Scanner : assault

While You Were Sleeping: Paul Newman’s Gay Affair

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 15 May 2009 14:02:00 GMT

Free mp3’s from the likes of She & Him, Robyn Hitchcock, and Shawn Mullins can be yours if you donate so much as one dollar to save Paste Magazine.

We really feel bad for this woman who cried in her mugshot photo, even though she put up an ad on an elevator wall offering sex for money and gave out her real phone number.

Tom Hanks is upset his Angels and Demons sex scene was cut for the PG-13 rating.

John Mayer sends text messages that say “I want to tuck you in” when he really means a word that starts with “f” instead of “t,” according to the ever-reliable New York Post.

Hey Brits– the best breasts are in Yorkshire.

Gerard Butler has been charged with beating up a pap.

Shanna Moakler asked Carrie Prejean to “stop lying.”

And a new book claims Paul Newman and James Dean slept together. That seems believable– if we were forced at gunpoint to have sex with another man, it would have to be one of these two in their prime.

"Fairbanks Man Gets Plea Deal, Wedding"

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 16:22:00 GMT

It's always disturbed me to open a link someone sends me to read this on a newspaper's website: "FAIRBANKS-- A man charged with sexual assault is getting married." Thanks, but I'd rather not have either of those crimes attributed to me in dictionary definition form (i.e. FARRIS-- A woman charged with maintaining a stable of bearded men received probation today.")

Seriously, though, check out "my" quote in the paper today: “I’m dumbstruck to even have my name put in this situation,” he said. “This doesn’t begin to describe the caliber of man I am.” That about covers it. It also reminds us of the time we e-mailed Anton Newcombe, he the famed frontman for The Brian Jonestown Massacre about his having been convicted of murder in Australia. (It's true-- a man named Anton Newcombe is a convicted murderer.) His entire response: "Woah. Trippy."

Anyway, the actual story out of Fairbanks, Alaska is bizarre enough to warrant its own post, even without my name:

A 32-year-old man was charged with forcing his girlfriend to have sex with him by knifepoint. The three felony accounts were reduced to three misdemeanors after a strange and unforseen twist: the girlfriend says she's "hazy" on the events and never said that the act was nonconsensual. Even these are not uncommon. What really shocked the judge was this:

The woman, who asked not to be identified, briefly spoke at Thursday’s hearing and announced that she and Pignataro plan to get married soon.
“It’s very unusual for someone at sentencing to announce they’re getting married,” Downes said. “That’s the first time I’ve heard that for 40 years I’ve been doing this.”

Pignataro briefly spoke, attributing the charges, his only run-in with the law, to problems with alcohol. He vowed to stay sober in the future.

So, there you have it folks. How did the Judge fall for that ol' trick? Slash your girlfriends tires, force her to have sex with her, and then make her tell the judge you're going to marry her "one of these days" so he can get off with time served. It's the Fairbanks way.

More on this case via Daily News-Miner.

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Top 10 Feminist Icons... From A Male (Part One)

The Only Thing Stranger Than Love on Omegle: Blogger Marries a Commenter

Erykah Badu's Stalker

Important Music Trend: Olds Backed Up by Cutes

Semen Now Considered A Dangerous Weapon In Oregon

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 15:35:00 GMT

Last June, a woman who had recently broken up with her boyfriend was shopping with her young daughter at the Portland, Oregon Target, just minding her own business. Out of nowhere, her scorned lover approached her and threw-- not acid-- but his own spunk in her face, while the little girl looked on in horror.

The man's eventual convicted for assault wasn't enough for Oregon legislators. Earlier this week, they made it a crime more akin to sexual assault, with greater punishments, and passed a bill making the act of throwing your semen at someone a crime. (The state House passed it unanimously; now the moves on to the Senate, where it will likely have smooth sailing.)

We're not entirely pleased with what we expel during sex either and are always surprised (but in no way appalled) that our partners haven't minded handling it. But having it thrown on you in a public place? This is one of the few bills in the history of humankind that we can all get behind.

