Scanner : doctors

Sloppy Seconds: Oral Sex is Bad, Mmmmkay?

Emily Farris — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 22:33:00 GMT

Apparently, we're one step closer to having eternal sunshine in our spotless minds. Except, instead of forgetting about Jim Carrey doctors might be able to make us forget how much we love hamburgers. And pulled pork. And cheesecake. And those little biscuits at the seafood place. And that would be so, so awesome. [NYT]

We sort of wish we would have waited to break our wrist at the Down & Derby that Cosmo Baker is spinning at instead of the one (about this time last year) that featured some DJ we'd never even heard of. Anyway, if you're in New York and a better roller skater than we are, you should check this out. We will be in town for it, but we will not be seeing you there. [TheKeyRoom]

An iPod you can control with your facial expressions? No thanks. One day we're walking down the street trying to skip from the Katy Perry version of "I Kissed a Girl" to the Jill Sobule version. Next thing you know the guy is telling the cops he could have sworn we were begging him to put his penis in our mouth. [Reuters]

That bisexual reality star we're no longer allowed to talk about thinks that she and Meghan McCain are very similar because they're both Scorpios and they both...wait for it... "have strong opinions about things." [Us]

While Farrah Fawcett fights an uphill battle against cancer her son Redmond can't help but get into a little bit of trouble. [RadarOnline]

Patrick Swayze seems to be faring a little better in the cancer department, though it's all still so sad. [People]

Here's yet another reminder that oral sex will give you mouth AIDS or cancer or something like that. [Jossip]

Speaking of oral... we have to admit that though we've heard her name, we have no idea who Aubrey O'Day is, but apparently Kathy Griffin likes the taste of her mouth. [FadedYouth]

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Marry, F*ck or Kill: Sexy Doctor Edition

Emily Farris — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 21:05:00 GMT

Sixteen million people watched the E.R. series finale last night. We were not among them, but if our Twitter feed is any indication, old-school fans were seriously missing sexy, sexy Dr. Ross, played many seasons ago by George Clooney. And that got us thinking about how glad we are to still have Lost's Matthew Shepherd in our lives. We thought we'd do a little "Who Would You Rather: Dr. Ross vs. Dr. Shepherd?" but then we remembered Dr. McDreamy, played by Patrick Dempsey on Grey's Anatomy. Ah! So many sexy doctors, so little time—the perfect situation for a very important decision: which TV doctor do you marry, which do you fuck and which do you DNR?

Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome Worse than Celibacy, Death, or Sex with Zach Braff?

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 19:29:00 GMT

The top story on MSNBC right now: "US Home Prices Slide By 19%, Sharpest Decline on Record." The most-read story, though: "11 Baffling Medical Conditions," which the page on Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome leading the charge.

Before you get all excited about catching this illness, wait till you read about the symptoms...

While PSAS sounds like it could revive a floundering sex life, it's more likely to drive you batty first.

However, for the women who experience PSAS -- which causes them to live perpetually at the brink of orgasm -- the condition is a nightmarish curse. And up until 2001, it was a curse that didn't even have a name.

Relief from the condition is often as elusive as sympathy. The sensations, which are not brought about by fantasies or other sexual thoughts, are often only partially relieved through orgasm. For some women, even sex does not help quell their arousal, and on occasion can even make the sensations worse.

"To me this is a sickness," [Heather] Dearmon [a 34-year-old South Carolina woman] said. "This is not, it's not something we've chosen. ... I would rather never have another orgasm in my life for the rest of my life than to have this problem." [MSNBC]

Since so few women are willing to come forward, research and progress on developing a cure has never really gone anywhere. You have to wonder how many women are out there, perpetually on the brink of orgasm, and suffering quietly through work, carpools, drinks with friends, and so on...

Photo via Babble. By the way, we chose that photo because it was the first one that came up in Google Image when we searched for "persistent sexual arousal syndrome."

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Thing #234 Not to F*ck: A Pine Cone

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 17:25:00 GMT

A reminder to folks out there who aren't getting any action: sex toys, including dildos, vibrators, and other phallic devices are widely available, even in godforsaken Third World countries like Iraq and Texas.

One woman wishes she had known that before deciding to get closer to nature... a whole lot closer...

A friend from another land thought we would all appreciate the story of Mirjana Gavaric, a woman from Belgrade who recently underwent an operation to have a pine cone removed from her vagina. (The Sun confirms these details, although they aren't entirely reliable.) Gavaric told hospital staff that she had been walking in Serbia's capital when she came across a "finely-shaped" cone, much like the one we've pictured above, and couldn't resist. FYI, Ms. Gavaric, prostitutes are very cheap in Serbia-- much cheaper than the two hour operation you had to endure, we're sure.

