Scanner : conventions

Super Furry Animals Gather at a London Furry Convention

Colleen Kane — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 16:20:00 GMT

I learned watching Sesame Street that it takes all kinds of people to make the world go around. I also learned watching Sesame Street that sometimes, grownups dress up in animal costumes.

And sometimes grownups with a fetish for dressing in animal costumes all get together at conventions.

Really not sure what's going on in this photo, but some attendees apparently just wear tails. Dabblers in furriness, if you will.

Here's a rather foxy one.

Honestly, this is way weird, but it's just people in full-body costumes, some trying to look sexier than others. Not having seen furry photos before, I had imagined this scene as a little more strange, like, all different color bears dancing around.

Check out more at Bizarre Mag.

Sloppy Seconds: Courtney Love's Bizarre Death Rant

Sexist Sex and the City Ripoff... With A Terrible Twist

Via Boingboing, photos from bizarremag.com

Wil Wheaton's Greatest Hits

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 20:54:00 GMT

Wil Wheaton says, "Don't be a dick!"

Wil Wheaton is in exile. Since going into "exile" on Typepad, he's been blogging his ass off, keeping internet nerds and other trolls relentlessly entertained. God bless him-- he's a charming ol' bastard (yes, child stars do grow up and become "middle aged." Witness the recent, hideous NKOTB reunion tour.) Running through his latest and greatest posts, we've presented a "Wil Wheaton Reader" of sorts:

-"It's funny you should ask," I said. "That's an illusion. You're actually fighting a level 18 Squidzilla."

-From a video he shared on fish deboning: "The wonder boner! My wife would like that."

-Regarding his new audiobook: "How long is it?" You say? "That's what she said!" I reply.

-Regarding the death of Majel Roddenbery, the wife of the creator of Star Trek: Since we got the news yesterday, a lot of people have asked me if I can tell a story as a way to remember her. I've dug around in the attic of my mind for hours, and the best I can do is: We always had fun when we were working on Next Generation, but when Majel was on the set, it was a party.

-On the possible Screen Actors Guild Strike: For the SAG board to even consider voluntarily stopping work when we're falling deeper and deeper into the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression isn't just stupid, it's recklessly irresponsible. SAG needs to face the reality we're stuck with: AFTRA sold us out. AFTRA fucked all actors everywhere by negotiating with the AMPTP on their own and agreeing to shockingly horrible terms. The AFTRA negotiators failed all actors, whether they're currently SAG, currently AFTRA, or are still hoping to join. Those "negotiators" should be ashamed of themselves, and they shouldn't be allowed in the same building as a contract ever again.

-Here's another one we agree with wholeheartedly: When I get stuck on anything, I go for a walk. When I get really stuck, I go for a drive, and then take a walk when I get to wherever I end up. I may not come home with lots of ideas, but I always come home with at least one. I also never know when something's going to strike me, which is why I always carry a little notebook and pen in my pocket when I leave the house. [pause] Man, I want to write a Cthulhu story now.

-"The thing is, my kids aren't especially interested in a serious Battletech fight ("When do we get to fight each other?" "Just as soon as we finish building our Mechs." "But we've been doing that for an hour!" "I know! We have to make sure they're just right ..."), and my wife glazes over every time I try to explain how awesome Illuminati is. ("AHAHAHAA! The FBI took over the Convenience Stores with help from Congressional Wives and Nuclear Power Companies! Hey, where are you going? Well, if you walk away from the table I'm just going to take your money and put it on my power structure. Why do you have your car keys? Honey? Hello?")"

-"You're a clever one, you are." "Not as clever as you think!" The dog said.

-"I do this silly thing on Twitter where I make up conversations with iTunes."

-And finally, regarding Comicons: "We can invade a hotel for a weekend, pretend it's like the cereal convention in Sandman, and recover enough hit points to survive our real lives until the next one."

Ah, real life-- who needs it with these blog posts? By the way, if you like the WWdN: Greatest Hits Collection, you should know that this is only a compendium of the best of December. Check the archives for more goodies...

Via Wil Wheaton's blog.

Against Your Wil (Wheaton)

SuicideGirls.com Lays Off Bloggers, Including Ensign Wesley Crusher

"We Support George McCain For President"

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 16:32:00 GMT

For our last post about the RNC (thank The Lord Jesus That Watches Over Conservatives for that!), we wanted to show you a video that we think summarizes the feelings on the floor of the entire convention. Those feelings, conveniently, can be melted down to one line: some Republicans are staunch in their support of Bush and McCain, while others just wanted America to forget about Junior...

This video is one in which I, Scanner Brian, must, in the interest of full disclosure, admit I was participant (I got Dennis Hastert to say how much he loved Bush and McCain and to take a sticker-- he was by far the nicest GOP power player we met in the Twin Cities.)

We recommend watching it on YouTube in high quality, but it's not important. Anyway, don't miss the ending, in which Senator Norm Coleman is asked what his feelings are on the Bush legacy:

Q: I just want to know how you feel about the last eight years of George Bush.
A: Well, uh... bleheelyelylelyelyylellelelalalelela... [not an exact transcription]

Also, although it's not in this video, the woman who puts the sticker on her forehead was ultimately completely unable to say why she supported Bush (or McCain) and, in fact, called her husband on camera to ask him for her talking points. ("He says we don't believe in wealth redistribution." Genius.)

Via YouTube.

Trojan Girls Try To Get Republicans To Wear, Learn Uses Of Condoms

Politics Is Makin' Everybody S' Crazy!

Our Crazy RNC Photo Essay

Sloppy Seconds: Levi Johnston's New Tattoo

RNC Day Two: Eloquence No Substitution For A Record... Of Temper Tantrums

RNC Day One: Total Anarchy

Trojan Girls Try To Get Republicans To Wear, Learn Uses Of Condoms

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 20:23:00 GMT

Scanner Brian is in Minneapolis-St. Paul this week reporting from the Republican National Convention...

We have to admit our trip to the Trojan Bus near the Excel Center yesterday was not entirely on the up-and-up (no pun intended.)

We heard there were a half dozen hotties flirting with delegates, handing out condoms and buttons, and asking the ladies and gentlemen of the RNC to take some sort of condom test. This, we thought, sounds like Scanner material...

Trojan claims this is not a marketing ploy (you know, buy our condoms and you'll get these hot girls to like you), but rather a booming wake up call about the state of the country's sexual health. Hint: it's in the shitter.

David Johnson, Group Project Manager for Trojan Brand Condoms, says, "The main initiative is to open people's eyes and get them involved in the Evolve cause." The Trojan Evolve Tour plans to visit 60 college campuses in six months. The Trojan Tour Bus will have multimedia stations where students can play games and win the necessary prophylactics for all their sexual needs.College OTR] [

Ah, yes... about those games. What we experienced was basically the Relay Game. If you've read the rules off the sign in the above photo, you've pretty much figured out how that goes, we imagine. If only there was a way to roll a condom over a banana while taking pictures (we never did get the one-hand move down yet-- again, no pun intended), we would have figured it out and presented a full photo essay here. As it is, we think you can use your imagination.

