Scanner : extra-marital affair

Ex-Mayor in Michigan Arrested For Having Sex in the Street

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 07 May 2009 17:42:00 GMT

Kim Capello, a 56-year-old man who used to be the Mayor pro term of Novi, just outside of Detroit, was arrested last month for indecent exposure.

While it's always news when a politician is arrested for whipping out his boner (Kim is currently the Oakland County Commissioner-- see above), there is more to this story than simple indecency...

On the morning of April 18th, police respond to a complaint about two people getting randy against a wall near a strip of bars and restaurants in town. Upon arriving, the cops found Capello and a 37-year-old woman having sex in the middle of the sidewalk, with pedestrians passing by and presumably fleeing in horror. It should also be noted that Capello is Republican family man-- he has been married for 21 years to his law partner wife, with whom he shares an office, according to the local news. The couple also have three kids.

Strangely enough, the woman has not been charged with any crime, while her lover faces up to three months in jail when he appears in court next month.

Via ClickOnDetroit.

Related:

Candidate for Gov. of GA Admits to Having Sex... with a Mule

Politician Probably Should've Taken Down Scandalous Facebook Profile First

AZ Gov. Candidate Posts Topless Photo of His Roommate on Flickr

Nevada Governor's Sex Scandal May Top Eliot Spitzer's

Most Bizarre Stakeout Ever Ends in Penis Severing

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 06 May 2009 17:02:00 GMT

You would think the most bizarre thing about a woman biting off her boss's penis would be the part where the woman bites off her boss's penis.

You obviously haven't been reading Nerve for very long...

An unidentified 30-year-old female in Singapore will probably never give oral again-- and her boss never receive it-- after this disturbing incident. While the married lady was going down on her superior in a park car, a van crashed into them, similar to that scene in The World According to Garp where the cheating wife is blowing her young student and Robin Williams pulls into the driveway and... ow.

The most bizarre part of the story is that the lovers were found by the private detective that was spying on them on behalf of the woman's husband.

The woman ran from the scene screaming, her mouth covered in blood, but ultimately accompanied her man (no, the other one) to the hospital, where he was treated but probably not fully repaired.

Via Metro.

Related:

China's Last Eunuch

We Missed Out on National Penis Day 2009

A New Book About Sex, Geared For Toddlers And Up

Twitter Has a Famous New "Member"

Nevada Governor's Sex Scandal May Top Eliot Spitzer's

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 13:50:00 GMT

Jim Gibbons, Republican Governor of Nevada and accused sexual assailant, is one helluva piece of work. We've previously told you about Gibbons and an incident involving a waitress who claims she was assaulted and told to "shut up" by the Governor one night in a parking garage, although no charges were filed.

Now, the juicy details of the Gibbons family divorce are burning up the wire...

Mrs. Dawn Gibbons was sick of Gibbons and his philandering, although it was the Governor who filed for divorce last spring. Nonetheless, she has a bone to pick with him about his affairs with two specific women, although more infidelities are alleged.

1) One woman received approximately 860 texts from Gibbons's state-issued cell. When this information first came to light, Romeo was forced to reimburse $130. According to USA Today, Gibbons denies these were love notes.

2) As depicted in the photograph above, the Love Gov. is alleged to have snatched up a colleague's ex-wife: specifically the ex-wife of Reno's Mayor, who happens to be Leslie Durant, a former Playboy bunny and, we believe, Miss September 1989, something not reported in the mainstream media. (See here for a blog that discusses their relationship and outs her as 9/89's girl.) UPDATE: It has come to our attention that someone other than a Leslie Durant was Miss September that year, although there is a variety of evidence Leslie Durant (probably under her maiden name) appeared in Playboy that month.

Let us remind everyone that it's better to break up with someone than to cheat on them and try to get away with it. Gibbons hasn't learned that lesson from Bill Clinton or Spitzer, apparently.

Jersey Girl's Torrid Love Affair With An Eighth Grader

Married British Barrister Billed Client For Sex

Cloris Leachman Won't Wait For Her Entree, Wants You Now

Rumormongering: Rihanna Gave Chris Brown Herpes

Married British Barrister Billed Client For Sex

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 18:06:00 GMT

But he didn't just bill his client for sex. He didn't just bill her for sex they had in expensive hotel rooms. He billed her 250 pounds an hour for that sex...

It gets better: 46-year-old attorney Marc Beaumont got client (yes, this is her real name) Anal Sheikh drunk on multiple occasions and slept with her, then later billed her for his time in that absurd amount. Either this is the best sex since Eliot Spitzer was Governor of New York or-- no, it apparently wasn't. Sheikh was furious and went to the press... which probably won't sit too well with... Mrs. Beaumont.

According to the Telegraph:

...things turned sour after Mr Beaumont's wife, Michele, 50, allegedly found out about their relationship and locked him out of the house and he was concerned she would "trash his office".
She claimed Mrs Beaumont later phoned her, threatening to "destroy" her.
Yet despite apparently agreeing with his wife not to see her face to face, she alleged Mr Beaumont wanted to continue the affair. She alleges that the couple met and kissed and he even asked and colleague to lie about his whereabouts if his wife should telephone his office.

Miss Shiekh claims Mr Beaumont acted negligently and gave her bad legal advice on a string of occasions.

Among that terrible advice, we're guessing: "have sex with me."

Via the Telegraph.

Related:

The Rare Knocked Up Midge Doll

Purity Boot Camp

Audrina Partridge Already Reduced to Nude Advertisements

Woman Handcuffs Husband to.... Talk?

Slimy Married Dude Thinks His Sneaky Strip Club Visits Are A Good Thing

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 20:32:00 GMT

Today on Your Tango, some busy business man makes excuses for his strip club addiction, telling us that it "helps" his marriage.

His other reasons are equally unbelieveable...

Let's be clear: if your man plies his trade taking client abuse or has ever attended a conference that finds him in a hotel banquet hall for 12 hours of Powerpoint torture, you can assume your honey has blown off steam, at least once, by contributing to some gal's plastic surgery fund, one crumpled bill at a time.

I am the garden-variety business-traveling strip club patron, for whom a lap dance with a client is like a harmless game of golf. You tuck a dollar bill or five or 20 inside a G-string, sit back for an innocent bump n' grind, have a few laughs with associates over the thundering drums of a Motley Crue song, wonder where your money went as you comb the sticky carpet looking for stray bills around your seat, and leave the joint lighter of both heart and wallet.

My wife knows she has absolutely nothing to worry about, and neither do most women. She knows I would not blow her trust by paying a scantily clad woman $500 to take my pasty, fat married ass into some back room for an hour. No good can come of that. Plus I'm too lazy to bulldoze my tracks and too cheap to burn a good Brooks Brothers shirt when perfume and glitter won't come out of the fabric.

Now, that's not a wholesale guarantee of good male behavior, and I don't pretend to represent mankind as a whole. My wife and I have been married for 16 years; the drama quotient is remarkably low, the passion remarkably hot and we've never needed any chemical or psychological intermediaries to keep it that way.