How long before we start hearing about vicars with potatoes up their butts or women with pine cones in their hoo-has in the Bible Belt of America? We'll keep you posted...

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Vicar Happened to Be Naked When He Fell On the Potato... With His Ass

Sloppy Seconds: Joaquin Phoenix Fights His Audience

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 21:20:00 GMT

Clive Owen doesn't really enjoy sex with Julia Roberts. Honestly, we don't blame him.

Don't listen to that stupid conservative's argument that James Carville is just as bad as Rush Limbaugh.

Helen Hunt may be engaged. Remember that show Mad About You? Ah... you youngin's.

Church sex is the best sex. Just sayin'.

Twin doctors-- is there anything creepier (if you've seen that Jeremy Irons movie, that is)? This guy and his twin were involving in molesting young boys in their offices.

Isn't it time Joaquin Phoenix admitted his stupid Casey Affleck documentary is a mockumentary? His diving into the audience to fight someone in Miami at 2am this morning is the dumbest celebrity story since the last one we ran about Paris Hilton, whatever that was.

We reported on this sex scandal at a Jersey high school, but the Rolling Stone story (via the Times Online) is essential reading.

Anne Heche gave birth to a boy with another lover we won't be able to remember.

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"Why Does Steam Come Out of My Vagina?"

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 19:31:00 GMT

We were weighing another post about how eHow and Yahoo! Answers, among other hideous examples of free speech, are proving America is the dumbest and most unintentionally hilariously country in the United States, when this one question on our second least-favorite internet search engine became the web's top story of the day.

The "answers," while crude and downright offensive, are perhaps inevitable. It's all about setting up comedians for the punchline... if you do it well, you get a neat lil' joke. If you're asking for trouble, well... here's what you get:

Next time this happens, place a ceramic cup with 1 spoon of Nescafe Gold Blend, 2 sugars and a dash of milk between your legs.
Bon Apetite!

You won't die, but some ancient cultures believe in a pillow monster that lives in your vagina. This isnt acknowledged in modern medicine, however, the steam could be caused be the troll exhaling.

I think this means the pasta is done.

Unfortunately, your vagina is releasing harmful greenhouse gases that are contributing to global warming. I suggest that you capture the steam using a plastic bag or else you can cause a global catastrophe.

Does it smoke? Seriously, I have seen strippers perform this very trick. Perhaps after getting checked out, if there is nothing wrong, you might consider taking your act on the road.

As you might have guessed, every single one of these above comments were made by males (none of whom have avatars, let alone names or photos so we can shame them.) Unfortunately, though, the female responses were no better, ranging from the incoherent to "oh my God, better let a doctor take a look at you." It's called a gynecologist and they are available by appointment.

Now, the poor girl is talk, if not quite the toast-- of the internet, with inappropriate jokes made at her expense on everything from DListed to BuzzFeed. We'll pass-- these things just write themselves...

Via Yahoo!

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Top 10 Hottest Women Size 10 and Up

Emily Farris — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 16:57:00 GMT

Late last year, as men's magazines were coming out with their hottest women on the planet lists, we started to put together a list of hot, normal-sized women. As much as we hate the idea of having to create a separate list for women size 10 and up, we can't imagine the editors of FHM or Maxim drooling over a size 10 or 12. You can call Beyonce curvy all you want, she's probably still only a size 6. Hence the need for this list.

Unfortunately, we got stuck at around seven. We couldn't come up with ten relevant, prominent women who were the size of the average American woman (14) who could turn heads. Frustrated, we gave up on it. But last week, when we heard that Anna Wintour—who, to put it plainly, does not like fat girls—was going to fill the pages of Vogue with pictures of British songstress and former Crush of the Week Adele, we enlisted the help of our girlfriends to complete the list. It turns out most of them were frustrated, too, that they couldn't contribute more than one or two names. "This is sadly hard!!!" wrote one, to which we replied, "Actually, it's infuriatingly hard." But three months and 37 emails later, we have a list of ten amazingly hot women who we assume* wear a size 10 or larger. We know we've left plenty of beautiful women off of this list (and we hope you'll list them in the comments section), but we hope you'll enjoy Scanners Top 10 Hottest Women Size 10 and Up.

10. Keely Shaye Smith
Though she has an acting career of her own, we really only know Kelly Shaye Smith as Pierce Brosnan's wife—and unfortunately only because tabloids made terrible fun of some bikini photos of her. But we give Brosnan two thumbs up for his beautiful buxom bride of eight years.

[Image]

9. Missy Elliott
We have a hard time imagining Missy Elliot in anything but a trash bag, but once she ditched that getup, she got pretty damn hot. (Okay, she was hot then, but the trash bag really wasn't doing much for her.)

