Scanner : celebrities

PETA's Insane Sexiest Vegetarian Alive Voting

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 15 May 2009 15:37:00 GMT

The People For the Ethical Treatment of Tasty Animals, already riding a small wave of publicity from its Sexiest Vegetarian Next Door (read: "nobody activists") competition, has decided to steal a page from People Magazine and follow-up with The Sexiest Vegetarian Alive (read: "celebrities.")

We're pretty sure that they nominated, um, every single vegetarian in Hollywood...

See what we mean at this link. The lists, separated by gender, are far too epic to reproduce here. We've narrowed it down for you, with our favorites, with some tasty photo spreads to help ya out...

The Women:
Alyssa Milano

Bryce Dallas Howard
Christie Brinkley
Cloris Leachman
Emmy Rossum

Erykah Badu

Hayden Panettiere
Jenna Jameson (!)
Kristen Wiig
Thora Birch

The Men:
Alec Baldwin
Anthony Kiedis
Casey Affleck

Forest Whitaker
Jared Leto
Kevin Bacon
Leonard Nimoy
Morrissey
Prince

Thom Yorke
Tobey Maguire

And just so you know: as of this writing, Kevin Bacon's leading everyone. Hot damn, who'da thunk it? (Last year, the winner was Anthony Kiedis, which was indeed a surprise to us.)

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Maxim's Ten Sexiest Women of 2009

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 13 May 2009 20:01:00 GMT

It's that time of the year again, apparently: publicists have bribed, starlets have stripped, dudes have drooled, and Maxim men have spoken: the 100 sexiest women of the year, as voted by guys who equate skankiness with sex appeal, are here for your leering amusement...

10. Jennifer Love Hewitt. Just a few weeks ago, it seems, men were dissing The Ghost Whisperer for her "cellulite thighs." Ah, but how quickly does Photoshop make one forget...

9. Jordana Brewster. She was in the recent Fast & Furious blockbuster sensation. Yep... moving on...

8. Rihanna. Here's a woman we go back and forth on all the time. While she's arguably very sexy at time, we were in a Best Buy recently and caught a live DVD of hers on one of the monitors. Besides Britney Spears, we've never seen a pop star perform so lifelessly and in fitting tribute to how awful her manufactured music is. She could've at least pretended those songs would stand the tests of time...

7. Adriana Lima. The writers don't help their cause by calling Lima hotter than Gisele Bundchen, her Brazillian/Victoria's Secret counterpart. Lima is one hot mama, but you'd have to be crazy to think anyone can compete with Gisele, arguably the last of the supermodels.

6. Eliza Dushku. We predicted, what with the relatively inexplicable press she gets from these men's magazines, Dushku would've topped this year's charts. Guess Dollhouse is going to get canceled after all...

5. Mila Kunis. Here's one we can get behind-- not in that way, sicko. When Kunis stepped away from the shadows of That 70's Show, she was reborn as full-blown, modern-day sex bomb with more than half-a-brain. Thank God, because her sex appeal as the dumpy dippy hippie chick on That Show was a bit overrated...

4. Malin Akerman. Another wise choice, although we much prefered the Watchmen star with the Uma Thurman-in-Pulp Fiction dark 'do.

3. Bar Rafaeli. Without question, Leonardo DiCaprio's paramour (seen at the top of this post) is the breakout modeling sensation of 2009. In just the last five months, she's graced the cover of The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Calendar, created one fake "cheating" scandal, and landed in the top 3 of Maxim's countdown, all without a single mainstream media interview or mention in an SNL skit. However, we're predicting she's a token choice, to be replaced next year by the next manufactured sensation.

2. Megan Fox. You knew last year's #1 would be this year's #2-- that's just the way it goes... they wouldn't sell any magazines if it was the same old used-up 18-year-old every time, right? (Kidding.) Obviously, the polls closed prior to yesterday's announcement that Fox has officially called herself "bi-sexual," as that might have skewed the vote from that, uh, demographic.

1. Olivia Wilde. "The pulse-quickening internist played by Olivia Wilde on House, M.D. is named Thirteen (which we presume is out of 10) and has a terminal illness that causes her to dabble in drugs and casual sex." Maxim then tries to make a case that "ah, we see her first!" by citing a series of walk-on roles in shows like The O.C. They should have used her real name to excite themselves over instead: "Olivia Jane Cockburn." By the way, believe it or not, but Wilde is only 25 years old-- doesn't she look much more mature, in a good way, of course?

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These Claire Danes Nipple Slips Make Up For A Lack of Quality Nipple Slips This Week

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 08 May 2009 17:05:00 GMT

We read you loud and clear-- you couldn't find Goldie Hawn's nipples in close up. Hell, you didn't see Sasha Grey's boobs in two posts with her nipples in them. Obviously, someone is using Netscape Navigator or some other image-blurring browser that hates Scanner and boobs.

Thankfully, Claire Danes stepped up to the plate the other day and delivered a very obvious nipple. And in case you didn't see that-- she sure as hell didn't-- we bring you her Greatest Hits...

