Scanner : creepy

While You Were Sleeping: Lindsay Lohan's Desperate Living

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 14 May 2009 14:24:00 GMT

Holly Madison rebounded from Hugh Hefner with... Russell Brand?

We have to agree: this or any other ad for the pill is going to piss off the stuffy-butthole-people.

A quick thinking teenage boy saved his 4-year-old sister from being kidnapped when he actually raced after and caught up to the truck she was being driven off in.

Another teenage boy, who needs to spend more time thinking, is going to jail for setting another guy's dick and balls on fire.

This is gonna be grand: Martin Scorsese is making a movie about Sinatra.

Elton John was there for Eminem in his hour of need, helping him through the painful process of rehab.

Emily mentioned this yesterday: Shanna Moakler resigned from the pageant board following yesterday's press conference on Carrie Prejean. Did you know that she was also Miss USA and a Playboy centerfold? Hmmm...

The marriage bra is... uh... useless? A major turnoff? Creepy? Stupid? All of the above and more?

Lindsay Lohan's house is in such shit shape, complete with garbage everywhere, that the police thought it had been ransacked when they responded to a tripped alarm.

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PA DA Threatening to Jail 11-Year-Olds For Sexting

Before There Was Operation There Were Creepy Pregnancy Dolls

Emily Farris — Wed, 13 May 2009 18:33:00 GMT

Because how was anyone supposed to learn about the innards of the human body before Milton Bradley?

So, yeah, if creepy wooden dolls with creepy wooden babies hanging from creepy wooden vaginas by creepy umbillical cords made of godknowswhat are your thing, you should totally click through for the picture. As long as painted-on stretch marks don't bother you.

Related:

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Moms Scaring Us By Taking Fake Babies Out For Walks, Meals

[Via BuzzFeed]

Shia LaBeouf's Oedipus Complex

Emily Farris — Tue, 05 May 2009 17:49:00 GMT

We're all for boys respecting their mothers and even for thinking that Mama is the most beautiful woman on the planet. But Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull star Shia LaBeouf might have just crossed the creepy line when talking to Playboy.

When asked by the magazine who he thought was the sexiest person he knew, he said it was his mother. But LaBeouf didn't stop there.

“Probably the sexiest woman I know is my mother. She’s an ethereal angel. Nobody looks like that woman. If I could meet my mother and marry her, I would. I would be with my mother now, if she weren’t my mother, as sick as that sounds.”

It does sound sick, Shia. But, on the bright side, this is probably good news for fangirls who look a little like Mama LaBeouf.

The Life-Saving Power of Breasts

While You Were Sleeping: Madonna's Breakdown?

Tom Hanks of Tomorrow Looking Like Drunk Asshole of Today

[Via The Inqisitr]

No Wonder Everybody is So Messed Up

Colleen Kane — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 21:53:00 GMT

This week, BoingBoing alerted us to the existence of this variation on spandex cycling wear, which is already hideous enough to look at. The image triggered a flashback to very early grade school, a time when anyone would could grow one, man or woman or child, wore a 'fro, a time of...

Slim Goodbody.

Yes, he was the man with the exposed organs. (Not that kind, thankfully.) He gave presentations at schools to teach kids about anatomy or something, but really taught us about fear. All I remember today is that creepy bodysuit with the guts on it. And he's still around doing his thing today.

Related:

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Creepy Remix of Creepy Polygamist Interview

Arousal Brings Out the Creep in Many Dudes

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 17:10:00 GMT

We all know that alcohol can make men do stupid things. Now science has proven that boners are even worse for our judgment...

According to Predictably Irrational: The Hidden Forces That Shape Our Decisions, a book by MIT professor Dan Ariely, in a new paperback edition, explores "Why Hot Is Much Hotter Than We Realize." We don't even know what that means, since we all but failed high school science classes. We'll let Professor Ariely explain, via a summation on The Book Outline Wiki page:

The author and his partner conducted a series of experiments on Berkeley students (no, not those sort of experiments, silly.) Asking them a series of questions-- first, straight; then, after the undergraduates had worked themselves into a state of arousal.