[Image]

8. Janet Weiss
Is there anything hotter than a chick who plays bass? How about a chick who plays drums? Janet Weiss, former drummer for the now defunct riot grrrl band Sleater-Kinney, now plays with Stephen Malkmus and the Jicks.

[Image]

7. Sara Ramirez
She was hot as George's wife, Callie Watts on Grey's Anatomy, but now that she's bringing some hot, lesbian action to the show, we imagine Sara Ramirez has earned herself a whole new set of fans (including us!).

[Image]

6. Adele
Had anyone heard of Adele before she made an appearance on what will forever be referred to as Sarah Palin's Saturday Night Live episode? Lucky for her, and us, everyone was watching. Just a few short months later, she took home a Grammy for Best New Artist.

[Image]

5. Jennifer Hudson
From American Idol to Dreamgirls to her 2009 Grammy Award for Best R&B Album, whenever we see Jennifer Hudson, we can't help but be proud of our own curves. We usually also put on a tight dress and dance around the house to Supremes albums.

[Image]

4. Neko Case
Men want her and women want to be her. Neko Case is a woman you can't help but like, and the ~~former~~ front woman for the New Pornographers is beautiful with her firey red hair and pale skin. At first we had a hard time believing Case was a 10, but we have it on very good authority (a friend who works in the music industry) that she is. And we like it.

[Image]

3. Queen Latifah
Easy, breezy, beautiful CoverGirl, actress, singer and rapper Queen Latifah has managed to reinvent herself enough to remain relevant—and smokin'—for 20 years. Here's hoping for another 20.

[Image]

2. Nigella Lawson
Without the T&A we all love so much, Nigella Lawson could probably squeeze that little waist of hers into a size 6. But we would hate for that to happen. Not only is she gorgeous, Lawson has gone through so much shit in her life (she lost her mother, her sister and her first husband to cancer) yet still manages to make sure we all eat enough chocolate.

[Image]

1. Christina Hendricks
We have to bow at the feet of Christina Hendricks for bringing Joan Holloway and her gorgeous curves into our lives, and back into the mainstream popular culture. While she likes her dresses snug, we heard from someone who used to share her clothes that she's most certainly a size 10. And on a scale of 1 to 10, a 10.

[Image]

*Disclaimer: This size thing is based purely on our own assumptions and/or input from people who claim to know. But being a size 10 ourselves, we're pretty good at guessing these things.

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This Week in Gayness: The Homophobic Celebrity Ad You Missed

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 18:45:00 GMT

The vandalization of a gay youth center on Long Island is being investigated as a possible hate crime.

Fleshbot has TV's hottest girl-on-girl makeout moments.

Cops are cruising dudes at New York City sex shops. The undercovers are entrapping them for prostitution charges by mentioning that they will pay for sex, then waiting approximately two seconds before other cops jump the gay guys and arrest them.

A junkie is whining that gays adopted her kids.

Is it time to boycott Fedex?

Gay marriage is legal in Canada, but even that didn't stop a Manitoba doctor for refusing to even treat lesbians.

Meanwhile, in another part of Canada, an interesting decision on sperm donors.

ESPN produced an ad starring Shaquille O'Neal that will blow your mind, once you realize it was made in the 21st century.

And new Illinois Governor Patrick Quinn keeps looking better and better: turns out he's a big fan of the gays.

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Doctor Sex is the New Teacher Sex

Emily Farris — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 17:07:00 GMT

In this economy, we care less about grades (because who can afford college, anyway?) and more about taking care of our basic needs, like food, clothing, shelter and prescription drugs. So it was only a matter of time before we'd start to hear of people exchanging their most valuable natural resource (sex) for a basic human need (drugs). It's been happening on the mean streets for years, but now a Pennsylvania doctor has been arrested for violating the drug act. And, of course, sexting.

Dr. Samuel Krakow might not have had too much trouble getting laid. Sure, his hairline was starting to recede, but he was a doctor, a doctor! But instead of good, old-fashioned dating, or even trolling craigslist for sex, Dr. Krakow—perhaps sensing his patients' economic strain—employed the barter system.

In exchange for prescription drugs (Oxycontin!) Krakow offered his man junk, in person and over the phone. Unfortunately, one of his "patients" turned out to be a police officer:

Authorities say, in January, police conducted an undercover investigation in which Krakow engaged in lewd and sexual communications with an undercover officer, and offered to deliver prescription drugs in exchange for sex.

Investigators say Krakow also sent the officer a photo of his penis over his cell phone.

In addition, police say, Dr. Krakow provided the undercover officer with a phone number for his former place of employment so that the undercover officer could confirm his status as a doctor who could provide any type of prescription pills.