"You can take care of yourself to your heart's content in a hotel room, but you best not bring that filth into my bedroom," declared one of my wife's friends when I intentionally brought up the subject of shaker bars at our holiday party. Interestingly, she said this to no one in particular at maximum volume, avoiding the repentant gaze of her husband. From my vantage point, it looked like the mini-qiuiche he was swallowing suddenly turned to broken glass.
Do I bring my stripper-induced sensory overload into the bedroom? You bet I do! My wife and I have known one another since college, and over the years we have achieved the perfect blend of familiarity and mystery by sharing fantasies without breaking trust. Though she doesn't bring a director and makeup trailer to bed, I'm sure that some nights after a Mad Men episode I am her Jon HammSex is not only about love, but about play as well, and if she closes her eyes once in a while to pretend she is riding someone's see-saw, that's OK by me. understudy.
After years of monogamy and two kids, sexuality is not the stuff of romance novels. It's not that easy and never that clean. Some men fish off the company pier.

But not this dude. He just finds that jizzing in his pants at a strip joint is better than masturbation and/or just waiting till the damn business trip is over. Does anyone else out there care or are strip clubs too harmless to worry about in a relationship?

Related:

PG Porn Takes the Bang Bus

Zac Efron Mud Wrestles A Nude Model

Fox News Enjoys Your Big Butt

Our Favorite Stripper Wants You To Be Patriotic, Drink PBR

Ex-Detroit Mayor Gets All Sexy With the Texts

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 14:54:00 GMT

Here's one of our favorites from Detroit Mayor (excuse us, ex-Detroit Mayor and now ex-felon) Kwame Kilpatrick:

6/23/02
Kwame (11:16 p.m.): I wand you to talk to me while I do you. ------- I want you to focus on making me make you come! ERASE.

We wand you to click hard on the Read more... for the rest of these golden sext messages...

1) 2/24/03
Kwame's Wife (4:47 p.m.): Had a bad dream last night...that you had a girlfriend. So of course I woke up pissed!

Kwame to wife (4:52): LOL. I have one Girlfriend...My Best Ever and lastly My Soulmate! SLEEP WELL!!

Kwame to girlfriend (10:28): THIS IS FOR U! LOL. I have one Girlfriend...My Best Ever and lastly My Soulmate! SLEEP WELL!!

2) 9/08/04

Kwame (11:56): You TOLD ME. Ok, I SOLD WEED IN COLLEGE!

Girlfriend (11:58): WHHHHAAAAATTTT! THAT'S A GOOD ONE!!

Kwame (12:01 p.m.): LOLOLOLOL! YEP! ME AND TIM

3) 8/30/04
Kwame (5:25 p.m.): CAN I GET SOME SUGAR LATER?

Girlfriend (5:36): NO QUESTION!!!

Kwame (5:37): THANK YOU MAM!

4) 7/23/02
Kwame (2:51 p.m.): I REALLY BELIEVED THAT I HAD NO CHANCE TO BE WITH YOU. I've WANTED TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU SINCE I WAS 17yrs OLD. I BELIEVED IT WAS MY ONLY OPPORTNITY[sic]. AT THAT TIME I WAS TRYING TO MAKE A TEENAGE FANTASY COME TRUE! NOW I KNOW DIFFERENT.

5) 6/10/02
Girlfriend (8:28 p.m.): Hey, would you be mad if I found another man/husband between now and sometime in the next two years? Lou Beatty and I might not make it and I need to find a new husband!

Kwame (8:50): I WOULD BE MAD AS HELL! STAY WITH LOU. I CAN'T TAKE ANOTHER DUDE.

Wait, his girlfriend was married as well? We didn't know that and, in a way, it does make this whole affair slightly more sordid. Thanks to Talking Points Memo for finding these five gems in the official transcripts, which contain over 6,000 messages between Kilpatrick and his then-chief-of-staff, Christine Beatty. Both were eventually arrested for obstruction of justice and perjury charges stemming from a simple $25,000 lawsuit, ending an administration marred by police officers murdering whistleblowers, Kilpatrick's wife assaulting strippers, and bribery allegations.

So, if you are starting to feel bad for the former Mayor because we're mocking him and exposing his hypocrisy, just think about that...

Related:

Sex is the New Airborne

Putting an End to Teacher Sex?

Amazing Race Winner Stars In First Celebrity Webcam Scandal

While You Were Sleeping: The Spitzer Scandal Never Dies

Germany's Biggest Sex Scandal Comes To A Stunning Conclusion

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 15:33:00 GMT

Back in November, we alerted you to the story of Susanna Klatten, Germany's richest women, a billionaire and heir to a BMW fortune tainted by Nazism, who was embroiled in a then-breaking story of blackmail, sex tapes, extramarital affairs, and millions of euros in cash.

This week, the trial of her one-time lover, a creep by the name of Helg Sgarbi, a Swiss businessman who apparently specializes in these types of crimes. As the court date approached, new and shocking information came to light that reopened old wounds throughout the country and the world...

In 2007, Sgarbi seduced Klatten at an Austrian spa and later at a Munich hotel. It was the hotel owner himself who filmed the hidden-camera sex tape, according to our report:

...Klatten's alleged lover and a friend of his, a hotel owner who filmed sexual trysts in his establishment. The duo hoped to received 40 million euros, but had to settle for 7.5 million from Klatten. Klatten, who helped foil her own kidnapping at the age of 16, was already talking to the cops.

Klatten may have hoped that, in going to the police, her husband would not learn of the plot, affair, and the lost 7.5 million. Too late-- there was a leak and soon the scandal made international headlines. Then there was this, according to Gawker:

What motivated Sgarbi? Reportedly, his real name was Helg Russak, and he was the descendant of forced laborers who worked in BMW factories during World War II — which made his choice of Geiss even odder.

Klatten's grandfather, Günther Quandt, served as an advisor to Hitler; his factories made batteries for Germany's submarines. His first wife, Magda, divorced him and married Joseph Goebbels, Hitler's propaganda minister. The Quandt family, which had denied involvement in the regime for decades, agreed to fund an investigation into their past after a documentary film presented incontrovertible evidence of BMW's complicity. [Gawker]

We almost started to feel sympathy for the girl... but that was before we learned that he was also guilty of extorting money from three other wealthy women, none of whom are yet rumored to have any Nazi ties...

Yesterday, on the first day of his trial, Helg confessed to all the charges and was sentenced to a mere six years in prison for sparing Germany a lengthy and embarrassing case. The public, mouths frothing, were left saying, "Wha happen?" and actually expressed great disappointment the thing didn't drag out for months...

Related:

Germany's Richest Woman Blackmailed With Own Sex Tape

While You Were Sleeping: Sex Tape Blackmail

This Guy Thought It Was OK To Sign Stepdaughter To Sex Contract

Woman's Husband & Stepfather Arrested For Blackmailing Her w/Sex Tape

While You Were Sleeping: Sex Tape Blackmail

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 13:56:00 GMT

Spinal Tap confirmed they will play an acoustic tour that will hit Vancouver, Seattle, New York, and several other North American cities.

Eddie Murphy will finally get what he always wanted? No, not an Oscar-- it's the chance to play Richard Pryor.

Last year, we brought you the story of a man who had sex with a park bench... had his dick caught in that park bench, then went through four hours of hell as... okay, we'll stop there. Just read this Cracked list about having sex with inanimate objects.

