Scanner : election 2008

Say What? Lindsay Lohan Uses The C-Word On Obama

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 19:50:00 GMT

Maybe we misheard her... but does Lindsay Lohan call Obama the "C-word?"

And not the C-word you use if you want to see us next Tuesday...

Check out this idiotic response (or is it a simple slip of the tongue) in an interview Lindsay gave to Access Hollywood. (Rumor has it that the interview continues and Lindsay discusses the whole Ugly Betty controversy, but we stopped watching after about ten seconds...)

Yep, that's definitely the C-word: "colored."

Via Access Hollywood.

Related:

Lindsay Lohan is in Love With a Woman But Not a Lesbian

While You Were Sleeping: Halloween Edition

Top 5 Sexiest Celebrity Costumes

Sloppy Seconds: The Evangelical Sex Craze

Sloppy Seconds: Paris Hilton Expands the Family Empire to Include Brothels

Video of the Day: That's So Gay PSA

Caption This: Palin Power

Emily Farris — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 20:21:00 GMT

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Scanner Survey: Did You Have Election Night Sex?

Emily Farris — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 18:54:00 GMT

Oh, come on. You know you want to tell us. We'll start: No, we did not (though we cannot speak for Scanner Brian and Scanner Nicole). We sat in a bar with our family and watched the results come in on a big-screen HD TV (hello John McCain's ear lobes!). We cried, we drank, we hugged, and after Obama's speech, we went back to our little sister's apartment and went to sleep.

Your turn.

While You Were Sleeping: Sex and Chocolate

Liveblogging The Vote: An Open Thread

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What Do You Do When a Black Man is Elected President?

Emily Farris — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 16:48:00 GMT

Why, you smoke weed and make babies.

While we hope this L.A. Fox affiliate newscaster wasn't trying to make any racial assumptions (because, let's be honest, if we weren't sitting in a bar in Kanas City with just our family and a few stragglers, we might have smoked it up and had some fun, too), this short clip almost makes it seem that way.

Contex, people!

Oh, and we'd like to clarify that if we'd had any weed we would have smoked it, even though we were in a bar, in Kansas City, with our family.

What A Five-Year-Old Thinks Of The Election

The Election Is Over... And Now The Truth Comes Out

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The Election Is Over... And Now The Truth Comes Out

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 16:14:00 GMT

Sarah Palin doesn't know what countries are in North America. She can't name the countries that belong to NAFTA and she thinks Africa is a country, not a continent. Nor could she name most of the countries in North Africa. It's frightening to imagine how close this woman came to being second-in-command of the United States.

Here's a rundown of all the stories the McCain campaign is leaking about Sarah Palin in an effort to a) pin the blame on someone on b) to doom her 2012 chances, because God knows, even GOPers want nothing to do with this person...

1) Palin spent thousands of dollars more on her clothes-spending spree than was reported. She also charged some of the purchases to credit cards owned by staffers, who have not been reimbursed. One scorned aide quipped that it was "Wasilla hillbillies looting Neiman Marcus from coast to coast," while another claims the real horrors will emerge once the RNC runs an audit. McCain, meanwhile, was kept in the dark about the real details, staffers claim, since he would surely have been offended by Palin's greed.

2) Steve Schmidt, the man who proposed Palin for VP, was the one who turned down her request to give a concession speech on Election Night. It's amazing to us that this Governor and national figure had no idea Vice Presidential candidates never make concession speeches.

3) Palin refused to prep for the Katie Couric interview, did not know that Africa is a continent, could not name the countries of North America or the ones belonging to NAFTA, and on and on.

4) Palin decided to go after the William Ayers issue without approval from the campaign's top people. McCain reportedly wanted nothing to do with the Ayers, Wright, and other "smear" angles-- so good for him.

5) To top it all off, Palin greeted McCain advisers in only a towel, telling the visitors they should hang out with Todd, whom Newsweek calls "laconic," while she prepared herself.

Meanwhile, the truth about McCain's inner circle emerges as well:

1) McCain's advisers got together prior to the final debate and agreed the election was over but that they shouldn't tell their candidate that.

2) McCain still doesn't understand why one of his heroes, John Lewis, went after him publicly.

And other interesting tidbits, according to Newsweek, about Obama:

1) He considered the debate format a terrible environment in which to personally shine as a candidate, even taking a dig at Brian Williams for his "dumb" global warming question.

2) Obama's team shot down all of his arguments for considering Hillary as VP. Meanwhile, as we already knew, McCain and Clinton talked on the phone earlier in the campaign because they were so chummy, another reason to make the Obama campaign nervous.

