Scanner : connecticut

Sloppy Seconds: Stripper Fight

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 22:21:00 GMT

According to Jezebel, the love letter is dead but the breakup e-mail is strong with this generation.

Michelle Rodriguez from Lost flipped out at a wedding-- if you believe this nonsense story.

But what happens when the pants come off? Push-up underwear for men isn't expected to go over big with Croatian women.

The Craigslist Killer may have murdered to help cover his gambling debts. Dumbasses-- don't gamble what you don't have in your bank account or you'll end up like this guy.

If you have a sword and dress like a ninja and are attempting to commit robberies, a dry cleaner is probably low on your list of priorities.

While wife Amy suffered burns on her leg due to... um... "a cooking accident," Blake Fielder-Civil has demanded his lover allow him to take a paternity test.

A woman who works for Fox61 in Connecticut was arrested twice in three hours in the same neighborhood and by the same officer, both times for driving drunk.

The Seinfeld adult film spoof is real... and features the Porn Nazi.

And a 52-year-old stripper, enjoying her first day on the job, was stabbed in the eye by a jealous co-worker.

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: Because Breast Milk is Cheaper Than Cow's Milk?

Sloppy Seconds: Elisha Cuthbert Survives Harrowing Hit-And-Run

Jesus Died For Somebody's Sins, But Not Mine

We Finally Figured Out Why Marilyn Manson Dumped Dita Von Teese...

It's Like Reefer Madness But With Dogs

Shirt of the Day: The New America

Emily Farris — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 22:19:00 GMT

VIA THE MODERN MATERIALIST: Come on America, only 46 more states to go for us to join the progressive ranks of Vermont, Iowa, Connecticut, and Massachusetts in legalizing gay marriage.

This shirt is available as anything (t-shirt, hoodie, mousepad, button, etc.) through Wordboner's store. T-shirts range between $22 and $27, depending on the type of shirt you want (heather, heavyweight, American Apparel, etc.).

[Wordboner]

Related: Things Gay People Like, The Gayness of it All

College Sex Magazines Making Their Way Through Connecticut, Too

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 14:45:00 GMT

Wesleyan University-- notable for its beautiful campus, inspiring teaching staff, and carefully-cultivated crop of the generation's next leaders-- is about to be known mainly for having a sexy sex magazine filled with nude students and tips on buying condoms, among other "controversies."

The Hartford Courant looked at Unlocked's contents and came away with this impression:

Unlocked features photographs of naked and partly clothed Wesleyan students, campus sex polls, tutorials, articles, interviews with sex workers and counselors, and guides to condoms and sex shops.

Wesleyan students and faculty members have strained and broken sexual barriers before, with a course on pornography, student-hosted "moaning" sessions, a "gender blind" dormitory and a "queer prom," among other initiatives. [Courant.com]

We've located an original ad, which really makes us want to check this out. They seem to actually, honestly want "all shapes and sizes" (unlike Craig's List ads, which claim to want that, but end up only choosing too-skinny female models.)

WE WANT YOU
Thats right folks, Unlocked (the Wesleyan Sex magazine) is looking for models. We're looking for every possible gender, body type and sexual expression. Photo shoots may be explicitly sexual, rabidly political, or just fun and hilarious. Do it alone. Do it with a friend. Do it with a fuck buddy. Do it with your future partner for life. All you need is a sense of humor and a willingness to do something a little wild, and if you're not comfortable with what we propose, you can tell us to go fuck off.

If you're interested, email unlockedmag@gmail and yes, you can be totally anonymous if you'd like. [Wesleying]

Ben Kuller and Yannick Bindert, both of next year's graduating class, thought Wesleyan was "due for a good dose of artistic sexual expression in the print format." Hear, hear.

Their next issue will be out sometime this spring and we'll try to obtain a full-color copy. Via The Hartford Courant.

Rice University's Sex Magazine A Slap in the Face to Houston Elite

Heading to College? Hope It's Not to One of These Educational Wastelands

Expose The Cover Up-- This Saturday At The National Go Topless Day

Today in the Apocalypse: 17-Year-Old MADD Volunteer Hosts Quiet Gathering...

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 17:52:00 GMT

Katie Rees, Miss Nevada USA 2007, who was stripped of her crown following this and other "scandalous photos"

Let me tell you something about Hartford, Connecticut, the city, I, Scanner Brian was born in.

