Scanner : crack cocaine

While You Were Sleeping: The Sexy Mrs. Freddy Kreuger

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 14:16:00 GMT

We can picture it: a Cleopatra movie starring Catherine Zeta-Jones as the title character and Hugh Jackman as Marc Antony. But a musical? And directed by Steven Soderbergh?

Former White House Press Secretary Scott McClelan endorsed Obama on D.L. Hughley's new show. John McCain really needs a high profile endorsement soon-- really, he needs just about anything and everything soon to turn this thing around. Some observers think McCain could be down to funds of only one million dollars a day... you don't even want to know how that compares to Obama's staggering total.

Although we suspect it to be an exaggeration, this is nonetheless the most shocking HIV scare story we can recall...

Students at a suburban St. Louis high school headed to the gymnasium for HIV testing this week after an infected person told health officials as many as 50 teenagers might have been exposed to the virus that causes AIDS.
Officials refused to give details on who the person was or how the students at Normandy High School might have been exposed...
A teacher in a neighboring district singled out a girl who dates someone at Normandy High and instructed her to get tested, Hochstedler said. A competing school's football team initially balked at playing Normandy's 8-0 team.
Jasmine Lane, a 16-year-old sophomore, said her boyfriend from a neighboring high school broke up with her on learning of the news -- after she bought them tickets to homecoming.
"I cried so hard," she said.

There's nothing positive about this story whatsoever. It has the potential to be an explosive, ongoing saga... we'll keep you posted. (Jasmine, we'll totally fly to St. Louis to go to the homecoming with you.)

Yet another downer: a woman was sentenced to forty years in prison. Her crime? Lighting her boyfriend on fire. His? Not beating up the guy who was checking her out.

Anne Hathaway's ex was sentenced yesterday...

A dashing Italian conman who went out with Hollywood actress Anne Hathaway was sentenced by a court in New York on Thursday to four and a half years in prison for fraud. [Yahoo!]

Note to crackheads: it's easy to get busted for faking crack prescriptions... since there's no such thing as a crack prescription.

And this Halloween costume is pretty stupid. Although, we have to admit, Freddy Kreuger has great taste in women.

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: Which Power Ranger Is Guilty of Murder?

Who Would You Rather: The Anne Hathaway...

Alain Baxter's Nude Calendar Artier Than We Expected

Today in F*ck Yeah: Pacman Halloween Costumes

Because It Isn't Halloween Until a Dog Is Wearing a Tiara

Amy Winehouse's Year In Exile

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 19:02:00 GMT

If you're like us, you think Amy Winehouse is an enormously talented, even potentially legendary singer-songwriter who is pissing it all away. Finally, Rolling Stone's exclusive interview with the drugged-out star reveals her secret inner life and explains just what is happening to "our Amy..."

Among the story's highlights, an explanation of how this crack-smoking spiral got going:

Winehouse says all of this is the product of heartbreak from being separated from her true love, whose name appears in a little heart pin she often wears in her hair. "To be honest, my husband's away, I'm bored, I'm young," Winehouse tells me. "I felt like there was nothing to live for. It's just been a low ebb."

Amy ends up sounding like a total drug-addicted mess (surprise!) with a heart of gold (or "wood," as she quips) who may actually get it together when her husband (ever) gets out. But the more immediate feature looks dangerous, even though Winehouse still has it together enough to crack jokes at her own expense, including the below one, a little dig at herself for the racist ditty her husband captured on video:

It's 9 a.m., and outside the last paparazzi leave, shouting up, "Thank you, Amy!" "You're welcome!" she yells back, then she mutters, "You fucking gooks." And cracks up.
She thoughtfully calls me a cab and walks me downstairs, inviting me to join her a few days later for a private concert in Moscow, where she will be paid a reported $2 million to play for Russian oligarch Roman Abramovich. (A day later, her manager rescinds the invitation.) After the show, the newspapers report that Winehouse was drunk and Abramovich's organizers were sent into a mad scramble to search for a replacement. They say she played hours late and without underwear.

Story via Rolling Stone. Photo via Metro UK.

Introducing The Mighty Boosh and Its Crack Fox

Nicole Pasulka — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 17:02:00 GMT

We just discovered the BBC program The Mighty Boosh. We're still not quite sure what it is exactly besides hilarious. In the bit below Vince visits the Crack Fox at his home where "everything is different," we hear the story of the Crack Fox's descent into poverty and vice, and somehow there's also a racist badger.

And, yes, it's as bizarre as it sounds.

Sloppy Seconds: Get That Bill Cosby Sweater You've Always Wanted

Emily Farris — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 22:51:00 GMT

Jerry Hall's creepy 10-year-old son, Gabriel (her fourth with Mick Jagger and the one who once suckled her teet on a magazine cover) has threatened to kill himself if Mommy ever gets a boyfriend. [FameCrawler]

Also, we just learned that Hall is "the Global Ambassador for Levitra, a treatment for erectile dysfunction, manufactured by Bayer Healthcare." [Wikipedia]

Are Jennifer Aniston and Cameron Diaz swapping exes? [Us]

Oh, hey crazy cat ladies. We'll see you in a few years. [cat ladies]

Apparently, Tatum O'Neal's excuse for getting busted for a crack deal got even better yesterday. [YBNBY]

Would your wardrobe be complete with an authentic Bill Cosby sweater? You know, one he actually wore on the show? Well, let the bidding begin because they're on sale at the Bill Cosby Charity Auction. [eBay via The Remote Island]

Money Porn: New Five Dollar Bill Purple and Tumescent With Legal Tender

Bryan Christian — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 17:00:00 GMT

Behold, the latest in crack cocaine purchasing technology: our nation's newest five dollar bill. Designed to replace the last new five dollar bill -- which was introduced late last week and was notable for its for its incorporation of Abe Lincoln's raging case of encephalitis into his portrait -- this way better bill comes in purple and green or green and purple (just like The Incredible Hulk!) and contains twice as many cameras and sensors to monitor your spending and well-being. Also: it's gonna be worth less every day until January 20, 2009.

Have a great recession, everybody!