Scanner : beach

PapSmeared: Lady Gaga Loses Her Pants, Lower Legs in Freak Beach Accident

Emily Farris — Fri, 08 May 2009 16:33:00 GMT

While You Were Sleeping: The Gyllenhaal Divorce

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 14:01:00 GMT

This week, we're blogging from a quiet beach near Clearwater, Florida... so your news will be a bit more Southern and probably a lot weirder...

The government will finally bail out the public, thanks to up to $800 billion in money being directed toward allowing for more loans to consumers. Great, just what we need, more debt.

There's nothing worse than getting busted for being involved in prostitution and having your face plastered all over the local media. Actually, we take that back: there's nothing worse than getting busted for prostitution and having your face plastered all over the world, plus admit to dating a much, much older doorman who won the lottery and buys you expensive things. Yeah, that will go over well with your childhood community overseas.

Kristen Johnston, who took it off for-- what else-- PETA. And she, uh, mounted a house for the shoot...

Cancer is on the decline in the U.S. for the first time in our history. However, some naysayers are saying that the amount of people being screened has fallen as well...

We were a little surprised to see Republican Governor Charlie Crist talking "new taxes" in the paper here yesterday. Of course, the top story today? "Gov. Charlie Crist backs off both [tackling a foreclosure freeze and a cigarette tax] after talking to representatives of the banking and tobacco industries." What a whimp.

Even some elected officials were stumped by this challenging US history and government quiz.

One Florida neighborhood's concoction of choice this Thanksgiving? The Molotov cocktail, of course.

How great does Beyonce look as Etta James?

And Maggie and Jake Gyllenhaal's parents are involved in a nasty divorce after 32 years of marriage. Mom is about to go bankrupt thanks to Dad not paying his share of their bills... won't someone think of the children(s' careers)?

Some unlinked stories via The St. Petersburg Times.

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Sloppy Seconds: Prostitution Is Now Rape in the U.K.?

While You Were Sleeping: What Men Think Women Think Men Want

10-Year-Old Boy Is the Lone Protester of Nude Sunbathing

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 13:50:00 GMT

In New Zealand, home of Boobs on Bikes and, apparently, dozens of kiwi trees, a lone believer stands in the cold, alone in his noble quest, and silently holds up his protest sign, desperately hoping he can make a difference. Unfortunately, sometimes these lone believers are alone for that reason-- very few people agree with them.

Case in point, is the heartfelt yet misguided quest of Michael Hayward, 10, who is against nude sunbathing on what his petition calls "family beaches." The problem isn't rampant nudity and sex, nor is it that nude beaches are already illegal (they are not, although Hayward does have a point about their proxmimity to his playground.) No, it's how his petition is worded that has us scratching our heads...

(Note: we won't say anything about his sign-- or the way he's holding it-- or put the kid down personally. We just respectfully disagree with his position.)

The petition opposed a proposed council bylaw under which nudity would be allowed but if nudists' behaviour was deemed offensive it would be dealt with by the police.

Michael and his mother spotted the naked man near McLean Park children's playground this month.

"I was very upset when we saw the man with no clothes lying right where we had to walk past him. It was horrible, I felt embarrassed, I think other children would find it disturbing. It was not something kids should have to put up with." [Stuff.nz.com]

No offense, Michael, you seem like an all right kid, but think about it this way: if your parents had brought you up with the idea that nudity is natural and we shouldn't be ashamed of our bodies, then perhaps it wouldn't have disturbed you so much.

By the way, we just want to make clear that our problem isn't with Hayward-- as we mentioned, he's passionate and quite right to be upset by something strange and, to him, unusual. However, it seems to us that, in this day and age, if one kid complains, that's it, an idea is automatically out. This reminds us of Howard Stern being fined a small fortune because one solitary listener out of several million contacted the FCC about a poop joke.

Let's hope the District Council gives him a polite rebuke... or at least allows nude sunbathing away from children. But either way, allowing the police to decide what kind of naked body is "offensive" is just plain foolish...

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New Zealand Teacher In Hot Water For Her Other Job As A Hooker

Boobs On Bikes Rides Again, Despite Violent Anti-Violence Protests

Sam and Lilo Frolick on the Beach in Mexico

Emily Farris — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 14:51:00 GMT

Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson enjoyed a nice day at the beach in Mexico, where they played Scrabble, sucked on popcicles and laid around in their bikinis. Frankly, we're jealous.

More pictures of the sun, Scrabble and super-skinny-girl-filled day after the jump.

