Scanner : crush of the week

Crystal Renn: Big and Beautiful in Australian 'Bazaar'

Emily Farris — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 21:49:00 GMT

Crystal Renn is turning heads this month. And not just because she's a plus-sized model appearing in the pages of Australian Harper's Bazaar. It's because editors let her stay that way for their May issue. Unlike stateside fashion magazines like Vogue—whose editors pride themselves for featuring bigger girls and then Photoshop their curves away like they did with songstress and Scanner crush Adele—Aussie's Bazaar left Renn seemingly Photoshop free. And we like it.

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[Source]

Crush of the Week: Lisa Batiashvili

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 20:34:00 GMT

Lisa Batiashvili, the 29- or 30-year-old violinist from the nation of Georgia, played three shows with the New York Philharmonic over the weekend. By the time we heard of and fell in love with her, the available tickets were well out of our price range. That's the problem with going to see opera and classical music-- we'd love to see more of it, but we don't feel we're getting our money's worth at Madison Square Garden prices unless its practically an historic occasion.

Based on the reviews, we missed some stunning performances and, of course, a chance to gape at this very pretty woman...

The SF Gate glows about her new CD:

You have to have a gimmick to put out yet another recording of the Beethoven Violin Concerto, and Georgian violinist Lisa Batiashvili has two dandy ones: She plays the Beethoven without a conductor, "leading" the Deutsche Kammerphilharmonie Bremen in a performance that, for all its rough-hewn muscle, is unified and full of rhetorical flair; and she includes an odd but fascinating curtain-raiser, a group of six orchestral miniatures by Georgian composer Sulkhan Tsintsadze. These pieces (written for string quartet and arranged by the violinist's father, Tamas Batiashvili) combine folk strains - dances, love songs - with a formal inventiveness that is striking. The performances muster plenty of rhythmic panache and lead nicely into a vigorous account of the Beethoven.

Among her concert reviews is this gem:

“It’s been a while since a debut at Tanglewood created quite the sensation that Lisa Batiashvili, an unheralded violinist from Asian Georgia in her mid-20s, set off Friday night. The audience all but tore the place down.”

That sounds like it was worth MSG pricing... next time, Ms. Batiashvili... or should we say, with a great sigh, Mrs. Batiashvili...

Batiashvili started playing the violin at the age of two... thanks to her father being a violinist (and her mother being a pianist couldn't have hurt.) Her career took off virtually overnight in 1991, when a London performance landed her a nearly-full world tour. Since then, she's played the Mostly Mozart Festival and several other major concerts, culminating in her much-hyped show of Stravinsky, Prokofiev, and Tchaikovsky last Thursday through Saturday.

This 24 minute, 38 second-long piece of Beethoven should give you an idea of what she's all about. Enjoy.

Violin Concerto in D Major, Op. 61/Allegro, ma non troppo

Photos and info via her website.

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Crush of the Week: Carrie Brownstein

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 23:17:00 GMT

Carrie Brownstein, let me count the ways: hot, lesbian, in a sexy lesbian hard rock band (currently on hiatus), blogger, indie, participates in hilarious podcasts for NPR's All Songs Considered, hot, hot, hot.

(The fact that she dates women in no way affects our adoration one way or another. We just wanted to mention it as a way of explaining why we don't just shut up about her and use our connections to land a date.)

If you still consider her to be "in" rock and roll, then perhaps you'll peruse these photos and agree she's one of the sexiest brunettes in rock and roll.

Brownstein landed on the national map in the 1990s (holy shit, that was a long time ago at this point) thanks to her membership in the indie rock trio Sleater-Kinney, eventually landing in Time Magazine as its Best Band In America at the end of the decade. We first fell in love with Carrie after purchasing Dig Me Out and gushing over the adorable booklet photos of her-- oh, and the music was all right, I guess.

Seriously, Sleater-Kinney has always been a seriously entertaining band, and, many would argue, an explosive live act (see below evidence.) Therefore, we were forced to do a bit of scrambled readjustment when Monitor Mix first appeared on the NPR website.

"My hopes for Monitor Mix are that it will be descriptive as opposed to merely prescriptive. I would rather discuss and examine what it is that people actually consume than to tell you what you should be listening to." [Wikipedia]

How intelligent, especially for a rock star. Then, she had to go one-up herself with these excellent podcasts for All Songs Considered, in which she joins other NPR music staffers in goofing on each other and playing Ramones and Gerbils songs, plus a brief interlude of "All By Myself" until they can't keep a straight face anymore. Adorable.

And don't get us started on this comedy team she put together with Fred Armisen... it's making her look even more awesome than we thought possible... like Smittens wore by two seven-year-old lovebirds...

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Blonde-Redhead Muslim Woman Sues Bar Over (Conservative) Red Dress

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 21:41:00 GMT

It took everything in our being not to make Fata Lemes our Crush of the Week. She is without a doubt a perfect female specimen: reddish-blond hair, beautiful, European, classy, and unwavering in her convictions.

