Scanner : elections

Hey Everyone, Let's Join the Sex Party

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 13 May 2009 17:20:00 GMT

In November, right after the American Presidential election, we brought you word of an emerging (but subsequently little-noticed) political party in Australia: The Sex Party. Here's what we said:

In response to "moral campaigners and prudish politicians," Australia's open-minded citizens have decided to strike back.
On Thursday, the Great Down Under will announce the only political news worth reporting on: the launch of the fortunately-named Australian Sex Party. And no, it's not that key-exchange game your Mom told you about.

This week, Canada got in on that action with its very own-- and rather different-- Sex Party...

Although they were resoundly defeated in yesterday's parliamentary elections-- as if anyone knew they would be on the ballot-- the Sex Party of British Columbia has only just begun to (fuck or) fight. They have launched a real publicity blitz that is gaining national and, ultimately, worldwide attention, starting with its catchy slogan: "Sex is good. Let's make it better!"

"We're not running to get elected. Obviously it's impossible, especially in a first-past-the-post system that discriminates against small parties," said John Ince, a Vancouver sex shop owner and leader of the Sex Party.
The party's platform touts the benefits of a healthy sex life for personal growth and the betterment of society.
It proposes revamping the provincial education program to gradually encourage students' sexual activity, whereby extensive sexual experimentation would precede first intercourse.
Teens would learn the basics of healthy and satisfying sexual liaisons, such as trust, emotional intimacy, relaxation and verbal communication. They would be offered courses in erotic massage, and taught not to discriminate against gays or lesbians.
Furthermore, the Sex Party would require that all public parks and beaches larger than one hectare (2.5 acres) be designated areas for nudists in a bid "to normalize all parts of the human body and de-stigmatize human sexual organs."

Can you imagine that ever passing here in the next 500 years? Central Park overrun by nudists-- meaning, besides that "nudists" who walk up to you and expose themselves? Never gonna happen... but stranger things have happened in Canada and we'd certainly vote for a Sex Party candidate if we could...

It promises to make it easier for the elderly living in long-term care facilities to have sex, for example, by instituting training for "specialized sexual care nurses."
"Other politicians don't want to discuss these kinds of issues. It's very scary to them," commented Scarlett Lake. The former exotic dancer who now owns an escort service is one of three Sex Party candidates in this election.
She proposes changing Victoria Day, a statutory holiday in Canada that celebrates the birthday of Queen Victoria, who reigned during an era of prudery in Britain, to "Eros Day" for the Greek mythological god of lust and intercourse.

"Specialized sexual care nurses" as part of its platform... ex-strippers/escort Madams-turned candidates... making Victoria Day the Crazy Lust and Greek Sex Orgy day... all that is bound to garner a few token votes. Unfortunately, for now, that's all they're likely to get...

This photo of John Ince, the group's founder, is just begging for a "Caption This."

Via AFP.

Related:

Introducing the Australian Sex Party...

Way to F Up the Swingers Party, Dude

A New Book About Sex, Geared For Toddlers And Up

Playboy Mansion Visit Not Enough Incentive For Stoned Teenage Boys Anymore

Italy's Long National Nightmare Is Finally Over...

Wacko Right-Wing Politician Hit With Nude Photo Scandal

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 16:02:00 GMT

Pauline Hanson has railed against an "Asian invasion" in Australia, been to jail for electoral fraud, appeared on Dancing With the Stars, and made a strong political comeback, all over the course of a relatively brief career.

Now, Hanson's bid "as an independent at the upcoming 2009 Queensland state election" may be in jeopardy after a series of nude and raunchy photos have surfaced...

When Hanson was 19, she posed for another teenager who she fell for thanks to his awesome Harley Davidson motorcycle. At least, that's what her now ex-boyfriend told the Australian papers that originally published these photos. At some point, he convinced her to pose for his camera:

Unfortunately, these censored pics are the only ones released by the media.

Two things: one, this girl looks older than 19 and two, how can we be sure this is her? Hanson denies it, flat out, although that's the obvious talking point for a right-wing politician. The publisher of the original photos claims that his paper did "a very, very extensive checking process which... involves stripping out colours, looking at the pixel count in images. These images are not doctored. They are not fakes, it's not her head stuck on somebody else's body."

While the model may be entirely human, how do we know the model is Pauline Hanson?

Australia's major political parties could care less-- they were in unanimous agreement that the photos will not affect this weekend's election...

Read more about this story here.

Related:

Ex-Detroit Mayor Gets All Sexy With the Texts

Germany's Biggest Sex Scandal Comes To A Sudden End

Here's A Kind of Teacher Sex Story We've Never Seen Before

Someone Tell These Cheerleaders They Don't Need to Try So Hard

Caption This: Bill and Hillary Ring in the New Year

Emily Farris — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 15:51:00 GMT

[Image]

While You Were Sleeping: The No Pants Ride

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 14:09:00 GMT

Idiots are already out with 2012 Presidential election polls. Thankfully, we have 2004 predictions to show you the futility of these fact-finding missions: Rudy Guiliani defeats John Kerry or John Edwards or Hillary Clinton in the 2008 race to the White House.

Meanwhile, the Electoral College named Barack Obama as the President-elect and Kerry is the new head of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee.

A major movie star from the past has turned to blogging to amuse himself...

Post Election
Current mood: hopeful

As you know, I urged the young people to vote. And I'm so gratified that we had the largest number of young people voting that we've ever had. Of course, I was careful not to sway their votes. But I must admit, I'm very happy that our country has made such a historical move. The world will be astounded that the United States has elected a black man to lead them. I never imagined that such an event would be possible during my lifetime. I think our country will now go on a course that permits us to work with other countries.

The comments that I received from other countries all tell me how much people have the same dreams and we must all work together in order to fulfill those dreams.

...so says Kirk Douglas on his MySpace page.

Anthony Pellicano received a whopping 15-year prison sentence.

This interview with Jon Hamm by our Bearded Man of (Last) Week is goddamned funny as hell.

The latest victims of the economic downturn: Marines and the kids they give gifts to.

That Follieri Guy, Anne Hathaway's most recent terrible boyfriend choice, owes $3.6 mil.

And the next No Pants Subway Ride in New York City is January 10th.

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: The 69-Year-Old Pinup Dude

Award Season Kicked into Gear, Critics Choose

While You Were Sleeping: Emma Watson To Get Naked?

Sloppy Seconds: Frisky's Ten Best Male Nude Scenes List

The 50 Sexiest Movies of All-Time: 30-21

Is The GOP Over Yet? A New Poll Seems To Think So...

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 21:06:00 GMT

More than six in ten Americans have an unfavorable view of the Grand Old Party, according to a Gallup poll released today.

But that's not even the worst part of the survey, which should have Republicans scrambling faster than the Dems did after getting trounced in 2004...

One thing the party has largely avoided, to much unity and success, is a clear image, set of goals, and ideology. Not so anymore, according to CNN's reading of the Gallup numbers:

As the debate rages within GOP ranks over where to take the party, the poll might offer some guidance.

Most Republicans — 59 percent — want the party to become more conservative, according to the poll. Another 28 percent want it to remain about the same ideologically, while only 12 percent would prefer to see the Republican Party become less conservative.

Independents are split on whether the party should track left or right: 35 percent of independent voters say the GOP should become more conservative, and 35 percent say less conservative.

Not only are independents evenly divided on what it would take to rope them into the fold, the party itself isn't holding it together either: while the country and the newest generation of voters want the country moving to the left on Iraq, gay marriage, healthcare, and so on, Republicans want to-- forgive the expression-- cling to guns and religion. (And making abortion a top issue, which won't go over well with us youth types, either...)

What do you think? Can the GOP bounce back? Will a faltering economy doom Democrats in 2010 and bring back a Republican movement?

Via CNN.

Related:

Who Will Be Time's Person of the Year?

