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While You Were Sleeping: Paul Newman’s Gay Affair

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 15 May 2009 14:02:00 GMT

Free mp3’s from the likes of She & Him, Robyn Hitchcock, and Shawn Mullins can be yours if you donate so much as one dollar to save Paste Magazine.

We really feel bad for this woman who cried in her mugshot photo, even though she put up an ad on an elevator wall offering sex for money and gave out her real phone number.

Tom Hanks is upset his Angels and Demons sex scene was cut for the PG-13 rating.

John Mayer sends text messages that say “I want to tuck you in” when he really means a word that starts with “f” instead of “t,” according to the ever-reliable New York Post.

Hey Brits– the best breasts are in Yorkshire.

Gerard Butler has been charged with beating up a pap.

Shanna Moakler asked Carrie Prejean to “stop lying.”

And a new book claims Paul Newman and James Dean slept together. That seems believable– if we were forced at gunpoint to have sex with another man, it would have to be one of these two in their prime.

Lily Allen Swears off Sex, Won't Stop Teasing Us

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 01 May 2009 19:29:00 GMT

Look, we have no problem if celebrities like Lily Allen want to beg off sex for a while-- hell, at least until we come along. If they're going to do that, we just wish they-- meaning Lily specifically-- would stop showing off ~~their~~ her boobs...

Lily Allen gave an interview, released yesterday, announcing she has decided to remain celibate... to improve her music.

Allen often uses her personal life as inspiration for her hits, but admits she is stuck in a creative rut.

Allen, who has previously dated Chemical Brothers star Ed Simons and art dealer Jay Jopling, is currently single but has decided she won't get involved with any more men, as a sex ban with help her focus on her songs.

According to the Sun, she says, "Sometimes it helps. It's good to get out of your comfort zone and test yourself. I'm just going to see how it goes for a bit. I haven't set a time limit or anything." [Ed. note: Our pick in the betting pool: two hours.]

The singer recently admitted she sometimes deliberately sabotages her relationships in a bid to improve her song-writing: "I've actually broken up with boyfriends for inspiration. When I hit a period of not being able to write music, I get up and I walk away. It's pretty mean - but it's true." [SF Gate]

That didn't stop her from stepping out (as they say in the British tabloids) of a London restaurant the other night in this seethrough dress. Lily Allen, please change your crappy music... but don't change your excellent fashion sense. Evidence here:

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Sexy Garden Gnomes Offend Wankers

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 15:59:00 GMT

In West Midlands, UK, the Old Guard is trying desperately to prevent its open-minded seniors from corrupting the youth with their naked garden gnomes.

The full, horrific and incredibly graphic photos of these hideous beasts-- along with equally hilarious quotes from those who seek to save us from these insults to our mores-- after the jump...

For more than fifteen years, nude gnomes have stood in 64-year-old Sarah Smith's garden, unashamed of the imaginary bodies their imaginary God gave them. Then, of course, an unnamed woman moved in next door and was worried her young children might be filled with wild, underage lust for old bearded men if they saw the nude creatures. So she called the town council and had a police officer order Smith's little dudes covered up:

"I don't think they should be in a garden with my young kids running around nearby," she said.

"They are childish and I think it pathetic that they are in a front garden in full view of everyone."

Of course, there's nothing pathetic whatsoever with caring so much about a bunch of naked garden gnomes that you have to get the cops involved. Nothing at all.

Via the Telegraph.

Joss Stone Had An Ass Slip At Coachella

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 15:08:00 GMT

Joss Stone, the 22-year-old British soul singer, was added to the lineup of the Coachella just four days prior to her Saturday afternoon performance.

Perhaps she's now regretting not having had enough time to pick out an appropriate outfit for an outdoor peformance on an elevated stage...

This is why it's important to have security turn around once in a while and see what's going on onstage, if only for the performer's sake. As you can see, this is becoming a problem...

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Mother-Daughter Clones To Sign Porn Contract Any Day Now...

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 15:25:00 GMT

The first thing you'll notice about this article is that there is no mention of a husband/father figure in the lives of these two women.

The women in question are Janet and Jane Cunliffe, a mother and daughter pair that look almost nothing alike, even after mom spent 10,000 English pounds on plastic surgery to, as she requested, look more like her child. Why would anyone do that?

