Scanner : boobies

New Bra Makes Your Boobs Look Bigger When You’re Turned On

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 15 May 2009 14:34:00 GMT

A new bra being sold overseas claims that, thanks to memory foam and natural sweat, it can boost your bosom when you're getting in the mood.

As if you needed another reason for men to stare at your breasts...

The bra, being sold this summer in the range of 25 English pounds, is the work of the Lisca lingerie company, out of Slovenia. (They're apparently the largest manufacturer in Eastern Europe and once used Donald Trump's latest wife as their spokesmodel-- if that helps you decide.)

The magic bra detects changes in body temperature brought on by sexual arousement and squeezes boobs together to create a bigger cleavage.

They are also able to automatically adapt to different temperatures to provide women with the perfect fit no matter how nippy it gets.

Special expanding foam in the cups will loosen or tighten to adapt to the size of the wearer’s breasts as they get hotter.

“It’s healthier than an ordinary bra because it will always provide the perfect fit,” said a company spokesman.

While we find it hard to believe women will see the need to accentuate their cleavage at specific intervals, the comfort factor has got to be pretty high with these things, no?

Via the Sun.

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Video of Jessica Biel Nude Scenes in Powder Blue, Compiled!

Drew Grant — Wed, 13 May 2009 21:33:00 GMT

Jessica Biel may be too busy crunching her abs or making sweet, sweet love to Justin Timberlake to comment on the apparently excessive nudity featured in her new film, Powder Blue, but that didn't stop some genius from putting together a montage of all Biel's best "acting," moments in the Christma-hooker drama. Watch her strip to Cat Power (no seriously, Biel got duped into starring in my freshman year boyfriend's Cinema 101 project), after the jump.

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Oh, So They Really Weren't Kidding About Carrie Prejean Being Topless

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 12 May 2009 15:50:00 GMT

At last... we have Carrie Prejean boob photos.

There are far more than the originally-promised ten, these are definitely pre-implants, and they are all professional shots of Carrie Prejean topless-- all of which disputes her initial assertion that there was only one photo, they were when she was 17 (you can tell by her face that she's old enough), and these weren't some casual bathroom pics given to a friend's talent scout or whatever.

Unfortunately, some moron released them to TMZ instead of us (or at least The Dirty), so they are all censored like the one above.

By the way, Donald Trump will announce... well, right around the time you're probably reading this... whether or not Carrie gets to keep her crown.

Via awful, lame-ass TMZ.com.

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Boobs Pull Double Breasted (Burger) Ad

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 11 May 2009 18:30:00 GMT

The Australian fast food chain called Nando's has offended the nation's sensibilities once again with a demeaning ad that involves boobs, French fries, "funny accents," and boobs. There are also boobs.

A complaint that the ad encouraged discrimination against women was upheld, meaning that the ad - for the “Classic Double Breast Burger” has been pulled.

ASB CEO Fiona Jolly said: “While the Board recognised the intended humour, it also considered a significant proportion of the community would be offended and find there was an element of sexuality and objectification of women that was concerning.”

In Nando’s submission, the company claimed it had behaved with “sensitivity to the relevant audience”. It added: “As a company, we are very proud of our irreverent brand nature.”

Nice try, sexist pigs, you are hereby banned. Or: your ad is banned. Or: you get more publicity for being banned than any stupid fast food ad in which someone's boobs play a prominent role ever could have done for your chicken sandwich special.

Here is the ad that is no longer in question, due to the almighty Advertising Standards Bureau, aka the Bureau, n. "a chest" of "drawers":

What do you think? Harmless, hilarious, hideous?

Via mUmbrella.

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These Claire Danes Nipple Slips Make Up For A Lack of Quality Nipple Slips This Week

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 08 May 2009 17:05:00 GMT

We read you loud and clear-- you couldn't find Goldie Hawn's nipples in close up. Hell, you didn't see Sasha Grey's boobs in two posts with her nipples in them. Obviously, someone is using Netscape Navigator or some other image-blurring browser that hates Scanner and boobs.

Thankfully, Claire Danes stepped up to the plate the other day and delivered a very obvious nipple. And in case you didn't see that-- she sure as hell didn't-- we bring you her Greatest Hits...

Remember to click on the photo for a new window/tab, then enlarge by clicking on it...

And her greatest hits-- two moments from an MTV interview a few years back. Happy now, whiners?

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Second Carrie Prejean Topless Photo Released... Will This Nightmare Ever End?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 08 May 2009 14:46:00 GMT

After days of torture, America's nightmare drought of covered-up topless photos of hypocrtic beauty pageant losers/winners is finally over: TheDirty put up a photo of Carrie Prejean, which we have here (you're going to be disappointed, we guarantee it), which immediately resulted in ridiculous controversy...