However, here is some visualization, if only of the bus, which has a little ~~peep show booth~~ video booth where students and anyone else off the street can record their own sexual health-related message to America. (Our was going to be something about how it's Wednesday, which means it's Business Time, but we thought better of that...) Note that the story we're referencing in this short and relatively pointless Q&A with the leader of the Trojans is this one.

[Ugh, Vimeo screwed up our video and it's too late to fix it today. We'll update tonight. Here's the basic rundown: we try to get the Trojan Girl to say anything about Republicans or Democrats, but she rightly avoids our dumb questions and sticks to the subject. In any case, we will say this: we're glad a very dedicated group of people of any age are spreading a positive message about condoms. As one of the girls told a delegate as we walked back to the RNC, "One and four New Yorkers has herpes." The numbers, you should know, are almost as bad everywhere else as well...]

UPDATE: Here we go...

Trojan Girl Explains Her Presence At The RNC from Brian Fairbanks on Vimeo.

Follow the tour via Facebook and read more at the Trojan website. By the way, can someone please explain the logic behind the bus "evolution" drawings?

While You Were Sleeping: Dancing With The B-Listers

Those Who Can, Do; Those Who Can't, Teach Porn Techniques...

Sloppy Seconds: Carmen Electra's Stripping Tips

Summer Camp is So Gay!

Obama and McCain Condoms: F**cking Silly

RNC Day Three: Sarah Palin Makes Dick Cheney Look Like Al Gore

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 16:52:00 GMT

Last night, we were sitting in the press section at the Excel Center in Minneapolis, wondering if the woman sleeping next to us had been flopped out in that chair since the night before. A woman with a large cup of coffee greeted us while jerking her head up and down. On stage, a droning religious figure mumbled through some sort of sermon. The general vibe on the floor was, "How soon will this be over?"

That all changed when Sarah Palin took the stage. All of a sudden, the arena was jam-packed: the concession area cleared out, the press stopped answering their cell phones, and the crowd was on its feet more often than not. To say Palin was well-received was like saying Hillary Clinton would've been only lightly toasted at the stake. Okay, that sounds harsh, but it was clear that there's a new #1 female American political figure on the scene and that, no matter what happens in this election, Sarah Palin will not soon be forgotten.

With her relentless attack on Barack Obama, Palin proved she has the anger and determination necessary to offset attacks on her ethics, family problems, inexperience, and radically conservative positions. The mood at the RNC went from fear that this was the beginning of the end to "how will Barack-Biden top this?!"

We ran into Ron Paul outside. He said he doesn't know which candidate he'll back... but definitely not McCain.

Palin's triumph was not so much one of oratory or intelligence or originality, but rather of carefully-calculated political maneuverings masquerading as a speech. Kudos to Palin for her many devastating one-lingers. Kudos to her for realizing the soccer mom angle is going to play very well, and playing it up to the max.

McCain could clearly be seen to be glowing with vindication as he took the stage. (He had to come out a night early-- after all, Obama did the surprise appearance thing last week and McCain has never been one to allow a preemptive one-upping.) His advisers were downplaying our expectations for the speech tonight, although that's utter nonsense: John McCain can real knock a public appearance out of the park if he has a script.

And, after hearing Palin's fiery words, we're pretty sure McCain's is going to be packing a wallop...

All photos by the author.

Related:

RNC Day Two: Eloquence No Substitution For A Record... Of Temper Tantrums

RNC Day One: Total Anarchy

Our Crazy RNC Photo Essay

Against Our Better Judgment, We're Reporting From The RNC This Week...

What'll Happen To Sarah Palin?

Real or Fake: Nude Sarah Palin Photo?

EXCLUSIVE: McCain-Palin Internal Talking Points Memo Leaked To Scanner

Palin's Grandbaby Daddy: Self-Proclaimed F*cking Redneck

We're Glad Levi Johnston Took This Opportunity To Start a College Fund for Baby

RNC Day Two: Eloquence No Substitution For A Record... Of Temper Tantrums

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 16:22:00 GMT

Scanner Brian is in Minneapolis this week for the Republican National Convention...

Day Two at the RNC was, for the most part, a much more subdued affair, even more so than the shortened Monday night. The reason you aren't hearing about as much violence or as many protest marches is, according to one activist lawyer, because the city is stalling the court procedures against those already in jail.

"They only went through two cases, both misdemeanors, in the several hours I was [at the courthouse.] Bail was... $750. They're going to drag this thing out..." In other words, the city is going to quell the violence by keeping the violent protesters-- and anyone else picked up in march-related sweeps, such as a woman who had been pushing a stroller-- out of the public eye.

Meanwhile, Republicans increasingly found themselves on the defensive as Joe Lieberman rescued what was becoming a rapidly disappointing convention...

First, George Bush spoke via video link. A rumor going around the convention had said he would actually make a surprise in-person appearance, but that was never the plan-- as one McCain campaign worker told us, "we wanted to keep the President as far from McCain as possible." It didn't work-- most of the news in the paper today is about Bush's speech and how supportive the two are of each other, even after the bitter 2000 primary campaign.

Bush's speech, as expected, continued his longstanding practice of using 9/11 as a political weapon:

"We live in a dangerous world," Mr Bush told delegates in Minnesota.

"And we need a President who understands the lessons of September 11, 2001: that to protect America, we must stay on the offence (sic), stop attacks before they happen, and not wait to be hit again.

"The man we need is John McCain."

Of course, Bush's certainty about McCain's "readiness" for office, as he calls it, completely contradicts his campaign's position eight years ago, during which the current President attack the Arizona Senator for being too much of a loose cannon for the highest office in the land. (A former POW agrees... watch the video here.)

Lieberman's speech, meanwhile, was well received by both delegates and a media looking for a story other than a negative one about Sarah Palin:

He called Obama "a gifted and eloquent young man" with a promising future. "But eloquence is no substitute for a record - not in these tough times," Lieberman said. He pitched a special appeal for McCain votes to independents and Democrats, saying his is "the real ticket for change this year."

"I'm here, as a Democrat myself, to tell you: Don't be fooled," Lieberman said.

While Lieberman has angered Democratic leaders, they haven't been able to do anything about it.

Lieberman, who describes himself as an Independent Democrat, endorsed McCain for president on Dec. 17, 2007, when his friend was struggling for a comeback in the campaign for the Republican nomination. McCain called it "a courageous act."

At the time, Lieberman was asked whether he was concerned about Democratic punishment for his defection to the GOP candidate. "I'm the 51st vote," he said, smiling. [Seattle Times]

We saw the poor guy take a coffin out of the back of this vehicle and carry it in two different marches. We were very disturbed by this-- not necessarily in the wrong way, though.

