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Sloppy Seconds: What Do David Lynch and The Dalai Lama Have in Common?

Emily Farris — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 23:33:00 GMT

Porn: it's where your tax dollars are going. [KMBC-TV]

A Rod—or that dude Madonna was fucking, depending on what kind-of news you follow—has admitted to using performance enhancing drugs. You know, for baseball. [Jossip]

It has been confirmed that Rihanna was the woman Chris Brown assaulted on Saturday, resulting in both of their absences at yesterday's Grammy Awards show. [FadedYouth]

How many times does Jodie Sweetin have to tell you she's no longer a Meth addict? [People]

A 16-year-old prisoner was found in the back of a judge's car. Unfortunately, it's not as exciting as it sounds. [The Macomb Daily]

Dude! The Dalai Lama is Twittering! [Yahoo!]

So is David Lynch! [Twitter]

Who'd You Rather: Adorably Artso Directors With Big White Hair

Colleen Kane — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 19:04:00 GMT

In this corner, Jim Jarmusch, and in this corner, David Lynch.

On what tenuous thread are we claiming this edition of Who'd You Rather is related to the news?

Here goes: David Lynch has a Twitter account in which he basically just gives the weather report for L.A. each morning. You can watch him do it, too, on his website. Also, one of the few Twitterers he follows is LeVar Burton, who some of you might rembember from a program called "Reading Rainbow" (also some show called "Star Trek" or something). Isn't DL loveable?

And Twitter is in the news because it broke the story of the plane in the Hudson yesterday, and also because Scanner Colleen and Scanner Emily had dual breakdowns in the past day in their resolve to not Twitter, and began tweeting or chirping or whatever you call it.

Soooo, who'd you rather?

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Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 21:05:00 GMT

You get a bonus 6th video this week, thanks to our being unable to decide between the two best scenes in a certain David Lynch movie...

5. Gia. Angelina Jolie rocketed to (semi-)stardom following her Golden Globe win for this hugely successful TV movie. There are many, many sex scenes in this film (could that be the reason it wasn't released theatrically?)-- we picked this one at random, but they're all worth checking out in their own ways.

4. Wild Things. This is more like an entry for "Top 5 Orgy Sex Scenes" or something, but there is some nice girl-on-girl, even if Matt Dillon does get in the way.

3. Better Than Chocolate. We almost included the jailbait-y Thirteen in this list, but nah. This is softcore porn for lesbians, sort of the cinematic L Word. We think that'll give you some idea of what's to come in this 4-minute clip, with the sexy stuff starting about a minute in...

2 (tie). Mulholland Drive. Still arguably the best movie so far this century, this scary-as-fuck freakshow grips you from the first frame to the widely-discussed last. Part of the reason is unquestionably these two sex scenes, one of which is our second favorite of all time. (We think you can guess which.)

1. Bound. Yeah, yeah. You saw this pick coming as soon as you saw the word "Lesbian" in our headline. Good for you. Now, settle down... we're trying to enjoy this...

Gina Gershon & Jennifer Tilly Lesbian Scene - Click here for more amazing videos

Runners Up: High Art, Thirteen, Monster, Showgirls and the Hunger (which we covered in our Top 5 Sex Scenes From the 1980s list), plus whatever you nominate in the comments section. Hell, we will probably end up doing a Part Two somewhere down the road...

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Top 5 Sex Scenes From the 1990s

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 20:25:00 GMT

This could've been a Top 5 Scenes with Antonio Banderas list, he was in so many sexy movies after Mambo Kings broke him in America... but we'll spare you that and only use a few of his films for this, our totally incomplete list of the hottest sex in mainstream movies in the decade that time forgot...

5. Desperado. We're tempted to make an Eagles joke here (something about "coming to your senses and just enjoy the sex for what it is"), but we won't put this one down. Despite the cheesy Cinemax lighting and softcore porn music, it's still memorable... which says more about Salma Hayek's boobs than anything else...

4. Never Talk To Strangers. Here's Antonio again, just coincidentally, we swear. If it wasn't for the cage, this sex scene would be totally laughable. Well, we'll admit it's still eyeroll-enducing... but that never stopped us from enjoying it in all its three-minute glory.

3. The Doom Generation. Although this video is strangely without sound, it's much better than the other clips we've been able to find. (Try searching on YouTube and you'll get the bathtub scene coupled with a Nine Inch Nails song that doesn't help.)

2. Wild At Heart. This is David Lynch's award-winning creeper from the early part of the decade. Would it be redundant then, since we mentioned it's a Lynch film, to mention the sex scene is arousing and somehow weird without even trying?

Video plays automatically, so it's linked here. Don't miss it.

1. Basic Instinct. This is the unrated version of the most famous sex scene of the decade, a version we find surprisingly less appealing. In the interest of full disclosure: this is the best sex scene of all-time. Period. And Howard Stern agrees, so it's not just me...

