Scanner : economy

Sloppy Seconds: Crazy Baby Lady Holds Out, Won't Put Out

Emily Farris — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 23:01:00 GMT

A 15-year-old student in Florida has been suspended from school for three days because he farted on the bus. [Inquisitr]

Oh, Jesus. Some dude wants to make babies with "angel princess" Paris Hilton. [FadedYouth]

We were sort-of excited (okay, really excited) about "Lesbian Vampire Killers" until we read this: "The lesbian vampire queen, who is in fact the only one of the vampires who seems to genuinely be a lesbian rather than just a generally lusty vampire, can only be killed with the sword. It's a subtle moment, so let's rephrase: The lesbian curse is only lifted when the lesbian is penetrated by the cock sword." [Vulture]

Isaiah Washinton, who was fired from the cast of Grey's Anatomy in 2007 for making a gay slur at co-star T.R. Knight (who had not yet come out of the closet) is facing eviction from his Venice home. [Us]

Contrary to earlier reports, Katy Perry and Josh Groban are not dating. People everywhere continue to not care. [People]

Crazy Baby Lady Nadya Suleman still has not accepted any offers to do porn or any offers to do reality shows featuring Vivid girls. (P.S. Thems not enuf diapers.) [The Frisky]

While You Were Sleeping: Drunk Breastfeeding

[Image]

MSNBC Needs a Lesson on Panties

Colleen Kane — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 22:10:00 GMT

A hard-hitting MSNBC video expose on a trend in sales of panties-- namely, that sales of thongs are down in the economic downturn in favor of "granny panties"-- reveals an oversimplified, antipodal view of panties. According to newscaster Lauren Petty of WVIT, there are only two kinds.

Can we just review the range of other readily available categories, all of which are more comfortable than thongs and less ugly than granny panties?

String bikini.

Bikini.

Boyshort/ hipster cut.

Vintage-style high-waisters.

Just sayin'. And to watch that news video, it's here.

Scanner Survey: Hot or Not, Granny Panties?

Sloppy Seconds: Panties for Peace

The End of Masturbaking?

Colleen Kane — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 17:33:00 GMT

Another victim of the economy bites the dust: the New York Press' blog reported that the East Village Cajun eatery Old Devil Moon has closed its doors. This is bad news not just for fans of their Cajun-style food, but for fans of cupcakes shaped like boobs, and let's not forget cakes shaped like penises: Masturbakers was headquartered in the ODM premises as well.

What is to become of the city's best-known purveyor of penis pastries?

The Masturbakers website is down and the New York Press reports they're on hiatus as they look for a new location, but if anyone's having an emergency for which the only solution is a weiner cake*, email masturbakers@hotmail.com.

* Scanner Colleen is just sayin' that "tit's" her birthday today. (Tit really 'tis.)

Scanner Highs and Lows: Can You Say Boobies? No? How About Boobs?

Boobpedia: The Encyclopedia of Big Boobs

Big Brother Has Boobs and Our Attention

Heroes of the Day: Those Who Gave Money To Elderly Man With $3,000 Water Bill

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 21:38:00 GMT

In these trying economic times, even charities are suffering. Food banks are packed with starving, unemployed families while their stockpiles are depleted quickly and their donations plummet.

So, you'd be forgiven for thinking that an 84-year-old man, slapped with a $3,000 water bill, is going to be out of luck when asking people to help him out this holiday season...

Nope, they did, and in spades and droves and whatever you want to call it:

The Appleton, Wisconsin man has received $4,027 in donations to help offset the bill he received when he was away from home and his pipes cracked, allowing for tens of thousands of cubic feet of water to flood his meter. The organizers of the fundraising effort, which saw donations of $5 to $500, actually had to tell people not to continue donating and the stunned citizen, Norman Beckman, will donate the rest of the cash to an underfunded charity.

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Hero of the Day: Girl Who Talked Her Way Out of a Kidnapping

Hero of the Day: Dad Who Killed A Sex Offender Turned Home Invader

Burger King Wants You To Have $100... No, Seriously, Take The Money...

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 17:50:00 GMT

Burger King is deliberately dropping wallets full of cash all over the country and, unlike the wicked New York City Police Department, they aren't arresting people who are kind enough to pick them up...