Meanwhile, men the world over continue to glorify an arguably degrading practice. The most popular photos of the morning were these Got Milk "parodies" from a Russian tease magazine:

Story via OregonLive.

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: The Accidental Porn Screening

Crush of the Week: Lisa Batiashvili

Hey Ireland: Good Luck Stopping Internet Porn

Christina Ricci Was Born To Be A Porn Star

America's Next Topless Model Is... The Judge

This Whole Chris Brown and Rihanna Story Is Getting Sicker By The Day

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 18:46:00 GMT

One of the saddest celebrity relationship stories of all-time gets worse by the day. Yesterday, a tabloid published Rihanna's personal phone number, Chris Brown obtained a reprieve and... oh no... now there are strong rumors that the two may have gotten married in secret.

There must be something we can do to put a stop to the madness...

1) Defamer reported that Extra, in their published report on the Chris Brown search warrant, failed to properly and entirely redact the phone numbers included in the affidavit. Defamer called one of the numbers and got what appears to be Rihanna's voice on a voice mail. Great, just what this girl needs-- more people bothering her.

2) Yesterday, Brown appeared in court for his arraignment on two felonies but will not have to enter a (not) guilty plea until April 6th. TMZ speculates that the singer may try for a plea deal to make this case go away-- although, without Rihanna playing ball for them, the prosecution might have a tough time winning a jury trial against him. Later on, Chris went out partying with just his bodyguards, staying out until almost four o'clock in the morning. This guy just doesn't know what the hell he's doing, does he?

3) The blog Geno's World is as pissed about all this as we are. They, like many Rihanna fans and other observers, are pulling their hair out at the idea that Rihanna is sticking with this guy and may have even married him, as if that's going to help anything. He's clearly not going to learn how to behave by being rewarded with your devotion. Geno asked a convicted murderer what would happen to Chris Brown in prison... out of pure curiosity, of course. Of course.

"He better come prepared for some fun. That's all I gotta say. What do I mean? There's a lotta fellas here who love Rihanna and her music. They ain't too happy with what went down. I mean, you can't treat a princess like Rihanna like that. You gotta show some respect for a goddess like that. The guys here would love to show Chris how to really treat a woman. And you know what I mean, Chris would be the woman. That man is too damn pretty. He'd be very popular in here."

These words would be disturbing if we weren't not-so-secretly thrilled to hear them. Is that wrong?

Related:

Rihanna May Not Have Been the Only One Chris Brown Beat Up

Sloppy Seconds: Crazy Baby Lady Even Crazier Than We Thought

Sloppy Seconds: What Will Rihanna Say to Chris Brown?

While You Were Sleeping: Oscar Upsets?

While You Were Sleeping: The Rihanna Nightmare Continues

Sloppy Seconds: What Do David Lynch and The Dalai Lama Have in Common?

Emily Farris — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 23:33:00 GMT

Porn: it's where your tax dollars are going. [KMBC-TV]

A Rod—or that dude Madonna was fucking, depending on what kind-of news you follow—has admitted to using performance enhancing drugs. You know, for baseball. [Jossip]

It has been confirmed that Rihanna was the woman Chris Brown assaulted on Saturday, resulting in both of their absences at yesterday's Grammy Awards show. [FadedYouth]

How many times does Jodie Sweetin have to tell you she's no longer a Meth addict? [People]

A 16-year-old prisoner was found in the back of a judge's car. Unfortunately, it's not as exciting as it sounds. [The Macomb Daily]

Dude! The Dalai Lama is Twittering! [Yahoo!]

So is David Lynch! [Twitter]

Woman With the Best Perv Name Ever to Be Sentenced For, Well, Being a Perv

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 17:03:00 GMT

Maryland just received a much-needed injection of seediness after a small-town English teacher pleaded guilty yesterday to a sex crime involving one of her students.

The media is having a field day with this one, with television reporters gleefully repeating her porn star name over and over to soak up a bit more of that ratings glory...