Runner Ups: Tie Me Up, Tie Me Down (would have made this list if we could've found the scene online), Revenge, Sliver (nah), and a few more from the comments section of this post (have at it.)

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Video of the Day: Pequeña Amy Winehouse

Bryan Christian — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 16:09:00 GMT

... a.k.a., a trailer for the greatest biopic David Lynch never directed.

Spank Me/It: The Nastiest Sex Scenes Ever

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 18:49:00 GMT

You ever see a sex scene that turns you on and repulses you at the same time?

5. Maggie Gyllenhaal in "Secretary." Easily the #1 "Hottest on-screen sex scene" for females on Nerve personals, this would be way sexier for us dudes if Maggie Gyllenhaal was, um, actually hot. Nevertheless, this ends up being nasty in a good way, whereas we're not so sure about the rest of this list...

4. Speaking of Maggie, her whorish manueverings in "Sherrybaby" more than make up for her lack of hotness. The sex scenes in this 2006 indie downer are definitely guilty pleasures, as Jake's sis offers up a quid pro quo blow that turns us on and makes us feel guilty for it at the same time. Here's Gyllenhaal discussing the exhausting process of making the film, as if you care. And because this is what you really want, here are the boobies.

3. "Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me"-- remember this one? If you've seen the movie, you already know this refers to Laura Palmer getting nailed in her sleep by a mysterious figure and waking up to find out it's, barf, her Dad.

2. Carrie Fisher in "Return of the Jedi." We realized this when we saw the new posters for Spike's "Star Wars" marathon; Fisher is featured on one of them. It reminded us that seeing her chained to The Blob, i.e. Pizza the Hut, was majorly hot to us from age 8 through 26. Watch a montage here and remember why it gave you a funny feeling you didn't know you could have, way back in 1983.

1. "Tie Me Up Tie Me Down." Even the title of this Almodovar kink classic is erotic. Antonio Banderas, very pre-Melanie, kidnaps the object of his affections and lashes her to the bed. She realizes, partway through her ordeal, that he's Antonio Banderas and that maybe she wanted this after all. Once again, kind of nasty and erotic and repulsive in that "Talk To Her" kind of way (only way less offensive this time), Almodovar has a knack for turning us on and making us question whether we should be getting turned on. (Key line: "The only thing they left alone was my cock.")

Other nominees for nastiest sex scene ever included:

"Storytelling" (heartless, repulsive sex with your professor)
"Requim For A Dream" (2 girls + 1 toy)
"The Piano" (sex with Harvey Keitel in return for Oscar nomination?)
"My Beautiful Laundrette" (only nasty if you're some sort of homophobe who wouldn't normally get turned on by a young Daniel Day Lewis tearing some guy apart just because it's a guy instead of Lena Olin)
Natassja Kinski tied to a bed, having very hot sex, trying to keep her claws from coming out and tearing her boyfriend apart in "Cat People."

American Idolatry: Cast You Vote!

Katie Halper — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 21:19:00 GMT

We're pretty sure that Jason Castro's cover Hallelujah on last night's American Idol was sacrilege. And we're torn between two emotions. On the one hand we are relieved that Jeff Buckley isn't around to see his version of the Leonard Cohen song American Idol-ized. But we are sad that the late singer's eternal slumber had to be disturbed by Castro's Hallelujah, which, we imagine, has Jeff rocking and rolling in his grave. But did you know that Jason is only the latest reality TV talent search contestant to cover Hallelujah?

Unless you're a die hard fan of Swedish Idol, like we are, you probably don't. But Amanda Jenssen sjunger'd the song on Swedish Idol in 2007. So who does the song more justice? Readers, exercise your Scannercratic rights and vote for the next International Hallelujah-Covering Idol.

In all seriousness, which version do you like the best? In addition to the Idolatrous versions, here are covers by K.D. Lang,Jeff Buckley, Rufus Wainwright, and John Cale. And here is a a self cover by Leonard Cohen in a video that was either directed by David Lynch or was a skit on SNL.

For the Jeff Buckley version, click here. The other ones are embedded below:

Holiday Gift Guide: 'Twin Peaks' DVD set

Michael Martin — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 13:00:00 GMT

If you're a fan of serial television, detective stories, small towns, avant-garde filmmakers, sinister pop-jazz, Kyle MacLachlan or dancing, backward-talking dwarfs, do not — repeat, do not — miss Twin Peaks: The Definitive Gold Box Edition. Not only does it collect the entire groundbreaking series, it includes a vintage SNL parody wherein MacLachlan desperately tries to find excuses to stay in Twin Peaks after the mystery is solved. It's a position with which the addicted viewer might sympathize. ($72.99, Amazon.com) — Peter Smith