Meanwhile, at nearby Mears Park, the Poor People's Economic Human Rights Campaign rallied peacefully (and even quietly), serving up free vegan lunch buffets, hosting live radio interviews with homeless residents of Minneapolis, and generally trying to take it easy after the unrest that was Monday.

While we were standing at the edge of the park, getting ready to head to the convention, and just before the PPEHRC march was to begin, we were suddenly surrounded by riot cops (i.e. "stormtroopers), all of whom were wielding batons and racing around us at top speed. A young man of perhaps 18 to 2 years was opening his backpack when the cops swooped in; as he looked up, a trooper lunged forward and shoved him hard. The man's head appeared to hit a large rock along the bank of the brook as he went down, hard. Before we could rush to his aid, we were almost instantly surrounded by hundreds of protesters, all of whom began chanting: "The whole world is watching!" Cameras came out and everyone tried to get a good look at the injured kid. It was too late-- there were far too many people...

We'll leave you on a positive note... Rage Against the Machine was not permitted to play their surprise concert during Monday's rally... so they took matters into their own hands...

[We can't yet embed the YouTube video because their site is down, but here's the link. Keep trying, they'll be online soon.]

What'll Happen To Sarah Palin?

Against Our Better Judgment, We're Reporting From The RNC This Week...

Real or Fake: Nude Sarah Palin Photo?

RNC Day One: Total Anarchy

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 15:21:00 GMT

We'll be embedded most of this week with the Lobbyists For McCain, who claim to be the real power behind ~~George Bush's~~ John McCain's campaign. Of course, it's a satirical group of people that don't support McCain and think lobbyists-- and money-- have too much influence in our government. They are technically nonpartisan.

While thousands of protesters either stabbed cops, broke windows, or more likely walked peacefully, the L4M mainly stood off to the sidelines and kept everybody laughing and generally calming the atmosphere made all the more tense by the presence of Darth Vader dudes with batons...

At first, almost everyone got the point-- it's clearly a joke (see above sign)... then, the Democrats-- the scary, scary ones who have megaphones and think if you scream chants, interesting or not, you will somehow change minds-- got wind of what the Lobbyists For McCain were up to. At that point, the anti-RNC march we were "counterprotesting" had made a loop in front of the Convention Center and headed back toward the Capitol area. At this point, as far as we know, few arrests had been made. (We just heard, at 1:17am Minnesota time Tuesday, that more than 200 arrests have been made, mainly cases of anarchists breaking things and allegedly attacking cops.)

Among the highlights:

-getting screamed at by smelly-- and by that mean that we could actually smell them and it was painful-- anarchists who didn't get the joke... and even when they were informed it was satirical, they continued to scream

-the older woman who shouted: "Why don't you get a decent job?"

-doing a song and dance in front of the literally-crumbling ice sculpture of democracy

-the huge piles of unused counter-protest posters made by the pro-war people

-standing above the parade in a skywalk and the silent reactions (middle fingers, applause, laughs) to the Lobbyists For McCain posters ("Four More Years!") from the thousands passing below

-we had set up in front of a group of totally silent pro-war Republicans with identical posters and were holding our signs (including "Don't Change Horsemen Mid-Apocalypse") up among theirs to make it appear as if we were in agreement with them. A woman affiliated with one of the anti-war march's organizing groups got right in front of us and tried to yell over us. When she said, "Yes, we can" we shouted, "No, you can't" right over her. Finally, as it became clear to us that she was the only person who remained clueless about the real point of Lobbyists For McCain, with the Republicans literally patting us on the back and the protesters laughing as they went by, we finally walked up directly behind her and started chanting:

"You don't get it... you don't get it... you don't get it..." to the applause and cheers of the crowd until she finally went away...

Among the lowlights:

-Toby Keith played the State Fair, which had nothing to do with why the Fair kind of sucked.

There were political people out by the tens of thousands... one guy called me a "cocksucker" for "deceiving him" by claiming the L4M are McCain "supporters." Meanwhile, the guy running the McCain booth, which we were "coincidentally" standing in front of, raced out of into the walkway to shout, "Hey, you're infringing on my right to free speech!"

Of course, this was hilarious since we were a good eight to ten feet into the pedestrian walkway in front of his booth. Johnny: "Yeah, meanwhile a hundred thousand people are getting sealed up in protest pens and you're worried about your booth." "Yeah, yeah, yeah."

There are sure to be more ridiculous stories from today's (Tuesday's) events, especially with the RNC presumably moving into full swing.

Lobbyists For McCain Take On The Minnesota State Fair.

Meanwhile, the real lobbyists were ignoring the hurricane and partying it up, supposedly off the radar, with the band Hookers and Blow. Classy!

Related:

Against Our Better Judgment, We're Reporting From The RNC This Week

Top photo by Mike McGregor. Others via Flickr.

What'll Happen To Sarah Palin?

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 14:02:00 GMT

This is nothing against Sarah Palin-- after all, all GOP candidates are a little bit frightening, a little bit awesome in their determination and genuine will to make the world a better place-- but is she doomed?

No one here in Minneapolis is even talking about the convention. Every conversation at every restaurant in town is centered around one question: what's going to happen to Governor Palin, what with all these rumors and controversies that are swirling around her...

First, there was this e-mail, which we received from reader profrobert on Friday, alerting us to the possibility that Palin's fifth daughter, born less than five months ago, is not hers.

But what would be even more incredible is if it's NOT true: http://www.ktuu.com/global/story.asp?s=8194634

This means her water broke in Texas. She hung around to give a 30-minute speech. She then went to the airport and GOT ON A PLANE. TO ALASKA. I don't know where she was in Texas, but DFW-ANC non-stop is a seven-hour flight.

He makes a great point: who is this person who has her water break and then waits around not only to give a speech but for a plane to take her across most of the entire fucking continent. Her husband claims that a) they just wanted the baby to be 100% Alaskan and b) that his daughter's five month or so absence from school was the result of a bad case of mono. Suuuuuuure it was...

So, of course, the liberal blogosphere goes batshit over the story but no mainstream media outlet wants anything to do with it. Gustav sweeps Palin off the front pages, then the RNC delay further buries the rumors. Meanwhile, Palin is at a rally where she doesn't address the rumors but causes another stir by saying:

“Then we have our daughter Bristol, she’s on the bus with the newborn, and then we have our daughter Willow, who is here, and our youngest daughter Piper,” Ms. Palin said as she introduced her family. “On that bus we have our son, Trig, who is a beautiful baby boy we welcomed into the world just in April..."

