Scanner : fast food

Boobs Pull Double Breasted (Burger) Ad

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 11 May 2009 18:30:00 GMT

The Australian fast food chain called Nando's has offended the nation's sensibilities once again with a demeaning ad that involves boobs, French fries, "funny accents," and boobs. There are also boobs.

A complaint that the ad encouraged discrimination against women was upheld, meaning that the ad - for the “Classic Double Breast Burger” has been pulled.

ASB CEO Fiona Jolly said: “While the Board recognised the intended humour, it also considered a significant proportion of the community would be offended and find there was an element of sexuality and objectification of women that was concerning.”

In Nando’s submission, the company claimed it had behaved with “sensitivity to the relevant audience”. It added: “As a company, we are very proud of our irreverent brand nature.”

Nice try, sexist pigs, you are hereby banned. Or: your ad is banned. Or: you get more publicity for being banned than any stupid fast food ad in which someone's boobs play a prominent role ever could have done for your chicken sandwich special.

Here is the ad that is no longer in question, due to the almighty Advertising Standards Bureau, aka the Bureau, n. "a chest" of "drawers":

What do you think? Harmless, hilarious, hideous?

Via mUmbrella.

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Salma Hayek's First TV Commercial [VIDEO]

Emily Farris — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 21:35:00 GMT

VIA THE REMOTE ISLAND: The unbearably gorgeous Salma with ridiculous '80's hair and headband, in an ad for Burger Boy, a Mexican fast food chain.

Read more...

Salma Hayek's First TV Commercial [VIDEO]

Emily Farris — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 08:10:00 GMT

VIA THE REMOTE ISLAND: The unbearably gorgeous Salma with ridiculous '80's hair and headband, in an ad for Burger Boy, a Mexican fast food chain.

Read more...

Teacher Shows Girls His Dick... In Class

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 20:43:00 GMT

Unlike Sting, this young teacher was not the subject of schoolgirl fantasy.

Crazy Cat Dude Jason Beaudry, a math teacher at Chicopee Comprehensive High School in Massachusetts, has been arrested after a January incident in which he showed three teenage girls, all of them underage, a picture of his pet.

What's wrong with that? Oh, we get it now... his other pet was in there...

According to the local news in the Holyoke area:

The case started in January when he allegedly invited three teenage girls back to his math class at Chicopee Comprehensive High School. There he showed the girls a picture of his cat on his cell phone, but as they scrolled through the pictures, the content changed.
"The second picture she scrolled through was the defendant, as well as an exposed penis," says Assistant District Attorney James Channing.

Boy Genius went on to ask the girls if they'd come to the "good pictures" yet, thereby eliminating the defense's argument that he never meant for them to see the peen pic. Next thing you know, as his attorney put it, the photo incident "went like wildfire through the school," leading to his arrest and his being placed on administrative leave. Keep collecting those checks, big boy, it's a long waiting list for a fast food job these days...

"The defendant would say, 'Wait until you're 18. If you came back after school I'd be in trouble...'" [CBS 3 - Springfield]

Too late, dumbass.

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While You Were Sleeping: Update on the Pole Dancing Video Game

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 14:01:00 GMT

Check out this fake police I.D. card a man made for himself. You'll note he didn't completely paint over Chipotle's logo...

Mindy McCready capped off a horrible year with a visit to the psych ward following a suicide attempt. Let's hope the new year presents her with a clean slate.

Here's a great robbery story: a guy demanded money from a cashier at a fast food joint. The cashier laughed and said, "Get a job." The guy then pulled a box cutter and asked for the cashier's wallet, a request that was granted. The cashier had no money either, so they robber left and was quickly arrested.

There is mounting left-wing opposition to Obama's choice of Rick Warren to kick off the inauguration. We think Stevie Wonder would make a great substitute preacher.

By the way, if you just got accepted into Northwestern, you might want to read this. (Same for those who got rejected.)

A man went for a joyride with a hearse. The hearse was idling in front of a funeral home, the sick fuck.

Lindsay Lohan had a close call with a crazy. And no, her father didn't show up at her party or anything.

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TTYL, or, Kansas City Here I Come

Emily Farris — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 23:55:00 GMT

After multiple anxiety attacks, two attempts at selling my shit on the street (hey, I made $273!) and lots of heavy drinking that led to a few teary goodbyes, the time has come for me to make the move to Kansas City. So I'll be offline for the next few business days.