The Election Is Over... And Now The Truth Comes Out

While You Were Sleeping: Jennifer Aniston's Big News

The Election Is Over... And Now The Truth Comes Out

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 16:14:00 GMT

Sarah Palin doesn't know what countries are in North America. She can't name the countries that belong to NAFTA and she thinks Africa is a country, not a continent. Nor could she name most of the countries in North Africa. It's frightening to imagine how close this woman came to being second-in-command of the United States.

Here's a rundown of all the stories the McCain campaign is leaking about Sarah Palin in an effort to a) pin the blame on someone on b) to doom her 2012 chances, because God knows, even GOPers want nothing to do with this person...

1) Palin spent thousands of dollars more on her clothes-spending spree than was reported. She also charged some of the purchases to credit cards owned by staffers, who have not been reimbursed. One scorned aide quipped that it was "Wasilla hillbillies looting Neiman Marcus from coast to coast," while another claims the real horrors will emerge once the RNC runs an audit. McCain, meanwhile, was kept in the dark about the real details, staffers claim, since he would surely have been offended by Palin's greed.

2) Steve Schmidt, the man who proposed Palin for VP, was the one who turned down her request to give a concession speech on Election Night. It's amazing to us that this Governor and national figure had no idea Vice Presidential candidates never make concession speeches.

3) Palin refused to prep for the Katie Couric interview, did not know that Africa is a continent, could not name the countries of North America or the ones belonging to NAFTA, and on and on.

4) Palin decided to go after the William Ayers issue without approval from the campaign's top people. McCain reportedly wanted nothing to do with the Ayers, Wright, and other "smear" angles-- so good for him.

5) To top it all off, Palin greeted McCain advisers in only a towel, telling the visitors they should hang out with Todd, whom Newsweek calls "laconic," while she prepared herself.

Meanwhile, the truth about McCain's inner circle emerges as well:

1) McCain's advisers got together prior to the final debate and agreed the election was over but that they shouldn't tell their candidate that.

2) McCain still doesn't understand why one of his heroes, John Lewis, went after him publicly.

And other interesting tidbits, according to Newsweek, about Obama:

1) He considered the debate format a terrible environment in which to personally shine as a candidate, even taking a dig at Brian Williams for his "dumb" global warming question.

2) Obama's team shot down all of his arguments for considering Hillary as VP. Meanwhile, as we already knew, McCain and Clinton talked on the phone earlier in the campaign because they were so chummy, another reason to make the Obama campaign nervous.

3) During the period of unrest at Palin-McCain rallies, the Secret Service warned the Obamas about an uptick in death threats and other eerie warnings. "Why would they try to make people hate us?" Michelle asked. Welcome to Republican campaign tactics, Madame First Lady.

See more expanded versions of these at the Newsweek site.

New World Resolutions

The Election Ain't Over Yet...

Top 10 Reasons To Vote For Obama

Real or Fake? Nude Photos of Obama's Mother

The Sarah Palin Porno... Revealed

Gonzo Porn Director Slapped With 4 Years In Prison By Un-American Tampa Court

Liveblogging The Vote: An Open Thread

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 20:49:00 GMT

Help us liveblog today's election by e-mailing us anything interesting you come across today on the campaign trail or at the polls, where you will likely be for your entire eight hour workday, waiting to find out they never updated your registration. Whoops.

Seriously, we'll be updating this post (after the jump) throughout the day with anything we hear (hell, even if it's complete nonsense) about Election 2008: from unreliable exit polls to bizarre and outlandish cases of voting problems and outright fraud...

1:20am:

1) Voting problems: Well over 800,000 complaints so far. And that was yesterday's total.

2: Polls: In 2004, this was John Zogby's prediction on Election Day morn: "Kerry 311, Bush 213, 14 up for grabs. Bush wins popular vote." Guess we might want to rethink these polling things...

3) Share your voting experiences with the Huffington Post. Some of the experiences already up in the comments section are pretty interesting.

4) New York: If you haven't voted yet, know your rights, just in case you end up like Scanner Emily and can't vote. We'll have information on other states when and if we can locate reliable expert information.

2:17am:

If you hadn't heard already, Obama's grandmother did indeed pass away yesterday. She did, however, get to vote for her grandson for the first and only time.

6:39am:

A friend e-mails that his brother in New Jersey is reporting that there are already long lines at his tiny, heavily-Caucasian neighborhood polling site. "If there are lines in white neighborhoods maybe we'll get enough machines for once (and a national holiday!) in the next election."

9:47am:

From Jezebel: shots on long lines in Queens and New York's Lower East side.

Facebook has an Election Page that is updating in real time. 747,164.

And now for some comic relief: Gina Gershon as Sarah Palin in a new video.

9:52am:

Mark Salter, a senior McCain campaign aide, told the Wall Street Journal he is using crystal meth to get through today. Of course, mainstream media outlets picking up the story neglect to mention he's probably joking.

10:06am:

Talk about small towns: apparently, the South Side of Chicago is one of them, with this revelation from ABC News: "Among the other voters who have shown up to vote at Shoesmith Elementary School this morning, where Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill., will vote: Louis Farrakhan and William Ayers."

10:10am:

2004 much? "Voting machines were breaking down or simply not deployed in adequate numbers in some polling places," says CNN. "Long lines were seen in rainy Richmond, Virginia, where Henrico County switched to paper ballots at the Math and Science Center after five of seven machines broke down." Phew-- at least Henrico County had the sense to allow for paper ballots, unlike some idiotic states.

10:12am:

"If I have to choose between a douche and a turd, I don't see the point," says Stan from South Park. Clip here.

10:16am:

Yahoo! News reports: "More than 160 people were lined up to vote by the time polls opened at First Presbyterian Church in Allentown," Pennsylvania.

11:01am:

Political Wire says: "If Virginia is called quickly for Obama, it means he likely wins the presidential race and Democrats across the country will have a huge night. If it's not called early, it's could be an indication that white undecided voters are breaking to McCain. Prepare for an hour long discussion of the 'Bradley effect.' If Georgia or Indiana are called early for Obama, it's a leading indicator for a landslide." Meanwhile, Gawker's electoral map indicates McCain will likely be leading in the Electoral College until late in the evening (say, after 10pm) until the west coast starts to come in for Obama.

11:06am:

Conan voted!

The state of Florida claims its lines are only "20 minutes" long and that there are few reported problems. Have you heard different?

11:50am:

Trent Reznor weighs in. We're going to take a lunch break and go vote.

12:06pm:

The Obamas voted (in this video.)

1:02pm:

Just back from voting in Brooklyn. If it took 25 minutes to vote in a neighborhood like mine, I have to wonder how bad it must be getting in Ohio.

1:44pm:

Voting registration book problems in Kansas have been resolved, according to a CNN report.

Poll closing times: 7pm in Florida (for most polls), 7pm in New Hampshire (select cities are open till 8pm), at least 7pm in Oregon. More on poll closing times here.

3:40pm:

Back online after some technical problems. Joe the Plumber tried to vote but was denied because he was at the wrong polling location. Man, the McCain campaign can't do anything right, can it?

3:43pm:

A 109-year-old woman (hey, she's almost as old as McCain!), who is the daughter of a slave, was able to vote for Obama today.

3:48pm:

Let's update those poll closing times: 7:00: GA, IN, KY, SC, VT, VA; 7:30: NC, OH, WV; 8:00: AL, CT, DE, DC, FL, IL, ME, MD, MA, MI, MO, NH, NJ, OK, PA, TN; 8:30: AR; 9:00: AZ, CO, KS, LA, MI, MN, NE, NM, NY, ND, RI, SD, TX, WI, WY; 10:00: IA, MT, NV, UT, CA, HI, ID, OR, WA; 1:00am: AK. Most observers agree that if Obama wins IN and/or GA and VA early, this could be a blowout; otherwise, it could always go the other way, of course...

