Scanner : cheating

Ex-Mayor in Michigan Arrested For Having Sex in the Street

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 07 May 2009 17:42:00 GMT

Kim Capello, a 56-year-old man who used to be the Mayor pro term of Novi, just outside of Detroit, was arrested last month for indecent exposure.

While it's always news when a politician is arrested for whipping out his boner (Kim is currently the Oakland County Commissioner-- see above), there is more to this story than simple indecency...

On the morning of April 18th, police respond to a complaint about two people getting randy against a wall near a strip of bars and restaurants in town. Upon arriving, the cops found Capello and a 37-year-old woman having sex in the middle of the sidewalk, with pedestrians passing by and presumably fleeing in horror. It should also be noted that Capello is Republican family man-- he has been married for 21 years to his law partner wife, with whom he shares an office, according to the local news. The couple also have three kids.

Strangely enough, the woman has not been charged with any crime, while her lover faces up to three months in jail when he appears in court next month.

Via ClickOnDetroit.

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Most Bizarre Stakeout Ever Ends in Penis Severing

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 06 May 2009 17:02:00 GMT

You would think the most bizarre thing about a woman biting off her boss's penis would be the part where the woman bites off her boss's penis.

You obviously haven't been reading Nerve for very long...

An unidentified 30-year-old female in Singapore will probably never give oral again-- and her boss never receive it-- after this disturbing incident. While the married lady was going down on her superior in a park car, a van crashed into them, similar to that scene in The World According to Garp where the cheating wife is blowing her young student and Robin Williams pulls into the driveway and... ow.

The most bizarre part of the story is that the lovers were found by the private detective that was spying on them on behalf of the woman's husband.

The woman ran from the scene screaming, her mouth covered in blood, but ultimately accompanied her man (no, the other one) to the hospital, where he was treated but probably not fully repaired.

Via Metro.

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"You Traitor Pig!"

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 15:34:00 GMT

Yesterday, we showed you why it's important to avoid Facebook when you're pretending to need a sick day from work.

Today, we'll show an even more dangerous trap users can fall in to-- especially if those users are planning on having a wild bachelor party...

A guy, known in the media as Antonio M., was tagged in a photo on the social networking site-- the photo, it so happens, featured what appears to be a naked stripper behind him. (In the first place, nudity isn't allowed on the website-- so why did he even bother?) Instead of yelling at him for hanging out with naked women, his fiancee flipped the fuck out: she and a friend printed hundreds of posters (see above) and tacked them up around their Italian town, particularly near his office, the homes of their mutual friends, and other places of interest during their relationship. She called him a "traitor pig" for cavorting with this young woman, although there really isn't any evidence he did anything but have a stripper at his bachelor party (or attend a strip club or something similar.)

It doesn't matter-- 28-year-old Valerie A. signed the letter "your former betrothed bride and the 548 guests of our wedding."

Via Metro.

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Who Would You Rather: Brad Pitt vs. Every Other Man in the World?

Emily Farris — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 18:28:00 GMT

Angelina Jolie can't get no satisfaction. Though the actress has a bazillion kids with one of the hottest men in the world, she is apparently ready to make their relationship a little more open. Rumor has it that Jolie told Pitt she wants to take "other lovers." According to reports a "source" says, “Angie has never been a traditional kind of girl, especially when it comes to romance. Even though Brad was attracted to her unconventional behaviour initially, at his core he’s a traditional guy. As open-minded as he tries to be, he certainly wouldn’t be fine with her sleeping with another man and would definitely have resented the suggestion, even if it was a petulant slip of the tongue on her part.”

Of course, we have to ask: if you had to choose between sleeping with Brad Pitt or having your choice of every other man in the world, who would you rather?

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[Image, Image]

[Source]

Married British Barrister Billed Client For Sex

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 18:06:00 GMT

But he didn't just bill his client for sex. He didn't just bill her for sex they had in expensive hotel rooms. He billed her 250 pounds an hour for that sex...

It gets better: 46-year-old attorney Marc Beaumont got client (yes, this is her real name) Anal Sheikh drunk on multiple occasions and slept with her, then later billed her for his time in that absurd amount. Either this is the best sex since Eliot Spitzer was Governor of New York or-- no, it apparently wasn't. Sheikh was furious and went to the press... which probably won't sit too well with... Mrs. Beaumont.

According to the Telegraph:

...things turned sour after Mr Beaumont's wife, Michele, 50, allegedly found out about their relationship and locked him out of the house and he was concerned she would "trash his office".
She claimed Mrs Beaumont later phoned her, threatening to "destroy" her.
Yet despite apparently agreeing with his wife not to see her face to face, she alleged Mr Beaumont wanted to continue the affair. She alleges that the couple met and kissed and he even asked and colleague to lie about his whereabouts if his wife should telephone his office.

Miss Shiekh claims Mr Beaumont acted negligently and gave her bad legal advice on a string of occasions.

Among that terrible advice, we're guessing: "have sex with me."

Via the Telegraph.

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6 Tips on Cheating And Getting Away with It

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 17:10:00 GMT

This week, the website Brobible put up a list of six rules for cheating guys to live by. Unfortunately, folks, a good many people think the way this writer does...

Nothing against monogamy, polyamory, polygamy, or whatever relationship you prefer, but this list has nothing to do with anything like that. This is more of a How to Cheat And Get Away With It has something (or everything) to offend everyone:

1. Try to date women with the same name.
2. Don't promise exclusivity with either girl.
3. Even if she is aware that you are not being monogamous, maintain a "don't ask, don't tell policy" when it comes to each other's bedroom behavior.
4. At some point, the inevitable question of "Where are we going with this?" will ultimately arise. To avoid leading anyone on, simply be upfront and state that you are not looking for a relationship. You might want to throw in, "But I'm not sure what I'll want in the future," to soften the blow.

