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While You Were Sleeping: Sexually Incriminating Information

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 12 May 2009 15:17:00 GMT

Now you know why we voted for him (at least in part): Obama is redirecting all of the abstinence-only money, some $138 million, to the actually-effective methods of sex ed.

Agree with almost every word of this list of the thirteen people/things that ruined it for everyone else, although Jersey could only have been helped by a show as great as the Sopranos.

Fleshbot makes a case for those Rihanna photos-- the ones her people are so upset about-- being fakes.

Susan Boyle did Oprah-- is she ever going to sing another song or just wave to photographers and do sparse interviews? She also turned down a makeover.

An Iraqi journalist who isn't exactly on board with the Palin campaign met with the Governor yesterday and said only that her voice was "annoying in person."

The adorable fawn and bobcat seen above are best buds after being rescued from the Santa Barbara wildfire. Ellen Degeneres and others are raising money for the animal rescue efforts, which are already overwhelmed with the number of cases.

Figleaf's Real Adult Sex has some good advice for those-- including, possibly, Rihanna-- who were the victims of someone "posting 'sexually incriminating' information against their will."

And Florida Gov. Charlie Crist, who is apparently outed with a slew of evidence in a new film released over the weekend, announced he will run for Senate.

While You Were Sleeping: Mel Gibson Is In Trouble Now

PA DA Threatening to Jail 11-Year-Olds For Sexting

While You Were Sleeping: Teacher Sex Never Gets Old

Desperate Housewife Calls in the Cops in Nude Photo Blog War

This Week in Gayness: Gotta Love Them Bathhouses

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 15:37:00 GMT

For the ten millionth time in a row, research suggests being gay is not a choice.

Have you heard about the Day Without a Gay? No, it's not some Fred Phelps extraordinary rendition program, it's a pro-gay event on December 10th in which gay people will not participate in the economy.

Next Friday, possibly-gay Florida Governor Charlie Crist is getting married. So, in light of the recent statewide amendment banning same-sex marriage, pro-gay advocates are going to protest and possibly even invade the wedding itself.

We're surprised Michael Phelps went along with A Very Gay 60 Minutes, but he's always been, you know, a good sport. [Watch here]

Linda Harvey is a scary bitch:

"Males need to stop having homosexual sex," said Harvey. "That means, close homosexual hang-outs, especially all bathhouses. Patrol public parks and arrest men having sex in public toilets. Stop sponsoring large public events, like Folsom Street Fair, that allow public sex and nudity. Ignore the screams of the homosexual lobby when officials do the right thing, even for them. Think of the lives that would be saved and disability prevented." [G-A-Y]

If you're a church that financially supported Prop 8, you may be saying goodbye to your tax-exempt status. Yeah, like the government is going to fuck with the churches.

And don't forget Milk is out in theaters, getting excellent reviews.

This Week In Gayness: Rise Above The Hate

Top 3 Reasons "Twilight" Isn't Cool…or Sexy... or Worth Your $10

eHarmony, Let The Gays Begin!

Top 5 Lesbian Sex Scenes - the Sequel

While You Were Sleeping: The Gyllenhaal Divorce

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 14:01:00 GMT

This week, we're blogging from a quiet beach near Clearwater, Florida... so your news will be a bit more Southern and probably a lot weirder...

The government will finally bail out the public, thanks to up to $800 billion in money being directed toward allowing for more loans to consumers. Great, just what we need, more debt.

There's nothing worse than getting busted for being involved in prostitution and having your face plastered all over the local media. Actually, we take that back: there's nothing worse than getting busted for prostitution and having your face plastered all over the world, plus admit to dating a much, much older doorman who won the lottery and buys you expensive things. Yeah, that will go over well with your childhood community overseas.

Kristen Johnston, who took it off for-- what else-- PETA. And she, uh, mounted a house for the shoot...

Cancer is on the decline in the U.S. for the first time in our history. However, some naysayers are saying that the amount of people being screened has fallen as well...

We were a little surprised to see Republican Governor Charlie Crist talking "new taxes" in the paper here yesterday. Of course, the top story today? "Gov. Charlie Crist backs off both [tackling a foreclosure freeze and a cigarette tax] after talking to representatives of the banking and tobacco industries." What a whimp.

