Scanner : breasts

New Bra Makes Your Boobs Look Bigger When You’re Turned On

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 15 May 2009 14:34:00 GMT

A new bra being sold overseas claims that, thanks to memory foam and natural sweat, it can boost your bosom when you're getting in the mood.

As if you needed another reason for men to stare at your breasts...

The bra, being sold this summer in the range of 25 English pounds, is the work of the Lisca lingerie company, out of Slovenia. (They're apparently the largest manufacturer in Eastern Europe and once used Donald Trump's latest wife as their spokesmodel-- if that helps you decide.)

The magic bra detects changes in body temperature brought on by sexual arousement and squeezes boobs together to create a bigger cleavage.

They are also able to automatically adapt to different temperatures to provide women with the perfect fit no matter how nippy it gets.

Special expanding foam in the cups will loosen or tighten to adapt to the size of the wearer’s breasts as they get hotter.

“It’s healthier than an ordinary bra because it will always provide the perfect fit,” said a company spokesman.

While we find it hard to believe women will see the need to accentuate their cleavage at specific intervals, the comfort factor has got to be pretty high with these things, no?

Via the Sun.

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While You Were Sleeping: Paul Newman’s Gay Affair

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 15 May 2009 14:02:00 GMT

Free mp3’s from the likes of She & Him, Robyn Hitchcock, and Shawn Mullins can be yours if you donate so much as one dollar to save Paste Magazine.

We really feel bad for this woman who cried in her mugshot photo, even though she put up an ad on an elevator wall offering sex for money and gave out her real phone number.

Tom Hanks is upset his Angels and Demons sex scene was cut for the PG-13 rating.

John Mayer sends text messages that say “I want to tuck you in” when he really means a word that starts with “f” instead of “t,” according to the ever-reliable New York Post.

Hey Brits– the best breasts are in Yorkshire.

Gerard Butler has been charged with beating up a pap.

Shanna Moakler asked Carrie Prejean to “stop lying.”

And a new book claims Paul Newman and James Dean slept together. That seems believable– if we were forced at gunpoint to have sex with another man, it would have to be one of these two in their prime.

Video of Jessica Biel Nude Scenes in Powder Blue, Compiled!

Drew Grant — Wed, 13 May 2009 21:33:00 GMT

Jessica Biel may be too busy crunching her abs or making sweet, sweet love to Justin Timberlake to comment on the apparently excessive nudity featured in her new film, Powder Blue, but that didn't stop some genius from putting together a montage of all Biel's best "acting," moments in the Christma-hooker drama. Watch her strip to Cat Power (no seriously, Biel got duped into starring in my freshman year boyfriend's Cinema 101 project), after the jump.

Men Have Been Waiting For These Jessica Biel Topless Photos Since 1997

Top 5 Sex Scenes Involving Lingerie

Top 5 Frantic Sex Scenes

Nikon Ad Gets Boob On Their Face

Drew Grant — Wed, 13 May 2009 14:38:00 GMT

We can't imagine a lot of women rights' activists are going to be too happy with this supposed Nikon ad*, which compares the pixels size of their cameras to the size of a ladies, uh, certain appendage...

Oh, de pixels. It's French. They are much looser with their exploitation of unrealistic feminine beauty standards as portrayed by the mass media over there, you know.

*Copyranter points out that this ad is either fake or several years old, considering that most cameras now are 8-10 megapixels.

(Via)

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Boobs Pull Double Breasted (Burger) Ad

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 11 May 2009 18:30:00 GMT

The Australian fast food chain called Nando's has offended the nation's sensibilities once again with a demeaning ad that involves boobs, French fries, "funny accents," and boobs. There are also boobs.

A complaint that the ad encouraged discrimination against women was upheld, meaning that the ad - for the “Classic Double Breast Burger” has been pulled.

ASB CEO Fiona Jolly said: “While the Board recognised the intended humour, it also considered a significant proportion of the community would be offended and find there was an element of sexuality and objectification of women that was concerning.”

In Nando’s submission, the company claimed it had behaved with “sensitivity to the relevant audience”. It added: “As a company, we are very proud of our irreverent brand nature.”

Nice try, sexist pigs, you are hereby banned. Or: your ad is banned. Or: you get more publicity for being banned than any stupid fast food ad in which someone's boobs play a prominent role ever could have done for your chicken sandwich special.

