Scanner : babies having babies

Sloppy Seconds: Vanessa Hudgens is Ready to Get Naked

Emily Farris — Tue, 12 May 2009 22:33:00 GMT

Is it really possible to find an adult friend on AdultFriendFinder.com? [BuzzFeed]

We were just wondering what the hell ever happened to Sinbad. Okay, not really, but if you were... [FlavorWire]

This seemingly drug-induced gibberish is the best recap of last night's Gossip Girl we've read yet. [Gakwer-Defamer]

Hey, remember Eminem? He's trying to help out Detroit's auto industry. [FadedYouth]

Funny Maya Rudolph is knocked up with another probably funny baby. [People]

Katy Perry is thinking of giving it all up to settle down and have babies, but we don't see that happening any time soon (for her or for us). [FameCrawler]

High School Musical star Vanessa Hudgens on getting naked: "Right now, I would feel comfortable doing it, but, like I said, when the time's right, if it's an amazing movie that I'm really passionate about and that's what it calls for, then we'll see," she continued. [Us]

Sloppy Seconds: Megan Fox Doesn't Need You To Take Her Seriously

Emily Farris — Mon, 11 May 2009 23:01:00 GMT

A man gave birth to his twin, Alien style. Sort of. [The Inquisitr]

Looks like Oprah is going to have a lot less shit on her show. Literally. Dr. Oz—her in-house medical professional who was all too excited to talk poo with Ms. Winfrey—is getting his own show. [Yahoo!]

When we were growing up we seriously thought that everyone in our hometown of Independence, MO was skinny and had bad teeth because they were poor. We know better now. But why is meth so prevalent in some regions and not in others? [FlavorWire]

Wanting to not appear so poor ourselves, at 17 we lied to get a credit card. That was the beginning of our own personal financial hell. This pre-paid Discover card might have done us some good... and probably still could. [Lifestyler]

Speaking of us being poor, don't forget you can buy our Missed Tee for a mere $13. We get 10% of every sale, plus what's not to love about dogs humping legs? [MissedTees]

In the mean time, we'll follow Suze Orman on Twitter. [Twitter]

"I don't want to have to be like a Scarlett Johansson — who I have nothing against," Megan Fox tells June's Esquire, "but I don't want to have to go on talk shows and pull out every single SAT word I've ever learned to prove, like, 'Take me seriously, I am intelligent, I can speak.' I don't want to have to do that. I resent having to prove that I'm not a retard — but I do. And part of it is my own fault." [Us]

Related:

Megan Fox Strips to Underwear for Esquire, Fancy New Camera

Sloppy Seconds: We Can All Stop Worrying About Swine Flu Now

I Owe You a Good Leg Humping

[Image]

Bristol Palin Has a Job and You Don't

Emily Farris — Tue, 05 May 2009 21:16:00 GMT

How is it that we have a ton of smart, talented, over-educated friends who can't find jobs while unwed teenage mother Bristol Palin just scored a great one?

B-Pal has just been appointed as one of the Candies Foundation's Teen Ambassadors, working on the Foundation's national campaign to prevent teen pregnancy.

“I feel that I could be a living example of the consequences of teen pregnancy. If I can prevent even one girl from getting pregnant, I will feel a sense of accomplishment.”

Well, that's something.

No word on if she'll be taking home a fat paycheck, or if she'll be taking home a paycheck at all, but if so we recommend she invest in some condoms and birth control pills. (And she could send some our way if she'd like. Our monthly pack of Yasmin was one of our recession sacrifices and now our face is totes broken out).

Related:

Leave Bristol Palin Alone?

Sarah Palin Elevated to GILF Status, or Bristol Palin Pops One Out

Sloppy Seconds: Bristol Palin's New Gig

[Source]

Are Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz (and his PENIS) on the Verge of Falling Out?

Emily Farris — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 15:48:00 GMT

Just yesterday we were bemoaning the fact that we have to pay higher rates for car insurance because we're unmarried. According to the woman who helped us, insurance companies believe that married people are more responsible. We countered that we are, in fact, more responsible for not jumping into marriage in our early twenties and that we should be rewarded for taking the time to get to know ourselves, and what we want out of life, before starting a life with someone who may or may not be right for us. Unlike Ashlee Simpson, we didn't marry the first guy with a huge penis and guy liner who knocked us up. But because she did, she probably pays less for car insurance. But will her rates go up again when she divorces Pete Wentz and his penis? Because it's looking like things are headed that way.