5. Don't let either girl leave personal belongings at your place.
6. Wrap it up [use a condom.]

Except for #4, that's just the headlines... so you'll either have to read the whole thing or trust us that the rest is equally offensive. You'll note that it doesn't say women should ever try to have multiple boyfriends at the same time, while lying to them all, because that would hurt this dude's feelings.

What do you think? BroBible or... BroBile? (See what we did there? Nifty, huh?)

[Image]

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I Feel Bad About Your Chin, Meg Ryan

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 21:52:00 GMT

A new study indicates women who have stronger chins are more likely to cheat.

Dennis Quaid saw this photo of Meg Ryan and proclaimed, "I should have known..."

According to psychologists at Western Ontario University, women with "larger" chins, like former A-list star Meg Ryan can mean more testosterone:

Larger chins on women are often caused by a high level of the male growth hormone testosterone, present in all women in various amounts.

The hormone also increases sexual assertiveness in a woman, a tendency more commonly attributed to males.

The researchers, from four universities across the US and Canada, took a group of young women and questioned them on their sexual histories and fantasies.

These women were then rated by a group of men on their desirability as a life partner.
It was concluded that men will shun women with such masculine features when looking for a long-term partner because they fear being cuckolded.

Psychologists believe it is linked to their evolutionary desire to have a partner who will produce children for only one man.

We're not sure why being more sexually assertive means you're more likely to cheat on your husband with dopey ol' Russell Crowe, but whatever.

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Infidelity: Blame It On My Hormones

Emily Farris — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 19:09:00 GMT

Okay, not my hormones so much, because I apparently don't have high numbers of the hormone in question (though I wonder if it's available in pill form?). But according to a new study out of the University of Texas, women with high concentrations of oestradiol are more likely to cheat on their partners.

How do you know if you or your lady friend has high levels of oestradiol?

Well, is she hot?

High concentration of the hormone is associated with with big breasts, facial attractiveness and low waist-to-hip ratio.

Like we said, we obviously don't oestradiol coming out of our ears or anything (but we weren't joking when we asked about it in pill form) but women who do are "likelier to flirt, kiss and have a serious affair outside an established relationship" because "men solicit such women."

So, hot people are more likely cheat? Oh, sorry "sexy women" (see below).

[AP: Hormone drives sexy women to infidelity, says study]

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How to Catch Someone Cheating On You: Radio Edition

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 14:44:00 GMT

He loves me... he loves me not?

If you find yourself asking that question over and over about your boyfriend (or, what the hell, husband), these morning radio show DJ's have discovered a surefire way to answer it with 100% accuracy...

Listen to this actual call-in clip, which doesn't appear to have been staged-- although it would've been unforgettable...

...when we were in high school, we used to pull a prank that had a similar style (although, again, the above gem is genuine.) We'd stand around the local Borders and wait as two friends of ours, a guy and a girl, would bump into a fourth friend of either gender and the fourth person would freak out-- "what are you doing here, you're cheating on me with him/her?!" Trust us, when we were fifteen, this was considered high comedy, especially when the terrified clerks would have them all ejected for fighting.

Not sure why we're mentioning this bit of immature stupidity, but maybe you haven't been able to shake off the horrible feeling that this clip has wrought. If that's the case, just think: it might be some goofball prankster couple, trying to pull off a stunt on a bunch of talk show idiots...

[You can listen to the clip here if, for any reason, it's not working above.]

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This Thanksgiving, Just Shut Up and Be Thankful for Your Faithful Mate (Who You Probably Don't Really Have)

Emily Farris — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 19:20:00 GMT

We just love holiday press releases here at Scanner. We're actually starting to believe they're funded by liquor companies. They're either so full of warm and fuzzy bullshit you want to laugh about it over a bottle of wine or they contain some information that will likely scare you so much you spend the entire holiday throwing back Bailey's on the rocks to forget that your life, as you know it, may crumble in front of you (and your entire family) at any given moment.

Our holiday press release du jour comes from Ruth Houston an, "infidelity expert and author" who thinks you should spend Thanksgiving giving thanks for your monogamous mate. But, she adds, even though you think you have a faithful partner, you probably don't, mmmkay?

It is of the utmost importance to be reminded on Turkey Day, that:

• 50% to 70% of men cheat on their mates
• female infidelity has increased 50% in the past 10 years
• In one study, 70% of married women and 54% of married men whose spouses were cheating had no idea their partner was having an affair.
• In another study, 60% of those who admitted to cheating, said their partner did not know about their affair.

But she's quick to remind us that even if you think your mate falls into the faithful category, think again:

"Most people who are married or in a committed relationship automatically assume their partner is faithful. But as the statistics above indicate, only a small percentage of those in relationships can truthfully make that claim."

Yeah, so instead of spending so much on a free-range, organic turkey this year, you should be saving your money for a private investigator. And booze. Lots of booze.

Thanks, Ruth Huston!

[This Thanksgiving, Be Thankful if You Have a Faithful Mate]

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Having Painful Sex? The Men of New Jersey Would Like To Help

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 15:15:00 GMT

We realize that our headline is incredibly misleading but we never miss a chance to dig on our neighbors and rivals...