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Caption This: Lindsay Lohan's Boobs And Sam Ronson's Eyeline

Sam and Lilo Sittin' in a Tattoo Parlor... I.N.K.I.N.G.

[via Faded Youth]

Which City Has The Most Beautiful People, According To This Very Scientific Survey?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 17:05:00 GMT

It's not LA... it's not New York... and it's certainly not Philadelphia, which always comes in 25th in these surveys...

Which American city has the most of what Americans consider "beautiful people?"

According to an online poll by Travel + Leisure, it's

If you live in Miami, consider yourself among the most attractive people in the United States.
The Sunshine State's metropolis has the most beautiful people, according to an online survey of "America's Favorite Cities" by Travel + Leisure magazine, while Philadelphia came in last at No. 25.

"I'm not surprised at all, but I'm not in that group" joked Bill Talbert, president of the Greater Miami Convention and Visitors Bureau, about the city's attractive people rating. [Yahoo!]

We think Bill's being unnecessarily hard on himself. After all, from what we remember of Miami, it was lots of laughable thug types and bimbos who looked like they'd recently been ejected from a Black Eyed Peas audition, plus way, way too many fake tans and bodies overexposed to the sun. But hey, maybe that's your thing... we'll stick to the runners up cities...

1 4.45 Miami

2 4.42 San Diego

3 4.38 Austin

4 4.28 Charleston

5
4.26 Honolulu

6 4.20 Los Angeles

7 4.20 San Francisco

8 4.16 Minneapolis/St. Paul

9 4.15 New York

10 4.14 Denver

What do you think? And by the way, we were only busting your chops, Miami... judging by the above photo, the gene pool is improving...

Via Travel & Leisure.

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320 Bikini Girls Attempt To Break Pointless World Record

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 15:53:00 GMT

320 women showed up on a single British beach in attempt to a break Guinness World Record for the Most Bikini-Clad Women Photographed At The Same Time (or something similar.) Although they failed in their attempt, they did do one thing right...

The fundraising event, organised by the Middlesbrough Erimus Rotary Club, failed to beat the current Guinness World Record, set in September last year on Bondi Beach, in Sydney, Australia, when 1,010 women posed together in their bikinis.

However, it is still expected that the record attempt will have raised thousands of pounds for the Great North Air Ambulance Service, through £5 entry fees and sponsorship.

And, although a far cry from the sunny climes of Sydney, the sun did put in an appearance in Redcar today as thousands of people lined the beach to watch the women, aged from 16 to 81, taking part in the challenge.

"We had one lady of 81, we had one lady who came from Surrey purely to do this, lots of ladies from all over the north east, all shapes and sizes. Exactly what we wanted."

That's what we like: all kinds. Here's another shot from the beach:

Via the London Paper.

Today in WTF: Roman Beachgoer Scandal

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 14:35:00 GMT

On Saturday afternoon, two girls drowned in the sea off the southern coast of Italy, near Naples.

The girls had been swimming with some friends after selling some trinkets and begging for change on the beach when violent waves overpowered them. Rescuers were able to save the friends but could not reach the 12 and 13-year-old cousins, Violetta and Cristina, in time. Their bodies lay covered in beach towels, awaiting the police and a set of coffins.

And that's when things took a demented turn...

As evidenced in the disturbing photo above, most the beachgoers continued to sit within feet of... the feet. With two dead bodies almost within reaching distance of some relaxing citizens, the police worked around the unfazed living souls.

Photographs show sunbathers in bikinis and swimming trunks sitting close to where the girls' feet can be seen poking out from under the towels concealing their bodies. A photographer who took photos at the scene told CNN the mood among sunbathers had been one of indifference.
"While the lifeless bodies of the girls were still on the sand, there were those who carried on sunbathing or having lunch just a few meters away," Italian newspaper La Repubblica reported.

Check out the guy on the right... you can almost make out his disgusted reaction to the goings-on around him.

Since I, Scanner Brian, am Italian, I can't say I'm surprised to hear that this happened in Italy. However, what I still don't get is why the police let these idiots stay on the beach-- here in America, there would've been some big, burly detective clearing the sand with a bellowing "what the hell do you people think you're doing? Did you see it happen? No? Then get your Cheetos and ratty old boombox and get outta here!" or something...

Via CNN.

Nine British Women In Beach Bust After Oral Sex Contest

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 21:20:00 GMT

Nine British women, as well as twelve remorseless British and Greek men were busted on Laganas Beach, just off the west coast of Greece yesterday. The women were participating in a blow job contest that was being filmed for internet sales.