The questions that remain with us after viewing this disturbing photo:

1) Isn't it obvious to everyone around them that Mom is desperately trying to be like her daughter (and failing?)

2) What kind of person puts their daughter through this photo shoot for a major publication like the Daily Mail?

3) Which one's the daughter?

'It might sound barmy that I had cosmetic surgery to look like my daughter, but she's gorgeous. Who wouldn't want to look like her?

'The way I see it is that she got her looks from me in the first place - mine have just faded with age.

'Seeing how attractive Jane is made me want to get my looks back. Now instead of mum and daughter we look more like twins. I had good genes and good skin, but I needed a helping hand to make me feel better about myself.'

Certainly Janet wasn't always such a head-turner. Just a few years ago, she was a size 14 redhead and felt, she says, dowdy and unattractive.

Not, she insists, that she was ever vain. [Oh, definitely not now, that's for sure. - Ed.] 'I didn't have time for vanity in my 20s as I was too busy bringing up Jane and her brother, Pete,' she says.

Commenters on various blogs had their own concerns:

I imagine the husband is royally creeped out.

I imagine he is no longer the husband.

-I wonder what it would have cost her to look like someone attractive.

-daughter responds by spending twice that much on psychiatric sessions

-How is this news? These women are EVERYWHERE in Texas.

Via the Daily Mail.

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Disabled Girl May Win Runway Model Contest

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 21:29:00 GMT

She has four kidneys. Four kidneys, one hand, major digestion problems, and worse arthritis than your great-grandmother. And she's in the running to become the next Teen Princess UK...

According to the Daily Mail, 15-year-old Brit Maryelen Loughran idolizes former winner and tabloid magnet Katie Price and, despite having Motility Syndrome, which means she must keep a tube pumping food through her body for her entire waking day. But she is one of the strongest people we've come across in ages. Just check out these excerpts from her interview:

'My idol is Jordan, not because I want to be a glamour model, but because I think she is a strong independent woman who doesn't care what anyone thinks.
'I think having my disability - although I don't like to think of it as that - makes you think like that. It's worked for her and she is very successful.'

'He took some photos and then he posted them to us and I though why not give it a go - you have to have a positive outlook on life and can't be scared to try new things.'

Why not, right? It makes our problems seem ridiculously minuscule in comparison.

Via the Daily Mail.

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Italy's Woman of the Year Acting the Part of the Crazed Sex Fiend in Court

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 20:28:00 GMT

Is Amanda Knox putting on a Crazy Person act to get away with murder only a Crazy Person could commit?

Italy's Trial of the Century pits Washington State college student Knox against an Italian prosecution that just doesn't know what to make of this loony American. (Yes, we do make them loonier here-- just be grateful she's not from Florida.) They've had to put up with all manner of antics, including the above-pictured shirt (on Valentine's Day, no less), kissing her co-defendant, and discussing her pink rabbit vibrator in open court...

Knox, 21, is accused of murdering her British roommate after a sex game went wrong-- or, some say, she planned it all along and joked about it being a thrill killing afterward. Her DNA (and the victim's) were found on a knife that may have been the murder weapon. Here's the rundown on how she's handled the early part of the trial so far:

-casually discussing the trial with an interpreter during recesses as if facing a misdemeanor charge instead of allegations of a brutal sex game slaying and coverup
-the All You Need Is Love t-shirt. A t-shirt to a trial? Either you are indeed a crazy person or you grew up in Florida

-walking "like a Hollywood diva sashaying along the red carpet" (says the Daily Mail)
-while awaiting interrogation after the murder, she occupied herself by working out, doing cartwheels, stretches, and splits in the police station
-her accomplice/boyfriend made out with her and she giggled and stuck her tongue out at him when they were later separated
-and one that wasn't really her fault: she had to answer questions in court about the pink rabbit-shaped vibe police discovered in her apartment. She giggled and said it was a gag gift from a friend. [Seattle Times]

One criminologist tells the Seattle Times that Knox's silliness could be a defense mechanism in reaction to her own pain and suffering. While we have seen that kind of thing before, usually the person in question is at least nervous, afraid, or mildly upset at some point...

Either way, things don't look promising for Italy's 2008 Woman of the Year.

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The Best of the April Fool's Day Sex News

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 21:11:00 GMT

This year's April Fool's Day definitely topped 2008 for sheer ridiculous fake sex news.

Here are a few of our favorites, not including the Gmail Autopilot helper that Colleen and I both linked to earlier...