I still have to pack up my massive vintage Pyrex collection and get the swing out of the closet before my dad flies up on Friday. After what I predict will be an ill-fated trip to IKEA we're going to pack up the truck and ride off into the sunset, er snowstorm, early Saturday. Considering Dave gets grumpy easily and has a soft spot for (and not-so-soft belly because of ) road-side food and Rolling Rock, we'll probably make it a three-day trip—keeping me offline until Tuesday.

I've enlisted Scanner Nicole to blog a little while I'm away, and as always, you will be blessed with the blog stylings of Brian, Colleen, Matt and Verena. Be nice to them. Or I will cut you.

I'll be back Tuesday, beginning my official tenure as The Scanner Blogger from Kasnas City. I'll try not to get knocked-up or addicted to meth by then.

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KFC Employees Found Finger Lickin' Clean in the Kitchen

Emily Farris — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 15:17:00 GMT

Two KFC employees have been fired in Anderson, CA after photographs of them with another female employee bathing in the fast food chain's kitchen sink were posted on MySpace in an album titled "KFC Moments." Captions included "haha KFC showers!" and "haha we turned on the jets." Haha. We bet you did.

We have two things to say about this: 1. it's going to be a long time before we eat at KFC again (not that any of the food even sees the sink before it goes into our mouths) and 2. we are so, so glad MySpace didn't exist when we 14 and working at Chinese Delight in the Independence Center.

Some of the KFC Moments—which we really hope are not kiddie porn—after the jump.

All the grease in those sinks has got to be bad for their skin, no? And why were only two fired? Perhaps the third was banging the manager.

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PC World Picks The 11 Worst Blogs

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 15:19:00 GMT

Strangely enough, there are no LOLCat-related sites on this list... although we'd certainly nominate them.

Bad Hair Day. Seriously, this one's so boring we won't even trouble you with an analysis.

The Senator Ted Stevens Campaign Blog

The Michael Sandecki blog. It seems the answer to every "Who the hell is ____?" question we ask these days can be answered with "American Idol."

The Pepsi-KFC Blog. What ever do they talk about? Whatever it is, it's not interesting enough to research further.

The Adventures of Pat O'Neil. Despite the fact that we are bloggers, we were unaware that fictional historical characters have absurdist blogs.

Jesus Fucking Christ, Jack in the Box has a fucking MySpace blog.

Paris Hilton: A Paris Hilton Fan Blog, which was probably created by Paris Hilton or one of her BFF fembots.

Kim Kardashian's blog, which is somehow more pathetic than any fan blog about Kim Kardashian.

Rosie O'Donnell's blog, which is somehow more pathetic than Kim Kardashian's blog. Ouch.

CheckOut, which is really a big ad for Wal-Mart, according to PC World.

And the winner is... The Dullest Blog in the World. No comment.

Via MSNBC.

Burger King Wants You To Have $100... No, Seriously, Take The Money...

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 17:50:00 GMT

Burger King is deliberately dropping wallets full of cash all over the country and, unlike the wicked New York City Police Department, they aren't arresting people who are kind enough to pick them up...

The blogosphere is abuzz today with stories of people in Arizona, Florida, and Illinois finding wallets on the floor of the local Burger King restaurants. The wallets were deliberately dropped or planted by hired help on a Burger King marketing campaign:

From November 12-14, the fast food chain will be leaving 5000 wallets around Chicago, specifically "in high-traffic areas and landmarks." Inside the wallets? "A BK Crown Card pre-loaded with $5 to $20 and cold, hard cash ranging from $1 to $100."
Yep, the wallets include notes telling the individuals who find them to go ahead and keep the wallets. Time Out Chicago reported on November 12th that Burger King planned to drop 5,000 of these wallets around urban hot spots in Chicago. According to reports from bloggers, the wallets contain actual cash, ranging from a $1 bill to a $100 bill, a gift card to Burger King, a “Drivers License” featuring The King, and a map of Chicago or Orlando area Burger King’s.
This is a brilliant marketing move, and the mainstream media is obviously lagging behind on discovering it - but creative and unique marketing ideas like this one don’t go unnoticed forever. I expect much more widespread attention for this promotion as the word-of-mouth affect begins to trickle up the mainstream media.

The economy is in such bad shape right now, with the highest new unemplyoment filings in years, that you half expect large crowds of people scouring their local BK's, not for the $1 menu, but like those weird beachcombers, hoping that someone hasn't scoured the place as thoroughly as they are about to...