Bartering is the new e-bay.

A guy who had sex with another man, whom he later discovered is a married father and decided to blackmail, has been sentenced to a mere four months in prison.

We were pretty sure this is a joke-- an airline considering charging passengers one euro for using the toilet-- but Strollerderby swears it ain't.

Blake Fielder-Civil's mom blames Amy Winehouse for her son's failing marriage. What about his introducing her to drugs, lady?

And Sharon Osbourne is being sued over that fight on Charm School, the only three minutes of that show anyone's ever sat through.

Related:

PETA Wants to Covet Your Neighbor's Sexy Wife

Michael Jackson's Statues Are Not Helping His Public Image

Colorado Kids Want to Write About Sex and No One Can Stop Them

Sloppy Seconds: Amy Winehouse's New Single Life

Thing #387 Not to F*ck: A Hong Kong Park Bench

I Feel Bad About Your Chin, Meg Ryan

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 21:52:00 GMT

A new study indicates women who have stronger chins are more likely to cheat.

Dennis Quaid saw this photo of Meg Ryan and proclaimed, "I should have known..."

According to psychologists at Western Ontario University, women with "larger" chins, like former A-list star Meg Ryan can mean more testosterone:

Larger chins on women are often caused by a high level of the male growth hormone testosterone, present in all women in various amounts.

The hormone also increases sexual assertiveness in a woman, a tendency more commonly attributed to males.

The researchers, from four universities across the US and Canada, took a group of young women and questioned them on their sexual histories and fantasies.

These women were then rated by a group of men on their desirability as a life partner.
It was concluded that men will shun women with such masculine features when looking for a long-term partner because they fear being cuckolded.

Psychologists believe it is linked to their evolutionary desire to have a partner who will produce children for only one man.

We're not sure why being more sexually assertive means you're more likely to cheat on your husband with dopey ol' Russell Crowe, but whatever.

Obama Speechwriter and His Maxim Girl Steam Up the White House

Women Get Away With Affairs Because of Their Expert Lying, Says Woman Who Got Away With An Affair With Future British Prime Minister

Photo Essay: Revenge of the Cheated

Wife Catch You Online Dating? Try Ashley Madison

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 23:30:00 GMT

Want to have sex with other people, but too much of a complete assface not to file for divorce or discuss it with your spouse? No more do you have to create Nerve personals profiles and defile have the metropolitan area before someone finds you out.

Finally, for everybody who's ever wanted to spice up their sex life by bringing home STD's, there's Ashley Madison...

Ashley Madison is the brainchild of those doucheturds who created Hot or Not (does that even exist? why?) and, long after its launch, it has finally caught on thanks to its tagline, "Life Is Short, Have An Affair" (we're not making that up), and its widely-circulated open letter to adulterer Eliot Spitzer. Now, founder Noah Biderman opens up to Bitter Lawyer about why Ashley Madison even exists, whether he cheats on his wife, and why his Mom is proud of his career choice:

[T]he majority of people on AshleyMadison are not necessarily seeking a new relationship. Rather, they are seeking the physical intimacy that is lacking from their current relationship.
[We] attract a more sophisticated, educated, high-income member base. Lawyers and bankers seem to be our largest professional groups.

The women on the service really fall into three different groups: 1) The soccer mom/desperate housewife who feels totally under-appreciated in her current relationship; 2) the quintessential mistress who is not interested in settling down and getting married; 3) young, attached/married women who either feel that the man they are currently with is not the man they can stay with for the rest of their lives, or that they have made a mistake in getting married, but before they get any deeper, they are seeking what else might be out there waiting for them.
I may not convince those who believe infidelity is “wrong” to start believing that it is “right,” but I am positive that I have helped people accept that it is part of the human condition, and that if we start asking the question “why” people cheat, we might find some interesting answers.
I am married with two beautiful children. I think it is important for people to understand that this is not some kind of crusade or personal outlet for me... I woke up one morning and found myself in the arms of a very demanding “mistress” called AshleyMadison.
What I like to jokingly tell people critical of my current role is that my mother is finally proud of her son’s career… After all, I used to be a lawyer.

You can search profiles on Ashley Madison... although we don't recommend it.

Via Bitter Lawyer.

Related:

Chloe Sevigny Would Like More Topless Sex Scenes, Please

And You Thought Bill Clinton Was A Sex-Crazed Politician...

Infidelity: Blame It On My Hormones

Creepy Dudes Now Using Sex Tapes To Blackmail You Into... Giving Them Nude Photos?

Top 5 Sex Scenes From Action Movies

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 23:03:00 GMT

Every Hollywood action movie has to have a distracting sex scene about 70 minutes into the movie, just before the big, climactic showdown sequence begins-- just ask Sylvester Stallone. We defy you to name one action flick he's done without him rolling around in the sack with a Sharon Stone type, while Enya's instrumental score plays on the soundtrack in time with the snoring of almost everyone.

But, as no dude would feel the film is complete without it, screenwriters and directors keep plugging them in, sometimes ending up with something halfway decent...

Here are our Top 5 Sex Scenes From Action Movies... God forbid you ask us to remember the context these fall in:

5. Cyborg 2. Is that... Good Lord, it is, isn't it? Yep, check out Angelina Jolie's slow-mo boobs in this quintessential pointless action movie sex scene, which was Jack Palance's ridiculously boneheaded followup to winning an Oscar for City Slickers. You can watch a higher quality clip of the same scene here (it's a smaller, non-embeddable frame.)

4. Killing Zoe. Watching this a second time, we realize how hilariously (and obviously) Freudian this is. The clip from the original Nosferatu, where the man springs from the floor, fully erect? Not phallic at all. Neither is the Venus fly trap clamping shut. The more we started thinking about this-- that Julie Delpy is the hooker with the heart of gold who gets Stockholm Syndrome and falls in love with a bank robber... ay ay ay... now we know why this fell into obscurity, despite Tarantino's involvement. Goodness starts at the 10:00 mark in the full film (seen below) or just click this link to go directly to the sex.

3. Mr. and Mrs. Smith. This obnoxiously bad ripoff of "Prizzi's Honor" at least satisfied one requirement of the Hollywood action genre: a gratuitous, PG-13 rated sex scene. You actually see the moment where Brad Pitt decided to cheat on Jennifer Aniston in this clip.

2. The Terminator. It takes a hell of a director to making these two co-stars look sexy-- which is why James Cameron now has more money than a Fannie Mae exec. No wonder he ended up with Linda Hamilton for many years...

1. 300. Try watching any random section of dialogue in this film. Seriously-- you won't be able to last ten seconds without breaking out in fits of hysterical laughter. But this sex scene will shut you up right quick.

Chloe Sevigny Would Like More Topless Sex Scenes, Please

While You Were Sleeping: Kate Winslet's Other Sex Scenes

No, Wait, the Lithuanian Playboy Calendar Is What We Really Wanted

Creepy Dudes Now Using Sex Tapes To Blackmail You Into... Giving Them Nude Photos?