3) During the period of unrest at Palin-McCain rallies, the Secret Service warned the Obamas about an uptick in death threats and other eerie warnings. "Why would they try to make people hate us?" Michelle asked. Welcome to Republican campaign tactics, Madame First Lady.

See more expanded versions of these at the Newsweek site.

New World Resolutions

The Election Ain't Over Yet...

Top 10 Reasons To Vote For Obama

Real or Fake? Nude Photos of Obama's Mother

The Sarah Palin Porno... Revealed

Gonzo Porn Director Slapped With 4 Years In Prison By Un-American Tampa Court

Last Night In Glorious Photos

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 20:45:00 GMT

We don't need to write a word of commentary for these photos.

Just sit back and relish sweet, sweet victory...

We'll break our silence to add only one thing: according to WNYC, whose photographer took the taxi photo, the guy jumped on the taxi in the middle of traffic and the drive kept driving for several minutes, honking all the way. New York City's best night ever, hands down.

Some of these via Flickr: Obama family, WNYC, and cell phones.

Related:

This Week In Gayness: We Say No To That Yes On Prop 8

New World Resolutions

The Election Ain't Over Yet...

Top 10 Reasons To Vote For Obama

New World Resolutions

Emily Farris — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 16:09:00 GMT

We don't really believe in New Year's resolutions. New Year's comes every year and when we fail to keep our resolutions after days or weeks (as most of us do), we often feel bad about ourselves.

But something about today inspires us to make resolutions we want to keep. Something we didn't think could ever happen happened when Barack Obama won the Presidential election last night, and now that we can feel the pain of canvassing Kansas City in our calves and the the celebratory shots in our heads, we feel like we're a part of this, too. Because if Barack Obama is going to change things for the country and the world, the least we can do is make a few changes (and stick to them) in our own lives, right?

Read our resolutions and share your own after the jump.

Scanner Emily resolves to:

Save money (even if it's just $20) every month.
Become a member of my public radio station.
Stop ignoring my debt and start paying it down, even if it's just $20/month.
Keep in better touch with my family.
Move into my own apartment within the year.
Run or swim at least twice a week.
Stop eating when I'm not hungry.

(Scanner Brian and Scanner Nicole should feel free to add their own in the post).

Image via AP/CNN.com

The Election Ain't Over Yet...

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 08:35:00 GMT

Barack Obama may have captured the Presidency, but there are still a lot of unanswered questions here at 3:15am New York time...

1) Did Al Franken pull it off or lose by inches? Here's the latest from our friends in Minnesota:

With 92 percent of the precincts reporting, Coleman held 42 percent to Franken's 41 percent. Independence candidate Dean Barkley captured 15 percent of the vote. [UPI]

As Minnesota generally has the highest turnout rate in the nation, it's likely to be undecided by the time you're reading this. This also begs the question: how close will the Democrats come to their 60-seat majority? Obviously, they fell short (as was expected by most pollsters), but how short? And will it even matter now, with Democrats in charge of the government at every level except the dreaded Supreme Court, or will the Republicans once again use divisive tactics to drag the Senate down with them?

2) Did Prop 8 pass, as it appears to have? Last time we checked, 54% of Californians somehow thought this insanely stupid proposal should disgrace our historic day for civil rights. Great timing, assholes. (Kate Halper wrote: "Fuck you, California." We can't hope to top that.)

3) Did Obama pull it off in either Montana or North Carolina... or both? (We're in suspense here, mainly just to keep the thrill ride going a little longer now that the Election has been decided.) For another thing, the stronger the victory, the stronger the mandate. Checking in on the Real Clear Politics electoral map, we see that...

In North Carolina, with 100% of the vote in:

2,101,986 for Obama

2,089,826 for McCain in North Carolina

+12,160 votes for Obama

In Missouri, with 99% of the vote in:

1,440,756 for McCain

1,435,839 for Obama

+4,917 for McCain

...both nail-biters that look to be over. But we... just... can't... let them die.

Liveblogging The Vote: An Open Thread

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 20:49:00 GMT

Help us liveblog today's election by e-mailing us anything interesting you come across today on the campaign trail or at the polls, where you will likely be for your entire eight hour workday, waiting to find out they never updated your registration. Whoops.

Seriously, we'll be updating this post (after the jump) throughout the day with anything we hear (hell, even if it's complete nonsense) about Election 2008: from unreliable exit polls to bizarre and outlandish cases of voting problems and outright fraud...

1:20am:

1) Voting problems: Well over 800,000 complaints so far. And that was yesterday's total.