Via the So Good Blog and NBC.

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Video of the Day: Burger King Bath

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 13:50:00 GMT

This video is so much funnier than it ever could be with the "those damn kids!" commentary from the joyless locals.

Of course, we're not condoning this shit or anything...

Maybe we're wrong, but nowhere does it say this kid got fired or that managers were disciplined for this. (By the way, you'd think some dumbass would've said, "Um, maybe you shouldn't film this because it makes us all look like unsanitary psychos?")

An employee is captured on camera taking a bubble bath at a Burger King. Some of the video was posted online.

In the clip, the employee self-described as "Mr. Unstable" is seen bathing nude in a large stainless steel sink while other employees and a store manager continued to work.

Via AZCentral.

UPDATE: According to Yahoo!, the bath-loving employee was indeed fired, so at least there's that.

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There Best Be Some Bling on That Burger King

Emily Farris — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 13:14:00 GMT

If we were going to drop $200 on a hamburger — which, let's be honest, we totally would if we could — it sure as hell wouldn't be from Burger King. Even if it was a Burger King in the UK. Even though Big Macs are better in the UK so who's to say that Burger King wouldn't be better in the UK? But still... let's talk about why it's expensive.

Because Burger King says so to break some silly record:

Burger King's £95 sandwich, named simply The Burger, will make Guinness World Record history beating a similarly extravagant American Double Truffle Burger which cost just £65 in 1994.
The world's most succulent Japanese beef is complemented with white truffles, onion tempura prepared in Cristal champagne and Italy's finest Pata Negra prosciutto.

Really? You're gonna be like that, Burger King?

We think we can do better, especially with the help of our friend the Shameless Carnivore. Because we can make a burger that will not only cost 95 pounds, it will make you gain 95 pounds.

Or, uh, we could just make a regular burger and get someone to give us $250 for it and then we'd have the most expensive burger in the world, now wouldn't we?

[Telegraph: Burger King launches £95 'bling burger']

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Indiana Jones is Making Your Kids Fat

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Indiana Jones is Making Your Kids Fat

Emily Farris — Wed, 21 May 2008 18:59:00 GMT

Is Indiana Jones making you, or your kids, fat?

Rahul Parikhn, an angry pediatrician who wrote an open letter to George Lucas and Steven Spielberg about their films' cross promotion with junk food, thinks so.

You tied "Star Wars" to Pepsi and Frito-Lay, plastering Yoda and Obi-Wan over 2-liter bottles and Doritos bags. Recently I was watching CNBC and saw the chief marketing officer of Burger King unveil the Indy Whopper, a mammoth, juicy burger with pepper jack cheese and jalapeño sauce (to give it "adventure," the CMO pointed out), a tie-in to "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull." I see you also got Mars to manufacture a Snicker's Adventure Bar with coconut and chai that has Dr. Jones' face on the wrapper.

Besides the fact that none of these foods is healthy, one has to ask if they're what your characters would eat. Would Lord Vader chug down a Pepsi before he wielded his light saber? (If he did, would he drink it with a straw or take off his entire mask?) Wouldn't Indy, now a senior citizen, have more than just a little bump in his cholesterol if he had scarfed down his namesake burger with fries and a soda? How could he be fit enough to chase down ancient relics while dodging boulders and outwitting Nazis?

We certainly agree with Parikhn. When we were kids, we were part of the Pizza Hut readers' club. For every ten or so books we read, we'd get a free personal-pan Pizza and soda (or "pop," as it were). For as long as we can remember, we've been rewarded with fatty fast foods, McDonald's gift certificates, etc. And we're sure that, combined with the Little Debbies and the white-bread sandiwches our mom put in our lunch on a daily basis, contributed to our slow metabolism as adults. But we think he's barking up the wrong "you" tree.

Sure, directing the letter to Lucas and Spielberg is the best way to get some attention, but we imagine those two have absolutely nothing to do with the actual marketing of the movie, save their own appearances and interviews. Parikhn should be going after the studios and the marketing departments. Oh, and parents. Because, yeah, if you're a parent who allows your kid to eat junk food on a daily basis and have soda with dinner every night, then it's highly possible that Indiana Jones and other cross promotions are making your kids fat.

And we kind-of want a double-bacon swiss burger. Except not that one.

[Salon: Indiana Jones and the kingdom of fat kids]