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 18:32:00 GMT

We're guessing he grew tired of watching their sex tape. 44-year-old Steven Klig tried to blackmail his former lover, years after their liaisons, by threatening to send a DVD of their good times to her husband.

But this only grazing the surface of the story-- not only is Klig a married father of two, among the many revelations from this New York Post story: Klig sent some of his threats from Disney World, where he was on vacation with the wife and kids; Klig didn't want hush money. No, what he wanted was totally bizarre...

He wanted five photos of his victim, several of which wouldn't even feature her in a state of undress. Nonetheless, the woman refused and got the Federales involved:

The next day, an agent posing as the woman wrote Klig back, asking what he wanted and pleading, "I want to keep my family out of this."

He allegedly responded, "I don't need money. What I really want is something new to look at."
Klig then allegedly detailed his preferences for the "first installment" as: "(1) fully clothed; (2) without your shirt; (3) without your shirt and pants (in just a bra and panties); (4) without the bra and (5) fully nude."

He wanted to keep his family out of this? Well, even if she hadn't gone to the cops, she could have probably exacted revenge by making sure his family was entirely in the loop. But we don't condone that kind of behavior... do we?

Photo: A Fruity Affair

Related:

Mom Sent 12,000+ Texts To Her Daughter's Ex-Boyfriend... Then Tried To Blackmail Him

Germany's Richest Woman Blackmailed With Own Sex Tape

World's Greatest Mom Defends Daughter's Honor... Shotgun Style

Vegas Is Boring, So Thank God Atlantic City's Still Sleazy...

Teacher Takes In A 13-Year-Old Boy-- You Know What Happens Next...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 16:58:00 GMT

Debra LaFavre and the rest of the kooky teacher pervs have nothing on 29-year-old Boston-area teacher Christine McCallum for one simple reason.

They never got to live with their victim and sleep with him more than three hundred times. According to news reports from all over the world, McCallum became a sort-of foster parent to a thirteen-year-old boy after his father was unable to take care of a kid by himself. McCallum and her husband (yep-- seems every perv these days has a spouse of only a few short years) took in the future victim and his brother in late 2005; by early the following year, police allege, McCallum was plying her charge with vodka and seductive attire, leading to makeout sessions and, on February 7th, the taking of his virginity.

This went on for two years-- including sex in the next room while Scott, who was only McCallum's husband for two years when the affair is believed to have begun-- until McCallum and the boy broke up over text messages the boy was receiving from girls his own age. Yes, this is one of those idiots who is said to have given her victim his own cellphone and even wrote incriminating details about their love lives on his MySpace page:

"It's hard to be in love with you and set boundaries for you," she wrote. "It's hard to kiss you and tell you no. It's hard to want someone to take care of me when I have to be the one taking care of everyone else."

You would think someone would've seen that and called the cops-- but it wasn't until a teenage friend of the victim told his own parents what was going on that the police got involved. And the obliviousness doesn't stop there-- McCallum's husband attended court with the accused, never batting an eye, even as prosecutors read damning evidence (most of it in McCallum's own hand) into the record...

Via various sources.

Related:

To Catch a Teacher, Brooklyn Edition

Florida Teacher Says, "Oh, THAT Student I Molested In 1983... He Was 16, It Was Okay"

This Week in Hot for Teacher News: Another Sexy Teacher Gets Sexy With a Student

China and Japan At War Again, This Time Over Who Has the Best Sex Tape Scandal

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 20:19:00 GMT

This may be one of the most impressive sex tapes around. For not only does it feature a very lucky man getting it on with a very attractive lady, it goes on to involve three more women in the course of one recording.

Japan's ultimate fighter Hayato “Mach” Sakurai, who fought a widely-publicized event on New Year's Eve, is seen here in a sex tape that has been making the rounds on his country's most risque blogs. Sakurai isn't talking about it-- not just because it was a distraction from his training, but because his wife may not be too happy to have seen him banging four different women.

Meanwhile, China is still dealing with its first major sex tape story-- the latest chapter involves internet sensation (and, thanks to her online nudity, current prison inmate) Kappa Girl being offered a movie deal by Harmony Films in the UK. It may help her transition to fame, since most of her blog entries are in Mandarian or another language English-only pervs obviously can't appreciate. (More about her case here, via Fleshbot.)

Of course, if anything interesting should surface in a language we can roughly fathom, we'll post it here.

Hey, Cheap Rent! Oh, Wait... The Fine Print Is Pretty Insane...

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 14:45:00 GMT

How many of you would move to Manhattan if you landed an apartment for less than $3,000 a month? Now, how many of you would take the place if it was in the happening East Village for $325, rent stabilized?

Put your hands down, because as you may have suspected, this one's a ripoff even at those prices...

This is a post we came across on Craig's List (to our friends out there who are reading this-- no, we're not moving-- but Good God, if this had been for real, we would be breaking leases left and right to make it happen). (Emphasis added.)

$325 EAST VILLAGE- Controlled and large 3 bed (East Village) (map)

-Wow…I can’t believe I am doing this..But I am looking for someone to rent my rent controlled apartment. The monthly rent is extremely cheap and would be a dream for many people in this city. It is in the east village close to A and 3rd. I caught my wife in bed with our neighbor who is almost 20 years younger than her. She is refusing to move out and still seeing him when I am at work, on my bed…I need someone to move in and help me get her out. Man or woman. My plan is to act like we are a couple until she can’t take it anymore. I have done everything possible to try and get her out..But she is a scumbag….So we need to create some type of plan that would get her out..i would charge you very cheap and all you would have to do is act like we are dating. We might have to kiss if front her and make fake sounds when we are in the bedroom. Please respond with a detailed description of your plan to get her out and a little about your self. You could live there after she is out and unless we fall in love we don’t have to do anything else.

Right... you don't have to do anything else. Wow-- we knew that some people too breakups a little hard and rebounds with unwarranted seriousness, but Holy Christ-- this is worse than those ads that start "I'm a downtown businessman with no time for a girlfriend; so, if you want to be my roommate, I only have one requirement: wear this French maid outfit at all times..."

Via Craig's List.

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: The 69-Year-Old Pinup Dude

Vegas Is Boring, So Thank God Atlantic City's Still Sleazy...

Sex Shop Etiquette... From A $9-An-Hour Sex Shop Employee

News Anchor Fired After His Swingers Craigslist Ad Cracks Up The Office

While You Were Sleeping: The Liposuction Car

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 14:08:00 GMT

A rogue church threatened to publicly broadcast the details of a married woman's sex life after she refused to break up with her secret lover. (They sent her a letter announcing their intentions, even though she'd quit attending services there.)

A former member of the White House's inner circle, who was all set to testify in court against Karl Rove and his rigging of the 2004 Presidential election in Ohio, died in a plane crash over the weekend. We were waiting for the mainstream media to pick up on this story and at least dismiss it-- of course, they've so far chosen to ignore even a cursory mention, even though it's several days old.

Sam Mendes spoke out about watching the sex scene between his wife and Leo...

Sam Mendes says directing wife Kate Winslet as she grappled with Leonardo DiCaprio in the steamier scenes in "Revolutionary Road" was "a profoundly weird experience" - so weird that he couldn't watch it. Instead, he monitored the action on a video... [PageSix]

Prosecutors don't seem to care about our rights. They don't care what the jury decides, either.