Remember to click on the photo for a new window/tab, then enlarge by clicking on it...

And her greatest hits-- two moments from an MTV interview a few years back. Happy now, whiners?

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Happy National Cleavage Day

Megan Fox Strips to Underwear for Esquire, Fancy New Camera

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 07 May 2009 18:52:00 GMT

Megan Fox doesn't have anything to promote these days, but that never stops "gentleman rags" from running hot photos of her in an effort to "boost" their "circulation."

This time, however, her appearance on the cover of Esquire, and subsequent shots of her in her underwear, have something to do with Fox's promotion of the semi-new Red Cameras...

Here's what Esquire had to say about using the RedONE on this shoot:

For the first time in Esquire's history (and, we imagine, magazine history in general), a cover image was shot as a video. Using the RedONE, a video camera that captures images at four times the resolution of high-definition, photographer-director Greg Williams recorded ten minutes of loosely scripted footage with Fox — getting out of bed, rolling around on a pool chair, inexplicably lighting a barbecue. "It allowed her to act," Williams says. "She could run scenes without being reminded by the sound of a shutter every four seconds that I was taking a picture. As in still photography, a lot of it is capturing unexpected moments. This takes that one step further."

This, by the way, is the same camera that Che, Angels and Demons, and My Bloody Valentine 3D were shot with. It is rather revolutionary... despite the conventional use of Megan Fox to promote it.

Via Esquire-- these photos will be available on May 10th on newsstands everywhere.

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PA DA Threatening to Jail 11-Year-Olds For Sexting

Mel Gibson's Mistress Begins the Obligatory Photo Leak Phase of Her Stardom

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 21:33:00 GMT

Who is Oksana Pochepa and why is she, of all the women in Mel Gibson's life since his 28-year-long marriage began, the one to break up his happy union?

According to ShowBizSpy:

Oksana Pochepa claims that she had a romantic relationship with the 53-year-old actor and has now fallen in love.
“This is serious and I hope that our union will be real and strong and long-lasting,” she told British tabloid The Sun.
Pochepa also confirmed that she is the mystery brunette photographed kissing Gibson on a Costa Rican beach in March.
And according to Us Weekly, Gibson met Oksana last August when she was hired to compose a song for the actor’s upcoming thriller Edge of Darkness.

Wait, she's so big that American film producers asked her, a young Russian pinup, to compose a song for their major Hollywood blockbuster? Something's fishy about her story, and we won't know until either a) Mel Gibson breaks his silence or b) the men with butterfly nets take her off to a secret KGB warehouse for brainwashing. No?

By the way, based on these photos alone, would she be able to break up your marriage?

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Why Marisa Tomei Finally Went Naked

We Finally Figured Out Why Marilyn Manson Dumped Dita Von Teese...

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 18:33:00 GMT

For a long time, we thought Marilyn Manson was crazy for dumping his new wife, Dita Von Teese (Dita Von TEESE, for God's sake!) for some teenage actress named Evan Rachel Wood. Wood, we thought, wasn't even the femme fatale type, while Von Teese is practically the textbook definition. Then again, it's our own fault for not realizing Marilyn Manson was crazy beforehand.

Now comes word that a) Marilyn Manson has apologized to Von Teese for leaving her in the lurch and b) has gotten back together with his onetime flame. Wood, meanwhile, is moving rapidly toward stardom thanks to the new Woody Allen movie and this GQ photo spread...

Despite her breakout roles in mainstream movies like The Wrestler and scandal-free lifestyle, she still scares the crap out of us. (In her GQ interview, she laments the loss of her pet rats.) After all,

this is the girl who, at age 19, shot a blood-spattered sex scene with her boyfriend, Marilyn Manson, for one of his rock videos.
More recently, she was linked with her Wrestler co-star, the 56-year-old Mickey Rourke. “There was no truth to it, and it was so annoying,” says Wood, now 21, who is back with Manson after “taking some time” away from the relationship. Of Rourke, she says: “The friendship was intimate and nice, and this makes it weird.”

Via GQ.

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Sloppy Seconds: Angelina Jolie Pregnant Again

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 22:00:00 GMT

Any interest in auditioning for Puppetry of the Penis? We know a few Scanner bloggers who would attend your opening night performance...

In a stunning upset, Rascal Flatts topped Miley Cyrus on this week's Billboard album charts.

Why was a 25-year-old woman having sex with an 83-year-old man in the parking lot of a Wal-Mart? Nevermind, we'd rather not find out.

Believe it or not, there is a code of conduct for the crazy Mexican drug lords doing all that shooting.

Larry David on Woody Allen, and Woody Allen on Larry David makes for interesting reading for film buffs.

We hope Megan Fox wakes up one day soon and realizes this Brian Austin Greene character is about as cool as New Kids on the Block.

That Bruce Springsteen affair story just won't die.

Barack Obama got naked in Boston-- in a way.