5:31pm:

Oddly enough, people are getting text messages telling them that, if they are Obama supporters, they should vote tomorrow because of long lines. Do Republicans really think their rivals are that dumb? (The answer: yes and some of them probably fell for it.)

Also, please don't send us any exit polling data. It's all junk anyway and we'll know within two hours or say anyway. Political Wire claims it will have results starting at 6pm easter-- link here.

5:34pm:

It might end up being an epic night regardless of the outcome, since it appears high turnout could delay the results. 1,000 voters were reportedly in line at a single polling site-- and this in Detroit, Michigan, which McCain has already conceded.

5:39pm:

Voted yet? It's not too late to throw your support behind... Lando Calrissian?

5:40pm:

Reports indicate Obama is making a last-minute effort to turn Indiana blue. We'll know in just a few short hours whether it was enough to turn the tide there. Can you believe we'll have actual hard date in under 90 minutes? So weird to watch the campaign to a screeching halt after so many months of incessant politicking.

Related:

Election Nightmare Video Scarier Than Saw V, For Sure

Vote Girl: Disenfranchised

Playboy's Presidential Sex Quiz A Welcome Distraction...

Video of the Day: The Mourning After

Top 10 Reasons To Vote For Obama

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 19:00:00 GMT

For a while, we tried to remain balanced, nitpicking each party's candidates with snarky attacks.

Then John McCain's campaign took a horrendous turn. It wasn't just on the strategic end, although that's what doomed him; rather, there seemed to be a point where he said, "I used to be the type who didn't stoop so low. Now I realize I can't win any other way" or "I want to win so badly I have temporarily lost control of my convictions."

And that's where Obama stepped in.

Now, Obama's no saint, but the reason it was so hard to trash him throughout this campaign is that he made few glaring missteps. Even the missteps the media reported on were exaggerated or the work of some other member of the campaign (yeah, we mean you, Joe Biden), and ultimately, we grew bored with covering the contest. It had been easy to pick on Clinton, Kucinich, Romney, and Bob Dole (man, we miss '96-- that dude was constant comedy.) But once Obama and McCain stepped into the ring this summer, all the drama seemed to fall away. It was like two fighters whose eyes sagged and their trainers had to slap them around: "Hey, go out and get 'em, it's not over yet!" But from then on, it was only potshots (William Ayers = yawn) and the usual droning putdowns ("see, this is a fundamental difference between blah blah blah...")

Ironically, just as everyone seemed to get terribly excited about the race, we lost all interest in it. And it wasn't just because Obama was on a clear path to victory. It just saddened us to watch McCain's desperation grow more and more pathetic and his rhetoric become more hollow with every "my friends" and "Joe the Plumber" reference. McCain entered the campaign as one of the most popular politicians in the country, with a near 70% national approval rating. He leaves it having done a complete 180-degree about-face into irrelevance.

Well, were there 10 examples enough in there? If not, here's our Top 10 Reasons To Vote For Barack Obama Today (assuming you haven't voted already and aren't able to have a Diebold machine and reverse your vote):

10. Obama has energized young people like never before. And studies show young people are better informed on the issues than the over 30 crowd.

9. Even Stephen Colbert had to sort of "break character" and endorse Obama. Yep, it was necessary.

8. A Missouri newspaper, which had called the civil rights marchers "Negro trash" in a front page headline in 1963, endorsed Barack Obama yesterday. If Obama can't help solve the still-lingering racial issues in our union, no one can.

7. After eight years of the worst President in American history, Ralph Nader would be welcome. But you know who wouldn't? A guy who promises to continue the policies of that worst President.

6. After eight years of the worst speaker in Presidential history, a guy who gets knocked for his "good speeches" by a Vice Presidential candidate who ~~doesn't even know what the fuck she's talking about~~ (excuse me, that was impolite) doesn't even know what a Vice President does is going to be much more tolerable.

5. Don't believe the McCain spin: Barack Obama is going to cut taxes on the middle class. He has to-- he knows that not only would conservatives call him on it, but liberals would be right there with them. He won't take away your guns either, unless you own rocket launchers and intend to use them.

4. Because he picked a gaffe-laden candidate with a good heart and the right experience to balance the ticket, while the other guy picked the very personification of a gaffe, a Governor with a thirst for vendettas, love of the worst kind of discourse, and relishes lying in a way that would warm the heart of Richard Nixon.

3. Healthcare for many Americans vs. healthcare for the rich. Social security vs. privitization. Tax cuts for the middle class or a soaring national debt. War in Iran vs. better diplomacy first. Hope vs. cynicism. Experience vs. Ineptness.

2. Sarah Palin. It bears repeating. There is little doubt she will be President before 2012 if McCain is elected. That alone would disqualify her ticket from getting a vote, no matter which party it comes from.

1. We need you. This is a personal plea from all of us. We don't care if you're in Nevada, Oregon, Montana, or here in New York, where Obama will "win anyway." You have nothing better to do today, and that includes eating, working, and using the restroom. That's no joke. And damn it, you get free Ben & Jerry's-- and since you have to vote to get it, it might as well be for someone who at least seems to care about us, no matter what else you think about him. The same can't be said for the other names on the ballot...

That is all. Now go.

Related:

Election Nightmare Video Scarier Than Saw V, For Sure

Crush of the Week: Jim Vokac

More Girls Say "Yes"

Vote Girl: Disenfranchised

McCain May Have Committed Vehicular Manslaughter in 1964

Top 10 Things Younger Than John McCain

Caption This: "The View" Gets Political

Emily Farris — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 13:53:00 GMT

The women of The View dressed up as U.S. Presidents for Friday's pre-recorded Halloween show. And, yeah, Elisabeth Hasselbeck is dressed as Ronald Reagan.

[Image]

While You Were Sleeping: The Third Iron Man

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 13:08:00 GMT

A while back, we told you about the man in Duncanville, Texas facing trial for operating a swingers club out of his home. He was convicted yesterday of misdemeanor charges that had accused him of operating a sex "business."

Now Playboy is selling off its art collection to help stay afloat.

An anonymous blogger for The Frisky talked about her labiaplasty:

My unruly butterfly wings—otherwise known as my labia—interfered with my sexual activities. Riding a bike for more than 15 minutes? Painful. Camel toe? Obvious. Intercourse? Lube did little to relieve all that smooshing, pulling, stretching, especially when condoms were involved.
And then there were the unsolicited anatomical editorials that I’d received over the years, ranging from the respectfully observant, “You’re very floral,” to the horrifying, “Damn, girl. You got a fat p***y!,” to the complimentary, “Actually, I like it full and lippy ... That’s my thing.”

Obnoxious jerks that we are, we thought only dudes had problems with bike seats. Meanwhile...

This is a very interesting rundown of Senate and Congressional races in the A through H states.

Britney Spears will have her financial and business affairs permanently overseen by Papa Spears.

Michael Caine and Scarlett Johansson will host the Nobel concert on December 11th, featuring Diana Ross, Feist and others.

The Iron Man crew is doing The Avengers as well? Then we're suddenly excited for that one...

And Steven Page of Barenaked Ladies fame is not going to have to do hard time.

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: The Madonna Marriage Meltdown

Robert Downey Jr. Used to Love Himself, Compulsively.

The MTV Movie Awards: More Entertaining Than We Wanted Them To Be

Swingers Vs. Nudists In Florida (Of Course)

Deep in the Heart of Texas, Swingers Make Lousy Neighbors

Sloppy Seconds: The Million-Dollar Strip Club Buy

BREAKING: McCain May Have Committed Vehicular Manslaughter in 1964

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 14:31:00 GMT

This could be akin to either a) CBS releasing fake George W. Bush AWOL documents or b) George W. Bush's drunk-driving arrest coming to light the last week of the election and causing him to lose the popular vote.