A Beverly Hills plastic surgeon fled the country when it was discovered he was powering his SUV with what he'd gleaned off his liposuction patients.

Possibly under the assumption they would lose, the Screen Actors Guild delayed a vote on whether or not to strike.

According to one paper, the economy is not stopping women from spending ridiculous amounts of money on makeup. The "lipstick effect" is in play, just as it was during the Great Depression.

A man tried to get his murder case retried, claiming two jurors had sex with one another and the guards overseeing them were inspired for some of the same. Thanks, M.

And breaking up with Hugh Hefner somehow landed Holly Madison the cover of Playboy.

The Second Life Divorce Gets Funnier After The Split

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 15:49:00 GMT

"Dave Barmy" is seen here with his actual/virtual mistress.

A nerdtastic couple in the UK is going through a divorce, thanks to the wife walking in on the husband with a "homewrecker" of a Second Life character.

We thought the story would end there, with the delusional nerd thinking it was worth losing a marriage for an online cuddle, but then the wife had to go and get involved with someone herself...

It turns out that "Dave Barmy," a.k.a. real life humanoid Dave Pollard, "cheated" in the online game by hiring a virtual prostitute (dude... we are speechless-- you're married in real life and you risk the end of your relationship by cheating... with a video game hooker?) And even though Pollard had no physical contact with another woman, spouse Amy Taylor called the online affair "the ultimate betrayal." Then Taylor decided not only to hire a virtual private investigator (!) for help with her divorce case, but to get a little action of her own:

Taylor was quoted by newspapers including The Guardian and The Times of London on Friday as saying she has found a new man in an alternative cyber universe, World of Warcraft.

Pollard says he is already virtually engaged and can't wait to marry his new fiance "in rl" -- short for "real life."

Good luck, kids.

Via Times and CBS.

Related:

Sexy Librarians Win Wisconsin Dance-Off

Sloppy Seconds: Photos of New Planets, Yay!

Female Reverend Banned From Preaching After Drunken Swingers Weekend

While You Were Sleeping: Obama's Replacement

Cheating Wife Claims To Still Love Her Husband... After 18 Month Affair

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 18:22:00 GMT

Face it, if you cheat on somebody for a year and a half, you probably don't "love" your partner, at least not in the traditional sense. Far too often, people use the L-word (not that L Word) to describe their feelings, when they really mean "I'm really attached and dependent on you."

We've never seen a more perfect example to back up this argument than a woman who we came across in the Daily Mail today when reading that story about the eight-year-old's makeover party...

The rundown is basically this: a woman with a husband and daughter started an affair with a married man, an affair that has been going on for 18 months. She is absolutely crazy about the guy and doesn't want to break it off-- but, surprise, she can't bear the thought of hurting her husband, whom she loves. Whatever we think of the situation and this woman, we absolutely do not believe she is still in love with her husband, although she claims to be. Her behavior in no way reflects an understanding of the word as we understand it. Here are some of the comments in the Daily Mail:

-Has it occurred to you that your husband might eventually be better off and happier with someone else?

Don't we all have the right to search for a faithful partner? Yet unbelieveably you claim to be denying him that right in order to "protect" him! Such charity! But what will actually hurt him more? The truth, followed by recovery and the freedom to find someone faithful, or a lifetime shackled to a partner who's betrayed him, without ever again having the option of finding one who won't?

Where's his choice in this? Do you really feel you should decide on his behalf whether he stays with an unfaithful partner? Have some courage. At least you won't lose your child, unlike him!
-I am sorry, but am I meant to feel sympathy for your plight which you have so inevitably brought on yourself. If you truly loved your husband you would have not started the affair. I hope your husband, family and friends find out what you are really like which is a very dishonest person.

The only person you are thinking about is yourself which is utterly selfish. Either admit to the affair and undergo marriage counselling or get a divorce as your husband and the lovers wife deserve honesty and love. Which you and your lover seem to be destroying.

All I can say is I hope karma pays you a visit and you get what you deserve as you certainly have no morality.

If you're strong enough to fend off your feelings for someone else, then you are probably in love. If you're not strong enough to break off an affair that's spiraling out of control, you aren't really in love enough with your husband anymore. Or maybe you're just a weakling. Either way, we have to agree, you don't deserve the guy. Whether you readers think marriage is an institution you think works for us horny humans is beside the point-- the reality here is that this person put her faith in somebody and then has betrayed them over and over again without cause. It's time to do the right thing and leave him, since he deserves someone who loves him.

Sorry for the rant, but this one had to be done.

Via the Daily Mail.

Related:

No Surprise Here: Democrat Who Defeated Mark Foley Is A Perv

CNN Discovers Why Men Cheat (Gasp! It's About Their Feelings)

Reason #8,847 Not To Sleep With A Bali Hooker...

Germany's Richest Woman Blackmailed With Own Sex Tape

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 17:34:00 GMT

You're the country's richest woman. You fear home invasion, kidnapping, extortion, and those pesky poor people with their hands out.

What you probably don't do is worry about getting blackmailed over your own sex tape. Unless, of course, you're this woman...

German police have been working on a case involving Susanne Klatten, Germany's 46-year-old female billionaire, and have arrested two men: Klatten's alleged lover and a friend of his, a hotel owner who filmed sexual trysts in his establishment. The duo hoped to received 40 million euros, but had to settle for 7.5 million from Klatten. Klatten, who helped foil her own kidnapping at the age of 16, was already talking to the cops.

Klatten, who holds a large stake in automaker BMW and Altana speciality chemical company, allegedly paid 7.5 million euros to a Swiss Helg Sgarbi to stop him from publishing compromising photos and videos of the couple's relationship, the German tabloid Bild am Sonntag reported.

The 41-year-old suspect was taken into custody by German authorities some weeks ago, Schmidt-Sommerfeld said.

The heiress to the Quandt family fortune and mother of three children "filed a complaint for fraud and blackmail in January 2008 with a Munich court," he added. Klatten has a personal fortune of 7.8 billion euros, according to German's Manager Magazine.

7.8 billion euros? That's like 40 trillion American or six Michael Bloombergs, right?

Seriously, we think we know why Klatten was embarrassed about this sex tape going public: she's "happily" married. Our guess is that she paid the hush money more so her husband wouldn't find out about the affair than any other public humiliation it could cause. The fact that she went to the police may only mean that she still hoped the media wouldn't find out about the whole incident.

Nice try.

Via Euro News.

Related:

Swedish Hockey Fans Bombard Player With Dildo Parade

The Amazing Disappearing-Reappearing Britney Spears Sex Tape

Have We Finally Found Stills from the Britney Spears Sex Tape?

Playboy's Presidential Sex Quiz A Welcome Distraction From Boring Obama Stories

And You Thought Bill Clinton Was A Sex-Crazed Politician...

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 13:52:00 GMT

As part of our continuing obsession with Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi('s sex life), we present highlights from the extended New Yorker profile of the high-profile cheater.

There won't be any juicier gossip in your news all day, even if Paris Hilton gets donkey punched by Brad Pitt...