2: Polls: In 2004, this was John Zogby's prediction on Election Day morn: "Kerry 311, Bush 213, 14 up for grabs. Bush wins popular vote." Guess we might want to rethink these polling things...

3) Share your voting experiences with the Huffington Post. Some of the experiences already up in the comments section are pretty interesting.

4) New York: If you haven't voted yet, know your rights, just in case you end up like Scanner Emily and can't vote. We'll have information on other states when and if we can locate reliable expert information.

2:17am:

If you hadn't heard already, Obama's grandmother did indeed pass away yesterday. She did, however, get to vote for her grandson for the first and only time.

6:39am:

A friend e-mails that his brother in New Jersey is reporting that there are already long lines at his tiny, heavily-Caucasian neighborhood polling site. "If there are lines in white neighborhoods maybe we'll get enough machines for once (and a national holiday!) in the next election."

9:47am:

From Jezebel: shots on long lines in Queens and New York's Lower East side.

Facebook has an Election Page that is updating in real time. 747,164.

And now for some comic relief: Gina Gershon as Sarah Palin in a new video.

9:52am:

Mark Salter, a senior McCain campaign aide, told the Wall Street Journal he is using crystal meth to get through today. Of course, mainstream media outlets picking up the story neglect to mention he's probably joking.

10:06am:

Talk about small towns: apparently, the South Side of Chicago is one of them, with this revelation from ABC News: "Among the other voters who have shown up to vote at Shoesmith Elementary School this morning, where Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill., will vote: Louis Farrakhan and William Ayers."

10:10am:

2004 much? "Voting machines were breaking down or simply not deployed in adequate numbers in some polling places," says CNN. "Long lines were seen in rainy Richmond, Virginia, where Henrico County switched to paper ballots at the Math and Science Center after five of seven machines broke down." Phew-- at least Henrico County had the sense to allow for paper ballots, unlike some idiotic states.

10:12am:

"If I have to choose between a douche and a turd, I don't see the point," says Stan from South Park. Clip here.

10:16am:

Yahoo! News reports: "More than 160 people were lined up to vote by the time polls opened at First Presbyterian Church in Allentown," Pennsylvania.

11:01am:

Political Wire says: "If Virginia is called quickly for Obama, it means he likely wins the presidential race and Democrats across the country will have a huge night. If it's not called early, it's could be an indication that white undecided voters are breaking to McCain. Prepare for an hour long discussion of the 'Bradley effect.' If Georgia or Indiana are called early for Obama, it's a leading indicator for a landslide." Meanwhile, Gawker's electoral map indicates McCain will likely be leading in the Electoral College until late in the evening (say, after 10pm) until the west coast starts to come in for Obama.

11:06am:

Conan voted!

The state of Florida claims its lines are only "20 minutes" long and that there are few reported problems. Have you heard different?

11:50am:

Trent Reznor weighs in. We're going to take a lunch break and go vote.

12:06pm:

The Obamas voted (in this video.)

1:02pm:

Just back from voting in Brooklyn. If it took 25 minutes to vote in a neighborhood like mine, I have to wonder how bad it must be getting in Ohio.

1:44pm:

Voting registration book problems in Kansas have been resolved, according to a CNN report.

Poll closing times: 7pm in Florida (for most polls), 7pm in New Hampshire (select cities are open till 8pm), at least 7pm in Oregon. More on poll closing times here.

3:40pm:

Back online after some technical problems. Joe the Plumber tried to vote but was denied because he was at the wrong polling location. Man, the McCain campaign can't do anything right, can it?

3:43pm:

A 109-year-old woman (hey, she's almost as old as McCain!), who is the daughter of a slave, was able to vote for Obama today.

3:48pm:

Let's update those poll closing times: 7:00: GA, IN, KY, SC, VT, VA; 7:30: NC, OH, WV; 8:00: AL, CT, DE, DC, FL, IL, ME, MD, MA, MI, MO, NH, NJ, OK, PA, TN; 8:30: AR; 9:00: AZ, CO, KS, LA, MI, MN, NE, NM, NY, ND, RI, SD, TX, WI, WY; 10:00: IA, MT, NV, UT, CA, HI, ID, OR, WA; 1:00am: AK. Most observers agree that if Obama wins IN and/or GA and VA early, this could be a blowout; otherwise, it could always go the other way, of course...

5:31pm:

Oddly enough, people are getting text messages telling them that, if they are Obama supporters, they should vote tomorrow because of long lines. Do Republicans really think their rivals are that dumb? (The answer: yes and some of them probably fell for it.)

Also, please don't send us any exit polling data. It's all junk anyway and we'll know within two hours or say anyway. Political Wire claims it will have results starting at 6pm easter-- link here.