The best part is, that British MPs story is definitely true.

MSNBC ran a story that we immediately called bullshit on, but on reflection, it turns out it's probably at least partly factual:

Dr. Wang jokes with the new parents a bit and then says, "I understand you may want to have a circumcision for your baby."
Larry and Joy don't answer immediately. At last Larry says, "Well ... we don't know."

Dr. Wang smiles. He's familiar with the befuddled expression on Larry's face.

Circumcision, of course, is the surgical removal of the penile foreskin from the glans — the fleshy crown of the penis. It is one of the most commonly performed procedures in American hospitals, and except for abortion, it may be the most controversial. The procedure has long been known to reduce the spread of a few rare, serious diseases, and to prevent a few annoying, uncomfortable ones. But in 1999, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) determined that the risk of surgical complications, though small, nearly canceled out the benefits...

A Google search for a Dr. Wang at Massachusetts General turns up several ancient article hits, so he's probably real. But that doesn't mean a story about a "Dr. Wang" and his penis obsession doesn't ring false on a day like today...

By far the best goof of the day and without a doubt the most interesting story we've come across in ages is actually a true story (we think) of the life of Alan Abel, a semi-unknown prankster, as reported in Esquire. In addition to being the first person ever to have his obituary retracted by the New York Times, he is known for incredible stunts like staging a mass-fainting epidemic in the audience of a live Phil Donahue Show taping and starting both the Society for Indecency to Naked Animals, which kickstarted a popular (though fake) movement to put pants on farm animals and pets, and most famous of all, Citizens Against Breastfeeding.

But we remember these from the interview:

ESQ: In 1994, you went on The Jenny Jones Show with an actress playing your wife, and she said she had glued your penis to your butt while you were sleeping. Was Jenny Jones in on that?

AA: Oh no, not at all. At first, she was furious, and then they got this great exposé in the Washington Post and they were so pleased. The show was repeated over and over. The same thing happened when HBO did a documentary on male genitalia called Private Dicks Exposed. They had an 800 number and they said in the ad, "If you're interested in talking about your private parts, call," so I did. I figured all these guys were going to call in to brag about their size. So I said I was the smallest in the world. One inch, erect. And they said: "You're on the show!"

ESQ: Didn't they ever ask to see your goods?

AA: They did, when they were interviewing me for the documentary. The director said, "Everyone's taken their clothes off except you, Bruce." There were about twenty-five people on the crew, including some very attractive ladies, and I said, "Only if we can have group sex after the wrap." They said no. So I didn't have to take off my shorts.

As we said, this is a must-read.

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"Britain's Sexiest Teacher" In Hot Water After Steamy Photo Shoot

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 15:10:00 GMT

Natasha Gray, voted Britain's Sexiest Teacher in a phone survey following a television show seven years ago, is (finally) back in the news again for doing the only thing that could ever upset a British parent: not being able to live on a teacher's salary.

Apparently, some parents were worried about their children being taught by a woman who models in the near-nude... and here we thought Britain was more enlightened about the female form than their American counterparts...

Some kid who couldn't keep his or her mouth shut (who talks to their parents about what goes on at school anyway?) told his/her mom that Gray had lingerie photos up on iModel, a website for aspiring underwear champions. The woman wrote an anonymous letter to the school informing them of the photos, which she said was "disgusted" by the "inappropriate" spread.

"I assume the pupils have a good giggle about it but I find it rather crass."

Well, my dear, if teachers were banned from doing anything one single person finds offensive, the only thing they could do was sit absolutely still and keep their eyes closed. In other words, find something better do with your time, mom.

Meanwhile, "Tasha" has been told she will not be fired, but that the school hopes she knows that this will go down on her permanent record.

Via various English media sources and iModel.

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Married British Barrister Billed Client For Sex

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 18:06:00 GMT

But he didn't just bill his client for sex. He didn't just bill her for sex they had in expensive hotel rooms. He billed her 250 pounds an hour for that sex...

It gets better: 46-year-old attorney Marc Beaumont got client (yes, this is her real name) Anal Sheikh drunk on multiple occasions and slept with her, then later billed her for his time in that absurd amount. Either this is the best sex since Eliot Spitzer was Governor of New York or-- no, it apparently wasn't. Sheikh was furious and went to the press... which probably won't sit too well with... Mrs. Beaumont.