Our first reaction: isn't this just a reverse image of the first one? But no, it's from the same session... but remarkably horrible quality, especially when paired up, as above, with the initial photo. This might have something to do with why no one's sure about its validity:

But a rep for Prejean told Access Hollywood the photo is not her. The rep acknowledged that photo shows Prejean’s head, but that “it appears to have been Photoshopped.”

The rep went on to say that Prejean maintains that one photo was taken during that session, “as far as she can remember.” Her rep noted that the photo was taken four years ago and “her memory might be faulty.”

Prejean’s rep also told Access the photo was taken by a friend of Prejean’s, who sent it to an agent, but that she “can’t remember his name.” The rep said they believe the agent might be responsible for releasing the photo to TheDirty.com.

According to her rep, Prejean has contacted the Web site and asked them to stop using her photo.

TheDirty claims it was never contacted by Prejean, has not spoken with anyone's "agent," and the photo is not Photoshopped. On that last one, we have to ask how can they be sure? The quality is beyond atrocious-- it could be a fake, a very good one at that, for all anyone knows.

But one thing is for sure-- if there are more of these to come, Prejean's claims that a) she was 17 at the time, making these child porn (she sure doesn't look 17-- although, wow, it's safe to say the woman pictured above is 20 times better looking than cross-eyed and fake-breasted Miss California) and b) she only had one photo taken? Those kinds of claims are going to help TheDirty's case and the pageant officials in their quest to strip you of your crown.

P.S. Honestly-- who takes off their top for a modeling photo and only takes one shot? She is definitely lying.

Via The Dirty.

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Lydia Hearst Bares Her B-Cups

Drew Grant — Fri, 08 May 2009 13:38:00 GMT

I almost wish that the Hearst touted by our generation was the gun-slinging Patty, what with her self-referential mocking in John Waters' films and badass history with Stockholm syndrome. But instead we get her daughter: Beautiful, brainless Lydia. She may be prettier to look at, but you'd never see her mother posing naked in Italian GQ or making a cameo in Gossip Girl unless she was making a wry political statement. In any case, here are some photos of the second best Hearst woman, without a shirt.

(Via)

Goldie Hawn Keeps Career Alive... with a Nipple Slip?

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 06 May 2009 15:48:00 GMT

When we wrote our Top 10 Sexiest Women Over 50 list last week, one reader surprised us by wondering where Goldie Hawn falls on the list. The answer: nowhere, since she has had obvious, terrible, and totally unnecessary plastic surgery. (We can argue about that elsewhere-- that's not the point here.)

As if to prove she's still sexy, Hawn this week becomes the first female celebrity in Hollywood over 50-- at least that we remember-- to flash a boob in public and get free and positive press for it...

Check out this guy below-- he's thinking, "Holy shit, I'm meeting my high school masturbation fantasy, Miss Goldie, and she's showing me her boob."

And so he reaches out to her...

Via this link.

Rolling Stone Somehow Convinces Sasha Grey to-- Gasp-- Pose Nude

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 05 May 2009 20:42:00 GMT

Rolling Stone jumped on the Sasha Grey-mainstream-breakout bandwagon this week when it featured the porn star-turned-legit-actress in its most recent issue.

Although Grey is a highly intelligent individual, capable of captivating a reader with her hard-earned wisdom, it's obvious no one's buying this magazine, as they say, "for the articles..."

In her featured profile, the 21-year-old scream queen (of the other kind) discussed the thing she hates most about her day job:

Sasha Grey is the adult industry’s reigning princess of porn, a rock & roll 21-year-old with an actual mission statement — “Most of the XXX I see is boring, and does not arouse me physically or visually. I am determined and ready to be a commodity that fulfills everyone’s fantasies” — and few taboos.
“I don’t need to see genitalia up close; I don’t need to see a dirty yellow couch against a white wall. I want to see something different, like this is not exciting to me."
"If you look at me and you think 'Here’s a woman who’s intelligent, cognizant and making her own choices, and you still tell me that what I’m doing is wrong, screw you, because that should end the debate.'"

The article goes on to mention Grey's ten years of acting lessons and her interest in breaking into Hollywood-- but not by doing Michael Bay-type Blockbusters. She wants to be an indie darling along the lines of a Parker Posey or Lili Taylor. What do you think? Is it too late to save Sasha or are porn stars the next superstars?

We've been reading Rolling Stone for years and this is the first time we've seen a (celebrity) nipple. Click on the photos for larger images.