According to the Baltimore Sun, Autumn Lee Leathers (yum) faces a one-year prison sentence after taking a plea deal from prosecutors, who tossed out charges of assault and child abuse. The crime she is now guilty of? Having a torrid, three-month sex fest with a 15-year-old boy, which became so loud and publicly obnoxious that her neighbors finally had to rat her out:

Officers say they were contacted by a resident, who noticed the student at Leathers’ home several times n the late evening.

When he was interviewed by officers, the student told them he and Leathers had a sexual relationship that started in May of this year and continued throughout the summer.

Authorities believe all of the sexual activity occurred at Leathers’ home, not in the school. A search warrant was executed at Leathers’ home on Braddock Street in Frostburg Wednesday evening, where police found other evidence that has become part of the investigation. [Naughty Neighbors]

Leathers was 24 at the time of her crimes-- and was admittedly kind of a cutie then-- so, she becomes part of our ongoing thesis about attractive 22- to 29-year-old teachers in America finding that, for the first time in their lives, there are "men" that are off-limits to them and how great it makes them feel to break the rules...

Related:

Today in Teacher Sex: Louisiana and New York Pervs Reach New Heights

First Gay Mayor in the U.S. Already Embroiled in Major Sex Scandal

Sloppy Seconds: Psychology Teachers Getting In On The Student Sex Craze

Boy Wages Internet Campaign To Stop Cussing, With Predictably Hilarious Results

Sloppy Seconds: Psychology Teachers Getting In On The Student Sex Craze

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 20:17:00 GMT

Kelly Osbourne has been arrested for smacking a woman who insulted her future ex-husband.

The Biggy Smalls biopic Notorious is causing theater owners to freak out. There have been reports of shootings and then this near-riot and outdoor fight has police scrambling for backup.

This may be the coolest thing ever created with Legos...

Obama fever has officially hit Legoland. The Carlsbad, CA, park has modified its U.S. Capitol model to illustrate the historic Presidential Inauguration of Barack Obama. The display opens to the public tomorrow, Jan. 16, and will stay on through Memorial Day. Photos by Christopher Victorio. [SF Weekly]

The latest school sex scandal? Seems a psychologist in Idaho was pissed teachers are getting all the underage ass.

Grandpa... became Grandma.

Previously: people using the inaugural to rent out their apartments on Craig's List for astronomical amounts of money. Now: people using the inaugural to troll Craig's List for random sex. One poster wants you and another lady to join him in his hotel jacuzzi-- don't miss out.

UPS delivers, baby.

A London man is all set to marry his fiancee... unfortunately, she died in a car accident. (No, really, this is a beautiful story.)

And word on the street has it that the documentary on Lil' Wayne is the surprise hit of this year's Sundance Festival. Click here to find out why.

Related:

Boy Wages Internet Campaign To Stop Cussing, With Predictably Hilarious Results

While You Were Sleeping: Sarah Palin Is A Big, Whiny Phony

Teacher Takes In A 13-Year-Old Boy-- You Know What Happens Next...

Who Would You Rather: Hot For Teacher Tournament

14-Year-Old Girl Sold Into Marital And Sexual Slavery For $16 Grand

While You Were Sleeping: Mexican Beauty Queen Stripped... Of Her Title

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 14:03:00 GMT

Players and connoisseurs of music, Thelonious Monk's advice on playing in his band is an essential look at a mad genius.

Never been kissed? These kooks hadn't either, so they decided to make out in public and then tell the Daily News their real names.

Courtney Love and the Kardashians are at war...

Courtney Love faces possible legal action after accusing socialite Kim Kardashian's brother Rob of punching one of her gay employees.
In an angry rant on her MySpace page written on Wednesday, Love alleged that Kardashian's brother Rob Jr. broke the nose of her employee while calling him a "faggot" in September.

Love writes: "Rob Jr. cold socked and punched my employee right in his face for no reason and broke his nose after my guy was hanging out with his pal Brody Jenner one night outside Hyde lounge."

Talk about adding insult to injury: not only is he named Mike Hunt, but the internet makes fun of his name when he's murdered.