Berlusconi, in his undeniably fascist approach to government, is only remotely concerned with his philandering, bribery, corruption, and other crimes. It makes for uncomfortable and even disturbing reading, although mighty juicy!

Here are a few highlights:

having survived some seventeen criminal trials without ultimately being convicted.
an enormous casting couch that Berlusconi used to grant favors to aspiring actresses and to try to bring down the government
does little to hide the fact that he has had a face-lift and hair transplants
a dodering septuagenarian addicted to penis pumps and mysterious injections; supports like to paint him as a tireless Don Juan, capable of satisfying two or three women at once
[a comedian said about Mara Carfagna, a close associate and rumored lover of Berlusconi's] "You can't make someone Minister of Equl Opportunity just because she's sucked your cock!"
does little to hide the fact that he has had a face-lift and hair transplants
[Carfagna] has undergone a major makeover since her days on television, when she favored short skirts.... "They've seen my ass even in Germany" [is a popular online video about featuring Carfagna in her showgirl days]
[Berlusconi to Carfagna] "If I weren't already married, I'd marry you!" [he said at a public event, which led to a tabloid-crazed spat with Mrs. Berlusconi, Veronica Lario]
[A note passed to Berlusconi during a session of Parliament, which Berlusconi controls with the same amount of unchecked power as Vladimir Putin or, worse yet, Joseph Stalin]: "Dear [President], we accept romantic appointments only from you."

We'd reveal more, but we want you to enjoy the New Yorker article for yourself. See the Nov. 3 issue for the rest.

Related:

Italian Model's Virginity For Sale (And For Only $1.5 Million!)

There She Is... The World's Most Beautiful Nun

Italian Prime Minister Hides--a Breast of--the Naked Truth Behind His Big Fat Head

Italy's Prime Minister Accused of "Pimping Out" Young Starlets

While You Were Sleeping: The Scientologists Planned Their Invasion of New York

Check Out The Top 10 Topless Socialists

Top 5 Sexiest Celebrity Costumes

British Airways Invites You To Join The Mile High Club

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 14:45:00 GMT

If this very angry wife is to be believed in her anonymous column in the Times, British Airways invited her husband and a total stranger to have sex in the first class section instead of, well, in the toilets.

It gets better...

In Part 1 of what we assume to be a three or four-part diary, a woman relates the story of how her husband started his affair by having sex with, as the wife puts it, "a 27-year-old blond." They met in coach, but were bumped when their loud conversation began to disturb the other passengers. (Oh, great, now everyone who reads this article is going to start shouting on an airplane just to get bumped to First Class.) It was there that they proceeded to have sex-- what, there was no one in First Class trying to sleep? Geez...

(If BA is the “World's Favourite Airline” then that flight must be the World's Most Misguidedly Accommodating.)

Anyway, oddly enough, the wife spends the rest of her diary attacking the woman in the slyest and most pathetic ways possible. The below lines are from her story of what happened after her husband gave the woman only his first name and the company he worked for:

So began an infatuated and obsessive affair that lasted several months and bloody nearly broke us before she was cast into the ether.
I also blame her because she turned out to be Miss Bunny Boiler, who was on a mission to get him, marry him and have his babies, whatever the cost. But I also blame Google. In the days before Google, sexwith a stranger on a plane could have gone no farther. A mere first name and an occupation would not have been enough even for the most determined Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction...

Wow... she just compared a harmless woman who fell for her husband to a fictional psychopath who boiled a little girl's rabbit alive and attempted to murder human beings. That seems fair.

It would have been a better thing if she had resisted the erotic charge of Googling my husband and left herself free to go off doing what she did best, namely whoring with other fantasists just panting to become members of the Mile High Club with a slut.

Why is the Times publishing this vindictive garbage? Clearly, this is one diary that should have been left locked up. However, if you'd like to read more of her diary, which includes virtually no attacks on the husband, click here.

Related:

Top 10 Places To Have Sex... This Week

Photo Essay: Revenge of the Cheated

While You Were Sleeping: The Facebook Firing

Today in WTF: PG Porn

No Surprise Here: Democrat Who Defeated Mark Foley Is A Perv

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 19:10:00 GMT

Tim Mahoney, who only won his Congressional seat because Mark Foley's name was still on the ballot, is already in danger of losing it because of his own boneheaded sex scandal...

As we reported earlier, Democratic Rep. Tim Mahoney, who defeated "Mark Foley" (another Republican would have taken Foley's seat had folen been re-elected) in 2006, is rumored to have cheated on his wife on multiple occasions... with a staff member. Oh, but it gets way better...

1) Mahoney, a married man, was campaigning on an ethics platform in 2006 when he met Patricia Allen and began having an affair with her.

2) When Allen recently discovered that Mahoney was having sex with other women (other than his wife, that is), she threatened to sue his dumb ass.

3) Mahoney agreed to pay the woman $121,000 to go away. Plus, he threw in a guarantee of two years of a $50,000 annual salary at an ad agency that was involved in his campaign.

4) When all this hit the press, Mahoney staffers denied it and said Allen resigned "of her own accord." Of course, they didn't comment on the allegations, all of which are (as yet) unproven.

Thanks a lot, Tim... Foley handed us the only chance we may ever have of turning that seat blue and you fumbled...

Photo via.

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: Mark Foley's Replacement's Sex Scandal

Junior High Teacher Charged With... Oh My...

Anyone Else Glad To See Criss Angel And/Or David Blaine Go Down Like A Punch To The Gut?

Girl, Molested By Teacher And Guidance Counselor, Is Kicked Out Of School

Police Officer Busted For Trading Speeding Ticket For Sex

While You Were Sleeping: Drunk Pregnant Ladies

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 13:50:00 GMT

Jeff Mangum, who wrote and performed the biggest cult indie album of all time, In The Aeroplane Over the Sea, returned to the stage but did not work up the nerve to do any of his own songs.

A raid in Tennessee netted 19 female prostitutes and two transvestites.

You heard what happened on South Park last week, right? Yeah, but did you hear about the show's ratings?

South Park beat George Lucas at his own pervy game Wednesday with its already-infamous "Indy rape" episode — the show's highest-rated fall premiere in nine years. Paradoxically, this must mean Indiana Jones 5 will be green-lit within the hour... [Defamer]

Not a fan of giraffes? You will be after this super cute photo spread?

Good news, everyone: Scotland has given you the okay to have a drink while pregnant.

Matthew Shepherd was murdered ten years ago Sunday.

John McCain, who vowed to "whip [Obama's] ass" at the third and final debate this Wednesday, has confirmed he will appear on David Letterman's show the following evening. Meanwhile, Sarah Palin's appearance on SNL is no longer a "done deal."

The national debt is freaking some people out. Especially when they see it (literally) growing before their eyes.

And the favorite face of tabloid readers is no longer Jennifer Aniston... it's Brad Pitt's former "other woman," seen above...

Ironically, Brad Pitt's former wife Jennifer Aniston, who topped the list in 2007, came in second. Jolie won in all Forbes categories - for sales, likability and most covers. [Starpulse]

Video of the Day: Dana Carvey Returns To TV

While You Were Sleeping: Angelina Jolie's Breastfeeding Cover

Top 5 Sex Scenes From Bad Movies

What's Wrong With This Picture... Of Her Hand?

