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PapSmeared: Angelina Jolie or Crazy Baby Lady?

Emily Farris — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 21:42:00 GMT

Sloppy Seconds: Crazy Baby Lady Makes it Work

Emily Farris — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 23:14:00 GMT

Last week, while we were taking the dog out for a poo, a man standing in the driveway of the apartment building next door said "Can I have your number?" There was no "Hi, my name is...." There wasn't even a "Hi." We wondered in what world he thinks he can approach women like that and actually get the response he wants. Instead of giving him that speech, we just said "no," gave him a disgusted look and gushed over our poopy puppy. Apparently we weren't the only ones wondering what these men are thinking. As the ladies at Jezebel asked, after a New York Times article on talking to boys about sex, how do you keep boys from becoming [::sigh::] "that creepy guy on Nerve?" [Jezebel]

Speaking of dog poo, we're glad we don't have a microphone held up to our dog's ass every time we take him out. Poor Sasha Obama. [Twitpic]

We could listen to Paul Rudd, Seth Rogen and that guy from the BBC read from Harlequin romance novels all day. Especially when Rogen still has a few extra pounds on him. [Videogum]

What can the Kansas City Police Department do to cut costs during these hard economic times? How, how about just eliminating benefits for same-sex couples? That's cool with everybody, right? [Plog]

Jennifer Love Hewitt did what any respectable starlet should do after a break-up: she got half-naked for Maxim. [People]

A fleet (a battalion?) of dolphins has joined the anti-pirate crusade. [DailyIntel]

At long last: Crazy Baby Lady Nadya Suleman has all fourteen of her children at home. [Us]

Sloppy Seconds: Crazy Baby Lady Holds Out, Won't Put Out

Emily Farris — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 23:01:00 GMT

A 15-year-old student in Florida has been suspended from school for three days because he farted on the bus. [Inquisitr]

Oh, Jesus. Some dude wants to make babies with "angel princess" Paris Hilton. [FadedYouth]

We were sort-of excited (okay, really excited) about "Lesbian Vampire Killers" until we read this: "The lesbian vampire queen, who is in fact the only one of the vampires who seems to genuinely be a lesbian rather than just a generally lusty vampire, can only be killed with the sword. It's a subtle moment, so let's rephrase: The lesbian curse is only lifted when the lesbian is penetrated by the cock sword." [Vulture]

Isaiah Washinton, who was fired from the cast of Grey's Anatomy in 2007 for making a gay slur at co-star T.R. Knight (who had not yet come out of the closet) is facing eviction from his Venice home. [Us]

Contrary to earlier reports, Katy Perry and Josh Groban are not dating. People everywhere continue to not care. [People]

Crazy Baby Lady Nadya Suleman still has not accepted any offers to do porn or any offers to do reality shows featuring Vivid girls. (P.S. Thems not enuf diapers.) [The Frisky]

While You Were Sleeping: Drunk Breastfeeding

[Image]

Octomom: the Reality Series (Plus Porn Stars)

Colleen Kane — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 19:56:00 GMT

Octomom is so last month, but she does still exist, as does her sideshow of offspring, and she is still getting offers, so here is the latest.

Vivid, who made Nadya Suleman the first offer to do porn, have concocted another offer: a reality series conveniently featuring Vivid girls. So just how will these porn stars be worked into the series?

Why, they'll be sexy nurses. Of course they will. (Actually they would be nannies, but close enough.)

"Our girls love babies and our very nurturing," wrote Vivid co-chair Steven Hirsch in a letter to Nadya pitching the series. "They are very excited about the prospect of meeting you and the babies and even offering you tips on how to improve your love life."

He's still offering her a million bucks plus health insurance for the babies, and this time he's adding to the pot a custom bus big enough for the whole family.

We're still not sure where this series would fall on the scale of "must-see train wrecks" to "civilzation is definitely collapsing before our eyes." Would you watch Crazy Baby Lady, the series?

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Crazy Baby Lady Gets Green Counter-Offer to Not Do Porn

Colleen Kane — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 17:32:00 GMT

Yesterday we learned that Ocotmom Nadya Suleman has been offered a stint in porn. Today, coming from the camp of reason and sanity, is the counter-offer for her to please not do porn.

And believe it or not, that counter-offer is coming from the producers of such cinematic masterpieces as MILF Seekers and Desperate MILFS and Housewives.