At last, CNN does something good with its website: it reports on a 17-year-old Maryland kid who heard about violence against Sudanese women who go looking for firewood and decided to raise money to send them stoves.

The war between Lindsay Lohan and her father, and her father and Samantha Ronson, rages on.

A Mexican beauty queen lost her title after getting caught up in a drug sweep.

$100,000 worth of cashews were stolen in Sydney yesterday.

And rumors involving the possible engagement of Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen turn out to have been false (we think.)

Sloppy Seconds: Hillary Clinton Nominated For President?

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 20:51:00 GMT

Would someone please make one of these for us and send it by mail to Scanner, New York, NY? Of course, you'll need to get us a nano, too...

Natalie Wood's longtime lover planned, at one point, to murder Warren Beatty. The world doesn't know how close it came to losing Bulworth.

The decision by America's Next Top Model to feature a transgender contestant has been met with praise from at least one group: GLAAD.

Rejoice, travelers: Gay sex is now A-OK with Panama!

Meghan McCain just wet her pants: the Hills spinoff is taking on D.C.

Christian Bale will not be charged with any hitting or not hitting of any family members.

And Hillary Clinton will be nominated at this month's Democratic National Convention. Symbolically, of course-- or so they promise us. Who wants odds that somebody's going to take this gimme and pull a coup?

Related:

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McCain Blogette: Hot or Not?

What Do We Think About Britain's Missing Top Model?

Who Would You Rather: Elizabeth Berkley or Tyra Banks?

The Top 5 Hollywood Players Who Did Porn

New Orleans Politician Arrested While Getting-- How Perfect-- A Lap Dance

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 12:01:00 GMT

Our idiot of the day is State Senator Derrick Shepherd, who was busted for assaulting and robbing his ex-girlfriend at his house (which he claims isn't his house), while getting what officers figured was a lap dance...

1) In the wee hours of Saturday morning, Shepherd, who represents a district in Louisiana's Jefferson Parish, began throwing rocks at his ex-girlfriend's bedroom window (according to the unproven claim by the ex, of course.) When his ex made the huge mistake of letting him in, he thanked her for her courtesy by punching her in the stomach.

2) The ex then locked herself in a second floor room. Most guys would get the hint by now, but not this Senator: he fought valiantly for her attentions, damaging the door in the process. Somehow, the ex subsequently escaped from the house, but...

3) ...for some insane reason, decided not to go for help, reentered the house and "shoved," she says, Shepherd out of it. That was when she discovered that her cell phone and $100 was missing.

4) Cops showed up a little while later at an address they knew to be Shepherd's. Shepherd, you should know, has been fighting charges that he does not legally reside in the district he represents. (The house where the police found him at, which everyone knows is his full-time residence, is actually three miles outside the district, which would make him ineligible for the seat.)

5) The cops enter and find two unidentified women (hookers? strippers? transvestite stripper hookers? what, tell us!) plus Shepherd on the couch. One of the women is performing the act that Tila Tequila is failing to do in the above picture. The NOPD arrest Shepherd.

Okay, this is all fine and dandy so far, but where's the payoff? Not to worry, we won't let you down:

6) The article goes on to state that

the [missing] phone was later found at Shepherd's home when he was arrested. [The ex apparently] sustained abrasions to her left wrist and her lower abdomen.
In April, Shepherd was indicted by a federal grand jury on five criminal charges, including mail fraud, conspiracy to commit mail and wire fraud, and conspiracy to commit money laundering. Prosecutors say he fabricated records at his law office to give unlicensed bond broker Gwen Moyo access to $141,000 in checks written to one of her companies whose accounts were frozen by the state Department of Insurance. He kept about $65,000 and returned the rest to Moyo and her associates. About $20,000 of that amount was used to pay campaign debt, according to the indictment.
In his comments to reporters Sunday morning, Shepherd responded to the newest charges by saying he can take it if people criticize him, but it's a different matter if people threaten his mother or sister.
"The only thing I'm guilty of is not calling the police first myself," he said.