- The results show that people simply don't realize how different their decision-making is during a state of arousal. A few representative results
  - Can you imagine having sex with a 60-year-old woman
    - Sober: 7%
    - Aroused: 23%
  - Could you enjoy having sex with someone you hated?
    - Sober: 53%
    - Aroused: 77%
  - Is just kissing frustrating?
    - Sober: 41%
    - Aroused: 69%
  - Would you slip a woman a drug to increase the chance she'd have sex with you?
    - Sober: 5%
    - Aroused: 26%
  - Would you use a condom even if you were afraid that a woman might change her mind while you went to get it?
    - Sober: 86%
    - Aroused: 60%
- Implications
  - Someone may promise to just say no, but that promise is less likely to hold up during a state of arousal

Via Book Outline Wiki.

Mom Films Her Boyfriend Having Sex with Her 13-Year-Old Daughter

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 20:55:00 GMT

The Sun reports today on the case of a 46-year-old Perth, Australia mom (well, until they take the daughter away from her, of course) who allegedly videotaped a 29-year-old man having sex with the mom's thirteen-year-old daughter.

And the video might have stayed under wraps, had the man not blackmailed another woman, a victim of his internet stalking...

Cops allege the girl's mother was also involved in the video and will appear in court next week.
She faces 19 sex offence charges.
The man has appeared before magistrates accused of having sex with the 13-year-old and recording the acts.
The man has been charged with more than 150 counts of distributing child pornography and having sex with an underage girl and was granted bail today.

Good Lord, did some Billionaire put up an island as collateral? How the hell was his bail low enough that he was able to meet it? One hundred and fifty counts-- and this doesn't even include the stalking, it seems.

The crimes came to light when early last month police say they received a complaint from another woman who said she was being stalked on the internet.
Perth policeman Sgt Greg Lambert said: "An unknown person was sending her emails that contained naked pictures of herself in the shower."
"The woman was threatened that the pictures would be posted on the web if she reported the matter."

When the po-po dropped by the idiot perv's house to check his computer, they found his exploitative video and probably beat the shit out of him. At least, we hope they did... although, if not, we're sure his future inmates will know what to do with this creep.

Via the Sun and News.com.au.

Related:

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Bestiality Bust Is Our Favorite Swedish Sex Story Ever

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 16:40:00 GMT

We know Scanner Emily mentioned this yesterday, but it's way to good not to blog about in full.

A 45-year-old father of two was exposed by the Swedish newspaper the Expressen for running a bestiality ring that allegedly includes thirty members. But it's not the sex ring or the fact that a newspaper was the one to blow the lid off this thing (instead of the cops, that is) that caused us to sit up and drop our bagels...

Daddy who, thank God, is not married to the mother of those poor children of his, is a farmer (surprise) who owns dogs, horses, and an internet forum for bestiality lovers. Whoops. Somehow, the Expressen managed to infiltrate his underground harem and, after what must have been an unbearable couple of months, confronted the guy, who remains nameless-- because, well, you'll see...

But the man was quick to defend his relations with a bitch he bought online from a city-dwelling family who said they wanted the dog to have a better life in the countryside.

"Any of the times I did anything with her she was the one who backed into me and provoked it. She was in heat and made herself available. There were also times later when she didn't want to and then I backed out immediately," he told Expressen.

Now you see why we love this story? Who the hell does this guy think he is, with the "she seduced me" argument? Oh, right, he's a leader of a large bestiality ring in Sweden. Got it.

It gets worse/better, depending on how much you're sickened or appreciating this insanity? The Expressen's investigator was forced to sit through a regular group meeting, for which members brought a variety of animals to show off, as well as video recordings of their pets in... never mind. Barf.

By the way, the reason we, the Local, and the Expressen cannot name this name? No, it's not because he's innocent until proven guilty-- he's completely innocent, at least in the eyes of the law, since Sweden has no law against bestiality.

"Is it, and should it be, legal to spread something on the genitalia that might smell or taste nice to a dog, in order to allow the dog to lick off whatever is spread on the genitalia?

"Should it be permitted to stroke a bitch's teats with love, or should it be classified as animal sexual abuse?" the minister wondered. [The Local]

Dude, that's the Minister of Agriculture talking. And you thought Sweden was awesome...