According to the Telegraph:

...things turned sour after Mr Beaumont's wife, Michele, 50, allegedly found out about their relationship and locked him out of the house and he was concerned she would "trash his office".
She claimed Mrs Beaumont later phoned her, threatening to "destroy" her.
Yet despite apparently agreeing with his wife not to see her face to face, she alleged Mr Beaumont wanted to continue the affair. She alleges that the couple met and kissed and he even asked and colleague to lie about his whereabouts if his wife should telephone his office.

Miss Shiekh claims Mr Beaumont acted negligently and gave her bad legal advice on a string of occasions.

Among that terrible advice, we're guessing: "have sex with me."

Via the Telegraph.

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Is Our Children Learning About Internet Porn?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 15:21:00 GMT

The Sun, like the rest of us here in the world of serious journalism, has been unable to find anything interesting to talk about from this weekend's wire reports. So, instead, it decided to make up a crisis: "Internet Porn is Ruining Our Childrens' Futures, By God!"

Normally, we see this kind of idiotic rant on a daily basis and pass it by without even consciously registering that we've seen it. However, we're quite glad to have seen The Sun's disastrously funny take on the state of British teenagers... and we haven't even made it halfway yet...

A GENERATION of teens are growing up thinking they should behave like PORN STARS.

You gotta love the Sun for these opening lines. The combination of bold text and random ALL CAPS gives their leads the feel of a CRAZY-ASS New York City SUBWAY BUM POET'S handmade rant signs. ("WoRDSworth isn't worth SHIT. read ThiS!")

It leads to them having unsafe sex, boob jobs and Hollywood waxes. Girls as young as 14 and 15 are even stripping on webcams and sending pictures to boyfriends — who think writhing in front of a lens is the norm.

Oh, now they're called Hollywood waxes? Do you think-- I mean, really-- that girls are getting their pubic hair waxed because Jenna Haze gets it done? Right here, you know this Sun writer is just making this all up 10 minutes before her deadline.

Nearly nine out of ten youngsters aged 14 to 17 have seen porn and nearly one in five are viewing it more than once a week.

Look, Sun writer, I have a confession to make. When I was 14, I saw porn more than once a week. Every single guy I knew saw porn at least as much as I did-- it's called "stealing Playboy's from your uncle when he's drunk." And not one of the guys I knew ever got laid until they were at least 18. At least.

Sixty three per cent of teens surveyed say they do not discuss sex openly at home, while 77 per cent of those who watch porn say their parents are unaware they do it.

This may be the part that blows our minds the most. 77% of teens have been able to keep their porn addiction a secret? Meaning nearly a quarter of British parents are letting their kids get away with it? Wow... those are some cool parents.

You can read the rest of this nonsense here.

While You Were Sleeping: More Grey's Anatomy Turmoil

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 14:08:00 GMT

Audrina Partridge had her home broken into by two very bizarre young citizens. In surveillance footage, they can be seen wandering aimlessly from room to room... and back again... and again... without doing much of anything, let alone steal anything or set fire to the place.

Arrested Development: the Movie was finally greenlit, thanks to lazy-assed Michael Cera coming aboard.

This oh-so-adorable young lady was arrested for assaulting her boyfriend's nutsack. Prior to this incident, they had broken up "approximately 20 times," yet she seemed rather surprised to find that the dude had another ladyfriend over for the night.

We were all excited to hear Andy Richter would be rejoining Conan on TV, but it turns out he's just going to be the announcer. Guess Conan's enjoying his solo career.

Can a resident of the UK explain to us why so many Brits use "miles an hour" in their speech? Does it have something to do with the universal use of nautical miles? (Oh, and check out the video we just linked to. The 71-year-old dude quoted in it is our new personal hero.)

The Beatles recorded a version of "Revolution" that was only recently discovered and you really must hear it.

Is McDreamy really leaving the hospital on Grey's Anatomy?

And Maxim men of the world, rejoice: Megan Fox is single again. But before you get any ideas... guess which first name she has tattooed near her crotch? She wouldn't even have to deal with that pesky removal process if she just returned our calls...

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Penis, Penis, Peanuts

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 14:09:00 GMT

With some British accents, we often think we hear the word "penis" on a constant basis.