Police set up an undercover operation on January 30th, in which they say Krakow agreed to meet and deliver Oxycontin pills in exchange for various sexual acts.

Once the drugs were delivered, the drug task force moved in and Krakow was arrested.

[ABC Action News: Doctor accused of drugs-for-sex scheme]

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[Image]

Woman Pregnant for 60 Years, Totally Fine

Emily Farris — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 19:59:00 GMT

When a 92-year-old Chinese woman went to the doctor complaining of stomach pain doctors were, uh, surprised to discover that she'd been pregnant for 60 years.

Huang Yijun suffered a (presumably late-term) miscarriage in 1948. When her doctors told her it would cost "more than the whole family earned in several years" to remove it, she decided to just leave it in there.

Dr Liu Anbin at Qingshen hospital said: "I couldn’t believe my eyes when I discovered she had a baby in her belly. I’ve been a doctor for more than 40 years and it’s the first time I have seen something like this."

That baby has been in her belly longer than he's been a doctor! Medics are now doing tests to determine if Huang needs an operation to remove the baby.

Consultant Xu Xianming, director of the Obstetrics and Gynecology department at the hospital, said, "Normally a dead foetus would decay. It’s very rare that Huang can be so healthy."

Um, yeah.

[The Sun: Pregnant for 60 years since 1948]

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Hey Fellas: Let Me See That Trowel Roll!

Emily Farris — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 18:37:00 GMT

Doctors in the UK would like you to know that gardening as little as 30 minutes a week can dramatically improve a man's performance in bed—but not because it teaches you to use your hands or cultivate your materials.

It's exercise. Of course, you could also get off your ass and take a hike or ride a bike or any other moderate activity, but gardening is the activity du jour.

As little as 30 minutes a week tending the garden or allotment can dramatically improve men's performance in bed, according to the experts in the field.

Digging, weeding or mowing the lawn for half an hour reduced men's risk of failing to live up to expectations in bed by more than a third, the survey found.

The same study showed other forms of moderate exercise, such as dancing and cycling, could have similar benefits.

Men who spend even more time in the vegetable patch can more than halve their risk of impotence, researchers at the Medical University of Vienna found in their study.

"Erectile function can be maintained even by low, regular physical activity," concludes the report. "Energy expenditure of as little as 1,000 calories a week reduces the risk. Doctors should use these findings to encourage their patients to do more physical training and adopt a healthier lifestyle."

[Telegraph: Gardening boosts men's sex lives, claims study]

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Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 14:06:00 GMT

Doctors have figured out how to prevent a large number of miscarriages.

Mickey Rourke and Sam Rockwell are in talks to play villains in Iron Man 2.

If Jeremy Piven turns out to have lied about his mercury poisoning, he could be in deep sheeeeiittt:

According to the New York Post, many involved with the production are pushing to have Piven's high mercury claims examined by a non-musclebound, non-teevee doctor, and they're hoping the result may "squeeze some money out of him."

[U]nder the Actors' Equity contract, the producers are entitled to have Piven's medical records examined by another doctor. If they suspect fraud, they can sue him. [Defamer]

Scarlett Johansson wants to open a brothel... in a movie.

Paris Hilton claims she's only slept with a few guys. In other news, "a few" is now "less than eight hundred."

Isn't there anyone besides Nicole Richie who could star in the Gossip Girl season finale?

Guy Ritchie's heist movies have such brilliant robbery ideas, these dudes decided to plagiarize one.

And Oklahoma introduced legislation to prohibit the teaching of evolution in schools. You'll know America has emerged from the dark ages when laws start getting passed that prevent anything besides evolution from being taught as possible fact.

And Ione Skye (star of Say Anything and River's Edge) and Ben Lee (ex-boyfriend of Claire Danes) married in India.

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Microchip To Make Sex Fiends, Nerds Out of All of Us

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 17:35:00 GMT

Are you one of those people who doesn't derive any pleasure from sex and/or eating?

Oxford University is all set to provide eyesight to your romantic blindness...

The chip works by sending tiny shocks from implanted electrodes in the brain.

The technology has been used in the United States to treat Parkinson's disease.

But in recent months scientists have been focusing on the area of the brain just behind the eyes known as the orbitofrontal cortex - this is associated with feelings of pleasure derived from eating and sex.

It turns out, a scientist implanted a microchip in the brain of a woman who doesn't enjoy sex and made a wild, insatiable beast of her.

A research survey conducted by Morten Kringelbach, senior fellow at Oxford University's department of psychiatry, found the orbitofrontal cortex could be a "new stimulation target" to help people suffering from anhedonia, an inability to experience pleasure from such activities. His findings are reported in the Nature Reviews Neuroscience journal.

There you have it, ladies, soon penis size won't matter, because you'll be pre-programmed to enjoy any stimulation whatsoever. Welcome to Stepford....