Here is the ad that is no longer in question, due to the almighty Advertising Standards Bureau, aka the Bureau, n. "a chest" of "drawers":

What do you think? Harmless, hilarious, hideous?

Via mUmbrella.

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Lydia Hearst Bares Her B-Cups

Drew Grant — Fri, 08 May 2009 13:38:00 GMT

I almost wish that the Hearst touted by our generation was the gun-slinging Patty, what with her self-referential mocking in John Waters' films and badass history with Stockholm syndrome. But instead we get her daughter: Beautiful, brainless Lydia. She may be prettier to look at, but you'd never see her mother posing naked in Italian GQ or making a cameo in Gossip Girl unless she was making a wry political statement. In any case, here are some photos of the second best Hearst woman, without a shirt.

(Via)

Goldie Hawn Keeps Career Alive... with a Nipple Slip?

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 06 May 2009 15:48:00 GMT

When we wrote our Top 10 Sexiest Women Over 50 list last week, one reader surprised us by wondering where Goldie Hawn falls on the list. The answer: nowhere, since she has had obvious, terrible, and totally unnecessary plastic surgery. (We can argue about that elsewhere-- that's not the point here.)

As if to prove she's still sexy, Hawn this week becomes the first female celebrity in Hollywood over 50-- at least that we remember-- to flash a boob in public and get free and positive press for it...

Check out this guy below-- he's thinking, "Holy shit, I'm meeting my high school masturbation fantasy, Miss Goldie, and she's showing me her boob."

And so he reaches out to her...

Via this link.

Kiwis Krazy for Shirtless Servers

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 04 May 2009 22:50:00 GMT

First, there were breastaurants. Now, New Zealand has started a new trend-- dudes dressed like Chippendales dancers waiting on you, hand and foot, in a dining establishment...

They even have a company name that's too absurd to be true, so, of course, it is: Strip of Meat. Man meat, of course. The two gents pictured above are in charge of the waiter-for-hire operation, which is sort of like when Park Avenue socialites called up a Rent-A-Beatnik service in Greenwich Village in 1958 and amused themselves by listening to bad, "deep" poetry. Except with more pecs.

"I wasn't even wearing an apron, just a pair of underpants and a bow tie.

"It was a bit raunchy and made me realise there is a market out there."

The topless waiters were definitely not strippers and would normally be dressed in black trousers with an obligatory bow tie, he said.

Strip of Meat had already done a few hen's nights in Wellington but were also available for baby showers, dinner parties and even corporate functions.

Sign up now, ladies and (gay) gents, as the national news media has already ensured they'll be booked for the next 26 years, until they're all flabby from garbage-mouthing foie gras in your kitchen.

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Sloppy Seconds: Free Boobs!

Emily Farris — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 23:36:00 GMT

Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi has a penchant for pretty women (what politician doesn't?). And it's a source of "suffering" for his wife, Veronica Lario, she wrote in an open letter. [Yahoo!]

Simon Cowell joked that he's "secretly in love" with fellow American Idol judge Paula Abdul. And we wouldn't be all that surprised if he jerked off to the "Cold Hearted Snake" video back in the day... or if he still does. [Us]

After her double mastectomy, breast cancer survivor Christina Applegate says she still feels sexy, especially because her boyfriend, Dutch bass player Martyn Lenoble loves her "from head to toe." [People]

Is there no more bromance in the world? Chace Crawford is apparently looking to move out of the pad he shares with Gossip Girl co-star Ed Westwick. [PageSix]

Everyone can stop worrying about Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt. They're taking the necessary precautions to prevent catching swine flu (the swine flu?) while on their honeymoon in Mexico. Whew. We know we'll sleep better tonight knowing they're okay. [MTV]

Did California pageant officials buy homophobic Miss California, Carrie Prejean, new breasts? And if so, how do we get some? [Defamer]

Sloppy Seconds: Snipped Here, Screwed There

PapSmeared: Lindsay Lohan and Her Side Boob Could Use a Hamburger

Emily Farris — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 16:14:00 GMT

[Image]

Men Have Been Waiting For These Jessica Biel Topless Photos Since 1997

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 14:39:00 GMT

Ever since the maturity of Jessica Biel, readers of Maxim and other perpetual droolers have been wondering "when is Jessica Biel gettin naked aready ??!?" Surprisingly, she wasn't holding out for a period piece or an Oscar-worthy performance as a nun-cum-prostitute in a Ron Howard movie.