Actually, better yet, let's not tell you anything about Hartford, Connecticut, because it would just be a waste of space after you read this story. Anything I tell you about Hartford will be brutally shoved aside after you read about one 17-year-old Miss Connecticut Outstanding Teen, a volunteer with Mothers Against Drunk Dumbasses, decided to do with her Saturday night when her parents went out of town.

If you think it's entertain little orphan boys with stories from award-winning children's authors, well...

Rachael Ramonas competed in the Miss America's Outstanding Teen competition in Florida this past summer, returning home without the ultimate title. Perhaps she was disappointed by her defeat and decided that, instead of continuing to volunteer with MADD, she would stop being an Outstanding Teen the minute her parents left her goody-two-shoes self at home for the weekend.

On Saturday night, cops arrested two dozen underage drinkers at the home of Miss Ramonas. Reports indicate that most of the kids were beyond wasted-- although, since Ramonas is a juvenile, cops can't say whether she was one of them, or even if she was arrested at all. According to this source:

Officers responding to an anonymous call about underage drinking Saturday night found beer, rum and items commonly used for a drinking game called beer pong. [AP News]

Luckily, no one was arrested for DWI's, so there's at least that bit of sanity... although we doubt she could've kept an eye on all 24-plus peeps who had vehicles to make sure they didn't further embarrass her or reveal some sort of "hypocrisy."

Related:

Today in the Apocalypse: A 14-Year-Old Girl Did... What?!

This Drummer Will Be Your Cabana Boy...If the Price is Right

Drunk Teenagers Have No Respect For the Dead, Other Drunk People

The Crazy Chimp Lady Plot Thickens

Colleen Kane — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 18:00:00 GMT

Yesterday we covered the sad tale of the chimp going "bananas" on a lady's face. Turns out the woman who owned the attacking chimp is bananas as well. (Who knew?)

Sandra Herold claimed she loved the now-departed pet chimpanzee Travis like a son, but friends claim their relationship might have been more like that of lovers, and now another woman has come forward claiming Travis attacked her years ago.

Regarding the previous unprovoked attack, Leslie Mostel-Paul says she tried shaking Travis' hand, when the chimp tried pulling her through a car window into the car and bit her hand.

And regarding the nature of the pet/owner relationship, The New York Post reports that in addition to Sandra and Travis sharing filet mignon, lobster tails, and wine, "They bathed and slept together. He tenderly brushed her hair. She gave him gifts and sweet kisses. He drew her pictures."

Sandra lost her daughter years ago and then her husband, so the Post speculates that Travis was a replacement, and even if they weren't "intimate intimate," they were intimate, Sandra's unnamed intimates intimated.

And cue a protest by PETA in 3, 2, 1...

Chimp Escapes From Cage, Beats Zookeeper With Tranquillizer Gun

The Tragic Tale of a Pet Chimp Going Apesh?t

Colleen Kane — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 18:23:00 GMT

This story is unbelieveably gory and depressing, and sounds like it was made up by teenage boys. Want to hear it? Here it goes!

A woman in North Stamford, Connecticut called 911 on Monday and told the operator her chimpanzee had torn her friend's face off.

"Please hurry up, he's killing my girlfriend," pleaded 70-year-old Sandra Herold, who asked for police to come shoot her chimp. Her friend was 55-year-old Charla Nash, and Sandra told the operator, "He ripped her face off."

Herlold had stabbed her 200-pound chimp, Travis, with a butcher knife and hit him with a shovel in trying to get him away from Nash, then waited outside until the police came.

Here's how Travis met his end (it's too depressing to paraphrase):

"The chimp returned and tried to get into a police car. The officer shot him several times at 2-foot range, and all of the shots hit the animal's upper torso, Larrabee said. One of its teeth was found near the car.

The wounded chimp fled, and police followed a blood trail to the rear of the house, where the animal had returned to its living quarters and died." (More really sad details here.)

All right then! Who wants lunch?

Related:

Monkey, Could You Get Us a Beer?

Woman Convicted For the Old "Smuggling a Monkey in Pregnant Belly" Routine

Can This Love Monkey Get Any F*cking Cuter?

While You Were Sleeping: Khloe Kardashian Looks Weird Naked

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 14:09:00 GMT

The Golden Globe Award nominations will be announced today. We'll have that story for you as soon as we can get it together.

There's trouble at Miss Porter's School, alma matter of Jackie O and Gloria Vanderbilt, site of some of this Scanner blogger's most notorious teenage escapades. Let's hope everything gets cleared up real nice... so not-so-nice boys can continue to bother females there for years to come.