Even some elected officials were stumped by this challenging US history and government quiz.

One Florida neighborhood's concoction of choice this Thanksgiving? The Molotov cocktail, of course.

How great does Beyonce look as Etta James?

And Maggie and Jake Gyllenhaal's parents are involved in a nasty divorce after 32 years of marriage. Mom is about to go bankrupt thanks to Dad not paying his share of their bills... won't someone think of the children(s' careers)?

Some unlinked stories via The St. Petersburg Times.

Related:

The Second Life Divorce Gets Funnier After The Split

Sex Crimes Prosecutor Charged With Twelve, Count 'Em, Twelve Sex Crimes

While You Were Sleeping: 93% Prefer Real Boobs

Merry Christmas... From the KKK?

Sloppy Seconds: Prostitution Is Now Rape in the U.K.?

While You Were Sleeping: What Men Think Women Think Men Want

Hot or Not: Lingerie Football League?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 16:34:00 GMT

In a move that team owners are calling "True Fantasy Football," some burly middle-aged guys think they have unleashed the greatest new sport.

Forget the XFL. Forget Arena Football or even boring College Football. (We have.) The real threat to the NFL's stranglehold on the pigskin is a gimmick that combines dreaming about Victoria's Secret models and the other favorite male pastime: watching football on your fat ass...

Perhaps you heard about the Lingerie Bowl, taking place as a sort of alternative halftime show near the stadiums where the Super Bowl is held? Well, apparently, the virus is spreading... the LFL (as it may or may not be called in shorthand) has turned itself into a full-on league, with ten franchise teams and a major Lingerie Bowl in Tampa next year. As if Florida is in enough danger from criminals who host yard sales consisting of electronics they stole from their next door neighbors, a closeted homosexual Republican governor who pretends to be getting married, hurricanes, butterfly ballots, and a flooded coastline, they now have lingerie-clad football players helping usher in the apocalypse.

Then again, if this is what the apocalypse looks like, there's a soundbite that George W. Bush once stole from a Kirsten Dunst movie that we think might be appropriate here...

Some images via The Superficial, most of the bad ones via the actual LFL site.

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: Eva Longoria's Lingerie Past

Making Stripteases A Cinch: Dita Von Teese Shills For Wonderbra

Scanner Highs And Lows: Battle of the Sexies

While You Were Sleeping: The Pregnant Lady Lingerie Controversy

Scanner Highs And Lows: Nudie Shoot City

Welcome To The Wonderful World Of Naked Rugby

While You Were Sleeping: Ciara's Naked Vibe Cover

This Week In Gayness: Sean Penn's Next Movie

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 15:34:00 GMT

A lesbian wedding announcement in a Utah paper is causing a (small) stink in the conservative state.

About.com wonders what will happen if Proposition 8 passes, thus banning gay marriage in California.

Only 64% of gay people have come out to a family member, but 80% of gays would like to integrate suburbia.

Local bigots (or pranksters) have defaced a married lesbian couple's Pride flag in California and the police refuse to help put a stop to the destruction.

Barack Obama supports LGBT adoptions. Meanwhile, Charlie Crist, the possible VP choice for McCain and the current Governor of Florida, has said he would likely support a gay marriage ban there.

The latest scientific experiment to prevent HIV transmissions: a pill to be popped just before sex.

As we mentioned yesterday, Sean Penn stars as Harvey Milk in the new Gus Van Sant movie. Will you go see it?

[It's] set to be released on December 5.

Penn definitely has the look for the part and since his stellar Mystic River performance, we know he can deliver the drama. But can Van Sant and his powerhouse ensemble (Josh Brolin, James Franco, Diego Luna, Emile Hirsch and Denis O'Hare) pull off a feature film that's able to honor the late Harvey Milk and keep us in our seats for double hours?

Poll: Will you see Milk?
1) Definitely 2) Maybe 3) Not Interested

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: James Franco and Sean Penn Go At It

While You Were Sleeping: The New Robin Hood Movie

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 12:59:00 GMT

How Do I Find My G-Spot? and other eternal questions are on i-Village today.