And baby makes seven... not counting its parents, of course: Angelina Jolie is apparently ten weeks pregnant, according to unconfirmed reports.

Aging Gracefully Like Sophia Loren

PETA Names the Sexiest Vegetarian Next Door...

Missouri Legislators Try to Create the Crime of "Coercing an Abortion"

Seattle About To Enjoy Wave of Segway Strippers

B-List British Celebrities Finally Realizing Fake Boobs Won't Help Anything

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 16:31:00 GMT

The Sun and The Daily Mail are competing today, as always, over who has the better stor(ies) about Grade-Z reality show stars with breast implants.

One thing everyone seems to agree on is that the tide has turned against gigantic boobs on the isle across the pond...

We reported earlier on B-list model Kerry Katona having her implants removed for a charitable eBay auction. Now comes the story of Chantelle Houghton, a former contestant on Celebrity Big Brother (why she was considered a celebrity before the show, we're not entirely sure), broke out from the show when she underwent a makeover, divorce, and boob job all in a row. Now, she says, maybe that wasn't the world's greatest plan:

'They're just too big. Now I just want to hide them. I thought I wanted to go up to that size and I loved them at the time, but now I wish I'd never had them done.'
'I'm very bad at making decisions and I just change my mind really quickly, so I do regret it now. Looking back, I did it for the attention. I realise it was a cry for help.'
She now visits a physio twice a week for back pain caused by the heavy implants.
She has said: 'They're taking over my life.'

Meanwhile, singer Michelle Heaton skipped the boob job, but kept the makeover and divorce, and is now the darling of all British tabloids. Could this headlining story today-- which was about a simple photo shoot spoofing Cindy Crawford's recent Allure spread-- be a sign of things to come for Britain?

The former Liberty X singer - ever the publicity-lover - slipped into a midriff-baring cut-out swimsuit and energetically tore up a loaf of white bread in an effort to recreate the supermodel's latest photoshoot which appeared in Allure magazine last month.
Michelle is apparently enjoying a new burst of confidence after losing two stone on a strict no-carb diet and is eager to show off the results.

Before you get all excited that Britain is now into healthy body images, check out this ad series from fake-boobed Lucy Pinder. These have been playing again recently and are still sweeping the nation...

Via the Daily Mail: here and here.

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Sloppy Seconds: Michelle Obama Does the Unthinkable

Emily Farris — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 22:41:00 GMT

MSNBC has finally discovered fuck buddies. And that college students have them. [MSNBC]

Will items off of the Chipotle value menu have fewer calories? We sure hope so. [Yahoo!]

We always wonder why people who spend lots of money to have signs, boxes, etc. printed don't get copy editors. An Oregon company probably could have used one before printing a phone sex number on their cereal box. [Google/AP]

Starting next month, same-sex couples can be legally married in Sweden. [BBC]

More "celebrities" blogging about their relationship woes. Meh. [People]

Madonna is already celebrating the adoption of a child she has not yet officially adopted. [Us]

A man in China swallowed a pair of scissors. And survived! [Telegraph]

For the first time in 57 years, the Queen of England publicly hugged someone (sort-of). And that someone was Michelle Obama. And then Obama hugged the Queen back (sort-of)! Apparently, this is a big deal. [DailyMail]

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Emily Farris — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 15:04:00 GMT

[Image]

Sloppy Seconds: Crazy Baby Lady Holds Out, Won't Put Out

Emily Farris — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 23:01:00 GMT

A 15-year-old student in Florida has been suspended from school for three days because he farted on the bus. [Inquisitr]

Oh, Jesus. Some dude wants to make babies with "angel princess" Paris Hilton. [FadedYouth]

We were sort-of excited (okay, really excited) about "Lesbian Vampire Killers" until we read this: "The lesbian vampire queen, who is in fact the only one of the vampires who seems to genuinely be a lesbian rather than just a generally lusty vampire, can only be killed with the sword. It's a subtle moment, so let's rephrase: The lesbian curse is only lifted when the lesbian is penetrated by the cock sword." [Vulture]

Isaiah Washinton, who was fired from the cast of Grey's Anatomy in 2007 for making a gay slur at co-star T.R. Knight (who had not yet come out of the closet) is facing eviction from his Venice home. [Us]

Contrary to earlier reports, Katy Perry and Josh Groban are not dating. People everywhere continue to not care. [People]

Crazy Baby Lady Nadya Suleman still has not accepted any offers to do porn or any offers to do reality shows featuring Vivid girls. (P.S. Thems not enuf diapers.) [The Frisky]

While You Were Sleeping: Drunk Breastfeeding

[Image]

Rolling Stone Turns to Gossip Girl to Remain Semi-Relevant

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 18:35:00 GMT

Rolling Stone is desperate to stay afloat. This is not news. They reduced the size of their magazines to cut production costs, featured Barack Obama (America's #1 celebrity!) on its cover, and generally tried to appease the again hippies that still subscribe while attracting lame Britney Spears fans that dominate the culture.