Kim Kysar, manager of Pink Visual, wrote Ocotmom a letter offering her a year's worth of free diapers--and "not bargain basement diapers," they're offering eco-friendly cloth diapers!-- if she declines the existing million-dollar porno offer from Vivid.

"This might sound strange coming from the head of a porn studio," she wrote, "but there's a great deal of stigma attached to being a porn star. It's not something a mother should take lightly, as this decision will most assuredly affect the lives of your children, and not in a positive way."

We think Octomom already took care of that "affecting the children in a negative way" part herself.

Read the whole letter here.

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via AVN

Crazy Baby Lady to Become Crazy Sex Lady?

Emily Farris — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 15:33:00 GMT

This would be surprising considering the fact that all (most?) of her babies were conceived via in vitro fertilization, but Crazy Baby Lady Nadya Suleman might have a very sexy future awaiting her.

Suleman has been offered one million dollars from Vivid Entertainment to star in a porno. If you're not familiar with Vivid, the company apparently has worked with Pam Anderson, Kim Kardashian and former Miss USA Kelli McCarty.

So now we must ask: Crazy Baby Lady in a porno, hot or not?

[Via The Frisky]

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Sloppy Seconds: Crazy Baby Lady Has One Less Mouth to Feed

Crazy Husband Lady Left Lonely

Emily Farris — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 20:56:00 GMT

There sure are a lot of women out there making us feel better about being on the not-so-long road to Crazy Cat Ladydom. First, it was the Crazy Baby Lady and now—possibly less offensive but just as insane—is the Crazy Husband Lady, Linda Wolfe (not that she's always been Mrs. Wolfe).

The 68-year-old Indiana resident has been Mrs. Scott, Mrs. Street, Mrs. Smith, Mrs. Berisford, Mrs. Chandler, Mrs. Essex, Mrs. Moyer, Mrs. Massie, and Mrs. McMillian, among many other names.

"It's easy to sum up," she said of her life. "When I was younger I was just a snot-nosed kid, but the neighborhood boys were all in love with me. They all wanted to marry me."

But after 23 husbands (two gay, two homeless and more than a few who cheated on her—but she never cheated on them!), Mrs. Linda Wolfe is lonely. She has been single for twelve years.

"I would get married again," she said, "because, you know, it gets lonely."

The weirdest part of all of this (to us, at least) is that with every marriage she changed her name! You'd think she might have wised up after the first few.

[Sun Times: Hoosier woman lonely after 23 marriages]

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Sloppy Seconds: Crazy Baby Lady Has One Less Mouth to Feed

Emily Farris — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 00:17:00 GMT

Now we officially want to punch the economy in the vagina (sorry, the vulva). Beloved Chicago label Touch and Go Records is shutting down distribution. [Pitchfork]

Even Madonna is co-opting vampire culture. Apparently she wants a role in New Moon, the sequel to Twilight. [AfterEllen]

Taylor Swift would like you to not picture her naked. And we would like you to not think about a neon-green dildo. [Us]

Rachel Bilson and Hayden Christensen are engaged. We were unaware they were dating. [People]

All you men who don't understand why average women are so insecure about our looks: even Dita Von Teese has self-esteem issues. Thank you, society. (It should be noted that moments before we saw this item we were thinking about how terribly beady our eyes looked without eye make-up). [FadedYouth]

Roman Polanski is not off the hook yet. A judge in Los Angeles refused to dismiss the 31-year-old sex case against the director because he's a fugitive. This, Mr. Polanski, is what you get for running away from your problems. But, the judge said he might reconsider if Runaway Roman returns to the US. We suspect this might be a trick. [Yahoo!]