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Victoria's Secret Suit

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 05 May 2009 16:18:00 GMT

Hey ladies-- and gents who like that sort of thing-- do your Victoria's Secret bras bother the living hell out of you?

You're not alone, as we found out from this story out of Cleveland, Ohio...

It turns out there's a big class action lawsuit in the works, with up to 2,000 pairs of boobs claiming damages, brought about by a guy who makes the ambulance-chasing John Travolta character from A Civil Action look like John Paul the Second. (He's quoted as saying about the tit-tarnishing: "All of the women's breasts looked alike," said attorney John Climaco of Cleveland. "It brought tears to your eyes. They're scarred.") What brought tears to this po' countray boy's eyes is described as a rash in the cleavage that irritates the bejesus outta the ladies.

The lawsuit accuses the retailer and its Columbus-based parent company, Limited Brands Inc., of misrepresenting the safety of their products, failing to warn customers of problems and concealing knowledge of defective merchandise.

The women seek in excess of $5 million combined, plus compensation for medical expenses, pain and mental anguish.

At first, [plaintiffs] Ritter and Climaco attributed her afflictions to formaldehyde, a chemical used in clothing manufacturing to help retain shapes. But that strategy fell through after independent tests failed to find formaldehyde in Victoria's Secret bras and concluded that Ritter was not allergic to the chemical.

Whoops. If you have the same symptoms, you might want to start your own case-- we're better this is going to get tossed in no time.

Via the Cleveland Plain Dealer.

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The Art of the Nude Supermodel

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The Art of the Nude Supermodel

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 18:22:00 GMT

Russell James is the supermodel's photographer. He has worked for Sports Illustrated, Vogue, and Marie Claire and photographed pretty much every "name" model on the planet, including Gisele Bundchen, seen above on the cover of James' new book.

The photographer is particularly known for his nude snaps, many of which you've seen time and again on Scanner...

The 300-page self-titled book is the result of ten years of great art from the former host of VH-1's The Shot. James himself was unavailable for comment at press time to comment, but we know from reading press about him in the past that he is currently documenting the Aborigines in Australia and directing televison commericals for Victoria's Secret and others.

Here's something to tide you over before your copy arrives. In order: Adriana Lima (her second photo here may not be in the book, but you won't mind), Heidi Klum, and Karolina Kurkova.

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"You Traitor Pig!"

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 15:34:00 GMT

Yesterday, we showed you why it's important to avoid Facebook when you're pretending to need a sick day from work.

Today, we'll show an even more dangerous trap users can fall in to-- especially if those users are planning on having a wild bachelor party...

A guy, known in the media as Antonio M., was tagged in a photo on the social networking site-- the photo, it so happens, featured what appears to be a naked stripper behind him. (In the first place, nudity isn't allowed on the website-- so why did he even bother?) Instead of yelling at him for hanging out with naked women, his fiancee flipped the fuck out: she and a friend printed hundreds of posters (see above) and tacked them up around their Italian town, particularly near his office, the homes of their mutual friends, and other places of interest during their relationship. She called him a "traitor pig" for cavorting with this young woman, although there really isn't any evidence he did anything but have a stripper at his bachelor party (or attend a strip club or something similar.)

It doesn't matter-- 28-year-old Valerie A. signed the letter "your former betrothed bride and the 548 guests of our wedding."

Via Metro.

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Girls, Girls, Girls: World's Greatest Strip Club Reopens, Is Hiring Hundreds of Broads

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 18:15:00 GMT

The Body Shop in West Hollywood, California, is the world's top strip club, hands down. It's not about class or style or even decent drink prices. It's about history.

All those historic touchstones were burned away thanks to an electrical fire in 2008, but that hasn't ended owner Salah Almudarris' dream of dominating the entire state's strip club market...

Almudarris reopened his club on Thursday with a reduced staff-- and he claims to be seeking up to 500 strippers (!) to add to his roster. My God, where does he fit them all? With approximately 50 girls dancing a night, each making between several hundred and $1,000, the Body Shop is small but important part of the local economy-- after all, the club doesn't have a liquor license, so customers are encouraged to frequent area bars before stepping inside.

Two key facts before we get to the historic photos: 1) The club was immortalized in that "classic" Motley Crue song Girls, Girls, Girls and 2) Megan Fox fell in love with a stripper here, as reported by every major media outlet last year, including Scanner.

What the...? Dirty old gnome, get your own partially-nude woman...

Via SFGate (right-click to open in new tab/window.)

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Nintendo DS Boob Cover So Cute, We Want To Cover Everything With Boobs

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 17:48:00 GMT

We don't really understand the need to spend four hours a day playing video games, as many people who own video games do. But then to take a portable gaming device on the subway to play it all the way to 86th St.? That's just excessive.