The lucky winners are the producers of Powder Blue, which apparently boasts nothing else noteworthy, since no one even seems to know what the plot of this film is. Here's what we've retained from reading various blogs, press notes, and reviews: Powder Blue has its theatrical release in two weeks, and four weeks after that, the movie has its DVD release. This movie must be so atrocious that the filmmakers don't even hold out hope it's going to have a substantial box office take after a month.

Click on any of the following set of photos to get a new window, then you'll be able to blow these up to their full glory.

And even though these delightful pictures are easier on the eyes than, say, severely washed-out photos taken in a darkroom, that's exactly what the final cut looks like:

Members of the Perv Club... this is definitely our rental for the June meeting...

Politician Probably Should've Taken Down Scandalous Facebook Profile First

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 21:26:00 GMT

This might be the first case of a political photo scandal on the internet eventually finishing off a politician's career. Ray Lam must be cursing the very existence of Facebook after two photos posted to his account caused him to drop out of an electoral grudge match.

Lam, who took down his Facebook account yesterday after the leak hit the Canadian press (the images above are of other Ray Lam's), didn't delete the photos from the web fast enough...

This photo, along with another one depicting Lam groping a woman's breasts, cost the candidate his standing in British Columbia's New Democratic Party and his spot on the ticket in a civil race. This is a setback for Canadian Scanner readers, for sure, as the Globe and Mail makes clear:

Mr. Lam's website says that he has a background in social services and non-profit groups.

Mr. Lam has been involved for several years with the Pride Society, a Vancouver-based advocacy group for the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered community. According to a Pride Society web site, Mr. Lam has been involved in several community organizations and was chair of Youthquest, Lesbian & Gay Youth Society of British Columbia.

So, if he's interested in all this gay activism, there is a strong possibility he's a homosexual, which means he wasn't even bothering these people sexually. Oh well-- behold the power of Facebook: it can't find anyone who believes it will last another two years, but it can bring down politicians with harmless "risque photos." Scary.

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Former Disco Dancer Shocks British TV Audiences With Latest Routine

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 16:12:00 GMT

A woman whose story reads like a 50's pulp novel survived multiple rapes, beatings from her mother, and a forced performance in a porno to become a disco dancing champion, before retiring to become a housewife. On Saturday night, she staged her second comeback on Britain's Got Talent, the Simon Cowell-run spectacle that has seen some serious competition lately.

But Fabia Cerra takes them all down, easy, in our book-- watch what happens when this polite, nervous size 20 sweetheart does after taking the stage for the live taping...

We apologize for this bootleg-quality YouTube video, but the others have embedding disabled. (You can watch the HQ version here.)

Here's what those pesky Union Jacks were covering up:

See you in the finals, Madame Cerra, although it seems some stuffy Brits won't be tuning in:

Ofcom revealed it has received 39 complaints since the programme aired while a further 40 viewers complained to ITV, according to the Telegraph.

Photos via the Daily Mail.

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What Country Has The Most Women Wearing DD Bras?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 18:10:00 GMT

We're betting you were going to guess "the United States of America" right off the bat. Don't.

According to a variety of sources, the average bra in the US is a B Cup, more specifically a 34B. (In a widely circulated survey in 2005, Americans were found to be wearing more B cups than C cups, 44% to 28%, and more A cups than D cups, 15% to 10%.)

If you were going to say the United Kingdom has the most double D's, guess again...

The winner of our unofficial and unscientific survey is... Australia!

Up to 40 per cent of Australian women now buy bras with a cup size of DD or higher, new figures from lingerie suppliers show.

In the 1950s, the most common bra-cup size was a B - three sizes less than a DD.

Modern breasts are getting so large that some bra companies have introduced cup sizes as high as K, The Sunday Telegraphreports.
...sales of DD-plus bras have grown from about 20 per cent of sales to 28 per cent in just five years.

The best line of the whole story explains that boobs are growing because of The Pill and artificial hormones... but, of course, because of obesity, as well. If that's the case, we have to wonder why the World's Fattest Country hasn't enlarged its average cup size.

Meanwhile, a local surgeon says his breast reduction schedule has doubled in recent years.

"There's no question that because the population is bigger their breasts are bigger as well, because it's all fatty tissue.