The Crazy Baby Lady, otherwise known as Nadya Suleman, has lost her publicist. The Killeen Furtney Group was representing Suleman for free, but decided to quit after receiving death threats via email and voicemail. [Snafu-ed]

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Crazy Baby Lady Skips Welfare, Goes Straight to TV

PapSmeared: Thank God The Crazy Baby Lady Has Time for a Much-Needed Manicure

Emily Farris — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 17:41:00 GMT

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Sloppy Seconds: What Amy Adams Does in Private

Emily Farris — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 22:43:00 GMT

Do you believe that NBC paid crazy baby lady ~~Angelina Jolie~~ Nadya Suleman nothing for her sit down with Ann Curry? [Jossip]

Our favorite headline of the day: 'Nude biker leads trooper on chase in bad weather.' [AP]

Boo: a brewery in Brooklyn has been ordered to stop making its Obama ale. That's too bad. We've had it and it's good. [The Brooklyn Paper]

After seemingly racist photos of her surfaced, Miley Cyrus is being sued for $4 million "on behalf of all "Asian Pacific Islanders living in Los Angeles County." Good luck with that Lucie Kim. [FadedYouth]

Ah! Will U2 just go away for, like, a little while? They're playing for an entire week on David Letterman to promote their upcoming album. [Yahoo!]

Apparently Amy Adams, girl of Scanner Brain's dreams, is actually a bad girl, telling BlackBook magazine, "I misbehave. I just do it in private." We imagine this only means he loves her more now. [People]

Crazy Baby Lady Is, In Fact, A Crazy Baby Lady

Emily Farris — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 15:17:00 GMT

The Crazy Baby Lady, otherwise known as Nadya Suleman, gave her first interview to NBC's Ann Curry yesterday (we wonder how much she got paid for that!). The interview won't air for a few days, but at least now we know why she felt so compelled to have fourteen babies, as a single mother, by age 33. And we know what she looks like!

On how an only child ended up with 14 children: “That was always a dream of mine, to have a large family, a huge family, and– I just longed for certain connections and attachments with another person that I really lacked, I believe, growing up. I was lacking a feeling of self and identity. I didn’t feel as though, when I was a child, I had much control of my environment. I felt powerless. And that gave me a sense of predictability. Reflecting back on my childhood, I know it wasn’t functional. It was pretty— pretty dysfunctional, and whose isn’t? ”

On how long before she first got pregnant: “Well, I went through about seven years of trying. And– through artificial insemination. And through medication. And all of which was unsuccessful. And then the first—IVF procedure from that—from that facility—it was successful. And then I just kept going in.”

Um, yeah. We're no psychiatrists, but we're fairly certain she now very officially qualifies as a crazy baby lady.

[Faded Youth: THE MOTHER OF OCTUPLETS TALKS]

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Crazy Baby Lady Skips Welfare, Goes Straight to TV

Emily Farris — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 20:09:00 GMT

We'd be bragging about calling this one last week, but you'd have to be an idiot not to think the mother of octuplets (plus another six) wasn't going to seek media deals to keep those kiddies fed. At first we thought she'd go for her own show on TLC, but apparently she knows she has blown Jon and Kate Plus 8 out of the water and is going straight to the media major leagues.

The Crazy Baby Lady, otherwise known as Nadya Suleman, is seeking $2 million from media outlets and commercial endorsements. And though she's still recovering from carrying and giving birth two eight babies, she has plans to talk to Oprah and Diane Sawyer.

The 33-year-old's family admits she needs cash from media deals, which makes us wonder how the hell she paid for the in vitro fertilization in the first place. We hate to sound like our mom—she used to bitch about women having more babies so their welfare checks would increase—but DAY-UM, we hope Oprah pays someone else to take those babies away from her.

[Times of London: Octuplets’ mother wants Oprah to turn her into a $2m TV star]

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Crazy Baby Lady Puts Crazy Cat Ladies to Shame

Emily Farris — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 17:57:00 GMT

The media has been all over the story of the unidentified woman who recently gave birth to octuplets, some outlets glorifying her while others criticize. I am on the critical end, especially after learning that her doctors offered early on to reduce the number of embryos following the in vitro fertilization that led to the multiple pregnancy. But after a family acquaintance revealed what the woman's home life is like, I'm starting to believe she's just a crazy baby lady.

The 33-year-old single mother lives with her parents and already has six children, including twins. But it gets worse.

Apparently, the woman's family filed for bankruptcy a year-and-a-half ago, and abandoned their home.

I know a woman has a right to have as many children as she desires, but how many is too many? I love cats, and would love to have 14 to curl up with on a cold day, but I know enough to realize I cannot take care of 14 cats. How will a 33-year-old single mother take care of 14 children, all under the age of seven? Even with the help of her bankrupt parents, it seems near impossible. Especially since the octuplets were born so early they're probably going to have special needs.

Unfortunately, once she reveals her identity she'll probably be further glorified and given her own show on TLC.

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