The Asbury Park Press has-- seriously-- gotten its panties in a twist about a bunch of dudes from New Jersey getting approved for an estrogen cream. We have to humbly step aside, without comment, and allow them their moment to shine:

Madison-based Wyeth said it won U.S. approval of a low-dose form of Premarin to treat a condition that makes sexual intercourse painful for some women.
The estrogen cream was approved for the condition known as postmenopausal dyspareunia, the company said today in a statement distributed by PR Newswire. The disorder follows the atrophy, or thinning, of the vagina and vulva that can occur in menopause, usually between the ages of 45 to 55.

The cream has 0.5 grams of estrogens, the company said. The drug will be sold by prescription only. [APP]

Ball's in your court, New York. Now we need to permanently cure impotence or the wandering eye or something... [Image]

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Cheating Wife Claims To Still Love Her Husband... After 18 Month Affair

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 18:22:00 GMT

Face it, if you cheat on somebody for a year and a half, you probably don't "love" your partner, at least not in the traditional sense. Far too often, people use the L-word (not that L Word) to describe their feelings, when they really mean "I'm really attached and dependent on you."

We've never seen a more perfect example to back up this argument than a woman who we came across in the Daily Mail today when reading that story about the eight-year-old's makeover party...

The rundown is basically this: a woman with a husband and daughter started an affair with a married man, an affair that has been going on for 18 months. She is absolutely crazy about the guy and doesn't want to break it off-- but, surprise, she can't bear the thought of hurting her husband, whom she loves. Whatever we think of the situation and this woman, we absolutely do not believe she is still in love with her husband, although she claims to be. Her behavior in no way reflects an understanding of the word as we understand it. Here are some of the comments in the Daily Mail:

-Has it occurred to you that your husband might eventually be better off and happier with someone else?

Don't we all have the right to search for a faithful partner? Yet unbelieveably you claim to be denying him that right in order to "protect" him! Such charity! But what will actually hurt him more? The truth, followed by recovery and the freedom to find someone faithful, or a lifetime shackled to a partner who's betrayed him, without ever again having the option of finding one who won't?

Where's his choice in this? Do you really feel you should decide on his behalf whether he stays with an unfaithful partner? Have some courage. At least you won't lose your child, unlike him!
-I am sorry, but am I meant to feel sympathy for your plight which you have so inevitably brought on yourself. If you truly loved your husband you would have not started the affair. I hope your husband, family and friends find out what you are really like which is a very dishonest person.

The only person you are thinking about is yourself which is utterly selfish. Either admit to the affair and undergo marriage counselling or get a divorce as your husband and the lovers wife deserve honesty and love. Which you and your lover seem to be destroying.

All I can say is I hope karma pays you a visit and you get what you deserve as you certainly have no morality.

If you're strong enough to fend off your feelings for someone else, then you are probably in love. If you're not strong enough to break off an affair that's spiraling out of control, you aren't really in love enough with your husband anymore. Or maybe you're just a weakling. Either way, we have to agree, you don't deserve the guy. Whether you readers think marriage is an institution you think works for us horny humans is beside the point-- the reality here is that this person put her faith in somebody and then has betrayed them over and over again without cause. It's time to do the right thing and leave him, since he deserves someone who loves him.

Sorry for the rant, but this one had to be done.

Via the Daily Mail.

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CNN Discovers Why Men Cheat (Gasp! It's About Their Feelings)

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 14:50:00 GMT

Second only to the New York Times for being last to figure out what's going on Planet Earth, the Cable News Network is not exactly known for breaking cultural news or actually telling us anything we don't already know. So it's no surprise that they've taken to publishing Oprah.com's columns on their website in lieu of doing their own fact-finding...

...and the results are predictable.

Among the shock revelations:

"It's not about blaming the wife. It can't be. I mean, cheating is ridiculous. It's wrong. And you can't justify it,"

Okay so far...

What's the number one reason men cheat? Ninety-two percent of men said it wasn't primarily about the sex.
"The majority said it was an emotional disconnection, specifically a sense of feeling underappreciated. A lack of thoughtful gestures..."

Like BJ's and letting him film your threesome.

Josh says he cheated on his wife, Jennifer, because he felt underappreciated at home and started feeling insecure. "That insecurity was really the catalyst," he says. "I didn't feel comfortable going to the one person in the world I should be going to, which is my wife."

We're sorry, but you were insecure? And Oprah is letting this guy get a free ride?! We're sorely disappointed.

Men have a winning mentality.

Except when they're cheating losers.

"Does he have ownership in the team? It looks like that. But as long as they're in the game, even to the very end, they'll watch. Once it's a blowout and they know their team can't win, television goes off. And what a lot of men will say to me through this research is, 'I just felt like I couldn't win.'"

A sports metaphor for talking about men? Please, go on for a few more paragraphs like this, it isn't tiresome or cliche at all...

For the first five years of his marriage, AJ says things were rocky with his wife, Janet. "We got to the point where we were really living in separate parts of the house. I went downstairs every time I came home from work..."

The Oprah guru goes on to say AJ eventually cheated on his wife. Honestly, we're not sure the word "cheated" is appropriate, though technically correct, in this case. You were living in separate wings of the house? Unless AJ is a cover for "William J. Clinton," we're pretty sure this guy's marriage was going to end anyway...

But maybe you have a different opinion. Hating on CNN and this stupid story? Not debatable, sorry.

Via CNN Living.

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Reason #8,847 Not To Sleep With A Bali Hooker...

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 20:03:00 GMT

This is one of the most bizarre family custody cases we've ever heard about.

It involves a man, a hooker, a mom, a five-year-old girl, a series of judges, one STD... and, hopefully, a happy ending... no pun intended...