This month, Blake Lively, Leighton Meester, and the rest of the Gossip Gals are featured on the cover and are interviewed in the most tiresome fashion ("get the dirt on what it’s like starring as beautiful young people in New York while being beautiful young people in New York.")

The photo shoot, though, is at least the usual skanky jamboree...

Here are our favorite excerpts from the excerpts of the forthcoming article:

“No one’s going to accuse Gossip Girl of being The Wire or Mad Men, but if you roll with the fantasy/absurdity, it’s fun to watch, from the infighting to the insane clothes and snappy dialogue.”
“They’ve all reached the point where they’re in the public eye, but they’re not rolling around in blacked-out SUVs or being chased around like Madonna. A lot of them take the subway and they still complain about the price of rents and monthly car parking,” Gay reveals. “They’re in a nice place in their careers. They’re now recognizable enough to get interest for other things, but not so recognizable that daily life is a drag.”

Bummer, dudes. Check out the rest here.

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Zac Efron Mud Wrestles A Nude Model

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 16:36:00 GMT

High School Musical star Zac Efron is waiting for his Bigger Break.

The 21-year-old star of three blockbuster Disney films has yet to make the mainstream leap. As he tells Gus Van Sant in this Interview interview, he doubts most big shot directors have even heard of him-- although "their daughters might."

VAN SANT: Is your schedule today really tight?

EFRON: Not today. I’m not really doing anything. I’m looking at some furniture, because I just got a new place, so I’m figuring out if I want this desk. I’m sitting at it right now. It’s a vintage Herman Miller desk from, like, 1940-something. I don’t know . . . I’m just deciding if I’m going to want it in my house, or if I’m just going to completely wreck it. [laughs] Herman Miller’s stuff is really, really modern, but they have some pretty brilliant designs. [Ed note: Herman Miller is credited with inventing the office cubicle.] I’m sitting at this desk, and it’s the most well-built thing I’ve ever sat at . . . It’s a beautiful piece. It’s got this amazing wood grain that I’ve never seen in any piece of furniture. It’s also a little pricey . . .

This could end up being an enlightening interview-- after all, how many celebrities expound on the merits of Herman Miller's work?

[On new movie 17 Again] At the time, it was the most unique opportunity that presented itself. There were several roles that I could have done where I would have played essentially another high school student, or they were romances or stories in a high school setting, and there were lots of things that people wanted to turn into musicals. But the whole idea of playing a 37-year-old guy as a 17-year-old was just the most exciting prospect for me. I was really intrigued by the idea. I’ve always been kind of an old man, so to speak.

Unfortunately, Efron still can't get no respect. All anyone wants to talk about is this photo:

Here's the flash of the session. Hmm... wonder what Vanessa Hudgens is up to these days...

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Famous Last Words

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 17:20:00 GMT

Why is it that celebrities are able to muster more creative energy than they've had in years to consistently utter their unforgettable last words?

Take, for example, the curious case of Dylan Thomas, poet, raconteur, and mainly raconteur who drank himself to death via shots of whiskey at New York City's White Horse Tavern before staggering back to the Chelsea Hotel, more than a dozen blocks later, and collapsing in its now-famous lobby. His immortal last words?

"Eighteen whiskeys... that must be some sort of a record."

Of course, the reason that all these famous last words are so, well, famous is that they are exaggerated and that the circumstances surrounding them are mostly unsubstantiated myths.

Here's what really happened to Dylan Thomas... according to Wikipedia, of course:

Thomas.. said that we was feeling awful and asked to take a "rain-check". He did however accompany Liz to the White Horse for a few beers. Feeling sick he again returned to the hotel.

[Dr.] Feltenstein came to see him three times that day, on the third call prescribing morphine. This seriously affected Dylan's breathing. At midnight on November 4/5, his breathing became more difficult and his face turned blue.

By 1:58 am Thomas had been admitted to the emergency ward at nearby St Vincent’s, by which time he was profoundly comatose. The doctors on duty found bronchitis in all parts of his bronchial tree, both left and right sides. An X-ray showed pneumonia... and Thomas died on November 9.

Here's where the myths started:

During an incident on 3 November 1953, Thomas returned to the Chelsea Hotel in New York, from the White Horse Tavern and exclaimed, "I've had eighteen straight whiskies, I think that is a record." However, the barman and the owner of the pub who served Thomas at the time, later told Ruthven Todd, that Thomas couldn't have imbibed more than half that amount, after Todd decided to find out.

Despite shattering that myth, here's a set of famous last words that have stood the test of time. If we're half this witty when the time comes, we must've done something right in life:

Friends applaud, the comedy is finished.
-Beethoven, died in 1827

I should never have switched from Scotch to Martinis.
-Bogart, 1957

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
-Pancho Villa, 1923
I know you have come to kill me. Shoot, coward. You are only going to kill a man.
-Ernesto "Che" Guevara, 1967
How were the receipts today at Madison Square Garden?
-P.T. Barnum, 1891
Codeine . . . bourbon.
-Tallulah Bankhead, 1968
Either that wallpaper goes, or I do.
-Oscar Wilde, 1900

But our favorite famous last words are those of former US President John Adams, who died on July 4, 1826. His bitter rivalry with Thomas Jefferson (the POTUS #3 to his POTUS #2) continued to his dying day, upon which Adams muttered, "And Thomas Jefferson still survives." As it turns out, Jefferson had actually died earlier that day, but Adams did not learn this before passing on.