Ugly Betty added a new, annoying celebrity to add to its roster...

Former The O.C. star Mischa Barton looks set to be returning to TV screens - the actress is reportedly in talks to join the cast of Ugly Betty.

Our favorite excerpt of the morning:

The question of penis size
UW Badger Herald - Madison,WI,USA
In lots of anatomy textbooks, the vagina is portrayed as a gaping black abyss, but in real life, the vaginal opening looks more like a fold of tissue...

Will Ferrells' Bush mockery revue will play HBO.

Best Picture of the Year? According to the NY critics, it's Milk.

And Khloe Kardashian's bizarre appearance in a PETA ad has nothing to do with how her body looks-- that hair is just freaking us out.

Related:

Top 5 Nude Scenes of 2008

University of Wisconsin Disappears Into A Haze Of Substance Abuse And Good Times!

We Won't Milk "Milk" For Its Every Pun, Promise...

When '2 Become 1' Becomes 25 Cents, or How I Didn't Lose My Virginity to the Music of the Spice Girls

How The World Watches Porn Now

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 19:14:00 GMT

Elmhurst, Illinois, you perverts!

Today, we were alerted to Internet Pornography Statistics, a website devoted to compiling mildly outdated info on how the world searches for porn.

Among its most interesting revelations: China makes billions more on porn than the United States does...

1) China made $27.41 billion from porn in 2006, while the United States made $13.33 billion. (The US still beats the Chinese in the per capita category by 17 billion dollars.)

2) These figures are striking:

Every second - $3,075.64 is being spent on pornography

Every second - 28,258 internet users are viewing pornography [only 28K?!]

Every second - 372 Internet users are typing adult search terms into search engines

Every 39 minutes: a new pornographic video is being created in the United States

...especially the part about every 39 minutes. Obviously, this doesn't include sex tapes, which are created every 14 minutes by celebrities.

3) The American city with the most searches for "porn": Elmhurst, IL, followed by Stockton, CA and Meriden, CT.

4) The top search phrase in the porn category was the word "sex." Surprisingly, "adult dating" was second and "porn" a distant third, with a 3% drop from 2005. We wonder what's #1 now? "Kim Kardashian ass," perhaps?

5) More females searched for the terms "Adult dating," "teen sex," and "free sex" than guys did. "Adult dating" and "adult sex" seem to be the search terms females use the most and the percentage of women in each category (18-24, 50+, etc.) spread almost evenly across the spectrum.

6) Guys and girls agree on a few things: the search terms "XXX," "Group sex," "Sex ads," "Sexy," and "Sex chat" were used almost evenly among men and women. There is some hope for us after all...

Read the rest here, via Internet Filter Review.

Related:

Today It's Porn Vs. Halloween For Kevin Smith

Olga Kurylenko: "My Treasure Trove of Topless Photos Don't Count As Porn" [nsfw]

NYU Class Teaches You How To Have Sex

Groupie Shocked To Find Out Pop Music Douche Used Her For Her Body

Sex Shop Etiquette... From A $9-An-Hour Sex Shop Employee

Democratic State Senator Busted For Stuffing Her Bra

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 18:11:00 GMT

Not this kind of bra stuffing...

She was an advocate for gay marriage and greater civil rights for black people, but Massachusetts State Senator Dianne Wilkerson automatically sucks now for making us all look bad for even being part of the same cause.

For Wilkerson is accused of stuffing her bra-- literally-- full of thousands of dollars in cash... and that's not even counting what they found in her purse...

According to several local news outlets, Wilkerson took several grand in bribes from a shady dude looking to expedite (or least get) a liquor license. Wilkerson saw in this man a cause as noble as her own civil rights issues (okay, we're kidding here) and called in some favors... or at least put her muscle into a few key people at the state level.

When she was busted, the Democratic State Senator was found with a whopping six grand in her purse-- or, as Paris Hilton calls it, "my penny purse." Her lawyer dismissed this by saying the cash "was for expenses."

Apparently, it was for a down payment on the Sarah Palin wardrobe plan. By the way, in addition to being caught on hidden cameras stuffing a an undercover agent's bribe in her bra, Wilkerson

faces charges of attempted extortion and theft of honest services as a state senator, stemming from a money-for-legislation sting operation, officials said.

A federal criminal complaint alleges that Wilkerson was busted for accepting eight bribes, totaling $23,500, in exchange for her influence on Beacon Hill.

