Scanner : blake fielder civil

Sloppy Seconds: Stripper Fight

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 22:21:00 GMT

According to Jezebel, the love letter is dead but the breakup e-mail is strong with this generation.

Michelle Rodriguez from Lost flipped out at a wedding-- if you believe this nonsense story.

But what happens when the pants come off? Push-up underwear for men isn't expected to go over big with Croatian women.

The Craigslist Killer may have murdered to help cover his gambling debts. Dumbasses-- don't gamble what you don't have in your bank account or you'll end up like this guy.

If you have a sword and dress like a ninja and are attempting to commit robberies, a dry cleaner is probably low on your list of priorities.

While wife Amy suffered burns on her leg due to... um... "a cooking accident," Blake Fielder-Civil has demanded his lover allow him to take a paternity test.

A woman who works for Fox61 in Connecticut was arrested twice in three hours in the same neighborhood and by the same officer, both times for driving drunk.

The Seinfeld adult film spoof is real... and features the Porn Nazi.

And a 52-year-old stripper, enjoying her first day on the job, was stabbed in the eye by a jealous co-worker.

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: Because Breast Milk is Cheaper Than Cow's Milk?

Sloppy Seconds: Elisha Cuthbert Survives Harrowing Hit-And-Run

Jesus Died For Somebody's Sins, But Not Mine

We Finally Figured Out Why Marilyn Manson Dumped Dita Von Teese...

It's Like Reefer Madness But With Dogs

While You Were Sleeping: Sex Tape Blackmail

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 13:56:00 GMT

Spinal Tap confirmed they will play an acoustic tour that will hit Vancouver, Seattle, New York, and several other North American cities.

Eddie Murphy will finally get what he always wanted? No, not an Oscar-- it's the chance to play Richard Pryor.

Last year, we brought you the story of a man who had sex with a park bench... had his dick caught in that park bench, then went through four hours of hell as... okay, we'll stop there. Just read this Cracked list about having sex with inanimate objects.

Bartering is the new e-bay.

A guy who had sex with another man, whom he later discovered is a married father and decided to blackmail, has been sentenced to a mere four months in prison.

We were pretty sure this is a joke-- an airline considering charging passengers one euro for using the toilet-- but Strollerderby swears it ain't.

Blake Fielder-Civil's mom blames Amy Winehouse for her son's failing marriage. What about his introducing her to drugs, lady?

And Sharon Osbourne is being sued over that fight on Charm School, the only three minutes of that show anyone's ever sat through.

Related:

PETA Wants to Covet Your Neighbor's Sexy Wife

Michael Jackson's Statues Are Not Helping His Public Image

Colorado Kids Want to Write About Sex and No One Can Stop Them

Sloppy Seconds: Amy Winehouse's New Single Life

Thing #387 Not to F*ck: A Hong Kong Park Bench

Amy Winehouse, Topless Again, Stars in Her Most Bizarre Adventure Yet

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 18:50:00 GMT

You'll never guess in a million years what tattoo-covered topless Amy Winehouse is looking at-- and don't say that woman's gigantic bosom...

Amy Winehouse, who flies back to her burglarized home in England today to try to salvage her marriage to Blake Fielder-Civil, spent her last hours in St. Lucia not doing drugs, not stealing drinks from the hands of tourists, not even falling over some frat douche on the beach.

She was playing Scrabble.

Winehouse told the Sun:

But perhaps the recovering junkie’s strangest move is her new love for Scrabble.
"I am trying to think of something clever. No, I ain’t got the right letters for rehab."
Amy’s holiday wasn’t all good clean fun though – she’s regularly been seen drinking and openly smoking joints.
Two weeks ago The Sun printed pictures of Amy crawling up to holidaymakers on all fours and grabbing their drinks after hotel bar staff deemed her too wasted to serve.
She also put on a number of performances for guests in the lobby...