If it's true, in this case, it means the end of John McCain as a Presidential candidate...

From a Huffington Post e-mail blast at 10:23 this morning:

For the past two months, a major American magazine and an allied news service have been engaged in a legal battle with the United States Navy over records that they believe show that John McCain once was involved in an automobile accident that injured or, perhaps, killed another individual.

Vanity Fair magazine and the National Security News Service claim to have knowledge "developed from first-hand sources" of a car crash that involved then-Lt. McCain in 1964, according to legal filings. Lawyers for the NSNS allege that a cover-up may be at play.

Here's the full story from Sam Stein.

What do you think? Is this a trap to embarrass Obama somehow? A completely baseless rumor? Or do you think it's true?

Wired Magazine Tracking Real-Time Voter Fraud... So You Know Where To Not Vote

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 13:42:00 GMT

Pictures of "fraud" are boring... so we went with this one instead. Sue us.

Virginia, Georgia, Kentucky, New Mexico, Nevada and other early-voting states are already tilting the election toward Obama... as long as the machines register their votes, of course.

Seriously, though, this year we'll be able to watch our votes disappear in real time, thanks to Wired's awesome new interactive map...

You can check out the map here... when you do, note the following interesting complaints:

1) A voter in Chicago complains he was challenged by an inspector and asked for proof of residence at the poll.
2) Long lines at the North Miami Public Library.
3) Incorrect votes recorded in Nevada (people-- make sure to double-check your selections, it can't hurt to spend an extra thirty seconds in that booth.)

Also note the map is just getting underway... it will likely be chock full of chaos within the next week...

Have you voted yet? Let us know if you saw or experienced anything unusual, in the comments. ("There was a black man on the ballot!" does not count.)

Related:

If You're A Liberal And Terrified Your Vote Won't Count...

Debate #4: McCain Blinks, Misses His Chance

Yes Girls for Obama

Hayden Panettiere: "Don't F*ck With My Presidential Candidate"

What A Five-Year-Old Thinks Of The Election

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 15:57:00 GMT

Here are some highlights from Lisa Kern's recent piece on OpenSalon about her kids and their reactions to the debates and the politicking going on around them:

Son #3: “Mom, what’s a Republican?”
Me:          “It’s a member of one of the political parties in our country.”
Son #3: “Oh.”
Me:          “Why do you seem so sad?”
Son #3: “I thought it was one of the guys from Star Wars.”
On learning of loved ones' political differences:
Son #2:   “Mom! Guess what? My best friend is a Republican. What do I do now?”
On Sarah Palin, while watching the vice-presidential debate:
Son #3: “Gosh, Mom – She sure talks a lot. How does she BREATHE?”

Son #2: “Is she running for governor of Alaska?”
On Joe Biden, while watching the vice-presidential debate:
Son #3:   “That guy must brush his teeth a lot. He has the whitest teeth I’ve ever seen!”
On watching John McCain during the presidential debate:

Son #3:   “Why is he calling us his friends? We don’t even know him!”

More cuteness here.

Meanwhile, Cracked was thinking the same thing... but different: what a five-year-old thinks of an election, as drawn by an adult. It was a contest with a $50 prize-- here are our favorites of the 15 finalists:

See all 15 here.

And now, a three-year-old who is going to be one helluva campaign manager some day:

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: Watch Karl Rove Fight Off A Bunch of Hippies

Cop Fired For Drinking With Teens, Tasering Them For Laughs

While You Were Sleeping: David Duchovny Can't Keep It Together

Scandals Clinging To Sarah Palin Like Trig To Her Pantsuit

Thing #7,859 Not To F*ck: A Metal Rod

World's Greatest Mom Defends Daughter's Honor... Shotgun Style

Real or Fake? Nude Photos of Obama's Mother

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 13:08:00 GMT

We're serious-- these could actually be real, although one blogger has an interesting theory that would cancel out that possibility.

Of course, the real question is: why are we seeing these photos now, less than two weeks till Election Day? Could this be some sort of ruse by the Right, now that the Ayers-Socialism-Muslim smear campaign has obviously failed? We found this on a radical right-wing website that claims Islamofascists and left-wingers are one and the same:

It's amazing what there is on the internet. A geneological researcher has emailed me with three pictures of Obama's mother in the nude. That would be of trivial interest except for the setting in which the picures were taken. They were clearly taken in a sophisticated mid-century apartment and my correspondent suggests that the apartment details could be used to identify the photographer. He feels that the photographer is the Communist "Frank" whom Obama mentions as his mentor. That Frank was so intimate with Obama's mother would support the contention that Frank was in fact Obama's father. Various bloggers have pointed out how similar Obama looks to "Frank" and the coverup of Obama's birth certificate is certainly very suspicious...

Yep, these people will say anything to drag Obama through the mud (since they can't win on things like issues, facts, and reality)... and apparently they'll take as fact what "a geneological [sic] researcher" e-mailed them. Groovy.

One Google blogger ("Anna") disagrees:

Sorry, I just don't see it. For one thing Obama's mother always wore her hair long and the woman in the photos had short hair. I think
they are barking up the wrong tree here which is so sad because there are so so many right trees that they have available to them.

Ah... yeah... there's so much else they can hit Obama on... such as... uh... that he once shook hands with a guy at a rally who did time for unpaid parking tickets. Terrorist!

Anyway, back to the photos... here's one. Compare it to the one at the top left and decide for yourself...

Her face kinda looks photoshopped here, so we're going to call bullshit where no one else is. That's a shame, too, because someone needs to call these despicable right-wingers out on this continued nonsense-- guys and dolls, if you have to resort to disgracing somebody's mother in order to win an election, it's time to admit you may been on the wrong side of the aisle...

Here and here are the other pictures. We don't have the heart to post them.

Related:

Who Would You Rather? Rachelle Leah vs. Stacey Dash Playboy Spreads

The Sarah Palin Porno... Revealed

Leryn Franco Makes Up For Missing Out On The Whole "Nude Olympians Craze"

Teenage Boy Busted For Receiving A Nude Picture Message

Hot or Not: The Lily Cole Playboy Cover?

Mom Sent 12,000+ Texts To Her Daughter's Ex-Boyfriend... Then Tried To Blackmail Him

Obama and McCain Supporters Bring Out the Worst In All of Us

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 18:08:00 GMT

It seems that Republicans are so desperate to win they'll cheat and Democrats are so scared of any potential cheating that they will try to head off a "stolen" election with a few semi-legal or even illegal tactics of their own...

Here's today's insane roundup... scary, scary stuff... it's enough to make you think Bob Barr might pull it off after all...

1) Absentee voters in upstate New York were mailed ballots listing Barack's last name as "Osama".

The Democratic commissioner apologized profusely, stating that it was merely a typo and that three proofreaders somehow missed it! What other words did they have to check? "Vote" and "fill in one of these bubbles, morons?" Come on, this is just rigoddamneddiculous.

2) FoxNews thinks it has uncovered a case of voter fraud in Ohio. A pair of newlywed Obama supporters have been picking homeless people up and shuttling them to the early-voting polls, where they are allowed to register and vote on the spot, even without proof of residence. Power to the homeless, we say, but Fox disagrees:

Volunteers supporting Barack Obama picked up hundreds of people at homeless shelters, soup kitchens and drug-rehab centers and drove them to a polling place yesterday on the last day that Ohioans could register and vote on the same day, almost no questions asked. [Gasp! You mean they didn't ask them anything beyond "are you registered to vote?" and "okay, can you fill this out?" Oh my God! This may be totally illegal-- letting residents of a state who have lost their homes cast ballots anyway!]

Republicans have argued that the window could lead to widespread voter fraud because officials wouldn't have an opportunity to verify registration information before ballots were cast. [Fox]

3) A man was shot in the face, ostensibly for wearing a racially-charged t-shirt. The shirt? Pro-Obama. The shooter? Reportedly made racist comments at the scene of the shooting. The story here? The shooting was in South London.

