Scanner : depressed

Everyone Will Get Laid This Year

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 16:30:00 GMT

If we told all our readers that they are going to get laid this year, we'd be right nine times out of ten. However, since we're not trusted authorities on sex or anything, perhaps you would prefer a more trusted source of completely irrational predictions.

The Futurist magazine, published by the World Future Society, which "investigates how social, economic and technological developments are shaping the future," claims that 2009 is the year we will all be having lots of hot action...

According to the Futurists (and excerpts from their magazine published by News.com.au), one of the predictions for the year is:

"Americans may turn away from antidepressants."

According to the anthropologist who made this call, the 100-million antidepressant prescriptions Americans take "kill the sex drive" but many may quit taking them, one surmises, so they can participate in the general randiness of women having more economic power.

...based on no evidence whatsoever. Yeah, knowing how bad the economy is going, we seriously doubt Americans will choose 2009 as the year to give up taking prescription drugs (although, since they're all out of work, they may not be able to afford "luxury" purchase like pharmaceuticals.) Other psychic moments:

"Everything you say and do may be recorded."

Creepy, unless you think about the fact that you Twitter, Facebook, MySpace, blog, text, and e-mail everyone all day-- in which case, you realize you are your own Big Brother.

"Retirees will increasingly return to the work force."
"Flying cars may be on the way at last."
"Increases in the Earth's temperature, no matter how slight, could trigger global mayhem and destruction."

The Amazon rain forest would become a desert, the glaciers would disappear and, "conflict over scarce resources would most likely cause human civilisation to collapse".

Enjoy our time on Earth while it lasts, you sex fiends!

Related:

Scanner Brian's Year in Review

Jack Kerouac's New Year's Resolutions

No, Wait, the Lithuanian Playboy Calendar Is What We Really Wanted

This Porno Parsnip Has a Wee Peen

Bill Murray Becomes His Character From Rushmore

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 15:10:00 GMT

When we were in high school, we were one of the last actors to get a call to read for the lead role in Rushmore. But before we could finalize the appointment, Jason Schwartzman was cast and went on to, um, semi-fame.

Anyway, our biggest disappointment about the experience was not getting to mess with Bill Murray all day, especially in the sequence where Max (the Schwartzman character) tries out a bunch of (comic) methods to kill Murray's Herman Blume, who is too busy smoking and drinking himself toward divorce to notice.

Now, Murray has broken his silence about his real-life divorce and internal suffering, saying that kind of life isn't as fun as Blume made it out to be in the film...

Here are the highlights... including word of a Ghostbusters III, woo hoo:

Murray said he identified anew with those characters -- like the dour Herman Blume in "Rushmore" -- when his wife of nearly 11 years filed for divorce in May. In the papers filed by Jennifer Butler Murray, she alleged that Murray abused her and was addicted to alcohol and marijuana.
"That was devastating," Murray said. "That was the worst thing that ever happened to me in my entire life."
Murray said his lowest point came a few weeks ago. When friends asked if he wanted to participate in an air show to support the Illinois United Service Organizations (Murray grew up outside Chicago), he accepted the skydiving invitation.

"They asked me on a day I didn't care," said Murray. "I didn't even care if there was a parachute..."

The writers of "The Office" have been hired to pen a "Ghostbusters III," which Murray thinks could offer a fresh take on the films, the second of which he (and many others) found disappointing.

We're not sure the fact that he doesn't refute any of his ex-wife's charges may not return him to Scanner Emily's good graces, but we feel for the guy: he sounds genuinely sorry for having screwed up...

Read the rest at CNN.com.

Related:

Top 10 Celebrities Who Are Probably Cool In Real Life

Sloppy Seconds: Are Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner Really Splitting Up?

Bill Murray: Back on The Market But Do We Want Him?

Study: Cyber Sex Can Cause Major Depression

Emily Farris — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 19:38:00 GMT

A new study out of Australia has linked cybersex and depression, claiming that people who frequent online sex sites have alarmingly high rates of depression, anxiety and stress.

What’s more, people who seek out cyber sex typically devote hours a day to the covert activity, the study found. The Australian research also revealed that overwhelmingly male, well-educated, and aged anywhere from 18 to 80 indulge in such kind of ‘pleasure’.

They spend an average of just over 12 hours on the sites each week – mostly chatting, participating in cyber sex with webcams, downloading video and images, or sending erotic emails, the study found.

The research revealed that more than 65 per cent of the 1325 American and Australian men surveyed said they had met someone off line that they had first encountered online.

The article says nothing about women, so we'd be interested to see if the study covered the ladies as well.

While we absolutely understand the appeal of cyber sex for some people, we imagine that using it in place of the real thing could get pretty fucking depressing after a while. Or maybe that's just a girl thing? Or maybe all those new Dentyne ads are right?

[Times of India: Cyber sex can cause ‘major’ depression]