Are you under 13 (and somehow getting away with reading Nerve? You rule!) Then join Club Penguin, the social network site for (pre-)teenyboppers.

It doesn't have a hope in hell of being a true fact, but would it be great if Johnny Depp was cast for this role in the next Batman movie?

..the Riddler?

Headline of the day: Twinsburg police: Scuffle with nude man leads to bomb scare at gas station

The anthrax researcher who may have been harassed by the FBI after the 2001 attacks has killed himself, sources say.

Charlie Crist may be off John McCain's VP list. Too bad for Obama supporters, as a Crist gay scandal would surely have surfaced in October.

Lesbians from New York were in the first wave of out-of-state couples to be married by the Governor of Massachusetts after thenew law passed. Bonus: they have an 11 year old girl. Let's have one on all of them tonight.

Maggie Gyllenhaal wants you to make a video for her. Unfortunately for her, it's not that kind of video.

Talk about egomania and director dementia: the new Robin Hood film starring Russell Crowe as a badass/kind-of-good-guy Sheriff of Nottingham has been delayed because the leaves in the forest are the wrong color. Dudes, it doesn't have to be historically accurate-- Robin Hood wasn't real!

Related:

Spank Me/It: The Nastiest Sex Scenes Ever

Sloppy Seconds: Lindsay Lohan's Commitment Ring

Charlie Crist's "Sex Tape" Could Land Him The Vice-Presidency

Johnny Depp and His Penis Will Not Be Shilling Trojans

We Saw The Dark Knight In A Cavernous Movie Theater, During The Dead Of Night

The Wit and Wisdom of John McCain

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 19:01:00 GMT

Your Friday funnies... a look back at the funniest things John McCain has ever said:

Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly? Because her father is Janet Reno. [1998]
"The nice thing about Alzheimer's is you get to hide your own Easter eggs." [1999]
"Did you hear the one about the woman who is attacked on the street by a gorilla, beaten senseless, raped repeatedly and left to die? When she finally regains consciousness and tries to speak, her doctor leans over to hear her sigh contently and to feebly ask, ‘Where is that marvelous ape?'" [1986]
"The French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who is still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it," McCain told Fox News a few years ago.
...he — in jest — referred to a young man who asked about his age as "you little jerk," before telling him, "You're drafted." [2008]
McCain was also recently condemned by the government of Iran for suggesting that increasing U.S. cigarette sales to Iran could be "a way of killing 'em." [2008]
[Charlie Crist, on how much persistent McCain was] “Well, not that much,” Crist began answering. “It was just waterboarding,” McCain interjected. [2008]

Did we miss any? Well, no matter what, this guy has better comic timing than Bush... or Barack Obama. We're just not certain he's helping his campaign by weilding it...

Via Politico and various other sources.

Top 5 Things McCain Should Do Now

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 18:00:00 GMT

John McCain, who will be President from 2009-2009, is running an insurgent campaign against the forces of Barack Hussein Obama, scion of the Royal Husseins of 9/11-loving Iraq. The man was "Rescue Dawn" before Herzog stole his life story. Hell, he was Chuck Norris before "Missing in Action," punk.

And that's why John McCain will destroy Barack with a IED strike on his anti-American church compound... or, at least, use this five tried and true Republican tactics to misinform the public and seize the election from the Democrats...

5. The Iraq War continues to fade from public view. It's already happening, thanks to a slew of positive news for the first time in our five year hostile takeover.

4. Cindy McCain is given her meds and locked in a dungeon in one of her 38 mansions, while Johnny and crew are out calling pauper Barack an "elitist trillionaire."

3. Play the race card against Obama. In fact, McCain is already taking the Bill Clinton-in-South-Carolina style of campaigning to heart.

2. Swift Boat the shit out of the Democrat. 2004 proved the media and the public are willing to let a group of Republican hacks and phonies run a decorated Veteran, whose story was backed by witnesses who were actually there, straight into the political ground. You don't think they're going to get away with it this time, with a guy whose patriotism, experience, and expertise has already been under heavy fire?