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 19:11:00 GMT

When we ask you what's wrong with this picture of Sarah Palin's hand, we're not talking about the right one...

Check out her left hand in the below, after the jump photo. Does this mean something or do you think it, uh, got dropped somewhere along the way by accident?

She's not wearing her wedding ring. And according to one unconfirmed blog post (even we won't give that any credence), this isn't the first time in recent days she's been photographed without it. If she and Todd are breaking up, why would they do it now and why would they make it so obvious?

There's got to be another explanation, no? (Besides the perennial internet favorite: "it's a fake!") If not and Todd has had enough of her alleged cheating, say goodbye to a Palin Vice-Presidency...

Via 700WLW.

Related:

Gonzo Porn Director Slapped With 4 Years In Prison...

Sarah Palin Proves that Sparkles are Just as Important as...

How Sarah Palin Brought a Litte Heaven Into Our Lives

Today in WTF: Endorsed By...

Debate #3: It's Better To Fade Away Than To Burn Out

CNN Discovers Why Men Cheat (Gasp! It's About Their Feelings)

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 14:50:00 GMT

Second only to the New York Times for being last to figure out what's going on Planet Earth, the Cable News Network is not exactly known for breaking cultural news or actually telling us anything we don't already know. So it's no surprise that they've taken to publishing Oprah.com's columns on their website in lieu of doing their own fact-finding...

...and the results are predictable.

Among the shock revelations:

"It's not about blaming the wife. It can't be. I mean, cheating is ridiculous. It's wrong. And you can't justify it,"

Okay so far...

What's the number one reason men cheat? Ninety-two percent of men said it wasn't primarily about the sex.
"The majority said it was an emotional disconnection, specifically a sense of feeling underappreciated. A lack of thoughtful gestures..."

Like BJ's and letting him film your threesome.

Josh says he cheated on his wife, Jennifer, because he felt underappreciated at home and started feeling insecure. "That insecurity was really the catalyst," he says. "I didn't feel comfortable going to the one person in the world I should be going to, which is my wife."

We're sorry, but you were insecure? And Oprah is letting this guy get a free ride?! We're sorely disappointed.

Men have a winning mentality.

Except when they're cheating losers.

"Does he have ownership in the team? It looks like that. But as long as they're in the game, even to the very end, they'll watch. Once it's a blowout and they know their team can't win, television goes off. And what a lot of men will say to me through this research is, 'I just felt like I couldn't win.'"

A sports metaphor for talking about men? Please, go on for a few more paragraphs like this, it isn't tiresome or cliche at all...

For the first five years of his marriage, AJ says things were rocky with his wife, Janet. "We got to the point where we were really living in separate parts of the house. I went downstairs every time I came home from work..."

The Oprah guru goes on to say AJ eventually cheated on his wife. Honestly, we're not sure the word "cheated" is appropriate, though technically correct, in this case. You were living in separate wings of the house? Unless AJ is a cover for "William J. Clinton," we're pretty sure this guy's marriage was going to end anyway...

But maybe you have a different opinion. Hating on CNN and this stupid story? Not debatable, sorry.

Via CNN Living.

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: Mike Myers Is An Inglorious Bastard

This Week In Gayness: Guys Making Out On CNN

CNN Hasn't Been Getting Many Second Dates

Ladies, If You're Not In The Mood, CNN Is Here To Save You...

The Veep Deba(cle): Why Everybody Loses

Sloppy Seconds: Demi Moore And Her Boob Squirt

Reason #8,847 Not To Sleep With A Bali Hooker...

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 20:03:00 GMT

This is one of the most bizarre family custody cases we've ever heard about.

It involves a man, a hooker, a mom, a five-year-old girl, a series of judges, one STD... and, hopefully, a happy ending... no pun intended...

According to Strollerderby, this is the story of:

1) Man in Australia gets married, his wife has a five-year-old daughter. Daughter contracts an unnamed STD.

2) Wife leaves man, saying he cheated on her and gave the daughter the STD. But how did he give the daughter the STD?

3) Man tells judge: "Hey Judge, it was nothing more than this ol' pro I rented out on vacation in Bali." Judge says: "Suck it, I'm taking your daughter away." (Actual transcripts unavailable.)

4) Man tells appellate court judge, "Dude, I was serious about that ol' pro thing. I think I gave the undisclosed STD to my daughter via a towel we shared one day." Judge: "Yep, that sounds about right" and gives the man custody again.

5) The internets throw a shitfit:

That a judge would put a child back in the home of a suspected molester without being 100 percent certain is creepy enough. But so is the fact that a number of STDs could easily be passed to a child - even, according to reputable health sources, by a shared towel.

Innocent until proven guilty, people. Of course, the guy deserves at least some punishment for cheating with a hooker in a foreign country while he had a wife and family back home-- when are people going to realize that cheating has major consequences for those around them?

Via Strollerderby.

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: Lookin' For Asian Women

"I Seem To Have Forgotten To Bathe For Two Days"

Dear Margo Unsure What Sex Coupons Are

Women Get Away With Affairs Because of Their Expert Lying, Says Woman Who Got Away With An Affair With Future British Prime Minister

"I Seem To Have Forgotten To Bathe For Two Days"

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 15:47:00 GMT

The man who has been anointed to run the public schools in good ol' Miami-Dade County has just had his entire affair, in the form of raunchy e-mails, splashed across the front pages of everything from his local paper to Gawker.com.

Normally, we wouldn't make a big deal of a guy or gal having an affair, even if one of them is in Alberto Carvalho's esteemed position, but we'll make an exception for how perfectly insane these messages are...

Former Miami Herald reporter Tania deLuzuriaga, pictured above, now a 27-year-old staffer for the Boston Globe, met Carvalho when she was covering education for the Florida paper. Soon after, source and confidant got personal:

From: Tania
Subject line: “Fuzzy.”
“It occurred to me while I was riding that I seem to have forgotten to bathe the past two days. I also haven’t shaven since I left Miami. Thought you might like that image. If you say you’d still go down on me I’ll call you a liar. Hope your day is wonderful. I love you.”
Subject line: "Re: Fuzzy"
“Don’t shave. Wanna are it." [His Blackberry meant to say "Wanna see it," but this is way better.]

If you think that's TMI territory, wait'll you check out her next one:

“Will you be completely offended if I leap into your arms the next time I see you (place permitting)? Like in the movies, with arms and legs wrapped around. Like what I wanted to do Thursday and didn’t and when I said I wanted to you asked why I didn’t…love, love, love you xoxoxo.”

Oy vey... is this 44-year-old married man that much of a mess that he thinks a happy then-26-year-old who is naked in front of him doesn't want him? By the way, you might be wondering how all these e-mails leaked... and why... we're betting Carvalho's wife found them and went to the press just to humiliate him and gain the upper hand in a divorce proceeding. Or something else. What do you think?

Via Miami New Times. Photo by Jonathan Wiggs.

Lindsay Lohan and SamRo: Out, About, and on Love Line

Woman Gets Life For... Sex With A Five-Year-Old Boy?!