Playing video games by oneself has always seemed kind of pathetic-- what, real life sports or conversation isn't stimulating enough that you want to play a fighting game alone?-- but now the Nintendo DS has gotten a whole lot sexier, thanks to one unidentified artiste.

The following boob-related cover for the DS makes the gaming device almost sexy and appealing... we said "almost."

Unfortunately, it's not for sale.

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Men Have Been Waiting For These Jessica Biel Topless Photos Since 1997

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 14:39:00 GMT

Ever since the maturity of Jessica Biel, readers of Maxim and other perpetual droolers have been wondering "when is Jessica Biel gettin naked aready ??!?" Surprisingly, she wasn't holding out for a period piece or an Oscar-worthy performance as a nun-cum-prostitute in a Ron Howard movie.

The lucky winners are the producers of Powder Blue, which apparently boasts nothing else noteworthy, since no one even seems to know what the plot of this film is. Here's what we've retained from reading various blogs, press notes, and reviews: Powder Blue has its theatrical release in two weeks, and four weeks after that, the movie has its DVD release. This movie must be so atrocious that the filmmakers don't even hold out hope it's going to have a substantial box office take after a month.

Click on any of the following set of photos to get a new window, then you'll be able to blow these up to their full glory.

And even though these delightful pictures are easier on the eyes than, say, severely washed-out photos taken in a darkroom, that's exactly what the final cut looks like:

Members of the Perv Club... this is definitely our rental for the June meeting...

Former Disco Dancer Shocks British TV Audiences With Latest Routine

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 16:12:00 GMT

A woman whose story reads like a 50's pulp novel survived multiple rapes, beatings from her mother, and a forced performance in a porno to become a disco dancing champion, before retiring to become a housewife. On Saturday night, she staged her second comeback on Britain's Got Talent, the Simon Cowell-run spectacle that has seen some serious competition lately.

But Fabia Cerra takes them all down, easy, in our book-- watch what happens when this polite, nervous size 20 sweetheart does after taking the stage for the live taping...

We apologize for this bootleg-quality YouTube video, but the others have embedding disabled. (You can watch the HQ version here.)

Here's what those pesky Union Jacks were covering up:

See you in the finals, Madame Cerra, although it seems some stuffy Brits won't be tuning in:

Ofcom revealed it has received 39 complaints since the programme aired while a further 40 viewers complained to ITV, according to the Telegraph.

Photos via the Daily Mail.

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B-List British Celebrities Finally Realizing Fake Boobs Won't Help Anything

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 16:31:00 GMT

The Sun and The Daily Mail are competing today, as always, over who has the better stor(ies) about Grade-Z reality show stars with breast implants.

One thing everyone seems to agree on is that the tide has turned against gigantic boobs on the isle across the pond...

We reported earlier on B-list model Kerry Katona having her implants removed for a charitable eBay auction. Now comes the story of Chantelle Houghton, a former contestant on Celebrity Big Brother (why she was considered a celebrity before the show, we're not entirely sure), broke out from the show when she underwent a makeover, divorce, and boob job all in a row. Now, she says, maybe that wasn't the world's greatest plan:

'They're just too big. Now I just want to hide them. I thought I wanted to go up to that size and I loved them at the time, but now I wish I'd never had them done.'
'I'm very bad at making decisions and I just change my mind really quickly, so I do regret it now. Looking back, I did it for the attention. I realise it was a cry for help.'
She now visits a physio twice a week for back pain caused by the heavy implants.
She has said: 'They're taking over my life.'

Meanwhile, singer Michelle Heaton skipped the boob job, but kept the makeover and divorce, and is now the darling of all British tabloids. Could this headlining story today-- which was about a simple photo shoot spoofing Cindy Crawford's recent Allure spread-- be a sign of things to come for Britain?

The former Liberty X singer - ever the publicity-lover - slipped into a midriff-baring cut-out swimsuit and energetically tore up a loaf of white bread in an effort to recreate the supermodel's latest photoshoot which appeared in Allure magazine last month.
Michelle is apparently enjoying a new burst of confidence after losing two stone on a strict no-carb diet and is eager to show off the results.

Before you get all excited that Britain is now into healthy body images, check out this ad series from fake-boobed Lucy Pinder. These have been playing again recently and are still sweeping the nation...

Via the Daily Mail: here and here.

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Padma Lakshmi Suddenly, Surprisingly Naked

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 16:58:00 GMT

The nude issue of Allure, which is out Tuesday the 21st of April, promises to be a smash success, thanks to the naked presence of Eliza Dushku, Chelsea Handler, Sharon Leal, Lynn Collins, and the hostess with the most sexiness, Padma Lakshmi.

