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Racist Small Town Hoodlums Getting Away with Murder

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 15 May 2009 17:10:00 GMT

Brandon Piekarsky entering court before his acquittal on third-degree murder charges. Piekarsky's level of involvement in the killing is unclear, as he wasn't believed to have helped in the beating.

On July 12th, in Shenandoah, Pennsylvania, a group of white teenagers were walking home when they came across a young Hispanic man in the park with a teenage girl. One of them yelled out, "Isn't it a little late for you to be out? Get your Mexican boyfriend out of here."

The Mexican man, whose name was Luis Ramirez, became enraged and screamed back at them and began calling for backup. Eighteen-year-old Brian Scully then traded punches with Ramirez, with no one ever agreeing on how the fight actually got started. Derrick Donchak, then 19, jumped on top of the badly-beaten Ramirez and, with a piece of metal between his knuckles, began pummeling Ramirez's face. Miraculously, Ramirez was able to recover and the boys ran off, hurling more racial slurs back as they ran. This enraged Ramirez, who chased after them until a quick blow to the head from Colin Walsh, a 17-year-old component of the all-white group, wiped him out. While Ramirez was down, Scully (it is said by witnesses) kicked Ramirez in the head, causing him to foam at the mouth and convulse. He died as a result of that brutal blow.

At the boys' trial, no one seemed to dispute these facts (except which boy did what.) Nonetheless, the jury acquitted the accused of third degree murder and various other charges while convicting them of simple assault. The defendants and their families emerged from the courtroom triumphant, while legal observers say this was on obvious miscarriage of justice:

"There's been a complete failure of justice," said Gladys Limon, staff attorney for the Mexican American Legal Defense and Education Fund, who attended the trial and informed Ramirez's family of the verdict. "It's just outrageous and very difficult to understand how any juror could have had reasonable doubt."

She said the evidence "clearly established that Luis Ramirez was brutally beaten."

Prosecutors cast Ramirez as the victim of a gang of drunken white teens motivated by a dislike of their small coal town's burgeoning Hispanic population. But the jury evidently sided with defense attorneys, who called Ramirez the aggressor and characterized the brawl as a street fight that ended tragically. [New York Daily News]
As Avery Friedman argues persuasively in the video from CNN yesterday, this was a pretty clear-cut case of jury nullification: the weight of evidence against the accused was so powerful that it's clear the all-white jury -- like similar juries in the South during the Civil Rights struggle -- was not going to convict two young white men of murdering a Mexican. Even if, as Friedman says, "the only reason he is dead is because he was Mexican." [Crooks and Liars]

Now, some activists are putting pressure on the state's Democratic Governor, Ed Rendell, to speak out about the hate crime. They believe the worst is still to come from a town that is almost 100% Caucasian and only 1% Hispanic...

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Divorced Couple in Custody Battle Over Dog Semen

Emily Farris — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 16:57:00 GMT

We've never had the desire to get a pet with a significant other (okay, maybe once). It's much better going into the relationship knowing whose pet is whose so that when the inevitable split comes, we at least have our furry friends—who love us unconditionally—to cuddle up to. A not-so-wise couple that divorced seven years ago were back in court this week fighting over a dog. Sort-of.

Karen Scully, who lives in Florida, and her ex-husband, Anthony Scully, who stayed in Michigan after the divorce, have gone before Michigan family court judge Cheryl Matthews to determine which of them is legally entitled to frozen semen belonging to Cyrus, Regg and Romeo—dogs.

The three dogs, all AKC-registered bullmastiffs, are apparently worth $2,000, making their spunk just as valuable.

In the end, the judge—who at first asked "I asked, 'Am I Being Punk'd? Is this a 'Candid Camera' thing?"—ruled that it was not a divorce matter and told the couple they would have to ruff it out in civil court. Except she did not make that terrible pun; we did.

[Freep.com: Battle over frozen dog sperm gives judge pause -- and paws]

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While You Were Sleeping: Jennifer Aniston Milking It

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 15:25:00 GMT

Happy St. Patrick's Day, everybody. Whatever that means.

The day we've all been waiting for: Portia does Ellen... 's show.

Liam Neeson's wife Natasha Richardson is in critical condition following a skiing accident.

Poor Steve-O: Dancing With the Stars hurted him too much.

How fucked up is it that the above photo of Amy Winehouse is her looking "healthier" than she has in ages?

That nitwit Tom Green was "fired" from Celebrity Apprentice. That show's still on? And they were even considering Tom Green worthy of being considered for a job at a Donald Trump company? Sheesh.

Imus has prostate cancer.

Jennifer Aniston claims she was the one that dumped John Mayer. Just to milk this story for another news cycle...

Sorry for the late blogging today, we're all here at SXSW now. We'll be at Maggie Mae's tonight if you want to say hello.

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The Gays Fought The Law, Too Early to Tell Who Won

Emily Farris — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 21:36:00 GMT

Unfortunately, legal gay marriage doesn't always come along with the same rights that straight marriage does. In Massachusetts, eight same-sex couples and three gay widowers are trying to change that by suing the federal government.

According to advocates of gay marriage, even same-sex couples married legally are denied more than 1,000 federal programs and legal protections. This leaves more than 10,000 couples in Massachusetts alone without certain benefits including, from health insurance to retirement and death benefits for surviving spouses.

The suit, filed today in U.S. District Court for Massachusetts, was brought by the same lawyers who led the campaign to legalize gay marriage in the state in 2003.

"As lawyers we look at this as one step at a time," said Gary Buseck, legal director of Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders. "This is really about how the federal government treats Massachusetts marriages."

[Reuters: Married gay couples sue U.S. seeking federal rights]

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Sloppy Seconds: What Will Rihanna Say to Chris Brown?

