Scanner : fear

If These F-ing Hippies Would Have Gotten The Swine Flu Shot in The 70's Maybe We Wouldn't Be In This Mess

Emily Farris — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 15:01:00 GMT

We're starting to believe that this swine flu business is really just a giant hoax created by the media to save media jobs. And if that's true, well, we can't really blame anyone. But if it turns out to be a real threat, we have only our parents to blame. The pig virus reared its ugly pink snout back in the seventies, and if those damn hippies would have just taken the time to eradicate it with a simple vaccine, maybe we wouldn't have crazies running around New York in masks and schools closing in Texas. But no, they were too busy making free love and taking magic mushrooms. Now we're all going to die. Thanks, you f-ing hippies, for not being scared enough by this 1976 swine flu PSA.

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Sloppy Seconds: Because Breast Milk is Cheaper Than Cow's Milk?

Emily Farris — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 22:33:00 GMT

HBO is developing a new show called "Women's Studies." And we all know what that means. [AfterEllen]

Author JG Ballard, perhaps best known for his book "Empire of the Sun" is dead at 78. [Yahoo!]

If Pulitzer Prize winners are being laid off, is there any hope for us? [Portfolio]

Tennis star Andy Roddick married his girlfriend Brooklyn Decker on Friday. [People]

Though we never had the fear ourselves, we've always understood why certain kids were afraid of the toilet. Now kids everywhere have even more reason to steer clear of the porcelain sucking machine after a three-year-old got her foot stuck in the handle of one (how that happens we don't know) and firefighters had to rescue her. [Telegraph]

Grey's Anatomy star Ellen Pompeo is preggers. [Us]

Food made with breast milk is all the rage these days. Maybe it has to do with the price of cow's milk going up? Anyway, the newest breast milk product is cheese. A recent art exhibit in London featured the product. [APP]

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Breast Milk: To Suckle Or Not To Suckle

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Rogue Entomologist Has a Bright Future in Terrifying Small Children

Nicole Pasulka — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 17:54:00 GMT

This is a Praying Mantis dressed as the Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland. See and that's a simple enough thing to comprehend. We'd like to say it's just a lone, anomolous Praying Mantis with a red skirt on but, unfortuantely, that's not the case.

Because it'll take a bit more than one creepy, dressed-up bug to strike fear in our hearts. It'll take bugs hiding where you'd least expect them....like, for example, inside childhood toys:

Can you just imagine opening your pretty pink music box to fish out your favorite rhinestone clip on earrings and, instead of a ballerina, there's a fucking Praying Mantis spinning around to the music from Swan Lake??!!

This is not a cute art project, this is years of therapy and horrible nightmares.

5 Terrifying Rites of Manhood Make Us Grateful for Our Vaginas

Nicole Pasulka — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 19:12:00 GMT

If you ask us (or at least if you ask Scanner Nicole) boys can have that whole "manhood" thing. Especially when proving it involves jumping from a 100-foot platform with nothing but a vine around your ankles and a prayer in your heart, as it does in the manhood rite performed byeight-year-old boys of the Vanuatu tribe. 12- to 15-year-old Ethiopian boys of the Hamar tribe jump straight over cows in front of friends and family and Australian Aborigines aren't circumcized until15 or 16.

And you guys thought having to take a shower in gym class was bad.

Third Nipple Mystery Solved

Katie Halper — Fri, 09 May 2008 20:35:00 GMT

Third nipples, as we learned yesterday, afflict 1/18th of the population. So, who is the man behind the three nipples before you? Who is this unsung hero of the third nipple pride movement? You've probably been tossing and turning all night in anticipation. Have no Fear-- you'll find out after the jump.

If you said Marky Mark, you are wrong. But if you said Mark Wahlberg, you're right. Anyone who saw Wahlberg's breathtaking performance as David in Fear knows that to call this thespian by his rapper name, Marky Mark, does not do him justice.( Although Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch were a talented bunch and "Good Vibrations" is a solid song.) Did you know that Wahlberg is part of the Third Nipples Are Beautiful Movement? Although he once planned on removing his extra nipple, Wahlberg decided to keep it. And he told Rolling Stone why: "I've come to embrace it. That thing's my prized possession."

Previously: Third Nipples: Everybody's Doing Them

We Knew It: Halle Berry is Terrified of Giving Birth

Emily Farris — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 19:59:00 GMT

Remember last week when Halle Berry said she wanted to stay pregnant forever? Because she was glowing? Yeah, we didn't buy that bullshit for a second.

"I'm worried about giving birth. I've been pretty cool about my pregnancy up until lately, but suddenly I'm realising that there's a baby that's got to come out and someone is going to have to be there to push it out.

"Emotionally, I'm a bit of a mess. Besides all the hormones bubbling and boiling inside me, the anticipation is starting to get to me. I'm more nervous now than I was during the Oscars."

[Previously on Scanner: Halle Berry Wants to Stay Pregnant Forever]

[Via our younger but much more grown-up sister Fame Crawler]

Genetically Modified Fearless Mouse Cute, But a Little Scary

Emily Farris — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 15:37:00 GMT

Scientists in Japan have genetically modified a mouse to make it "fearless;" it just marched it's cute little mouse ass right up to a cat and tried to cuddle. While it sounds like the plot for an animated Disney movie, we get the feeling this is not good news for earthlings who rely on their intuition to stay away from things like rotten food and rotten people:

[The findings show] that fear is genetically hardwired and not learned through experience, as commonly believed. Mice are naturally terrified of cats and usually panic or flee at the smell of one, research team leader Ko Kobayakawa said. But mice with certain nasal cells removed through genetic engineering didn't display any fear...The findings suggest that human aversion to dangerous smells like that of rotten food, for example, could also be genetically predetermined, he said.

[Via PR-inside.com]