The blogosphere is abuzz today with stories of people in Arizona, Florida, and Illinois finding wallets on the floor of the local Burger King restaurants. The wallets were deliberately dropped or planted by hired help on a Burger King marketing campaign:

From November 12-14, the fast food chain will be leaving 5000 wallets around Chicago, specifically "in high-traffic areas and landmarks." Inside the wallets? "A BK Crown Card pre-loaded with $5 to $20 and cold, hard cash ranging from $1 to $100."
Yep, the wallets include notes telling the individuals who find them to go ahead and keep the wallets. Time Out Chicago reported on November 12th that Burger King planned to drop 5,000 of these wallets around urban hot spots in Chicago. According to reports from bloggers, the wallets contain actual cash, ranging from a $1 bill to a $100 bill, a gift card to Burger King, a “Drivers License” featuring The King, and a map of Chicago or Orlando area Burger King’s.
This is a brilliant marketing move, and the mainstream media is obviously lagging behind on discovering it - but creative and unique marketing ideas like this one don’t go unnoticed forever. I expect much more widespread attention for this promotion as the word-of-mouth affect begins to trickle up the mainstream media.

The economy is in such bad shape right now, with the highest new unemplyoment filings in years, that you half expect large crowds of people scouring their local BK's, not for the $1 menu, but like those weird beachcombers, hoping that someone hasn't scoured the place as thoroughly as they are about to...

Via the So Good Blog and NBC.

Prince Has Something He'd Like to Talk to You About

Sexy Librarians Win Wisconsin Dance-Off

While You Were Sleeping: Barack Obama's Big Move

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 14:08:00 GMT

Alan Greenspan reveals the man responsible for the grave economic crisis we're facing: it's jazz musician Stan Getz.

Apparently, I, Brian Fairbanks had something to do with that Oregon stripper mayor getting stripped of her duties. We don't understand this link either.

This guy won't be able to accompany his 17-year-old wife to her high school dances...

Five pieces of facial jewelry may be all that is stopping a high school senior from attending any school dances with the 19-year-old man she recently married.
Casey Engstrom, 19, graduated from Hubbard High School in 2007. He has since married Brittany, 17, who is still a senior at the high school. The young couple now lives a stone’s throw away from the high school with Casey Engstrom’s grandmother, but Casey Engstrom will not be permitted to attend any school dances with his new wife. Casey Engstrom has been informed that he is banned from such school functions because of skin-stretching jewelry in his lip and ears. [Link]

Cynthia Nixon got involved in a debate about her kids' school, with video.

Send folk singer Odetta a card-- she's in critical condition in a New York hospital.

A man listed a beat up, useless automobile on e-bay for a few hundred dollars and then all but forgot about it. When the auction closed at well over $200,000, it became clear that the car was only one of six of its kind ever made.

Can someone explain to us why the TRL finale was on a Sunday night? Anyway, it featured a stunning cast of music stars, including Eminem, Justin Timberlake, and Beyonce.

And Barack Obama had a busy Sunday: he resigned his Senate seat, gave the Democratic radio address, and addressed the nation... all on YouTube.

Related:

Oregon Stripper-Mayor Stripped of Power: Let Freedom Reign!

Female Reverend Banned From Preaching After Drunken Swingers Weekend

It's About Damn Time The World Had a Black Wonder Woman

Hot Teacher Caught After Three-Year Affair With Female Student

While You Were Sleeping: Nude Photo Hoax

Sloppy Seconds: Photos of New Planets, Yay!

Lou Reed's Classic Example Of How To Give An Interview

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 17:26:00 GMT

With international leaders meeting today to discuss the growing world economic crisis, employees are spending more and more of their workday online, job hunting. Thankfully, Lou Reed is here to help with your next interview.

Now, in honor of the release of his brilliant new record, the master teaches you how to relax and to not appear too eager when facing down those overbearing interviewers...

In case you don't know anything about his music (and how the hell do you get to be your age and not know Lou Reed, honestly?), it's all about drugs. Just a heads up so you can appreciate this clip all the more...

And by the way, you should really check out the new Berlin: Live at St. Ann's Warehouse. We were there for the taping and it was an unmistakably powerful show, with far and away the best sound we've ever experienced in a concert setting.

Related:

The Saddest And Most Hopeful Story in Rock & Roll

Who Would You Rather: Katy Perry vs. Zooey Deschanel?

Top 5 Celebrities Who May Or May Not Be Attractive: Part One

While You Were Sleeping: When MySpace Attacks...

Led Zeppelin May Have A New Singer... And It's Amazin'...