Of course, Palin's phrasing would've been completely normal under any other circumstances. But conspiracy theorists flipped again, saying Palin wasn't even saying the words "her" and "baby" one after the other, implying that perhaps Palin is setting herself up to eventually confess to lying. Meanwhile, photos showing that Palin had no baby bump during her pregnancy were all deleted from the Governor's official websites. (We are trying our best to stay out of this, but must add that we defy anyone to locate photos of Palin in the nine months leading up to April 2008 in which she appears pregnant. As soon as an un-Photoshopped photo comes our way, we'll believe her version of the events.)

Then, the bigger story: Palin announces the same daughter is currently five month's pregnant, thus ruling out the possibility of Bristol having already given birth just a few months ago. And while we believe this, again, it doesn't rule out the possibility that Palin is lying: after all, no one is going to ask her to prove conception date. For all we know, she's really only a few months pregnant and that, by the time the baby's born, it will be too late for anyone to stop Palin from becoming Vice President because of the lie. (Side note: Bristol's boyfriend is a self-proclaimed "redneck" who says on his MySpace profile that he doesn't want kids. Wonderful.)

Meanwhile, the Troopergate story (as winking bloggers are referring to it), the mere mention of which earned us a drubbing from her supporters in a previous post, has knocked the pregnancy story off the front pages, albeit for a fairly innocus reason: Palin just now hired a lawyer to defend her in the two-month old investigation. Hmmm....

In any case, the liberal HuffPo has realized Palin is a weak spot on the ticket (we've heard that from numerous fence sitters among the Minneapolis public.) Here's what their front page looked like in the wee hours of this morning:

... TOP GOP GOVERNOR: I'VE HEARD NO DISCUSSION ABOUT REMOVING MS. PALIN FROM THE TICKET ...

'Fringe' Alaskan Secessionist Party: Palin Was A Member... Almost Recalled As Mayor... Directed Fundraising For Indicted Senator's 527... Troopergate Scandal... Calls Iraq A War For Oil... Admits She Hasn't 'Really Focused On Iraq'... Alaska National Guard General: Palin Plays No Role In National Defense... 17 Year-Old Daughter Pregnant...

Also, did you guys hear the Fox News commentator and others pick up the talking point that Palin has "national security experience" because Alaska is "so close to" Russia? What? That's like saying Scanner Nicole and I have foreign policy experience because we're located near Denmark.

All this adds up to one thing: Palin, as a VP candidate, is in trouble. The rumors we're hearing from reliable GOP sources center on two possibilities: 1) Palin may drop out, citing family commitments, and time this withdrawal so that McCain's second choice will be accepted without question by GOP leadership, for fear of losing the election if they don't immediately unite or 2) Palin will continue to cause McCain problems to the point where he will drop Palin himself, but in favor of a female candidate or even Joe Lieberman.

While both seem highly unlikely events, either of them is much less far-fetched now than they were even 24 hours ago...

We'll have more on this story during the next two days of convention coverage...

EXCLUSIVE: McCain-Palin Internal Talking Points Memo Leaked To Scanner

Scanner Roundtable: What Did We Think About The DNC & Obama's Speech?

RNC Day One: Total Anarchy

Against Our Better Judgment, We're Reporting From The RNC This Week...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 01 Sep 2008 15:09:00 GMT

10:41am: With Hurricane Gustav threatening the Gulf Coast, and New Orleans likely to escape a second major disaster, we're here in Minneapolis, where the Republicans are debating the best way to neutralize reminders of Katrina.

Today is a day off, thanks to Gustav (which some are calling "The Revenge of New Orleans," as in "on the Republicans") while driving through the community colleges looking for bags of cocaine and fat young boys...

Here are some of the rumors we've heard so far from senior McCain staffers, journalists, and local prostitutes:

-Local police raided a house where a few dozen anarchists were holed up, scuttling their terroristic plans to throw urine on delegates and "injure police officers." Seriously. Does anyone actually think this nonsense is going to hold up in court?

-Because there's nothing going on at the convention tonight (everything's canceled out of respect to the possible victims of Gustav), secret underground parties are springing up all over the city. Meanwhile, protesters are not taking a day off, even for Labor Day. They'll be passing by the convention en masse around 1pm Minneapolis time...

-Tomorrow we'll be attending: The Future Leaders Of The GOP Amtrak Train Drinking Party, Sponsored By Patron (you think we're kidding-- this is a real event) and Financial Football: A Day With The Minnesota Viking's Rookie Of The Year Running Back. Shoot us now, please...

We'll be updating this post throughout the day... rumors, lies, and insults always welcome at scanner@nerve.com and check back here for more at http://dailyscanner.com.

Scanner Roundtable: What Did We Think About The DNC & Obama's Speech?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 20:01:00 GMT

According to the Huffington Post, Nielsen says that, in addition to the 80,000 people who saw the speech in person, 38 million people watched Obama the nomination last night on television, "more... than watched the Olympics opening ceremony in Beijing, the final American Idol or the Academy Awards this year."

Well, John McCain's nap could beat the Academy Awards any day, but the real question is: what did we think of the speech?

Early reports are glowing-- at least from the media. But they don't know a damn thing about the public, as evidenced by every story about the election up until Iowa, their wrong guesses on what Obama would say last night, etc. etc.

If you're like us and think the Democratic leadership is generally made up of whimps who have to play nice with a guy who doesn't play nice back, check out this relatively amusing (although pretty thin) John McCain Honorable Attack Generator.

Image via Code Pink.

Barack Obama Takes It to the Hole in a Pair of Very Short Shorts

Into The Wild: The Last of the Democratic Delegates

Classy Hillary Clinton Nominates Obama To The Tearful Strains Of Her Supporters' Hand Claps

While You Were Sleeping: All The Harry Potter Kids Are Getting Naked

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 13:42:00 GMT

Wonderful: right as Michael Lohan is tearing his daughter's life apart, his father dies. Maybe Michael will reassess his values now that the guy had to go out right in the middle of an embarrassingly public family dispute.

We missed out on Michael Phelps giving swimming lessons at the Y.

Is David Duchovny having an affair of just trying to promote his show, Californication, with this latest shocking report?

David Duchovny has entered a rehabilitation facility for sex addiction. [His reps] declined to elaborate further.
Duchovny plays a sex-obsessed character on the Showtime series...

In Other News:

John McCain will announce his VP today in a bad to take Obama down a notch after last night's historic speech.

Talk about historic: a man proposed to his lady at Mile High, right as Al Gore took the stage-- and Wonkette was sitting right behind them!

BREAKING: The RNC is considering delaying the start of the convention because of Hurricane Gustav... they don't want a reminder of Katrina hanging over their convention... Scott McClellan thinks this will allow Bush to blow off the convention unnoticed, since he is a political liability anyway... read more at the Washington Post.