According to Strollerderby, this is the story of:

1) Man in Australia gets married, his wife has a five-year-old daughter. Daughter contracts an unnamed STD.

2) Wife leaves man, saying he cheated on her and gave the daughter the STD. But how did he give the daughter the STD?

3) Man tells judge: "Hey Judge, it was nothing more than this ol' pro I rented out on vacation in Bali." Judge says: "Suck it, I'm taking your daughter away." (Actual transcripts unavailable.)

4) Man tells appellate court judge, "Dude, I was serious about that ol' pro thing. I think I gave the undisclosed STD to my daughter via a towel we shared one day." Judge: "Yep, that sounds about right" and gives the man custody again.

5) The internets throw a shitfit:

That a judge would put a child back in the home of a suspected molester without being 100 percent certain is creepy enough. But so is the fact that a number of STDs could easily be passed to a child - even, according to reputable health sources, by a shared towel.

Innocent until proven guilty, people. Of course, the guy deserves at least some punishment for cheating with a hooker in a foreign country while he had a wife and family back home-- when are people going to realize that cheating has major consequences for those around them?

Via Strollerderby.

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"I Seem To Have Forgotten To Bathe For Two Days"

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 15:47:00 GMT

The man who has been anointed to run the public schools in good ol' Miami-Dade County has just had his entire affair, in the form of raunchy e-mails, splashed across the front pages of everything from his local paper to Gawker.com.

Normally, we wouldn't make a big deal of a guy or gal having an affair, even if one of them is in Alberto Carvalho's esteemed position, but we'll make an exception for how perfectly insane these messages are...

Former Miami Herald reporter Tania deLuzuriaga, pictured above, now a 27-year-old staffer for the Boston Globe, met Carvalho when she was covering education for the Florida paper. Soon after, source and confidant got personal:

From: Tania
Subject line: “Fuzzy.”
“It occurred to me while I was riding that I seem to have forgotten to bathe the past two days. I also haven’t shaven since I left Miami. Thought you might like that image. If you say you’d still go down on me I’ll call you a liar. Hope your day is wonderful. I love you.”
Subject line: "Re: Fuzzy"
“Don’t shave. Wanna are it." [His Blackberry meant to say "Wanna see it," but this is way better.]

If you think that's TMI territory, wait'll you check out her next one:

“Will you be completely offended if I leap into your arms the next time I see you (place permitting)? Like in the movies, with arms and legs wrapped around. Like what I wanted to do Thursday and didn’t and when I said I wanted to you asked why I didn’t…love, love, love you xoxoxo.”

Oy vey... is this 44-year-old married man that much of a mess that he thinks a happy then-26-year-old who is naked in front of him doesn't want him? By the way, you might be wondering how all these e-mails leaked... and why... we're betting Carvalho's wife found them and went to the press just to humiliate him and gain the upper hand in a divorce proceeding. Or something else. What do you think?

Via Miami New Times. Photo by Jonathan Wiggs.

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Engagement Party Ends In Cheating, Beating, Arrest, No Makeup Sex

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 13:50:00 GMT

A wedding in Washington State is in jeopardy following a wild fight on the bride's front lawn...

A 31-year-old woman in Poulsbo, WA was happily hosting her long-awaited engagement party last week when her 12-year-old son from a previous relationship whispered, "Hey, your future husband is in the other room making out with one of your best friends."

The woman, who was not named in news reports, calmly asked guests, including her fiancee, to leave the premises. As Nina Van Pallandt deadpans in The Long Goodbye, "Well, it looks like the party has come to an abrupt end." Instead of letting her guy go, though, she followed him outside and proceeded to beat the living crap out of him:

When he left the house, they say, she tackled him football-style, punched him some more, threw his watch into the bushes and broke his glasses.

Responding to a 911 call from her son, deputies arrested the woman for investigation of fourth-degree assault.

We have a couple of questions: who are these people that make out with other people at their own engagement parties? Who are these people who make out with those getting engaged? We always thought the phrase "get your own damn man" was quaint, but in this case, it seems entirely natural. (Also, what's with the 12-year-old looking out for his mom's future, then calling the cops on her five seconds later? Kid, sometimes people deserve an ass whopping, laws be damned...)

Via the AP.

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Dear Margo Unsure What Sex Coupons Are

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 15:15:00 GMT

DEAR MARGO: I found a sexually explicit card and sex coupons from my husband's lover. He insists nothing went on and that it was just a fluke that he received such cards and coupons. If I can't get him to tell me what went on, is it OK to go after the "other woman" and get her to give me some details? I want to work through things to save my marriage, but I need to know what happened in order to do so.

The woman who wrote in to Dear Margo this week signs her letter "AT A LOSS FOR WORDS." We're unable to speak, as well... from laughing. Here's Margo's response:

DEAR AT: Forgive me, but I am unfamiliar with "sex coupons." My best guess is they are like the ones for the supermarket, only you redeem them for ... well, never mind.

The rest of her response is classy snark, but she fails to seize upon the insanity of the situation. This woman's husband is cheating on her-- clearly. We don't need a public confession, John Edwards-style, to come to the conclusion that he's no good. It's called "a gut feeling." Margo suggests therapy or "hasta la vista" but the problem is, he won't admit to the affair. There's no couples therapy in that situation-- it's either he confesses and you work it out (we're assuming you say "you're never to see or speak to this woman again") or you dump his ass at once. No exceptions.

Ladies-- don't ever give guys an out like "therapy" when he won't even admit that there's a problem beforehand. DTMFA, as another advice columnist would say...