"As women get older the amount of fatty tissue increases, and also the proportion of fat increases."

America's Next Topless Model Is... The Judge

Happy National Cleavage Day

Purrrvert Kitty Kneads Breasts [VIDEO]

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Normal Breasts Gallery Bums Us Out

Today in the Apocalypse: The Only Survivors Will Be Cockroaches And Breastaraunts

Happy National Cleavage Day

Emily Farris — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 22:01:00 GMT

To celebrate this Wonderbra-sponsored holiday we will not push our own meager girls up, or even try to pretend we can make them look any bigger than the little apples they are. Instead we take look back at some of our favorite boob/cleavage/nip slip stories over the years. Enjoy. And you're welcome.

Beer-Crushing Breasts Get No Respect [October, 2007]

Happy Halloween! Your 10-Year-Old Is Showing Cleavage. [October, 2007]

Who is Katie Price and Why is Her Nipple All the Way Over There? [February, 2008]

Yes, Christina Aguilera Has Humongous Breasts [April, 2008]

The Open-Source Boob Project: How to Get Your Grope On Sci-Fi Convention Style [April, 2008]

Today in Food Porn: The Bacon Bra [April, 2008]

The Life-Saving Power of Breasts [May, 2008]

Yes, Christina Aguilera Has Humongous Breasts [May, 2008]

Me, Myself and My Breasts [June, 2008]

34FFF Breasted Sheyla Hershey Stacks Another Boob Job On There [June, 2008]

Coffee And Nuts Will Give You Manboobs [September, 2008]

Co-Ed Magazine Picks The 52 Best All-Natural Breasts... [October 2008]

Breastfeeding: If You Can Ask For It, You Don't Get To Do It [November 2008]

Amy Fisher Has a New(de) Pay-Per-View Special [January, 2009]

Arby's is Not Even Trying [February, 2009]

Woman Gets Breast Cancer, So Workplace Finds An Excuse To Fire Her [February, 2009]

eBay Removes Kerry Katona's Breast Implant [March, 2009]

Purrrvert Kitty Kneads Breasts [VIDEO]

Emily Farris — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 20:36:00 GMT

We think this is safe for work.

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[Via Buzfeed]

Top 5 Monica Bellucci Sex Scenes

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 21:08:00 GMT

When you delve into the careers of foreign actors and actress who do sex scene after sex scene in their films, you begin to realize that no one's ever seen any of these movies. They are just unlabeled clips that float around the internet until we see them and say, "This would be a great waste of everyone's time on a Friday afternoon."

That is definitely the case with Italian star Monica Bellucci, an actress everyone recognizes but no one knows where from. In her storied career, Bellucci, now 44, has starred in such classics as Shoot 'Em Up, Malena, The Passion of the Christ, the Matrix sequels, and The Brothers Grimm. Don't rent any of these movies-- just watch their most memorable scenes here...

5. Monica has sex with the camera in an unknown movie. Pretty self-explanatory, really.

4. Monica has sex with a lemon in Malena. Also, is it just us or is Morricone ripping off the theme from Godfather here?

3. Monica stands there while a man has sex with her, also in Malena. This would've been higher on the list if a) she wasn't basically being violated here and b) that kid wasn't in the way with his cryin' eyes.

2. Monica having sex with a guy (!) in a car wash in Combien tu m'aimes. Betcha ten bucks that crying kid is watching from inside the gas station booth.

1. Monica getting nailed to the wall by a mass murderer in Shoot 'Em Up. Well, as long as it's with Clive Owen, it can't be all that horrible can i-- oh, wait... yes, this is a pretty ridiculous sex scene. With a punchline, no less...

Honorable Mentions: Monica is naked in just about everything. For example, there's this, from Brotherhood of the Wolf and two other films here and here. Any of them could've been #1...

Top 5 Frantic Sex Scenes

Top 5 Threesome Sex Scenes

Gwyneth Paltrow Saves Joaquin Phoenix's Career With Boobs

Rosario Dawson Will Never Stop Having to Discuss Sex Scenes

Michelle Williams Strips, Seduces, Enjoys...

Today in the Apocalypse: The Only Survivors Will Be Cockroaches And Breastaraunts

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 20:04:00 GMT

My parents recently moved to Clearwater, Florida. Since then, I've come to learn that the town is known for two things, none of which is the nearly-deserted beach they live on: being the home of Scientology and the birthplace of Hooters. Make of that what you will, but let's just say that the holidays are going to be on the usual side from now on...