5:34pm:

It might end up being an epic night regardless of the outcome, since it appears high turnout could delay the results. 1,000 voters were reportedly in line at a single polling site-- and this in Detroit, Michigan, which McCain has already conceded.

5:39pm:

Voted yet? It's not too late to throw your support behind... Lando Calrissian?

5:40pm:

Reports indicate Obama is making a last-minute effort to turn Indiana blue. We'll know in just a few short hours whether it was enough to turn the tide there. Can you believe we'll have actual hard date in under 90 minutes? So weird to watch the campaign to a screeching halt after so many months of incessant politicking.

Related:

Election Nightmare Video Scarier Than Saw V, For Sure

Vote Girl: Disenfranchised

Playboy's Presidential Sex Quiz A Welcome Distraction...

Video of the Day: The Mourning After

Top 10 Reasons To Vote For Obama

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 19:00:00 GMT

For a while, we tried to remain balanced, nitpicking each party's candidates with snarky attacks.

Then John McCain's campaign took a horrendous turn. It wasn't just on the strategic end, although that's what doomed him; rather, there seemed to be a point where he said, "I used to be the type who didn't stoop so low. Now I realize I can't win any other way" or "I want to win so badly I have temporarily lost control of my convictions."

And that's where Obama stepped in.

Now, Obama's no saint, but the reason it was so hard to trash him throughout this campaign is that he made few glaring missteps. Even the missteps the media reported on were exaggerated or the work of some other member of the campaign (yeah, we mean you, Joe Biden), and ultimately, we grew bored with covering the contest. It had been easy to pick on Clinton, Kucinich, Romney, and Bob Dole (man, we miss '96-- that dude was constant comedy.) But once Obama and McCain stepped into the ring this summer, all the drama seemed to fall away. It was like two fighters whose eyes sagged and their trainers had to slap them around: "Hey, go out and get 'em, it's not over yet!" But from then on, it was only potshots (William Ayers = yawn) and the usual droning putdowns ("see, this is a fundamental difference between blah blah blah...")

Ironically, just as everyone seemed to get terribly excited about the race, we lost all interest in it. And it wasn't just because Obama was on a clear path to victory. It just saddened us to watch McCain's desperation grow more and more pathetic and his rhetoric become more hollow with every "my friends" and "Joe the Plumber" reference. McCain entered the campaign as one of the most popular politicians in the country, with a near 70% national approval rating. He leaves it having done a complete 180-degree about-face into irrelevance.

Well, were there 10 examples enough in there? If not, here's our Top 10 Reasons To Vote For Barack Obama Today (assuming you haven't voted already and aren't able to have a Diebold machine and reverse your vote):

10. Obama has energized young people like never before. And studies show young people are better informed on the issues than the over 30 crowd.

9. Even Stephen Colbert had to sort of "break character" and endorse Obama. Yep, it was necessary.

8. A Missouri newspaper, which had called the civil rights marchers "Negro trash" in a front page headline in 1963, endorsed Barack Obama yesterday. If Obama can't help solve the still-lingering racial issues in our union, no one can.

7. After eight years of the worst President in American history, Ralph Nader would be welcome. But you know who wouldn't? A guy who promises to continue the policies of that worst President.

6. After eight years of the worst speaker in Presidential history, a guy who gets knocked for his "good speeches" by a Vice Presidential candidate who ~~doesn't even know what the fuck she's talking about~~ (excuse me, that was impolite) doesn't even know what a Vice President does is going to be much more tolerable.

5. Don't believe the McCain spin: Barack Obama is going to cut taxes on the middle class. He has to-- he knows that not only would conservatives call him on it, but liberals would be right there with them. He won't take away your guns either, unless you own rocket launchers and intend to use them.

4. Because he picked a gaffe-laden candidate with a good heart and the right experience to balance the ticket, while the other guy picked the very personification of a gaffe, a Governor with a thirst for vendettas, love of the worst kind of discourse, and relishes lying in a way that would warm the heart of Richard Nixon.

3. Healthcare for many Americans vs. healthcare for the rich. Social security vs. privitization. Tax cuts for the middle class or a soaring national debt. War in Iran vs. better diplomacy first. Hope vs. cynicism. Experience vs. Ineptness.

2. Sarah Palin. It bears repeating. There is little doubt she will be President before 2012 if McCain is elected. That alone would disqualify her ticket from getting a vote, no matter which party it comes from.

