Scanner : david duchovny

What Took VH1 So Long To Do A Reality Show About Celebrity Sex Addicts?

Emily Farris — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 21:11:00 GMT

VIA THE REMOTE ISLAND: Dammit. We'll totally watch, and hate ourselves for doing so...

Sloppy Seconds: Because We'd Like to Keep Our Jobs

Emily Farris — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 23:17:00 GMT

Attention sex fiends, er Scanner Readers, Californication has been picked up for a third season. [Vulture]

Which is worse? That 40% of women can't have orgasms, or that only 12% of women think that's a problem? Maybe we're just not satisfied? [Jezebel]

Madonna and A-Rod are still claiming to be "just friends." Mmmhmmm. [People]

Which well-built actor has been bought a bra for Christmas by a disgruntled ex as a dig about his moobs? [Mirror]

O.J. Simpson is finally headed to jail. And he's sorry. [Faded Youth]

Holy shit. 533,000 people in the U.S. lost their jobs in November. [NYT ]

Image via NYT.com

Sloppy Seconds: The Grey's Anatomy Lesbian Controversy

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 21:31:00 GMT

We're wrapping up early today so we can stay glued to the TV. Check out our election thread here.

The Examiner examined the worst celebrity magazine covers of all time. Guess how many are David Duchovny photos?

Another naked prank went wrong.

How the hell did this end up in a kid's Halloween candy bag?

When their children returned from Halloween trick-or-treating, a couple found suspected methamphetamine and $85 in cash among their 7-year-old son's Snickers bars and Skittles. Lars and Shelly Brosdahl called police, who confirmed that the substance was methamphetamine, worth up to $200 on the street. [AP/Yahoo]

An enraged husband and his two brothers got a drunk and cut off his dick as revenge for a supposed sex act committed with the enraged man's wife.

A man who raped a horse got off easy. (No pun intended, please!)

Brooke Smith's role as Dr. Erica Hahn on Grey's Anatomy is over. Do you think it's discrimination? The argument didn't convince us either way.

And the Kate Winslet-Vanity Fair photos Scanner Emily posted yesterday are causing the predictable controvsery. Airbrushed? Photoshopped? Who cares?

Related:

Kate Winslet Takes it Off for Vanity Fair

Woman Kills Rapist With Shotgun Blast Through Her Front Door

While You Were Sleeping: The Naked Mannequin Orgy

Gisele Bundchen Finds Another Excuse To Take Off Her Clothes

20-Year-Old Teacher Strips For Her Students... On Video

And You Thought Bill Clinton Was A Sex-Crazed Politician...

Britney Spears Is (Almost) Not Completely Repulsive In Her New Video

While You Were Sleeping: The Facebook Firing

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 13:51:00 GMT

It became apparent that a Boston-area football coach was stealing from the school's uniform fund when he made an ATM withdrawal of $500 at 1am while standing next to a strip club.

A teacher in a Daytona-area school district was busted for some sleazy motel sex with her seventeen-year-old male charge.

Miss Louisiana Teen USA lost her title in the most embarrassing way imaginable: for skipping out on a restaurant check (what, they don't pay you enough, toots?) and, adding arrest to injury, leaving her marijuana behind.

David Duchovny filed a lawsuit over that tennis-pro-cheating bullshit story.

We always knew there'd eventual be a news story about some dummy getting busted by their boss for revealing, via a Facebook status update, that they are not actually "sick at home."

[H]e was found out when his boss spotted this Facebook profile update on the day in question, August 21: "Kyle Doyle is not going to work, f*** it I'm still trashed. SICKIE WOO!"

Ha ha, dickweed. Speaking of dickweeds, this guy claimed he was on his way to see Beyonce and that's why a cop shouldn't arrest him for driving like a drunk driver.

A Florida website about politics: "Top 5 reasons McCain could still win." No mention of what our #1 reason would be: "FLORIDA."

Related:

I Wasn't Going to Live Blog the Debate...

World's Greatest Mom Defends Daughter's Honor... Shotgun Style

While You Were Sleeping: Drunk Cheerleaders Make Sports Watchable Again

12-Year-Old Boy Gets Arrested For Attacking Pregnant Teacher, Threatening To Kill Her

Junior High Teacher Charged With... Oh My...

While You Were Sleeping: Beyonce Is One Sexy Cop

While You Were Sleeping: David Duchovny Can't Keep It Together

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 13:08:00 GMT

Is it wrong too arrest a man in a wheelchair... for driving while intoxicated?

Playboy cut 80 jobs thanks to the terrible economy.

Britney Spears is on top of the world again...