Yesterday, the New York Post claimed the young couple's marriage just isn't working, and today the Chicago Sun-Times reports that friends of Simpson and Wentz think she is unhappy and he is bored.

Says one "friend": ”Ashlee thinks Pete doesn’t pay her enough attention and is out partying too much. He needs to work on their marriage more.”

Another says: ”Ashlee is feeling a bit neglected [by Pete] in recent weeks… Pete does seem kind of bored lately, and he doesn’t talk about Ashlee like he used to. The gushing has stopped.”

Here's hoping the kids work it out. We sort-of like them together.

[Faded Youth: PETE AND ASHLEE: FALL OUT COUPLE]

Related:

Rubber Penis a "misappropriation of taxpayers' money and extremely offensive"

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PapSmeared: Pete Wentz and His Penis and His Boots Know It's a Slow News Week, Too

PapSmeared: Pete Wentz Has His Head Pubes 'Did

Alfie's DNA Test Results are In

Colleen Kane — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 17:16:00 GMT

You remember this poor little bastard, Alfie Patten, the four-foot tall 13-year-old new dad. First came the news of the 13- and 15- year- old parents, then came allegations that the baby momma Chantelle had slept around with numerous other schoolboys. Alfie agreed to take a DNA test, once his mum explained to him what a DNA test was. We'd just been wondering ourselves what the results of the paternity test had been when this update hit the tabloids...

Alfie is not Maisie's dad.

Apparently Chantelle told her half-sister the father could have been any of a number of boys she'd slept with, but her mom ordered her to say she'd been a virgin when she slept with wee Alfie.

Alfie's dad Dennis helped start the press blitz when he gave an interview shortly after the baby was born, saying, “He hasn’t a clue what a baby means and can’t explain how he feels. When I spoke to him he started crying. He said it was the first time he’d had sex, he didn’t know what he was doing or the complications that could come. I’ll talk to him again and it’ll be the birds and bees talk.”

We need to find some less depressing stories today.

Related:

UK Babies Have Baby

The UK Babies Having Babies Plot Thickens

Our Neighbors to the North Get a Blue Ribbon for Sex Education While we FAIL

Emily Farris — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 16:49:00 GMT

Sure Canada might have a few questionable practices when it comes to young people and sex—the legal age for consent in the country is 16 while the legal age for consensual anal sex is 18—but the US could surely learn a few things about sex education from our neighbors to the north.

Here in the States, teen pregnancy rates are up for the second year in a row. According to recent statistics, American women have 2.09 children while Canadian women have about 1.6. Thirty percent of that difference is apparently due to teen births in the U.S., and a whopping 90 percent of those thirty percent are unwanted.

What is Canada doing so right that we're doing so wrong?

"...The main reason is that Canadian teens of all social classes get comprehensive information about contraception and about how to avoid unwanted pregnancies. They get more sex ed in school, and can access high-school-based family planning counselling though the nurse. They can also always access universally free medical services, including visiting family doctor and special health clinics. And at all levels, there's a more positive attitude towards the pill, and either cheap or free prescriptions for it.

As a result, young Canadian women use more effective pharmaceutical methods (i.e. birth control pills) rather than less effective ones (condoms, or the so-called withdrawal method)...

After a decade and $1.5 billion U.S. federal dollars spent on abstinence-only programs, a Congress-authorized, rigorous scientific study reported no real difference in the age at which program participants first had sex, whether they had sex before marriage, or in their number of sexual partners."

[The Tyee: Canada on Top in Sex Ed]

Related:

Abstinence-Only Education Doesn't Work

ABC Calls Drunken Teenage Anal Sex "Love Making," Interviews Jezzies and Ultimately Tries to be Helpful

Leave Bristol Palin Alone?

Emily Farris — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 18:39:00 GMT

We all had fun making fun of Bristol Palin and her baby daddy Levi Johnston during the election. Maybe even too much fun. But now that the couple's engagement has ended, teen weeks after their child was born, the New York Times asks, should we just leave Bristol Palin alone?

[It] speaks to the larger question of where the private becomes the public and whether, once the line is crossed, it is possible to go back....

Once the McCain-Palin ticket lost and the spotlight faded, so too, apparently, did the romance. The baby came along at the end of December and a wedding never materialized. Ms. Palin recently made a cheery statement that Mr. Johnston was a “hands-on” dad. But on Wednesday he confirmed to the Associated Press a Star magazine report that he and Ms. Palin mutually decided “a while ago” to call things off. They then moved on to public recriminations, with Ms. Palin issuing a statement suggesting that her former betrothed and his sister had been trying to “cash in” on the Palin name.