Wilkerson also allegedly used one $1,000 bribe to treat herself to a night of gambling and dining at Foxwoods Resort Casino in Connecticut.

We're tempted to make a joke about a thousand bucks not even getting you a buy-in on a game of craps at Foxwoods, but everyone will see that coming...

Via the Boston Herald.

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: The Evangelical Sex Craze

McCain May Have Committed Vehicular Manslaughter in 1964

While You Were Sleeping: The Facebook Firing

While You Were Sleeping: Watch Karl Rove Fight Off A Bunch of Hippies

If You Can't Stand the Heat... You Might Die

Woman Busted For Videotaping Her Underage Sex Crime

While You Were Sleeping: Watch Karl Rove Fight Off A Bunch of Hippies

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 14:35:00 GMT

Richard Branson and his kids set off from New York at 2 a.m. in an attempt to break the transatlantic speed record by arriving in England in under six days.

What is up with these cop impersonators lately? First, there was the fake cop who pulled over a guy who turned out to be his neighbor, who called the real police on him. Now, in our hometown of Hartford, Connecticut, a couple of phonies pulled over-- you called it-- an actual cop.

A decision was reached in the Britney Spears driving trial...

A mistrial was declared Tuesday in Britney Spears’s misdemeanor trial for driving without a license. The jury was deadlocked 10-2 in favor of the singer’s innocence, the foreman said in open court. “The jury is hopelessly deadlocked, and I declare this a mistrial,” stated Judge James A. Steele. The jury had deliberated for three days... [CelebSpin]

Wait, how the hell could someone actually be innocent of driving without a license? The record shows she didn't have a license, everyone admits she was driving during the time she didn't have a license, and then she goes to trial for it. Someone needs to explain this justice system of ours...

Check out this bizarre incident in which a nutjob hippie lady from San Francisco fails in an attempt to arrest Karl Rove for treason.

Meanwhile, Tina Fey says the trick to playing GOP favorite Sarah Palin is that she glues her ears down. Fey's own, that is...

Related:

Crush of the Week: Adele

Kristen Wiig May Never Get Her Chance to Play Sarah Palin

"Vote in the Box" Not Nearly as Funny as "D*ck in a Box" But Still Warms Our Hearts

The Sarah Palin Porno... Revealed

Sloppy Seconds: Tina Fey's $6M Book Deal

This Week in Gayness: Ellen vs. the Bigots

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 16:21:00 GMT

Nutjob of the Century anti-gay activist Janet Porter actually believes Barack Obama will name Bill Ayers to the Department of Homeland Security and that his wife Michelle will read about the Weather Underground to schoolchildren. Do you think these people actually believe these complete exaggerations and lies or are they just trying to win at any cost?

In troubled times, the homeless suffer the most. In George Bush's America, the gay homeless suffer the most.

The internets wish there was more to this story of Gwyneth Paltrow agreeing to "help" Madonna get over Guy Ritchie...

A decade ago this headline would have been a lot hotter: Gwyneth Paltrow says she's "helping" Madonna get over Guy Ritchie. [Fark]

The New York Times thinks the Connecticut gay marriage fight will come down a fight at the constitutional level.

And you just knew Ellen Degeneres and Portia De Rossi would make a video to fight Proposition 8.

Related:

Video of the Day: Vote No on Prop 8

Sex Shop Etiquette... From A $9-An-Hour Sex Shop Employee

Gay Marriage: God Is Gonna Getcha... Claim Scary Freaks

What Does this 93-Year-Old-Man Love So Much About Old-People Sex?

This Week In Gayness: Fauxmosexuals Ruining It For Everyone Else

Gay Marriage: God Is Gonna Getcha... Claim Scary Freaks

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 15:40:00 GMT

Since I, Scanner Brian, originally hail from the Connecticut farm country, I have been watching with great interest as the rural rednecks, the city bigots, and the pro-gay holdouts react to the decision last week to allow homosexual marriages in the state...

Suffice it to say, so far, the victors have received no free ride...

From the Hartford Courant, which, in the interest of full disclosure, I wrote for from 1996 to 1999, here are two letters to the editor:

The state Supreme Court decision recognizing same-sex marriage in Connecticut [Page 1, Oct. 11, "Free To Wed"] is above all a victory for religious freedom.

Finally, the United Church of Christ, Unitarian, Episcopalian and other churches and religions that perform marriages for gay, lesbian and bisexual couples have the dignity, freedom and equality they deserve.

