Ever Wonder What Your Body Would Taste Like To A Cannibal?

Ina Maier — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 16:53:00 GMT

Yeah, us neither. Until we saw a quiz that purported to tell us exactly that. And then we wondered why on earth we'd never wondered it before.

It starts innocuously enough: Do you lift weights? "Ah, we get it," we thought. "You'll establish how fatty and marbly we're gonna be. Decide flavor on a toughness to tenderness scale. Good thing we haven't seen the inside of a gym in years and we just ate a 5 course meal at Babbo last night. Thank god we ordered the goose liver ravioli!"

Smiling, we coasted through some more exercise questions (including the seemingly absurd "Do you swim regularly?" No. Do you? Maybe it's the New Yorker in us talking, but really? Swimming?) and landed at "What ethnicity are you?" We weren't sure what to make of this one, but as we checked off "White/Caucasian", we wondered idly if it was wrong that Pacific Islander seemed the juiciest.

Gender / Age made sense -- females have all those juicy mammary glands and obviously kidlets are delicious! -- and eating habits seemed obvious: the fattier, the better, no? Like Kobe beef and beer! But then again, maybe it's the opposite in humans? All natural, grain-fed peoples make for yummy meat, etc. Oy! So stressful! What to choose?? We wrestled with our desire for flavor and then erred on the side of honesty: Not a vegetarian, Not healthy, lots of junk food.

Now, our tanning habits? Do we moisturize? We could almost taste the marbled fat waiting in our supple, pasty skin. We smirked arrogantly as we emphatically selected, "Never." and, of course, "Always."

Our mouth watered -- we were delicious, we knew it! -- and we clicked through to our results.

WTF?!

[Take your own damn lying sack o' quiz here.]

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Gay Cannibal Becomes Prison Chef

Emily Farris — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 19:38:00 GMT

Anthony Morely, a former Mr. Gay UK winner, was recently convicted of murdering and then eating parts of a magazine executive in the UK. And now, his friend said, he's been given the job of prison chef. A strange idea, until you consider that Morely had the wherewithal to properly season and sauté his victim.

Apparently, Morely slit the throat of Damian Oldfield before cutting off chunks of his body, seasoning them with herbs and frying them in olive oil.

While Morely is sentenced to the kitchen, he won't be allowed to use knives. Maybe he'll work the deep fryer?

"I reckon some of the other inmates might get a bit worried if they knew who was serving up their food but I'd eat it," Morely's friend Michael said. "Whatever he's done, Tony can cook. He's a brilliant chef. They obviously knew about his talent with food so they offered him the chance to work in the canteen... He was really angry that they weren't letting him use any knives. He asked me, 'How the hell am I supposed to do this without knives?'"

Well, we all know that those who can't do teach. So maybe he should spend his newfound free time writing a cannibal cookbook? Oh, sorry. Was that in poor taste? (Har, har.)

[People UK: GAY CANNIBAL KILLER'S JOB AS A PRISON CHEF]

[Image via Gawker]

Scanner : cannibal cookbook

Ever Wonder What Your Body Would Taste Like To A Cannibal?

Gay Cannibal Becomes Prison Chef

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Russian Recession Roast is One Piece of Meat We'll Not Eat

Gay Cannibal Becomes Prison Chef