Scanner : drinking problems

Bacon-Infused Cocktail Made Us Orgasm Just Reading About It

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 18:18:00 GMT

Summer's almost over, which means it's time to drink heavily and balloon up for the unbearable winter months. A good way to start is with this monster of an Old Fashioned: it involves bacon, maple syrup, and about a bucket o' whiskey...

Start your week right with the recipe, after the jump:

PDT’s Bacon-Infused Old Fashioned

FOR THE BOURBON- BACON INFUSION:
3 or 4 slices bacon, or enough to render 1 ounce of fat (PDT uses Benton’s, but any extra-smoky variety will do)
1 750-ml. bottle of bourbon such as Four Roses Yellow Label

FOR THE OLD FASHIONED:
2 ounces bacon-infused bourbon
1/4 ounce Grade B maple syrup
2 dashes Angostura bitters
Twist of orange

FOR THE BACON-INFUSED BOURBON: Cook bacon in pan and reserve rendered fat. (1) When bacon fat has cooled a bit, pour off one ounce from pan. (2) Pour bourbon into a non-porous container. (3) Strain the bacon fat into the container and infuse for 4 to 6 hours at room temperature. Place mixture in freezer until all the fat is solidified. With a slotted spoon, remove fat and strain mixture back into bottle.
FOR THE COCKTAIL: In mixing glass, stir 2 ounces bacon-infused bourbon, maple syrup, and bitters with ice. Strain into chilled rocks glass filled with ice. Garnish with orange twist.

We hope someone can come up with a way to meld the two drinks into one so we can have maple syrup and bacon with our whiskey, but there's always the ol' Pancakes and Booze Breakfast, which explains our ability to sift through the New York magazine website, from whence this recipe came...

While you're at it, check out the How To video here.

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Beer Pong Video Game Falls By Way Of Lenny Bruce, Poop Paintings, Janet Jackson's Nipples

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 17:28:00 GMT

Stupid poster available from AllPosters.com

How dare these bastards try to stop up from playing "Beer Pong: The Video Game?" Never mind that we're spending $50 on a video game in which we salivate over digitized beer, when we could play it for real for $1.99 worth of Country Club...

Time Magazine has this shocking, shocking story:

Perhaps, in retrospect, JV Games should have seen this coming. After all, drinking games and video games may be two of college kids' favorite pastimes, but they are also a source of constant complaints from the students' middle-aged parents. So when the softwaremaker tried to combine the two adolescent activities, many critics felt it had gone too far.

"Too far" meaning, in this case, attempting to release a video game promoting binge drinking on the Nintendo brand.

"We never anticipated such a severe reaction to the word beer," says Jag Jaegar, co-owner of JV Games, which released Pong Toss on July 28 with a kid-friendly rating of T for teen.

Never anticipated?! Dude, the problem isn't the word "beer," it's everything including "beer." And yes, they actually changed the name of the game to "Pong Toss" and now feature water in the cups instead of booze.

Kind of defeats the purpose, doesn't it?

Via Time.

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The Top 10 Moments In the Career of Hillary Clinton

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 20:44:00 GMT

Not that we're saying it's over for her politically or anything. We'd fully encourage her to run for Governor of New York if David Paterson decides not to in two years. How hot would that be? "Governor Clinton-- The Sequel!"

10. Kept her job as a lawyer in spite of sexist criticism of how she and her then-Governor husband ran their family.

9. Played a key role in the end of Richard Nixon's Presidency as "a member of the impeachment inquiry staff, advising the House Committee on the Judiciary during" the Watergate hearings.

8. In 1968, at Wesleyan, Hillary "organized a two-day student strike and worked with Wellesley's black students to recruit more black students and faculty." It was a successful endeavor.

7. "Played a role in advocating for the establishment of the State Children's Health Insurance Program."

6. Not taking Bill Clinton's shit on Monica by letting him suffer after he embarrassed and humiliated her in front of the entire world.

5. Securing, with Rep. Pete King and others, a huge monetary boost for New York City following the 9/11 attacks.

4. Beat an incredibly well-funded New York and national Republican political machine to become the first First Lady ever elected to national or any office. If she never did anything else, before or since, it would still put her on an historical par with her President husband.

3. By all accounts, she won a marathon vodka-drinking contest while on a Congressional tour of Estonia. Her opponent? Senator John McCain.

2. Earning far more votes than any woman running for President ever dreamed of just a few short years ago. Shirley Chisholm is smiling down on her, for sure.

And the greatest moment (so far) in Hillary Clinton's storied career...

1. Her Wellesley's class's commencement speech. The address, which received a seven minute standing ovation and was the first commencement speech in the college's history to be made by a student, was gutsy, eloquent and passionate. It woke the country up, in much the same way Woodstock and the moon landing would again one month later, making the front page of Life on June 20, 1969. Very few people who heard it at the time did not agree the 22-year-old was destined for great things...

UPDATE: Relax, people, they're called typos. And they're what you get when you are writing leaning out a second story window, stealing internet, thanks to Time Warner having decided you don't exist anymore.

Can We Have This Job?

Emily Farris — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 12:56:00 GMT

Your dream job just got taken.

Jessica Simpson: I'm So Bloated, I Thought I Was Pregnant

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 18:16:00 GMT

Jessica Simpson is so much funnier in real life than in any movie she's ever miscast in.

According to the soulless Julia Allison's equally-soulless employer Star, Jessica Simpson lied about having a little pee-pee problem last month. It was actually more like an IV tube of Southern Comfort running 24 hours a day, pumping straight to her esophagus.

Reps for the singer said she was being treated for a "kidney infection," but an insider tells Star it was more than that. Jessica's health problems were "brought on by drinking an obscene amount of alcohol," says the source. "She was treated for a kidney infection, a bladder infection and a [snicker, snicker] urinary tract infection."

She sure did have a bladder problem. Between bonking Tony Romo so much that he couldn't even play flag football with his doomed Cowboys if he wanted to. (Didn't anyone ever see "Raging Bull"?)

"She used to keep her drinks to a minimum, because she's very conscientious about the calories," [said the source.]

We are pretty sure the part about Jessica cutting down on the carbs is true-- after all, she was making up for lost sexual time and her gut was becoming more pronounced. It's only natural that everyone thought she was pregnant when she was probably just trying out the Britney diet.

People, this is exactly why you're not supposed to wait until marriage to have sex. Because after losing your virginhood to a dirty old man like Nick Lachey, you will end up sleeping with every guy who comes along, every night of the week, after any amount of imbibing. (If you do, we won't judge. Unless you're Jessica Simpson.)