Ah, the old They Insulted My Mother sympathy trick! We haven't seen this since police started laughing criminals into custody for this one a hundred years ago. Since then, most people are intelligent enough to either keep their mouths shut or come up with a better excuse.

Please don't resign (yet), Senator Shepherd. You're keeping us highly entertained...

Via NOLA.com.

While You Were Sleeping: Autistic Children Are Brats?

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 13:58:00 GMT

The YouTube divorce trial has ended with no surprises. She signed a prenup, so that pretty sure wrapped it up. (Oh yeah, airing your husband's dirty laundry in front of three million people on the internet could not have helped your standing with the judge.)

John McCain's essay on the Iraq War was rejected by the New York Times. And not because he's wrong on every single point.

Various British media outlets are reporting Christian Bale will be questioned by police over allegations he beat his mother and sister the night before the European premiere of the new Batman movie...

His mother and sister reportedly complained that the 34-year-old actor assaulted them at a west London hotel on Sunday.
Britain's Press Association said they made the allegation at a police station in south England on Monday and that the allegation was passed on to Scotland Yard in London. It said questioning was expected Tuesday. [CNN]

A Palestinian man was killed near Obama's hotel (he wasn't yet staying there, though) after the man rammed several vehicles in what is believed to have been an attack unrelated to the Senator's visit.

A court overruled the fine leveled by the FCC against CBS for the 2004 "warddrobe malfunction incident." Hooray for free speech... and more importantly... hooray for oddly-pierced boobies.

And talk show host and (big surprise) hardcore conservative Michael Savage is under attack after saying 99 percent of all kids with autism are nothing more than "brats."

UPDATE: According to Yahoo! News, Bale is under arrest in connection with the previously-reported incident, although the Guardian is reporting the charge is for assaulting his mother and not both his mother and sister.

Related:

Who Would You Rather: Michelle Pfeiffer vs. Julie Newmar

We Saw The Dark Knight In A Cavernous Movie Theater, During The Dead Of Night

Video of the Day: "American Psycho" as RomCom

Democratic Leaders Accused of Satantic Sex & Kidnapping, Woo Hoo

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 14:06:00 GMT

Our right-wing readers are going to be thrilled with this story, while the rest of us are going to wince with embarrassment... at best...

1) A Durham, NC couple was charged with kidnapping, assault, rape, and other un-PC crimes after shocking revelations began to appear in a local courtroom.

2) According to an anonymous couple that met Joy Johnson and Joseph Craig (via the internet, it seems), the foursome shared an interest in Our Everloving Master, Mr. Satan.

3) The anonymous couple dropped by for tea and were rewarded for their devotion by being

shackled... to beds, kept... in dog cages and starved.... [Craig, the hubby] was charged with beating the man with a cane and a cord and with raping the woman.

4) The assistant DA provides our Understatement of the 21st and 22nd Century, for sure:

"This goes well above what they were interested in doing."

5) According to the local news

Johnson, who was third vice-chair of the Durham County Democratic Party and vice-chair for the Young Democrats, was charged with two counts of aiding and abetting. Prosecutors said she knew her husband planned the crime and watched as they were committed.
She has resigned her positions with the Democratic Party, said state Sen. Floyd McKissick, D-Durham.
"She seemed to be a very open, reasonable, responsible person, but certainly, the allegations that have been made are shocking to everybody who has known her," McKissick said. "We wish her the best going through this difficult and trying time."

I'm sure it was very "trying" for her, poor baby.

6) Our favorite part, which most news sources overlooked, is their website:

Craig and Johnson operate a business called Indigo Dawn Inc. that is described on a Web site as a spiritual growth service offering "past life reconstruction" and "communication with spirit guides." The site talks about Johnson's activism and describes Craig as a reverend and a "devout student of magick."

Can the Lifetime movie be far behind.

Via WRAL.

The Amy Winehouse Comeback Begins...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 15:10:00 GMT

Following her triumphant return to live performance on Friday night at the Nelson Mandela 90th Birthday Concert, trouble and also success followed Amy Winehouse to Glastonbury...

