hayes, Naughty By Nature, and De La Soul, among other legends.

Kimbo Slice got knocked down... and out... in a few seconds.

Mischa Barton hasn't learned anything from her most recent nipple slip.

This 25-year-old teacher learned the hard way that you shouldn't send people naked photos over the internet for any reason. Well, you should, but you shouldn't be surprised if people don't keep them private.

And it sounds like Indiana Jones 5 may be on. Not that it's going to be any good, but hey... somebody's still watching this nonsense...

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Debate Coaches Show Kids How To Do It By Completely Losing Their Sh*t

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 15:34:00 GMT

In a March, a debate tournament in Wichita, Kansas was overrun by immature, obscene, loud, petty, and obnoxious people-- the coaches.

William Shanahan of Fort Hays University and Shanara Reid-Brinkley from University of Pittsburgh got into an extremely heated screaming fight over-- surprise, surprise-- race. But what's most ironic about all this is that Reid-Brinkley seemed to have set Shanahan off on his long and insane rampage by criticizing, of all things, the Fort Hays coach's body language.

This video had been online recently but had disappeared. We just found it in another YouTube posting, uncut and still ugly...

The Associated Press tried to get in touch with these fools for comment, but what's left to be said besides "why didn't someone tell these assholes to get the hell out?" We can't think of a better way to have resolved this than to get two people to carry them out, one taking the arms, the other the legs, and give the students the peace and quiet they needed to finish their competition in civilized peace.

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Cosmo and AskMen in Steel Cage Match Battle of the Sexes

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 19:20:00 GMT

We'd to see a good brawl between the silly people behind Cosmopolitan and AskMen.com.

Until that $39.95 pay-per-view event, we'll settle for this war of online words, over AskMen's "Top 10 Things Only Men Can Do" (which even we're not brash enough to subject anyone to) and Cosmo's response, "21 Things Women Can Do That Guys Can't." Oooooooh! No, you didn't...

Worst Of AskMen's List: #10: Go topless. (Really, women can't? Where do you live, dude?); #9: Hold our liquor (We were at a Wilco concert last night and apparently Tim Robbins was passing out behind us.) #1: Age well. (Seen Sophia Loren lately, anyone? Or Helen Mirren, you bastards?)

Best of AskMen's List: #3: Pee standing up. (We'd like to add: pee in public, even between cars, when necessary... and sometimes even get away with it.)

Worst of Cosmo's List: #1: Get preggers. (99% of all men are glad it works out that way. Not that we don't admire you for the ability, just we we're glad the Pregnant Man thing isn't going to happen to us.) #3: Ask for directions. (Oh, when are we going to forget that false, tiresome cliche?)

Best of Cosmo's List: #2: Fake it. (Sadly, we can't have what she's having.) #6: Have multiple orgasms. (Yeah, but Viagra solves that discrepancy.) #12: Wing it on the dance floor... convincingly. (Agreed.)

Read the AskMen original and the Cosmo retaliation here.

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EXCLUSIVE: Toby Keith Worships Satan, Ted Nugent, And Lynch Mobs

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 15:57:00 GMT

Toby Keith, America's highest-rated terrorist, is sending the liberal blogs into a tither after his appearance on the Colbert Report last night.

And it isn't even for anything he said-- actually, it's for a song he's been singing for years and which was a smash hit single after 9/11, containing lyrics that most thinking people would find insane and dangerous had they not been avoiding country music radio since 1976...

Why Stephen Colbert, who out of character is a practicing liberal and would never be caught dead allowing a person like Toby Keith to get away with ruining what little is left of this country's well-being, should allow this guy to sing this song, "Beer For My Horses" (God, what a cheesy ass song, not even including its cultural ignorance) and not goof on him mercilessly is beyond us:

Grandpappy told my pappy back in my day, son
A man had to answer for the wicked that he'd done
Take all the rope in Texas
Find a tall oak tree, round up all of them bad boys
Hang them high in the street
For all the people to see

Yo, that's about lynching, okay? Not cool, Colbert! Why didn't you attack him on that? As Max Blumenthal pointed out at the HuffPo:

During the days when Toby Keith's "Grandpappy" stalked the Jim Crow South, lynching was an institutional method of terror employed against blacks to maintain white supremacy. According to the Tuskegee Institute, between the years 1882 and 1951, 3,437 African-Americans were lynched in the United States, mostly in the heart of Dixie. Felonious assault and rape (read: corrupting "the flower of white womanhood") were the two most frequent justifications for lynch mob actions.
Georgia was ground zero for lynch mob activity. Though most of the Peach State's victims were black, one of its most high-profile hangings claimed the life of a Jew, Leo Frank. Frank, a college-educated Northerner, was wrongly convicted in 1913 of murdering a 13-year-old girl after a show trial in which his prosecutor portrayed him to a grand jury as a bisexual pervert. Before the trial, one juror remarked, "If I get on that jury, I'll hang that Jew for sure."

You can imagine what happened to Frank and others like him, in Keith's glorious, Hitler-esque vision of the South. By the way, if Toby Keith loves lynching, then we can also correctly assume he worships Satan, who is a big fan of eye-for-an-eye anarchic lawlessness, and Ted Nugent, who is a racist pigporker and will kill us all with his 2,227 guns.

PS. Besides being a world-class shitbag, Toby Keith is also a talentless wanker we'd easily take in a fight, with a Guantanamo hood over our heads... bring it on, indeed.