Scanner Emily, looks you'll now have an online Scrabble partner when Parker Brothers finally allows it to start up again...

Via the Sun.

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: Lily Allen Sends Topless Pic To Wrong Guy

How Low Can You Go, Wino (and Us)?

Wino Goes Topless and We Say No No No

Today's Topless PETA Roundup

Sloppy Seconds: Obama's Brother From Another Mother

Emily Farris — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 23:31:00 GMT

Is Argentina crying for Madonna after she had to postpone a show there? Enh, probably not. [Yahoo!]

We're not the only ones with "sloppy seconds." [MollyGood]

Actor Mark Ruffalo's brother is "clinging to life" after he was shot in the head. [Us]

Duuuuuuuuude. A 2,700-year-old weed stash was uncovered in the Gobi Desert. Wonder if it's still good? [MSNBC]

Amy Winehouse's possibly soon-to-be ex husband Blake Feilder Civil is yet again Blake Incarcerated. [People]

Nintendo has come a long way, from boring old Mario and Luigi to video games with racial slurs. [MTV]

This is Barack Obama's half brother, we think:

[Via Daily Intel]

[Image]

Sloppy Seconds: Divorce for Amy Winehouse?

Emily Farris — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 22:57:00 GMT

Be sure to go outside tonight. And then look up: A slender crescent moon, just 15-percent illuminated, will appear in very close proximity to the two brightest planets in our sky, Venus and Jupiter. Pretty! [Yahoo!]

This article, exploring the best age for sex, rubs our inner fuddy-duddy the wrong way: "And here's another bombshell the survey uncovered with which Mr Hefner might concur: ditching your long-term partner for someone new when you turn 40 is said to guarantee that you'll cash in on the sexual revolution. In other words, by getting a new brawn when you're about to experience a mid-life crisis means you'll be happier in the sack than you ever were before." [Sydney Morning Herald]

Is 30 Rock completely out of good guest stars? Let's let Larry King be the judge of that. [Vulture]

Y'all: Britney Spears' family didn't fuck her up. Her break-up with Justin Timberlake did. [Us]

Yes, Virginia, there is a liberal media. And yeah, it may have favored Barack Obama. [Yahoo!]

Blake Fielder Civil, otherwise known as Blake Incarcerated or Mr. Amy Winehouse, thinks it might be time to let his lady love go. You know, for her own good. [People]

[Image]

Sloppy Seconds: Blake-Fielder Civil Escapes (More) Prison (Time)

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 22:25:00 GMT

Patrick Dempsey didn't dig the doc firing on Grey's Anatomy. Perhaps he knows something we don't about ABC's true motives?

This guy will either be dead or a legend by 27.

Eddie Izzard made the really dumb decision, as he is not a US citizen, to donate to Obama. He made an even dumber one when he admitted to doing so on CNN.

Michael Crichton died of cancer, a battle which was kept entirely private.

Who gave 50 Cent a reality show? Jesus Christ. Well, at least it's a positive show for a change.

And Amy Winehouse's husband ("Blakey," we think his name is) was released from jail after a year of hell... or, if you're married to Amy Winehouse, womb-like bliss.

10-Year-Old Boy Is the Lone Protester of Nude Sunbathing

Obama and McCain Supporters Bring Out the Worst In All of Us

While You Were Sleeping: Amy Winehouse's Scientology Cure

While You Were Sleeping: Minnie Driver Pops Out A Future Celebrity

While You Were Sleeping: Amy Winehouse's Scientology Cure

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 13:59:00 GMT

Today in CNN discoveries: thrift stores get a lot of business from the middle class... and hipsters.

Paris Bennett, who has something to do with American Idol, gave birth in the United States to a daughter she calls Egypt.

Even Willem Dafoe is feeling the housing crunch...

Willem Dafoe is having trouble selling his house in upstate Accord for $850,000. "It is clad in neoprene, the stuff they make wetsuits out of," says his neighbor, author Bruce Littlefield [NY Post]

Barack Obama leads John McCain... in Halloween sales.