By the way, this is the greatest post you'll read all day. Even if you don't agree with its politics, you'll certainly (we hope) agree that sicko religious zealots should be laughed out of stadiums everywhere:

Y'all remember the AP report of a "short video produced by Focus on the Family Action shows a man with an umbrella talking about his wish for rain as he stands in front of Invesco Field [before Obama spoke there]. The man in the video explains his desire for rain by saying he's against abortion and gay marriage and says he's "just an ordinary guy" who's looking for people to pray for rain?"

And y'all remember how hurricane Katrina was supposed to be God's punishment for New Orleans sinful ways?

So what will y'all think if next week's Republican Convention (yawn) is eclipsed by landfall in the US of not one but two hurricanes?

Y'all think there's a lesson in there somewhere? [End of post - Ed.]

A school district near Atlanta lost its accreditation, the first such case in 40 years, mainly for ethics violations by board members.

And Rupert Grint, who plays Ron Weasley in the Harry Potsmoker movies, is doing his first stripping/naked/sex scene-- or something like that. He's "stripping off for"

his first sex scene for Cherry Bomb and is excited about the flick.
'I loved the script,' he tells The Metro. 'It was quite a challenge.'

Getting naked is nothing, Rupert. Hell, Daniel Radcliffe does that every night. (PS: Hmmm... Cherry Bomb, you say? How can we be sure it's not some Virgin Teens Dot Com movie or something?)

Image via AOL.

Related:

Daniel Radcliff Is Not So Fond of Pants

Lily Allen and Kids From "Harry Potter" Form Youngest, Most Adorablest Love Triangle Ever!

Scully Wants Mulder To Die Masturbating in "X-Files 3"

Mick Jagger: "Performing is Like Sex"

Does Michael Phelps' New Girlfriend Wear Fins or Stilettos?

Michael Phelps Dresses... Up?

Who Would You Rather: Keeley Hazell or Sara Boberg?

Sloppy Seconds: Demi Moore And Her Boob Squirt

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 21:04:00 GMT

Strip clubs in Denver are reporting a decline in business... just since the DNC began.

Why is anyone surprised Axl Rose doesn't bother with pickup lines? If we were him, we wouldn't either... although, um, we probably still wouldn't put it quite like he did.

Scariest headline of the day, via CNN: Airline removes life vests to lighten load

Sheryl Crow, Stevie Wonder and "i.am" John Legend join obvious choice will.i.am to close out tonight's convention.

We barely even remember hearing about this movie, and now it's getting a sequel?

Your boyhood idols: where are they now?

Just in case, Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty has canceled his weekend interviews.

Kimora Lee Simmons denies she's pregnant. Meaning someone reportedly cared enough to print that she may have been.

Do you believe this story:

Madonna's brother Christopher Ciccone has accused Demi Moore of deliberately squirting breast milk at his gay friends.

We don't.

Related:

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Sloppy Seconds: Could We Possibly Love Steve Carell Any More?

The Life-Saving Power of Breasts

Add Denver To The List Of "Places That Scare Us"

Nude Bicyclists Protest... Global Warming?

Hot or Not: Jodie Marsh's Boobs?

Into The Wild: The Last of the Democratic Delegates

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 18:49:00 GMT

This post was written by Sean Flanagan, who is filling in this week...

Finally, after what feels like months of mud slinging back and forth, followed by weeks of uncertainty, Hillary Clinton last night released her diehard delegates into the wild...

Hillary Clinton, who once was the party's dream candidate, has lately been accused of being the kid on the playground that keeps trying a little too hard to be popular and then getting aggressive when they don't come out on top. But luckily, she triumphantly swept aside all that nasty pigeonholing and came out on top at the end of her '08 story.

"The story is that we are working as a team" - Berman

As promised, former President Clinton appeared Wednesday night, suddenly and strongly endorsing Obama as a man "ready for the job."

Though ever charming, Homeslice Bill could hardly get a word in edgewise over the constant cheers and cat calls. The delegates, Democratic wives and husbands, and platoons of Obama supporters fluttered around the convention like it was the last show of a great rock band.

Let's hope that's not the case... after all, there's always 2016. As for Obama/Biden '08, they leave unanswered questions in their wake:

1) Can Obama charge forward to deal with his own baggage?
2) Can Joe Biden make any more awkward references to Georgia? Hopefully, Obama won't hand him the microphone tonight.

Think of it this way - President Barack Obama is the living embodiment of the work, accomplishment and dreams of all of the great African-American men we still celebrate today: MLK, Malcom X, Frederick Douglas. If Barack Obama goes on to win, will he become our greatest black American?

Some great moments in time to consider:

MLK JR.'s Speech
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PbUtL_0vAJk

Sidney Poitier in Guess Whose Coming to Dinner
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opuEwG0jCPA

Tracy Morgan Out Crazies Britney Spears
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2whjt_C_bP

NOTE: Opinions of our guest bloggers do not necessarily reflect the opinions of other Scanner bloggers, Nerve, or the world at large.

Related:

Freaky FAA Tapes Reveal Obama's Plane Nearly Crashed On July 7th

While You Were Sleeping: Colin Powell To Endorse?

Classy Hillary Clinton Nominates Obama To The Tearful Strains Of Her Supporters' Hand Claps

Hillary Clinton Strikes Back... Or Plays Nice... Tonight At The DNC

Scanner Roundtable: Who's Your VP?

While You Were Sleeping: Dancing With The B-Listers

Classy Hillary Clinton Nominates Obama To The Tearful Strains Of Her Supporters' Hand Claps

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 16:18:00 GMT

Madame Secretary... I move that the Convention suspend the rules...

With these words, a collective chill went up through the nation, especially those one or two million of us who care enough about the country to have seen it live. Meanwhile, the yakking heads at NBC couldn't shut up for two seconds to allow us to hear all of Nancy Pelosi's speech-- thankfully, some of us knew to watch PBS, where Walter Mondale weighed in immediately afterward and reminded us why 1984 was so much like "1984." Or something.

Anyway, the Democrats, with the possible exception of Joe Biden, who lost us about halfway through and then jarred us awake again with his clumsy wrapup, gave us something to remember last night with Beau (Joe, Jr.) Biden's introductory speech, Obama's surprise appearance on stage (it will be his only time inside the convention hall), and even John Kerry's where-was-this-guy-four-year's-ago fiery attack.

We'd like to know what you thought about last night and what you expect to see tonight, based on the following schedule:

7:00PM EDT
Rep. John Lewis, GA introduces Martin Luther King Tribute Video and Martin Luther King III

8:00PM EDT
Musical Performance [is this when will.i.am goes on? - Ed.}

9:55PM EDT
Sen. Dick Durbin, IL introduces Obama’s Video

10:00PM EDT
Obama Video
Obama Acceptance Speech (35 -40 minutes)
Fireworks
Barack, Michelle, VP, Mrs. VP all at podium

Related:

Hillary Clinton Strikes Back... Or Plays Nice... Tonight At The DNC

While You Were Sleeping: The New American Idol Judge

Freaky FAA Tapes Reveal Obama's Plane Nearly Crashed On July 7th

While You Were Sleeping: Colin Powell To Endorse?