Jefferson's last words? "Is it the Fourth?"

Related:

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Today in the Apocalypse: 17-Year-Old MADD Volunteer Hosts Quiet Gathering...

James Franco Is Sleeping His Way Through Grad School

Ina Maier — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 21:27:00 GMT

And we've got the photos to prove it...

[via]

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Britney Spears Suffers From A Vagina Slip

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 19:19:00 GMT

The Britney Spears Concert Experience has always come off as a lame run-through of music that was immediately disposable, masked by "sexy" dancers and Kiss-inspired pyrotechnics. For all the "energy" Britney claims to have, it never translates publicly-- from lazy parenting to chewing gum with her mouth open and droning on about how great George Bush is, she can't seem to realize that people need to be impressed. That she isn't going to win over haters with her bad attitude and lack of enthusiasm for her own material should be obvious.

Those weaknesses are visible in this horrible concert performance from Tampa, Florida last night. At the end of "Slave 4 U" (lame, lame, lame), Brit appears to lose the bottom of her dress... according to the internet.

Starpulse and several other sources claim that at the end of this number (skip to the last ten seconds or so of the first clip), Britney's vagina popped out of her outfit... although we can't really see anything even when we blow the video up to fit the screen. UPDATE: Second clip doesn't confirm a slip, but does confirm what she said afterward:

[H]er leotard ripped, accidentally exposing her naked crotch to the audience.
The singer had just finished performing I'm A Slave 4 U and was being lowered beneath the stage when she revealed her costume blunder. Failing to realize her microphone as still on, she said, "My pussy was hanging out!" - causing the arena to erupt in laughter. But she refused to let the mishap hold up her set, with Spears completing her costume change and continuing on with the show. [Starpulse]

How do they know she wasn't talking to the audience? Just because she was being lowered down doesn't mean she thought her mic would be off. After all, this is Britney Spears we're talking about-- should we be surprised that she thought this revelation would be beneficial to the concert experience? Judging by her lackluster performance prior to the alleged slip, it shouldn't be any surprise that she doesn't really know what she's doing.

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This Whole Chris Brown and Rihanna Story Is Getting Sicker By The Day

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 18:46:00 GMT

One of the saddest celebrity relationship stories of all-time gets worse by the day. Yesterday, a tabloid published Rihanna's personal phone number, Chris Brown obtained a reprieve and... oh no... now there are strong rumors that the two may have gotten married in secret.

There must be something we can do to put a stop to the madness...

1) Defamer reported that Extra, in their published report on the Chris Brown search warrant, failed to properly and entirely redact the phone numbers included in the affidavit. Defamer called one of the numbers and got what appears to be Rihanna's voice on a voice mail. Great, just what this girl needs-- more people bothering her.

2) Yesterday, Brown appeared in court for his arraignment on two felonies but will not have to enter a (not) guilty plea until April 6th. TMZ speculates that the singer may try for a plea deal to make this case go away-- although, without Rihanna playing ball for them, the prosecution might have a tough time winning a jury trial against him. Later on, Chris went out partying with just his bodyguards, staying out until almost four o'clock in the morning. This guy just doesn't know what the hell he's doing, does he?

3) The blog Geno's World is as pissed about all this as we are. They, like many Rihanna fans and other observers, are pulling their hair out at the idea that Rihanna is sticking with this guy and may have even married him, as if that's going to help anything. He's clearly not going to learn how to behave by being rewarded with your devotion. Geno asked a convicted murderer what would happen to Chris Brown in prison... out of pure curiosity, of course. Of course.

"He better come prepared for some fun. That's all I gotta say. What do I mean? There's a lotta fellas here who love Rihanna and her music. They ain't too happy with what went down. I mean, you can't treat a princess like Rihanna like that. You gotta show some respect for a goddess like that. The guys here would love to show Chris how to really treat a woman. And you know what I mean, Chris would be the woman. That man is too damn pretty. He'd be very popular in here."

These words would be disturbing if we weren't not-so-secretly thrilled to hear them. Is that wrong?

Related:

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While You Were Sleeping: The Rihanna Nightmare Continues

PapSmeared: Lindsay Lohan "Maybe if I Hide Behind My Hand They Won't See Me"

Emily Farris — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 14:53:00 GMT

[Image]

These Celebrities Fell In Love With The Camera At An Early Age

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 14:49:00 GMT

Check out these hilariously awesome photos of little future celebs: one would grow up to be a kickass, kickboxing, bizarro-human, movie star freak of nature, and the other one is Jean-Claude Van Damme.