Emily Farris — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 23:15:00 GMT

Most likely playing off of the popular Facebook meme 25 things is the new blog 25 Things About My Sexuality, where people can randomly post just that. [25ThingsAboutMySexuality]

Slumdog Millionaire's Freida Pinto has signed onto Woody Allend's latest film. [AfterEllen]

Is San Francisco about to lose the Chronicle to the recession? That's it, we're taking our bottle of Jameson and our box of Entenmann's rich frosted donuts and crawling into a cave until this is all over. [Bloomberg]

Um, what is Kim Kardashian doing with a pet chimp? [Us]

If drinking is good for your heart but could lead to cancer what do you choose? If you're us, and have a history of heart disease in your family and no known cases of cancer, you drink! [ABC]

Rihanna will reportedly face her ex-boyfriend Chris Brown (who allegedly beat the hell out of her, in case you haven't heard) in court when his criminal threats case goes to trial. [Starpulse]

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Woman With the Best Perv Name Ever to Be Sentenced For, Well, Being a Perv

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 17:03:00 GMT

Maryland just received a much-needed injection of seediness after a small-town English teacher pleaded guilty yesterday to a sex crime involving one of her students.

The media is having a field day with this one, with television reporters gleefully repeating her porn star name over and over to soak up a bit more of that ratings glory...

According to the Baltimore Sun, Autumn Lee Leathers (yum) faces a one-year prison sentence after taking a plea deal from prosecutors, who tossed out charges of assault and child abuse. The crime she is now guilty of? Having a torrid, three-month sex fest with a 15-year-old boy, which became so loud and publicly obnoxious that her neighbors finally had to rat her out:

Officers say they were contacted by a resident, who noticed the student at Leathers’ home several times n the late evening.

When he was interviewed by officers, the student told them he and Leathers had a sexual relationship that started in May of this year and continued throughout the summer.

Authorities believe all of the sexual activity occurred at Leathers’ home, not in the school. A search warrant was executed at Leathers’ home on Braddock Street in Frostburg Wednesday evening, where police found other evidence that has become part of the investigation. [Naughty Neighbors]

Leathers was 24 at the time of her crimes-- and was admittedly kind of a cutie then-- so, she becomes part of our ongoing thesis about attractive 22- to 29-year-old teachers in America finding that, for the first time in their lives, there are "men" that are off-limits to them and how great it makes them feel to break the rules...

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Trailer Trash Tramp Takes Two Teens To... Paradise?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 14:49:00 GMT

Picture this: you live in a trailer in Houma, Lousiana. No, that's too horrible to imagine for most-- how about this instead:

Imagine a woman is living in a trailer in Louisiana. One night, she invites two thirteen-year-old boys and four boys of legal age to her place for a game of cards. After losing what we must assume was a very randy round of strip poke, she asks all six dudes to accompany her to the bedroom, where they took turns having sex with her while the others gawked, giggled, and most likely turned toward each other with "Dude, holy shit, dude!" looks on their faces.

Now, if you're the judge sentencing this woman-- remember, you're in the South-- how much jail time do you slap this woman with?

If you're Judge Timothy Ellender, the answer is NONE. Ellender is one of those rare judges who, instead of trying to win reelection by showing the media how unfairly tough on crime he can be, actually heeded the advice of the victim's family, who asked that Maureen Lirette receive zero jail time. They told the judge that the boys were not upset and, because Lirette has a young daughter, it would be best for everyone if Lirette received probation.

Thanks to state law allowing victims to weigh in on a criminal's punishment, the Judge was able to hear the family's recommendations. He listened, and now Lirette will serve five years of supervised probation and be placed in a registry of sex offenders. Among Judge Ellender's greatest hits, according to WWLTV:

“So this was a gang bang? Are you pleased with yourself? Can’t you get yourself a man?”
“There’s a double standard. Some people think you did a 13-year-old boy a favor. I certainly don’t.”

“I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. But you need to be embarrassed.”

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Hooters Fires Physically-Abused Waitress For Not Looking Hot Enough

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 22:51:00 GMT

All Sara Dye, 27, wanted from Hooters was her job back-- or, if she couldn't have that, the unemployment benefits she was due under Iowa state law. However, her ex-employer fought her all the way through trial, desperate to prevent her from receiving the few hundred dollars (we're guessing) she was owed.

Not only that, but Dye hadn't done anything deliberate that warranted a sacking-- unless you count picking the Boyfriend or Husband From Hell...

Dye was hospitalized, battered and bruised, following several unspecified instances of "domestic abuse," according to The Des Moines Register. Dye met with the Davenport Hooters management and all parties agreed she was not well enough to work-- because of her appearance, of course. God forbid horny perverts see anything other than a bunch of flawless Barbie dolls worshiping at their feet, waiting for wings orders. In fact, it's written in the Hooters manual that a hostess (Dye's job) must maintain a "glamorous appearance."

When Dye was unable to heal fast enough, she was prevented from returning to work. When she asked another employee what the deal was, the employee told Dye she had been fired. Thankfully, a judge sided with the victim and awarded her the benefits. But, good Lord, was it worth it, Hooters?

Our handbook states you have to have a glamorous appearance. It doesn't actually say, 'Bruises on your face are not allowed.' It does talk about the all-American cheerleader look."

Sheedy said Dye could now resume working at Hooters, assuming she maintained a glamorous appearance.

"She told me that she was very badly beaten, she (had been) unconscious, she was in the hospital," Duvall said. "She was like, 'I really want to work next week. ...' I said, 'You need to come in and speak to Gina and let her see your appearance.'"

God bless America.

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Sloppy Seconds: Is The Pill Making the World Unhappy?

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 22:52:00 GMT

As if we need to remind you to switch to Firefox, a new report says Internet Explorer has another major security flaw.

Anthony Keidis came close to having kidney failure.

Did you know this weekend's box office included the biggest bomb in the history of movies? It turns out Delgo, which has a "D" average on Yahoo!, made just a half a million dollars back on its $40 million budget. Delgo is actually an independent film produced by an Atlanta entrepreneur and would've been a great slap-in-the-face to the Hollywood studios if it had been a success. We wanted it to be a great film, but more importantly, we wanted it to succeed outside the system. Such a shame...

The Cleveland Clinic has completed the first face transplant in the U.S.

Phish will headline Bonnaroo.

How did one North Carolina high school decide to honor their spelling bee champ? Guess.