1. We need you. This is a personal plea from all of us. We don't care if you're in Nevada, Oregon, Montana, or here in New York, where Obama will "win anyway." You have nothing better to do today, and that includes eating, working, and using the restroom. That's no joke. And damn it, you get free Ben & Jerry's-- and since you have to vote to get it, it might as well be for someone who at least seems to care about us, no matter what else you think about him. The same can't be said for the other names on the ballot...

That is all. Now go.

Related:

Election Nightmare Video Scarier Than Saw V, For Sure

Crush of the Week: Jim Vokac

More Girls Say "Yes"

Vote Girl: Disenfranchised

McCain May Have Committed Vehicular Manslaughter in 1964

Top 10 Things Younger Than John McCain

Get Up, Get Out and Do Something

Emily Farris — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 15:05:00 GMT

Here's the dilly-o: It's election day. I'm in Missouri. Do you think I'm really going to sit in front of my computer and write about Britney Spears' vagina and Pete Wentz's penis? Fuck no. I'm going to hit the pavement in my homestate (and possibly soon to be home) of Missouri for Obama. Scanner Brian has a live thread going, at least until the Secret Service detains him, and I'll try to call in a few updates from the ground in Missouri. Needless to say, Scanner is going to be Scanner lite today. But you're probably not even sitting in front of your computer. You're calling your friends in swing states, making sure they'll vote, or maybe you're watching porn on VHS or DVD to remind yourself of a time when we had a Democratic president.

Whatever you do, get off your ass and vote. And then find someone to have victory sex with.

Did You Vote? Then Babeland Would Like To Give You A Free Sex Toy...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 20:28:00 GMT

Ben & Jerry's... Starbucks... or Toys in Babeland?

Which establishment will you hit up first with your "I Voted" sticker on? All three are offering delicious giveaways in honor of tomorrow's Electoral Grudgefest...

According to your favorite islamofascist news network (MSNBC!), Babeland is giving away $15-20 in sex toys, for starters:

Babeland, with stores in New York, Los Angeles and Seattle, is offering a pair of self-gratifying incentives for voters who present their registration cards, ballot stubs or “word of honor” that they voted next Tuesday.
The rewards are no-so-subtle reminders of this year’s campaign rhetoric. For men, it’s the “Maverick,” a "sleeve" for self-pleasuring. According to a press release, “He’s always there to lend a hand, he works for every man, and he bucks the status quo.” Women can choose the “Silver Bullet” mini-vibrator, which is “a magical solution to difficult problems” and “a great stress-reliever during these troubled economic times!” The promotion lasts through Nov. 11.

Meanwhile, Starbucks is giving away "a free brew" (you only need to enter into the honor system for that) and Ben & Jerry's is giving out free scoops from 5-8pm, with no indication of voting requirement.

So, vote in the morning, get a free coffee, work (or, better yet, GOTV), then hit up Ben & Jerry's at 5, swing by Babeland for the Silver Bullet (kind of a creepy name for a Presidential election, but whatever), and have a fun evening no matter who wins.

Via MSNBC.

Related:

Vote Girl: Disenfranchised

Wired Magazine Tracking Real-Time Voter Fraud... So You Know Where To Not Vote

Yes Girls for Obama

If You're A Liberal And Terrified Your Vote Won't Count...

Ron Clark Academy Students Almost Restored Our Faith in the Democratic Process

Nicole Pasulka — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 18:40:00 GMT

Only one more day left until the election and these Ron Clark Academy students are going to rap us through it to the tune of TI's "Whatever You Like." Video from CNN below. Prepare to have this song in your head for the rest of the day and to maybe die of an overdose on adorable.

Election Nightmare Video Scarier Than Saw V, For Sure

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 19:46:00 GMT

John McCain spoke in front of a large rally in Pottsville, Pennsylvania on Monday and was met by a few dozen demonstraters, and, as often happens at these things, the discourse quicky turned vitriolic...

In this video, a man can clearly be heard shouting "Bomb Obama" on multiple occasions and then saying he knows people who will shoot the Senator from Illinois if he becomes President. We always caught wind of a guy who claims to be a Democrat (somehow we doubt that) saying he could never vote for a black man.

With the polls tightening, although Obama expanding his lead in several red and swing states, we are certainly going to see more of this fear, hatemongering, racism, and general unpleasantness in the next five days. (Memo to McCain supporters: if your only reasons for not supporting Obama are guys he served on a school board with or the fact that you heard he was "born in Kenya," maybe you should do some fact checking before talking to people with cameras.)