Via Yahoo.

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Elizabeth Edwards: "I Stayed For The Kids"

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 18:39:00 GMT

John Edwards, who is a no-good chauvinist who tried to shrug off (clearly) fathering his girlfriend's child as being okay because he "did not love her," at least told his wife about the affair before the press heard about it and her cancer had returned.

In a detailed story by People:

Elizabeth Edwards was furious and distraught about her husband's betrayal, but she decided to keep her marriage in tact, in large part, because of her terminal cancer and the prospect that her children will one day be motherless, those closest to her said. In 2007, doctors diagnosed Elizabeth with incurable cancer.

A friend of Elizabeth's is quoted as saying that the almost immediate reemergence of Mrs. Edwards's cancer kicked her feelings into high gear, and she was forced to confront her future and make a decision ASAP:

"She couldn't say, 'Well, maybe we'll work through this for years, or maybe we should separate for two years,' " said Hargrave McElroy, Elizabeth's friend. "(The cancer) forced her to choose whether to move forward."
"She was struggling with being out there," McElroy said. "She did strikingly less campaigning than she did" when Edwards was the 2004 Democratic vice presidential nominee.
"Part of the burden for Elizabeth had been the lie," McElroy said. "She anticipated the great relief the truth brings."
But John Edwards' public confession did not bring the relief that Elizabeth anticipated, the magazine reports.
The confession has been crushing to Elizabeth because of how badly her husband's image has been tarnished.

No wonder Elizabeth privately wanted Edwards to endorse Hillary Clinton: the two are practically on the exact same wavelength about their husbands...

[Via the NY Daily News.]

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Scanner Roundtable: What Counts As Cheating?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 15:15:00 GMT

A Tango story this morning gave us an idea: what do Scanner readers consider cheating? A kiss? A blow job followed by six straight months (but nothing shorter) of sex in a hotel room? What do you think?

We have been taught that the definition of cheating starts with a kiss, and that a physical tryst is the ultimate betrayal. But a lot of other flirtatious behavior can cross into the gray zone. Anything from sexy text messages and phone sex to a lap dance from a stripper and intense lunches with a coworker may not be immediate cause for a break-up, but these acts may be enough to make people re-evaluate what constitutes being unfaithful.

Take Eva, 25, a curator who lives in Chicago. Knee-deep into her relationship with her boyfriend, Rob, she started to feel restless. The sex with Rob was passionless and infrequent. Eva still loved him, but felt a need to jumpstart her love life. One day, she found a three-word email from an ex-boyfriend in her inbox: “How are you?” What started as innocent catch-up emails escalated into graphic reveries about their racy sexual past. Eva felt a thrill she hadn’t felt for months in her relationship with Rob. The ex-boyfriend lived in Italy, so the exchanges never resulted in a face-to-face meeting. Late at night, though, she wondered, “Am I a cheater?”

Damn, if sending e-mails is cheating, we're surprised no one's branded us with a bright-red "A" across our collective chests. But maybe you have a different opinion... let's hear from you in the comments.

Via Tango.

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Women Get Away With Affairs Because of Their Expert Lying, Says Woman Who Got Away With An Affair With Future British Prime Minister

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 15:12:00 GMT

This is Edwina Currie, the conservative politician who cheated on her husband with married future British Prime Minister John Major. Edwina wrote a piece for the Daily Mail this week on the latest poll on cheaters and how they get away with it...

So a new survey has come up with the surprise revelation that women are just as likely to be unfaithful as men.
Why didn't anyone realise this earlier?
Simply, it seems, because we women are more wily. While men are likely to strut around bragging about their conquests - indeed, even exaggerating the scale of their extramarital infidelities - women, conversely, are apt to keep mum about theirs.
Two thousand women were questioned in a recent sex and relationship survey. One in six of them admitted to having adulterous sex.
But here's the revelation: while females almost invariably discover the truth when their spouses stray, women are adept at keeping their own infidelities secret.

Currie also points out the already-infamous recent interview given by Dame Eileen Atkins in which the 70-something actress confessed that Colin Farrell had repeatedly propositioned her one night a few years back, in which Atkins said:

'Women are more successful at infidelity than men - they're better liars.'

Interestingly, it was Currie who broke the news of the affair, more than a decade after it ended, in her 2002 autobiography. She later trashed Major for being sexist and racist and disparaged his work as Prime Minister. She also admitted that, after all that time, she still loved him...

Anyway, what do we think about this survey? Are woman better at conducting affairs (and getting away with them) because of their skills as liars?

Via the Daily Mail.

Sloppy Seconds: It's Friday And Salma Hayek Is Single

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 21:50:00 GMT

A woman paid $1,000 for someone else's baby after having a miscarriage. Painful Excerpt: "...she didn’t want to disappoint her mother." Yikes.

Did you guys and gals attend the mass nude photo shoot today in Ann Arbor, Michigan?

The Best Article Every Day today featured "7 Reasons Why The New iPhone Sucks."

Lockup your children, drugs, bowler hats, and microphones: Pete Doherty is on the loose.

John McCain actually doesn't hide from gay Republicans. He just conveniently leaves them off his public schedule.

Today in Weight Gain or Pregnancy? rumors is Uma Thurman.

Wonkette reports that our favorite cheating, divorcing family values Republican seriously injured a man at a Congressional baseball game and did nothing while the man bled all over the place. Oh, then he hit a home run and celebrated. Classy.

Another disgusting Obama shirt or just a poor choice of words: "Obama Is My Slave." (we're betting it's the former-- can you picture them making and somehow selling a John McCain version?)