Of course, we refrained from insulting her in this fashion because her existence came to our attention because she is suing a Mayfair, U.K. establishment for making her way a rather conservative piece of attire, which she claims insults her religion and amounts to sexual harassment. Oh, and it didn't help that the customers regularly propositioned her with money-for-sex offers, an arrangement which the management may have been in on...

Here's the dress ~~the Love Of Our Lives~~ Ms. Lemes refused to wear:

Hardly revealing... unless, of course, you're a religious person, as Ms. Lemes certainly is. Lemes is a Muslim and, oddly enough, the owners saw no warning signs ahead in hiring such a conservative person for their admittedly "upscale Hooters" joint. Now they're about to be out 20,000 pounds plus lawyer's fees, assuming Lemes wins her lawsuit against them.

She chose a loose-fitting black shirt and trousers but said that on her second shift she was approached by two customers who told her they were looking for 'a blonde Scandinavian or Swedish girl for one or more nights'.
She said: 'It was obvious that they thought that I was Scandinavian. I politely refused the offer.

'I was offended by that offer. I considered the company must be indicating to guests that the bar was the type of bar where they could make sexual offers to staff.' [We didn't realize there were bars where customers didn't make passes at staff members, but okay...]

A few days later she was ordered to wear the red dress. [Daily Mail]

What do you think?

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Crush of the Week: Jamie Clayton, The Hottest Transsexual

While You Were Sleeping: Kate Winslet's Underage Sex

Crush of the Week: Jim Vokac

Emily Farris — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 19:13:00 GMT

Not only does Jim Vokac have a beard and a gut, he rides a horse. He rides that horse around the Ozark region of our home state of Missouri (where we are right now). And you know where he's going on that horse? He's going to convince his neighbors to vote for Barack Obama.

Swoon!

If you're wondering about the fact that he says "Missour-ah," well, that's just how the over-fifty crowd says it.

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Crush of the Week: Adele

Emily Farris — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 21:09:00 GMT

We had never heard of Adele before Saturday night. It's probable that most of the 17 million people who watched Saturday Night Live to catch a glimpse of Republican Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin last weekend hadn't either. Lucky for Adele, and for us, she happened to be on the most watched episode of SNL since 1994. And we were absolutely blown away by the British songstress.

Adele, who sounds like a sweet, controlled Amy Winehouse, studied at the same school as Winehouse (and Kate Nash). Except, she doesn't appear to be a crack head and she's absolutely gorgeous.

But we're going to shut up now and let Adele do the ~~talking~~ singing.

Video of Adele performing "Chasing Pavements," the first number she sang on SNL, after the jump.

[Adele on MySpace]

The Amy Winehouse Comeback Begins...

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[Image]

Crushes of the Week: The Ladies of Mad Men

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 20:24:00 GMT

We tried to watch Mad Men once and were, have to say, bored to tears. Perhaps we should have first fallen in love with Jon Hamm (who, by the way, is hosting SNL on 10/25, the night Sarah Palin is due to appear and come off slightly more sane), Elisabeth Moss (so much hotter in real life), and the rest of the studs and secretaries that populate this award-winning war on sexes...

Although clearly the hotter look for her, those conservative fifties outfits definitely have something going for them...

...well, maybe not that one. Then there's Christina Hendricks, cover girl of this weekend's Page Six Magazine...

On her character, Joan Holloway:

“Joan is a person I sometimes wish I could be. She’s a presentation. I don’t think she ever lets anyone see who she really is. She’s very confident and pulled together.”

On not being a size 2:

“No one will send me dresses. Designers loan size 2 or 4 samples to actresses, but I’m not that size. It’s like I’m a freak because I’m curvy and I can’t squeeze into those things. I’ve had some problems with that.”

Well, Christina, we don't have any problems with it... or you. And that's why you and Peggy and, hell, even Don Draper are our Crushes of the Week...

Via PageSix.

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Crush of the Week: David Kernell, The Palin Hacker

Emily Farris — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 21:06:00 GMT

Meet David Kernell, he's the son of Tennessee Democratic state representative Mike Kernell, a University of Tennessee student and the man (the boy?) accused of hacking Sarah Palin's Yahoo e-mail account last week.

He's also kind-of hunky.

We don't necessarily advocate computer hacking. After all, we wouldn't want to be hacked (lord knows after doing this job we have some scandalous shit cached here). But we do respect the kid's desire to be involved in the political process.

Imagine what the world would be like if all twenty year olds were this politically aware? The hacking incident did shed light on what many suspected, that Palin does a good job of mixing business with pleasure, as the Yahoo account was a personal one she used for Government business.

For that, David Kernell is our crush of the week.

Of course, considering we crushed on (and later went out with) the guy who got expelled for 90 days for selling acid in high school, it's no wonder we have a crush on lil' David Kernell.

[Wired: No Indictment Tuesday Against Palin Hacker]

Related:

Crush of the Week: Gitty Grunwald, Fighting An Hasidic Cult For Her Daughter

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Crush of the Week: Kate Middleton, Rollerskating Queen

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 15:45:00 GMT

Kate Middleton, girlfriend of England's Prince William, hosted a rollerskating fundraiser the other night in which she took a spill in her yellow hotpants, legwarmers, and bright pink rollerboots.