Here are a carefully cultivated half dozen childhood photos of the two-dozen-or-so pictures gracing some dude's delightful blog:

We also particularly revel in the glory that is George Clooney (age?) and Halle Berry (age also unknown.) Check them all out here.

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What Do Tina Fey and Megan Fox Have In Common?

Ina Maier — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 23:05:00 GMT

We never thought it would happen, but it's true. These two leading ladies have a very big something in common...

The answer? Men!

Turns out both Megan Fox and Tina Fey top the list of celebrity women most men would want to party with. According to an Asylum.com poll, Megan Fox eked out a lead with 40% of the vote, followed closely by Tina with 31%. The rest of the list, including Lindsay Lohan, Penelope Cruz, Kim Kardashian, and Paris Hilton, found themselves in the distant and dismal single digits.

We're pretty sure this just taught us more about men than 4 drunk years of college psych. And, well, college.

Megan Fox Is So Hot Right Now, GQ Can Just Recycle Her Photos Every Month

Megan Fox's Lesbian (Stripper) Love

When Tina Fey Was "Fat," Her Cups Runnethed Over

If Only Tina Fey Would Play Sarah Palin in the Forthcoming Porno

Rosario Dawson Will Never Stop Having to Discuss Her Sex Scenes

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 21:24:00 GMT

There's apparently something called T Magazine and Rosario Dawson did an interview for it a few weeks back.

In it, she discusses lesbian sex, being completely naked on screen, abortion, and the following sex scene...

That's from Alexander, the Oliver Stone film Dawson addresses in her T Mag interview:

The only sex scene I’ve done that caused a fuss was the one I did with Colin Farrell in ‘‘Alexander.’’ That scene was intense. I thought it was necessary to the movie — in life sometimes you’re naked. But it was not soft porny in any way, which would have been harder for me. My brother, who D.J.’s in a strip club, was relieved when he saw it. He said he was happy that I ‘‘was fit.’’ He didn’t want to be embarrassed around his friends.

Sorry, Rosario, but it's an Oliver Stone film-- it was definitely soft-porny.

She also discusses lesbian sex, her mother nearly having her aborted, and love scenes with Will Smith:

I didn’t have sex until was 20. I got into trouble at school because one of my friends said, ‘‘Lesbians do it with straws.’’ I said, ‘‘I can tell you how lesbians do it, and there are no straws involved!’’ But I think all that talk of sex put me off. The first time I had it, I think it was in a head-to-toe rubber. I was terrified of getting pregnant. My mom was planning to get an abortion when she was pregnant with me. She was at the clinic waiting for her appointment and she felt me move in her stomach. I always tell her it was probably gas. I thank God for gas.
Before our first major kiss, [Will Smith] said, ‘‘Let’s go — I’m going to nail this scene. I want to go home.’’ [Laughs] But he focused. Kissing can be more intimate than nudity. You have to take your time.

We don't know about that last one-- getting attacked by a horny Colin Farrell, trying to kill him, and then having full on-screen sex is pretty intimate. It almost made us embarrassed for having been so pleased to see her naked... almost.

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Top 5 Threesome Sex Scenes

Apparently, Olga Kurylenko Would Rather Be Naked

5 Men Who Look Better With Age

Colleen Kane — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 14:45:00 GMT

With this list of men and the upcoming list of women, we'll be looking at celebs who look better older than they did young. We're not talking about those who just aged well, but those who have defied the odds and improved. The key for both men and women seems to be dropping the baby fat from the face so it becomes more gaunt. So that's the secret to increased hotness in maturity-- just be sure to do that. (Madonna did this, but it has gone awry.)

Oh, and the other key is leaving behind the unfortunate hair choices of youth.

Speaking of which, the photo above shows what number 5 used to look like this in the 70s. It's not Howard Stern, although Howard looks a world better now than in his WNBC days of the 80s, himself.

5. Anthony Bourdain

4. Robert Downey, Jr.

3. Jerry O' Connell

2. Johnny Depp

1. And Most Improved, George Clooney

Related:

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PapSmeared: Pete Wentz Has His Head Pubes 'Did

Emily Farris — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 19:46:00 GMT

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Top 5 Threesome Sex Scenes

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 21:22:00 GMT

We won't bore you with stories of our orgy and menage a trois experiences... because that's not why you're going to click on this post, right?

Without ado, the Five Best Sex Scenes That We Were Able To Find On The Internet And Could Embed Here... Part One. Suggestions, as always, for the next wave, in the comments section...

5. Rampage: The Hillside Strangler Murders. With a whopping 3.9-out-of-ten ranking on IMDB, you would be forgiven for not having heard of this via word-of-mouth. But now that Brittany Snow has been chosen to star in the Gossip Girl spinoff, expect this awful/true story to be repackaged in a useless Director's Cut DVD, complete with this sex scene stretched four milliseconds longer.

4. Factotum. If Marisa Tomei weren't in this scene, it wouldn't even have occurred to us to include it. After all, unless you consider dual finger-bangs "sex," this isn't much of a sex scene. But... again... Marisa Tomei, people...