The government never should have been in the marriage business in the first place. This ruling puts marriage back where it belongs. Now each church can decide for itself!

Sara Ferah, Hartford

Two days in a row we have this front-page splash on the passage of gay marriage and all the elation and celebration. Do not forget, however, that this will not have a happy ending.

God is the creator of happy endings and he will have the last word, not the judges or politicians. When he acts, and that day is coming very quickly, it will make 9/11 and the economic crisis look like a walk in the park.

We, as a nation, have turned away from him and trampled on his commandments for too long.

Helen Ryan, Enfield

There is so much funny here that we won't even bother, but we do have to ask: when are these religious yahoos going to get it? People have been saying for thousands of years that "that day is coming very quickly" and that "the end is near" and yada yada yada... and nothing has come of it. Time to get with reality, folks.

(P.S.: Lee Bolin of the LGBT Caucus responds with kind of a cheap shot: [A hypothetical third letter: Dear Helen: I thought I'd be neighborly and let you know that some drunk has hacked into your e-mail account and is sending out crazy stuff in your name. -- LB])

Image via Flickr. Letters via the Courant.

Related:

This Week In Gayness: Fauxmosexuals Ruining It For Everyone Else

Gay Marriage is Good for the Economy, Stupid

Breaking: Connecticut Overturns Gay Marriage Ban

This Week In Gayness: Fauxmosexuals Ruining It For Everyone Else

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 13:49:00 GMT

There were millions of people at Rio de Janeiro's gay parade this week.

The Pin-Up Girls do burlesque for the LGBT crowd. We just want to know their tour dates and that is all:

[The Girls embrace] all different types of women. Girl on girl action, these girls make a big splash in the LGBT community. In other words, after a performance, there is not a dry seat in the house. [Lez Get Real]

The Connecticut Supreme Court's decision to legalize gay marriage pointed out the absurdity of gay marriage opponents arguing against the institution of marriage:

The majority opinion summarized their argument this way: "[T]hey asserted that the plaintiffs had failed to demonstrate that they have suffered any harm as a result of the statutory bar against same sex marriage because, under the civil union law, gay persons are entitled to all of the rights that married couples enjoy." Logic like this puts gay marriage opponents in the odd position of devaluing the institution of marriage. Marriage, they end up arguing, is nothing so special that it can't be replicated by a parallel institution--in this case, civil unions. Yet the entire point of creating civil unions is to preserve what is allegedly special about the institution of marriage. There is a pretty blatant contradiction here. [The New Republic]

Gawker wants to know if "fauxmosexuals" are ruining it for gay people? We don't have an answer for them, although we were glad to see someone else point out that Katy Perry stole her song from Jill Sobule's "I Kissed A Girl."

It's important to remember that, even after our victories in the courts, the scum are meanwhile redoubling their efforts. According to a variety of sources, "family"/morals groups have claimed victory in their boycott over the supposedly "pro-gay" McDonald's.

Keep up the good fight...

MyZombiePinup: Get Ready For Halloween '09

This Week In Gayness: Gay Leader Assassinated

This Week In Gayness: Discriminated By McDonald's

While You Were Sleeping: Oh, Jeebus... Guess Who's Pregnant Again?

This Week In Gayness: The Saxon Warrior Lovers

Breaking: Connecticut Overturns Gay Marriage Ban

Emily Farris — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 16:35:00 GMT

As of today, gay New Yorkers need only travel via the Metro North should they want to get hitched.

From the NYT/AP:

Connecticut's Supreme Court ruled Friday that same-sex couples have the right to marry, making the state the third behind Massachusetts and California to legalize such unions.
The divided court ruled 4-3 that gay and lesbian couples cannot be denied the freedom to marry under the state constitution, and Connecticut's civil unions law does not provide those couples with the same rights as heterosexual couples.
"I can't believe it. We're thrilled, we're absolutely overjoyed. We're finally going to be able, after 33 years, to get married," said Janet Peck of Colchester, who was a plaintiff with her partner, Carole Conklin.
Connecticut will join Massachusetts and California as the only state to allow same-sex couples to marry.
"Interpreting our state constitutional provisions in accordance with firmly established equal protection principles leads inevitably to the conclusion that gay persons are entitled to marry the otherwise qualified same sex partner of their choice," Justice Richard N. Palmer wrote in the majority opinion that overturned a lower court finding.
"To decide otherwise would require us to apply one set of constitutional principles to gay persons and another to all others," Palmer wrote.
Gov. M. Jodi Rell said Friday that she disagreed, but will not fight the ruling.
"The Supreme Court has spoken," Rell said in a statement. "I do not believe their voice reflects the majority of the people of Connecticut. However, I am also firmly convinced that attempts to reverse this decision -- either legislatively or by amending the state Constitution -- will not meet with success."
The lawsuit was brought in 2004 after eight same-sex couples were denied marriage licenses and sued, saying their constitutional rights to equal protection and due process were violated.
They said the state's marriage law, if applied only to heterosexual couples, denied them of the financial, social and emotional benefits of marriage.
Peck said that as soon as the decision was announced, the couple started crying and hugging while juggling excited phone calls from her brother and other friends and family.
"We've always dreamed of being married," she said. "Even though we were lesbians and didn't know if that would ever come true, we always dreamed of it."