Basically, whenever a British broadcaster says "peon," "peanuts," or "tasty ballpark weiners," we could swear they said "penis." It turns out, we're right-- at least in this case. Watch a CNN reporter make our morning by saying the word twice in 27-seconds... and say it for real.

Yes, yes, we're immature little children, we know.

While You Were Sleeping: Getting Dumped On Facebook

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 14:20:00 GMT

"Sexting" is so popular even the backwards-ass morons at the New York Post are becoming aware of it.

The Republicans are planning to use Obama's plans to close Guantanamo Bay against him, maybe even as their lead line of attack.

And your worst nightmare is about to come true: Absolutely Fabulous is being remade as an American show.

The Silver Jews broke up. And apparently, David Berman's Dad is a psycho.

30 Rock and Kate Winslet('s cleavage) continue to collect the top awards. By the way, aside from 30 Rock, it's difficult to agree with any of the Screen Actors Guild choices, at least not the ones listed here.

Meanwhile, Slumdog Millionaire is doing very well in wide release, including in places like Butte, MT and Columbia, SC.

This is an incredible and surprisingly touching story of a Nigerian Facebook scam.

And speaking of Facebook, Prince Harry's five-year relationship has ended. The Royal found out himself only after seeing it in his Facebook News feed. Ow.

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And The Bad Sex in Fiction Winners Are...

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 15:18:00 GMT

The British know their sex... which is why they're also qualified to judge the 2008 Bad Sex in Fiction Awards. And this ain't "bad sex" that appears "in fiction." It's bad sex writing from some of the great novels of the year, including John Updike's Witches of Eastwick sequel...

Updike takes the year's Lifetime Achievement Award, while the year's top honoree is Rachel Johnson, sister of London Mayor Boris (what's up with these conservatives, like Bill O'Reilly and Scooter Libby, not knowing how to write sex? Wait, nevermind, we know the answer.)

Based on a cursory search of these books for sex scenes, we found this one from Updike's latest:

She said nothing then, her lovely mouth otherwise engaged, until he came, all over her face. She had gagged, and moved him outside her lips, rubbing his spurting glans across her cheeks and chin. God, she was antique, but here they were. Her face gleamed with his jism in the spotty light of the motel room, there on the far end of East Beach, within sound of the sea.

In a Guardian interview, Johnson is a good sport, while the article's author points out some passages that might have caught the committee's attention:

Johnson was singled out for her novel's slew of animal metaphors, including comparing her male protagonist's "light fingers" to "a moth caught inside a lampshade", and his tongue to "a cat lapping up a dish of cream so as not to miss a single drop". Literary Review deputy editor Tom Fleming was also disturbed by the heroine's "grab, to put him, now angrily slapping against both our bellies, inside".

Just for laughs, here's the 2007 winner, by our good buddy, now deceased, Norman Mailer:

'Are you alright?' she cried out as he lay beside her, his breath going in and out with a rasp that sounded as terrible as the last winds of their lost children.
'All right. Yes. No,' he said. Then she was on him. She did not know if this would resuscitate him or end him, but the same spite, sharp as a needle, that had come to her after Fanni's death was in her again. Fanni had told her once what to do. So Klara turned head to foot, and put her most unmentionable part down on his hard-breathing nose and mouth, and took his old battering ram into her lips. Uncle was now as soft as a coil of excrement. She sucked on him nonetheless with an avidity that could come only from the Evil One - that she knew. From there, the impulse had come. So now they both had their heads at the wrong end, and the Evil One was there. He had never been so close before.
The Hound began to come to life. Right in her mouth. it surprised her. Alois had been so limp. But now he was a man again! His mouth lathered with her sap, he turned around and embraced her face with all the passion of his own lips and face, ready at last to grind into her with the Hound, drive it into her piety.

It's enough to turn you off having sex, let alone just reading about it.

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But Of Course: Madonna's British Accent Explained

Emily Farris — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 19:07:00 GMT

Ever wonder how a girl from Detroit ended up with a British accent? Well, you know, sometimes you just wake up with an accent. Seriously. There are dozens—dozens!—of documented cases of Foreign Accent System.

One woman's story, after the jump.