Via the Telegraph.

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Dad Uses Cheapo Supplements To Treat Daughter's Infected Heart, Girl Nearly Dies

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 17:52:00 GMT

When she was admitted to the hospital, one Australian girl was described by a doctor as "the sickest girl I've ever seen" and was running a temperature of 42 degrees Celsius. (For those of you keeping score in crazy America land, that would be about 107 degrees Fahrenheit.) Her mouth was peeling, black, and she could barely breathe thanks to her throat being stuffed with pills.

Now that she's confined to a wheelchair and suffering from brain damage, the eleven-year-old girl's father is off to six months in prison. But what is his crime?

According to various sources, it's not stuffing the pills down her throat or even waiting so long to take her to a doctor. It's the fact that he used alternative medicine-- in the form of widely discredited supplements called Mannatech, which aren't even supposed to treat anything. They're basically vitamins, according to the product's official website, which notes the pill is designed to optimize "skin, weight [loss], physical fitness and general health." When the girl's mother learned of her ex-husband's drug of choice, she decided not to intervene, lest he attempt to take away her custody.

Dad's lack of understanding of basic medicine, however, does not explain why he didn't take her to the hospital when her condition grew grave. The media is forgetting that it isn't the alternative medicine that's the biggest culprit here-- it's the parents' neglect. And before you say it's all Daddy's fault (he is mostly to blame, to be sure), let's not forget Mom worrying more about what's best for her and not gambling a bit of future paternity to intervene with, say, the police.

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Woman Nearly Forced Into Marriage Escapes To Britain

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 00:01:00 GMT

Not all forced marriages (i.e. parent-endorsed sexual slavery) end in miserable lifetimes for brides and/or grooms.

Sometimes, with the help of less ass-backwards friends and judges, bachelor(ettes) actually escape...

Today's story comes to us from Bangladesh, by way of the United Kingdom, the two homes of Humayra Abedin, a Bangladeshi-born doctor who recently graduated from Leeds University. Before she was able to obtain a position in her chosen field, she received news from back home that her mother was gravely ill. Once there, she either realized it was a trap to force her into marrying a local or, somehow and at some point, the family decided to hold her there against her will.

Luckily, Abedin was able to send word to a friend in England that her parents were holding her against her will and asking for help escaping the situation. As more and more people are refusing arranged marriages, the UK has reported a tremendous spikes in these kinds of distress calls. The interesting part is that, for the first time, the courts are siding with the victims.

But campaigners and the government say forced marriage remains significantly under-reported and the problem is more widespread than the figures suggest.
In the most serious cases kidnapping and sexual, physical and mental abuse are involved. In some instances victims have even been murdered. [BBC]

At least in this case, thanks to pressure from the British judicial system, the court in Bangladesh allowed Ms. Abedin to return to London, even scolding the parents and warning them that if they further meddled in their daughter's love life, they would be met with severe punishment. Yay!

Via various wire sources.

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Cure For AIDS Discovered? Or Is It HIV?

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 19:25:00 GMT

As Scanner Emily reported earlier, hemotologists in Berlin claim that a bone marrow transplant has cured an American patient of theirs of the AIDS virus. Or is it HIV? These things can be so confusing to the media, which hasn't given a shit about this issue since The Ryan White Story...

An American man who suffered from AIDS appears to have been cured of the disease 20 months after receiving a targeted bone marrow transplant normally used to fight leukemia, his doctors said.
While researchers — and the doctors themselves — caution that the case might be no more than a fluke, others say it may inspire a greater interest in gene therapy to fight the disease that claims 2 million lives each year. The virus has infected 33 million people worldwide.

Dr. Gero Huetter said Wedneday his 42-year-old patient, an American living in Berlin who was not identified, had been infected with the AIDS virus for more than a decade. But 20 months after undergoing a transplant of genetically selected bone marrow, he no longer shows signs of carrying the virus. [Yahoo! Health]

That's according to the AP. But the BBC has a different story, the one Emily reported on:

The researchers in Berlin said the man, who suffered from leukaemia and HIV, had shown no sign of either disease since the transplant two years ago.
But they stressed it was an unusual case which needed further investigation.
Experts said the result may boost interest in gene therapy for HIV.
Berlin's Charite clinic said the 42-year-old patient was an American living in Berlin, but the man has not been identified.

Either way, we're trying to stay positive (hey, at least it cured one person, whether or not anyone else is ever cured) although, yes, it could be a fluke... or a glitch in their readings... or poor research. Or some other answer that would automatically discount their findings.

But we're hoping that the 42-year-old patient goes on to live a long life... and that millions of other people are able to as well. What do you think?