A man is wanted by the courts for paying his $56 traffic fine. Paying his fine-- he paid his fine. Of course, he paid it with 112 rolls of pennies, which may have something to do with the problem...

Thank God: Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber named their kid... Samuel. Phew.

A four-year-old boy snuck out of his house in the middle of the night, crossed a seven-lane-highway, and broke into a dollar store to play with toys. Kid, piece of advice... if you're going to commit a toy burglarly, Toys 'R Us might be more bang for your (literal) buck.

A man is in custody today for plotting to (literally) cut off his former son-in-law's balls.

The Pill is going on sale over the counter pretty soon in the UK. But is it... making us all unhappy sex fiends?

And Carmen Electra (see above photo) can't get enough of Playboy.

Virgin Mary as Never Seen Before: In Mexican Playboy

How Do You Like Your Hair Down There?

While You Were Sleeping: Scores Strikes Out

Who Will Be Time's Person of the Year?

This Week in Gayness: Call In Gay Tomorrow

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 15:12:00 GMT

An Iowa court has agreed to entertain challenges to the state's discriminatory gay marriage law.

Here's more info on that transgender prostitute who was beaten to death in a Memphis jail.

An 18-year-old who is transitioning from female to male has some devastating words for high schools, their students, and their administrators.

Apparently, Washington State residents are unaware of the separation of church and state-- or the fact that "religion is superstition and myth," as an infamous stolen sign indicated.

Don't forget: a Day Without A Gay is Wednesday. Read more about that here.

An art student at Brigham Young University saw his art project, which featured gay students from the school, censored and possibly even removed.

And some hope for the future:

North Carolina law does prohibit gay marriage here, but GOP attempts to enshrine it in the state constitution have so far failed.

Carrboro has had a long history of being gay-friendly. It was one of the first communities in North Carolina to offer health benefits to the same-sex partners of municipal workers. Openly gay former Mayor Mike Nelson served five terms and is now an Orange County commissioner.

So it did not really surprise many in this state when the other day the Carrboro city council has passed a resolution supporting gay marriage and sent copies of it off to the state and federal government.

Hey, every step in the right direction is deserving of applause...

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Now Sweden Has Its Very Own Orgasm Church

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 16:46:00 GMT

A Swedish court handed down a decision last week acknowledging that The Madonna of Orgasm Church (the other Madonna) had a right to registration as a faith organization, which, according to news reports, is some sort of slap in the face to Christians...

Originally, the Legal, Financial and Administrative Services Agency (Kammarkollegiet) had refused the church’s registration application on the grounds that its name may offend Christians.

What, because of the word Madonna? Man, those freaks need to get over themselves.

According to the Skånska Dagbladet newspaper, the idea for the church came to Bebeacua, who is the church’s self-appointed cardinal, after a painting of his entitled 'The Madonna of Orgasm' sparked protests requiring police action during the 1992 World’s Fair in Seville, Spain.

“The orgasm is God, the orgasm should be worshiped,” Bebeacua told the Kvällsposten newspaper.

“The orgasm is the ultimate feeling of lust, it shouldn’t be limited to ejaculation. You can reach it through art or by looking at a landscape and thinking ‘Wow!’”

Bebeacua says his church has a few hundred followers, but we beg to differ: it's more like hundreds of millions, all of whom would probably welcome climaxing via landscape, if only we could figure out how the hell that's going to happen...

Via the Local.

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While You Were Sleeping: Sasha Grey's Shot At The Mainstream

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 13:08:00 GMT

We somehow missed this during the debate the other night... but that's a real honest-to-God photo.

It took a man 4 hours and 39 minutes to eat a burger (it must've been from Wendy's)... because it was 7 kilograms.

Britney's week of greatness has ended: the prosecution has rested in her trial.

Joe the (Non-)Plumber has given more interviews in the past 24 hours than Sarah Palin has in this entire campaign. Anyone who would argue she is ready to President should be deported, I'm sorry.

Sasha Grey is confirmed to star in Steven Soderbergh's next movie. Will porn stars take over Hollywood now?

A bug. 30 centimeters long. Don't click here.

And John McCain showed up to explain his absence from a previous episode of The Late Show with David Letterman:

[CBS has disabled embedding for their own video after posting it as an embeddable clip. Losers. Anyway, you can watch it via this link.]

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This Week In Gayness: Fauxmosexuals Ruining It For Everyone Else

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 13:49:00 GMT

There were millions of people at Rio de Janeiro's gay parade this week.

The Pin-Up Girls do burlesque for the LGBT crowd. We just want to know their tour dates and that is all:

[The Girls embrace] all different types of women. Girl on girl action, these girls make a big splash in the LGBT community. In other words, after a performance, there is not a dry seat in the house. [Lez Get Real]

The Connecticut Supreme Court's decision to legalize gay marriage pointed out the absurdity of gay marriage opponents arguing against the institution of marriage:

The majority opinion summarized their argument this way: "[T]hey asserted that the plaintiffs had failed to demonstrate that they have suffered any harm as a result of the statutory bar against same sex marriage because, under the civil union law, gay persons are entitled to all of the rights that married couples enjoy." Logic like this puts gay marriage opponents in the odd position of devaluing the institution of marriage. Marriage, they end up arguing, is nothing so special that it can't be replicated by a parallel institution--in this case, civil unions. Yet the entire point of creating civil unions is to preserve what is allegedly special about the institution of marriage. There is a pretty blatant contradiction here. [The New Republic]

Gawker wants to know if "fauxmosexuals" are ruining it for gay people? We don't have an answer for them, although we were glad to see someone else point out that Katy Perry stole her song from Jill Sobule's "I Kissed A Girl."

It's important to remember that, even after our victories in the courts, the scum are meanwhile redoubling their efforts. According to a variety of sources, "family"/morals groups have claimed victory in their boycott over the supposedly "pro-gay" McDonald's.

Keep up the good fight...