3. Threesome. For a movie with sexual innuendo in the title, there isn't enough actual sex here. However, this clip does feature Lara Flynn Boyle getting talked "dirty" to over the phone while Stephen Baldwin goes down on her in person-- that counts, right? Oh, and there's an almost hot scene starting about 3:30 in with actual one-on-one sex. (The phone stuff starts at about 5:30.)

2. Wild Things. Jesus H! Is Matt Dillon in every great threesome in Hollywood history? You think he writes them in after signing his contract or will he not even agree to a role unless there's some menage goin' on? For us, the movie never gets finer than the opening scene, where a soap-sudsy Denise Richards stands dripping in Dillon's doorway, but everyone seems to think this is hotter 'n hell, so here goes...

1. American Psycho. "In terms of lyrics craftsmanship... this album hits new peaks of professionalism. Sabrina, why don't you dance a little?" In another director's hands, this would've been too unsettling to be darkly humorous. Is the film over-the-top, obvious, excessively violent and ultimately not the greatest movie? Absolutely. Is this sex scene near-genius? You put that in granite and stamp it on a business card.

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While You Were Sleeping: Britain's Next Topless Model

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 14:08:00 GMT

Don't cancel your Mexican vacation, says the country's President... the shocking drug violence there will be all cleared up, you know, in 2012.

Brittany Snow will appear in a new spinoff of Gossip Girl, a popular educational program.

Another supermodel bites the dust... Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady were married in Santa Monica yesterday, after having denied the wedding rumors for months, even years.

Jake and Reese are rumored to be the next celebrity couple that will walk down the aisle.

Kate Nash is already one step ahead of them, although her fiancee is an unknown.

Just the latest in a long line of 45-year-old hotties to grace the nudie mag, Lisa Rinna will be the next one to pose for Playboy.

This unanimous Supreme Court ruling on religious monuments in public parks is extremely troublesome.

The woman in the car during Morgan Freeman's car accident claims he was drunk. Oh, and she's absolutely not his mistress. And one more: she's suing him for not denying the mistress thing.

Hero of the day? A mother ran into her daughter's rapist while he was out of jail on a weekend pass. He asked after her daughter, apparently in a gleeful manner, and so she followed him into a bar, poured a bottle of petrol all over him and... struck a match...

And Britain's Next Top Model is already topless...

Topless Coffee Shop Opens In Maine, Not Without Controversy, Bottoms

The Rise and Fall of Lindsay Lohan

Obama Crashes Carnival Party, Thanks to Naked Carnival Queen

The Rise and Fall of Lindsay Lohan

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 14:45:00 GMT

We try not to dwell on the weight fluctuations of celebrities, since our greatest collective fear on this blog is-- shot in the dark-- that someone will point out our own problems with bacon cheeseburgers and failed diet plans.

But when the entire internet is worried that Lindsay Lohan is starving herself to death, we really have no choice but to investigate. Thankfully, we didn't have to spend all our waking hours on this or stare too hard at the evidence... it's pretty clear from this topless shoot Lohan did recently for Hedi Slimane that there's at least one thing wrong with her...

Drumroll, rimshot... she has fake boobs.

For years, scientists and other observers (i.e. mean bloggers) have commented that Lindsay's bust enhanced at precisely the time she transitioned to "adult" roles. (Unfortunately, not that kind of "adult" role.) No one could say definitively... until now, at least, according to those same mean bloggers. They're playing the "told you so" song and pointing out that the new ultra-skinny Lindsay should have sagging breasts, what with all the weight loss.

In other words, if we were going to title this article more inappropriately, it would be headlined: "The Rise and Rise of Lindsay Lohan's Boobs."

Here's what they're referring to-- the only two boob pictures from the shoot:

What do you think? Does this prove, disprove, or have no bearing on the theories? Also, um, should we give her one of our bacon cheeseburgers or something? Disturbing stuff...

Via Hedi Slimane's website.

Related:

Today in the Apocalypse: Barbie Got Even Skinnier

Sloppy Seconds: Why Sam Won't Leave Lindsay

Caption This: Lindsay Lohan's Boobs And Sam Ronson's Eyeline

Kate Moss Stocks Up On Beer, Strips For New York Magazine

Scanner Highs and Lows: Will The Real Fake Fakers Please Stand Up?

Emily Farris — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 00:33:00 GMT

You know it's a good week when real vampires get pissed off at fake vampires... or is it real fake vampires getting pissed at fake fake vampires?

Highs:

We found our new favorite man-boy band.

Our token Canadian helped us celebrate President's Day.

So did Scanner Colleen.

We laughed so hard at Sir Mix-a-Lot's Photoshop we almost peed our pants (okay, maybe we did a little).

We were validated, yet again, in our Crazy Cat Ladydom.

We also feel a lot better about that nervous breakdown we had at the Port Authority Bus Terminal.

We totally crushed on Playboy's newest play boy.