1. Pick Charlie Crist or any other swing state Governor to join the ticket. (Bonus points if the Obama picks a Democrat with high national negatives who will likely GOTV for the Republican base, such as... well, you know who.)

DISCLAIMER: Before anyone gets all uppity about this, especially #3, remember that we don't actually want McCain to do any of these things, but just that he will if he's going to win...

Previously: Top 5 Things Obama Should Do Now.

Charlie Crist's "Sex Tape" Could Land Him The Vice-Presidency

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 29 May 2008 16:56:00 GMT

Florida Gov. Charlie Crist, long rumored to be a closeted homosexual, is about to have his true sexual orientation outed by Nixon dirty trickster Roger Stone, who claims to have video surveillance of the newest "Love Gov" and friend on a late-night elevator ride...

Crist is without a doubt the frontrunner for the Republican Vice Presidential nomination after helping John McCain sneaked past second choice Mitt Romney in Florida. However, he is single and therefore a potential liability to the Family Values party. Here's what Politics1, which broke this story, has to say about this "sex tape":

The video was seemingly staged to kill the rumors that Crist is gay. Stone claims the tape -- which he discussed recently with Politics1, but didn't show to us ("I'm saving it for the national shows") -- "shows Charlie fooling around in a hotel elevator with his girlfriend."
Stone just conveniently happens to have a copy of the hotel's elevator surveillance tape, just when Crist's name is in play for the VP spot. Hmm. As for Crist's purported girlfriend -- [pictured above -- Ed.] presuming it is the same one he took as his date to the White House Correspondents Dinner in DC a few weeks ago -- she's still married (and not to Crist). Disclaimer: Always be skeptical of anything from Stone.

Via Politics1.

Scanner : charlie crist

While You Were Sleeping: Sexually Incriminating Information

Live! Nude! Old! Girls!

While You Were Sleeping: Mel Gibson Is In Trouble Now

PA DA Threatening to Jail 11-Year-Olds For Sexting

While You Were Sleeping: Teacher Sex Never Gets Old

Desperate Housewife Calls in the Cops in Nude Photo Blog War

This Week in Gayness: Gotta Love Them Bathhouses

Thousands of Naked Japanese Men Reach For the Big Stick

This Week In Gayness: Rise Above The Hate

Top 3 Reasons "Twilight" Isn't Cool…or Sexy... or Worth Your $10

eHarmony, Let The Gays Begin!

Top 5 Lesbian Sex Scenes - the Sequel

While You Were Sleeping: The Gyllenhaal Divorce

The Second Life Divorce Gets Funnier After The Split

Sex Crimes Prosecutor Charged With Twelve, Count 'Em, Twelve Sex Crimes

While You Were Sleeping: 93% Prefer Real Boobs

Merry Christmas... From the KKK?

Sloppy Seconds: Prostitution Is Now Rape in the U.K.?

While You Were Sleeping: What Men Think Women Think Men Want

Hot or Not: Lingerie Football League?

Sloppy Seconds: Eva Longoria's Lingerie Past

Making Stripteases A Cinch: Dita Von Teese Shills For Wonderbra

Scanner Highs And Lows: Battle of the Sexies

While You Were Sleeping: The Pregnant Lady Lingerie Controversy

Scanner Highs And Lows: Nudie Shoot City

Welcome To The Wonderful World Of Naked Rugby

While You Were Sleeping: Ciara's Naked Vibe Cover

This Week In Gayness: Sean Penn's Next Movie

While You Were Sleeping: James Franco and Sean Penn Go At It

While You Were Sleeping: The New Robin Hood Movie

Spank Me/It: The Nastiest Sex Scenes Ever

Sloppy Seconds: Lindsay Lohan's Commitment Ring

Charlie Crist's "Sex Tape" Could Land Him The Vice-Presidency

Johnny Depp and His Penis Will Not Be Shilling Trojans

We Saw The Dark Knight In A Cavernous Movie Theater, During The Dead Of Night

The Wit and Wisdom of John McCain

Top 5 Things McCain Should Do Now

Charlie Crist's "Sex Tape" Could Land Him The Vice-Presidency