From [Kitty] Dukakis [who battled alcoholism] to Betty Ford, the families of politicians have watched their lives become tabloid fodder; some politicians, from Bill Clinton to former Senators John Edwards of North Carolina and Larry E. Craig of Idaho, have created the fodder themselves. In the past, when a campaign or term in office has ended, the families, at least, have been able to go back to their private lives. But that seems harder now in the 24/7 media culture and will probably be difficult for Ms. Palin, whose mother is still governor of Alaska and has hinted at a future run for national office.

It's not Bristol Palin's fault that she's getting all of this seemingly unwanted attention. But it's not necessarily the media's fault either. As Tina Fey as Sarah Palin said: “I believe marriage is meant to be a sacred institution between two unwilling teenagers.”

[New York Times: Canceled Palin Wedding Becomes a Public Matter]

Related:

Sarah Palin Elevated to GILF Status, or Bristol Palin Pops One Out

Top 5 Rumors We'd Like to Start About Sarah Palin... But Won't

Is Bristol Palin now Bristol Palin-Johnston?

We Will Totally Crap Our Pants if Bristol Palin Pops Out a Mixed Race Baby

If Teenagers Can Have Sex, Why Can't They Have Sex Toys?

Emily Farris — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 14:25:00 GMT

Kids get toy cars before they're old enough to drive, toy phones before they're old enough to get a cell phone account, toy ovens before they're old enough to play with fire and combustible gasses and even toy guns before they're too young to get a hunting license. So why can't teenagers who are old enough to engage in sexual activity get their hands on a few sex toys?

Seems kind-of fucked up when you consider that the legal age for consensual sex is under 18 in most places, but to enter a sex toy shop one needs to be at least that age. (Interesting aside: the legal age of sexual consent in Canada is 16 while the legal age for anal sexual consent is 18.)

Says one columnist in Canada:

"It sends a clear message to young people: Having sex with someone else is acceptable, but exploring your own body by masturbating with anything more than your own two hands is not."

Though the sale of sex toys is a states issue here in the United States, it's pretty much the same situation: it's legal to have sex at 17, it's just not legal to buy sex toys.

We can't begin to know the laws regulating the sale of sex toys to minors (or to now one, ahem, Alabama) in each state. But our friendly neighbors to the north have no laws on the books restricting the sale of sex toys, sold as “adult novelty items,” to anyone under the age of 18, yet stores will only allow those 18 and over to enter.

“I don’t think it’s an intentional double standard… They think they’re following the rules, is my hunch,” says Carlyle Jansen, owner of Good for Her.

Jansen says her understanding of the law restricts the sale of pornographic imagery in any medium to minors. “But sex toys, there don’t seem to be any regulations around who can purchase those and not. For example we allow people to bring their kids into the store or some people will come in and buy their daughter or son their first vibrator.

“I think the double standard comes out of the fact that we sort of ignore youth.”

So maybe that's why they're all turning up with STDs and/or babies in them?

[XTRA: Teens get shaft in struggle for sex toys]

Related:

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Seattle Sex Shop Robbed

Do It Yourself, And Then With Yourself (Or the One You Love): Homemade Dildo Cam

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Sloppy Seconds: Bristol Palin's New Gig

Emily Farris — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 23:33:00 GMT

Hey, Scanner Brian: Hayden Panettiere is single again. [Us]

Think your man might be a closeted homo? Take this super-reliable, scientific quiz to find out for sure! [MyDailyMoment]

A book written early in J.R.R. Tolken's career is about to be published for the first time. [Yahoo!]

Suze Orman had only one wish on Valentine's Day: that gay marriage be legalized. [AfterEllen]

Bristol Palin would now like to be an advocate, um, like, against teen pregnancy. "I wish [getting pregnant] would happen in like 10 years so I could have a job and an education and be, like, prepared and have my own house and stuff. ... I hope that people learn from my story and just, I dunno, prevent teen pregnancy I guess." [Slate]

Is Bristol Palin now Bristol Palin-Johnston?