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Who Would You Rather: Grey's Anatomy Lesbian Doctor Edition

Emily Farris — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 20:34:00 GMT

Last night's Grey's Anatomy was filled with all kinds of hilarity, including some guy's face being comedically peeled off, and Dr. Bailey's comarison of performing oral sex on a female to eating "stew on a piece of sour bread." (Huh?) Anyway, with that comment she was trying to help Dr. Callie Torres (Sara Ramirez, pictured left) become more comfortable with her new relationship with Dr. Erica Hahn (Brooke Smith, pictured right)—the show's first lesbian doctor couple.

Now, the question is, if you can't have them both at the same time (which you can't) which would you rather?

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When Swedish Doctors Go Down: The Upside Of A Kidney Infection

Ina Maier — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 17:53:00 GMT

A 44-year-old doctor in Stockholm (Those swedes! They're at it again...) is set to lose his license after preforming oral sex on a male patient. Apparently, the patient -- a young man -- developed an erection while being examined for kidney problems. And the doctor decided he needed some, well, sexual healing. So, what exactly went wrong?

Well, that's what we can't seem to figure out! The Swedish paper (Dagens Medicin) reports that whatever technique the doctor used "[caused] the patient to ejaculate," and that's when the patient had a sudden change of heart. And while we're not judging, it's this last part that has us so very intrigued...

The patient immediately regretted what had happened and received assistance from staff after he emerged from the doctor's treatment room...

That must've been a heck of a blowjob! (We're just sayin')

And lastly: Swedish Doctors! Not afraid to be service-y.

via The Local.

Photo via.

Chicago Doctor: "I've Treated Hundreds Of Unconsummated Marriages"

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 15:53:00 GMT

Dr. Domeena Renshaw, a professor of psychiatry at Loyola University in Illinois, has treated over two hundred unconsummated marriages in her 36 years. That may not seem like much on paper-- unconsummated marriages are believed to account for less than 1% of total marriages, but imagine going, as some couples have, 23 years of sleeping in the same bed without ever once having had sex...

Part of us says "WTF?!" while another part says, "It's touching how strong the bonds between these partners must be if they're sticking together after 23 years without ever having sex." There's something sweet about that, for sure...

"I would have thought it would have vanished by now," she says, "but [we're currently treating] two couples."
Nobody knows how many relationships - married or not - have yet to include intercourse despite both partners wishing they could get the party started... Another expert, Talli Rosenbaum, a private practice physical therapist in Israel who works with couples in unconsummated relationships, says she has treated "a couple hundred" over the past 15 years.

According to Renshaw, there are several reasons couples never get around to the bonking:

1) Erectile dysfunction (duh)

2) Other physical problems, such as vaginismus (which happens when a woman unwillingly clamps down the muscles in her vagina)

3) Poor knowledge about sexual functions (meaning, somehow, both partners don't know what their gentials are really for)

4) Religious conservatism (they want you to make lots of babies, but they don't want you to know how)

5) Or other complicated emotional reasons

The article goes on to say:

These possible organic causes are why most therapeutic sessions start with a thorough physical exam, followed by counseling and confidence boosting. Rosenbaum sometimes prescribes pelvic floor exercises for women, along with the use of plastic "dilators" of increasing thickness. Of course, men can be prescribed ED drugs, too.
Often, however, unconsummated marriage isn't really due to the workings of the penis or vagina. For example, medical reports show such marriages are more common in countries with strict religious cultures. A clinic in Istanbul reported treating 404 unconsummated marriages in just four years. An Iranian hospital evaluated 200 cases in two years.

Indeed, religious and cultural pressure can be a tremendous detriment to the wedding night, which can only spiral if intercourse isn't achieved as soon as possible. Families can get involved, oblivious to the fact their "helpfulness" is only making things worse. Still, we were totally surprised to learn this is a major phenomenon anywhere, even in India.

You can read more of this story at NBC.

Related:

Mildred Loving, The Mother of Interracial Marriage, Dead at 68

Just What The Doctor Ordered: Top 10 Health Benefits Provided By Sex

McLovin' Isn't All That Into Getting Freaky With You

10 Reasons the Recession Will Rock Your Love Life

Eight Ways Great Sex Will Make You Rich

Woman Decides Sex and Marriage Don't Go Together

Who Would You Rather: House vs. McDreamy

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 17:23:00 GMT

Plus the results of our "Who Would You Rather: Julie Newmar vs. Michelle Pfeiffer" Catwoman edition...

The winner... Julie Newmar, with 53% of the vote. (Of course, Eartha Kitt may have played third party spoiler in this case...)

Which is the bigger TV doctor sex symbol? Hugh Laurie, as the title character on Fox's "House, M.D." or Patrick Dempsey as Dr. McSteamy on ABC's "Grey's Anatomy"? Future philosophers will debate this very question over robot-made Red Bull Infused Hot Tea... or whatever they'll be doing in 2009...