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Fark's Scary Stories Thread Gave Us An Idea

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 15:41:00 GMT

Over on FARK.com, there's a hilarious and often spooky thread of stories and comments about ghosts, demons, and other totally real elements of our lives.

Each of these stories alone would be sufficient for tonight's campfire, but we thought maybe some of you have your own...

First, something for those who don't have their own stories:

The other night I was home alone except for my mini schnauzer Max. I was doing some cleaning in the living room and turned to see Max in front of the cupboards in the kitchen sitting and shaking like something had just hurt him or scared the bejesus out of him. I picked him up and he tried to climb up over me. I brought him into the bedroom and set him on the bed. He ran to the head of the bed and hid behind the pillows,still shaking. This went on for about 20 minutes. Nothing I could do would stop his shaking. He would not go back in the living room the rest of the night. Was it a ghost that scared him? Who knows. - by Trixie Belden
...Jason has lived in the same house since he was little, he and his wife bought it from his mother when they got married. Long history of issues with the house, they even had a preacher come in and bless it. Since the two of them have moved in, there have been a few weird things, but nothing major.

So a few weeks ago we went down there to see them, and spent the night. After it got late and everyone else was in bed, I wanted my PJs, so I went outside to get them from the car. Walking across the deck, I felt something push me from behind, and I fell down the steps. They have a huge boxer who's really bad about jumping, so I thought it was him.

Then I looked up and saw this bright white light, a circle. I thought I'd hit my head or something. so I stood up, and it was still there, about head high, sort of pulsating. I turned around to go back to the house, then I turned back, still there. like it was watching me. Finally I said "I'm sorry if you're mad, but this isn't your house anymore. the people who live here are really nice and will take care of it, but you need to leave." and it got brighter for a second, then slowly faded away.
There were no lights on, nobody lives near there, no headlights, etc. it was the weirdest thing I've ever seen. I kind of feel bad now, because I'm not sure that what pushed me and the light were the same thing. I wasn't afraid of the light at all.

The next morning the hub and I got up, and he took me to the doctor. Broken wrist. When I explained to him what happened, and later when I explained it to my friends who own the house, turns out at some point, all of them had seen the light I described. My husband and the other guy had seen it in the house when they were teenagers, and the wife had seen it in the back field, a couple of weeks earlier. -by meg12279

Do you have your own ghost/horror/scary story? And by scary, we don't mean your credit card bill... Halloween-themed, please...

Via Fark. Pic via.

While You Were Sleeping: Halloween Edition

Top 5 Sexiest Celebrity Costumes

Did 8-Year-Old Emily Know Scanner Emily Would Become the Crazy Cat Lady?

Scanner Roundtable: The Best and Worst Couple Halloween Costumes

Because It Isn't Halloween Until a Dog Is Wearing a Tiara

This Weekend In Missed Connections: Bus Driver Blues

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 14:16:00 GMT

When Missed Connections first took off on Craigslist, we were already hooked. Now, years later, we seem to be falling into the same trap: checking to see what insane things happened on your Saturday night...

First up, a bus driver makes a new pair of friends he's calling "The Double D's..."

you were walking west on e86st and 2nd ave at 1:40am Sunday(TODAY).I was driving the m15 bus. You tapped on my buses windshield smiled at me and wow'd me.Then you realized that you were showing me your Victorias Secret.
You then WOW'D me for real,with those Double D"s.And they were oh so perfect.
I want to thank you for that. And to let you know that i will be at the same place tonight at 1:11am,hoping that you show up and wow me again.But this time I want your number.

Ha-- a bus driver that knows exactly what time he's arriving at a stop? Nice try, buddy...