The Top Chef star talked to the magazine about her breasts, her body, and sleeping in the nude-- in that order...

ALLURE: What did you do to prepare for the shoot?
PADMA LAKSHMI: "I exercised a little bit extra, but I actually think I look better when I have a little bit of weight on—my breasts are fuller, and I'm curvier than when I'm at my thinnest."

ALLURE: Are you confident about your body?
PL: "Yes; I like the way I look. I think I look better now than I did in my 20s, because I'm more confident about my body—and I don't want to look like anyone but myself."

ALLURE: Do you sleep naked?
PL: "I tend to sleep in the nude. I'm an innately tactile person and a very sensual-leaning woman. You have to use the word 'leaning' or it sounds like I'm boasting! When I'm in my own private space, I do spend time with very little on."

Emphasis added. Here are some more partial-nudes of Lakshmi from a photo shoot we've only recently discovered...

As we mentioned, Eliza Dushku and others also posed "nude" for the Allure issue...

ALLURE: What about [getting naked] these days?
ED: "I'll strip down to my underwear and my Ugg boots when I eat lunch in my trailer."

Sharon Leal, formerly of Boston Public and Guiding Light, and recently of Dreamgirls, was a bit shaky on the whole nudity thing:

ALLURE: What happened when you dropped the robe?
SL: "I just breathed and said to myself, 'I'm comfortable, I'm beautiful; I'm comfortable, I'm beautiful,' until I didn't have to say that anymore.... It's liberating, but posing once may be enough."

Chelsea Handler, the talk show host and standup comic, practically leapt at the chance to show off:

ALLURE: What was it like on the set?
CH: "I think it was easy—you're naked a couple times a day, so I think it would be easy for most women."
ALLURE: What body parts are you most proud of?
CH: "My boobs are good. They're real and perky. Even if you can't see them, the important thing is that I know about them, and the guys I've slept with know about them."

Lynn Collins, star of the recent bootleg sensation X-Men Origins: Wolverine agreed:

LYNN COLLINS: "Women with confidence in their bodies are the sexiest thing, so I put on my cape of courage and did it. It was quite liberating!"
ALLURE: What body part were you nervous to expose?
LC: "He shot that place where your butt meets your thigh. It's a special place on a woman; it's a highly erogenous zone, but it's one of the hardest places to get in shape."

Via Allure.

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What Country Has The Most Women Wearing DD Bras?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 18:10:00 GMT

We're betting you were going to guess "the United States of America" right off the bat. Don't.

According to a variety of sources, the average bra in the US is a B Cup, more specifically a 34B. (In a widely circulated survey in 2005, Americans were found to be wearing more B cups than C cups, 44% to 28%, and more A cups than D cups, 15% to 10%.)

If you were going to say the United Kingdom has the most double D's, guess again...

The winner of our unofficial and unscientific survey is... Australia!

Up to 40 per cent of Australian women now buy bras with a cup size of DD or higher, new figures from lingerie suppliers show.

In the 1950s, the most common bra-cup size was a B - three sizes less than a DD.

Modern breasts are getting so large that some bra companies have introduced cup sizes as high as K, The Sunday Telegraphreports.
...sales of DD-plus bras have grown from about 20 per cent of sales to 28 per cent in just five years.

The best line of the whole story explains that boobs are growing because of The Pill and artificial hormones... but, of course, because of obesity, as well. If that's the case, we have to wonder why the World's Fattest Country hasn't enlarged its average cup size.

Meanwhile, a local surgeon says his breast reduction schedule has doubled in recent years.

"There's no question that because the population is bigger their breasts are bigger as well, because it's all fatty tissue.

"As women get older the amount of fatty tissue increases, and also the proportion of fat increases."

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Why Marisa Tomei Finally Went Naked

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 18:04:00 GMT

Marisa Tomei gave an interview to TotalFilm this month on her career and, most importantly to readers, her decision to accept a series of roles that required sex and nakedness.

We hesitate to use the term "revealing" when describing this excerpt (and accompanying NSFW photos, of course), but maybe that's because the pun is so obvious...