GOP Senate Candidate's Son In Hot Water For Racist Facebook Profile

Hillary Clinton Strikes Back... Or Plays Nice... Tonight At The DNC

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 20:01:00 GMT

Hillary Clinton's return to the spotlight this evening will be met with the biggest cheers of the convention at least, one should expect, until Obama's speech on Thursday night...

Below, the full schedule for tonight's "show," plus: did the Dems blow it last night?

7:00PM EDT Economy – “Policy that got us where we are.”
Gov. Kathleen Sebelius, KS, convention co-chair, “GROWING THE ECONOMY”
Gov. Janet Napolitano, AZ, convention co-chair, “GROWING THE ECONOMY”

Gov. Ted Strickland (D) OH. “BUSH FAILED POLICIES”
Gov. Ed Rendell (D) PA. “BUSH FAILED POLICIES”

Gov. Deval Patrick (D) MA. “OBAMA’S ECONOMIC POLICIES”
Sen. Bob Casey Jr., PA. “OBAMA’S ECONOMIC POLICIES”

Gov. Brian Schweitzer (D) MT. “OBAMA ENERGY POLICY.”
Federico Pena, Fmr Energy Sec. “OBAMA ENERGY POLICY.”

8:00PM EDT
Women of the Senate
Sen. Chris Dodd, CT

9:00PM EDT
Al Gore
Libby Ledbetter

10:00PMEDT
Fmr. Gov. Mark Warner, VA. Keynote address
Senator Clinton Video
Clinton introduces her mother
Sen. Hillary Clinton, NY. “Headline Prime Time speaker”
Possible Obama remote live into convention

We're hoping they put Hillary on at a more reasonable time than indicated above (wouldn't it be better if by "Prime Time," they actually meant "we're going up against House reruns and another worthless America's Got Talent half-hour at 8 or 9pm") and that she hits McCain hard. Not on age, not on the Bush stuff, but on the shit that will stick: houses, the continued Republican incompetence on Iraq, the economy, Katrina, and on and on...

Hillary is out best hope to hammer away at McCain's surge (pun intended) in the polls, since, as it became very clear last night, the most aggressive politicking will have to wait until the RNC, where speakers are sure not to whimp out. (Ted Kennedy almost hit Bush on Iraq, but his words were something like "Obama will not try to bring our troops into a pointless war" instead of "John McCain wants another hundred years in Iraq-- this guy wouldn't know a failure if he was playing first base for the '86 Red Sox!" Or... um... whatever.)

Let us know what you thought of the DNC's opening night and what you hope to see tonight and beyond...

Related:

DNC Kicks Off Tonight With Ghosts Of Party Past

Who Would You Rather: House vs. McDreamy

If The Election Were Today... Round Two

The Wit and Wisdom of John McCain

Hillary Dresses Up As Stewardess, World Blocks Out Image

DNC Kicks Off Tonight With Ghosts Of Party Past

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 20:00:00 GMT

Headlining tonight? Michelle Obama...

Really lined up to steal the show? The Re-Animated Figure And Imitated Voice Of Ted Kennedy...

According to CNBC, this is tonight's lineup:

5:00PM EDT

Rules, Credentials and Platform to be finished by 7PM EDT

7:00PM EDT
Biographical Messages on Senator Barack Obama

8:00PM EDT
Speaker Nancy Pelosi (Journey for Change)
President Jimmy Carter
Senator Claire McCaskill
Mayor John Hickenlooper, Denver
Maya Soetoro-Ng Mya (Obama’s sister)

9:00 PM EDT
Senator Ted Kennedy Tribute - Video
Caroline Kennedy

10:00PM EDT
Republican for Obama
Craig Robinson introduces his sister Michelle Obama
Obama remote live into Convention

What do you think? Will all this help Obama at all? Emphasizing Nancy Pelosi and the Ultra-Liberal Stalwart Kennedy's?

More here.

If The Election Were Today... Round Two

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 13:59:00 GMT

What is it about the Democrats that they don't learn from their history, and so, in 2008, appear doomed to repeat it?

According to Real Clear Politics and Politico, the electoral map has made what is potentially a seismic shift... to the right:

Let's assume for a second that they're wrong to give the exact-tie vote in Nevada to McCain and give it to Obama: that means the race is a mere 5-electoral votes apart, with McCain in the lead. Going into the Vice Presidential rundown and the conventions over the next two weeks, this is very bad news for Obama. He would need to have such a huge and, seeing that it's so late in the season, impossible bounce from his football-stadium acceptance speech to offset the following week's acceptance speech and post-convention bounce for McCain.

Or he could stop acting like John Kerry and Al Gore and go on the attack. He's started to, calling Bush "McCain's President" in a couple of recent speeches-- but that's old news to voters. If he went on the air and said, over and over, "McCain is unfit to lead-- he doesn't know the difference between Sunni and Shiite, he isn't sure what he wants to do about illegal immigration, etc. etc." and just pound McCain on the same things (experience and so forth) that McCain is hitting him on, Obama might just squeak by.

Otherwise... see above chart.

Via Politico.

Related:

If The Election Were Today... Round One

Republican To Steal Election For Obama By Running Against Him

Can We Ask? Might John McCain Be Section 8?

Video of the Day: McCain's Running Mate?

Sloppy Seconds: Hillary Clinton Nominated For President?

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 20:51:00 GMT

Would someone please make one of these for us and send it by mail to Scanner, New York, NY? Of course, you'll need to get us a nano, too...

Natalie Wood's longtime lover planned, at one point, to murder Warren Beatty. The world doesn't know how close it came to losing Bulworth.

The decision by America's Next Top Model to feature a transgender contestant has been met with praise from at least one group: GLAAD.

Rejoice, travelers: Gay sex is now A-OK with Panama!

Meghan McCain just wet her pants: the Hills spinoff is taking on D.C.

Christian Bale will not be charged with any hitting or not hitting of any family members.

And Hillary Clinton will be nominated at this month's Democratic National Convention. Symbolically, of course-- or so they promise us. Who wants odds that somebody's going to take this gimme and pull a coup?

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: Update On The Christian Bale Story

McCain Blogette: Hot or Not?

What Do We Think About Britain's Missing Top Model?

Who Would You Rather: Elizabeth Berkley or Tyra Banks?

The Top 5 Hollywood Players Who Did Porn

While You Were Sleeping: Colin Powell To Endorse?

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 13:19:00 GMT

Last night, Colin Powell denied he will endorse Barack Obama and speak at the Democratic National Convention.

Assuming he's not just stalling so an official announcement is given at a more effective time, one has to wonder what Fox News, which broke the "story," had intended. Are they trying to hurt Obama by bringing him up just to put him down? Is Powell really going to endorse McCain and, therefore, pulling the rug out from Obama will make Colin's vote more devastating?