...she's back on top of the U.S. charts thanks to a record-breaking sales week. The singer's "Womanizer" tune has scored the biggest chart jump to number one in Billboard Hot 100 history after rocketing up 95 spots from last week's 96 to get there. [The song still blows. -Ed.]
It's the first time Spears has been on top since her debut single "...Baby One More Time" hit number one at the beginning of 1999. [Starpulse]

Today in Politicians Who Apparently Have Nothing Better To Do: the idiot in Nebraska who filed a lawsuit against God has seen his dreams shattered.

Janet Jackson was apparently suffering from vertigo, is back on tour, and likes loud goddamned explosions.

Strip clubs have turned to the "free flu shot" gimmick to attract business. (Or is it the other way around?)

David Duchovy and Tea Leoni apparently could not work it out. A spokesperson admitted the two have actually been separated for months, with no signs of a turnaround.

Related:

Britney Spears Is (Almost) Not Completely Repulsive In Her New Video

While You Were Sleeping: All The Harry Potter Kids Are Getting Naked

Have We Finally Found Stills from the Britney Spears Sex Tape?

Scanner Highs And Lows: Michael Phelps Rules The Blog

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 21:55:00 GMT

We held onto the Olympics for dear life, we'll admit, but after this last look back at the week's highlights, it may be time to say adios...

...until next week, when more nude Olympians are sure to grace us with their leaked online photos... or maybe Republicans are caught with strippers...

HIGHS:

...since Democrats don't seem to enjoy them.

We have to hand it to John McCain for making it an historic election now, no matter who wins.

Enough about McCain, here's to a true hero: Michael Phelps, who is now spending his days giving kids swimming lessons, apparently.

Matthew McConaughey's mom is kind of a sexual hero, in a way. Really.

We're proud to have had a transgender Crush of the Week, although we're pretty sure she won't go out with us no matter how much we kiss her ass.

Eva Longoria Circa A Few Years Ago is kind of our runner-up Crush of the Week.

LOWS:

This post would've been called Last of the Nude Olympians... if they were actually Olympians.

Hopefully, Olympians won't have to stoop to making straight-to-DVD sex movies. Blurry sex tapes will do just fine, thanks.

If you were wondering why we enjoy photos of women athletes who have bodies like rocks (of Gibraltar), a reminder of a possible alternative.

So we've established Ms. Marsh is not among the sexy people... are you?

Seriously, we do wish Mulder luck in rehab, despite what you may think.

This guy is world's worst liar.

Something we can all argue about civilly: this show may or may not be terrible.

Speaking of lying, somebody lied to us when they said Toy Story was animated, damn it.

The XXX Files: Mulder Loves Poon, Porn, Or... Scully?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 17:22:00 GMT

This post was written by Sean Flanagan, our guest blogger, and Brian Fairbanks

As Scanner Brian told you this morning, David Duchovny joined the League of Hollywood Horndogs and has now entered rehab for Bill Clintonitis: sex addiction...

Please, look up at the picture now.

Him?

To have rehab worthy addiction, and to assume a public embarrassment, one must assume that he was wanting it (and maybe even getting it) so much that sex became detrimental to his family life and career.

Him? That guy with the cup over his balls? He's married to Tea Leoni. We don't blame him for having sexual addiction. (Unless, of course, this is really all about homey having a hooker habit. That or he couldn't stop rubbing up against his co-workers. Or the corner of tables and desks to get off. Or... or or or...)

Mulder, please get better. We would really like to see an X-Files 3, one that would actually answer any of the convoluted plot points that the series ended on instead of a mediocre stand-alone story that was basically a rip off of Silence of the Lambs with Frankensteins.

Which sounds cool on paper, I don't blame you for doing it. But the world is supposed to end in 2012 and you were on the run from Super Soldiers. What happened?

Scully Wants Mulder To Die Masturbating in "X-Files 3"

Red Hot Chili Peppers Sue Showtime For Besmirching Their Sterling Reputation

Porn Poll: How Do You Like Your Porn?

The Top 5 Hollywood Players Who Did Porn

While You Were Sleeping: All The Harry Potter Kids Are Getting Naked

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 13:42:00 GMT

Wonderful: right as Michael Lohan is tearing his daughter's life apart, his father dies. Maybe Michael will reassess his values now that the guy had to go out right in the middle of an embarrassingly public family dispute.

We missed out on Michael Phelps giving swimming lessons at the Y.

Is David Duchovny having an affair of just trying to promote his show, Californication, with this latest shocking report?

David Duchovny has entered a rehabilitation facility for sex addiction. [His reps] declined to elaborate further.
Duchovny plays a sex-obsessed character on the Showtime series...