The UK press called her outfit "garish." In fact, her outfit is the main reason she's our crush of the week...

(In a way, these pictures remind us of another roller skating accident and fall, one that involved our very own Scanner Emily. She responds:
"Awesome. Though my outfit was much better!")

The event sought to raise 100,000 British p for the cause of Tom's Ward at the Children's Hospital in Oxford, and featured such guests and friends of Middleton's as Holly Branson, who almost stole the spotlight-- and our Crush of the Week title-- in this outfit.

While the Queen and her underlings may (allegedly) grumble about the possibility of Middleton's becoming part of the Royal Family, at least Prince William is sharp enough to realize what he has on his hands...

More pics here.

Prince Harry Officially Best British Royal Ever

Crush of the Week: His Royal Highness, Prince Harry

Would It Kill You To Wear An Ascot For a Change?

Princess Eugenie's Endearing Nude Rampage

Scanner Controversy: Battle of the Nasty Words

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 17:55:00 GMT

Scanner was invaded this week by a lot of angry people... angry misogynist people, to be precise.

16 Year Old Boy Figures Out How To Rip Off Sex Offenders, Get Rich

Did NAMBLA invade Nerve? Regular readers debated this very question following the most-viewed post we've ever run.

Teenage Girl Gets 2 Month Sentence For False Rape Allegation

This post's comments got so out of hand we had to step in and ask if we should delete 'em all and start over. That only seemed to infuriate readers, who attacked the commenter who even so much as mused whether a misogynist invasion was taking place...

Want to Know Scanner Nicole's Gender? Ask Her Browser!

We're pretty sure this survey was bullshit, what do you say?

Female Teacher's Aide Guilty of Sex with 16-Year-Old Female Student

A friend of the subjects of this story took us to task. Apparently, we're not even allowed to "report" on the incident... although if you ask us, we don't think 16 is terribly wrong-- in many states and countries, it's in fact perfectly legal.

New Zealand Party Poopers Move To Shut Down "Boobs On Bikes" Parade

Did we ever figure out why those American flags were there?

And Gitty Grunwald has read but has yet to weigh in on our discussion here:

Crush of the Week: Gitty Grunwald, Fighting An Hasidic Cult For Her Daughter

Scanner Controversy is a new feature, posted every other Friday afternoon, running down a handful of our hottest, most widely-contested stories...

Crush of the Week: Biker Who Protested Wal-Mart... By Taking Off Her Clothes

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 15:45:00 GMT

The Consumerist alerted us to the sort of story we eat up: basically, anyone messing with Wal-Mart...

Here's what ReachHigher said on the BikeForums site about her brush with the poorly-paid brainwashed yokels the run her Virginia-area Wal-Mart. First, she rode her bike four miles to buy CD-r's, depsite her disdain for Wal-Mart's union busting, sweatshop labor, and intra-company racism and sexism (okay, we're all about helping your local community, but maybe borrowing some blanks from somebody else or ordering from Amazon would've been a valid move in this case.)

ReachHigher arrived to find no bike rack outside. She decided that since her beat-up bike cost $600 to replace, she couldn't risk losing it and so walked it into the store. (Apparently, this is a common thing in some places, although it would get you tackled and hospitalized in any city we've ever lived in.) An elderly employee (is there any other kind at Voldemart?) grabbed her by the arm and told her to ditch the bike. A manager backed the employee up, first saying that bicycles were sold in the store and therefore this one-- even though it wasn't sold in the store, looked old, and was clearly the customer's-- couldn't be allowed inside. The manager tried a variety of tactics before inspiration struck ReachHigher...

I asked her if they also sold shirts in the store. She said yes so I took off my jersey and said well then I'd better not bring this in either. She got kind of flustered and said that it was a different situation but couldn't explain why. So I said that if they also sold shorts in the store that I'd better not wear those in either and I took off my shorts. Same goes for the shoes and sunglasses. Now I'm standing there in my spandex and a sports bra and I ask here if I can leave my things behind the customer service counter where they will be safe until I finish making my purchases and she said that I couldn't come into the store without shoes on, to which i responded "but I certainly can't wear shoes into the store because you sell those here and someone might think I've stolen them." She threatened to call security if I didn't leave so I told her that I would never be coming back to that store again and that I was glad I hadn't driven there since the gas to go four miles was probably more expensive than what her underpaid employees make in an hour.

Her expression when the shirt came off was absolutely priceless...I was pretty tempted to take off the spandex too but I wasn't sure what constitutes indecent exposure in Virginia...

Here's the Getty Image the Consumerist chose for our girl. We'd like to think it was a match, although it doesn't really matter-- regardless of her looks, this girl is still our silly, strange, proud, fierce, and crazy Crush of the Week.

Via the Bike Forums and the Consumerist.

Top photo via Flickr.

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Today in WTF: K-Mart Abstinence Pants

Scanner Controversy: The Most Controversial Posts Of The Past Two Weeks

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 20:30:00 GMT

We thought we'd spice up your Friday with the Scanner equivalent of jalapeño peppers.

1) Scanner Roundtable: Let's Settle This Whole 9/11 Thing Once And For All...