Top 5 Rumors We'd Like to Start About Sarah Palin... But Won't

We Will Totally Crap Our Pants if Bristol Palin Pops Out a Mixed Race Baby

This Week in Gayness: How to Tell Your Boyfriend Is Closeted

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The UK Babies Having Babies Plot Thickens

Colleen Kane — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 16:36:00 GMT

The story of 13-year-old baby daddy Alfie, 15-year-old mum Chantelle and their newborn Maisie had some new developments over the weekend. Two other teenage boys came forward as potential fathers to Maisie and called her reputation into question. And have you seen Alfie's estranged dad?

Does no one involved in this affair have any judgment?

Alfie and Chantelle both deny that Chantelle had ever been with anyone but Alfie, and the little guy has agreed to do a paternity test, although he had never heard of such a thing before this mess began.

So depressed now.

Full story at The Sun.

UK Babies Have Baby

Babies Having Babies, Well Probably Aborting Them

Christopher Hitchens and Gawker are SOOO Right About Women Not Being Funny!

UK Babies Have Baby

Colleen Kane — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 19:09:00 GMT

It's all over the news today that two British kids, 13-year-old Alfie Pattman and 15-year-old Chantelle Steadman, have made a kid of their own, Maisie Roxanne.

Wee Alfie is only four feet tall, his voice hasn't even changed yet, and he doesn't know what the word "financially" means. It gets more depressing-- won't you join us after the jump?

Chantelle hid her pregnancy from her mom until she noticed the protruding tummy, reports the Sun. Mum Penny couldn't have been too surprised, though, as she allowed the two to sleep together in Chantelle's bedroom. Alfie even kept a school uniform at his lady friend's place, so he could go right to school from there. Penny and husband Steve are on the dole, by the way, aka welfare.

This situation calls for a pressing of this button.

Let There Be Babybook

Anti-Teen Pregnancy Ad Proves PETA Doesn't Want Animals To Breed?

Look Who's Talking... About Sex

Emily Farris — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 20:56:00 GMT

Amy Graff, a blogger for the San Francisco Gate, recently had an uncomfortable moment with her daughter in a Castro Williams Sonoma. After her four-year-old asked what sex was, Graff could only equate it to plugging in a toaster. Even if naming her daughter Paris might have been a step in the wrong sexual direction, at least she handled it better than our mom when she asked us if we even knew what sex was.

"Mmhmm. It's when a boy puts his penis in a girl's vagina."

"No," said Mom. "It's not."

Imagine how screwed up we were about sex for the next few years. Instead of doing what our mom did to us (up until the end of sixth grade, we were certain a blow job was something one did to a car), Graff at least tried to fix her wrong and consulted Dr. Shashank Joshi, director of training in Child & Adolescent Psychiatry for some advice on how to handle the situation.

While Joshi's words of wisdom sound quite a bit like the "If you encounter a bear" training speech we got at summer camp ("Keep a measured and relaxed tone and receptive stance") it's pretty sound advice.

What should a parent say to a 4-year-old who wants to know how babies are made? First, take a deep breath! For a young child, something simple like 'A mom and a dad make a baby by holding each other in a special way...then it takes about nine months for the baby to grow inside the mommy, before it comes out' can do the trick.
You might consider practicing some responses to common questions with your spouse/partner, or even with a friend or fellow parent, if it helps decrease your anxiety. Also, think of this not so much as an early sex talk, but more as an ongoing discussion about development and life changes. This way the questions about where babies come from and your children's normal curiosity about genitals is seen more in the 'typical' context of their daily lives.
So a 4-year-old isn't too young to begin learning about sex? The sooner the better, if you want to build a trusting relationship around matters that make you a little squeamish. It's best to get over this discomfort early, and avoid taking your first stab at these conversations during the adolescent years. The task doesn't get any easier with a teen. Plus, there is ample research suggesting that early sex education can help to delay the age of first intercourse and early pregnancy.
What about bigger sex-related issues such as contraception and AIDs? When do you bring up this stuff? From a development perspective, most kids will not understand these concepts in detail until the preteen years. You'll need to base the timing of these topics on how ready they seem, or how interested they are. So, consider a more detailed discussion of contraception and AIDS prevention around 10 or 11. However, if they are starting puberty early--for example, for girls as young as 8 or 9 (10 to 11 for boys)--you may need to discuss these issues earlier.
Are there any big "no-nos" when you're talking with your kids? The main ones have to do with your own reactions. For example, try to not show embarrassment, shock, or outrage at their questions. Keep a measured and relaxed tone and receptive stance, no matter what the material.
Should parents be concerned about what kids see on TV? Love scenes, kissing? If the TV is the main source for your children's sex education, be afraid. Be very afraid. Young children are impressionable--so closely monitor what they are watching. Be proactive--don't let the TV or movies do the talking for you. On the other hand, you may want to employ the use of a scene from a show, or a special book to get the discussion going. For a young child, (4 to 8 years old) It's So Amazing!: A Book about Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and Families gets rave reviews from parents I've worked with. As they get older (9 to 12 years old), the next volume in the series is It's Not the Stork!: A Book About Girls, Boys, Babies, Bodies, Families and Friends.
Anything else to add? Take advantage of teachable moments. They can happen anywhere--while watching TV together, reading a book, or even at the park. You don't need to make a speech. Keep it simple, direct and relevant. Start by asking what your child already knows. Let your child guide the talk with her questions. Some children may not ask for information if they think you might be uneasy with it. Others might test you by asking embarrassing questions. Talk openly, and let your child know she can ask you about anything. It sets the stage for healthy communication on difficult topics for the long term.
For instance, teaching the actual names for body parts (in addition to whatever names your child likes to call her genitals) during bath times or diaper changes can be a good way to start. Keep in mind that making up names for body parts may give the idea that there is something bad about the proper name. Also, be sure to teach your child which parts are private parts (those covered by a bathing suit). You may decide to teach your child that interest in genital organs is healthy and natural but nudity and sexual play in public are not all right. Also, young children need to learn that no other person, including even close friends and relatives, may touch private parts.
For more tips and information, parents should check out the parent resource guides on the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry Web site and the American Academy of Pediatrics Web site, and the online Mayo Clinic article, "Talking to toddlers and preschoolers about sex." Also, Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid They'd Ask) is a great read.