Weekly Standard editor Bill Kristol told FOX News exclusively on Wednesday: “He may well give a speech at the Democratic convention explaining his endorsement of Obama.” Kristol, a FOX News contributor [cited] inside sources.

“This is not an absolute done deal, but these people are very confident that Powell will endorse Obama,” Kristol said, adding that he thinks Powell, a Republican, still has “a high respect” for John McCain, Obama’s Republican rival.
“I do not have time to waste on Bill Kristol’s musings,” Powell told ABC News. “I am not going to the convention. I have made this clear.” An endorsement by Powell could go a long way to attracting moderates and wayward Republicans to the presumptive Democratic presidential candidate. [Especially "terrorism and security voters. - Ed.]

How times have changed-- in Ohio in 2004, Democratic districts saw 10-hour long lines while Republicans waited an average of only a few minutes to vote; now, with Democrats controlling much of the government again:

Ohio has created a window in the election calendar that would allow residents instant gratification — register one minute, vote the next. It's also given the campaigns of Democrat Barack Obama and Republican John McCain a chance to bank thousands of first-time voters during that Sept. 30 to Oct. 6 window.

The move will benefit Obama, who enjoys a 2-to-1 lead over McCain among 18- to 34-year-olds, according to a Washington Post-ABC News poll released last month. If Obama's campaign were able to tap into college campuses with one-stop voting, it would add thousands of votes to his tally...

Can this "glitch" and a Powell endorsement help put Obama over the top? Perhaps not, but McCain can't be happy with either...

Via FoxNews and Yahoo!

Video of the Day: Triumph the Insult Comic Dog at Comic-Con

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 13:20:00 GMT

Comic Con has fallen into exactly the same trap as Sundance: a festival that was formerly to celebrate one, somewhat holy, cultish thing. At Sundance, it was the independent film roster, shown by their makers and a skeleton crew from the cast and production. At Comic Con, it used to be the fans meeting their heroes and that was that.

Now, they've both turned into little more than corporate mega-productions, advertising the next year's slate of garbage.

Thankfully, we have Triump the Insult Comic Dog to save us. Although he can often be a mean little bastard (or, shall we say, Robert Smigel can be a mean little bastard), Triumph is always worth checking out. Apparently, NBC.com has the full video of the speech seen towards the end of this clip. Let us know if you think it's worth watching-- we're too lazy to get around to it right now...

Related:

Conan O'Brien's Priest Stalker A Lot Creepier Than the Horny Manatee

Conan O'Brien: Funny "Ha Ha" or Funny "Please Stop"?

Funniest, Most Cringe-Worthy Video of the Day

Call Us When They Get To She-Hulk!

We Saw The Dark Knight In A Cavernous Movie Theater, During The Dead Of Night

Unfunny Hipster Who Couldn't Get Through "Weekend Update" Competently To Replace Conan O'F*cking Brien

Bill Clinton To Obama: Kiss My Ass

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 14:00:00 GMT

Will Democratic disunity fade away or continue through Election Day, November 4th?

Bill Clinton, the sexiest, angriest President alive, allegedly told one of his advisors that...

Obama could "kiss my ass" in return for his support.

Whether he said those exact words or not is beside the point. Democrats have got to be worried about Clinton's silence following his wife's opponent's win-- without Clinton's full-fledged support, particularly during the convention, Obama will have an even harder road ahead than he already has. And with Bill Clinton's well-disclosed temper, he's not likely to easily accept defeat, put on a gracious smile, and give 100% to the campaign.

The Telegraph has learned that the former president's rage is still so great that even loyal allies are shocked by his patronising attitude to Mr Obama, and believe that he risks damaging his own reputation by his intransigence.

To be continued on that... but meanwhile, many voters are still upset with Hillary's loss and have taken to blogs and other sites to attack Obama. We always welcome deserved barbs that sting any politician, but we haven't seen anything out there that sticks-- for example, most remarks we saw were attacking the DNC for the Florida debacle, which made no difference in Obama's eventual victory anyway, not attacks on specific issues or comments Obama has made.

What is it about Obama that Clinton supporters who have gone to McCain (or are now uncommitted) don't like?

Via Telegraph.

Scanner Highs And Lows: Hookers, Hot Moms, and Hoedowns

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 21:20:00 GMT

If that title doesn't bring back memories, then maybe you missed out on some of this week's highlights:

Low: There were celebrity hooker moms.

High: There were jello wrestling students pimping themselves for a mere 250 pounds in prize money.

High: We got down with the hoedown on Dancing With the Star Wars.

High: The hooker who charged a Senator's husband $150 was found guilty of trespassing. We still aren't sure why.

Low: The teen pregnancy craze claimed 17 promiscuous high schoolers, all in the name of unity.

High: A topless member of an upcoming parade is a tart for the cause of toplessness.

High: Rich pimps make us laugh. Or maybe they're just flashy dressing rich people.

Uncertain: Scanner Emily hates herself for loving... the coochie lamp.

Low: The Bunny Ranch faced off with the Bush economy.

Low: Please tell us you didn't snatch up the last Teen Hooker Outfit for your daughter.

Uncertain: Hookers in Ghana rioted at an 11 year old boy's funeral. Apparently, this kid watched "Goodfellas" too many times and wanted to be in with the crooks.

Low: Fox News spreads the (true) rumor that child prostitution will increase during the (surprise?) Democratic convention.

High: And Mary-Louise Parker is so hot and so kickass, we almost faint at this picture of the world's #1 MILF.

What Obama And McCain Can Learn From 1884

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 19:30:00 GMT

The Presidential election of 1884 was a huge turning point in American politics. Among its many highlights: the vaulting of Grover Cleveland to the White House, the first Democrat to assume that position since before the Civil War.

Most importantly, there are several eerie parallels between '84 and '08 (2008, that is) that should make Obama, McCain, and even Clinton stop to think...

At the beginning of the 1884 campaign cycle (which was mercifully shorter and without primaries back then), President Chester Arthur (remember him?) was looking to coast to an easy re-election victory. After all, he was a Republican President in an era of Lincoln worship. But, as the Republican National Convention approached in June of that year, another Republican leaped onto the national scene. His name was James G. Blaine and he had the support of delegates from major "swing states" like Pennsylvania and even Southern states the party never, ever won.

The problem was, Blaine's past and experience had been questioned and the faint whiff of scandal followed him throughout the campaign. At the convention, Congressman William McKinley from Ohio tried to keep order, while New York State Assemblyman Theodore Roosevelt waged an insurgent campaign on behalf of independent-minded Senator Edmunds of Vermont.