With this post, we swear, we didn't plan it in advance or have any knowledge what would happen would happen.

2) This Week In Gayness: My Boyfriend Won't Put Out

Apparently, Googling "homosexualmania" does not get you this post. Shame.

3) Was Nicole Kidman Ever Really Pregnant?

Didn't she try for a decade with Tom Cruise? Hasn't she been trying for years? Aren't celebrities so strange they might fake a pregnancy to a) help their careers and/or b) cover for the fact that they adopted/cradle-robbed/did something else to obtain a baby, thinking that, somehow, their box office will plummet if they don't have a "real" birth soon?

4) Is Batman's Crime-Fighting Simply A Cry For Help?

Scanner Nicole muses...

5) "Just A Fun Loving Nerd!!!" Just The Man For Us

Yeah, but those photos gotta be -shopped, right?

6) Who Would You Rather: Michelle Pfeiffer vs. Julie Newmar?

Some are saying Eartha Kitt.

7) Crush of the Week: Gitty Grunwald, Fighting An Hasidic Cult For Her Daughter

It turns out the original New York article has become the the source of the most letters to the editor in that magazine's history...

8) "I Had Sex With My Brother" One Woman's Blue Lagoon

Some questioned our historical accuracy (Brooke Shields was that dude's cousin, after all), some just questioned.

9) Today in WTF: Guy Gets Off (For/On) Getting 14-Year-Old Girl Drunk, Violating Her

We were setting ourselves up for this one. There's still a debate on legal issues in the comments-- wait, it's interesting, we swear!

10) Watch the Homophobic Snickers Ad Pulled From TV

We're not controversial for posting it, we're controversial for associating ourselves with the fellow countrymen who produced it.

Crush of the Week: Gitty Grunwald, Fighting An Hasidic Cult For Her Daughter

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 20:22:00 GMT

Forget the New Yorker cover. This week's most memorable magazine front page is actually New York's: "What's A Nice Girl Like This Doing Fighting the Hasids for Her Baby?"

This story is so involving, and the damsel at its center so captivating, you'll be calling your legislator by the time your halfway done...

Here's a brief rundown (sorry if we fudge a few details-- it's a long story and we're exhausted just from reading it):

Gitty Grunwald grew up under the Satmar Hasidim in the town of Kiryas Joel, or KJ, in New York's Catskills. At the age of 17, she was forced to marry a total stranger, who gave her daughter Esther Miriam, now 4.

Once, when Esther Miriam was a baby, Gitty took her for a walk. "A guy looked into the carriage," Gitty recalls. "He said how cute Esther Miriam was and went on his way. It was nice. But then these minivans came tearing down the street. Hasid jump out and surround me, screaming, 'Who was that guy? What did he want?'
It was the Vaad Hatznius, KJ's moral police, who Gitty refers to as "those stupid Talibans."

It only gets worse from there, but we'll spare you the continued horror. Or most of it.

In KJ, women are considered "impure" while on their periods, and isolated from their husbands. After the menstruation period appears to end, women are then forced "to wear white underwear for seven days, checking constantly to see if there's any discharge. Should spotting occur," a woman is forced to present her underwear to a rabbi who examines the stain, then decides whether to send the woman to a ritual bath before reuniting her with her husband.

Refusing to bend to these sorts of rules made her husband turn on her. He even yelled at her for the perceived sexuality in a hug she shared with her grandfather. Soon after, Yoely, the husband, made a critical mistake: he let her use the internet.

"Once I read blogs from people who had gotten out of places like KJ, there was no turning back..."

In 2007, Gitty fled KJ, having realized she "didn't want to be one of those women who pop out babies every eighteen months and think whatever their husbands tell them to." She lived in Brooklyn with her daughter, spending time with her grandparents (who want no part of the "cult") in Manhattan. Then, one day

as Esther Miriam was walking with her class to a Flatbush playground, she was taken... Esther Miriam said they were wearing masks.

Readers will surely agree with Gitty's assumption that her husband was behind the kidnapping. The craziest part is, now Gitty has to fight for custody in both secular and rabbinical courts, while thanking her lucky stars for a precious few hours in her daughter's presence every so often. While her possibly doomed case moves through the courts (the Hasidic community has power lawyers, a positive drug test from Gitty, and a potential remarriage for her now-ex-husband to throw at our girl), Gitty is learning who Che Guevara, Keith Richards, and Billie Holiday are:

"Wow, Billie Holiday is a woman?"

Then Gitty’s cell phone rang. It was Esther Miriam. The call was court-ordered, ruled by the Orange County judge after hearing that Yoely’s family refused to pick up when Gitty called to talk to her daughter.

“Mommy,” came the high-pitched voice, audible even with the J train rumbling on overhead. “Esther Miriam!” Gitty replied. When Esther Miriam asked when she would see her mother again, Gitty brushed a stray tear from her eye and said, “Soon … very soon.”

The nine-page story is here, via New York Magazine.

Crush of the Week: Vivienne Westwood's Bear

Emily Farris — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 15:42:00 GMT

In the recent runway show for her Spring-Summer 2009 menswear collection, designer Vivienne Westwood used some seemingly normal looking dudes as models. And by normal looking we mean men with tattoos, some that looked like they have drug problems, some with really bad hair and, uh, one bearded man in a little pink track suit.