"I definitely feel like I didn't want to do that kind of thing when I was younger because I didn't think that it was something a serious actress would do, in a way there is validity to that...
"It's harder to be taken seriously when you're younger, doing [nude scenes] but I've also come to a point of being able to handle the reaction to it - that probably would have been more difficult when I was younger."
On finally undressing for The Wrestler and Before The Devil Knows You're Dead: "I did those two movies because I was grateful to have them come along, frankly.
"I wanted to work with Sidney Lumet and Ethan [Hawke] and Phil [Seymour Hoffman] and Albert Finney.
"Actually, I wasn't so thrilled about the nudity package that was coming with it, but it was the best thing that was offered to me at the time and I really wanted to work, and I trusted Sidney so much.
"Maybe growing older there's an inner sense of what I can trust and I knew I could trust him. So it came out of that." [Press Association]

Growing older or not, this was worth the wait. Keep 'em coming, you amazingly talented, sexy, and very naked "older woman..."

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TSA Shows Some T&A

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 21:08:00 GMT

Hasn't the Transportation Security Administration embarrassed us enough by smelling our stinky shoes, emptying all the expired condoms out of our pockets, and pretending to throw away our open containers of beer (which, no doubt, they keep in a separate "recycling bin")?

Apparently not. You're gonna love how much tits, ass, peen, and whatnot the baggage screeners are going to get a glimpse of if these new X-ray machines are put to use...

The first two images are of a female (note the glorious X-ray boobies), while the right two images are of a male (note that weiner.) Here's a detail:

Believe it or not, this doesn't violate our no-genitals policy because, well, we got these from a legitimate news source, via Twitter, the world's finest news source.

By the way, if you want to avoid having one of these TSA searches, don't fly out of the airport in Salt Lake City, Utah, the only place these New World Order strip searches have gone into effect.

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Bai Ling Trying To Make Mickey Rourke Regret Dumping Her

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 21:12:00 GMT

Today's Gawker and an edition of the New York Post are excited to report on superstar genius man-actor Mickey Rourke's revived love life. First, they point out, Mickey fended off Bai Ling, going stag to the Oscars, and now faces rumors that a Russian model is trying to use him for fame.

Both sources claim an unnamed "pop star/model" is leaking gossip to Russia's tabloids about her plans to marry the actor. Yeah, and I'd like to announce my engagement to Anne Hathaway, while we're at it.

Meanwhile, Bai Ling is doing some leaking of her own-- namely, these nude photos-- in an attempt to rebound from Rourke.

And the classics that captured his imagination in the first place...

Click the photos for the larger image.

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Top 10 TV Nipple Slips and Wardrobe Malfunctions

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 18:59:00 GMT

You know, because Janet Jackson wasn't the first one to lose her outfit live on national television...

It's difficult to imagine, we know, but even game shows in the 60s and 70s were famous for nipple slips. Luckily, YouTube, Google Video and other online sources have managed to salvage some of the most memorable moments. They're all pretty much two seconds long, but this will make you a better future Trivial Pursuit contestant... since you know that's all that we're going to talk about in 20 years, the way our Idiocracy is going.

Here are ten in no particular order...

Ron Jeremy's High School Play Video Leaked!

Tara Reid Wishes She Was Actually Listening To What The Little People Were Yelling About

Jennifer Hawkins (the 2004 Miss Universe) Returns to Australia to Moon Her Hometown

The Match Game (okay, this is more of a "nipple slip" of the tongue, but hey... break it up a bit, ya know)

Eva Mendes Was Really Asking For It This Time

N Is For Nipples - TV Show Host Flashes Kids

Haven't Seen This Janet Jackson Nip Slip Before... Is It New?

They Let the Wrestlers Beat Up the Refs, But An Ass And Nipple Slip Is An Ejection?!

As Bob Barker Says, "She came on down and they came on out!" [sfw]

And finally, Meredith Viera pulls a Justin Timberlake on Helen Mirren:

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Caption This: Agyness Deyn And Her Friend's See-Through

Audrina Partridge Already Reduced to Nude Advertisements

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 16:10:00 GMT

Audrina Partridge is gearing up to star in a (hilariously awful!) spinoff of (the hilariously awful!) MTV fiction show The Hills.

Partridge and her ridiculous breast implants are apparently worthy of their own sitcom, since Partridge was such an exciting addition to The Hills that the 30-program could hardly cram in all her personal and professional trials and tribulations. Those mainly consisted of sitting around a pool, talking in an annoying voice, and not pretending to get married in Mexico.

So, MTV decided it can't have Partridge promote her upcoming series by going on "talk" shows, because it doesn't want to scare off its last two potential viewers. Instead, Partridge landed a deal with Divine Rights of Denim jeans, which continues the trend of having celebrity spokespeople pose nude to advertise their lame products...

Have we vented enough yet? Good.

By the way, the ads are above and directly below, followed by what you really clicked on this for: the lost nude Audrina Partridge photos.

More of the Divine Rights shoot here.