If you hear any more evidence of voter fraud (besides the usual federal-law-violating voter purges within 90 days of an election, which is going on as we speak), let us know in the comments section.

Related:

Debate #3: It's Better To Fade Away Than To Burn Out

While You Were Sleeping: Amy Winehouse's Scientology Cure

Boobs for Barack

Let's Take A Look-See At The Ol' Electoral Map...

The Veep Deba(cle): Why Everybody Loses

While You Were Sleeping: Colbert '08 Is On Again

While You Were Sleeping: Oh, Jeebus... Guess Who's Pregnant Again?

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 14:34:00 GMT

Remember the woman who was allegedly stuck to a toilet for a couple years? Her boyfriend, although charged with a host of crimes in the case, still has time to go out and win the lottery... twice.

We've been waiting for more, um, developments in this case, but nevermind: a Playboy pinup testified in Federal court in the semi-well-known "suitcase full of $800,000" trial.

We absolutely love Nick Nolte. He is a badass without even trying. Check out what he did yesterday:

Nick suffered from "minor smoke inhalation," after attempting to fight a fire with a garden hose at his Malibu home Tuesday, an inspector at the L.A. County Fire Department confirms...

The actor, 67, took action after an electrical malfunction started the blaze in his home office, inspector Ron Haralson told Us. The fire department responded at 11:34 a.m., as TMZ.com first reported.

He didn't run out of the house screaming for help-- he fought that fire until his already-tar-and-smoke-filled lungs couldn't take it anymore. Nice work.

If this is real, then McCain is doomed: one supporter(?) claims to have received a prepaid FedEx return envelope from the McCain campaign asking for a donation. This is either the most desperate fundraising pitch ever or the most ingenious... possibly both.

Speaking of McCain, did you enjoy Tom Brokaw last night? Check him out here, talking about previous electoral campaigns. Pretty interesting.

Cameron Diaz reveals why her relationships don't work out:

"I'm a spoiled brat."

And... well isn't this wonderful? Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant again.

Related:

Justin Timberlake: Bringing Matrimony Back?

Cameron Diaz Would Like To Date You... If You Meet Her Demands

While You Were Sleeping: The Tim Gunn Lawsuit

Cultural Clusterf*ck: Gossip Girl Meets 30 Rock

Anti-Teen Pregnancy Ad Proves PETA Doesn't Want Animals To Breed?

Gov. Declares Emergency: Man Stuck To A Port-A-Potty

Woman Takes Two Year Dump, Doesn't Get Dumped

Debate #3: It's Better To Fade Away Than To Burn Out

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 13:22:00 GMT

Maybe it would be better if Cranky McCrankypants just disappeared for a while, and reemerged a few days (or even a week or two) from now to swoop in with some brilliant attack ad that's effective and actually warranted, unlike everything else he's been for months.

Seriously, think about it: it worked for him after his staff began bailing on him in the primary runup; then he did some soul searching, stripped everything away that wasn't working, and bit by bit, built himself back into a winner and took the New Hampshire primary like a force of nature.

Because this "transcript," our memory of tonight's debate, shows you why his recent strategy/tactics aren't working for him...

TRANSLATED TRANSCRIPT:

McCain: Thank you, my friends. My friends, my friends always say to me, "When the conversation gets rough, my friends, and there is no Republican talking point that can get you out of one of those pesky 'questions' asked by fascist scoundrels like Katie Couric and Tom Brokaw, just switch the subject back to 'energy independence,' and talk about how our country should have independence from oversight by nuclear regulatory committees. My friends, this is the only way."

Obama: I need to resp--

Brokaw: You're not allowed to respond.

Obama: But-- but--

Brokaw: Back to you McCain before Obama embarrasses himself by continuing to break the rules of the debate and look like the whiner Sean Hannity knows he is. Senator McCain, can you explain to me why the Keating Five scandal was once called your greatest error, to paraphrase you, and is now referred to you as total batshit crazy talk?

McCain: Well, my friends, the Keating Four were my friends. My friends, I want to talk to you about energy independence...

Obama: Tom, Tom! Can I--

Brokaw: Let's go to another totally boring, irrelevant, and uninspiring, vetted audience member to ask the next question...

And so on, until we all vote Bob Barr... because this kind of debate just bores us to tears...

-2:01am, after Scanner alumnus Bobby Tisdale's debate watch party & subsequent Scanner Emily-book-release-celebration drinks

Related:

This Week In Gayness: Baton Twirlers Busted For "I Kissed A Girl"

Boobs for Barack

Today in WTF: Endorsed By...

Let's Take A Look-See At The Ol' Electoral Map...

The Veep Deba(cle): Why Everybody Loses

While You Were Sleeping: Don't Drink The Drinking Water, People

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 13:26:00 GMT

Poor Anne Hathaway, and we don't mean that in a mocking way: she had to hand over all the lovely jewels her ex gave her... because they were allegedly purchased with stolen funds. (We hate it when that happens.) Meanwhile, the suave gangster paramour of hers faces at least five years in prison and is still in jail, pending a million dollars' bond, and rumored to be working on a plea deal.

If you're a poll kind of person (we're kind of not), here are 19 new ones on the Presidential race. Quickly: McCain leads in Alabama, Georgia, Idaho, and Wyoming; Obama leads in Colorado, Michigan, and Pennsylvania; and they're tied in Nevada, North Carolina, and Ohio.

And who will be the surprise special guest during Michael Phelps' hosting of SNL this weekend?

According to People, Sen. Barack Obama will appear on Saturday Night Live this weekend. Olympic gold medalist Michael Phelps will be guest hosting the show.

Said an Obama spokesman: "The details of the sketch are still being worked out."

We hope it's funnier than the last one, which was super obvious and involved Halloween masks and his "surprise" appearance. Lame.

We're absolutely amazed that someone gave Mariah Carey another movie. Not that we don't like her or anything-- we're just stating the truth.

We still can't get over this story from yesterday's Sloppy Seconds (click here): Lauren Conrad has landed a book deal. Oh my God, what's next, a clothing line?!

And the scariest headline of the morning: Trace drugs found in water could affect 46 million

Headline that sounds scary but thankfully isn't: 9-Year-Old Girl Delivers Baby Brother

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: The Nightmare on Elm Street Remake

While You Were Sleeping: Jessica Alba's Bondage Ad

Sloppy Seconds: Kanye West's Arrest

Hey Rev. Jeremiah Wright: Your Sex Scandal Is Not Helping

While You Were Sleeping: Which TV Female Character Do You Wanna Be?

While You Were Sleeping: Minnie Driver Pops Out A Future Celebrity

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 13:46:00 GMT

It's primary day in some states, which means the phone sex lines are humming.

We'd like to think this idiot just failed in an attempt to get back at Oasis for all their pretentious snobbery, but he was probably just a drunken jackass who rushed the stage.

And you really, really need to see these photos of Anthony Bourdain in the prehistoric era known as the 1970s:

Amazing, right, that he still looks 30 years old at 16? Bourdain, ever a swell sport, writes a letter to the poster of these photographs:

Vengeance will be mine, Ruhlman. I have employed a most excellent and reputable firm of Venetian detectives who assure me that the photos of you--at the Kajagoogoo concert, 1986, will soon be in my hands.They tell me as well that that infommercial you made with Suzanne Sommers? Copies STILL exist.

My hopes for political office have been ruined, Ruhlman. And for this, you will pay a truly terrible price.

Any Jews out there? asks the town of Dothan, Alabama. No need to hide, the residents just want to talk to you... and offer you $50,000 for moving to the Bible Belt. Seriously. What could you lose?