And then there was a bear.

If you missed him at 2:31 in the video, the man in question (pictured above) would qualify as a bear in the gay community, or a burly, bearded man in ours. While we're not a fan of his facial hair, or his track suit (sorry, Viv!) or even his bling, we're glad to see that big, bearded men are walking the runways in high fashion shows. In Milan!

We hope this is a trend and we commend him putting it all out there.

And for that, Vivienne Westwood's "bear" is our Crush of the Week.

[PerezHilton: Bears...Oh My!]

(Thanks, Jenny!)

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Crush of the Week: Ryan Gosling

Emily Farris — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 21:03:00 GMT

On the way back from Vegas on Saturday, our plane was temporarily diverted to a runway in Rochester because of bad weather in New York. While many of my travel companions were busy playing celebrity, I watched "The Notebook."

I'd seen the end before, not too long after a break-up. And after catching just the last fifteen minutes, I cried for three hours.

While I enjoy a good cry every once in a while, every time someone has tried "to Notebook me," I've refused. Three hours of crying should only happen when someone you actually know, in the real world, dies... or breaks up with you. But when you're stuck on a plane with few channels and nothing better to do (we know, we could have played celebrity or gotten wasted), sometimes a sappy movie hits the spot. And most times, Ryan Gosling hits the spot.

I'd already decided I wanted him to plant his seed me in after watching "Lars and the Real Girl," and after a full screening of "The Notebook," I was sure I'd found my purpose in life: getting Ryan Gosling to plant his seed in me.

And then I opened up my blog reader and had one of those Us Weekly moments: Ryan Gosling, he's just like us! He gets coffee for himself and other people! Which, of course, made me want him even more.

And for that (yes, "that" being getting his own coffee and being fucking hot), he is our crush of the week. Can you really blame us?

Related:

Five Things I Learned in Vegas

It's Friday the 13th and Scanner Emily is About to Board a Plane to Vegas

Sloppy Seconds: Are Ryan Gosling and Scanner Emily Wishing Underneath the Same Big Star?

While You Were Sleeping: Somebody Had Her Hands All Over Our Man Ryan Gosling

Golden Globe Nominees We'd Like to Make Out With: Most of Them

[Image]

In Which We Revoke "Crush of the Week" and Pass it on to Barack Obama

Emily Farris — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 06:18:00 GMT

You know that guy, the Democratic nominee... Sorry, Adrian.

[NYT: Obama Claims Nomination; First Black Candidate to Lead a Major Party Ticket]

Crush of the Week: Adrian Grenier

Emily Farris — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 21:12:00 GMT

Photo by Scanner Emily. Ah, we've been waiting for a reason to use this one!

VIA THE REMOTE ISLAND: Need yet another reason to lust over Entourage’s Adrian Grenier? Treehuggers and Grenier-lovers, take note: he’ll be co-hosting a show on the new eco network, Planet Green. Alter Eco is an “eco lifestyle and makeover series presented by Adrian Grenier and his entourage of green activists, experts, and friends.” We can only hope there will also be giant bunnies humping squirrels.

Read more...

Crush of the Week: Andrew Bird

Emily Farris — Tue, 27 May 2008 21:02:00 GMT

We were super excited when we sat down on our friend's toilet this weekend and picked up her copy of Time Out Chicago, only to find that musician Andrew Bird was featured in its cycling issue.

“I’ve definitely written songs while biking,” says Bird. “Just occupying your body so your mind can wander is pretty key.” “A Nervous Tic Motion of the Head to the Left” from Bird’s 2005 breakthrough album The Mysterious Production of Eggs is one of many melodies that came to him on two wheels.

He brings his bike, a Heron (appropriately for a Bird), on the tour bus. “I bought it for myself as a reward for all the touring I do. It’s been great, but four years ago in Saint Paul [Minnesota], I spaced out and went over a curb and my handlebars, bashing the hell out of my knees.”

He likes to cruise the backstreets of Bucktown in summer, late at night. “On Hoyne or Leavitt between Division and Webster with the streetlights and canopy of trees,” he says, “it feels like a movie set.”

We certainly crush on boys on bikes and as much as we try to fight it, we crush on musicians, too. So for his lovely tunes and his green transportation, Andrew Bird is our Crush of the Week.

[Time Out Chicago: Song Cycles]

Crush of the Week: Veggie Pride Paraders

Emily Farris — Mon, 19 May 2008 21:09:00 GMT

We should first make clear that aside from one misguided and carbohydrate-loaded year, we do not practice vegetarianism. It's not beyond us to lick the blood from our steak plate, or better yet, sop it up with lard-fried French fries. In fact, we won't even date vegetarians (perhaps because we know they wouldn't want to watch us happily slurping up cow's blood?)

But we've been known to have crushes on plenty of people we probably wouldn't date if given the opportunity, and the Veggie Pride Paraders are some of those people.