Florida has even created a new buzzword in order to have at least one story that doesn't involve monkeys escaping for zoos, crates full of pigs spilling all over the highways, and drunk people crashing through their neighbor's front rooms. That word is "breastaurants" and its king, Hooters, took in one billion dollars last year:

"People get in a fun atmosphere around Hooters, and I think they feel that," Bob Passwaters tells us. He's been doing marketing for Hooters for nearly two decades. "Of course, you have the girls and the food, kind of a neighborhood escape."
An escape where the food is inexpensive, and entrees are under $10.
These breastaurants offer a carefree atmosphere where Passwaters says, people can forget about the bad economy and eat a good meal.
"They just love getting away from sitting at their computer seeing all the bad news in the markets going down and this is going down," Passwaters told us. "Heck, let's go to Hooters and have some chicken wings and relax a bit."
Another reason breastaurants are seeing big success: local clientele. Regulars keep coming back for more.

Dude, they keep coming back because it's cheaper to have dinner and boobs at the same place than to have dinner, then head to the strip club for overpriced drinks, scary fake boobs and all the violence that has been taking place in the parking lots.

But hey, don't take our word for it... we're just there for the wings.

Via TampaBayConnects.

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Normal Breasts Gallery Bums Us Out

Colleen Kane — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 22:31:00 GMT

It's sad that something like the Normal Breasts Gallery is apparently necessary.

The headline at the top of of this web page reads, "Have you seen pictures of normal non-sexual breasts?"

It's part of a larger website by the Female Intelligence Agency, and the aim of this breasts gallery is actually pretty similar to the sculpture project we covered yesterday, which shows vaginas of all different types to prove that vaginas come in all shapes and sizes.

So it turns out the artificial ideal of large pert breast with small nipples as seen on TV, movies and magazines does not actually happen in nature that much. To see many of those variations (asymmetrical, small, large areaolas, etc.), visit the gallery.

Boobpedia: The Encyclopedia of Big Boobs

Big Brother Has Boobs and Our Attention

Hot or Not: The Doodle Bra?

Emily Farris — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 17:12:00 GMT

When we first heard about the Doodle Bra, we thought "of course, drawing on breasts!" Unfortunately, it's much less exciting than that—we think you're supposed to draw on the bra before putting it on. While we love boobs as much as the next guy, or gal, after reading the press release for the product and realizing that it's not marketed for grown women, or even couples, we're almost put off by it.

DOODLE BRA creates positive responses entertaining and engaging young ladies and girls while meeting the needs of essential under garments and providing a way for self expression at the same time.

The DOODLE BRA allows the customer to maximize their spending power by receiving happiness and entertainment for the value of purchasing the necessary garments alone.

The DOODLE BRA non-toxic washable markers, custom designer stencils, and DOODLE BRA Idea Booklet provide the tools for redesigning the garments over and over again for countless uses of pleasure and happiness.

The DOODLE BRA kit also provides the customer the ability to design this garment to match their existing outfits without having to purchase separate items.

DOODLE BRA is currently offering the bra package with the complete line of boutique items including: Camis, Panties, Boxers, Briefs and other garments soon to be available

What do you think? Sounds like the perfect companion to abstinence-only education!

[AdRants via Jezebel]

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Colorado Kids Want to Write About Sex and No One Can Stop Them

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 15:36:00 GMT

Because of a much-discussed state law, administrative advisers for Colorado's school newspapers are only allowed to offer suggestions and guide staffers along, while the kids make the final decisions.

This may be why the state's Arapahoe High School was able to publish an edition of their paper devoted to teen relationships, i.e. promiscuous sex...

According a local NBC news affiliate, the most recent issue of the Arapahoe Herald was devoted to the subject:

"Player spills inside details," features the sexual escapades of a male student.

"I constantly [get sex] even though I have a girlfriend," said the boy who assumed the fictitious name of Trey Costanda. He is also quoted saying, "The easiest way to get girls is to get them drunk, but that's not right."

"First of all, why would you print that in the school newspaper?" 18-year-old senior Jeff Malaterre asked. "Parents could get upset at the school for publishing something like that."

The other controversial profile in the article featured the story of an openly promiscuous girl, who assumed the fictitious name of Marie Cullen.