Nonetheless, he shouldn't get cocky and listen to Michael Dukakis.

Drew Barrymore weighs in.

And Amy Winehouse is rumored to be seriously considering a Scientology-run detox program:

One of Amy’s inner circle tells me: “She had a call from the celebrity branch of the Church Of Scientology. She thinks they got her number through one of the American music producers who worked on her Back to Black album. They told her they wanted to help her beat drugs and could tailor-make a programme so she wouldn’t have to go to a residential centre. She liked that idea because her husband Blake is out of prison soon and wouldn’t want to be away from him when he’s finally freed.” [Mirror]

Today in WTF: Endorsed By...

Because It's Never Too Early to Start Thinking About Slutty Halloween Costumes

Sloppy Seconds: How Did DJ A.M. and Travis Barker Survive Their Plane Crash?

Emily Farris — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 21:21:00 GMT

Chef Jamie Oliver (probably known as the Naked Chef) is expecting his third child with wife, Jools. [Us]

Following in the footsteps of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, Steven Spielberg and his wife, Kate Capshaw, have donated $100,000 to fight a California referendum seeking to ban gay marriage. [Yahoo!]

It's probably a safe bet not letting Sarah Palin anywhere near reporters while she's unscripted, right? [Radar]

We can safely say this is the worst bumper sticker we've ever seen. Even worse than the pro-George Bush stickers. Promise. And, uh, as Perez Hilton would say, don't click if you're easily offended. [Queerty]

If you had to choose between life behind bars and life with Amy Winehouse, which would you choose? Which did her hubby choose? [MollyGood]

So how is it that two celebrities survived a plane crash that four other people died in? Quick thinking, along the lines of stop, drop and roll. [People]

Blake Fielder-Civil Sends Amy Winehouse A Pic Of His Dick

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 14:02:00 GMT

What do you do if your husband sends you a picture of his dick from prison? If you're Amy Winehouse, you immediately post it to your Facebook profile...

If anyone has the uncensored version (how is it that only one person saw it and has neglected to offer us a NSFW version?), please send it to us...

It seems that Blake Fielder-Civil was either:

a) offered early release if he would move in with his mother and accept a 7pm curfew, but declined because he'd rather be in jail than be restricted and unable to live with his wife

b) offered early release if he would move in with his mother and accept a 7pm curfew, but declined because... well, he failed two drug tests and early release was denied.

Either way, in the meantime, he's content with sending camera phone perv shots to his beloved, who apparently is very proud of her man's penis. Other bloggers have claimed the penis is rather large, but without photo evidence other than the sadly censored version (see above), we'll reserve comment for now...

Via The Sun.

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: The #1 Gay Icon

Winehouse Could Only Hold Blake For So Long...

Amy Winehouse Loves Blake Fielder-Civil, Wants Everyone to Know

Sloppy Seconds: Amy Winehouse's Spiked Drink

While You Were Sleeping: The Pregnant Prostitute Raid

NFL Player Accidentally Posts Photo Of His Penis On His Blog

Penis Eating Fish Plague Australian Harbor

Sloppy Seconds: The #1 Gay Icon

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 21:20:00 GMT

The New York Post just learned of alleged naked people in New York City. Congratulations on your eagle-eyed reporting, Mencken.

According to Australian news, there are reports of Chinese tourists possibly shooting donkeys for sport and because

Chinese traditional healers are known to use donkey skins to extract Ejiao. This extract can be used to make Nu Bao, a traditional Chinese medicine which is meant to improve vitality, increase a woman's libido and help with period pain.

Who tops a poll of the #1 Gay Icon Over 50?

Pierce Brosnan has seen off competition from fellow actors Bruce Willis and Richard Gere to land the title of most popular gay icon over 50 years old.

Another Obama Is A Terrorist t-shirt is making its way to infamy online.