At the convention, Roosevelt's bitter battle nearly fractured the party-- one delegate commented he'd been at the birth and now the death of the Republican Party. In the end, James G. Blaine defeated the sitting President for the nomination-- something attempted disastrously in modern times by Reagan ('76) and Ted Kennedy ('80.) In this case, as in those, the Party ended up losing the Presidential election.

But here's where it gets interesting:

The Democrats chose relative longshot New York Governor Grover Cleveland to head their ticket. Immediately, Roosevelt and other Republican stalwarts spread the (true) rumor that Cleveland had father a child out of wedlock with a widow. (Cleveland was a bachelor at the time and married a 21-year old in the White House.) Miraculously, this curse did not work, particularly since Cleveland's campaign merely shrugged at the charges and moved on.

Meanwhile, Blaine was digging his political grave. A true October surprise-- on October 29th, exactly one week prior to the election, Blaine was in New York for a campaign event. According to historian Edmund Morris:

"[A] garrulous Presbyterian minister, with Blaine standing at his side, publicly accused the Democratic party of representing 'rum, Romanism, and rebellion.' The candidate, who was only half-listening, did not react... and therefore seemed to condone it. [The phrase was reported to] Cleveland headquarters, just one block away.
Within hours, it had been telegraphed to every Democratic newspaper in the country. Headlines and handbills amplified the insult a millionfold. Overnight, Blaine's support among anti-prohibitionists, Catholics, and Southerners shrank away...
Grover Cleveland became the nation's first Democratic President in a quarter of a century..."

If you haven't figured it out already, reverse the Party affiliations and you have the 2008 Presidential campaign, from one perspective, up until now. But there's more to it than that:

Meanwhile, future President Teddy Roosevelt was thinking beyond that year's election... to the next one. Despite being a staunch supporter of the reform candidate and a very vocal hater of all that his party's nominee stood for, nonetheless, Roosevelt campaigned for him. In the short run, he disgraced his good name among the press and members of his own party who had backed the Senator from Vermont. But Roosevelt was one shrewd young dude:

He did not realize his luck, but a Republican victory might have destroyed his chances of ever becoming President. The grateful Blaine would have offered him a government post... Roosevelt [would be] associated with the corrupt Old Guard...

...while, had he had backed the Democrat who ended up winning, he would have been resented by his own Party. In other words

a Republican defeat was the best thing that could have happened to Roosevelt in 1884.

Just 17 years later, Teddy would become the youngest-ever President of the United States. Hillary Clinton could learn a lot from her history book... and so could John McCain, if he plays his cards right... after all, all Obama haters still talk about is a controversial Christian pastor who insulted their patriotism and beliefs...

To be continued...

Hillary: Did She Or Didn't She?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 15:15:00 GMT

It seemed obvious to us that Hillary Clinton's endorsement of Barack Obama on Saturday was fairly solid and from the heart. Others are not at all convinced and smell trouble ahead...

Commenters on Digg and other blogs do not trust Hillary Clinton and so can never take her word at face value. Just because she dropped out, they say, doesn't mean she's given up. She suspended but did not terminate her campaign, which means she keeps her pledged delegates and takes them to the convention-- and she can still accept donations. Rumors are flying that Hillary (or even McCain) may have dirt on Obama and may bring it out just before the Denver coronation, hoping to derail Obama's nomination or at least throw the convention into chaos. McCain's motivation there would be obvious (he'd have a better chance of winning if the Democrats are in disarray), while Clinton's less so: could she use her supporters to make him look weak and thus throw the nomination her way or will she merely bargain with them for the VP shot?

We'll be mulling this question between now and then... because there probably won't be anything interesting until the August showdown...

Hillary Clinton To End Campaign, Endorse Obama On Saturday

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 13:46:00 GMT

With the campaign unofficially over for months, and officially over this past Tuesday night, Hillary Clinton will nonetheless wait till Saturday to formally endorse Barack Obama, the Democratic nominee. Even Charlie Rangel, one of Clinton's most powerful black supporters, acknowledged the Senator should have been "far more generous" toward Obama in her speech and probably should have endorsed then and there.

From Hillary's e-mail this morning:

Saturday, I will hold an event in Washington D.C. to thank everyone who has supported my campaign. I will extend my congratulations to Senator Obama and my support for his candidacy. This has been a long and hard-fought campaign, but as I have always said, my differences with Senator Obama are small compared to the differences we have with Senator McCain and the Republicans.

Um... many would dispute the truth in that last sentence, Madame Senator.

The Washington Post and other media outlets are already speculating on the meaning of this wait-till-the-weekend strategy.

Advisers indicated earlier Tuesday that the former first lady would publicly acknowledge in her speech that Obama had crossed the delegate threshold. But she changed her mind and refused to do so even after television networks and The Associated Press declared the Illinois senator had sealed the nomination.

And:

Angling for a vice presidential nod, Hillary Rodham Clinton refused to bow out of the Democratic race Tuesday, hoping to maintain leverage as Barack Obama clinched the delegates needed to secure the party's nomination.

In other words, she's holding the party's chances in November hostage in order to bolster her case for the VP shot. However, sources tell us that Obama's inner circle wants nothing to do with this kind of selfishness and is willing to risk alienating her hardcore supporters by not nominating Clinton for the job.

Of course, that doesn't mean they won't cave if Clinton and her fans keep the pressure up...

Via CNN and The Washington Post.

Previously: Top 10 Moments in the Career of Hillary Clinton.

FBI Agents Out To Get Democrats

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 27 May 2008 20:10:00 GMT

When we worked with Billionaires For Bush, the grassroots media campaign that pretended to support our favorite Appointee, we often heard card-game speculation on which of our members secretly worked for the FBI. No one was sure that anyone was working for the FBI, but not too long ago, our suspicions turned out to be true-- documents revealed that the NYPD and other authority figures had infiltrated our ranks to determine if we were up to any good, er, up to any terror-related activities for the Republican National Convention or any other anti-GOP activities.

Of course, the question this always raised was: why were those not supporting the President more likely to do something violent than the nutjob warmongers furious at the anti-war Democratic convention?

Now, it turns out, those questions will be raised again this year, as the FBI is attempting to infiltrate, to our eternal amusement, "vegan potlucks."

“She told me that I had the perfect ‘look,’” recalls Carroll. “And that I had the perfect personality—they kept saying I was friendly and personable—for what they were looking for.”

What they were looking for, Carroll says, was an informant—someone to show up at “vegan potlucks” throughout the Twin Cities and rub shoulders with RNC protesters, schmoozing his way into their inner circles, then reporting back to the FBI’s Joint Terrorism Task Force, a partnership between multiple federal agencies and state and local law enforcement. The effort’s primary mission, according to the Minneapolis division’s website, is to “investigate terrorist acts carried out by groups or organizations which fall within the definition of terrorist groups as set forth in the current United States Attorney General Guidelines.”

Carroll would be compensated for his efforts, but only if his involvement yielded an arrest. No exact dollar figure was offered.