You can see footage of an alleged punch Amy threw at a fan during Saturday's Glastonbury Festival, via the BBC's website, but it doesn't appear to be a big deal. And although the singer appears dazed and drugged-out (as usual), she reportedly made it through the performance without any major collapses.

Organizers seemed happy, although not all fans were thrilled with her crack-and-cigarettes-tainted voice. In any case, this marks two completed gigs in a row, neither of which included any meltdowns or irrelevant cursing of police, fans, or authorities. And again, this punch that the media is talking about appears to be a push against what was probably a rowdy fan.

Anyway, who cares? Blake is being released, according to Amy, in two weeks, so this is just the first of many high points to come. Meanwhile, check out her uncut performance from Friday night.

Via MTV News and BBC News.

Scanner Roundtable: Supreme Court Rules Against Executions For Child Rape

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 14:35:00 GMT

Yesterday, the Supreme Court of the United States ruled, by a 5-4 margin (as usual), that the death penalty cannot be used on rapists who do not commit murder.

This immediately affects a case in Louisiana, but Texas was prepared for this possibility.

The decision does not entirely overturn Jessica's Law in Texas, the statute named after Jessica Lunsford, a Florida girl who was abducted and killed in 2005. The ruling invalidates the Texas death provision, but legislators created a fallback position in the statute: Life without parole would apply if capital punishment for child rape was outlawed.

We're against the death penalty in every form, mainly because the idea of someone rotting in prison, closed up in a cubicle the size of our closet for decades on end seems way more fitting for a murderer than a few years in prison and then a quick, possibly painful death. And we read Dead Man Walking when we were about 13, so that could have something to do with it.

What do you think? Did the Supreme Court make the right call or are they whimps? Should the death penalty be legal at all?

Via the Dallas Morning News.

Nevada Governor Sex Scandals, Part 226

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 18:30:00 GMT

Pictured above: Vegas showgirls, with a man who is not the Governor of Nevada, but might as well be.

The Governor of Nevada, called "the most scandal-ridden governor in the history of" the state, and alleged molester of a woman in a parking garage, is going through a divorce so messy, he's making Scanner Emily and the rest of Las Vegas cringe...

Jim Gibbons is accused of violating the sanctity of the Republican oath with this latest round of sordid details in his crazy divorce battle. (Gibbons, you'll recall, was accused of assaulting a woman in a parking lot in 2006.)

1) "The Republican politician has brawled over custody of his 23-room official mansion – Dawn eventually moved into the guesthouse – and been repeatedly accused of lying. The month-long case has shocked even residents of Nevada's largest city, Las Vegas."

2) There is an ongoing "FBI investigation into claims that he took illegal gifts – including a free cruise staffed by Bunny Girls – from a defense contractor while serving in Congress." It was worth if it was staffed by Bunny Girls. And fuckin' free.

3) "Mrs. Gibbons detailed [her husband's] 'infatuation and involvement' with the wife of a Reno doctor. She described herself as 'a castaway wife' who had been jilted by a man who 'succumbed to the wiles' of a rival. 'Lust is the real villain here,' she claimed." Sources say the latest Love Gov. "was spotted at a sushi bar with his alleged girlfriend, and also attended her daughter's high school play."

4) Later on, Gov. Gibbons took "a dark-haired woman to the film 'Sex and the City.'"

More on the messy details... from the UK Independent.

Police Shoot "Drug Dealer" 5 Times, Find No Drugs

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 12 May 2008 15:55:00 GMT

As Congress moves to debate Barney Frank's bill to legalize marijuana for medical purposes, a man in Little Rock, Arkansas is recovering from an incident in the ongoing War on Drugs that left him with five bullet wounds, charges for assault and dealing, barely able to walk, unable to work, and with a bad case of post-traumatic stress disorder. On top of that, all the facts in the case point to his complete innocence...

But that's just the half of it...