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Even Christians Admit That Abstinence Pledges Don't Work

Emily Farris — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 16:07:00 GMT

We liberal athiests can talk all we want about the fact that virginity pledges and purity rings don't really work, but even with statistics, it's just us against them. But when Christian bloggers start writing about it, we have to ask: I can haz sex education?

Mark Gungor, a writer for the Christian Post writes:

A recent survey showed that teens who take abstinence pledges are just as likely to have sex and are less likely to take precautions against pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Many in the faith community are disheartened by such study results, but I can see how this happens. And it’s not a problem with the kids; it’s a problem of parenting. Parents assume because the church is doing something like having the kids make abstinence pledges and wearing promise rings, they don’t have to do anything. Parents are not taking their responsibility to parent and raise these kids; they get them to take the pledge and then take their hands off. They allow these young men and young women to spend inordinate amounts of time together alone and think that a purity ring on their finger is going to be the magic force field of protection. Listen, for teenagers to have sex, they have to have the opportunity to have sex and poor parenting is giving them the opportunities.

Unfortunately, he goes on to advocate for less privacy for teens. You know, don't let your kids hang out alone in the basement. But hey, at least he uses the word boobies:

I am stunned at how blatantly stupid some Christian parents seem to be when it comes to sexual things. They let their kids watch all kinds of blatantly sexual images in movies and on television with little thought of how those images and messages can affect them. I know of a pastor friend who allowed his young daughter to see the movie Titanic at least 11 times. This same pastor was all worried about anything she saw that he deemed to be satanic, like Harry Potter, but not at all concerned about his 14 year old daughter learning the lessons found in a movie like Titanic. And the lessons are very simple: If you really like a boy you can let him see your boobies and he can draw pictures of your boobies, and if you really like him, you can have sex with him two days later…

Look, the chances of your teenage daughter wanting to jump on a broom and fly around the room are pretty low. But, the chances that your daughter’s boyfriend will want to touch her boobies, well… I’d give that a pretty big chance, wouldn’t you? Talk about straining at a gnat and swallowing a camel! We need to get our priorities straight.

What he forgot to mention are the chances your daughter will want to dry hump the hell out of that broom. And parents: let her do that.

[Christian Post: Abstinence Pledges Fail]

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While You Were Sleeping: Barack Obama In Big Trouble

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 14:04:00 GMT

Scanners Brian, Emily, and Colleen were at the Bust Party at SXSW last night, during which Dinosaur, Jr. made a surprise appearance. Needless to say, blogging will be slow this morning, with more activity later on...

The man himself-- Bruce Springsteen-- did The Daily Show.

This guy didn't realize everyone on the train he was supposed to be operating could see his penis.

Unfortunately, most of the spectators probably enjoyed this "catfight," in which boobs were bared.

We missed out on the news that PETA celebrated St. Patrick's Day in their own special way.

We heard about the topless bar in Austin that was busted for featuring a sixteen-year-old girl.

Seth Rogen calls his own back hair "glorious."

Barack Obama needs to stop making jokes. About anyone and anything-- it's making him sound more out of touch than Al Gore.

And right-wing crazies at WorldNet Daily believe teens are drinking poison to induce abortions. What do you think?

Sarah Palin Porn Ain't Goin' Nowhere, No Ho Ho Ho

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 16:10:00 GMT

John McCain's selection of Sarah Palin as his running mate was an unqualified disaster. Not only did voters flee from the novel idea of a female vice President (at least-- this potential female vice president), but they abandoned the Republican Party in greater numbers than ever.

Since the election, Sarah Palin's continued quest for the spotlight has further doomed the Party's chances for taking the White House. There was that whole incident with the turkey and the reenactment of that scene from Fargo. There is that whole string of ethics scandals. And, at last, the Bristol-Levi shotgun wedding sham was finally given up, since the voters no longer cared if the kids "did the right thing."

About the only successful enterprise involving Sarah Palin seems to be Naylin' Paylin, the Hustler-sponsored porn film. Now, Larry Flynt and company are shooting a sequel, which promises to keep Palin in the public eye for a lot longer... if only in the eyes of bugging-out pervs...

From Fleshbot (and via AVN):

Hustler cashed in on the election hype with a quickie follow-up called Obama's Nailin' Paylin, featuring a bonus scene with Guy DiSilva as President Obama.
Why another Palin movie now?
"We'll keep doing it as long as we can get away with it," said Hustler exec Jeff Thill.

Lisa Ann, a.k.a. "Serra Paylin" (why bother to change the spelling at all when the name is pronounced the same way?) is on a strip club tour that stops in Hardeeville, South Carolina next month and other locations TBA. Meanwhile, Hustler is gearing up for Hollywood's Nailin' Paylin, a semi-sequel to their smash of last year.