Check out what the two sexes were separately charged with...

The women, who came to the popular resort on holiday, had been paid to take part in the competition, which was video recorded and was to be posted on the Internet, police said.

The men were charged with encouraging obscene behavior. [Rather than soliciting prostitution. Ah, the Greeks. Meanwhile, the women were charged with prostituting themselves. Hmm... what do you think? A fair deal? Guess if it had been filmed indoors, they could have just said it was an adult film exception-- isn't that how American porn gets away with it? - Ed.]

In recent years, Laganas has established itself as one of Greece's most popular destinations for twenty-something holidaymakers and is known for its wild party scene.

Around 15 million people -- a fifth of them British -- visit the eastern Mediterranean country each year, drawn by its soaring summer temperatures, azure waters and sandy beaches.

You forgot to mention rampant blow jobs, handed out for free like the condoms no one probably used, under that beautiful sky in your ad package.

Via Reuters.

Sex on the Beach: In Dubai, That's 6 Years in Prison

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 16:43:00 GMT

A British woman who got drunk, had sex (with a stranger? twice?) on a beach, and assaulted a police officer in Dubai is facing up to six years in prison. And her willing partner may face the same harsh, Midnight Express-esque realities himself...

The woman, said to be 30, was arrested after a police officer reportedly twice found her having sex with a British man on Jumeirah Beach.
She has reportedly been charged with having sex outside marriage, indecent behaviour in public, being drunk in public and assaulting a police officer.

Because Britain has no extradition agreement or prisoner transfer agreement with Dubai, which would mean she would have to serve her sentence in the Middle Eastern state's prison. Oooh, Billy.

The FCO's website says that public displays of affection are frowned upon in the UAE and there have been several arrests for kissing in public. Sex outside marriage is illegal, as is cohabitation, adultery and homosexual behaviour.

If the UAE is striving to attract English tourists, as they claim to be, stories like these are not going to help.

Via The Guardian.

Looks Like Someone's Trying to Make Fire Island Homo No Mo'

Nicole Pasulka — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 18:24:00 GMT

The car-free NYC vacation destination Fire Island may not be such a hot place for gay sex on the beach these days. FI Resident and former Gawker editor Choire Sicha reports that the National Parks Service, or some other branch of the Department of the Interior, has been cracking down on men who play hide the pepperoni on the beach in Fire Island gay hoods of the Pines and Cherry Grove.

In the first event, an eyewitness said he saw five or six rangers with a gay man (described as somewhat overweight and clad in khakis and a polo shirt) on his knees and in handcuffs. The men were searched after their arrests. In the other event, a man was stopped and "panicked and tried to get rid of the drugs," according to a second-hand report by one Cherry Grove resident; that man was either charged with possession or detained further and charged. The man arrested with him was given a citation for $125 for engaging in lewdness, that resident said.

This coming Saturday, June 28, one Cherry Grove resident is proposing—via posters around the towns—a day of action, what he is calling "a circle jerk for freedom" around the park service's (abandoned) building in the Meat Rack at the edge of the Pines.

Maybe they'll join forces with Beach Bob to fight unjust beach patrolling that targets a man's right to self-expression.

Beach Bob Fighting for His Right to Wear a Teeny, Tiny Swimsuit

Nicole Pasulka — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 19:50:00 GMT

This is "Beach Bob" or Bob Hezzlewood as he's know to Lee County, Florida Police officers. Last month Bob was given a "trespass notice" and banned from the beach where he has sunbathed for the past 10 years. It seems people were complaining that his briefs were too--er, um--brief.

The judge threw out the case, but Bob's pissed and wants to sue. We say, cheer up, Bob. At least no one can accuse you of stealing meat and hiding it in there.

Hey Ash, Long Time, No See (And Nice Tat!)

Emily Farris — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 21:23:00 GMT

Our old friend Ashley Alexandra Dupree was spotted on a New Jersey beach Sunday. And she has a new tattoo peeking out of her itty bitty bikini.

[NY Daily News via Radar]

Related:

Video of the Day: Erotic Exercises

Emily Farris — Thu, 29 May 2008 16:12:00 GMT

This appears to be from some European Candid Camera-type show. It's ridiculous, but we've watched it about five times now just for the laugh track and music.

1	4.45	Miami
2	4.42	San Diego
3	4.38	Austin
4	4.28	Charleston
5	4.26	Honolulu
6	4.20	Los Angeles
7	4.20	San Francisco
8	4.16	Minneapolis/St. Paul
9	4.15	New York
10	4.14	Denver