We also love superheroes and people who aren't afraid to talk about their poop:

After the walking carrot and pea pod at the front of the procession came a couple in banana costumes, holding hands as they marched, and then a man in a "Super Vegan" costume with a blazing "V" on his chest and a woman waving a hot pink tinfoil pig with a plaintive sign reading, "Save me."
Bringing up the rear of the march were the ecofarmers with a long tube of pink netting representing a meat-eater's colon. It had signs pointing to "butt cancer," "polyps" and a large plastic "colostomy bag" filled with plastic poop.

Because there's nothing we appreciate more (not even butt cancer or superheroes) than people who appreciate their food—whether we agree with their choice of cuisine or not— the hundreds of proud vegetarians and vegans who swarmed New York City's Meatpacking District yesterday are our crushes of the week.

[NY Daily News: Vegetables on march against meat biz]

[Video: NY Mag at Veggie Pride Parade]

[Veggie Pride Parade]

Actual Crush of the Week: Braddock, PA Mayor John Fetterman

Bryan Christian — Tue, 13 May 2008 14:14:00 GMT

OK, OK; we can get a mulligan on stuff like this, right? 'Cause we're not perfect, and we'll be dead honest with you: we weren't all that happy about yesterday's Crush of the Week. Yeah, it was an amusing story, and yeah, the new Italian Equal Opportunity minister is pretty foxy, but really, when you get down to it: there wasn't much to crush about there, unless lecherous old Italian dudes do it for you, and even then we should have crushed on Silvio Berlusconi, right? And that happening. But dammit, our allergies have been acting up, and we're not getting enough sleep, and well, we weren't feeling all that crushy about anybody, and so we went with the best thing that we had.

Now, normally if we'd just kind of phoned something in like that, we'd let you pound on us in the comments and take our lumps proudly and we'd all walk away from the incident as quickly as possible. But not this week. Because last night, mere hours after publishing that CotW, we found our true-life, honest to Gosh, full-throated Crush of the Week -- so crushy in his manly sense of civic duty that we had to share him with you: John Fetterman, Mayor of the economically depressed Pittsburgh borough known as Braddock.

Now, if you're looking at the picture up top, you might be asking yourself: where's Fetterman? Well, he's that intense looking white dude in the middle. Yeah. Elected mayor in 2005, Fetterman first came to Braddock as part of Americorps in the 90's. See those tatts? One on arm, he's got his zip code, and the other: the dates of every murder to take place in town under his watch.

We discovered Fetterman when he was featured in a News Hour piece on environmental jobs in Pittsburgh, but this Harvard Public Policy grad has also done so much in the areas of children's programs, urban renewal, and the arts that we're frankly guessing everything he does is wonderful. Like, in our minds, he's perfected a really great dry rub for barbecue -- which he smokes from the deck of the loft he built out of a warehouse -- and also knows exactly where the pressure points in our back are. Oh, we should probably also mention: put a little more hair on the guy and he's probably Scanner Emily's dream date.

And for that, if nothing else, he is certainly crushable enough to usurp our previous Crush of the Week. Thanks for indulging us!

Crushes of the Week: Howard Dean and Bethany McLean

Bryan Christian — Mon, 05 May 2008 21:13:00 GMT

In his two years as DNC Chairman, Howard Dean has made more than a few big mistakes, most notably allowing this whole Michigan/Florida debacle to destabilize his party in a year when they should have had a straight shot to the presidency. But we gotta show the guy some love for his appearance on FoxNews yesterday, when he managed to not just stick it to the way biased news department -- but be pretty gracious and effective in doing it. (FF to 3:00 to see what we mean.)

Keep it up, Howard -- and don't waste all your efforts on the opposition. Your notoriously fickle party could use a little firm handing now and then, too. Still, this is a great start.

And for that, he is our first Crush of the Week.

And we can't let this week's CotW pass us by without our giving props to Bethany McLean, who in 2001 was pretty much the first person to call bullshit on the tangled web of lies that was Enron, and whose lush features and soft-spoken skepticism we found so alluring in the 2005 documentary Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room, based on the book she co-authored with Peter Elkind. Word came today that she's leaving Fortune for Vanity Fair, where frankly we are guessing the photo department is as eager to get her in front of the camera as the edit staff is to see her copy. Is she a little sleeker than we remember her being? Perhaps. Either way, she's a brainy babe who we look forward to hearing more of in the future.

And for that, she is our second Crush of the Week.

Crush of the Week: Richard Quest

Bryan Christian — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 21:04:00 GMT

Back in the dark days of late 2001, we were lucky enough to get out of our scared, shocked, adoptive city, and bum around Asia for a while. One of the best things about that trip was Richard Quest, a loopy, toothy TV anchor with a proposterous British accent and natty fashion sense that kept turning up all over CNN Asia, telling us -- in an antic, appropriately incredulous tone -- about anthrax, Enron, and our increasingly endangered civil rights. Oh, and in one case: tomatoes, or, as Quest had it, "to-MAH-toes," which -- one very confused botanist was informed -- she should bring him next time she was interviewed on the air.

Late Thursday night, Quest -- who's apparently been openly gay for sometime -- was busted in Central Park with crystal meth in his pocket and sex toys attached to his genitals. Which we take to mean: he's handling the state of the world about as well as we are, thank you very much.