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Gonzo Porn Director Slapped With 4 Years In Prison By Un-American Tampa Court

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 16:46:00 GMT

"I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it."
- from The Friends of Voltaire by Evelyn Beatrice Hall, 1906

The US District Court in Tampa, Florida appears to have forgotten the lessons of the above quote, Lenny Bruce, and the First Amendment to the United States Constitution: on Friday, they sentenced the disgusting, misogynistic, violent, and downright horrible pornographer Max Hardcore (real name Paul Little) to a three years and ten months in prison, a case of gross injustice if there ever was one. The stock market crashes, we may actually elect McCain-Palin, and the national debt is soaring, but the real problem here is our inability to see how all this is leading to a degradation in our collective sanity...

Let's look at the facts: Paul Little made sickening, perverted, and borderline child-porn films featuring women being pissed and puked on, for starters. (No, let's stop there, it doesn't improve from there.) The point isn't what he did-- it's what he didn't do. He didn't do anything that invalidates his First Amendment rights to free speech. He didn't rape children or even film children naked. He was convicted of obscenity, which, if we're not mistaken, is basically the same charges that drove Lenny Bruce to his doom. And would anyone today deny Lenny Bruce's routines were protected speech?

As Slate put it:

“So, to recap, in the Land of the Free: if you’re an adult who produces a film using other consenting adults, for the entertainment of still other consenting adults, which merely depicts fictional acts of humiliation and degradation, the DOJ will prosecute you and send you to prison for years."

There's another issue here: why was a California resident, who does his business solely within the state, prosecuted in Florida? Most believe it's because local law in Florida is less kind to the porn people, making it easier to charge and convict Little. (We have yet to hear another rational explanation for the trial's venue.) Of course, we're sure Little will appeal this to the highest levels, although by the time it gets there, we may have a McCain-Palin Supreme Court passing judgment on morality and the Constitution...

Read more here. Thanks to Jeff for the link. UPDATED: For some reason, the quote at the top was deleted after the jump...

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Sex Offender Running For VT Senate Seat

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 13:08:00 GMT

Every day, we read more than one hundred stories from around the globe and eventually concentrate on four or five that really stand out.

This is not only the most unusual, interesting, heartbreaking, and, ultimately, frightening tale we've come across in months, but it also may been too good for a simple blog post... but we're going to try...

Larkin Forney (his real name) was born in Virginia. When he was nine years old, he was struck by a car traveling at approximately 50 MPH. The accident put him in a coma for weeks and caused a traumatic brain injury (TBI.) He spent the next several years catching up on the previous nine, since they were all but erased from his memory. Predictably, his grades plummeted and he ended up broke, unemployed, and playing out the role everyone else cast him in.

Cut to the early 21st century (Larking was born in 1977) and Larkin is arrested for sexually assaulting a 14-year-old girl. Larkin claimed in court that he was guilty but that he was ignorant of the girl's real age, since he simply took her word for it. Soon after, despondent and confused, he set fire to himself and, ultimately, a room in his parents' home; badly disfigured, he survived, only to wind up charged with arson and reckless endangerment-- talk about adding insult to injury. (We don't dispute the state's right to prosecute him on this one, just the necessity of doing so.)

Normally, a story like this would jump to today's news, about Forney's run for the State Senate on his own party's ticket, Justice For Vermonters. However, in the course of our research into Forney's background, we dug up a little more dirt (from October 2004) that shows, regardless of Forney's injuries, the fact of the matter is he may be more dangerous man than sympathetic sinner:

Defendant has been incarcerated since July 2003 when he failed to post $50,000 bail after being charged with arson and misdemeanor reckless endangerment... Defendant has other charges pending against him because of acts he allegedly committed while he was released on bail prior to his trial on felony counts for a third DWI, and a refusal to take an evidentiary breath test for a third DWI. While on release from the DWI charges, defendant initiated a consensual sexual relationship with a girl whom he met on the internet and whom he allegedly believed was of age. A police investigation conducted after defendant and the girl had been hospitalized for drug and alcohol overdoses revealed that the girl was under the age of sixteen, and that the two allegedly engaged in sexual intercourse on two occasions. These revelations led to two charges of sexual assault on a minor... Defendant could not post bail and as a result was briefly incarcerated until bail was raised. While out on release, defendant was charged with violating the condition that he not use the internet. Finally, out of frustration with his predicament, defendant apparently attempted to commit suicide by dousing himself in gasoline and setting a fire in his room at his parent' s house. The ensuing fire badly burned defendant and left his face and arms visibly disfigured. The fire also seriously damaged his parent's house. As a result, defendant was charged with arson and misdemeanor reckless endangerment of his mother, and the high bail was set.

When we first sat down to write about this guy, the post we had in mind was more along the lines of "this piece of trash thinks he can run for public office? Anybody can run for public office, but not a sick perverted idiot sex offender." Now, we're not so sure that's how we feel. Is the fact that he's obviously brain damaged, possibly mentally incompetent, and a prime candidate for psychiatric treatment enough to overshadow the fact that he's clearly-- pardon the term-- a "menace to society?" Moreover, does he have any business running for elected office either way?

"I want to be a senator because I think I could bring integrity and honesty back to the justice system which I believe is failing us because I have been a victim of false reports and false accusations," Forney said.

He spent 21 months behind bars for his sex crime conviction... And he says he will address the hot topic of the day-- dealing with sex offenders.

"I agree that there should be tighter restrictions for sex offenders who are real predators... a danger to society. I had testimony from professionals that I am no predator or a pedophile," Forney said.

That's something you don't see every century: a convicted sex offender running for office on a tough-on-sex-offenders platform. What do you think? Is this guy too scary to be on the streets or should we just incarcerate where he'd never be heard from again... such as the Vermont state government?

More on his run here, via WCAX. Campaign website is here. His brother's plea to treat Larkin with respect. And the court papers.

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Girl, Molested By Teacher And Guidance Counselor, Is Kicked Out Of School

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 14:09:00 GMT

Here's a case you don't see every day: a guidance counselor is convicted of molesting a teenage student and, a year later, the girl's history teacher is charged with the same crime. The next thing you know, the girl, who was 15 at the time of these assaults, is being kicked out of school...