Sloppy Seconds: The Sheep Beauty Pageant

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While You Were Sleeping: Ciara's Naked Vibe Cover

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 13:43:00 GMT

We still have a long way to go, baby: gay marriage is not equal to straight marriage in California and Massachusetts... at least when it comes to taxes.

Inspired by Radiohead's slap at the record industry, Michael Moore will post his next movie online for free. We think it's called "Sicko II: The John McCain Story."

And aren't we past this, especially with a female Vice Presidential candidate on the Republican ticket?

Kacy Stuart, a freshman at New Creation Center, a private Christian school, had practiced as a kicker for two months before being told by Hank St. Denis, executive board chairman of the Georgia Football League, that she would not be permitted to play.
Her mother vows to take the League to court.

A new study indicates there is no link between those who are given the measles vaccine and autism.

Check out Screengrab's amusing look at the top films about school for the R-rated crowd.

The Governor of Texas is weighing whether he should stay the execution of an inmate. The inmate's trial, by the way, was marred by the relationship (sexual!) between the prosecutor and the judge. Oh, and here's a little Texas justice for ya: the Governor knows the inmate's appeals hearing is scheduled for after the inmate's scheduled execution.

We saw a headline scrolling along a building this morning: Breaking news: 84,000 new unemployed filings in August; rate jumps to 6.1%. Can't be good for the McCain campaign to wake up to after that speech.

Isn't that a bizarre cover? If the McCain campaign can fool people into thinking Tina Fey is actually his VP, he's got it all locked up...

And Ciara dishes on her relationship with 50 Cent on an (all nude) cover story for Vibe...

Video of the Day: Tracy Morgan Responds to Tina Fey on SNL

Who Would You Rather?: Evangeline Lilly In A Manshirt or Tina Fey Scarfing A Sandwich

The Next Big Star: Marisol Nichols

Howard Schatz Reminds Us How Much Steamier Sex Is Underwater

Sloppy Seconds: Eva Longoria's Lingerie Past

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 21:01:00 GMT

Are you better off now than you were in 1999? We seriously doubt it, although this chart may make you think you're making the same money you were then: nice try, thanks for (not) factoring in cost of living increases, dumbasses.

Charlize Theron at the DNC: No, I won't get married.

Speaking of marriage: Are we upset or could we care less that this movie star got hitched?

Asia Argento has wed in Tuscany, Italy.
The actress married director Michele Civetta on Wednesday in a civil ceremony at the city hall in Arezzo. The 32-year-old daughter of Italian moviemaker Dario Argento was previously engaged to actors Michael Pitt and Vincent Gallo but she never married.

One million new bankruptcies have been filed this week. Just kidding, it was over the last 12 months. Phew!

What does a country gotta indict somebody for in order to get rid of him? Senator Ted Stevens won his primary yesterday.

Today in the Apocalypse: Rat meat is in high demand in Cambodia, thanks to the economy.

Awww, man... the nun beauty pageant has been canceled for the usual, predictable reasons.

You probably heard about Eva Longoria's early forays into lingerie. If that's your kind of thing, you'll definitely want to check out The Superficial's posting of seven-year-old photos, most of which have been virtually unseen, at least on the internet. Here (and above), a taste:

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Starpulse's Celebs Who Should Go Nude: Who's Missing?

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While You Were Sleeping: The Pregnant Lady Lingerie Controversy

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Eva Mendes: Too Hot For TV, Way Too Hot For Work

Top 5 Sex Scenes Involving Food

Condo Board Solves Housing Crisis With Nude Pool

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 13:00:00 GMT

Eden Condominiums, developers of Arbors at Branch Creek, in Tampa, FL, have hatched upon a new plan to attract business. Apparently, retirees and other ancient peoples in the state are in drawn to condos with...

... a clothing-optional pool.
If approved, residents would be able to parade around in one of the complex's common wet areas, enjoying hot-tubbing, sunbathing, and swimming all in the buff.
Organizers plan to protect au naturel enjoyers from outside eyes with strategically placed shrubbery.

Strategically placed shrubbery? What, are the pool boys, cocktail servers, and the concierge going to follow around at water's edge with a rosebush (no pun intended), hoping the nudists won't make any sudden moves?

"We know there are people out there who will enjoy this amenity," said Christine Pirkle, director of sales for project-developer Eden Condominiums. [AP]

Meanwhile, the condo has seen a spike in applications from convicted camera phone pervs and paparazzi and are unsure as to the reason...

Via City News (Can.)