Larry Blumberg is looking for a few good Jews to move to [Alabama.] Blumberg is chairman of an organization offering Jewish families as much as $50,000 to relocate to Dothan, an overwhelmingly Christian town of 58,000 that calls itself the Peanut Capital of the World. Get involved at Temple Emanu-El and stay at least five years, the group's leaders say, and the money doesn't have to be repaid.
More Jews are living in the South than ever — about 386,000 at last count in 2001... young Jews are leaving... in favor of cities like Atlanta and Birmingham, Rockoff said, and dozens of small-town synagogues have closed.

Basically, it's up to you. No pressure or anything.

Really, is there anything better than when Onion articles happen in real life? Then, today in Onion Come To Life: US Weekly spins off a highbrow version of its muckrag...

"Good Luck Sarah Palin" / "Death Race" were two sentences written back to back on an Alaskan movie theater marquee. Creepy...

And Minnie Driver gave birth to Henry Story Driver (she couldn't resist with the strange name, could she?) in LA. The instantly-famous little dude weighs nine pounds is infinitely cooler than us because he has a secret musician daddy, which we long ago revealed to be Eddie Izzard.

Sloppy Seconds: Half-Naked Woman At A Blue Jays Game

What'll Happen To Sarah Palin?

Who Would You Rather, Celebrity Chef Edition Part II: Bourdain vs. Colicchio

Sloppy Seconds: Teenage Jon Bon Jovi Could Help You Score an Eighth

"We Support George McCain For President"

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 16:32:00 GMT

For our last post about the RNC (thank The Lord Jesus That Watches Over Conservatives for that!), we wanted to show you a video that we think summarizes the feelings on the floor of the entire convention. Those feelings, conveniently, can be melted down to one line: some Republicans are staunch in their support of Bush and McCain, while others just wanted America to forget about Junior...

This video is one in which I, Scanner Brian, must, in the interest of full disclosure, admit I was participant (I got Dennis Hastert to say how much he loved Bush and McCain and to take a sticker-- he was by far the nicest GOP power player we met in the Twin Cities.)

We recommend watching it on YouTube in high quality, but it's not important. Anyway, don't miss the ending, in which Senator Norm Coleman is asked what his feelings are on the Bush legacy:

Q: I just want to know how you feel about the last eight years of George Bush.
A: Well, uh... bleheelyelylelyelyylellelelalalelela... [not an exact transcription]

Also, although it's not in this video, the woman who puts the sticker on her forehead was ultimately completely unable to say why she supported Bush (or McCain) and, in fact, called her husband on camera to ask him for her talking points. ("He says we don't believe in wealth redistribution." Genius.)

Via YouTube.

Trojan Girls Try To Get Republicans To Wear, Learn Uses Of Condoms

Politics Is Makin' Everybody S' Crazy!

Our Crazy RNC Photo Essay

Sloppy Seconds: Levi Johnston's New Tattoo

RNC Day Two: Eloquence No Substitution For A Record... Of Temper Tantrums

RNC Day One: Total Anarchy

Rumor: Obama About To Announce VP Choice

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 17:12:00 GMT

We are hearing stories that the state of Virginia held an emergency meeting because the whole state is about to be thrown into chaos following Obama's VP announcement...

A source inside the beltway informed me that high ranking officials throughout Virginia were recently summoned to the governor’s office for an emergency meeting which reportedly involved discussions on the line of succession if and when Kaine steps down to become Obama’s running mate.

The officials were mandated to leave an out-of-state conference and return to the state capitol in Richmond immediately.

Due to the confidential nature of the meeting, details are scarce but the source said that either Obama will choose Kaine, or Kaine was given the impression that he would be chosen.

Kaine, of course, says he couldn't believe he'd even be considered, "for a variety of reasons." Could the variety include the fact that Kaine dropped the ball when he gave the Democratic response to the 2006 State of the Union, which is the #1 Classic Example of Democrats being pitched an easy home run and bunting it down the third base line. The man is a Democrat in name only, brings nothing to the table except maybe a few thousands votes in Virginia (at best), and is next in line. He also long supported the Iraq War-- longer even than Hillary Clinton, who would somehow be a better choice.

Anyway, you can read more about the Kaine nod here or about his past here.

Related:

Freaky FAA Tapes Reveal Obama's Plane Nearly Crashed On July 7th

Survey Says: Obama Wins By Millions Of Votes, Loses Anyway

If The Election Were Today... Round Two

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 13:59:00 GMT

What is it about the Democrats that they don't learn from their history, and so, in 2008, appear doomed to repeat it?

According to Real Clear Politics and Politico, the electoral map has made what is potentially a seismic shift... to the right:

Let's assume for a second that they're wrong to give the exact-tie vote in Nevada to McCain and give it to Obama: that means the race is a mere 5-electoral votes apart, with McCain in the lead. Going into the Vice Presidential rundown and the conventions over the next two weeks, this is very bad news for Obama. He would need to have such a huge and, seeing that it's so late in the season, impossible bounce from his football-stadium acceptance speech to offset the following week's acceptance speech and post-convention bounce for McCain.

Or he could stop acting like John Kerry and Al Gore and go on the attack. He's started to, calling Bush "McCain's President" in a couple of recent speeches-- but that's old news to voters. If he went on the air and said, over and over, "McCain is unfit to lead-- he doesn't know the difference between Sunni and Shiite, he isn't sure what he wants to do about illegal immigration, etc. etc." and just pound McCain on the same things (experience and so forth) that McCain is hitting him on, Obama might just squeak by.

Otherwise... see above chart.

Via Politico.

Related:

If The Election Were Today... Round One

Republican To Steal Election For Obama By Running Against Him

Can We Ask? Might John McCain Be Section 8?

Video of the Day: McCain's Running Mate?

Obama Tells His Staff Not To Go Green

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 21:20:00 GMT

Barack Obama warned his staff not to wear green clothing if accompanying him on his current trip to the Middle East. And it's not because he's mad Al Gore won't be his Vice President...

An Obama aide explained to reporters that green is the color associated with the militant Palestinian group Hamas. But while the color does appear on Hamas banners, there is no particular symbolism to wearing green clothes, experts said.

Moreover, green is more generally seen as a symbol of Islam.

Many people believe this has less to do with Hamas than with discredited smears perpetuated by Obama's detractors that he is a practicing Muslim. Obama's campaign, like many Democrats, is choosing to bend over backwards to make sure their enemies have no ammunition rather than fight the lies.

“I’ve been to the Middle East with Secretaries of State and on my own, and I’ve never heard of anything like that,” said New York Sun national security reporter Eli Lake.

Hamas, the group that controls the Gaza Strip, flies a green flag, as do some other Islamist groups. But the color appears on a vast array of official symbols, including the Saudi flag. Jordan’s Queen Rania al-Abdullah has been pictured in green outfits. [Politico]

In other news from the campaign trail, the Republican candidate himself is giving the Democrats plenty of ammo to "smear" him with in some sort of hackneyed attempt at redirecting the media's attention toward him. Today it was reported that McCain referred to an "Iraq-Pakistan border," which does not exist. (He meant "Afghanistan," not Iraq.)

Just in the past three weeks, McCain has also mistaken "Somalia" for "Sudan," and even football’s Green Bay Packers for the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Ironically, the errors have been concentrated in what should be his area of expertise: foreign affairs.

The McCain campaign says Obama has had plenty of flubs of his own, including a reference to "57 states" and a string of misstated place names during the primaries that Republicans gleefully sent around as YouTube links.

Via Politico.

It's Time For Some Campaignin'

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 16:37:00 GMT

JibJab's latest video, skewering the '08 election...

New national polls show a crazy scenario: a third-party candidate is threatening to throw the election one way or another and even "safe" states from previous election cycles are in play. Sound familiar? It may happen again, people...

