Scanner : cupcakes

Food We'd Like to F*ck: Ace of Cakes' LOST Cake

Emily Farris — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 20:25:00 GMT

To celebrate (what we assume is the taping of) LOST's 100th episode, the folks at ABC brought in the pros from Ace of Cakes to make the sweet cake pictured above. But perhaps more exciting are the Dharma beer cupcakes, "chugged" by Sawyer. Well, that and the obligatory Juliette's-boobs-next-to-the-cake shot.

Is it just us or does she look really good dirty?

Related:

Crush of the Week: The Newest Couple on "Lost" (With Bonus Boob Talk)

LOST Producers Throw Us a Bone, Disney Takes it Away

**Food We'd Like to F*ck: Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Topped Cupcakes**

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Which Would The Hipster Rather: Breast Milk Cupcakes vs. Cow Milk Cupcakes?

Emily Farris — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 22:13:00 GMT

Leave it to Vice to try and settle the breast milk debate once and for all by getting a hipster to eat breast milk cupcakes. Well, not so much just eat breast milk cupcakes, but do a blind tasting of regular (cow) milk cupcakes vs. breast milk cupcakes.

In case you’re still dubious towards imbibing of le lait teton, we forced our friend Patrick to do a taste test: Breast-milk cupcakes vs. some regular old cow-milk cupcakes. He was hesitant, but we were like, “Suck it up, wimp!” And we went on, “Don’t you think it’s weird that humans are the only mammals who still drink milk as adults? And not even our own, but baby fluid for a whole other species? Did you ever think about the fact that we’ve mutated our own stomachs in order to be able to digest bovine baby fluid, Four-Eyes?”

And then Patrick went, “Let’s eat these cupcakes, by Christ!” After quietly chewing for a few minutes, he whispered, “I… I can’t tell any difference at all.” But we said, “No, you have to choose one.” So he held up the cupcake in his right hand and said, “This one is vaguely tastier.” And guess what, it was the boobcake! Breast milk officially wins!

Um, Vice, we think you mean human breast milk officially wins? But whatever, we sort-of wish we'd thought of this ourselves, if only so we'd have an excuse to eat two cupcakes. And if anyone is giving away free cupcakes, we say 'bring on the breast milk!'

[Vice: Hello Titty]

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Sloppy Seconds: So There IS Hope in Dope

Emily Farris — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 23:01:00 GMT

Josh Brolin may have killed Sean Penn on the big screen (spoiler my ass; pick up a history book Wikipedia) but they are totes in love in the real world. [Vulture]

Eight-year-old Emily knew that Scanner Emily would become a crazy cat lady, but how did six-year-old Emily know Scanner Emily would take six years to finish college? [eefers]

Six-year-old Emily was not aware that Scanner Emily would grow up and develop a very serious condition called Status Update Disorder. [The Atlantic]

You must be a real fucking stud to survive testicular cancer, then win the Tour de France seven times, and after all that cutting and jiggling and jaggling, knock some chick up. [People]

In addition to hosting his TV shows, writing cookbooks and tending to his restaurants, Bobby Flay will have a SIRIUS XM radio show as of tomorrow. If he'd like a sidekick, we're more than happy to move back to New York. [Yahoo!]

Brad Pitt totally inhaled funny cigarettes in the 90's, proving to parents everywhere that there is hope in dope. (Repeat it with me, kids: There is hope in dope!) [Radar]

Pepper Spray and Tasers, Josh Brolin Arrest Video

Sloppy Seconds: Pornos Will Save Us All

Scanner Emily on Intercest, Cupcakes and When His You Know What is Too Big

Emily Farris — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 22:02:00 GMT

Over the past few weeks, I've developed somewhat of an Intercestuous relationship with Rachel Kramer Bussel.

In mid-December, I happened upon Rachel's Facebook page after a mutual friend had RSVP'd for the Cupcakes Take the Cake (Rachel's cupcake blog) anniversary party. As you know, I get a little too excited by food, especially cupcakes. I knew I'd heard her name elsewhere and after poking around her profile I realized that she's also an editor at Penthouse, has edited and contributed to a bazillion erotica anthologies and that she should be my new BFF (though I took no action to make this happen).