According to the Salt Lake Tribune, this high school student is no saint:

During a Sept. 18 bail hearing for Fanjul, prosecutors acknowledged the girl was "sexually posturing" with a third teacher. While arguing to reduce Fanjul's bail, defense attorney Kenneth Brown pointed to that allegation and the girl's subsequent departure from the school.
An administrator reportedly said, "I hope that she never comes back because she is a predator," Brown told 3rd District Judge Ann Boyden.

Luckily for all involved, the third teacher reported the come-on to the proper authorities, who immediately removed the troubled child. The question the judge has to weigh now, of course, is to what degree does the girl's seduction techniques weigh in on the charges, if any? Of course, the law doesn't give a rat's turd about how the incident occurred (unless, of course, the girl raped the teachers or something similar), it's going to punish these fools for a long time. (The guidance counselor was sentence to three terms of up to 15 years each.)

Here's something else to keep in mind in our People's Court out here: Jose Fanjul, who protests his innocence, is also accused of sending a text to another student asking if he can be her boyfriend. This guy doesn't sound like he was helpless to the teenage girl's charms... again, not that it matters. What do you think?

Via the Salt Lake Tribune.

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Today in WTF: Female Stripper Charged With Raping Customer

Police Officer Busted For Trading Speeding Ticket For Sex

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 18:25:00 GMT

You drive a Lexus and instead of paying a speeding ticket you bribe a police officer with sex? Damn, they must have some harsh penalties for speeding in California...

According to the Union-Tribune in San Diego, a woman was busted at her hotel room shortly after a court appearance for having sex with the police officer who wrote her a speeding ticket but showed up to testify that the ticket was no good at her trial. Jesus, Lady, what was it? Three hundred bucks? One fifty? Whether you were attracted to him or not, you had to know that it was way less trouble to just pay the ticket rather than facing your new charge of bribing a witness.

Here are the facts:

1) The cop (California Highway Patrol Officer Abram Carabajal) wrote the driver (Shirin Zarrindej) a ticket in March for speeding.

2) In June, the cop signed a subpoena agreeing to appear in court for the case.

3) The night before their court appearance, Carabajal, who is married with children, made a reservation for the next morning. How presumptuous of him.

4) Carabajal appeared in front of a judge and stated: “I did not receive a subpoena. I request in the interest of justice this be dismissed.”

5) After testifying, unindentified individuals spotted Carabajal and Zarrindej heading to a nearby GuestHouse Inn & Suites. There, Zarrindej paid with her credit card, disappeared inside (arm-in-arm!) with her pursuer/savior, and was arrested following his departure.

So, rather than pay a couple hundred bucks... the woman commits a far greater crime, pays for a last-minute hotel reservation with her own credit card, has possibly an hour of sex with a married man, and hangs around to get busted, possibly for bribery, conspiracy, and perjury. How do you think her legal expenses, fines (or jail time), hotel bill, and lost wages from fighting this next case compare to the original traffic ticket? And are these two a match made in heaven or what?

Five officers arrived at the hotel room at 1:42 p.m. Zarrindej told them she wanted to have sex with Carabajal and didn't care that he was married and had children. She told investigators that “Carabajal was her boyfriend and that she was in love with him.” [SignOn San Diego]

Related:

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Today in WTF: Female Stripper Charged With Raping Customer

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 17:24:00 GMT

We're going to have to tread lightly with this one...

A woman in Australia named Linda Maree Naggs was performing a striptease and or a lapdance at a bachelor party amid a parade of entertainers. The next thing she knew, she was charged with raping a man who was at that party. Here's what we think could have happened:

1) She actually did rape the guy. Duh, obviously it's possibly the charge is true. She could have taken off his pants and sat on his dick or roughed him up or maybe blown him when he was drunk. Anything could've happened, really.

2) The guy in the story is actually the groom and his fiancee found out, so he told her the stripper had raped him. Unlikely, but we're exploring all options out of a sense of fairness.

3) Maybe the newspaper reports of Naggs having "sexually penetrated the man" are poorly worded. Maybe Australia's sex laws are phrased in such a way to include inappropriate dancing/touching/blowing as rape, instead of something closer to a misdemeanor.

What do you think? Obviously, no one knows the exact details of the case-- for one thing, both parties have placed gag orders on themselves, despite the magistrate's decision to allow the facts be made public-- so we can only speculate... but are we missing some possibilities here? (Obviously, we'll provide more details if they ever become available...)

Image via MTV.

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You Know Your Wedding Was A Blast When You Were Both Tasered... Twice

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 15:48:00 GMT

We know it's still technically wedding season, but that doesn't explain why the last week or two has brought us some of the most insane wedding stories since the dawn of time. This time, however, we think we've found the one tale that will stand the test of time...

Because, seriously, how could a party this wild not be worth traveling, getting dressed up, and slipping the bride and groom a couple bucks?

1) Receptions can get out of hand, and often the police need to be called to clear the place out if it's 3:30 in the morning and staff overtime wasn't in the budget. But rarely do they get so out of hand that police officers from 14 precincts and departments arrive and taser the hell out of the bride and groom, then arrest them and make them spend their wedding nights in separate jail cells:

"The short version of the story is they didn't want to quit their partying," said Mike Sepic, Berrien County, Mich., chief assistant prosecutor. "If you put this in the class of wedding receptions gone bad, I guess this would take the cake."

2) Yuk, yuk. Also arrested that night, thanks to their interference in the arrests of the relatives, the groom's father, aunt, cousin, and uncle, each of whom ended up paying $450 and pleading to lesser charges.

3) The fairytale beach wedding turned ugly when Tom Burnison, co-owner of the gallery in which the reception was taking place, got angry with a reveler who tried to break a plate-glass window with one of his lamps. Burnison called the police, who trickled in and were allegedly met by angry, "cursing" guests:

"[The groom] got angry and started yelling, 'What are you doing? This is my wedding! You're making my wife cry!' " Skowron said. "The crowd was trying to hold back the groom from mouthing off more, but finally he broke free, and they had to take him down," Sepic said of police. "He was heading for the officers. . . . Then the bride moved in and tried to interfere."