The latest Zogby poll indicates McCain holds a mere three-point lead in Texas, thanks to

Barr’s 6 percent and Nader’s 1 percent

The trick is... Nader didn't make the ballot in Texas. Whoops. Give that point to Obama (or not, it doesn't matter), and Texas is suddenly "Leans GOP" or even "Toss-Up." True, Obama only leads by 4 percent nationally (where even Al Gore commands a 7-point lead as the consensus candidate at the convention and Hillary Clinton is up by 8%), but percentages and national numbers are irrelevant, especially when he appears to take red states away from McCain, including Arizona, the Republican Senator's home state. (Side note: We seriously doubt Obama will win either, especially AZ. He would have to be winning those already, since he's enjoying a huge bounce right now, a bounce that will surely soften soon and tighten the race. A more realistic choice would be in another state entirely.)

Barr’s greatest impact this year might be in Georgia, where he is well-known and could draw a fair number of votes, especially as Obama works to ramp up support among the state’s sizable population of black voters, Buchanan said.
"Ordinarily, a Democrat can’t expect to do much good" in Georgia, Buchanan said. "But with Barr drawing off white Republicans, it could make a difference."

More on this story, via The Star-Telegram.

The Media Thinks It's Finally Figured Out Why Hillary Lost (Hint: It's Not The Media)

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 14:56:00 GMT

It isn't because of this t-shirt.

It isn't because of the Bosnia thing or Obamania or sexism. It isn't because of Geraldine Ferraro or Bill Clinton's dong. It isn't even because she chose a Celine Dion song to bring us into the next four years...

Gail Sheehy's devastating attack on the Hillary Clinton campaign (more so than on Hillary herself-- the article is mostly about how infighting led eventually to the sinking of the ship) in this month's Vanity Fair rehashes many of the rough memories from the primary. For the first time, however, we were ready to read the why's and how's without punching ourselves in the face over the idiocy of Howard Wolfson and Mark Penn, et al...

Sheehy's Reasons Why Hillary Lost (with our notes):

1) Hillary surrounded herself with "brilliant, egocentric, hypercompetitive men." These men were in their 50's and 60's, whereas Obama's staff was younger and were internet-driven-- that is, they were more in touch with the movement.

2) Sheehy comments: "Perversely, in my view, Hillary's chief strategist proved to be an old-fashioned sexist. Penn did not appreciate the strength of her character as a woman." She goes on to note that they tried to make her tough (an attempt to appeal to right-wing-leaning folks who saw her as a liberal do-nothing), then violated a cardinal rule by using her as "her own attack dog, never an appealing role, and one that Senator Obama's surrogates played for him." Plus, "Hillary's loyalists repeatedly challenged Obama's manhood, openly proclaiming to reporters that she was the only candidate with the testicular fortitude to be president."

3) Penn advised Hillary to be "as likable as possible." Somehow, she went from being the most popular person in the party, maybe even more so than her husband, to a symbol of the old, tired guard, willing to attack members of her own party without mercy if it meant winning. "'Now the fun part starts,' she said nonchalantly in December '07, referring to the chance to attack Obama's character. It was a 'cringe moment' for her later pollster, Geoff Garin."

4) Bill Clinton's inability to stay in the background and let the Senator run her own campaign did not help, especially when he veered off message and/or said things that were offensive to black people. Once again, it was men that helped doom Hillary.

5) Sheehy points out Hillary's 20-point lead in October, yet fails to blame that kind of media hype for Hillary's loss. Most supporters agree that the whole "inevitability" angle, pounded into our heads by pundits in the months prior to Iowa, made her loss there a more stunning blow. Had it been presented as a neck-and-neck race, Obama's victory in the first caucus state would have been seen as a squeaker and he may have received a smaller national bounce from it, thus allowing Hillary to snatch up some of the states he eventually did. But maybe not.

6) "Such was the hubris of Hillary's team that they discounted Obama as a passing pop star to non-voters." They also apparently forgot that people still want to read news about Britney Spears, of all people, more than a decade after she first came onto the scene. Think about it.

7) Her campaign spent too much money in Iowa. It "cost Clinton almost $25 million. After that, the Clintons were gun-shy to caucuses." As Joe Trippi points out, this lead to "Obama's entire delegate advantage... [which] is from the caucus states that she didn't contest."

So, just to be clear: Hillary Clinton lost because she picked the wrong team and ran on their wishes, wishes that she run on experience and come off as more hard-line than her opponents, that she appear inevitable, tried and true. It's her fault for not forcing a change in direction and it's their fault for not convincing her it was needed.

They'll be arguing this one for the ages, but if Hillary wants another shot at this, she best look at her own (hiring) decisions and keep these mistakes in mind for the next four years...

Video of the Day: How To Pretend To Care

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 20:10:00 GMT

It would be funny if it weren't all too true.

Safe for work, although if you work for a morning television show, you might not want to watch this with anyone around...

Why Did Jesse Jackson Attack Obama?

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 14:16:00 GMT

Why did Jesse Jackson break the rules that you don't attack your party's nominee with a nasty remark about Barack Obama?

Turns out, he was merely venting during a commercial interruption that he thought wasn't being broadcast/recorded.

During a break from taping "Fox & Friends" on Sunday, a fellow guest asked Jackson about speeches on morality Obama has given at black churches. Jackson said at a news conference Wednesday that he responded that Obama's speeches can come off as speaking down to black people and that there were other important issues to be addressed, such as unemployment, the mortgage crisis and the number of blacks in prison.
In September, The State newspaper in South Carolina reported that Jackson had said Obama was "acting like he's white" in his response to the arrest of six black juveniles in Jena, La. Jackson disputed the quote.

While we agreed that Obama should have shown more guts during the days of the Jena Six, we know that Obama isn't going to make everyone happy. There will always be people who want him to do everything for the country and do it all at once. This is unrealistic-- he only has so much time to win over middle-class voters, the centrists who make up "the swing vote." He can't spend all his time talking about one group's problems or what he will do for that one group while in office. Jackson, who would've never made these comments on the record, knows this-- he immediately apologized and pledged his continuing, unwavering support for Obama '08.

The real question is whether this division in the black community will come to the surface-- will more prominent members accuse Obama of "talking white," etc., and turn off previously energized African-Americans? Most pundits argue that it's actually Jackson that looks bad, whereas Obama comes off like a weird cousin of Bill Clinton following Clinton's attacks on Sistah Souljah:

"It will, be damaging to Jesse Jackson, particularly among African-American who are not going to forget what he said. Barack Obama is a unique figure; he is an African-American candidate for president. But he doesn't come out of the civil rights movement like Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton. There could be some resentment because of that. Maybe they feel he should be more deferential to them, pay more respect to his elders" [CNN]

Via Hotline on Call and the AP.

Is Obama Using the Gore-Kerry Playbook?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 13:37:00 GMT

There's no question Barack Obama has moved to the Right since clinching the Democratic nomination. On a variety of issues, as many of his critics (like Joe Lieberman) have pointed out, he's trying to pick up independents and other swing voters by trying to pass himself off as a centrist, a strategy that makes sense on the surface, but doomed both Al Gore and John Kerry to "flip flopping" square status, and could doom him as well...

Arianna Huffington and other liberal commentators have been attacking Obama for changing or at least appearing to modify his positions on many issues, including gun control. (Obama praised the Supreme Court's decision to overturn DC's handgun law.) Over the weekend, John McCain and the right wing got in on the action:

Barack Obama defended his position on the Iraq War on Thursday after saying he may "refine" his position to withdraw combat troops within his first 16 months in office if military officials said such a timeline is unsafe.