We're guessing the plot involves Paylin going to Hollywood to seduce rich megastars (of the porn world) in the hopes they will back yet another one of her doomed bids for higher office. Wait, sorry-- did we say plot? It's probably just going to be a whole lotta this:

Related:

The Sarah Palin Porno... Revealed

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Leave Bristol Palin Alone?

While You Were Sleeping: Sarah Palin Is A Big, Whiny Phony

Scanner Emily vs. Sarah Palin

eBay Removes Kerry Katona's Breast Implant

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 17:04:00 GMT

Kerry Katona did two things right: one, she went on MTV in the UK and had her 34-double-G's removed. Those fake boobs were ridiculous and very unattractive (to our minds.)

The second thing she did was even more inspired-- she autographed one of those implants and put it on eBay for The Breast Cancer Campaign...

According to Fox News, which we will quote from here so you don't have to give them any of your page views, eBay then did the dumbest thing imaginable: it pulled the auction.

"The implant was on eBay and I believe the idea was to raise money for Breast Cancer Campaign," a rep for the charity told Tarts. "However eBay have now taken the item off because people were putting fake bids in, £8 million ($11.34 million US) at one point."

But according to eBay it wasn’t bogus bidders that resulted in the item being removed, it was actually Katona who broke the rules.

"Our policy team weighed in and said that this auction was removed for the Charity Violation contained within the item description as there was no letter of written consent by eBay's Office of the President to allow the item to be sold under our Charity guidelines," an eBay rep told Tarts.

Oh, shut up, eBay. You're just a bunch of conservative whimps that always side with the ripoff artists when they claim to have never received expensive items from honest sellers. And your conservative founder is running to further ruin the state of California as a Republican governor. eBay, you should know, we have negative feedback to give you.

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Ryanair Stewardess Wants You to Join Her Mile High Club

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 16:21:00 GMT

Last week, we presented exclusive footage of a stewardess and a pilot attempting to join the other kind of Mile High Club. In July, we showed you a video of a Ryanair press conference in which several executives announced planes for "blow jobs in business class," a joke that may have been taken literally by one stewardess.

Fleshbot and other porn blogs have outed Edita Bente, internet porn sensation, as Ryanair stewardess Edita Schindlerova, which is a way better porn name anyway.

Save your "I'd like to violate her airspace" jokes for after the jump...

Bente tells The Sun that, following her appearance in Ryanair's yearly calendar, in which she starred wearing a bikini, a coworker discovered her moonlighting gig and outed her to staff:

"I had this shit a year ago with a pilot with nothing better to do than check the Internet," she said.

Wow. Way to attack your base, Bente. Pervs have feelings, too, ya know.

Thanks to Fleshbot for the heads up.

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The Mile High Club Takes On A Whole New Meaning...

Zac Efron Mud Wrestles A Nude Model

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 16:36:00 GMT

High School Musical star Zac Efron is waiting for his Bigger Break.

The 21-year-old star of three blockbuster Disney films has yet to make the mainstream leap. As he tells Gus Van Sant in this Interview interview, he doubts most big shot directors have even heard of him-- although "their daughters might."

VAN SANT: Is your schedule today really tight?

EFRON: Not today. I’m not really doing anything. I’m looking at some furniture, because I just got a new place, so I’m figuring out if I want this desk. I’m sitting at it right now. It’s a vintage Herman Miller desk from, like, 1940-something. I don’t know . . . I’m just deciding if I’m going to want it in my house, or if I’m just going to completely wreck it. [laughs] Herman Miller’s stuff is really, really modern, but they have some pretty brilliant designs. [Ed note: Herman Miller is credited with inventing the office cubicle.] I’m sitting at this desk, and it’s the most well-built thing I’ve ever sat at . . . It’s a beautiful piece. It’s got this amazing wood grain that I’ve never seen in any piece of furniture. It’s also a little pricey . . .

This could end up being an enlightening interview-- after all, how many celebrities expound on the merits of Herman Miller's work?

[On new movie 17 Again] At the time, it was the most unique opportunity that presented itself. There were several roles that I could have done where I would have played essentially another high school student, or they were romances or stories in a high school setting, and there were lots of things that people wanted to turn into musicals. But the whole idea of playing a 37-year-old guy as a 17-year-old was just the most exciting prospect for me. I was really intrigued by the idea. I’ve always been kind of an old man, so to speak.

Unfortunately, Efron still can't get no respect. All anyone wants to talk about is this photo:

Here's the flash of the session. Hmm... wonder what Vanessa Hudgens is up to these days...

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