Next up... a total fake, but bonus points for being able to carry on tiresome puns for so long. It is from someone who claims to have been at the beach on Saturday:

I saw you holding your pole, wow that was one of the biggest poles I ever saw. I was wearing a blue bikini as bait and I caught you, and I mentioned I had a nice little clam, you seemed very interested, you were grinning and licking your lips saying you loved eating fresh raw clam and you also said you loved going deep sea diving or was that just deep diving? ;) I was afraid you thought I was shallow, but I think you could tell I ran as deep as the ocean. I also feared you thought I was fishing for compliments, and well I fell for you hook, line and sinker. [This goes on for ages... then...] I shore like you! If you see this [should've written "sea this"-- oh man, we're getting sucked in now...] please please please talk to me I am the little blond shrimp with big puffers! And baby next time let's have a clam bake,yummmmmmmmmmm

This is one you only need the title for: girl who let one go on the toilet seat at monster island on saturday - m4w

Here's one that isn't creepy for a change:

You were waiting for your date (boyfriend?) for about 30 minutes. Then when he got there, he was on the phone or his blackberry most of the time. I was at a table with some friends across from you in a dark blue t-shirt. Please, please... get rid of that guy.

Here's a guy who's just waiting for someone, anyone, to respond to his posts:

What BOOK are you reading??????????? - m4w
Lately you can be found reading a book on your break / lunch. Does this describe you? If it does, hit me up and we'll find out if youre the one Im looking for!

It describes everyone, dude...

Sharing Granola at the Boise CO-OP on Saturday Aug. 23rd - m4w
Are you out there?? We were at the Granola dispensers and i was dishing out some different kinds for us to sample.

I got tied up shopping for our BurningMan trip and when i came to my senses and looked for you, you were already gone.

Nope, these aren't stereotypes, they're real people...

Here's an arbitrary redirect to the Boston Missed Connections...

Related:

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No Longer Missing the Missed Connections

When Missed Connections Aren't Special Enough For Your Mystery Dream Girl

"I had bedbugs, you had herpes."

Times Trend Alert: People Have Sex With People They Know

College President Who Stopped Student From Drinking From Broken Keg Resigns

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 20:32:00 GMT

You know we're kidding when we used the words "stopped" and "broken" in that headline, right?

College President (not the student-elected kind) Robert Paxton was at a July 4th lake party when he was caught in the above photo helping a lovely young lass with her beverage:

"If you want to know the truth, the thing was broken," he said. "I never opened the tap on any keg."

Asked what he was doing with the keg suspended over the woman's open mouth, Paxton said: "Nothing. The thing didn't work. I was laughing at them. You know, if I was doing anything, I was grabbing it and trying to put it back down."

Uhhh... right. So that explains the fact that you are working the tap itself... how?

Wisely, Paxton decided not to fight the charges raised by his own Iowa Central Community College board and simply walked off the job, collecting hundreds of thousands of dollars on his way out. Amazingly, though, the story of how Paxton got a bunch of his underage son's friends drunk doesn't end there:

Paxton also denied that his 19-year-old son was drinking that day, yet police records show the young Paxton was picked up for a DUI charge later that evening. [DeadSpin]

Wow. This guy is the worst liar ever. Good riddance... after all, underage kids don't need you to help with their beer, creepy old dude.

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Are We Wrong To Post These Pics Of Shawn Johnson In A Bikini?

Kim Kardashian And Carmen Electra Size Each Other Up, Wrestle, Cuddle

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 18:44:00 GMT

"Disaster Movie": a title like that is going to give the same critics (including yours truly) that trashed "Date Movie" and "Meet the Spartans" lots of ammo for their brutal headlines.

Luckily, Carmen Electra and Kim Kardashian, the film's stars, couldn't give a big, hot, reality star's ass what people think of their movie. Although they do worry about the stalkers and photographers, as they reveal in a couple of creepy-as-hell stories...

Are you guys able to walk around in public without being hassled? Do you ever have experiences with people coming too close to your space?

Electra: I had a weird experience when I was working at MTV. We were shooting an opening of a new restaurant or something. And we were in a different city. I flew in, and I was all by myself because it was one of my first jobs. And I didn't have anyone with me at all. I flew in, and the driver picked me up and took me to the hotel. And there was a guy in the lobby with a clipboard. He said he was from MTV and sort of had the rundown of my schedule and took me up to my room and was in my room with me. I was hanging out with this guy for the entire day. And finally the phone rings and I said, "Answer it," because I was getting ready. And the people from MTV freaked out because they didn't know who he was. It turns out he was a stalker, so they arrested him.