Related:

Video of the Day: That's So Gay PSA

Breaking: Same-Sex Marriage Now Legal in California

Gay Marriage is Good for the Economy, Stupid

New York to Follow California in Legalizing Gay Marriage?

[Image]

Creepy Online Predators Learning From Perverted Teens

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 13:31:00 GMT

It seems child porn lovers have learned a new trick from the teenage nude picture message craze.

New York prosecutors say a man posing online as a teenage boy induced underage girls to send him nude pictures of themselves and one girl's 9-year-old sister and threatened to show the images to one girl's parents if she didn't send him more.
Philip Hawthorne was awaiting arraignment Thursday on charges including use of a child in a sexual performance. Queens prosecutors say they don't know if he has a lawyer.
Prosecutors say the 27-year-old propositioned two girls ages 13 and 14 over the last eight months.
They say he moved from his mother's house in Queens to his father's in Norwich, Conn., in May after investigators started asking questions. He was arrested July 2 in Norwich.
Hawthorne's mother won't comment. His father has no listed telephone number.

Looks like Mama's Boy upset Mama, Mama kicked his ass out... and maybe should've cooperated with investigators before another couple of kids got hurt. But that's American parenting for you (of course, if you're a parent, I'm sure you're not allowing your grown sons to molest children or anything like that... right?)

By the way, this whole "using a child in a sexual performance" thing? Does that mean if a pervert even thinks about a child to get off, they are guilty of a crime? Okay, we're not serious, but that wording sounds a little too Big Brother to us.

Via the News-Times.

12 Year Old Girl Arrested For Distributing Nude Photo

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 14:00:00 GMT

A twelve-year-old girl in Westport, CT, which is one of the richest towns in the country, was busted for possession of child pornography. Well, not specifically for child pornography... but technically, the photo of her classmate she had been sending around is illegal child porn, but that's not what the cops nabbed her for...

The investigation began on May 12 when the incident was reported to Westport police after word circulated throughout Coleytown Middle School that a nude snapshot was taken during a video chat and distributed to others.

The authorities, as usual, are skirting the First Amendment by charging her under "disturbing the peace," must as they used the same argument for busting vagrants in the Olden Days. We have a feeling that this is not going to last as a criminal case (if this is a rich family, as we can suspect, given her location, they may get a decent attorney who can get the case thrown out, no?), though, if it's the pictured student who helped launch the investigation, this may turn into an ugly civil suit.

Although, of course, we're pretty sure whoever had their picture taken either a) consented to it or b) may actually not have cared and that it was parents who alerted the police without his/her agreeing to it or c) didn't consent to have his/her image saved and is learning a valuable lesson about internet privacy, end of story.

The girl is being referred to Juvenile Court in Norwalk on a charge of second-degree breach of peace, which involves the distribution of offensive and indecent material.
“In light of how sensitive this case is for all the families involved, I don’t feel it’s appropriate to comment at this time,” said Mark Sherman, an attorney for the girl.

The arrest comes amid growing worries among parents about teenagers snapping naked pictures of themselves on their cell phones and sending them to their boyfriends and girlfriends. Many of the pictures are falling into the wrong hands or being posted on the Internet, leading to criminal charges.

Via The Norwich Bulletin.

Today in the Apocalypse: Hartford Hit And Run

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 20:30:00 GMT

We aren't kidding when we say this will mess with your head.

Has anyone ever seen The Death of Mr. Lazarescu? It's an amazing, very, very dark "comedy" about a man who is ill and tries to seek medical treatment, only to be delayed, denied, and dead by the end of the film. (If anyone thinks we're giving away anything, they obviously did not read the name of the film carefully.)