Previously:

Who Would You Rather: Michelle Pfeiffer vs. Julie Newmar

Who Would You Rather, Celebrity Chef Edition: Gordon Ramsay vs. Bobby Flay?

Who Would You Rather?: Kanye West vs. Jay Z

Who Would You Rather: Founding Fathers Edition

Boy Dies From Urinary Tract Infection While Parents Pray

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 14:15:00 GMT

We're not out to attack religious people or anything. It's just that in the past few weeks, there have been a bevy of news stories out there in this country that happened to feature wackos who happened to be religious doing things that happen to be totally bonkers nutjob crazy.

Now we hear from Strollerderby and the AP that a boy in Oregon died from a urinary tract infection (!) after his parents failed to so much as request a catheter for him. The fucked up part about all this is that they might not even be charged in his death...

Oregon state law allows minors 14 and older to be responsible for their own medical decisions. The family in this case is claiming the boy made the conscious choice to eschew regular medicine and turn to prayer. The prayer failed when the blockage caused urea to poison the organs in his system, eventually leading to heart failure.

While we disagree with the notion that 14-year-olds can be responsible for their own wise medical decisions (we're in our late 20s and can't make any decision now, let alone a medical one), just like we don't think teenagers should spend their lives in prison for any reason, we respect this law, since it might be applied to abortions and other decisions the teenager wants to make on their own without parental interference. The problem is, in this case, if the boy changed his mind while he was bedridden and wanted to seek medical treatment for his bronchial pneumonia, his protectors wouldn't have helped him. (And the fact that when his condition got worse and worse despite their praying and they weren't willing to step back and say, "You know what? Maybe this praying thing isn't working out? We should defy God because our son is so precious to us?" Okay, wait, that sounds terrible... but you know what we mean-- this is just terrible. People can believe whatever they want, but when a child's life is at stake and you don't do anything, that's where the secular world should step in and, at the very least, make sure this family never lets a child die again.)

You can disagree, as we're sure some of you will, but this is only an opinion. Some people might say that we shouldn't tell others to compromise their beliefs for anything, not even to save a life. We respect that point of view, although respectfully disagree with it.

One more thing. Seriously, we're asking: is there a passage of the Bible that specifically mentions doctors, medical treatment, medicine and condemns every one of them? It's fine to pray, but if you break your arm, for example, don't you get a cast? Just wondering.

Via Strollerderby.

Hot, Lesbian Doctor Action Coming to Tonight's "Grey's Anatomy?"

Emily Farris — Thu, 08 May 2008 13:33:00 GMT

We're maybe, slightly, a little obsessed with Grey's Anatomy. We don't write about it so much because 1. we're a little embarrassed and 2. there hasn't been any hot, medical lesbian action. Until now, anyway.

If last week's episode was any indication (and we're pretty almost sure it most certainly maybe was) Dr. Callie Torres (Sara Ramirez) and Dr. Erica Hahn (Brooke Smith) are in loooove. If this is true, we'll be so happy that Callie found love after what George did to her, even though he was all fucked up at the time and we can't really blame him for it.

Ah, and if they can make sperm from one or the other's bone marrow, think how smart their babies would be!

However, if Torres and Hahn don't get just as much air time in the on-call room as all the other slutty characters, we're sending somebody an angry letter.

[After Ellen: A Lesbian Relationship on "Grey's Anatomy"?]

Video of the Day: Doctors in The Philippines Remove a Can From a Man's Ass, Get a Good Laugh

Emily Farris — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 15:11:00 GMT

Doctors in the Philippines recently removed what appeared to be a can of Axe Body Spray from a man's ass after a "drinking spree" and "one night stand." Apparently he was too drunk to remember the details of how the can made its way up his ass, and needed some serious assistance getting it out. However, the doctors may have had a little too much fun removing the can (as we see in the video), and the ass man is pissed.

The nearly 3-minute video of a noisy operating room shows doctors and nurses laughing, giggling and cheering. At one point, a hand appears with a cell phone camera taking a close-up picture of the surgery. As a doctor gingerly pulls out the 6-inch long canister from the male patient's rectum, someone shouts, "Baby out!" amid loud cheers. The doctor then removes the canister cap and sprays the contents toward the crowd of nurses and doctors viewing the procedure.

The video has angered the unidentified patient who plans to press charges, his lawyer Guiller Ceniza said Wednesday.

The government-run Vicente Sotto Memorial Medical Center in the central city of Cebu, where the surgery took place, is conducting an investigation, a spokesman said Wednesday.