Salma Hayek is not getting married to some billionaire after all. While the lesbian rumors start up again, we'll make our move...

Related:

Republican Quits Congress For His Family, Cheats On His Wife, Files For Divorce

"Breasts Drive Women Wild" Article Even Better Than Promised

Racist Fake Obama T-Shirt Has Internet In Uproar

Crazy White Supremacists-- Gasp!-- Hate Obama

Gisele Bundchen's Latest Nude Shoot May Be Her Finest Work Yet

Corrupt Congresswoman Does Topless Shoot From Prison

Photo via AskMen.

Anti-Gay Alabama Attorney General Busted in Bed With A Man?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 14:15:00 GMT

Troy King, the Attorney General of Alabama, has been dogged by gay rumors for some time now. The hardcore Republican and foe of gay marriage, who backed McCain early in the primaries, is rumored to be ready to resign after the latest juicy allegations surfaced...

1) Troy "ask[ed] the Legislature to amend the state's anti-obscenity law after a Jefferson County judge ruled this month that part of the law was too vague to force closure of a Hoover store that sells sexual devices."

2) He all but called the Supreme Court terrorists when they dared to overturn the law allowing for the death penalty for child rape. Troy said

"Anybody in this country who cares about children should be outraged ... They are creating a situation where this country is a less safe place to grow up."

Is Alabama Attorney General Troy King referring to terrorists? Street gangs? Pedophiles? No. According to King, the people endangering kids are justices on the U.S. Supreme Court who on Wednesday overturned a Louisiana law that made child rape punishable by death.

3) Then, in the last couple days...

According to rumors flying around for the last week Troy King, [the] rabidly homophobic, anti-sex toy, Sunday School teaching, pro-execution Republican Attorney General [of Alabama] is GAY! And I don't mean that as in happy either. I'd bet he is anything but happy right now. In fact, according to two sources he is about to resign. Also posted here.
Two Alabama bloggers emailed me asking if I had heard the rumor that King Troy's wife caught him in bed with a MAN and kicked him out of the house around the time of the Special Session. Could I confirm it?

4) The male aide, it is believed, is actually his college roommate, who he helped get a job with the state and/or on his staff so they could be closer together. As one source put it: "When Troy's out of town... the [old roommate] goes with." Another version says he's a homecoming king... as in, a recent graduate...

The story then became that the mystery man was a young man who had just graduated from Troy University and was the Homecoming King (no pun intended) (God that gets confusing...Troy King with the homecoming king who graduated from Troy) and that was who the wife walked in on. Then a few weeks later Troy and his boy toy from Troy were spotted at the YMCA (not kidding) engaging in....ummmm....inappropriate activities. Yeah...at the YMCA...made famous by the Village People. Apparently Troy has no inkling of what it means to be 'discreet'.

The YMCA story smells of total elephant shit, although the rest of this (that is-- that Troy was caught in bed with a man by his own wife, then booted from the premises) has been backed up by a variety of sources. However, just to further confuse you, one source claims that the leak on this story came from the Governor's office...

We shall see...

Via Pam's House Blend.

Republican Quits Congress For His Family, Cheats On His Wife, Files For Divorce

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 13:00:00 GMT

The last remaining Mississippi Republican in the House has shown his true colors-- and no, it's not taking a lobbying job after pretending to be quitting Congress to "spend more time with his family."

1) At "state GOP headquarters in Jackson, Miss., Friday, Aug. 17, 2007... Pickering, 44, said that for now, he wants to spend more time with his wife, Leisha, and their five sons, who range in age from 8 to 17. Pickering, who said he has not lined up a job to start after this term ends in early 2009, did say he is not ruling out a return to politics forever."

2) "Pickering [is actually] heading to work on K Street... [although] he might want to leave Congress before the lobbying/ethics reform legislation is signed into law." [MSNBC]

3) Wonkette reported yesterday on the real truth: "that Chip is divorcing his wife so he can spend more time with all the various women he’s been connected with over the years. What, a Republican in Congress who commits adultery with the opposite sex?" Then, their tipster recaps the saga:

So, Rep. Charles Pickering (R) MS says last year that he is not going to run again for Congress - to spend time with his family. Then he up and files for divorce this week - thus destroying his family. Come to hear rumors that he has been having a long term relationship with a woman tied directly to a major Telecom company in addition to rumors of improper relationships with female lobbyist. What part of Faith, Family and Freedom has this guy forgotten?

We're almost sad to see him go-- this guy was actually started to turn all entertaining on us, thanks to all these skeletons popping out of his closet. Maybe one day he'll be caught taking off a KKK hood or something, just to keep things interesting around here.

But really, can you believe there are almost no Republicans in the House from Mississippi? Unfortunately, the seat in the 3rd District is expected to remain GOP... although with these latest blows to the party of "Family Values," you never know...

Confessions of "The Other Woman"

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 18:33:00 GMT

"I was the other woman—and I got pregnant with his twins," "I joined forces with his other girlfriend," "I was his secret office fling; now we're married" and other juicy tales, thanks to a slow news day at MSN.com. Some of these women should have seen the red flags, the others were duped without warning, all of them offer valuable lessons...

MSN has six stories on life as the "other woman," which in this day and age means you're his "girlfriend," probably. Anyway, no point in wasting your day reading all of them-- here's the recap instead:

1. I was the other woman—and I got pregnant with his twins

Woman gets divorced, shacks up with a married man, decides she doesn't need birth control, is shocked to discover an unintended pregnancy. (If you think we're being harsh, check out the actual quote from her: "At the time I was very thin and not having regular periods, so I was shocked to find out three months into the affair that I was pregnant—with twins, no less!") She dumps him or he dumps her, she has his twins, he gets divorced, she gives him a second chance. Surprise-- he cheats on her. What Terry Learned: "I learned that two clichés are true: What comes around goes around, and a leopard never changes its spots." Amen.