This police surveillance video depicts what is clearly one of the craziest examples of (in)humanity ever documented in the YouTube era and a real-life Lazarescu moment...

After a seventy-eight-year-old man was hit by one of two street racers driving erratically on the wrong side of the road.

Pedestrians gawk but do nothing. One driver stops briefly but then pulls back into traffic. A man on a scooter slowly circles the victim before zipping away.
The victim, Angel Arce Torres, was in critical condition in Hartford Hospital. Authorities say he is paralyzed.

See the three-minute video, which ends with the police finally responding to the scene... by coincidence only, having been on another call...

Via WTIC and Hartford Police.

Connecticut Teens Busted For Classroom BJ

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 19 May 2008 16:52:00 GMT

Two teenagers in "Hard Hittin'" New Britain, CT, are facing disciplinary action (and at least one or two embarrassing parental lectures) and their teacher is suspended without pay following shocking revelations that an eighth-grade girl went down on her classmate. In class.

The fun-loving thirteen- or fourteen-year-olds

were in a classroom with other students and a substitute teacher Monday when the incident occurred. Another student recorded the incident with a phone camera. [The Hartford Courant]

Did you catch that? "And a substitute teacher"? Unless we're talking 30-kid classrooms-- and with the state of public schools, we could be-- we're not sure how the sub missed this? You think she's/he's an 80-year-old blind bat/geezer who never received/gave oral sex in their lifetime? Craziness.

Of course, we hate to think of the other possibility: the teacher knew all along and either ogled the couple or, possibly even worse, pretended to continue with the lecture while storing away the images for later pedophilia-inspired masturbation.

The highlight for us, however, is this gem:

Annette Velez has a daughter who attends Pulaski but was not in the classroom where the incident took place. Velez declined to identify her daughter, but said her daughter's knowledge of the incident prompted her to ask for the first time about oral sex.

Great for her daughter, lady. Her fellow classmates, who are no doubt able to identify her based on her mother's name, are now well-aware she doesn't know anything about oral sex. When we were thirteen-- shit, when we were nine-- we got snickered at for not knowing what "cunnilingus" was... although we sure as hell knew what a fucking blow job entailed...

Via The Hartford Courant.

Photo via Medical Images.

Another Intern Scandal: Will New York Never Learn From Bill Clinton's Mistakes?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 16:00:00 GMT

We're blogging from the wilderness in Connecticut today, where apparently no one has heard of wireless internet. (We got some funny looks from the neighbors who still think cell phone users are all terrorists trying to set off atomic bombs.) They've also obviously never heard of The Law of Bill Clinton out here-- or in New York: if you're a politician with a penis, and you use that penis, you will end up being made fun of on the internet.

New York and Connecticut, neighbors and fellow travelers in lechery, are racking up the perv exposures:

1) While investigating municipal corruption, the FBI discovered phone records and pictures of [Waterbury, CT Mayor Vincent] Giordano with a prostitute named Guitana Jones, as well as with her 10-year-old niece and her 8-year-old daughter. He was arrested on July 26, 2001 and, in March 2003, was convicted of 14 counts of using an interstate device, his cell phone, to arrange sexual contact with children. He was also convicted of violating the girls' civil rights. He was sentenced to 37 years in prison. In July 2007 his motion to reduce this sentence was denied by a federal judge. [Wikipedia]

2) Up until just a few years ago, New York legislators would go "window shopping" for interns at the start of every legislative session. The eager young people would be corralled at a newsstand so legislators could pick their help based on looks, not resumes. A former district attorney in Albany says that unfortunately, many of the people who seek public office "are flawed people to begin with." (Canadian Press)

No wonder we didn't get that political job we've been groveling for: we, ridiculous as it may sound, thought our record of experience would inevitably carry us all the way to the Big House. (Yeah, even we've begun to sound like the broken Hillary Clinton record.)

3) Match the state to its legislator's foul misdeed! a) Colorado b) Washington c) Arkansas; 1) Fondled 17-year-old girl at his home 2) Allegedly made fresh remarks and showed off his wang to a female lobbyist in a bar 3) Allegedly picked up a man at an adult book store (while he was married, to a woman), and the man tried to blackmail him. [Wonkette]

More about the lecherous statehouses of America at Wonkette.

Image via Bob From Accounting.

Exclusive: Inside the Douchebag Trial

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 14:00:00 GMT

Our friend Kurt Opprecht has been attending the groundbreaking trial of the 17 year old blogger waging a bitter fight against her Connecticut high school. Folks may recall the story of Avery Doninger, who used the word "douchebag" to lambaste school administrators in a Live Journal entry.