From ABC News:

CindyLou Romberg sounds like she could be from any number of exotic countries around the world. She sometimes rolls her "R"s like a Russian, chops syllables like a German or turns an unsuspecting "W" into a "V," like a Swede. But Romberg is not Russian, German or Swedish. In fact, she has never even left her tiny hometown of Port Angeles, Wash. Romberg suffers from what doctors call Foreign Accent Syndrome, or FAS, an extremely rare brain disorder that, as the name implies, causes its sufferers to speak as if they are from a foreign country. "We'll be in the grocery store and someone will come up and say, 'Oh, you have a beautiful accent. Where are you from?'" Romberg told "Good Morning America."

The syndrome is likely related to an accident in 1981 when CindyLou suffered a depressed skull fracture after falling out of a moving truck, scientists say. She recovered from a severe brain injury, and spoke normally until just two years ago when she lost her voice for a couple of days after a visit with a chiropractor.

When her voice came back, it was not the one she had grown up with."She may have suffered a small episode of decreased blood supply to the brain during the manipulation that provided an additional injury, which led to the FAS," neuroscientist Julius Fridriksson said.

Fridriksson said that FAS comes from a trauma to the left side of the brain in an area responsible for speech.

Watch the video here.

[ABC via BWE]

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While You Were Sleeping: The Lapdancers And The Prime Minister

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 14:08:00 GMT

A New England Patriots cheerleader was booted from the squad after Facebook pictures showed her drawing penises and swastikas on a passed-out girl's body.

The New York Times wants you to know that stretching before exercise is actually a bad idea.

And so it begins... check out what this Floridian DJ did to "celebrate" Obama's victory...

Mark Larsen, who is white, dressed in blackface makeup at the start of his show.
“This gives me that Uncle Tom feel,” said Larsen, who also joked about changing his name to Marcus Washington Larsen. “Are you sure this comes off? Because I don’t feel like running for president.”

Before Tuesday’s election, Larsen talked about seeing a long line of black people waiting to vote at a Tampa Bay area polling place, saying they “looked like the line for takeout at Big Tim’s Barbecue” in St. Petersburg. And shortly after putting on the blackface makeup Wednesday, he told a caller he presumed to be black that “You love (America) because you have a man of color going to the White House. Before that, you probably were a malcontent." [Tampabay.com]

Lost in all the election hoopla yesterday: Massachusetts decriminalized marijuana of less than one ounce.

Why do we get the feeling this is going to be terrible? Antonio Banderas may be playing Salvador Dali.

Even these exotic dancers were unable to get the British Prime Minister's attention.

And Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling are over... are you reading this, Scanner Emily?

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Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 18:07:00 GMT

Have you heard about this live show called Celebrity Biographies where celebrities read from terrible celebrity books, such as Loni Anderson's memoirs? (Kristen Wiig, Rachel Dratch, and Sherri Shepherd are among the usual readers and the show is supposedly hysterical.)

Well, a couple of dudes from who knows where took this idea a step further-- they made this video of themselves putting on Shakespearean airs and reading celebrity sex tapes...

The actual, full sex tape can be seen here. It's not as bad as we thought, particularly once they get down to the actual sex. Here's a screenshot of the hotness if you can't watch it right now:

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New Documentary Looks At Life As An Intersex Adult

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 18:23:00 GMT

An intersex is a person born with ambiguous genitals-- male and female parts-- who cannot be classified by the traditional two-gender system. (Click here to learn why the term hermaphrodite is incorrect.)

A new documentary, being put together by Maxx Ginnane, explores lives of intersex adults, including this person, who believes that her parents made the wrong decision in choosing her gender...

We are not the types to think just outlawing something will usually solve the problem-- but what if a person had to be 18 and give consent to such an operation? Would that solve the problem here?

You can read more about the film (we believe it-- or at least this clip-- is entitled "80% Girl, 20% Boy") at Queers United. Here's a note they posted from Ginnane:

"I am now making a full length film about intersex, including the stories of what is happening to the babies born visibly intersex and gender variant children as they grow up and approach puberty. There's currently still a debate in the medical community about how these young people should be treated. I'm seeking the input of doctors, parents, and of course, other intersex people in this project. If you would like to get in touch, my address is palya@hotmail.com"

More about intersex here.

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Transgender Rambo Goes On Rampage of Racism, Arson, and Harmless Fun

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 19:50:00 GMT

It's not nice to laugh at people who have mental problems, so we won't.

We'll just tell you what this nutty Brit did to earn herself a minimum three years in prison before even be "considered for parole..."

1) Joanne Spencer, who is reportedly a "gender reassignment patient," tried to burn down her apartment building after fighting with a neighbor.