"You have to give boys what they want," she said in the article, "My main weapons are my [breasts]."

Cullen also talks about having eight sexual partners and details her first sexual experience.

Cullen... Cullen? From where could this young lady have lifted her moniker? Hmmm...

Seriously, could it be that the abstinence theme of Stephanie Meyer's Twilight books has, like all abstinence "programs" and general grandstanding, backfired and turned teens into irresponsible sexual, well, vampires?

Via 9News.

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Sloppy Seconds: M.I.A. Is the Most Badass Pregnant Woman on the Planet

Emily Farris — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 23:58:00 GMT

We don't care what anyone says about Lily Allen, we love her. And we love that she's selling her album, "It's Not Me, It's You," for $3.99. [Yahoo!]

Remember Sheyla Hershey with the racist KKK bra size? Turns out her boobs are filled with an entire gallon of silicone. [APP]

Lux Interior, the lead singer of 80's punk band the Cramps, is dead at 62. [MTV]

Miley Cyrus is not racist. Mmmkay? [Us]

OMFG! One of the NKOTB is not 2 STR8. At least according to the National Enquirer. If it's true, we're not all that surprised. [Jossip]

M.I.A. proves she's more badass than all the badass pregnant ladies (ever) combined: the rapper is going to perform at the Grammys. On her due date. [People]

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Sheyla Hershey and Her 34FFF Boobs May Be in for a World of Hurt

34FFF Breasted Sheyla Hershey Stacks Another Boob Job On There

[Image]

Kate Winslet on America's Nudity Double Standard

Emily Farris — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 18:26:00 GMT

There's been much ado about Kate Winslet's naked body lately. It's too thin, it's just right, it's airbrushed, "God bless your natural breasts!" (Oprah). It is a beautiful body. Women love it, men love it. Maybe because we've seen so much of it in the movies lately. But what have we been missing out on while we've been gawking at Kate? According to the Brit, penises.

When asked if there was a double standard when it comes to men's and women's nudity on screen, Kate said: "Um, yeah there is," K.W. dished, pausing while trying to figure out why that is. "Because, for some reason, people feel there's just more of a man you're not allowed to show."

Like movie, like blog. We feel you, Kate.

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Who Would You Rather: Tina Fey vs. Kate Winslet?

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Infidelity: Blame It On My Hormones

Emily Farris — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 19:09:00 GMT

Okay, not my hormones so much, because I apparently don't have high numbers of the hormone in question (though I wonder if it's available in pill form?). But according to a new study out of the University of Texas, women with high concentrations of oestradiol are more likely to cheat on their partners.

How do you know if you or your lady friend has high levels of oestradiol?

Well, is she hot?

High concentration of the hormone is associated with with big breasts, facial attractiveness and low waist-to-hip ratio.

Like we said, we obviously don't oestradiol coming out of our ears or anything (but we weren't joking when we asked about it in pill form) but women who do are "likelier to flirt, kiss and have a serious affair outside an established relationship" because "men solicit such women."

So, hot people are more likely cheat? Oh, sorry "sexy women" (see below).

[AP: Hormone drives sexy women to infidelity, says study]

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Emily Farris — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 16:21:00 GMT

[Image]

Sloppy Seconds: Keep Yer Areolae Off My Facebook, Mmmkay?

Emily Farris — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 23:51:00 GMT

While trying to find out if the double homicide I think I heard happen early yesterday morning really happened, I found out that Al Capone's home is for sale in Chicago for a mere $450,000. Still no word on the homicide. [Crime Scene KC]

Suri Cruise may very well be the cutest baby I've seen, like, ever, but I cannot get behind Tom and Katie going for nine more. I imagine Katie's vagina agrees. [Us]

I'd like to think I'm not the only woman out there who would bed Woody Harrelson. In fact, I know I'm not. He just got married. [People]

Madonna donated $2.6 million dollars to the Kabbalah Center in Los Angeles. She should have also paid a photographer not to take this close-up of her (not that I wouldn't mind looking like that at her age). [FadedYouth]

The folks at Facebook are apparently not fans of The Teet. Last year, the site's administrators took down photos of breastfeeding mothers because they featured "exposed breasts" which apparently violated the Terms of Use. A spokesman for Facebook says that only pictures where a nipple is fully exposed are problems, but some hip Facebook moms staged not only a virtual protest, they got out from behind their computers and suckling babes and demonstrated outside of Facebook's offices in California. [Jezebel]

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[Image]

This Blog Has Been Rated NC-17

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 15:14:00 GMT

See why after the jump.