4) What happened next, as the wedding photographer agrees, represents a total police overreaction and lends credence to the movement against the use of Tasers on unarmed civilians: as the groom was knocked to the ground, his wife held on to him; because of this, she ended getting shocked when he got shocked. The whole party quickly fell apart, and the unhappy couple were hauled off to the pen.

5) The coda to all this and what makes the story so memorable is the little paragraph the Chicago Sun Times failed to elaborate on:

Two nights later, the bride and groom were again arrested in Michigan -- and again shocked by a stun gun -- after struggling with police investigating a noise complain... The groom was charged with pushing his new wife down during that incident, but the charge was later dropped as part of a plea bargain...

6) What happened? Were they beating the crap out of each other? Arguing over whose fault it was their reception ended in disaster? We'd really rather have heard that these two went on to fifty years of a pain-free marriage, made all the stronger by the stormy wedding day. Two friends of ours were just married in New York and their honeymoon was similarly full of chaos: from car breakdowns to spider attacks to being locked out of their suite on the one night they had it reserved... and so on. But as their relatives reminded them, "Most great marriages had auspicious starts..."

Let's hope the same goes for these two... because things couldn't have gotten off to a worse start, no?

Photo and excerpts from the Chicago Sun-Times.

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Today In WTF: Man Busted After Remarrying His Ex-Wife... Who Had A Restraining Order Against Him

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 14:07:00 GMT

Wait a minute... lemme get this straight:

Timothy Cole was hosting a reception following his own wedding at his home in Batavia, New York, with his bride and a couple of friends. Late in the evening, a neighbor called the police and complained about an argument next door. Police arrived at the scene to find Cole fighting with one of his guests over something as innocuous as a chair. They took the groom to the station, whereupon running an arrest record search, they found something hilarious... and disturbing...

According to the Democrat And Chronicle, police found that Cole's

new wife had filed an order of protection against him less than six weeks prior to their wedding.

Though he said he could not go into specifics, Zola said Cole has “an extensive history” with the Batavia Police Department, adding that this is at least the second time that Cole has violated a court order of protection.

Not only that, they discovered the woman is Cole's ex-wife who he had, of course, just married a few hours earlier. We've heard of some terrible wedding nights, but this has got to be one for the history books for all concerned.

Cole was charged with second-degree criminal contempt July 1, meaning that he violated a previous court order. The July 1 order of protection required Cole to stay away from the woman he ended up marrying Friday. The order, which also mandated that he stay away from the woman’s home, school, business and place of employment, was to be in effect until July 1, 2011.

Because Cole violated that order of protection, he was charged with first-degree criminal contempt, a felony offense. His wife was not charged with anything, police said.

Via Democrat And Chronicle.

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Sloppy Seconds: Identical Twins Marry

Breaking News: Nerve Conquers All, Or At Least The Child Online Protection Act Trial

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 19:32:00 GMT

Do you guys remember the Live From The COPA Trial blog Nerve ran a few years back?

Word just came in from Will Doig, our Editor-In-Chief, that Nerve, Salon, and other websites have won their ACLU-led free speech fight against the dangerous Child Online Protection Act, after years of appeals and other legal wrangling by the government...

Tonight, we'll be rounding up the neighborhood children, strapping them to the chairs, and prying their eyes open to see unquestionable filth like Victoria's Secret, Barack Obama.com, and the "penis balloons" tag on Scanner, all of which will surely damage them for life. Okay, we're kidding, but we'll definitely be celebrating our glorious victory, which is in no small part thanks to testimony by defendent and Nerve CEO, Rufus Griscom...

One ACLU lawyer writes in:

We won! The Third Circuit has affirmed the district court finding that COPA is unconstitutional.

According to Wikipedia:

On March 22, 2007, U.S. District Judge Lowell A. Reed, Jr. once again struck down the Child Online Protection Act,^[7] finding the law facially violates the First and Fifth Amendments of the United States Constitution. Reed issued an order permanently enjoining the government from enforcing COPA, commenting that "perhaps we do the minors of this country harm if First Amendment protections, which they will with age inherit fully, are chipped away in the name of their protection."^[8] The government again appealed, and the case is now before the Third Circuit.^[9]
COPA... is a law in the United States of America, passed in 1998 with the declared purpose of protecting minors from harmful sexual material on the Internet. The federal courts have ruled that the law violates the constitutional protection of free speech, and therefore have blocked it from taking effect. Several US states have since passed similar laws.
The law was part of a series of efforts by US lawmakers legislating over Internet pornography. Parts of the earlier and much broader Communications Decency Act had been struck down as unconstitutional by the Supreme Court; COPA was a direct response to that decision, narrowing the range of material covered. COPA only limits commercial speech and only affects providers based within the United States.

We'll have more on this emerging story, including an interview with an ACLU lawyer, in the very near future...

Today in WTF: Guy Gets Off (For/On) Getting 14-Year-Old Girl Drunk, Violating Her

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 20:20:00 GMT

This is such a crazy clusterfuck of a court case, we're going to do something we almost never do: take the entire article relaying the facts of the case and present them to you, without abbreviation. You have to read every word to get the full picture...

Having sex with a drunken 14-year-old he had plied with alcohol was not a criminal offence by [a] former Calgary man, a judge ruled yesterday.
Justice Peter McIntyre said there was insufficient evidence the girl didn't consent to having sex with Trevor Byron Niebergall.
But McIntyre did find Niebergall guilty of sexual assault for placing his genitals on the girl's face after she passed out -- an act the offender captured on his cellphone camera and showed to co-workers.
McIntyre said the fact the teenage complainant didn't remember her sexual encounter with Niebergall at a December 2005 New Year's Eve party did not mean she hadn't consented.

He noted one witness said she appeared to have the capacity to consent when she and Niebergall went to a washroom in his brother's apartment, where they had sex. And the Queen's Bench judge said the girl willingly consumed large amounts of alcohol supplied by Niebergall even after he made lewd sexual comments.

Hold it! Let's break it down: there was insufficient evidence she didn't consent (rather than the other way around)... he put his dick on her face when she was asleep (but apparently that's not painting a picture for the judge of a pervert here)... she didn't remember having sex but still was somehow sober enough to consent... she was not too drunk to walk to a bathroom, which apparently means she was okay to operate sexual machinery... okay, okay, he was found guilty of assaulting her with that whole penis thing, so we'll say no more for now.