Tracy Ingle, 40, was sleeping in his Little Rock home when police with a no-knock warrant barreled through his front door. Instinctively, Ingle reached for his pistol and was promptly shot five times. In the ensuing debacle, police, who had suspected Ingle of running a drug operation out of his house, tore the place apart and found no drugs and no evidence of an illegal operation.

Best of all, Ingle's gun didn't even work-- it was "broken," according to a reporter, showing that he "had no intention of killing anyone." Here's a further list of tragedies that befell Ingle:

1) Ingle was taken from the hospital, where he was in intensive care, and taken to the local police station for four hours of questioning. Again, no drugs had been found in the raid and no drugs ever were found.

2) Ingle was in jail for four days. While in jail, he was supposed to have someone change his wounds every couple of hours. Ingle told the Arkansas Times the wounds were changed twice in the entire time he was locked up, leaving him infected all over.

3) The police claim, however, that a scale and several small bags found in Ingle's house were evidence enough of a nasty drug cartel, and the judge agreed, slapping Ingle with $250,000 for bail. Ingle's sister: Those things are for my jewelry-making business, you idiots.

4) In order to pay that outrageous bail, Ingle was forced to sell his car. He walked two miles on crutches to his most recent hearing.

5) One of the five bullets officers fired is stuck near Ingle's heart and will never be removed.

Currently, the case is at a standstill, with each side lacking the evidence to go after the other. Ingle's defense fell apart recently when his neighbor, who allegedly witnessed the entire incident, caved to police pressure after four hours of questioning and changed his story. Ingle, meanwhile, is attempting to raise money for his defense (and perhaps a possible million-dollar civil suit) by raising money via Paypal.

The War on Drugs rages on...

Read the full story in Reason Magazine.

Amy Winehouse's Rampage

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 18:48:00 GMT

Amy was on the warpath again the other night, assaulting up to three people (that we know of), injuring herself and her reputation, and even inexplicably shouting for all to hear: "I am a legend, get these people out. I want to take drugs."

Her list of crimes, all according to a Yahoo! News summation.

1) She headbutted a total stranger whom she thought was trying to grope her shriveled boobs. Actually, dude, he was trying to hail you a cab. Not everybody is into 42 pound junkies, okay?

2) According to the Sun & the AP: "she allegedly punched a second person in the face before walking herself into a lamppost." Classic Marx Brothers material-- if the Marx Brothers were as dumb as Will Ferrell's last ten movies.

3) She was hanging out with, for much of the evening, Pete Doherty. Enough said.

4) And that's only the epilogue to the evening. Winehouse was barhopping earlier and slugged a male patron who refused to give up the billiards table:

"I feel so angry," musician Mustapha el Mounmi, who posed for the paper in his swollen-lipped glory, told the tabloid. "She smashed my face hard. I could not hit back—she's a woman."

5) One more PS, according to E!:

While Winehouse eventually made it home early Wednesday morning, she reportedly added one last insult to injury by stiffing her cab driver, refusing to pay any more than half of her fare.

Beauty Queens are People, Too

Emily Farris — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 16:01:00 GMT

People who bite, and threaten ex-boyfriends with handguns, and do some kidnapping on the side:

Kumari Fulbright, 25, who is midway through her second year in law school, faces a long prison term if convicted of kidnapping, armed robbery, aggravated robbery and two counts of aggravated assault.
Fulbright, who competed for the Miss Arizona title in 2005 and 2006, recently completed a semester-long unpaid stint clerking for a federal judge, U.S. District Judge Raner Collins, his office said. She also poses wearing a shiny black bikini in a 2008 calendar that features women holding guns.

Even though we're not huge fans of guns, we'll admit to owning a pair of black boyshort underwear with a red handgun silk screened on the front -- so we don't have a problem with the whole gun thing. And we could give a rat's ass about beauty pageants. What's really on our mind is the fact that she kind-of, almost looks hotter in her mug shot.

But then again, we've been told we're often attracted to "broken people."

Via Yahoo: Ariz. beauty queen accused of kidnapping

Top image via missamerica.org