2) Spencer answered the door when the police arrived "wearing combat gear and a gas mask and told police she would not come out and was wearing the mask so she would be killed by the flames rather than fumes."

3) Firefighters had to taser her to get her to leave.

4) When she returned to her apartment to pick up some of her things, she got spooked (the story isn't very clear here) and jumped into a taxi. She made racist remarks and threatened to go "Rambo" on the taxi driver with her hunting knife if he didn't drive her away, all while swinging the knife at his head.

5) She was taken down via "stun gun" this time.

The judge acknowledged Spencer's rough life but seemed completely oblivious to the fact that this person should be in a mental institution, not a prison. He sentenced her

indefinitely for public protection, and said it would be a minimum of three years before she would be considered for parole. [Yorkshire Evening Post]

What do you think? Was this deserved or do you have a better idea?

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While You Were Sleeping: Human Evolution Ended

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 14:29:00 GMT

You won't see a better headline all day: "ZZ Top regrets snake tour." And yes, it's worth reading beyond the title for the story of those snakes.

Eric Clapton is selling 13 shotguns. The news here? Eric Clapton is a scary, scary mofo.

Even when she finally got it together to get her own driver, Britney Spears still can't escape trouble on the road...

Accident-prone Britney Spears was reportedly involved in another car crash after she was pursued by the waiting paparazzi in California.
The star - who is due to stand trial after she was caught driving without a license last year - was being chauffeured through West Hollywood when a photographer's car collided with her vehicle, reports celebrity website TMZ.com. [Starpulse]

A Brooklyn, NY arts space has introduced the floating brothel. Unfortunately, it's only for actors.

We're not making up this summary: a South Australian man is believed to have impregnated 30 lesbians. Now, the local community is worried about accidental incest....

And one scientist claims that because old men aren't having as much sex with young lasses anymore, human beings are no longer evolving. We failed science, so trust us, it makes a lot more sense when you just read the article.

A British couple proves recycling is super awesome. Or that airline tickets are super cheap if it involves travel to third world countries, such as the United States. (Again, just read it, you'll see what we mean.)

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While You Were Sleeping: Lookin' For Asian Women

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 13:08:00 GMT

The new exhibit on sex and politics opened at the Kinsey Institute at the University of Indiana.

Ex-NBA star Kevin Johnson's run for the Mayor of Sacramento may be in jeopardy after it was revealed he (may have) used AmeriCorps members that were working with his nonprofit do personal errands for him. Oh, and there is the whiff of sex, too.

You'll never guess which celebrity is converting to the Jewish faith to please his girlfriend...

Irish actor Colin Farrell is reportedly abandoning his Catholic faith to convert to Judaism for new girlfriend Emma Forrest. [Farrell] has been dating British novelist Forrest since June, but the romance appears to be turning serious. [Starpulse]

A stolen Renoir was recovered in Italy three decades later.

An assistant principal who had a torrid affair-- with a 17-year-old female student-- will spend the next two years with big burly men.

A man in Brisbane is accused of stroking a latex vagina in front of two women. We're not sure why either.

The Playboy Mansion and the rest of Hugh Hefner's empire could be in trouble if he doesn't lay off some of his staff, according to recent rumors.

The best missed connection we saw this morning:

WHITE MALE LOOKING FO ASIAN WOMEN - m4w - 52 (QUEENS -LI)
I AM A WHITE MALE AND I NEVER HAD AN INDIAN WOMEN AND WOULD LIKE TO EXPERENCE IT. IF YOU ARE INTERESTED PLEASE WRITE BACK WITH A PICTURE AND YOUR AGE.

And Scarlett Johansson married Ryan Reynolds in Canada. Words escape us to aptly describe this tragedy.

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Today in Sex Toys: The Shaver Vibrator

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 20:39:00 GMT

Sex toy manufacturer Touche calls this dual-action vibrator-shaver the Womaniser (ooh, touche.)

But what do the Brits who have already tried it out think of this strange new invention? The Womaniser, which lasts for about forty minutes per battery charge, has not gone over so well with Love Honey's customer reviewer:

It really is a case of form over function. The packaging is amazing, all sexy and black and sophisticated.The shaver and vibrator are at different ends and the shaver is hidden behind a ‘safety cap’. Now this is where we have our first problem. This is NOT a safety cap. It’s a lump of silicone with metal inside that loosely cover[s] the shaver. I spent ages trying to ‘click’ the cap shut, thinking I must be an idiot, but I have come to the decision that there is no mechanism to keep the top on. The shaver seems to snag the hair and is just not sharp enough when under cover of the comb. It can tidy you up a bit but no more than that.