[SF Gate: Let's talk about sex, baby!]

Presenting High Heeled Shoes... For Babies

Babies Having Babies, Well Probably Aborting Them

Moms Scaring Us By Taking Fake Babies Out For Walks, Meals

Let There Be Babybook

Woman Pregnant for 60 Years, Totally Fine

Emily Farris — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 19:59:00 GMT

When a 92-year-old Chinese woman went to the doctor complaining of stomach pain doctors were, uh, surprised to discover that she'd been pregnant for 60 years.

Huang Yijun suffered a (presumably late-term) miscarriage in 1948. When her doctors told her it would cost "more than the whole family earned in several years" to remove it, she decided to just leave it in there.

Dr Liu Anbin at Qingshen hospital said: "I couldn’t believe my eyes when I discovered she had a baby in her belly. I’ve been a doctor for more than 40 years and it’s the first time I have seen something like this."

That baby has been in her belly longer than he's been a doctor! Medics are now doing tests to determine if Huang needs an operation to remove the baby.

Consultant Xu Xianming, director of the Obstetrics and Gynecology department at the hospital, said, "Normally a dead foetus would decay. It’s very rare that Huang can be so healthy."

Um, yeah.

[The Sun: Pregnant for 60 years since 1948]

Pregnant Woman, Tackled And Arrested While In Labor, To Get Her Day In Court

Jamie Lynn Spears Pregnant. Again. (Allegedly.) Probably.

You Know You're Too Young to Be Pregnant When You're Not Too Old to Be Grounded

Sloppy Seconds: Kanye Will Pose Nude (Don't Worry, He'll Keep His Sunglasses On)

Emily Farris — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 23:01:00 GMT

Earlier this week Patrick Swayze was telling us he had two to five years to live. Today he was hospitalized for pneumonia. [Yahoo!]

Tom Cruise's Golden Globes date? Katie Holmes' dad. Weird. [Us]

Uh! You guys! This is so not fair! The media is being way nicer to Caroline Kennedy than it was to Sarah Palin. (Don't take it personally Sarah, it's just that everyone in media has been laid off, that's all.) [DailyIntel]

Nerve alum Will Doig rounds up the year in sex. [The Daily Beast]

Ummmmmmmmm.... [People]

"I definitely feel like, in the next however many years, if I work out for two months, that I'll pose naked. I'll break every rule and mentality of hip-hop, of black culture, of American culture," Kanye West told Vibe. We can't say we're not looking forward to that. [MTV]

Everybody Stay Calm and Think Positive Thoughts

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[Image]

Sloppy Seconds: Kate Winslet's Secret

Emily Farris — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 21:33:00 GMT

Things seem to be looking up for Jennifer Hudson this year. Rumor has it, she may be singing the "Star Spangled Banner" for Obama's inauguration. [Radar]

Matt Dillon is facing a possible three months in jail if convicted for driving 103 miles an hour in a 65-mph zone. [Us]

John Travolta's son, Jett, is dead at 16. [Gawker]

Who is Lily Allen's new gray-haired mystery man? [FadedYouth]

The men's room at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport where Larry Craig was arrested for soliciting sex is losing its appeal as a tourist destination. [Queerty]

Like her mother before her, Bristol Palin went straight back to ~~work~~ school days after the birth of her son. Or so her mother would like us to know. [People]

Like us, Kate Winslet does not go to the gym. Unlike us, it works for her. [FameCrawler]

Related:

What's It Like Having Sex With Leonardo DiCaprio?