2. I joined forces with his other girlfriend

Guy says girlfriend has to be his secret girlfriend to protect her from the crazy ex. (Ladies, just so you know, Scanner Law dictates an automatic dumping of any man who feeds you this line.) Turns out that he told the other girl that the first girl was the psycho stalker. They found out about each other and are now going to crash his wedding and prove, with absolute certainty, that they are over him for good. Yup. What Terri Learned: Absolutely nothing, we fear.

3. I caught my boyfriend in bed with another woman

She walked in on the boyfriend of seven years banging away, decided she needed some socks and perfume, and left. Huh? Anyway... What Jennifer Learned: "Every day I thank God—and weirdly, that naked woman, whoever she was—for that moment!" Awesome for her-- it's always nice to see how someone can turn a rough experience into a positive lesson. However, we do wonder why she didn't sneak a peek at the woman-- what if it was a supposedly good friend? Now she'll never know.

4. I was a married-man magnet

20-something girl gets a nasty letter from her guy's "wife," is somehow convinced it's "a prank," turns out it's not even the guy's wife, but his other mistress, "who was pregnant and trying to get [the dude's] wife to divorce him." She kept seeing him and other married guys until... What Natasha Learned: "Finally a girlfriend told me something that turned my life around. She said, 'Every woman deserves to be loved exclusively.'"

5. I was his secret office fling; now we're married

"He had a serious girlfriend," they both agreed it was a bad idea, then tried to resist for a year while working together, fell in love, got married, and will probably stay that way for another 85 years. What Lisa Learned: "I don't consider for even a nanosecond that Todd would cheat on me. There's just too much history, love and potential for it to be worth it. And those are his words." We try to take whatever's the more positive side of an outlook for a relationship, so we're going to guess Todd actually will stay true to his words...

6. I was the other woman—with a woman

He knew he couldn't compete, but she knew better than to make it a competition. What Sandra Learned: "But I didn't feel whole without having her completely. And so I let her go. My affair was the most selfish thing I've ever done. Giving it up might have been the bravest." Here, here.

So... six boneheaded moves by six non-boneheads... these are actually some pretty cool women. Let's hope we all learned something today... courtesy of MSN, which is apparently trying to be US Weekly, but whatever....

The full stories, via MSN.

A-Rod Brainwashed By Hot Madonna or Religious Madonna?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 15:59:00 GMT

Alex Rodriguez's trainer, in an interview in yesterday's New York Post, claims that Madonna has "brainwashed" the baseball star into turning his back on his family, among other allegations...

In a bombshell interview with The Post, Dodd Romero — Rodriguez's former trainer and godfather to his two daughters who spent last week in Paris with Cynthia Rodriguez — said he and C-Rod believe the Yankee superstar has been gradually drawn away by Madonna's allure.
"Alex, God bless him, is lost," A-Rod's ex-pal lamented. "I think he got pulled in by the dark side, if you can say that nicely. He's totally brainwashed." [MSN/Fox/NY Post]

According to Romero, it all started late last year when Madonna and A-Rod began working out together in Manhattan. From there, Madonna worked her kabbalah voodoo on the helpless hulk, to the point where Rodriguez began spending late nights "studying up" at Madonna's pad.

Soon, A-Rod fell under the spells of both kabbalah and Madonna's legendary status, neglecting his ten-month-old, who, the trainer claims, has only seen her father "a couple of times."

He said A-Rod is going through a kabbalah practice called "cleaning out your vessel," which means getting out the old and taking in the new.
"To me that's a way of saying leave your family and move on," Romero said.
After hooking up with Madonna, A-Rod was soon frequenting Manhattan's Kabbalah Centre — where he's been spotted recently — in an all-white uniform, the sect's symbol of purity.

Meanwhile, as Scanner Emily reported, Mrs. Rodriguez has allegedly started shacking up with Madonna's ex, Lenny Kravitz.

Via Fox Sports/NY Post.

Vito Fossella Promotes Family Values... Two Families At A Time

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 09 May 2008 16:40:00 GMT

As we suspected, Vito Fossella is not the goody-two-shoes, family-values conservative, Dad of the Year winner the Republican Party made him out to be. The New York City Congressman, already the worst person in the world for bringing his best friend Dick Cheney to Brooklyn and Staten Island to fundraise for him, has outdone himself again.

And we thought Eliot Spitzer's was the ultimate hypocrite for going after whorehouses while himself visiting Ashley Alexandra Dupre in his spare time:

Representative Vito J. Fossella, the Staten Island Republican who was arrested on drunken-driving charges in Virginia last week, acknowledged on Thursday that he had fathered a daughter, now 3, in an extramarital affair. But he declined to address questions about his political future. [New York Times]

It keeps getting better: not only that, but Vito has been seen recently without his wedding ring. Dude-- you're a public official, people in the gossip community (i.e. the New York Post, Daily News, and Reuters) tend to notice shit like that. And if you're going to cheat on your wife (and kids-- that is, those kids you have with your current wife), please leave her at least the dignity to be able to end the marriage herself-- in other words, let her be the one to take her ring off first. Don't get all Rudy Guiliani on us and call a press conference announcing your divorce so she can learn about it from NY1 News.

Asshole.

Via The New York Daily News.