St. Louis police looked no further than one of their own for why impounded cars taken in DUI busts have gone missing: the chief's daughter, who has been tooling around drunk in them.

Amy Winehouse's husband Blake Fielder-Civil could be home by Christmas, but no sooner, after being sentenced to more than two years in prison.

And the headline of the Day:

B-52 crashes into Pacific Ocean. TIN ROOF RUSTED

Amy Winehouse's Year In Exile

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 19:02:00 GMT

If you're like us, you think Amy Winehouse is an enormously talented, even potentially legendary singer-songwriter who is pissing it all away. Finally, Rolling Stone's exclusive interview with the drugged-out star reveals her secret inner life and explains just what is happening to "our Amy..."

Among the story's highlights, an explanation of how this crack-smoking spiral got going:

Winehouse says all of this is the product of heartbreak from being separated from her true love, whose name appears in a little heart pin she often wears in her hair. "To be honest, my husband's away, I'm bored, I'm young," Winehouse tells me. "I felt like there was nothing to live for. It's just been a low ebb."

Amy ends up sounding like a total drug-addicted mess (surprise!) with a heart of gold (or "wood," as she quips) who may actually get it together when her husband (ever) gets out. But the more immediate feature looks dangerous, even though Winehouse still has it together enough to crack jokes at her own expense, including the below one, a little dig at herself for the racist ditty her husband captured on video:

It's 9 a.m., and outside the last paparazzi leave, shouting up, "Thank you, Amy!" "You're welcome!" she yells back, then she mutters, "You fucking gooks." And cracks up.
She thoughtfully calls me a cab and walks me downstairs, inviting me to join her a few days later for a private concert in Moscow, where she will be paid a reported $2 million to play for Russian oligarch Roman Abramovich. (A day later, her manager rescinds the invitation.) After the show, the newspapers report that Winehouse was drunk and Abramovich's organizers were sent into a mad scramble to search for a replacement. They say she played hours late and without underwear.

Story via Rolling Stone. Photo via Metro UK.

Winehouse Could Only Hold Blake For So Long...

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 15:36:00 GMT

Amy Winehouse had a really rough day yesterday.

The majorly talented recording artist's life continued to spin downhill with new controversy, new news on her husband, and so on... would someone please get this woman back in the studio to get her back on track?

First, she had to deny that she was a racist after a swarm of reporters and photographers descended on her flat with evidence of an offensive video, just surfaced, thanks to her ne'er-do-well husband:

The video, taken by Blake Fielder-Civil sometime before his arrest late last year and published Sunday by the News of the World, shows Winehouse and another woman sitting on a couch, singing a string of racial epithets to the tune of the children's song "Head, Shoulders Knees and Toes."
Fielder-Civil, holding the camera, is heard encouraging them to sing it, insisting afterward he "wasn't recording it ... I swear on my life." The video goes on to show Winehouse passed out on the couch.

Speaking of ol' Blakey boy, turns out he's been convicted of the British version of obstruction of justice (you'll recall this would have been Bill Clinton's charge, as well), punishable by... holy shit-- life in prison?! Why don't they just give him thirty-seven lashes or put him in a public square stockade for a day? Damn, Britain, you guys are harsh!

P.S. We think you Scanner readers might be able to figure out what words she substituted from the original:

Head and shoulders, knees and toes,
Knees and toes, knees and toes,
Head and shoulders, knees and toes,
Eyes, ears, mouth and nose.

Ankles, elbows, feet and seat, feet and seat,
Ankles, elbows, feet and seat, feet and seat,
And hair and hips and chin and cheeks,
Ankles, elbows, feet and seat, feet and seat.

Huh? Maybe not...

Via the Associated Press/Yahoo!

EXCLUSIVE: Scanner Reveals Minnie Driver's Baby Daddy

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 08 May 2008 19:12:00 GMT

For the first time. An exclusive. A world premiere event.