By the way, see also this HuffPo piece: McCain Funded Work Of Palestinian His Campaign Hopes To Tie To Obama

Related:

Presidential Candidate Dogs Annoy The Sh*t Out Of Us

McCain May Have Committed Vehicular Manslaughter in 1964

Crazy McCain Volunteer Was Not Marked With a "B"

Video of the Day: The Mourning After

Crazy McCain's Even Crazier Brother's Crazy 911 Call

Wired Magazine Tracking Real-Time Voter Fraud... So You Know Where To Not Vote

BREAKING: McCain May Have Committed Vehicular Manslaughter in 1964

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 14:31:00 GMT

This could be akin to either a) CBS releasing fake George W. Bush AWOL documents or b) George W. Bush's drunk-driving arrest coming to light the last week of the election and causing him to lose the popular vote.

If it's true, in this case, it means the end of John McCain as a Presidential candidate...

From a Huffington Post e-mail blast at 10:23 this morning:

For the past two months, a major American magazine and an allied news service have been engaged in a legal battle with the United States Navy over records that they believe show that John McCain once was involved in an automobile accident that injured or, perhaps, killed another individual.

Vanity Fair magazine and the National Security News Service claim to have knowledge "developed from first-hand sources" of a car crash that involved then-Lt. McCain in 1964, according to legal filings. Lawyers for the NSNS allege that a cover-up may be at play.

Here's the full story from Sam Stein.

What do you think? Is this a trap to embarrass Obama somehow? A completely baseless rumor? Or do you think it's true?

Wired Magazine Tracking Real-Time Voter Fraud... So You Know Where To Not Vote

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 13:42:00 GMT

Pictures of "fraud" are boring... so we went with this one instead. Sue us.

Virginia, Georgia, Kentucky, New Mexico, Nevada and other early-voting states are already tilting the election toward Obama... as long as the machines register their votes, of course.

Seriously, though, this year we'll be able to watch our votes disappear in real time, thanks to Wired's awesome new interactive map...

You can check out the map here... when you do, note the following interesting complaints:

1) A voter in Chicago complains he was challenged by an inspector and asked for proof of residence at the poll.
2) Long lines at the North Miami Public Library.
3) Incorrect votes recorded in Nevada (people-- make sure to double-check your selections, it can't hurt to spend an extra thirty seconds in that booth.)

Also note the map is just getting underway... it will likely be chock full of chaos within the next week...

Have you voted yet? Let us know if you saw or experienced anything unusual, in the comments. ("There was a black man on the ballot!" does not count.)

Related:

If You're A Liberal And Terrified Your Vote Won't Count...

Debate #4: McCain Blinks, Misses His Chance

Yes Girls for Obama

Hayden Panettiere: "Don't F*ck With My Presidential Candidate"

What A Five-Year-Old Thinks Of The Election

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 15:57:00 GMT

Here are some highlights from Lisa Kern's recent piece on OpenSalon about her kids and their reactions to the debates and the politicking going on around them:

Son #3: “Mom, what’s a Republican?”
Me:          “It’s a member of one of the political parties in our country.”
Son #3: “Oh.”
Me:          “Why do you seem so sad?”
Son #3: “I thought it was one of the guys from Star Wars.”
On learning of loved ones' political differences:
Son #2:   “Mom! Guess what? My best friend is a Republican. What do I do now?”
On Sarah Palin, while watching the vice-presidential debate:
Son #3: “Gosh, Mom – She sure talks a lot. How does she BREATHE?”

Son #2: “Is she running for governor of Alaska?”
On Joe Biden, while watching the vice-presidential debate:
Son #3:   “That guy must brush his teeth a lot. He has the whitest teeth I’ve ever seen!”
On watching John McCain during the presidential debate:

Son #3:   “Why is he calling us his friends? We don’t even know him!”

More cuteness here.

Meanwhile, Cracked was thinking the same thing... but different: what a five-year-old thinks of an election, as drawn by an adult. It was a contest with a $50 prize-- here are our favorites of the 15 finalists:

See all 15 here.

And now, a three-year-old who is going to be one helluva campaign manager some day:

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: Watch Karl Rove Fight Off A Bunch of Hippies

Cop Fired For Drinking With Teens, Tasering Them For Laughs

While You Were Sleeping: David Duchovny Can't Keep It Together

Scandals Clinging To Sarah Palin Like Trig To Her Pantsuit

Thing #7,859 Not To F*ck: A Metal Rod

World's Greatest Mom Defends Daughter's Honor... Shotgun Style

Real or Fake? Nude Photos of Obama's Mother

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 13:08:00 GMT

We're serious-- these could actually be real, although one blogger has an interesting theory that would cancel out that possibility.