Photo Essay: Revenge of the Cheated

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 20:00:00 GMT

And no, that's not Scanner Emily's revenge billboard (she's even more creative than that-- although you gotta love the postscript on that one)...

After today's earlier story on a cheating politician, we wondered if there were any other boneheaded dudes who not only couldn't keep it in their pants but also got owned, publicly. Yep. Quite a few... quite a few...

That car was an ugly old Ford anyway... but this one...

...that's just fucking wrong.

Speaking of wrong, what do we think of publishing full fronto photos of the cheater in question on the internet, emphasizing their almost total lack of naughty bits?

Too late! (Don't worry, we cropped the face out here-- you know, for privacy.)

For more cathartic photos of cheaters feelin' the burn, Jackass style, check out 35 millimeter.

Ohio Democrat Flashes Topless Photos During High School Class

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:32:00 GMT

Ohio State Rep. Matthew Barrett resigned his office yesterday after flashing topless photos of two unidentified women from his district to the high school seniors he was lecturing. Dude, if you're gonna cheat on your wife, don't keep nudie pics of your girlfriend(s) on the same flash drive as your slideshow presentation, because then we'll have to fly up to Ohio and beat you with a mallet for disgracing the Party.

Barrett, who was running for reelection, left Democrats holding the bag in ways than one. Originally, they had rallied behind him when the allegations first came to light, since the Rep. insisted they were photos his thirteen-year-old son had placed on the flash drive. Seems like the teen did not particularly feel like taking the fall for his old man...

Norwalk police investigated the incident, in which the image briefly appeared before a group of seniors as Barrett gave a PowerPoint presentation on how a bill becomes a law. [via Cleveland.com]

Seems like Barrett will gain more knowledge of the ins and outs of the legal system than he ever hoped to achieve, now courtesy of the Columbus prosecutor's office...

Spitzer Could Have, Should Have Gotten The Milk For Free

Emily Farris — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 14:07:00 GMT

He's no Bill Clinton, but Eliot Spitzer is not a bad looking guy, save his creepy eyes. He's rich, powerful, and was somewhat avuncular until a few days ago. Who wouldn't fuck him? You know, if he weren't married with three kids? And out of the women who would fuck him if he were unattached, how many would still fuck him knowing he was a family man? Plenty, we're guessing.

So why did Spitzer spend so much money on sex through a professional agency when there were probably hundreds, if not thousands, of women all over New York state who would have fucked him under the table?

Because he could. As Scanner Bryan noted earlier this morning, dude was loaded. Always has been, always will be. $80,000 was more than likely pocket change to him. While some men like the challenge of pursuing a woman, others like to throw down a few grand, get their dicks sucked, call it a night and not have to worry about anything, while still maintaining a squeaky clean image. Or so they think.

Now Spitzer is resigning from his office for having done something illegal that really had nothing to do with being governor. He's resigning because of how he portrayed himself, and the standards he held himself to in front of the cameras. He (and 4 out of 5 New York City newspapers) feel he needs to resign—fine. But the real lesson here isn't don't cheat on your wife or pay for sex (especially when you're the "reform Governor"). The real lesson here is that no one is perfect. And no one should pretend to be. No matter how many times we learn this, we keep forgetting. Why do we continue to expect perfection from our leaders? And why do they keep pretending they're perfect? The most we can hope for is honesty, and integrity on the job. What politicians do in and around their marital beds is really none of our business.

In our experience, the more perfect someone seems, the more they're hiding. If Spitzer had been cheating on his wife with some random, and not paid for sex, he'd get a slap on the wrist from the media and keep his job. Hell, he could have even kept a mistress. How quickly we forget politicians' marital transgressions when they sleep with interns or lobbyists. Or like Scanner Katie suggested Tuesday, maybe he should have tried to legalize and regulate prostitution while he was still thought of as the governor, and not as a punch line. But neither would have left him looking like New York State's Golden Boy.

Maybe that's why we're so attracted to bad boys. We already know they're bad, so what could they be hiding? That they knit or bake cookies? Show us a man who wants to legalize prostitution, is forthcoming with his imperfections and transgressions, and secretly knits hats. We'll sleep with him and vote for him.

Image via observer.com

Snooping: Do You Do It?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 20:18:00 GMT

iVillage is doing a series on women who snoop on their boyfriends and what, if anything, they find out from their spelunking. (Guys, are you really this dumb that you give away your affairs by constantly writing on your ex's Facebook Wall? Or that you take naked photos of your ex to work with you? Actually, on behalf of guys everywhere, yes, we are.)

By the way, we hope some guys comment on their own snooping, lest we start to think iVillage is sexist and that only women can go to extremes.

Seriously, ladies, speaking on behalf of gentlemen everywhere, if you find yourself doing any of the following, it's time to a) dump his ass and get to a better place with yourself or b) just DTMA! Seriously.

I recently saw on his Facebook that [his ex] is constantly messaging him and writing on his wall, poking him nonstop. They talk on MSN often, probably even more than we talk. I decided to check his conversation history on MSN between them…They have very in-depth conversations about how life could've been for them, and that if they could go back in time to that one day...
I installed spyware on my home computer to find his email password. His email led to my discovery that he was seeing two other women while living with me.
I tried a GPS tracker, and that showed me one time that his car was parked at a deli for three hours.

Listen to yourself-- you are installing a stalking device on your lover's car to find out where he goes, when, and for how long... dump. the. motherfucker. already.

For more painful memories, click here. And guys, don't forget, do you snoop? Fess up, in the comments.

[Photo: Mad Magazine]