Via the Huffington Post.

Sloppy Seconds: Half-Naked Woman At A Blue Jays Game

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 21:01:00 GMT

...which begs the obvious question... what were these knuckleheads doing actually watching the game?

Minnie Driver publicly thanked the biggest bunch of airheaded surfer dudes for their heroic efforts after video aired of the beach bums pounding some paparazzi into submission. The very pregnant Driver was trying to enjoy a day on the beach when privacy-invading photographers swept in with their long lenses. Check out the story and video, complete with full "don't photo me, bro" goodness.

There's a new movie playing in London about a boat orgy that ends when one guy hits a girl in the back of the head during sex and kills her. The title? "Donkey Punch," of course.

Is Grey's Anatomy going to kill off Katherine Heigel's character?

[S]taffers are considering giving her character, Dr. Izzie Stevens, a brain tumor.
“[Producer] Shonda [Rhimes] and the writers are pissed at her [for dissing them after she refused to be considered for an Emmy, saying the past season's material was terrible],” the source tells Us. “It’s their way of screwing with her. She won’t know whether she’s going to live or die.”

Wired is really hyping their cover story on Julia Allison-- we've seen three ads online for it just in the last day. Apparently the editors were unaware the rest of the media covered this story back in the 2006 era.

A man claims he found a seven-inch knife in his sandwich in a New York City Subway restaurant. We're not sure why he's complaining-- we've found far worse things in ours...

Saturday's Blue Jays game was apparently not Bobblehead Doll Day, as advertised, but rather Topless Blond In A Hotel Overlooking The Field Day. The Ottawa Sun, which broke the story, has a full rundown of other similar incidences at the Renaissance Inn:

May 1990
During a Blue Jays game, hotel security and police throw out a man who was seen masturbating behind a hotel room window that overlooked the baseball diamond. Police said the man thought he was behind a one-way window.
May 1990
A couple has sex in one of the 70 hotel rooms overlooking a ball game attended by 55,000 fans. The couple -- who apparently weren't aware they could be seen with the lights off -- were "mortified." The incident received media attention around the world, including five minutes on The Arsenio Hall Show.
The Jays lost.
May 1995
In front of 40,000 fans, a couple has sex in a chair right next to the window overlooking the field during the 7th inning of a Jays-Royals match. The couple were seen right above the then-Jumbotron (now the Rogers Centre videoboard).
The Jays lost.

And more at the Ottawa Sun website.

Italian Models Duke It Out In Picturesque Beach Brawl

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 18:41:00 GMT

Hottie Fight

Can someone translate for us?

The video is a drawn-out slap fest, but we just know that a bunch of Italian models screaming at and beating the Christ outta each other (while the men laugh and continue to treat them like garbage) has got to have some great dialogue.

Great Reviews of Bad Movies: Never Back Down (aka Fight Club 2)

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 17:00:00 GMT

Would someone please explain to us why a movie like "Never Back Down" was even made?

The movie, which opens today to scathing reviews, comes with the following page-turner of a synopsis:

Set against the action-packed world of Mixed Martial Arts, Never Back Down is the story of Jake Tyler, a tough kid who leads with his fists, and, often, with his heart.

Awww... sounds like the best tearjerker since "Rudy," or possibly "Requiem For A Dream." Wrong! The critics are laughing, laughing all the way...

Imagine if Fight Club impregnated Step Up. Their bastard child would be Never Back Down.

Never Back Down is a tired, asinine attempt to piggyback on a fight club subculture...
You have had soup deeper than this film, and a referee should have been on hand to call foul on the acting.
Fetishised footage of taut, muscular young men grappling with and pounding on each other. All I could think was, "Oh, go ahead. Back down. We'll all be happier."
In the future, movies this derivative will be made by robots.

And our favorite:

If you combined The Karate Kid with Fight Club, then threw in a dash of The O.C. and You Got Served then beat it with a stick until it was really stupid, you'd have something twice as smart as Never Back Down.

Even the film's (few) positive reviews are full of red flags:

Here's what I hoped for: someone to root for, someone to root against, an inspiring coach, some eye candy and, of course, training montages. I got what I wanted.
Speaking as someone who approached Never Back Down with curiosity and hope rather than a sense of obligation, I implore you to stay away.

Read the full reviews at Rotten Tomatoes.

Who Would You Rather: Rambo vs. Walker, Texas Ranger

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 14:28:00 GMT

FoxNews is running a poll to determine who wins in a fight, Sly Stallone, who just endorsed John McCain, or Mike Huckabee supporter and bad-ass angel on his shoulder Chuck Norris. Hell yeah!

We decided to run our own poll: Who would you rather? Not between Sly '08 and Norris '08 (that's an easy one-- have you guys seen Rocky 26? I'm not even sure that was really Stallone in it-- maybe he died before shooting and they just moved his mouth with stop motion animation.)

How about McCain-supporting Stallone in Cobra... vs. McCain-style but-Huckabee-supporting Chuck Norris in Missing In Action 2? For the straight guys (like me, thank you very much), whom would you rather take on in an, um, in-no-way-homoerotic fight? For the rest of you: who would you rather...?

Video of the Day: Hockey Fight Porn

Bryan Christian — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 15:39:00 GMT

Here at Scanner, we try to cater to everyone's tastes eventually -- but frankly, we never thought we'd get to those of you who thought Fight Club would have been hotter had it only been on ice. Fightcapades, ho!