Kim, it probably helps that you always have a reality TV crew following you...
Kardashian: Yeah. But I was in New York last week on my way to the airport, and the driver was taking me. And I fell asleep. And when you're so tired and you fall asleep and your mouth is open and you do not look normal. I woke up to all these flashes. And the driver was turned around driving on the freeway, taking pictures of me sleeping. I was so freaked out.

Electra: Oh no. That's not cool. But I'm sure you sleep beautiful [laughs].

Kardashian: I was drooling down the side of my face [laughs]. I took his camera.

On the rumor mill... how ever do things like this get started:

Kardashian: There was this huge new rumor going around that I got arrested a few days ago for lighting a raccoon on fire. And they had all the paperwork and the documents that I was arrested [laughs]. It was just so bizarre. I don't even know where they came up with that. It was like in Compton, too. I don't think I've been to Compton.

In a separate story, Carmen talked about how their wrestling scene for the movie, which unfortunately begins existing nationwide on Friday, turned her into a Kardashian fan:

She says, "I really got to know her in our wrestling scene... We get into some down and dirty positions, so it's a good thing we became friends. Kim is so cool, not to mention being hot." [Starpulse]

Woody Allen, are you getting this? If you think there should have been more lesbo action between Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz in your (otherwise excellent) new movie, why not do a sequel with these two?

Of course, we're kidding. Woody has better taste than that... we hope.

Via MovieFone.

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Keeping Up With the Kardashians Kind-Of Kreeps Us Out

Sloppy Seconds: Carmen Electra's Stripping Tips

The Best Review of the Worst Movie Ever

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...In Which Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz Make Out

Rogue Entomologist Has a Bright Future in Terrifying Small Children

Nicole Pasulka — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 17:54:00 GMT

This is a Praying Mantis dressed as the Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland. See and that's a simple enough thing to comprehend. We'd like to say it's just a lone, anomolous Praying Mantis with a red skirt on but, unfortuantely, that's not the case.

Because it'll take a bit more than one creepy, dressed-up bug to strike fear in our hearts. It'll take bugs hiding where you'd least expect them....like, for example, inside childhood toys:

Can you just imagine opening your pretty pink music box to fish out your favorite rhinestone clip on earrings and, instead of a ballerina, there's a fucking Praying Mantis spinning around to the music from Swan Lake??!!

This is not a cute art project, this is years of therapy and horrible nightmares.

Today in WTF: Childbirth Orgasm Video

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 20:18:00 GMT

"Orgasmic birth. It will change the way you feel about childbirth... and yourself... forever."

Yes, but if we found out our Moms had done this, we might end up just a wee bit traumatized to find out. Although we should add that we're not against it or anything and we're certainly not going to stop anyone from climaxing for any reason, at any time. [Whoops! Typo fixed-- for some reason this went up before it was finished, incomplete thoughts, sentences, and missing words and all. Sorry about that! No offense intended! Snark intended, though.]

Is this trailer for a supposed documentary yuck... or yum? In any case, this video creeps us the hell out. It reminds us way too much of something produced by the Church of Scientology, know what we mean? Not the act of it-- the video makes the act seem weirder than it is.

Strollerderby has a similar reaction: not against the act, certainly it's a little on the stranger side of the life, but totally weirded out by the clip.

[B]efore you say, "Don't knock it 'til you've tried it," let me be the first to tell you that trying it isn't an issue, because it'll never happen.

You tell me what the creepy factor is. For me, on a scale of one to ten, this is an eleven. But maybe I'm just uptight.

Reader reaction was divided, mostly in favor of the practice:

1) No, you're uptight.

2) The concept isn't creepy. The background music is. Eew.

Our sentiments exactly. One day, someone is bound to make a video about childbirth orgasms that one doesn't constantly expect a laughing and smirking Tom Cruise to come popping out of.

More on this war of words, via Strollerderby.

Democratic Leaders Accused of Satantic Sex & Kidnapping, Woo Hoo

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 14:06:00 GMT

Our right-wing readers are going to be thrilled with this story, while the rest of us are going to wince with embarrassment... at best...

1) A Durham, NC couple was charged with kidnapping, assault, rape, and other un-PC crimes after shocking revelations began to appear in a local courtroom.