Of course, the real question is: why are we seeing these photos now, less than two weeks till Election Day? Could this be some sort of ruse by the Right, now that the Ayers-Socialism-Muslim smear campaign has obviously failed? We found this on a radical right-wing website that claims Islamofascists and left-wingers are one and the same:

It's amazing what there is on the internet. A geneological researcher has emailed me with three pictures of Obama's mother in the nude. That would be of trivial interest except for the setting in which the picures were taken. They were clearly taken in a sophisticated mid-century apartment and my correspondent suggests that the apartment details could be used to identify the photographer. He feels that the photographer is the Communist "Frank" whom Obama mentions as his mentor. That Frank was so intimate with Obama's mother would support the contention that Frank was in fact Obama's father. Various bloggers have pointed out how similar Obama looks to "Frank" and the coverup of Obama's birth certificate is certainly very suspicious...

Yep, these people will say anything to drag Obama through the mud (since they can't win on things like issues, facts, and reality)... and apparently they'll take as fact what "a geneological [sic] researcher" e-mailed them. Groovy.

One Google blogger ("Anna") disagrees:

Sorry, I just don't see it. For one thing Obama's mother always wore her hair long and the woman in the photos had short hair. I think
they are barking up the wrong tree here which is so sad because there are so so many right trees that they have available to them.

Ah... yeah... there's so much else they can hit Obama on... such as... uh... that he once shook hands with a guy at a rally who did time for unpaid parking tickets. Terrorist!

Anyway, back to the photos... here's one. Compare it to the one at the top left and decide for yourself...

Her face kinda looks photoshopped here, so we're going to call bullshit where no one else is. That's a shame, too, because someone needs to call these despicable right-wingers out on this continued nonsense-- guys and dolls, if you have to resort to disgracing somebody's mother in order to win an election, it's time to admit you may been on the wrong side of the aisle...

Here and here are the other pictures. We don't have the heart to post them.

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David Sedaris On Undecided Voters: Chicken or Sh*t?

Emily Farris — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 20:44:00 GMT

In this week's New Yorker the always hilarious David Sedaris gives us a little analogy to help us all understand where America's undecided voters are coming from.

"I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. 'Can I interest you in the chicken?' she asks. 'Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?' To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked."

Amen, David. Amen!

[The New Yorker via Jezebel]

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Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 18:08:00 GMT

It seems that Republicans are so desperate to win they'll cheat and Democrats are so scared of any potential cheating that they will try to head off a "stolen" election with a few semi-legal or even illegal tactics of their own...

Here's today's insane roundup... scary, scary stuff... it's enough to make you think Bob Barr might pull it off after all...

1) Absentee voters in upstate New York were mailed ballots listing Barack's last name as "Osama".

The Democratic commissioner apologized profusely, stating that it was merely a typo and that three proofreaders somehow missed it! What other words did they have to check? "Vote" and "fill in one of these bubbles, morons?" Come on, this is just rigoddamneddiculous.

2) FoxNews thinks it has uncovered a case of voter fraud in Ohio. A pair of newlywed Obama supporters have been picking homeless people up and shuttling them to the early-voting polls, where they are allowed to register and vote on the spot, even without proof of residence. Power to the homeless, we say, but Fox disagrees:

Volunteers supporting Barack Obama picked up hundreds of people at homeless shelters, soup kitchens and drug-rehab centers and drove them to a polling place yesterday on the last day that Ohioans could register and vote on the same day, almost no questions asked. [Gasp! You mean they didn't ask them anything beyond "are you registered to vote?" and "okay, can you fill this out?" Oh my God! This may be totally illegal-- letting residents of a state who have lost their homes cast ballots anyway!]

Republicans have argued that the window could lead to widespread voter fraud because officials wouldn't have an opportunity to verify registration information before ballots were cast. [Fox]

3) A man was shot in the face, ostensibly for wearing a racially-charged t-shirt. The shirt? Pro-Obama. The shooter? Reportedly made racist comments at the scene of the shooting. The story here? The shooting was in South London.

If you hear any more evidence of voter fraud (besides the usual federal-law-violating voter purges within 90 days of an election, which is going on as we speak), let us know in the comments section.

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While You Were Sleeping: Oh, Jeebus... Guess Who's Pregnant Again?

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 14:34:00 GMT

Remember the woman who was allegedly stuck to a toilet for a couple years? Her boyfriend, although charged with a host of crimes in the case, still has time to go out and win the lottery... twice.

We've been waiting for more, um, developments in this case, but nevermind: a Playboy pinup testified in Federal court in the semi-well-known "suitcase full of $800,000" trial.

