Woman Is Shocked To Discover That Porn Is Disgusting

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 20:38:00 GMT

We couldn't resist having a laugh at the expense of Mimi Balfour, a Toronto mom who was "shocked" to discover that porn, even those films supposedly geared toward women, were "poorly art directed, poorly shot, it wasn't sexy or intelligent and the guys weren't that attractive."

(Sounds like a spot-on review of most Hollywood movies supposedly geared toward women.)

But Balfour wasn't going to take this lying down. She decided she'd make her own porno, entitled Man of My Dreams...

The Financial Post describes the film as

a collection of fantasy scenarios written, produced and directed by Ms. Balfour, under Cleopatra Productions, is the result of five years of pondering and research, including focus groups with women.

Five years to make a softcore porn movie? Geez, Cinemax used to crank those out every Thursday. And, at a profit, which a five-year-long porn project is unlikely to make...

Each scene is accompanied by music and can be watched in "learning mode," which includes popup fun facts about sex. For example, did you know that orgasms can boost your immune system? Or that a teenage boy's erection can last an hour?

Words cannot begin to describe our shock after having confronted those words.

The scenes are soft but steamy, with enough nudity and variations on subtly simulated sex. Compared with conventional pornography, Man of My Dreams has a clean, bright, cheeky and vaguely wholesome aesthetic.

"My children know that Mummy's making a sexy movie," she says.

Via the Financial Post.

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Top 5 Sex Scenes From Bad Movies

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 20:04:00 GMT

If we've learned anything from Hollywood, it's that 30 seconds of sex is enough for people to endure two hours of terrible moviemaking. (Then again, as in the case of The Girl Next Door, if you promise an "unrated" sex movie and deliver no nudity, barely any sex, and two hours of complete crap? You will pay.)

Here are five of our favorites we haven't been able to forget... all from movies we wish we could...

5. Basic Instinct 2. This sex scene is not even in the Top 200 of Good Sex Scenes From Bad Movies, mainly because it's not a good sex scene. It looks like the film was sped up to make it look rougher, faster, and hotter. It only serves to make it look even more idiotic. We're including it here for comic relief. (The clip we're referring to starts at about 1:20.)

4. Friday the 13th. The original put all my friends to sleep at a late-night slumber party when we were kids-- it's that scary. Rent Black Christmas (the original) or even Halloween (also the original) and you'll do much better. But we like this nice little sex scene all the same...

[Click here to watch this scene-- video on autoplay]

3. Reindeer Games. Even Charlize Theron admits this movie sucks. But who doesn't want to see her naked?

2. The Doors. No matter what you think of Oliver Stone and Jim Morrison, you have to admit combining the two should be brilliant... or, at least, the right pairing for a movie. Too bad Stone focused on nothing but the debauchery and made a pointless movie that offered nothing new or interesting about the late singer. That doesn't mean we don't love this ridiculous and ultimately sexy sex scene:

[Click here to watch this scene-- video on autoplay]

1. Original Sin. If not for this "action" sequence, no one would remember Angelina Jolie and Antonio Banderas' theatrical turd. This is the longest scene on this list and the one most likely to have ended up on Skinemax if not for the presence of A-list stars... it's more than 2 minutes long, complete with an obnoxious orchestral score, and is about as soft-core as it gets. Enjoy.

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