Get well soon, buddy. We're looking forward to seeing you next time we're in a hotel. (No, not like that.)

[Previously: We told you this wasn't the last you'd hear from us on Richard Quest]

Girl Crush of the Day: Chrissie Hynde

Emily Farris — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 18:49:00 GMT

(Are we allowed to do that? Well, we're doing it anyway.)

And no, it's not because she's wearing a PETA shirt; everybody knows we refuse to sleep with vegetarians.*

Being an aging female rocker can't be easy [blegh, sic], but Chrissie Hynde is pulling it off. "I'm just trudging along, you know. I wash every day, I've got my own teeth, and I don't dye my hair. I must be doing something right, as I've only canceled two shows in 30 years: once when the doctor said I would have a miscarriage, and once when he told me my eardrums would explode if I did the gig," the Pretenders star, 56, tells Britain's Guardian.

Chrissie, we want to be just like you when we grow up.

[Page Six: The Way to Age]

[Image via]

*Before you get your panties in an uproar, you should know we absolutely support the ethical treatment of animals, it makes them tastier. Also we spent a year as a vegetarian, so bring it!

Crush of the Week: You Make the Call!

Bryan Christian — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 21:19:00 GMT

Maybe it's the end of tax season. Maybe it's the pile of Cuban food we just ate. Maybe we've suddenly grown cold and unfeeling. Whatever the reason: we aren't coming up with any good Crushes of the Week. We've got some candidates, you understand, but, like, if it was 3AM and we were horny, they'd be textworthy -- but hardly merit hitting "Talk".

So for you, the humble reader, we have a question: who are you crushing on right now? Boys, girls, young, old, famous, in/unfamous, hit us with your best shot in the comments. Got a sweetheart you wanna namecheck? A photo you think people should see? A heartwarming tale you want the world to know? Well then carpe some diem and get commenting!

[imgs via]

Crush of the Week: Charlton Heston

Bryan Christian — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 21:27:00 GMT

It'd be easy -- and perhaps forgivable -- to remember after the passing of actor Charlton Heston only the crazy-eyed gun nut of the 1980's and '90's, or the many TV parodies that we've seen (and he became), or the ridiculously outsize, generally square, occasionally ill-fitting roles that he inhabited on the big screen.

But perhaps, in coming years, that will work in Heston's favor. Because if there are truly so many bad ways to remember Heston, doesn't that make the good ones stand out all the more? Here's something that's happened to us more than a couple times: watching one of his movies, we are suddenly and irrevocably struck -- and overcome -- by the raw, beefy DRAMA! of the man: his command over that oaky baritone; the cunning, often enraged intelligence that could flare from behind his eyes; and above all, the magnetic, overwhelming physical being of the guy. At the height of his powers, he could be Lancaster without the sorrow, Peck without the restraint, Eastwood at the edge of the world.

We know: for some of you, it will forever be impossible to separate the man from his scary, crotchety later years, no matter whether he marched with Dr. King, performed in one of the first interracial love scenes in Hollywood, or happened to act in three of the most important socially-conscious dystopias of cinematic sci-fi. That's cool; we get that. To you we say: check out Kenneth Branagh's 4-hour version of Hamlet, where Heston plays -- nay, owns -- the Player-King, and get back to us. And in the meantime, while you're waiting for Netflix to load, how about digging on some of the best beefcake we could find of the man that made at least one dude gay. (No, not Scanner Bryan; this guy.)

We weren't kidding about marching with Dr. King; behold Heston with a few fellas named Poitier, Belafonte, and Lincoln. Hey, why didn't Heston ever play Lincoln? Did he? A good wig and he'd have been perfect!

Crush of the Week: James Lipton Is Still A Pimp, Dammit

Bryan Christian — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 20:24:00 GMT

As some of you may already know, in his recent memoir Inside Inside, Inside the Actors Studio host and Will Ferrell target James Lipton revealed that years ago, he had worked as a "mec" -- some would say "pimp" -- in a wondrous, romantic, sex-soaked version of red-light Paris that we weren't quite convinced actually existed... Until we heard Lipton on this week's "The Treatment" with Elvis Mitchell and we will be goddamed if with that sumptuous voice of his -- Yes! We just complimented James Lipton! -- he didn't charm and convince us thoroughly. Go. Listen. Learn. Now. You will be AMAZED. You will be JEALOUS. You will be-LIEVE.

And for that, he is our Crush of the Week.

Breakup of the Week: Wave Goodbye to Halle Berry's Glorious Pregnancy Breasts

Bryan Christian — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 21:00:00 GMT

Like you, we are ecstatic over the news of Halle Berry and her boyfriend Whatshisface celebrating the birth of their new, presumably-eye-scaldingly-beautiful baby girl. But as Julian Schnabel titled his laughable-yet-strangely-appealing debut album, every silver lining has a cloud. Which in this is case is, of course, the end of the deeply, er, touching relationship that we had built with Ms. Berry's constantly expanding décolletage. It seems like only yesterday that we were first getting to know those two, and now... now, like every other relationship we've had, we'll have only the pictures and a few tattered restraining orders to remind us of the good times. So won't you join us please as we say goodbye -- no, let us say au revoir -- to these wondrous testaments to the miracle of birth?