We looked at Kate Moss semi-naked and got a little jeal-jeal of her cute little tats.

We went shopping.

We discussed our girl parts, twice.

We fell in love with LOVE.

We need you to put a baby in us. Right now.

Lows:

Now we know how we do not want to die.

Looks like somebody's putting Johnny in a corner.

We found another beard we simply cannot endorse.

We recalled, for the umpteenth time, how we lost our virginity.

We learned that we are not unique.

Apparently, we cannot earn Weight Watchers activity points for sex.

We learned that fake fake vampires are pissing off real fake vampires.

We bid a fond farewell to Con-nan O'Briaaaaaahhhn.

And a bittersweet farewell to a crazy-ass chimp.

We don't want to be Obama's elf.

Barbie got even skinnier.

But this might be worse than all that.

Sloppy Seconds: Women Know When Men Are Turned On

Brian Fairbanks — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 00:01:00 GMT

Life in prison for consensual sex with a 16-year-old boy? That's a big WTF.

North Dakota fired another salvo in the war against the morning after pill and other "abortions": they passed a law stating that life begins at conception.

Speaking of conception, it's the reason a big celebrity couple recently broke up...

Hayden Panettiere's relationship with Milo Ventimiglia apparently wasn't strong enough to survive the always-fun pregnancy scare. According to the Chicago Sun-Times, "The test proved negative but apparently caused friction that sparked the breakup." [The Superficial]

Here's a new way to keep paranoid tabs on your significant other: the Driving Activity Reporter, which tracks, maps, and saves your car's movement history.

Have you heard about the crazy cafeteria occupation at NYU? Two girls decided to take to the streets without their clothes on and Fleshbot has the pictures.

Rihanna has wisely decided to refrain from public comment about Chris Brown. Smart gal.

Two stories left over from earlier this week: the New York Times says women know when men are turned on because the smell of the man's sweat will change.

And, in men, "the part of the brain associated with empathy for other peoples' emotions and wishes shut down after looking at [sexy bikini] pictures."

Top 5 Celebrities Who May Or May Not Be Attractive: Part One

While You Were Sleeping: The Rihanna Nightmare Continues

Fake Celebrity Engineers Fake Topless Candids

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 20:35:00 GMT

She's a reality show star, fashionista, fake celebrity, and the subject of endless tabloid gossip in England. So, why aren't these naked photos of Peaches Geldof taking the internet by storm?

Perhaps it's due to the fact that she resembles, at least facially, her facer, the singer of "I Don't Like Mondays" and organizer of Live8 and other charity festivities. Perhaps it's her tiresome personality, one so maudlin it could render any naked person as sexy as Ron Jeremy. For one thing, she got married as a teenager-- and she wasn't even pregnant. Worse, the marriage lasted only a few weeks and Peaches told friends: "I just don't fancy him anymore." Worse still, she admitted that even though she was married, she never thought it would last. Conservatives-- this is your enemy of marriage, not the gays.

Anyway, Peaches has been trying to get the public's attention ever since the divorce proceedings began this summer. Now, she's posing for supposedly candid photographs while frolicking topless on the beach. You think if they had hired a photographer, these would've been of better quality, but whatever...

So, hot or not?

Via TaxiDriverMovie.

Scanner Highs and Lows: The Week We Did a Little Star F*cking

Emily Farris — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 23:41:00 GMT

Okay, so maybe we did more than a little star fucking. One might even say we went overbaord.

Highs:

We drooled (and debated) over some big beautiful women.

We continued to hold out hope that our bearded man Joaquin Phoenix is a'ight. Even though he appears to be the opposite of a'ight.

We helped a friend end a bad relationship.

We fell in love with a Koala bear.

We started to wonder if it's true that one can be either hot or smart (not both) and began to appreciate our brains a little more.

We may live in the worst dating city ever, but at least we don't live in the worst city ever.

Dr. Ruth helped us figure out what to do tomorrow night.

The Dalai Lama began following us on Twitter!

We love Lily Allen and we don't care who knows it.

We asked Judah Friedlander out (no, really, we did and he wrote back.. but if we go out I'm not blogging about it, per his request).

Also, we kind-of, sort-of found a way to make our Ryan Gosling fantasies come true.

We found some pretty fucking cool Valentine's Day presents.

Zoorotica. 'Nuff said.

Oh, and animals that are not doing dirty things: Westminster dog show photos.

Lows:

We had to confront the fact that we've been with a lot of people, but not in a long, long time.

And we thought Grand Theft Auto was disturbing!

The Grammys screwed M.I.A. (By the way, has she popped that baby out yet?)

After a week of eating super healthy (okay, not really), we had a strange craving for hamburgers.

We're still trying to decide what's worse: the crazy dog lady or the crazy baby lady.

Maybe we don't have a Valentine because no one knows when Valentine's Day falls on the calendar?

We cried over this video (and so did you!).

We figured out why we're deliciously fat.

Um, this baby is smarter than us (also we really love watching videos of babies).

FUCK!

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