While You Were Sleeping: Kate Winslet's Underage Sex

Kate Winslet Takes it Off for Vanity Fair

Sarah Palin Elevated to GILF Status, or Bristol Palin Pops One Out

Emily Farris — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 20:33:00 GMT

Just yesterday we were commenting on the VPILF (Vice President I'd Like to Fuck) t-shirts blogger Rachel Kramer Bussel found and today we are pleased as punch to announce that our very own (well, ours, yours, Alaska's, Russia's) Sarah Palin is officially a GILF.

World, please welcome little baby Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston, who, according to People was born a healthy 7 lbs. 7 oz. Saturday in Palmer, Alaska.

[People: Bristol Palin Welcomes a Son]

Sloppy Seconds: It's Hailin' Palin

Is Bristol Palin now Bristol Palin-Johnston?

We Will Totally Crap Our Pants if Bristol Palin Pops Out a Mixed Race Baby

Scandals Clinging To Sarah Palin Like Trig To Her Pantsuit

[Image via Gawker]

Babies Having Babies, Well Probably Aborting Them

Emily Farris — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 20:58:00 GMT

Oh the humanity! This guy and his wife spent about $20,000 to get pregnant while this one-year-old in Saudi Arabia is sort-of magically pregnant.

How'd it happen?

Apparently it's another case of sibling just absorbing another in the womb.

According to Medical Science Report, “When the mother of this child was pregnant, she had 2 fetuses inside her. But one of the fetus grew inside the other, this why this girl was born with the other fetus inside her womb.”

[Strollerderby: Pregnant 1-Year-Old]

Related:

Let There Be Babybook

Abortion Rates are the Lowest They've Been in 30 Years and Nobody Knows Why?

Sloppy Seconds: Special Pregnancy Edition

File Under The Worst Idea Ever: Teen Pregnancy Pacts

While You Were Sleeping: Jennifer Aniston's Big News

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 16:40:00 GMT

Janet Jackson canceled the rest of her tour. Wow, she's really going downhill fast, isn't she?

James Bond goes to... Bollywood?

Cheech and Chong want you to vote today. And no, this isn't some Republican trick pulled on our inner-cities.

The National Review, bitter as always, says the youth vote only made up 18% of the total vote. Yes, douceheads, but what about the actual number of youth voters?

And so it begins: the McCain campaign is letting loose on Sarah Palin. My God, if this corrupt and greedy individual had ever become Vice President...

Adam Shulman. Adam Shulman. Adam Shulman-- that's the name of Anne Hathaway's new boyfriend. Curses!

And Jennifer Aniston is pregnant with twins. Little John Mayer's, you think?

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Who Would You Rather: Grey's Anatomy Lesbian Doctor Edition

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Who Would You Rather: The Anne Hathaway Who Enjoys Anal Sex or The Anne Hathaway Who Doesn't?

Spears Family Ties

Emily Farris — Wed, 07 May 2008 20:44:00 GMT

BRITNEY: Why can't I have a sash?

LYNNE: Because it's not your special day, honey. It's Jamie Lynn's special day. Now be quiet and smile pretty.

BRITNEY: None of us would be here if it wasn't for me.

LYNNE: We know, sweetie, but today is about Jamie Lynn.

BRITNEY: Whatever, you know all the headlines are going to be "Britney Spears Attends Sister's Baby Shower."

LYNNE: We know, that's why we gave her the sash.

JAMIE LYNN: Mom, make her shut up! We're supposed to be celebrating my accomplishment.

LYNNE: I know honey. You did real good. Real, real good. We're going to make lots of money from this photo.

BRITNEY: I wore big shoes so I'd be the tallest.

JAMIE LYNN: Mo-om!

LYNNE: God, I hope my breasts look as good in this picture as they did in the mirror this morning.

BRITNEY: Do I look bloated in this dress?