She said on three occasions the accused said he would drink with her if she performed a sexual act on him.
"The accused's lewd comments towards her did not compel her to leave," the judge said. "The complainant was not forced to consume alcohol -- she drank ... beer willingly and then switched to alcohol. It is not at all clear why she drank so heavily."

Because she was a drunk fourteen-year-old girl hanging out with older men and did not leave before they screwed her, there's no crime. Also, beer is not alcohol?

Niebergall, then 19, showed photographs of the teen, naked and passed out, to co-workers the following day, bragging he had had sex with her six times.

Nope, no punishment or even a charge for displaying this photo without permission.

But in his testimony he said they only had sex twice, one in the bathroom and later when other partygoers had left and both times with her consent.

Ha ha. Well, at least he couldn't exaggerate the size of his manhood, since it's in the picture.

McIntyre said because the girl drank so heavily and had little recollection of events at the party, he could not accept her claim she didn't agree to have sex.
"Her evidence was not reliable after she started drinking," he said.
Crown prosecutor Susan Kennedy said a 45- to 60-day jail term is warranted for the incident which occurred after the teen passed out.
Defence lawyer Pat Flynn has requested a pre-sentence report before making his full submissions. The case returns to court on Oct. 14.

We understand that drunkenness taints the case and the fact that the girl doesn't remember what happened really hurts the prosecution's chances of a conviction for anything, but that still doesn't mean we like the verdict.

Remember that, girls-- there's a new sheriff in town. Drink so much as a beer and get violated in every orifice (sorry for that imagery), the courts won't be there to protect you.

Via The Calgary Sun.

Ex-Diplomat On Trial For Child Sex: It's Okay To Have Sex With Kids

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 19:33:00 GMT

Gons G. Nachman, which he swears is his real name, pleaded guilty in Virginia a few months back to possessing child pornography. Now his trial has taken an interesting twist after he made what some people think is an outrageous claim...

[The] ex-diplomat convicted of having sex with teenage girls in the Congo and Brazil and taping the encounters is asking a judge for leniency, claiming that cultural differences in those countries make sex with girls more acceptable.
[H]e had sex with 14- to 17-year-old girls while serving as a consular officer in Brazil and Congo and documenting the encounters in pictures and videos.

Of course, before anyone gets too pissed off, remember that 14**, 15, 16, 17 are all ages of consent in various American states. (Although, it should be pointed out, these laws are mostly designed to protect teenagers who have younger sex partners from prosecution; in other words, in most states, adults over 18 cannot have sex with a person under 18; whereas, for example, a 14 year old guy can have sex with a 17 year old girl in some states and neither one will be charged.)

The trial is postponed while Nachman undergoes a psychiatric evaluation. We doubt a Federal judge is going to go easy on a guy just because "things are different in [his] country." That argument has never worked before, but this is the American justice system we're talking about....

Via News-Observer.

**technically, although in this case it would probably be illegal

Old Woman Arrested For Linking McCain And Bush

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 18:57:00 GMT

Of course, she's not likely a supporter of both (or either), but Carol Kreck certainly hadn't done anything wrong when she reminded Bush supporters at a McCain event that the Senator is in many ways similar to the President.

The elderly lady, who had said nothing and done nothing except wait in line for John McCain's Town Hall (i.e. Preaching To The Choir) was escorted off the premises and ticketed for trespassing, which carries an automatic court date. In the following YouTube video, taped during the incident, she merely wonders why any Republican who supports McCain would be so "offended" by the association. After all, the two politicians support each other and agree on almost all of the same issues, so what's the big deal? (Okay, okay, we know-- McCain doesn't want to "equal" the unpopular President, he just wants to piggyback on the 26% of the country, and mainly conservatives, who still support Bush. Who's to say this woman wasn't a Bush supporter who wanted to remind other Bush supporters that McCain will be just as conservative? Yes, yes, we know that's silly, but not as silly as the police charging her with a crime, right?)

Here's the vid:

Via ThinkProgress

Video of the Day: How Not to Fake a Courtroom Heart Attack

Emily Farris — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 19:07:00 GMT

http://view.break.com/531358 - Watch more free videos

He just looks too good, right? Maybe he should have peed his pants or something.

Judge In Trouble For Bestiality Photos, Lingerie Parties

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 14:01:00 GMT

A judge in Los Angeles, due to hear a major obscenity trial, is in hot water after the contents of his website became public... although no one yet knows how they did...

1) Alex Kozinski is the chief Judge of the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals. In 1996, he had a diary that was recently published, in the wake of the current scandal, on Slate. There isn't much here that he would have to recuse himself over-- unless you consider a lingerie (and pajama) party "obscenity." Looking at the above picture, we're not sure how we feel, mainly because of said party's obvious IQ average.

2) He was about to preside over what will surely become a landmark free speech case.

For jurors to determine whether [Ira] Isaacs' work is obscene, they will view hours of hard-core pornography so degrading that in one film, an actress cries throughout, prosecutors said in court papers.

But if jurors find that any of the four videos at issue in the case have any "literary, scientific or artistic value," the work is not legally obscene, according to a 1973 Supreme Court ruling.

"All they're going to do is turn on a DVD machine and hope the jury is going to be so shocked and disgusted and offended that they're going to throw me in prison," said Isaacs, 57, a native of the Bronx. He said he hopes that jurors will be shocked -- he's a self-described "shock artist" -- but also that they will see artistic value in the work. [LA Times]

3) Kozinski's site, which is now down for good, "included a photo of naked women on all fours painted to look like cows and a video of a half-dressed man cavorting with a sexually aroused farm animal. Some of the material was inappropriate, he conceded, although he defended other sexually explicit content as 'funny.'"

4) The trial was suspended today following the public outcry. He may be removed from the case, although hopefully not.

5) He would've seen this case for what it was-- a disgrace to the Bill of Rights/First Amendment. Lenny Bruce will have died in vain. Henry Miller would have written all those books for nothing. And Bill Burroughs would return from the dead and shoot everyone in a William Tell Trick gone wrong.