Now onto the vibrator... the battery compartment and button stick out, there’s no way you can use this inside the vagina... it seems designed to be used as a g-spot stimulator as well, yet can’t be.

Crucially, she goes on (well, we're assuming it's a "she"), the vibrator fails as a masturbatory device as well, due to its weak vibrations. Apparently, setting your Nokia phone to shake and shimmy would be a better option. And, as we know from personal experience, since Nokia's tend to capture hair off our heads while we're talking, it might work as a shaver while we're self-satisfying, as well...

Via Love Honey UK.

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This Week In Gayness: Discriminated By McDonald's

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 17:17:00 GMT

Besides Clay Aiken and Lindsay Lohan finally admitting their obvious gayness, there were a couple more newsworthy stories floating out there this week:

A teenage boy has been condemned to die in Iran because he is a homosexual.

The gay marriage fight in DC is nearing its end, as the City Council is almost ready to pass a bill making it legal.

Ian McKellen will tour British schools to teach kids about tolerance. And elves.

I’ve been busy at quite a few schools recently. I went to a wonderful co-ed faith school in Harpenden.
'They were Christians and absolutely determined that their pupils did not discriminate.
They invited me to come and give prizes to 13-year-olds in front of the parents and to talk, partly, about being gay.

'I said that we are all part of a minority group – be it for being short, or tall or fat or thin, or having red hair or whatever. I said hands up who thinks they are part of a minority group and all the hands went up.

A Queensland city agency has ruled a pro-gun, anti-gay nutjob is guilty of inciting hatred for a sticker he displayed that read: "Gay Rights? Under God's law the only rights gays have is the right to die."

A Lousville, Kentucky McDonald's employee is being investigated by the state's Human Rights Commission after the following incident:

Ryan Marlatt, Teddy Eggers, and three other friends had stopped for lunch at the McDonald's restaurant on July 26, 2008, while visiting Louisville for the weekend. While they waited for their food to be prepared, an employee behind the counter referred to them as "faggots" to another employee. Marlatt and Eggers asked to speak with a manager. As they waited for the supervisor on duty to appear, the employee who had called them "faggots" started arguing with them, repeatedly calling them "faggots" in front of other customers and calling one of them a "cocksucker" and "bitch."

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Gemma Garrett Sexes Up British Politics

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 21 May 2008 19:50:00 GMT

Miss Great Britain 2008, in the elongated form of Gemma Garrett, will be splayed across a ballot box near you on Thursday...

If, of course, you're lucky enough to live in the UK.

“I’m campaigning on lots of different issues but the main one is about pay for British troops. They should be on a premium salary when they’re in war zones and away from their families, even when they’re in Northern Ireland."

In her ruthless and relentless grab at power on the newly formed Beauties For Britain ticket (we're not kidding), beginning her rise with a simple quest for Membership in Parliament, she has met with strong and solid opposition, including jealousy at her good looks, particularly from the elderly:

She shouted at me: ‘Do you even know how to spell Britain?’ I couldn’t believe it. “I just walked away even though I was quite angry about it. I thought that was the best way for an ambassador for Britain to behave." [Daily Star]

Hear, hear, Gemma. Take the high road, even if that means no more of these hot, hot photos of you once you're in office. (But please do continue to be amazingly hot, have your heart in the right place, and if there's a good sex scandal in the works, please let us know before the Mail gets it.)

For more pictures, see the Daily Star story and gallery, with additional photos here.

Video of the Day: 21 Accents

Emily Farris — Mon, 19 May 2008 16:12:00 GMT

Aspiring actress Amy Walker introduces herself in 21 different accents from Czech to Cockney to 1940's Transatlantic. We were almost skeptical of a few of the Southern accents, but sometimes we can hardly believe that people who are actually from the South talk like they do. Overall, very impressive, considering she does all this in under three minutes.

So after hearing all that, where do you think she's really from?

Seattle.

Somebody hire this girl. She's just as cute as Natalie Portman and her English accent is so, so, so much better.

(Note: We still heart V for Vendetta very, very much)

[via Very Short List]