Motorcycle Party Features Screaming Orgasm Contest, Rampant Nudity

Today in WTF: Virtual Boob Groping

The Naked Lady Rides Again In Oregon

Ex-Teacher Argues Sex With Her Student Was Constitutional

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 16:27:00 GMT

A woman in Arkansas tried to have her felony sexual assault case thrown out of court by saying that she was perfectly within her Constitutional Rights to have sex with a male student. The court, however, has ruled otherwise and the case is proceeding according to the prosecutor's wishes.

No big deal, right? Wrong.

It turns out, the boy who she slept with (three times in one night, woo hoo!) was 18. Because he was her actual student, however, Melissa Monroe is charged with second degree sexual assault and providing alcohol for a minor. The unnamed male allegedly turned 18 that very day (wow-- to get it on three times with your hot teacher in her and her husband's bed, while drinking beer, on your eighteenth birthday? Almost as good as what we did on our 18th... but that's another story.) Nonetheless, state law mandates she be charged because of her status as a teacher.

One more thing: when are these teachers going to learn not to text about their relationships with students?

The young man went to her house on a January evening while her husband was out of town, according to a probable cause affidavit submitted by Detective Mark Jordan. The boy later told police they had sex and he stayed the night.
Monroe sent a text message to a fellow teacher at 7:30 p.m. Feb. 14 that read, "Help! I've made the worst decision of my life. And I don't know what to do." Monroe said that January night she was drinking and texting with a student. She said the student wanted to come over but she told him no. Eventually, he came over and they had sex three times.

The fellow teacher guessed which student.

Later that evening, Monroe texted, "You don't hate me do you?" and "At least he was legal. Haha," the affidavit says. [Dumbass Daily]

Ennhhh-- wrong! We're not sure what kind of jail time Monroe is looking at for her flub (maybe none), but she must really be kicking herself now...

Via BadBadTeacher.

Teacher Forced To Resign After Students Find His Gay Profile

Principal Fired For Convincing Student To Run Away With Him (Oh, And He's Charged With Rape, Too)

Female Teacher's Aide Guilty of Sex with 16-Year-Old Female Student

Connecticut Teens Busted For Classroom BJ

Sloppy Seconds: "I Need Sex"

"Do That Little Cheerleader Move," NY State Assemblyman Tells Intern

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 16:46:00 GMT

A GOP-supporting blog in upstate New York is basically blackmailing an assembly member fighting a tough primary battle this month: they're releasing a slow trickle of the lawmaker's personal e-mails to an intern/lover, promising juicier ones the longer the guy stays in the race...

Titled "what i wish," the Democratic assemblyman's list included: ". . . that i could be painting your toenails right now . . . that i could see you do that little cheerleader move . . . that i could be your human lollipop . . . that i could take a shower in your shower with all that girly stuff."

The Assembly's Ethics Committee rushed behind closed doors yesterday to discuss sanctioning...

Sam Hoyt, (D-Buffalo) a married father of two has not denied he sent the above e-mail in 2003 to a 19-year-old intern, who, it seems, was working for a Republican officeholder.

Among the best we've seen so far:

-Original Message Follows----

From: <samhoyt@hotmail.com>
To: blueskies588@hotmail.com

Subject: RE:

Date: Tue, 09 Mar 2004 07:28:51 -0500

it was even better for me. ty for doing the bikini walk. i thought to myself as others were checking you out, she woke up next to me this morning!

----Original Message Follows----

From: <samhoyt@hotmail.com>

To: blueskies588@hotmail.com

Subject: Re: what i wish...

Date: Sun, 02 Nov 2003 15:53:22 -0500

that neither one of ever experienced that feeling in our stomach...
that our relationship was not as complicated as it is...
that i could be with you at will...
that I could be painting your toenails right now...
that i could be cuddled with you on the bed reading you the newspaper...
that i was driving to Albany as i write this...
that we could be tangled right now...
that i could be kissing you right now telling you how much i dig my blueskies...
that i could see you do that little cheerleader move...
that i could take a nap with you...
that i could enjoy one of my favorite things, going to sleep next to
you and waking up next to you...
that you could be my human alarm clock...
that i could be your human lollipop...
that i could have you in my arms and tell you how beautiful and sexy you are
(because you don't believe it yourself)...
that i could be modeling my cool penguin boxers for you tonight...
that you could tell me i am yummy (i love that)...
that i could tell you in person that no woman has ever done for me
physically what you do for me....
that i could take a shower in your shower with all that girly stuff....
that i could see your ducks...
that we could eat tai food together...
that you could model for me your halloween costume (sounded so sexy)...
that i could find you a pemanent parking space...
that i could be rubbing hot oil on your back and then lying on top of
you sliding around and kissing your neck...
that i could see your cute smile and beautiful eyes....
that i could be kissing that perfect stomach of yours...
that i could be doing the crossword puzzle with my muse...
and so much more...
please do not be upset with me sweetie. i miss you so much. xoxo

From: <blueskies588@hotmail.com>

To: samhoyt@hotmail.com

Date: Sun, 20 Jun 2004 10:10:10 - 0300

"You F.....g scumbag liar...I knew you were f.....g around...how many girls do you have exactly??? I hate you. I knew you were lying, but I was so stupid...you scumbag...f...k off...leave me alone and go be with your other girlfriends...her...and who else...Ali...and who else??? All I asked of you was honesty....thats it..." ###

Although he does not deny these e-mails are his, Hoyt denies his relationships with these (apparently) multiple girls did not violate ethics rules barring fraternization. Let us be not the first to say: ass. face.

Via PoliticsNy.net.

"Please Have An Affair With My Husband"

Women Get Away With Affairs Because of Their Expert Lying...

New York Governor Admits Affair. (Yes, the New One.)

Scanner Roundtable: What Counts As Cheating?

Engagement Party Ends In Cheating, Beating, Arrest, No Makeup Sex

Dear Margo Unsure What Sex Coupons Are

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 15:15:00 GMT

DEAR MARGO: I found a sexually explicit card and sex coupons from my husband's lover. He insists nothing went on and that it was just a fluke that he received such cards and coupons. If I can't get him to tell me what went on, is it OK to go after the "other woman" and get her to give me some details? I want to work through things to save my marriage, but I need to know what happened in order to do so.

The woman who wrote in to Dear Margo this week signs her letter "AT A LOSS FOR WORDS." We're unable to speak, as well... from laughing. Here's Margo's response:

DEAR AT: Forgive me, but I am unfamiliar with "sex coupons." My best guess is they are like the ones for the supermarket, only you redeem them for ... well, never mind.

The rest of her response is classy snark, but she fails to seize upon the insanity of the situation. This woman's husband is cheating on her-- clearly. We don't need a public confession, John Edwards-style, to come to the conclusion that he's no good. It's called "a gut feeling." Margo suggests therapy or "hasta la vista" but the problem is, he won't admit to the affair. There's no couples therapy in that situation-- it's either he confesses and you work it out (we're assuming you say "you're never to see or speak to this woman again") or you dump his ass at once. No exceptions.

Ladies-- don't ever give guys an out like "therapy" when he won't even admit that there's a problem beforehand. DTMFA, as another advice columnist would say...

Via Yahoo.