We absolutely love Nick Nolte. He is a badass without even trying. Check out what he did yesterday:

Nick suffered from "minor smoke inhalation," after attempting to fight a fire with a garden hose at his Malibu home Tuesday, an inspector at the L.A. County Fire Department confirms...

The actor, 67, took action after an electrical malfunction started the blaze in his home office, inspector Ron Haralson told Us. The fire department responded at 11:34 a.m., as TMZ.com first reported.

He didn't run out of the house screaming for help-- he fought that fire until his already-tar-and-smoke-filled lungs couldn't take it anymore. Nice work.

If this is real, then McCain is doomed: one supporter(?) claims to have received a prepaid FedEx return envelope from the McCain campaign asking for a donation. This is either the most desperate fundraising pitch ever or the most ingenious... possibly both.

Speaking of McCain, did you enjoy Tom Brokaw last night? Check him out here, talking about previous electoral campaigns. Pretty interesting.

Cameron Diaz reveals why her relationships don't work out:

"I'm a spoiled brat."

And... well isn't this wonderful? Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant again.

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Let's Take A Look-See At The Ol' Electoral Map...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 13:45:00 GMT

While it's still possible that the McCain-Obama race could end in an electoral college tie, it's much more likely that the race will go solidly for one ticket or the other. However, as Andy Sullivan puts it at Reuters:

If McCain wins Virginia, New Hampshire, Florida and Ohio but loses Pennsylvania, Colorado, New Mexico and Iowa to Obama, both candidates could end up with 269 electoral votes.

When put that way, it seems much more realistic that the election won't be decided by voters. (He's winning in Florida, Virginia, and Ohio in most polls, and New Hampshire is very close, and he'll likely lose all four of those states the scenario requires him to lose.) But before you get all freaked out about Dick Cheney or Nancy Pelosi becoming President-By-Default or something, here's what it really looks like is gonna happen... if the election were today...

From Politico:

On "Fox News Sunday," President Bush's former top political adviser, Karl Rove, said he now projects Obama would win 273 electoral votes–enough to take the White House—and has a chance at 102 more. Just two weeks ago, Rove had the two campaigns virtually tied. [Politico]

From Electoral Vote:

Obama 329 McCain 194 Ties 15 [obviously, this is bad for McCain, but in almost all swing states, the race could presumably swing McCain's way over the next 28 days]

Even worse for McCain is this somewhat curious site 270towin, which says that Obama only needs to pick up 10 more electoral votes to be unbeatable, while McCain-Palin need:

107 [and consider the following states "must win"] FL,OH,NC,VA,IN,MO,CO

To further confuse you, here's what many consider the definitive polling map these days, via Real Clear Politics:

Obama/Biden 264
192 Solid 72 Leaning
McCain/Palin 163
158 Solid 5 Leaning
Toss Up 111

Obviously, we're not going to give McCain all 111 of those votes just for the sake of argument... since nothing short of a gay sex scandal can send them careening the Republican's way that fast...

Looks like it's time for McCain to unleash the hounds... or something brilliant and similar soon... as in, yesterday.

Any ideas for what McCain should do now?

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If You Like Fey and Poehler and Palin and Clinton, You'll Love Them as Couric and Palin

Emily Farris — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 15:29:00 GMT

We're sad that Amy Poehler won't be returning to SNL after she gives birth, because no matter what happens in this election, Tina Fey and Poehler are a political team to be reconed with. After the jump, Poehler's Katie Couric interviews Fey's Palin for the opening scene of Saturday Night Live.

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LiLo Snubbed by Obama

Emily Farris — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 20:04:00 GMT

Lindsay Lohan has ben an outspoken critic of Republican vice-presidential nominee, Sarah Palin. She's also a big fan of Barack Obama. Unfortunately, the Obama camp doesn't share Lohan's sentiments.

After reaching out to the Democracts and offering her to help out the Obama-Biden ticket by hosting a series of parties to support the Democratic duo, a campaign staffer said Lohan ''is not exactly the kind of high-profile star who would be a positive for us.''

Ouch.

[SunTimes: Barack Obama campaign nixes Lindsay Lohan]

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Fun With The Interwebs: Sarah Palin Baby Name Generator

Emily Farris — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 14:39:00 GMT

It was only a matter of time before someone put together a Sarah Palin baby name generator. Click through for our name and how you can make yours.

Scanner Emily's Sarah Palin Baby Name is Mustache Warthog Palin. Kinda' makes us think we have a chance to really make something of ourselves someday.

Then we tried putting in Scanner, which is already a Palin baby name of sorts, but if Scanner were born to the Palins we'd be Sport Grunt Palin. God, our future would have been so different...

What's yours?

[Sarah Palin Baby Name Generator]