LYNNE: Yes.... I'm so proud of my girls. And my tan.

Ashlee Simpson Sure is Knocked Up

Emily Farris — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 19:24:00 GMT

Is our little sister the only little sister that's not knocked up?

FameCrawler has confirmed (via US Weekly) that Ashlee Simpson has, indeed, been knocked up by her boyfriend turned fiance (we wonder why), Pete Wentz.

Ashlee Simpson is expecting her first child with fiance Pete Wentz. Simpson, 23, and Wentz, 28, just announced their engagement on Wednesday. There goes the "First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby..." song I was going to sing at their wedding.

All exciting, indeed, but much more pressing: we didn't even know what band Wentz was in until FameCrawler went and ruined it for us. We were happy to know him only as "Ashlee Simpson's rocker ~~boyfriend~~ ~~fiance~~ baby daddy.

[FameCrawler: CONFIRMED: Ashlee Simpson is Pregnant]

Sloppy Seconds: Is Jamie Lynn Spears a MILF?

Emily Farris — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 22:12:00 GMT

Supermodel/scary lady Naomi Campbell was arrested today at London's Heathrow airport for allegedly spitting at a police officer.

Yes, Jessica Alba is hot. This does not mean she is good at picking baby names. Maybe her fiancé, Cash, had something to do with it?

"It is very comfortable, it's not heavy or scratchy or anything," model Danielle Luminita said of the $122,000 diamond thong she recently sported for a fashion show in Singapore.

Say it ain't so: Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are planning a private getaway? Things must be really bad for K-Fed because the only time we've considered reuniting with our ex was when we were feeling really, really bad about ourselves. Cheer up, Kev, and take a vacation alone. It really does help.

Ladies, we hope you already knew this, but Babeland reminds us that the best way to get rid of menstrual cramps is to masturbate. Really, it's the best way to treat any pain; sucks when you break you right arm...

It's kind-of cute that Mick Jagger is trying to look as tall as his date, but even in lifts he's not quite there. Just embrace the fact that you have a tall, hot girlfriend, Mick!

We just had a terrifying thought: does one have to be of legal age for fucking to be considered a MILF? When Jamie Lynn Spears pops out 'lil Spears, will men consider her a MILF? We shudder at the (illegal) thought... We're thinking "MILF" should be retired. We don't know too many moms who aren't hot. What about GILF?

Abstinence-Only Education Doesn't Work

Emily Farris — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 17:38:00 GMT

Shocking, shocking news from the Journal of Adolescent Health: teenagers who receive comprehensive sex education are half as likely get knocked up. Really? You don't say.

An analysis of a 2002 federal survey has found that heterosexual teenagers ages 15 to 19 who received comprehensive sex education were about half as likely to report pregnancies as teens who received abstinence-only sex education or no sex education, the Seattle Times reports. The study also found that neither comprehensive sex education nor abstinence-only education appeared to affect teens' risk of contracting a sexually transmitted infection.

The study "echoes" previous research that has found the federal government's promotion of abstinence-only education during the previous 10 years has had little effect on preventing teens from having sex, the Times reports. Abstinence messages are "not working and we've got to stop it," Carole Miller, vice president of education for Planned Parenthood of Western Washington, said, adding, "There are kids getting hurt by this." LeAnn Benn -- national director of Teen-Aid, which supports abstinence-only education -- questioned the study because she said teens who receive abstinence-only education still receive other messages that teen sex is acceptable as long as they practice safer sex.

We don't have much to add to that except, well, duh.

An abstract of the study can be found here.

[Medical News Today: Comprehensive Sex Education Students Less Likely To Have Teen Pregnancies, Study Says]

Sloppy Seconds: Spitzer's Lady Friend Can Rock Your World, Too

Emily Farris — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 21:31:00 GMT

Amy Winehouse's dad almost, kind-of, sort-of claims to be responsible for his daughter's problems. But then doesn't. It's not like he put the crack in her beehive.

While some of our old friends from Nickelodeon have made the voyage into adulthood with us (Christine Tayor and that guy from "Salute Your Shorts" who's now in Rilo Kiley), we still get nostalgic for old-school Nickeloden, like "Hey Dude" and "Clarissa Explains it All." And so does Netorama. But what about "You Can't Say that on Television?"

Like Jamie Lynn Spears and Britney before her, crazy flying prehistoric animals had teenage sex, too.

Ashely "Kristen" Alexandra Dupree can now rock your world. Her songs, available for download, now hold the first and second spots for digital music downloads today.