Doninger was upset that school Superintendent Paula Schwartz had canceled a Battle of the Bands and went home to her computer and ripped them a new a-hole via RSS. The Hartford Courant quotes her as saying:

"Jamfest is canceled due to the douchbags [sic] in central office." She also encouraged others to write or call Schwartz "to piss her off more..."

The school denied her the right to be class secretary, even after she won via write-in; she was therefore also denied a speaking slot at her graduation this year. It's baffling that someone who spoke outside of class and did not disrupt it could be punished for a simple rant-- worse, that a lower court judge would disagree and deny Doninger's appeal.

Opprecht describes how the case is unfortunately playing out on appeal:

“What if Avery had said, ‘Kill the principal,’” one justice asked [yesterday]. “What if there were no rules on what a student could say?” But over time the arguments boiled down to two salient issues. One, offensive language can clearly be controlled on school grounds, but can’t possibly be prohibited everywhere. In this case, the internet has to be a place where free speech is allowed. Two, speech that is disruptive to the educational environment can be limited, even off school grounds, but Avery’s blog entries seem to have been only mildly disruptive, and probably justifiably so.

"Kill the principal." This is the same nonsensical argument made by, say, opponents of gay marriage, i.e. what's next, dog marraiges? You don't bust a pot smoker for smack possession just because you think weed is a "gateway drug." It's not about what comes next, it's about free speech and what was specifically said that may overstep the bounds. As Opprecht states, clearly, calling a teacher a douchebag on your Live Journal does not disqualify you from First Amendment protection.

We'll be hearing from our court reporter friend again as to whether the judges see this case the same way we do....

[Photo by Kurt Opprecht, link via his blog.]

Hillary: If I Don't Win, I'm Going to Cry Really Loud

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 04 Feb 2008 22:27:00 GMT

Bill cries, Chelsea probably cries (herself to sleep at night because we won't take her calls), and-- big surprise-- today, Hillary cries.

Today, at some random event at Yale, the former Future President of the United States watched her lead in just about every state slip away. (Are you at all surprised to hear Connecticut is one of them?) Sitting on stage, Bill's wifey gets ready to rock the house while listening to an intro from Penn Rhodeen, one of those crazy "feminists" who plotted to overthrow the government and install socialized medicine back in '72. Rhodeen got all nostalgic, then ol' Hill got all choked up, and Rush Limbaugh nearly crapped his pants at the ratings bonanza.

The rest of us just got ill watching. And we have to say, although we are not exactly against Senator Clinton winning tomorrow, we're getting real tired of hearing about every whirlwind of emotion she goes through. The people at Fox News are uncovinced at her sincerity, depsite Ann Coulter's so-caled "endorsement." Some of the comments on the story are brutal, some are beautifully brutal:

Poor Hillary. Maybe she can get an endorsement from Kleenex. I don’t believe her for one minute. She will do what ever she thinks she needs to do to win votes. Not getting my vote. Fell for it the first time, this time it is too much. Keep on crying Hillary, tomorrow you will need to keep the tissue close. - Roxy
I want to say one thing to the American people. I want you to listen to me. I’m going to say this again: I cannot stand that woman, Hillary Clinton. - Dee

The video is here.

[Thanks to Madeline Holler at Babble for the tip.]

[Photo: AP]

Tis the Season for Sexually Assaulting Santa

Emily Farris — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 19:22:00 GMT

Santa is accusing a woman of groping him at a Connecticut mall:

"The security officer at the mall said Santa Claus has been sexually assaulted," police Detective Lt. Thomas Michael said of the weekend complaint.

Sandrama Lamy, 33, of Danbury, was charged with sexual assault and breach of peace. She was released on a promise to appear in court on Jan. 3.

Police quickly found and identified Lamy because the woman was described as being on crutches, said Capt. Bob Myles.

"I've had some very nice ladies sit on my lap," said Connaghan, who did not train the Danbury Fair Santa. "Once in a while they'll say 'I hope Mrs. Claus isn't going to be upset.' You have to be discreet and kind and say 'Oh no, she'll be OK. You can sit here, but only for one photo.'"

She should have just gone to Santacon.

SFGate.com: Woman Accused of Groping Mall Santa

(Thanks, William and Ann!)

Image via dirtyrottensanta.com

	Every second* - $3,075.64 is being spent on pornography*
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