Scanner : cleveland

Victoria's Secret Suit

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 05 May 2009 16:18:00 GMT

Hey ladies-- and gents who like that sort of thing-- do your Victoria's Secret bras bother the living hell out of you?

You're not alone, as we found out from this story out of Cleveland, Ohio...

It turns out there's a big class action lawsuit in the works, with up to 2,000 pairs of boobs claiming damages, brought about by a guy who makes the ambulance-chasing John Travolta character from A Civil Action look like John Paul the Second. (He's quoted as saying about the tit-tarnishing: "All of the women's breasts looked alike," said attorney John Climaco of Cleveland. "It brought tears to your eyes. They're scarred.") What brought tears to this po' countray boy's eyes is described as a rash in the cleavage that irritates the bejesus outta the ladies.

The lawsuit accuses the retailer and its Columbus-based parent company, Limited Brands Inc., of misrepresenting the safety of their products, failing to warn customers of problems and concealing knowledge of defective merchandise.

The women seek in excess of $5 million combined, plus compensation for medical expenses, pain and mental anguish.

At first, [plaintiffs] Ritter and Climaco attributed her afflictions to formaldehyde, a chemical used in clothing manufacturing to help retain shapes. But that strategy fell through after independent tests failed to find formaldehyde in Victoria's Secret bras and concluded that Ritter was not allergic to the chemical.

Whoops. If you have the same symptoms, you might want to start your own case-- we're better this is going to get tossed in no time.

Via the Cleveland Plain Dealer.

Related:

PETA Names the Sexiest Vegetarian Next Door...

The Art of the Nude Supermodel

Top 5 Sex Scenes Involving Lingerie

In Photo War, Patriots Cheerleaders Outdo Cleveland Cavs Cheerleaders

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 15:12:00 GMT

The Cleveland Cavaliers cheerleaders had a photo scandal earlier this month that resulted in many self-righteous commentators spewing nonsense about how disgraceful their innocent, playful, and totally raunchy pics were. (Bill O'Reilly, as usual, had to outdo everyone by giving the girls a public spanking: "[T]his isn't ... the inner city; you would think that these kids would have some kind of a values system.")

In the ensuing chaos, everyone forgot about another cheerleader scandal-- that one in football, courtesy of the New England Patriots. (Still with us?) Next, the other Patriots cheerleaders, we're guessing wildly here, got jealous of all their rivals' media attention and FHM offers and decided to leak sexy photos from the past...

Here are the best, courtesy of some guy named Don Chavez. We're guessing he makes tequila or something.

Oh. How risque... they possess lingerie and footwear. Whoopee.

Nude High School Cheerleader Scandal is Disturbing for a Few Reasons

Is "Tech Sex" Somewhere Between Cyber Sex and Technical Sex?

Hooters Fires Physically-Abused Waitress For Not Looking Hot Enough

Sloppy Seconds: Is The Pill Making the World Unhappy?

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 22:52:00 GMT

As if we need to remind you to switch to Firefox, a new report says Internet Explorer has another major security flaw.

Anthony Keidis came close to having kidney failure.

Did you know this weekend's box office included the biggest bomb in the history of movies? It turns out Delgo, which has a "D" average on Yahoo!, made just a half a million dollars back on its $40 million budget. Delgo is actually an independent film produced by an Atlanta entrepreneur and would've been a great slap-in-the-face to the Hollywood studios if it had been a success. We wanted it to be a great film, but more importantly, we wanted it to succeed outside the system. Such a shame...

The Cleveland Clinic has completed the first face transplant in the U.S.

Phish will headline Bonnaroo.

How did one North Carolina high school decide to honor their spelling bee champ? Guess.

A man is wanted by the courts for paying his $56 traffic fine. Paying his fine-- he paid his fine. Of course, he paid it with 112 rolls of pennies, which may have something to do with the problem...

Thank God: Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber named their kid... Samuel. Phew.

A four-year-old boy snuck out of his house in the middle of the night, crossed a seven-lane-highway, and broke into a dollar store to play with toys. Kid, piece of advice... if you're going to commit a toy burglarly, Toys 'R Us might be more bang for your (literal) buck.

A man is in custody today for plotting to (literally) cut off his former son-in-law's balls.

The Pill is going on sale over the counter pretty soon in the UK. But is it... making us all unhappy sex fiends?

And Carmen Electra (see above photo) can't get enough of Playboy.

Virgin Mary as Never Seen Before: In Mexican Playboy

How Do You Like Your Hair Down There?

While You Were Sleeping: Scores Strikes Out

Who Will Be Time's Person of the Year?

"Dad, Guess Who Lost Their Virginity Last Night?"

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 18:53:00 GMT

This eighteen-year-old girl made the mistake we've all had nightmares about: IMing"Dad" when we meant to tell "Darcy..."

Elisabeth Frisinger was on a class trip with all her high school chums from Cleveland, Ohio when she decided to jump on IM.

Lizzy: "OMG! Just had 1st time on beach! Gr8! Wish u were here!"

Jesus Christ, woman, you write texts worse than I IM and you're old enough to lose your virginity? No wonder Dad, whom you accidentally messaged instead of your friend Darcy, is pissed:

We would be convinced of this item's fakery if it weren't for the fact that her classmates took pictures of her misery (which we won't subject you to) and leaked the story in the first place, which Frisinger has yet to deny. And all she had to do was say, "Dad, I meant-- it was my first time checking out the beach on this trip." In this instance, her braindead use of English would've helped her.

Poor thing-- guess this is why you don't add your fuckin' parents to you buddy list-- use the telephone, that way you don't make mistakes like these! Duh.

Related:

When Drinking and Technology Don't Mix: Scanner Emily's Facebook Faux Pas

Video of the Day: Sexting

While You Were Sleeping: The Madonna-Guy Ritchie Separation

While You Were Sleeping: Kate Winslet's Underage Sex

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 14:05:00 GMT

Can't afford to go to Bonnaroo because of the economic crisis? Music festivals have implemented payment plans for hipsters... and other citizens with good taste.

John McCain is scheduled to stand David Letterman up again this Thursday.

The Governor of Illinois has no plans to resign, called Obama a "motherfucker." Class act.

A Cleveland City Councilman gambled a long political career and up to 20 years in prison for a measly $500 bribe... and lost.

Tyler Perry beat back a frivolous lawsuit.

Tracy Morgan thinks Obama should be more like Jesse Jackson. Or at least a guy who cares more about black people, apparently.

And Kate Winslet had an affair with a man thirteen years her senior... when she was only fifteen.