To be continued...

Via the LA Times.

Hey, George Bush: This Is The Definition of "Appeaser," You Jackass

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 28 May 2008 16:50:00 GMT

George W. Bush is learning the hard way what the definition of "appeaser" is with all the controversey surrounding a new memoir by his former Press Secretary.

Among the many "startling" "revelations" (i.e. confirmation of the worst fears of anyone who has been paying attention for the last seven years):

Scott McClellan charges that Bush relied on “propaganda” to sell the war and that the [braindead] press corps was too easy on the administration during the run-up to the war. [See what we mean by putting "revelations" in mocking quotes?]

He admits that some of his own assertions from the briefing room podium turned out to be "badly misguided." [Ain't that the understatement of the new century.]

Two top aides held a secret West Wing meeting to get their story straight about the CIA leak case at a time when federal prosecutors were after them — and McClellan was continuing to defend them despite mounting evidence they had not given him all the facts.

Somebody call Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald and get this boy on the witness stand! Let's take down the whole administration while there's still time left to further ruin Bush's legacy.

More from Yahoo! News on the book, which is sure to be forgotten within days by the truth-seekers in the press corps.

R. Kelly is So Screwed

Emily Farris — Fri, 23 May 2008 16:58:00 GMT

A former back-up singer for R. Kelly broke down in the courtroom yesterday after admitting something that will probably get him sent to jail for a long, long time.

Stephanie "Sparkle" Edwards told those in the room that she was the one to introduce Kelly to his, uh, co-star in the now infamous sex tape. And that the girl most certainly was 12 or 13 at the time.

Kelly and the woman believed to be in the tape with him (who is now 23) have both denied making the tape, but like we've mentioned before if the prosecution can prove it's Kelly and the young woman in the tape, he's so screwed (in prison).

Edwards' testimony seems to help the prosecution in a big way, because like she said, "you just know your family."

[Yahoo!: Former backup singer implicates R. Kelly at trial]

[MTV: R. Kelly's Ex-Protege Sparkle Testifies That Girl On Tape Is Her Niece]

R. Kelly Sex Tape: Set to the Tune of the Spice Girls and Backstreet Boys

Emily Farris — Wed, 21 May 2008 15:07:00 GMT

We never saw the R. Kelly sex tape when it made the rounds in 2002, so forgive us if we're a little shocked that it's set to the tune of the Spice Girls and the Backstreet Boys. Maybe focusing on that is our brain's way of blocking out the rest of it.

The jurors sure did see the tape yesterday, though. And they'll probably have to see it a few more times because it appears the only way Kelly is going to get off in this case is if the jury decides it's not him in the tape.

Anyway, for those of you lucky enough to have not witnessed it, here's what a jury of 12 of Kelly's peers were forced to endure yesterday:

The roughly 27-minute homemade video shows a man having sex with a young female, who is naked for most of the recording — except for a necklace with a cross dangling from it.

At the start of the videotape, the man hands the female money and she mouths the words, "Thank you." She is often blank-faced, impassive. The man speaks to the female in a hushed, monotone voice, and she calls him "Daddy."

Songs from the Spice Girls and Backstreet Boys blare from a radio. The female dances — the man out of view. Back in view, he has sex with her. The man walks up to the camera to adjust it a few times, but his face is often obscured.

As she dances, the female urinates on the floor. Near the end of the video, the man urinates on the female.

Okay, the peeing we almost get (almost, we said...but we hope the floor wasn't carpeted!) but the Backstreet Boys and the Spice Girls?

Maybe she really was 13, because when we were around that age we decided that we would someday lose our virginity in a candle-filled room with the Girls' "2 Become 1" playing in our purple CD player. If only it would have been like that and not to our manager at Just For Feet (the world's largest athletic shoe store) in his apartment behind the bowling alley.

[Yahoo!: Sex tape shown to jurors, court in R. Kelly Trial]

We'd Give Our Left Nut for a Seat on R. Kelly's Jury, If We Had Nuts

Emily Farris — Mon, 12 May 2008 15:22:00 GMT

Jury selection began for R. Kelly's child pornography case Friday and continues today, and if we had nuts, we'd give our left one for one of those twelve seats. Maybe Scanner Brian or Scanner Bryan would give Scanner Emily a nut so she could sit on the jury? Guys?

Anyway, Kelly's high profile case is obviously making jury selection tough, and as the wise folks at MTV noted, can there possibly be a group of 12 men and women in Chicago who are impartial enough to give the singer a fair trial?

"You either have to say, 'R. Kelly can never get a fair trial here,' or 'R. Kelly can get a fair trial, given the continuing publicity,' " said California defense attorney Steve Cron. "Because when will you ever not have some publicity? It's never going to go away."

Since Kelly is one of Chicago's favorite sons, it's going to be difficult for either side to find anyone unfamiliar with the case. They'd have to be "living under a rock," said Cron, who defended comedian Paula Poundstone on charges of lewd acts on a minor. What they can hope for, however, is to find potential jurors who have not yet made up their mind. Legal experts agree that there really is no such thing as an impartial jury — that every prospective juror brings to the table his or her own biases. The question then becomes: What kind of jurors would each side want? It's not quite as black-and-white as you might think.

"What makes for good TV is if we say, 'We want black,' 'We want white,' 'We want men,' 'We want women,' " Chicago jury consultant and defense attorney Paul Lisnek said. "And those factors do come into play, but what we have to look at is life experience. That's what's going to influence the way they respond to the evidence in the case, not just whether they are of one race or one religion or another. The bottom line is, cases like this trigger certain underlying issues, deep issues about racial prejudice and underage sexual relations."

What if we looked at this a different way? A jury is supposed to be a panel of "peers," right? So what if the jury was made up of celebrities? Paula Poundstone who's been through this before? Maybe a star who's never been in trouble with the law, like Natalie Portman? Lilo? Jamie Lynn Spears if she was old enough to serve jury duty? To keep it balanced would Nancy Grace have sit in?

If you could choose a celebrity jury for R. Kelly, what 12 stars would you choose?