What Bothers Us Most About Jamie Lynn Spears' Itty Bitty Baby Bump?

Emily Farris — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 18:32:00 GMT

No, it's not that she's covered it in a terrible tie-dyed hoodie, and it's an offense not quite as horrifying as her big sister Britney smoking while pregnant, but still...

It's very obvious that the child just had her hair dyed, which wouldn't be so bad if it weren't very obviously bleached, which is not necessarily good for the bun in her oven. While we don't think there's any conclusive evidence against dying one's hair while knocked-up, most doctors strongly urge women to stay away from harsh chemicals, like bleach. Plus, that's just a bad highlight job. (We know, kitty's got claws!)

[Lil' Spears Within a Spears images via our not-so-slutty sister FameCrawler]

If Lindsay Lohan is Pregnant, Then We're Expecting Twins

Emily Farris — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 16:51:00 GMT

Lilo pregnancy rumors are beginning to circulate based on this recent picture.

We're going to assume she's bloated because she just had The Lady's Brunch Burger. Or maybe she just let her tummy hang out for a few minutes. Plus, if Lindsay did turn up pregnant, do you really think she'd let it go so far as to show? You can start to worry when her stomach sticks out past her ginormous boobs. Until then, we're calling bullshit on this one.

[Handbag: Lindsay Lohan pregnant?]

You Know You're Too Young to Be Pregnant When You're Not Too Old to Be Grounded

Emily Farris — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 15:26:00 GMT

Not that anyone questioned that she was too young to get pregnant (except maybe half of the people we went to high school with), but the hilarity lies in what she was grounded for...

Going out with her baby daddy, Casey Aldridge.

We always felt like there were certain milestones in life that would cause our parents to treat us like adults. We've reached none of them, but Jamie Lynn has reached at least one and is still getting grounded. At least Momma Lynne is around to ground her and not off dealing with her crazy big sister, but maybe if she'd done some more grounding of both her girls back in the day...

[Radar: Jamie Lynn Spears' Good 'Reaming]

[Image via images.starpulse.com]

Abortion Rates are the Lowest They've Been in 30 Years and Nobody Knows Why?

Emily Farris — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 20:36:00 GMT

Abortion rates are lower than they've been in thirty years, according to a new report. And the study's author says she doesn't know why. We'd like to make a non-educated guess.

It couldn't have anything to do with the fact that there are more babies in Hollywood than chiuauas right now, could it?

Also, we seem to recall that GenerationXYWHAT is having far less random sex than those who came before us.

[Previously on Scanner: Hey Mom, Can I Borrow Your Lube? Mine's All Dried Up]

[Yahoo!: U.S. Abortion Rate Falls to Lowest Level in Decades]

This is the Part Where Parents in the State of Washington Thank Jamie Lynn Spears for Getting Knocked-Up at 16

Emily Farris — Mon, 24 Dec 2007 16:07:00 GMT

From seattlepi.com: OLYMPIA -- The Bush administration is cutting off funding for abstinence-only sex education in Washington because this state now requires schools to provide additional, medically accurate information about preventing unintended pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.

The Light at the End of the Fallopian Tube: Nickelodeon + Jamie Lynn Spears After School Special?

Emily Farris — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 19:28:00 GMT

In light of recent events we need not mention yet again, Nickelodeon, the channel that hosts Jamie Lynn's show Zoey 101, is considering a special on teen sex:

"I think it's important that something be done, but I think it's important that it be done in a measured way, and not just to feed the beast of news stories," the potential host, newswoman Linda Ellerbee, said Thursday. "This is a great opportunity for parents at this moment to talk to their kids about this – more important, to listen to their kids about this."

She added: "Right now what Nick is trying to do – and what I am trying to do – is figure out what is the best thing to do for kids."

Yes, Nickelodeon! This seems like a good idea considering there are plenty of parents out there probably doing as good a job as Lynne Spears raising their kids.

Image via juniorcelebs.com

Jamie Lynn Spears: Legal in Some States

Emily Farris — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 19:25:00 GMT

We were so caught up with the ridiculousness and media circus that is Jamie Lynn Spears' pregnancy that we completely overlooked the whole possibility of statutory rape. Jamie Lynn is 16 and her baby daddy is 18. Lucky for them they were probably doin' it in Louisiana, where she lives, or California, where she tapes her show. A mere misdemeanor in either state.

CNN: Jamie Lynn Spears pregnancy raises legal questions