Scanner : education

Porn Star Lunch Lady Scares Parents

Scanner Matt — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 21:44:00 GMT

Louisa C. Tuck, formerly known as Crystal Gunns, has incensed a number of sanctimonious parents who are demanding she be fired from her current job as their elementary school’s part-time cafeteria worker and playground monitor due to her porn star past.

The Daily Journal reports that parents insist Tuck/Gunns be ousted from their Vineland, New Jersey elementary school after learning of her former career, but lawyers on both sides of the issue say there are no legal grounds to give her the pink slip due to the fact that she hasn't done anything illegal.

Tuck says she’s only making $5,772 a year and claims she quit the industry five years ago when she was twenty-seven. We are sure some of these self-righteous parents would rather not talk about the things they did in their twenties, so why not leave the poor woman alone and end the witch hunt?

We assume this may inspire an onslaught of humor-intended pun-ridden porn flick titles (Sloppy Second Joes?) or give new meaning to Adam Sandler’s goofy adolescent 90's anthem, “Lunch Lady Land.”

::Sigh:: we miss Chris Farley.

Related:

Porn Star or American Apparel Model?

The Top 5 Hollywood Players Who Did Porn

Porn Stars: They're Just Like Half of All Adults (By Age 50)

Libertarian Dude, Star of "Predator" and Porn, Is Running For Senate

Ali Lohan: Future Lindsay? Future Porn Star? Is There a Difference?

Marie Claire Writer: I Saw My Sister In A Porn Mag

Photo: Wikimedia

Creationist Teacher Burns Cross In Students' Arms

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 17:10:00 GMT

An Ohio teacher burnt a cross on at least one student's arm, which stay imprinted on the kid's skin for almost a month, and somehow managed to escape arrest in this, the 21st century.

Question: if a burn lasts three to four weeks... why was the teacher who caused the injury not fired for it by the time this story leaked?

A public school teacher preached his Christian beliefs despite complaints by other teachers and administrators and used a device to burn the image of a cross on students' arms, according to a report by independent investigators.
Mount Vernon Middle School teacher John Freshwater also taught creationism in his science class and was insubordinate in failing to remove a Bible and other religious materials from his classroom, the report said.
Lynda Weston, the district's director of teaching and learning, told investigators that she has dealt with complaints about Freshwater for much of her 11-year term at the district, the report said.

What does a guy gotta do to get fired in an Ohio school district? Don't tell Mary Kay Letourneau about this story...

A former superintendent, Jeff Maley, said he tried to find another position for Freshwater but couldn't because Freshwater was certified only in science, the report said.

Whoever certified this certifiable nut in "science" oughta get slapped with an endangering the welfare of a child charge.

Meanwhile, it took a week after a federal lawsuit was filed by one family for the story to get picked up in the media. Check out this class response to the suit by a friend of Freshwater's:

"With the exception of the cross-burning episode ... I believe John Freshwater is teaching the values of the parents in the Mount Vernon school district..."

Not anymore he isn't, thank God. We hear the results of a staff meeting on Friday determined, after a long, long saga (during which Freshwater was apparently allowed to continue teaching), that the science teacher was a goner.

More dark comedy via the AP.

Today in WTF: K-Mart Abstinence Pants

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 19:04:00 GMT

Giving rival Wal-Mart a run for its braindead conservative money, K-Mart recently introduced a pair of women's pants with a slogan on them that has the blogosphere in an uproar...

From the K-Mart website:

"These athletic pants boldly proclaim just where she stands by pointing out that "True Love Waits" in a large screen print on the front and back of these pants."

Unsurprisingly, the K-Mart spokesperson evades the question as to whether this item supports abstinence:

"There may be some (customers) who made the (abstinence association), but it was not the intention." the pants have absolutely nothing to do with taking any kind of position, either way, on abstinence. "It was not associated with any group or any cause," said Amy Dimond. "It was just a graphic put on the pants."

We're buying that-- the pants, we mean, not her explanation. For, as The Frisky put it: "Because what says 'Abstinence Rules!' like a big ol’ message on your butt?"

P.S. It should be noted, as AZ Central does, that "there is no similar product for young men."

Via AZ Central.

Today in WTF?!: Educated Women Can't Enjoy Sex

Emily Farris — Mon, 19 May 2008 20:36:00 GMT

We're taking this story with a grain of salt because we can't find the actual study to back it up, but we figured we'd share it with you anyway.

Apparently, educated women have a harder time enjoying sex.

In the study 62 per cent of women who had completed their education said they often had problems achieving orgasm.

Only 38 per cent of women with a lower educational qualification said they had such problems.

The study conducted by a German lifestyle website surveyed over 2,000 women between the ages of 18 and 49.

Can anyone direct us to this study, or one like it? Until then, we call bullshit. We say, the more you know the further you go.

[JoyOnline: Educated women can't enjoy sex—study]

[Image]

Hot Teacher Busted For Hosting Sex & Drugs Party

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 16:11:00 GMT

Hot Teacher Abbiejane Swogger of Harrison, PA, is the thirty-four-year-old ex-stripper who was busted after cops raided her student-filled hotel room. They found condoms, crack cocaine (woah, Pennsylvania is right up there with Jersey, yo!), Mary Jane reefers, beer cans, and God knows what else.

But it's her explanation for why she was up late in a hotel room with teenage boys that is the real standout.

Ms. Swogger says she rented a hotel room to socialize and drink beer with adult acquaintances, but teenage friends of her son showed up and refused to leave. She maintained yesterday that she knew nothing about drugs in the room and did not give the teens any beer.

They refused to leave-- why does that explanation ring so hilariously false? "No, we're here to bone you, but if we can't bone you, we're going to leave condom wrappers behind and not tell you where and then call the cops... before we escape."

Indulge us in two more great lines from the article in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette:

Ms. Swogger also said she did not have sex with any of the young people present. They may have had sex with one another, she said, but did so "discreetly."

Ms. Swogger-- probably not her stripper name, methinks-- who is a poorly paid teacher's aide in the area's school district, reminds us of our high school music teacher, who held drug and alcohol fueled parties at his house once in a while and who we once walked in on watching gay porn with most of our friends. Whoops!

[Photo: Pittsburgh Post-Gazette]

[For more: Fox News and the Post-Gazette]