In Other News:

John McCain will announce his VP today in a bad to take Obama down a notch after last night's historic speech.

Talk about historic: a man proposed to his lady at Mile High, right as Al Gore took the stage-- and Wonkette was sitting right behind them!

BREAKING: The RNC is considering delaying the start of the convention because of Hurricane Gustav... they don't want a reminder of Katrina hanging over their convention... Scott McClellan thinks this will allow Bush to blow off the convention unnoticed, since he is a political liability anyway... read more at the Washington Post.

By the way, this is the greatest post you'll read all day. Even if you don't agree with its politics, you'll certainly (we hope) agree that sicko religious zealots should be laughed out of stadiums everywhere:

Y'all remember the AP report of a "short video produced by Focus on the Family Action shows a man with an umbrella talking about his wish for rain as he stands in front of Invesco Field [before Obama spoke there]. The man in the video explains his desire for rain by saying he's against abortion and gay marriage and says he's "just an ordinary guy" who's looking for people to pray for rain?"

And y'all remember how hurricane Katrina was supposed to be God's punishment for New Orleans sinful ways?

So what will y'all think if next week's Republican Convention (yawn) is eclipsed by landfall in the US of not one but two hurricanes?

Y'all think there's a lesson in there somewhere? [End of post - Ed.]

A school district near Atlanta lost its accreditation, the first such case in 40 years, mainly for ethics violations by board members.

And Rupert Grint, who plays Ron Weasley in the Harry Potsmoker movies, is doing his first stripping/naked/sex scene-- or something like that. He's "stripping off for"

his first sex scene for Cherry Bomb and is excited about the flick.
'I loved the script,' he tells The Metro. 'It was quite a challenge.'

Getting naked is nothing, Rupert. Hell, Daniel Radcliffe does that every night. (PS: Hmmm... Cherry Bomb, you say? How can we be sure it's not some Virgin Teens Dot Com movie or something?)

Image via AOL.

Related:

Daniel Radcliff Is Not So Fond of Pants

Lily Allen and Kids From "Harry Potter" Form Youngest, Most Adorablest Love Triangle Ever!

Scully Wants Mulder To Die Masturbating in "X-Files 3"

Mick Jagger: "Performing is Like Sex"

Does Michael Phelps' New Girlfriend Wear Fins or Stilettos?

Michael Phelps Dresses... Up?

Who Would You Rather: Keeley Hazell or Sara Boberg?

Scully Wants Mulder To Die Masturbating in "X-Files 3"

Bryan Christian — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 15:00:00 GMT

Not that it will actually happen, but this weekend at San Francisco's WonderCon -- that's like "nerdsplosion" if you don't speak geek -- Gillian Anderson gave us a saucy little peak at what she'd like to see in the next-next X-Files movie.

A fan asks the [X-Files 2] panel if there are any stories they wish they'd had a chance to explore in X-Files. After David Duchovny hems and haws about how the new movie is sort of exploring Picture of Dorian Gray, Gillian Anderson lets this one drop: "I always thought Mulder should have explored autoerotic asphyxiation. That'll be XF3."

OK, now if you're just a casual sci-fi enthusiast, you might be thinking "Woah, Scully's a total random perv!" But as any X-Files fan worth their weight in black oil will know, that's actually a joke referencing the Emmy-winning third season episode "Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose," which starred Peter Boyle as a bummed out psychic who predicts Mulder will die with his dick in his hand and a belt around his neck. So, there's probably a -1,013% chance that we'll actually see this happen.

And while we're on the subject, we're actually a little shocked that anyone greenlit another X-Files movie anyway -- but Anderson and Duchovny sure don't seem to be getting any uglier, so guess we're not really complaining.

Red Hot Chili Peppers Sue Showtime For Besmirching Their Sterling Reputation

Bryan Christian — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 17:30:00 GMT

Hold up, hold up: Showtime's David Duchovny vehicle Californication doesn't actually feature the Chili Peppers song of the same name? Not even a constantly rotating roster of hipsters and legends doing cover versions of the song, like on Weeds? Can that be true? Huh, I guess so. Hey Anthony Kiedis, lead singer of the R.H.C.P., what do you think of that?

"Californication is the signature CD, video and song of the band's career, and for some TV show to come along and steal our identity is not right," band frontman Anthony Kiedis says [in a press release].

Well Anthony, we're actually more Mother's Milk fans. But if you're saying that, were I to ever actually watch this show, I would not see Duchovny wearing a sock around his privates, then by all means: sue 'em silly, my man!

[Via Defamer]