Minnie Driver, at six months pregnant and due this summer, has so far refused to reveal the name of her baby's father, but has dropped enough clues that our state of the art investigation network (i.e. Google) has cracked her secret code...

The only clues Driver will offer about the identity of her "baby daddy" are that he is English, and "sort of in the same business," and that they have evaded detection because "he's really busy, like me." [Independent UK]

Hmm... he is "sort of" in the same business... no, Danny Molder is taken, ruling out any possibility he could be on the other side of the camera. So, he's an actor. We rule out any other logical possibilities (like the fact that she's a musician as well, so he could be involved in music.)

"He is English." Ian McKellan? Impossible. Patrick Stewart? Nope. Blake Fielder-Civil? Unusual, but very probable. Seriously, she just narrowed it down to two people-- and Daniel Radcliffe was probably not even legal yet, so that rules him out. Nope, ladies and gentlemen, there is only one more remaining candidate... someone you all know and love... someone who is an admitted lesbian... well, a lesbian in the form of a straight man who wears drag and sleeps exclusively with women... someone who is so powerful and dangerous that Minnie Driver dare not speakest his name... the next British Prime Minister...

Yes, Eddie Izzard. We're pretty sure. Although if we're wrong, well just change this post and insert the correct male person's headshot here... or just paste it over Eddie's face. Either way, you heard it here first.

Sloppy Seconds: It's Friday, How About A "Love Vacation"?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 21:20:00 GMT

The woman accused of poisoning her Marine husband in order to obtain his $250K insurance policy and buy herself breast implants has been vindicated. [CNN]

Woah! Jay and Bey are gonna get an annulment? At a Barack Obama fundraiser the other night, Jay Z was on stage when the DJ put on his centuries-old duet with his new bride. Jay went crazy, it was reported.

Storming to the mic, he yelled: "Fuck that. Sorry Bey, but fuck that - let's play something else."

Beyonce allegedly, and quite correctly, took offense and stormed off the stage... but not before tripping and falling down a flight of stairs. (Kidding!) [The Mirror]

Without a doubt, the highlight of our year: David Byrne and Brian Eno are going to tour. Music's J.D. Salinger of live performance, Brian Fucking Eno. Can a "Talking Heads" reunion be too far off? [The Daily Swarm]

Scarlett Johnasson denies being a "brazen harlot." Some people don't know how to take a compliment. [Starpulse]

Scanner Exclusive: Amy Winehouse is working with "Back In Black" genius boy/producer Mark Ronson on the theme for "Quantum of Solace," the next Daniel Craig Bond movie, due this October. Since "Quantum of Solace" is even easier to rhyme with than "Octopussy," Winehouse announced her latest track will be called "My Blakey Breaky Out o' Jail With Some O' Diss Crazy Spy Shit."

And workers in Finland figured out what we Americans have known all along-- divorce is a great excuse to not show up for work. They're going to pass a law to institute mandatory "Love Vacations." In other news, Erica Jong is officially irrelevant. [New York Times]

Headlines of the Day:

1) Bloomberg: Next President Will Be "Adult" [via CNN]

2) Pope Meets With Many, Many Victims of Pedophile Priests [We're Gonna Need A Bigger Boat] [via Wonkette]

Photo: Vanity Fair

Sloppy Seconds: Is Valentine's Day Over Yet?

Emily Farris — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 21:51:00 GMT

Still haven't quite found the closure you needed from that last break-up? How about writing an obituary for the relationship?

Planned Parenthood reminds us that condoms are an essential part of any Valentine's Day love making with the most unsexy video ever.

~~Fashion victim~~ actress Bai Ling was arrested at LAX for shoplifiting celebrity magazines and batteries.

Has Amy Winehouse sobered up enough to take a lover while her hubby "Blake Incarcerated" is, uh, incarcerated?

We have such a girl crush on Michelle Williams (and no, not just because her ex-BF died; we've been stalking her for years).