2) According to an anonymous couple that met Joy Johnson and Joseph Craig (via the internet, it seems), the foursome shared an interest in Our Everloving Master, Mr. Satan.

3) The anonymous couple dropped by for tea and were rewarded for their devotion by being

shackled... to beds, kept... in dog cages and starved.... [Craig, the hubby] was charged with beating the man with a cane and a cord and with raping the woman.

4) The assistant DA provides our Understatement of the 21st and 22nd Century, for sure:

"This goes well above what they were interested in doing."

5) According to the local news

Johnson, who was third vice-chair of the Durham County Democratic Party and vice-chair for the Young Democrats, was charged with two counts of aiding and abetting. Prosecutors said she knew her husband planned the crime and watched as they were committed.
She has resigned her positions with the Democratic Party, said state Sen. Floyd McKissick, D-Durham.
"She seemed to be a very open, reasonable, responsible person, but certainly, the allegations that have been made are shocking to everybody who has known her," McKissick said. "We wish her the best going through this difficult and trying time."

I'm sure it was very "trying" for her, poor baby.

6) Our favorite part, which most news sources overlooked, is their website:

Craig and Johnson operate a business called Indigo Dawn Inc. that is described on a Web site as a spiritual growth service offering "past life reconstruction" and "communication with spirit guides." The site talks about Johnson's activism and describes Craig as a reverend and a "devout student of magick."

Can the Lifetime movie be far behind.

Via WRAL.

Creationist Teacher Burns Cross In Students' Arms

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 17:10:00 GMT

An Ohio teacher burnt a cross on at least one student's arm, which stay imprinted on the kid's skin for almost a month, and somehow managed to escape arrest in this, the 21st century.

Question: if a burn lasts three to four weeks... why was the teacher who caused the injury not fired for it by the time this story leaked?

A public school teacher preached his Christian beliefs despite complaints by other teachers and administrators and used a device to burn the image of a cross on students' arms, according to a report by independent investigators.
Mount Vernon Middle School teacher John Freshwater also taught creationism in his science class and was insubordinate in failing to remove a Bible and other religious materials from his classroom, the report said.
Lynda Weston, the district's director of teaching and learning, told investigators that she has dealt with complaints about Freshwater for much of her 11-year term at the district, the report said.

What does a guy gotta do to get fired in an Ohio school district? Don't tell Mary Kay Letourneau about this story...

A former superintendent, Jeff Maley, said he tried to find another position for Freshwater but couldn't because Freshwater was certified only in science, the report said.

Whoever certified this certifiable nut in "science" oughta get slapped with an endangering the welfare of a child charge.

Meanwhile, it took a week after a federal lawsuit was filed by one family for the story to get picked up in the media. Check out this class response to the suit by a friend of Freshwater's:

"With the exception of the cross-burning episode ... I believe John Freshwater is teaching the values of the parents in the Mount Vernon school district..."

Not anymore he isn't, thank God. We hear the results of a staff meeting on Friday determined, after a long, long saga (during which Freshwater was apparently allowed to continue teaching), that the science teacher was a goner.

More dark comedy via the AP.

Teen Hooker Outfit Perfect Gift For Your Daughter's Birthday!

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 16:05:00 GMT

Full, bizarre photo, after the jump...

Maybe your teenage daughter buys her Halloween presents early each year... maybe she has a graduation party... or, best of all, a costume birthday party. Well, Amazon.com is here to help...

Hurry, Dad, there's only one left!

(Via Amazon, of course. Although no need to visit and give them any more attention.)

Sloppy Seconds: Get That Bill Cosby Sweater You've Always Wanted

Emily Farris — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 22:51:00 GMT

Jerry Hall's creepy 10-year-old son, Gabriel (her fourth with Mick Jagger and the one who once suckled her teet on a magazine cover) has threatened to kill himself if Mommy ever gets a boyfriend. [FameCrawler]

Also, we just learned that Hall is "the Global Ambassador for Levitra, a treatment for erectile dysfunction, manufactured by Bayer Healthcare." [Wikipedia]

Are Jennifer Aniston and Cameron Diaz swapping exes? [Us]

Oh, hey crazy cat ladies. We'll see you in a few years. [cat ladies]