Dr. Emmanuel Gines said more than 10 people were involved — including staff and medical and nursing students from a nearby operating room.

He said the hospital takes videos of surgeries of peculiar cases, but only with the consent of the patient.

Dr. Jose Sabili, president of the Philippine Medical Association, told on Wednesday the group will conduct an investigation if a formal complaint is filed and doctors found violating medical ethics could be suspended or expelled from the association, which would result in the suspension or termination of their state health insurance accreditation.

The results of the investigation could also be used by the Professional Regulations Commission to suspend or revoke their licenses, Sabili said.

"I believe what they did was very blatant," he said.

We'd probably be a little upset, too. Hell, who are we kidding? We'd post it on our blog and send it to everyone we know.

[LiveLeak: Philippine surgeons cheer after removing a 6 inch body spray canister from drunk patient's rectum]

Today in WTF?: Checking for Two Penises

Emily Farris — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 14:11:00 GMT

Best or worst job ever: checking alleged drug abusers for two penises?

Authorities in northern Sweden have discovered that some drug abusers have been using false penises to help them submit fake urine samples.

Private physician Leo Hassler said that he had changed his procedures for patients coming to give urine samples. If they needed a clean sample to retain their driving licence, for example, the doctor said he made sure to double check the authenticity of the patient's organ.
"Ever since I became aware of this false penis cheating method I check their underpants to ensure there is only one penis," Hassler told the Norrländska Socialdemokraten newspaper.

We were really confused about the mechanics of all this until we googled "fake penis" and found The Original Whizzinator. But then again, we thought the people in our hometown were skinny and had fucked-up teeth because they were poor.

[The Local: 'I check their underpants to ensure there is only one penis']

Rumor Mongering (or Simple Math): Is Naomi Campbell's Vagina Infected?

Emily Farris — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 20:51:00 GMT

As Scanner Bryan told us earlier, PageSix was reporting that Naomi Campbell was hospitalized in Sao Paulo to have a cyst removed. But CNN is reporting that she's "being treated by one of Brazil's top specialists in infectious disease" and... a gynecologist?

Most "diseases" that we know of that warrant a gynecologist aren't necessarily infectious. But what do we know, really? Though we did have a friend who had a very, very smelly vagina infection once (vaginitis). But an infection isn't really a disease. Maybe she has some crazy Brazilian strain of yeast infection and they're just being extra cautious? Or maybe PageSix was right and it's a long-gone cyst. Whatever is wrong with Naomi's vajayjay, doctors are keeping quiet. But we wish Naomi and her vagina the best and hope they're back to work very soon.

[CNN: Model Naomi Campbell hospitalized]

[Image via]

Women Pays For Implants Entirely With Online Donations

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 15:30:00 GMT

Why a woman in a with a "supportive" and understanding boyfriend, not to mention a child, needs breast implants to feel better about herself, and why her man isn't alarmed, is beyond us. Then again, we (Scanner Bryan not included) have never been breast men. We have to admit to scratching our collective heads over the recent news stories about the first Canadian woman to raise her boob funds entirely through anonymous online donations.

We've always been of the opinion that a woman with fake breasts is either a hot stripper (not girlfriend material) or a single fifty-year-old (not girlfriend material) or, well, just not girlfriend material. It's what we Americans call "a big-ass red flag." What does it say about a person who not only wants breast implants to feel some sense of self worth but also seeks the money for such an operation by scouring for anonymous online donations and flirting with creepy boob-crazed strangers at myfreeimplants.com?

Since joining the site in October 2006, [Candace] Leadley chatted with men around the world and posted photos of herself online to raise the roughly $9,000 needed for surgery.
Donations ranged from $10 to $250, she said, and came from men around the world.

Indeed, more importantly, who are these strange men who cough up half a paycheck to a chick they won't ever even see naked? Is this a new fetish that's going around?

And most importantly, are those tetas pictured above real? Your guesstimation, Doctor, in the comments. (And yes, we know the answer.)

Can High Heels Improve Your Sex Life? One Doctor Thinks So

Emily Farris — Mon, 04 Feb 2008 20:33:00 GMT

Dudes, you should know that high heels are not the most comfortable shoes in the world. In fact, they may be the most uncomfortable. After a few hours of walking in heels, there's nothing we want more than to take them off. But we wear them because we know we look good in them, and we also know that you probably fantasize about doing a woman wearing nothing but her heels. Now we have another reason to slip into our sexy shoes, and keep them on.

New research suggests that high heels may improve your sex life by helping to develop pelvic floor muscles. Now, it should be noted that the study was conducted by an Italian urologist who is a self-professed lover of sexy shoes, but still, we'll go with it.

[BBC News: High heels 'may improve sex life']

[Image via platinumdolls.com]

(Thanks, Caitlin!)