Days later, in a fascinating turn of small-world events, I was assigned a piece by SXSW World, the official magazine of South by Southwest. The editor said I was to profile none other than one Miss Rachel Kramer Bussel, who will host a food panel at SXSW Interactive. By the time we met for our interview the following week, she had already purchased my book, and made a recipe from it. She showed up with a copy of her most recent book, Best Sex Writing 2009 (for which I'm currently working up my Amazon review), and a cupcake. Insta-girl crush. (Men, for future reference: shower women with literature and cupcakes.)

Since our meeting, I've interviewed Rachel for an article that should appear on the Nerve homepage any day now, and she added me to the April lineup for her erotic reading series, In the Flesh (it's virgin night!).

Anyway, all of this is a really long explanation to say that she has a great column this week over at The Frisky where she explores the dealbreaker that is The Too Big Penis. Also, in writing this post I hope to coin the term "Intercest."

Okay, time to get to work on that article...

Related:

**Food We'd Like to F*ck: Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Topped Cupcakes**

**Food We'd Like to F*ck: Meat and Mashed Potato Cupcakes**

Sarah Palin Elevated to GILF Status, or Bristol Palin Pops One Out

Image by Hilary McHone

Food We'd Like to F*ck: Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Topped Cupcakes

Emily Farris — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 14:01:00 GMT

Hello, lover! We mean, hello cupcakes we'd like to bend over a table and ~~fuck~~ eat.

What is it about raw cookie dough that's so amazing? And is it possible for one to subsit on it alone? No, what about with cake?

If you'd like to try these at home, and send them to us, the recipe, via Not Eating Out in New York, is after the jump.

Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough-Topped Cupcakes
(makes 6 cupcakes)

for the basic vanilla cupcakes:
1/2 cup sugar
1/4 cup unsalted butter, softened
1 large egg
3/4 all-purpose flour
a little less than 1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
1/3 cup milk
pinch of salt

for the cookie dough:
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
1/4 cup unsalted butter, softened
1/4 cup packed brown sugar
1 tablespoon sugar
1/3 of a beaten egg (save the rest for next morning)
1/4 teaspoon vanilla
pinch of salt
1/2 cup or so semi-sweet chocolate chips or chunks

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. In a mixing bowl, beat together the butter, sugar and vanilla for the cupcakes only. Add egg and beat until fully blended and creamy. Combine the flour, baking soda and salt in a separate bowl. Gradually add flour mixture to butter mixture, alternately adding the milk gradually. Divide equally among six cupcake liners in a muffin tray. Bake about 20-25 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center of a cupcake comes out clean. Let cool completely.

Meanwhile, make the cookie dough: Beat together the butter, sugars and vanilla. Add the egg and beat until creamy. Gradually add the flour and salt, and once fully blended and smooth, add the chocolate chips. Cover and chill in the refrigerator at least 15 minutes. Divide dough into 6 equally-sized balls and press with your palms into discs resembling chocolate chip cookies. Press on top of the cooled cupcakes.

Cost Calculator
(for 6 cupcakes)

1 1/4 cups flour: $0.35
1/2 cup plus 1 tablespoon sugar: $0.25
1/4 cup brown sugar: $0.20
1/2 cup (1 stick) butter: $1.00
1 1/3 egg: $0.33
1/3 cup milk: $0.20
3/4 teaspoon vanilla: $0.20
1/2 cup chocolate chips: $1.25
<1 teaspoon baking powder, pinches of salt: $0.10

Total: $3.88

We're worth $3.88 plus shipping and handling, right?

[Not Eating Out in New York: Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough-Topped Cupcakes]

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Kate Beckinsale Would Much Rather F*ck Than Cook

Today in Disorders We'll Never Suffer From: Orthorexia

Food We'd Like to F*ck: Meat and Mashed Potato Cupcakes

Emily Farris — Fri, 30 May 2008 17:02:00 GMT

Anyone who has paid any attention to Scanner for the past few months knows that I, Scanner Emily, am a fan of meat. Between two buns, on a stick, or from a cart on the street, I love meat. So it should come as no surprise that these savory cupcakes are super appealing to me.

You think I'm kidding with the whole food-we'd-like-to-fucking thing? Think again. Because if I had a penis, I'd probably stick it in these and then find a way to lick it off, because seriously? Triple meat cupcakes? Ground veal, ground chuck and ground pork. And what makes the red icing? Why it's beet juice.

While I would have replaced the green pepper sprinkles with chives or green onions, these cupcakes are pure genius.

So not only do I want to fuck this food, I want to be BFF with the girl who created it.

[FineFuriousLife via Jezebel]