"When I go to Iraq and have a chance to talk to some of the commanders on the ground, I am sure I'll have more information and will continue to refine my policies," Sen. Obama told reporters during a press conference before an event with veterans. [WSJ]

...which sounds reasonable, until you remember how eagerly his opponents have been awaiting his first "flip flop" (hell, they' both already "flip-flopped" a bunch of times.) The critics saw their chance:

In a statement, [McCain] campaign spokesman Tucker Bounds said, "We are all absolutely committed to ending this war, but on Thursday Barack Obama's words indicated that he also shared John McCain's commitment to securing the peace beforehand. What's really puzzling is that Barack Obama still doesn't understand that his words matter."

In North Dakota on Thursday, Obama denied that he's shying away from his proposed 16-month phased withdrawal of all combat troops from Iraq, calling it "pure speculation" and adding that his "position has not changed." [CNN]

If The Election Were Today... Round One

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 12:55:00 GMT

This will be the first in a series of periodic updates on the electoral college, the only "polls" that matter. (Don't listen to any idiot media person who says "Obama is leading by ###" because it's totally irrelevant and a blatant lie most of the time, since those numbers usually come from a survey of "registered, likely voters" across the nation, which is different from the electoral college. Got it?)

Anyway, let's look at who's really ahead right now...

Dick Morris, ex-Clinton kingmaker and now right-wing operative and FoxNews buffoon, is the country's most consistent pollmaster. Here's what he has to say about the race, as it stands today. (By the way, you don't have to read all this; just scan and jump to the bottom if you'd like.)

STATE	VOTE	00, 04 RESULT	'08 PREDICTION
ALABAMA	EV 9	B,B	LEAN MCCAIN
ALASKA	EV 9	B,B	MCCAIN
ARIZONA	EV 10	B,B	MCCAIN
ARKANSAS	EV 6	B,B	LEAN MCCAIN
CALIFORNIA	EV 55	G,K	OBAMA
COLORADO	EV 9	B,B	TOSS UP
CONNECTICUT	EV 7	G,K	OBAMA
DELAWARE	EV 3	G,K	OBAMA
D.C.	EV 3	G,K	OBAMA
FLORIDA	EV 27	B,B	TOSS UP
GEORGIA	EV 15	B,B	LEAN MCCAIN
HAWAII	EV 4	G,B	LEAN OBAMA
IDAHO	EV 4	B,B	MCCAIN
ILLINOIS	EV 21	G,K	OBAMA
INDIANA	EV 11	B,B	MCCAIN
INDIANA	EV 11	B,B	MCCAIN
IOWA	EV 7	G,B	LEAN OBAMA
KANSAS	EV 6	B,B	MCCAIN
KENTUCKY	EV 8	B,B	MCCAIN
LOUISIANA	EV 9	B,B	MCCAIN
MAINE	EV 4	G,K	OBAMA
MARYLAND	EV 10	G,K	OBAMA
MASSACHUSETTS	EV 12	G,K	OBAMA
MICHIGAN	EV 17	G,K	LEAN OBAMA
MINNESOTA	EV 10	G,K	LEAN OBAMA
MISSISSIPPI	EV 6	B,B	LEAN MCCAIN
MISSOURI	EV 11	B,B	TOSS UP
MONTANA	EV 3	B,B	MCCAIN
NEBRASKA	EV 5	B,B	MCCAIN
NEVADA	EV 5	B,B	LEAN OBAMA
NEW HAMPSHIRE	EV 4	B,K	LEAN OBAMA
NEW JERSEY	EV 15	G,B	OBAMA
NEW MEXICO	EV 5	G,B	LEAN OBAMA
NEW YORK	EV 31	G,B	OBAMA
NORTH CAROLINA	EV 15	B,B	LEAN MCCAIN
NORTH DAKOTA	EV 3	B,B	MCCAIN
OHIO	EV 20	B,B	TOSS UP
OKLAHOMA	EV 7	B,B	MCCAIN
OREGON	EV 7	G,K	OBAMA
PENNSYLVANIA	EV 21	G,K	LEAN OBAMA
RHODE ISLAND	EV 4	G,K	OBAMA
SOUTH CAROLINA	EV 8	B,B	LEAN MCCAIN
SOUTH DAKOTA	EV 3	B,B	MCCAIN
TENNESSEE	EV 11	B,B	MCCAIN
TEXAS	EV 30	B,B	MCCAIN
UTAH	EV 5	B,B	MCCAIN
VERMONT	EV 3	G,K	OBAMA
VIRGINIA	EV 13	B,B	LEAN MCCAIN
WASHINGTON	EV 11	G,K	OBAMA
WEST VIRGINIA	EV 5	B,B	MCCAIN
WISCONSIN	EV 10	G,K	LEAN OBAMA
WYOMING	EV 3	B,B	MCCAIN

McCain Total = 202

LEAN MCAIN    = 72
MCCAIN          = 130

Obama Total = 269

OBAMA           = 186
LEAN OBAMA   = 83

TOSS UP      = 67

To make this easier, let's look at his "Toss Ups" and make some educated guesses to get our final tally.

COLORADO: Colorado is hosting the Democratic National Convention, which could both hurt and boost Obama's chances (for example, we recall a lot of Bush Republicans hating their candidate after their New York neighborhoods were turned upside down four years ago.) Nonetheless, let's give this one to Obama, since the state is moving toward the Democratic column in general. Obama +9.

FLORIDA: This one's easy, especially if McCain picks Governor Charlie Crist, as is our prediction. We give it to him anyway. McCain +27.

MISSOURI: McCain should win this one in a squeaker, although we'd love to see a competitive race in Missouri, which would give the state some much-needed financial attention. If the race were held today, we'd say: McCain +11.

OHIO: As in 2004, it's going to come down to Ohio. Obama and McCain both know this-- but how well do their campaigns? Kerry could've called in the UN Fraud Inspec-- nah, he wouldn't have the guts to do that, and it might've backfired. Anyway, we would put our money on Obama this time-- there is no Republican in power in the state that could send broken or insufficient numbers of voting machines to black (i.e. Democratic) neighborhoods to doom the Dem candidate. It's a popular Governor on the Blue Team this time around, and he'll make sure this fight is fair. That means Obama +20.

By this rationale:

MCCAIN WINS 240 ELECTORAL VOTES

OBAMA WINS 294 ELECTORAL VOTES

And if Ohio goes to McCain:

McCain wins 260 Electoral Votes

Obama wins 274 Electoral Votes

Wait, you're saying, I just contradicted myself. In a way, no-- as I said, it will come down to Ohio. Obama must win Ohio because he will most likely lose in at least one of the states we have given him. It's just too early in the race and he's coming off a huge bump in polling, following Hillary's withdrawal. In other words, bad news for McCain, although he knows that it's easier to pull ahead than to stay on top for four more months.

Via Dick Morris.

Bill Clinton To Obama: Kiss My Ass

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 14:00:00 GMT

Will Democratic disunity fade away or continue through Election Day, November 4th?

Bill Clinton, the sexiest, angriest President alive, allegedly told one of his advisors that...

Obama could "kiss my ass" in return for his support.

Whether he said those exact words or not is beside the point. Democrats have got to be worried about Clinton's silence following his wife's opponent's win-- without Clinton's full-fledged support, particularly during the convention, Obama will have an even harder road ahead than he already has. And with Bill Clinton's well-disclosed temper, he's not likely to easily accept defeat, put on a gracious smile, and give 100% to the campaign.

The Telegraph has learned that the former president's rage is still so great that even loyal allies are shocked by his patronising attitude to Mr Obama, and believe that he risks damaging his own reputation by his intransigence.

To be continued on that... but meanwhile, many voters are still upset with Hillary's loss and have taken to blogs and other sites to attack Obama. We always welcome deserved barbs that sting any politician, but we haven't seen anything out there that sticks-- for example, most remarks we saw were attacking the DNC for the Florida debacle, which made no difference in Obama's eventual victory anyway, not attacks on specific issues or comments Obama has made.

What is it about Obama that Clinton supporters who have gone to McCain (or are now uncommitted) don't like?

Via Telegraph.