... and just so we don't forget...

... we're gonna get through this somehow.

Crush of the Week: The Newest Couple on "Lost" (With Bonus Boob Talk)

Bryan Christian — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 21:00:00 GMT

Maybe you didn't see last week's episode of the best show ever set on an island not to feature Hervé Villechaize? Well, seeing as how we're trying to provide a spoiler-free experience here, you might wanna move along (or maybe come back after catching up). Otherwise, see ya after the jump.

Hooray to Jack and Juliet for finally getting a good liplock in at the end of last week's episode! We've long since lost interest in any Jack/Kate hookup happening. They're, like, practically exes already with all the ups and downs they've had, so it's hard to imagine them getting together and not having it be miserable and co-dependent, pretty much anything but hot (a theory bolstered by all the new flash-forwards). But Jack and Juliet! People that hot and that bossy should have been getting it on weeks ago! True, they're also not a particularly joyful couple, but hey, at least they have yet to be miserable over each other. And, as a couple, they make sense: she's already read his file -- something more than a few women wish they could say about their relationships -- and he's probably relieved at the prospect of hooking up with someone who he's not trying to fix. At least, not fix internally. If Juliet's got a problem that needs Jack's attention, his name is Ben, and pretty much everyone on that island wants that problem to go away.

Which, it should be said, doesn't give us much hope for them in the long-term. There's been no indication in the flash-forwards that Juliet makes it off the island, and Ben definitely seems the type to take Juliet out if he can't have her. But we're hoping that, for at least a few episodes anyway, we're gonna see them both grab a little bliss where they can. And that's long overdue for them both. And for that, they are our Crush of the Week.

And while we're on the subject, can we just ask: does anyone continue to be amazed by Elizabeth Mitchell's rack? It, like, comes out of nowhere sometimes and then we can't get it out of our minds.

Crush of the Week: His Royal Highness, Prince Harry

Bryan Christian — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 22:03:00 GMT

We get the whole thing about Prince William -- he's built like a shining lighthouse of Englishness and he's got his mom's eyes and smile. Fair enough. But in our humble opinion, our favorite of the young Royals has always been and remains Prince Henry of Wales, AKA Prince Harry, the ginger-haired 23-year old third heir to the English throne and, as you probably know, the subject of some unfortunate media attention over the last few days. We're not generally partial to bad boys, or guys with guns (though maybe we should let Scanner Emily speak for herself on that one). But then, we're kinda of the mind that Harry's never really gotten a fair break in ye olde press in the first place. Like that time a couple years back when he caught hell for going to a party in a Nazi uniform. What, we were concerned that the ghost of Adolf Eichmann was gonna take over his mind or something?

And now -- just as the poor kid's gotten comfy in a whole other set of fatigues, and all because of some fedora'd fuckwit in Florida -- Harry's got to cool his heels back in Jolly Olde for a while. Well, here's what we're guessing: he's already trying to figure out the next thing to do. Maybe it's in the military, maybe it's in another type of service, but take a look at that kid up there and just try to tell us that he's gonna sit around moping in Buckingham Castle and playing Playstation all day. He'll do something worthwhile, mark our words.

You got a bum rap, kid -- but we're pretty sure that you're gonna make the most of it. And if you can keep that mane of yours trimmed, you're probably gonna be dating some right foxy birds while you do it.

And for that, he is our Crush of the Week.

Crush of the Week: Marion Cotillard

Bryan Christian — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 23:30:00 GMT

A few hours ago, we said that it was pretty much neck-and-neck between Marion Cotillard, Jennifer Garner, and Renee Zellweger as to who looked the best last night. After much careful scrutiny, we're of the opinion that we didn't know what the hell we were talking about back then; it's Cotillard all the way.

Not that Garner and Zellweger didn't look great. They did, truly, particularly Garner, who probably missed a nomination of her own by a hair's breadth and celebrated by going with a dark, sensuous look that risked severity -- which we're led to believe is a no-no for young nominated actresses -- but came off razor-sharp and smokin' hot. To paraphrase our good pal Lindsay Lohan, she was like "Yeah, motherfuckers, I'm fine."

So how did Cotillard win our hearts? Well, perhaps unfairly, by winning the Oscar. Have you watched this moment carefully? (You can, down below.) We're not talking about her speech, you understand, but just before she gets to the microphone. Those few seconds where, as she climbs the steps to the stage, her hands first are on her mouth in an expression of her shock, but then she bends down and tugs at her dress -- the fabric bunching over her scissoring hips, every angle and curve of her body and that Jean-Paul Gaultier dress electric with her surprise -- and then one hand returns briefly to her lips -- is she laughing or crying? -- before both finally landing on Oscar and Forest Whitaker, those lucky bastards. You know, that moment. It's a sweet, triumphant, and utterly unintentional moment of erotic charge. And we're not sure if anyone else could have brought that to the proceedings.

And for that, she is our Crush of the Week.