Apparently, Tatum O'Neal's excuse for getting busted for a crack deal got even better yesterday. [YBNBY]

Would your wardrobe be complete with an authentic Bill Cosby sweater? You know, one he actually wore on the show? Well, let the bidding begin because they're on sale at the Bill Cosby Charity Auction. [eBay via The Remote Island]

Baby Wee Wee's Wee Pee Erection

Emily Farris — Thu, 15 May 2008 18:33:00 GMT

(Forgive us if you've seen this before, it's rather old. But it's too good — or maybe just too creepy — not to share)

When we first started watching this commercial, we thought it was like all the doll ads we saw as kids. We had the dolls that would "pee" the water that you "fed" them if you squeezed them hard enough. We did not, however, have a baby doll with a little baby ween that moved up and down and squirted pee high up into the air, or into this poor father's face, as it were.

Click through for some stills of the potty trained Baby Wee Wee.

Apparently this doll is no longer available. And that's probably a good thing.

Creepy Remix of Creepy Polygamist Interview

Emily Farris — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 13:13:00 GMT

This ArtofBleeding mash-up of a recent ABC interview with three polygamist wives from Eldorado, TX is terrifying, yet somehow less creepy than the original.

The Love Detector: Creepiest New Technology

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 20:16:00 GMT

For the person who needs to know everything their lover is thinking, and for their lovers, who either won't know about this or don't mind being self-conscious about every breath, mumble, sneeze, and unspoken thought.

As reported by Reuters on V-Day:

Users who speak by pointing their mobile phones at themselves for video conferences can see a "love meter" bar on the screen of their handset during a conversation.

They later receive an analysis of the conversation delivered through text message that breaks down the amount of affection, surprise, concentration and honesty of the other speaker.

That's according to KTF in South Korea, makers of a product we love to hate. Just like those creepy-ass old carnival games, The Love Detector, now available for Skype PC, is about the weirdest and possibly the most fraudulent technology yet invented for mobile phone use. It was allegedly designed for people who couldn't be bothered to simply ask a crush if the crush is mutual, but apparently that didn't work and now they are moving into the girlfriends-of-strong-silent-types-who-don't-talk-about-their-feelings. (We can just hear it now: Man: Honey, I'm going to be late. Woman: Oooh, no! The Love Detector says you are suffering from a sense of detachment, are possibly homosexual, and are fondling a small dog while we're on the phone. What would you like for dinner?)

But that doesn't stop us from asking some poor soul out there with a PC (ha ha, suckers!) to try it out and not bill us for your use...

Bobby Tisdale Is Watching You! No, Really.

Bobby Tisdale — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 20:56:00 GMT

Sorry I’ve been slack on my posts lately. I was shooting a comedy pilot in Shreveport for the last ten days. I’m back though, and I promise to get on the blog-wagon from here on out. But first, Bobby needs your advice.

I made it back just in time for the Super Bowl and after the game had great conversation/semi-date with this cute girl that lives in my neighborhood. We were getting cozy in a booth at my local bar and I thought everything was going well. Body language was good. All the stars seemed to be aligned. So, I walked her home like a gentleman. When we got to her building she playfully pointed to her window and showed me where she lived, and then told me to call her so we could go on a real date. Blah, blah, blah. You know the drill.

Anyway, I was walking home last night and I couldn’t help but notice her sitting by her kitchen window so I sent her a fun text saying that I was watching her in her apartment. Here’s exactly what I said:

“I can see you! Well, if I had binoculars I could. Not in a creepy way but in a good way!”

Harmless, right? Well, it's been a day and she still hasn’t responded. She could have at least sent a text saying, “That actually IS creepy in a CREEPY way." I mean, give me something to work with, here.

Now I don’t want to call her. Is that wrong? She’s the one that pointed out her kitchen window to me?! Maybe she goes by a two-day text rule or something. Is there even a two-day text rule? At the most, there should just be a two-hour text rule. Don’t even get me farted!

Oh, well. So my dating failure tip of the week is: Never send a text saying you’re watching someone through their window. Not even as a joke. Especially to girls who don't get it.

I’ll keep you posted and let you know if she ever gets back to me, but I’m not smelling wedding balls with this one.