As Emily noted in yesterday's Sloppy Seconds, some idiots over in the UK (rapidly become the near-police state we have across the pond) think it's wise to give blogs ratings. If so, we'll circulate a petition saying every blog will agree to rate themselves XXX, rendering the internet entirely useless for most people until a law is passed abolishing the ratings.

We've always hated the concept of blog, movie, or even video game ratings (for one thing, way to give away what we're going to see-- "Rated R for strong graphic violence and sexual content" and there hasn't been any of that in the first forty minutes? Well, we know how this is all going to wrap up, see?) However, we were unable to resist One Plus You's attempt to rank blogs in advance.

Here's how Scanner stacked up:

So, wouldn't a religious (wacko's) site railing against pornography, abortion, and women actually enjoying sex be NC-17 as well? Gotta love indiscriminate censorship...

Today in Studies that Freak Us Out: Breakfast and Sex

Emily Farris — Fri, 26 Dec 2008 17:01:00 GMT

We read quite a few news stories about studies here at Scanner. Generally, we pass them over, sometimes rolling our eyes, other times not even caring enough about the subject matter to waste the energy of actually moving our eyes. Today, however, we were intrigued by a headline and after reading the first paragraph—"that those who skipped breakfast in their early teens first had sexual intercourse at an average age of 17.5"— thought, "Holy Shit! That's us!" (Us, being me, Scanner Emily, natch).

Of course, the study was conducted in Japan, where apparently the average age for first sexual intercourse is 19. But still, holy creepy correlation, Batman!

The poll was conducted in September by asking people aged 16-49 to fill in questionnaires about the age at which they first had sex and their lifestyles when they were in grades seven to nine.

Kunio Kitamura, the researcher in charge of the poll for the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare, said the study showed some interesting correlations.

"While it is important to delay sexual activities in order to reduce unwanted pregnancies among young people, the result suggests that the family plays a major role for that (delay) to happen," he said.

"An appropriately regulated lifestyle may be making some people prudent about sexual activities."

Those who said they did not have happy memories of family life or those who expressed feelings of hatred toward their mothers also had a tendency to have sexual intercourse early, the poll suggested.

Those who said they disliked their mothers first had intercourse at an average age of 16, compared with 18.6 for those who said they hated their fathers.

Oh, Jeebus....

[ABC: Skipping breakfast linked with early first sex: study]

Related:

When '2 Become 1' Becomes 25 Cents, or How I Didn't Lose My Virginity to the Music of the Spice Girls

Is "Tech Sex" Somewhere Between Cyber Sex and Technical Sex?

ABC Calls Drunken Teenage Anal Sex "Love Making," Interviews Jezzies and Ultimately Tries to be Helpful

Your Frenemy's Christmas Gift: The Artifical Virginity Hymen

How Long Were You a "Technical Virgin?"

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(Bonkers) Woman Ejected From Giants Game For Big Boobs

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 21:18:00 GMT

You may have heard about the crazy, fame-hungry Sondra Fortunato and her attempt to make a football game worth watching this week.

Sondra wore fishnets, a Santa Suit, and ginormous fake boobies to the delight of Giants fans both at the stadium and on TV. For her troubles, she was unceremoniously booted from the game.

From her sadly-designed website:

Sondra has been honored to represent Miss Liberty @ certain functions. Her main area is character modeling & print. It seems where evershe goes people know her and receive her warmly, after all she is part of the show. [All typos and spelling/grammatical errors are hers.]

The Giants management disagreed with that self assessment. They objected to her tiara, leather boots, bathing suit... and Santa top. "Can't you come to the stadium dressed like a normal person?" The self-proclaimed Miss Football is unaware of her odd fashion sense, and so was baffled that anyone would think she was gross. "I guess some ladies got jealous and complained," she told the New York Post with a shrug.

Via various sources.

Related:

Ashlee Thinks We Don't See Them...

Emily Farris — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 18:46:00 GMT

But we do...

Sloppy Seconds: Pete Wentz and His Penis (and His Wife!) Win the Weird Baby Name Game

Who Would You Rather: Jessica Simpson vs. Ashlee Simpson Wentz

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