Scanner : art porn

While You Were Sleeping: The Fate of Project Runway

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 13:16:00 GMT

Mona Lisa from burger grease! The great smirking later has never been sexier. (Luckily, this isn't one of those "it's a turd shaped like my aunt Josefa, let's sell it on eBay" things, but art.)

A strip club takes on the McDonald's logo, McDonald's takes them to court.

You think Snoop Dogg's remixes of Johnny Cash songs will be any good?

Two typos, two accidental calls to two different phone sex lines. The first, which Emily mentioned yesterday, involves cereal, the second... Hillary Clinton.

Jonathan Coulton has a new DVD out called Best. Concert. Ever. We predict it will be a live recording.

NBC affiliates should learn never to underestimate Jay Leno's ability to draw viewers.

Meanwhile, the television company will air a documentary focused on Farrah Fawcett's battle with breast cancer.

The Project Runway lawsuit was settled-- the show will air again this summer, this time on the Lifetime Network.

And instead of beating up the fan who exposed himself to her, Lady Gaga signed the man's naughty bits.

Did You Miss The Sex Workers' Art Show Tour?

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 17:50:00 GMT

If you missed them this week in Virginia and North Carolina, don't fret-- we have the lowdown on the Sex Workers' Art Show's Limited 2009 Dirty South Tour...

According to the official website, tour participants included World Famous *BOB* (top) and porn star Lorelei Lee (above.) The tour's focus was on "spoken word, music, drag, burlesque, and multimedia performance art. Intelligent and hot, disturbing and hilarious, the performances offer a wide range of perspectives on sex work, from celebration of prostitutes' rights and sex-positivity to views from the darker sides of the industry."

The promoters wanted "to dispel the myth that they are anything short of artists, innovators, and geniuses!" We don't know about that last part, especially with the exclamation point, but this attitude sure garnered a lot of attention.

In Williamsburg, Virginia, this week, conservative knuckleheads meddled as usual, trying to tell college students what they should and should not see. The only thing these people know about the First Amendment is that it comes before the one with the guns.

Last year, their devotion to this divisive annual event helped get their popular president Gene Nichol ousted by fire-breathing conservatives on the Board of Visitors and the state legislature.

Nichol opposed the show on principle, yet backed his students' decision and refused to ban it from campus.
His successor, W. Taylor Reveley, has done exactly the same, yet remains unsinged.

I'm not saying it's the students' fault Nichol was forced out. The fault lies with the hypocrites who used the sex show as one more briquette to burn him at the stake. [Daily Press]

Great job, right-wingers. You ousted an honest man and had him replaced with... a guy who also slightly disagrees with your Puritanical views. It's too bad there's no such thing as hell, because... well, maybe we're getting carried away. The show seems to have been a success in spite of all this political nonsense, and we look forward to seeing it further up the east coast...

Via the Sex Workers' Art Show website.

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Nude Night Invades Florida

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 19:36:00 GMT

The peaceful small town of Orlando, Florida was considering going to bed early on Saturday when word began to spread among the populace: "Dude, you're going to miss Naked Night 2009!"

According to its website, Nude Night "is a juried art exhibition with hundreds of artists celebrating the body beautiful by creating a bazaar-like atmosphere of artistic talents not only in photographs and paintings, but also in live body painting, sensual performances, shapely sculpture and experimental installations." When you're done catching your breath, here's the layman's version: it's a shitton of nude art and several hundred leering guests.

The evenings begin with cocktails and DJs blasting out lounge music, while patrons peruse the immobile art projects. Later on, performers leap to the stage to offer "interpretations on the theme," according to the website. (See above photos.)

In case this sounds like your ideal evening out, don't despair, for the Nude Night art fair will hit Tampa this coming weekend, starting on Thursday and running through Saturday. Don't miss it... and remember to e-mail us a link to your Twitter pics.

Via their website. Top photo via the Orlando Sun-Sentinel.

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Museum Erotica Might Be the Economy's Next Victim

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 19:56:00 GMT

Copenhagen, Demark's Museum Erotica may be going out of business. Sources say that a public plea failed when the new investors pulled out at the last minute (no pun intended.)

A loss of this magnitude would be have worldwide consequences-- after all, where else are you going to see all this NSFW sex-related art?

According to the Copenhagen Post, the Museum may be put up for sale as early as today:

The City Council’s cultural committee has turned down a request to support the museum and the museum’s chief executive, Hanne Stensgaard, said the museum is facing the sale of its extensive collection.
The museum is home to more than 1,500 artifacts and pictures depicting erotica through the ages. [Copenhagen Post]

If that ends up happening, you know that private pervs will keep all these glorious art pieces to themselves, so enjoy them now, thanks to Flickr and other internet sources:

1) Statue from the museum; 2) Kama Sutra painting; 3) What's up with this figurine's penis?; 4) Yes, that is a vagina cam; 5) A sex doll or the new Pamela Anderson spread for Playboy?; 6) A Marilyn Monroe exhibit was featured recently at the museum.

Check out the museum's website-- hopefully, there will be news of a last-second savior any minute now...

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Naked Man Takes Over the Tate

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 14:47:00 GMT

Have you ever noticed that museums host an assortment of paintings and photos of nude women, but hardly any of men?

These noble internet troublemakers noticed...

An image of a naked delivery driver from Newcastle has been projected onto the side of Tate Britain in a bid to break the taboo of showing the male form.

But the stunt is not the product of the art establishment, 25-year-old Neill Richardson was dared to show off his body on a bragging website.

He sent in the picture - displaying his tattoos and behind - and it was (somehow) picked as the 'best' and projected 50ft tall onto the side of the famous art gallery. [Newslite]

While their intentions may not have been as heroic as some might suggest (they weren't out to "break the taboo" any more than they wanted to top a similar prank from 1999 that projected a naked Gail Porter onto the backside of Parliament), at least now people in the art world are discussing that controversial subject: the nude male form and the unspoken conservative suppression of it.

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Agyness Deyn Looks Even More Like A Boy In Sketch Form

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 19:56:00 GMT

Ever wanted to see nude drawings of Agyness Deyn, Karl Lagerfeld and Donatella Versace?

Us neither, but they're after the jump anyway...

The point of these semi-nudes? We're not sure, although they are all drawings for Grazia Daily, a UK-based publication, and by Henry Holland. Holland, an artist/designer/fashion person, is widely recognized as the man who discovered Deyn, a feat of historic and earth-shaking proportions.

Photo via the Bosh.

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Eliza Dushku Set For Fame Thanks To This Sex Scene

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 19:10:00 GMT

Nobel Son, an indie favorite from last year's Tribeca Film Festival, finally gets released today in a few theaters throughout the country. And although it stars Alan Rickman, Danny Devito, Mary Steenburgen (a personal favorite of ours), Ted Danson, and Bill Pullman, we doubt anything will make you want to see more than this sex scene teaser...

Eliza Dushku, who played Faith on Buffy and Angel and starred in Bring It On, is set to break out from the B-list pack with this art film... and an Ali Larter/Sophie Monk-style nude surprise. Since it's a teaser, we don't get much more than side boob, but we don't need actual boobs to get turned on. Here we go...

This link will take you to a much higher quality clip, with more ass. Not bad... for an art film.

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Kim Cattrall: The Magically Naked 52-Year-Old Woman

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 17:46:00 GMT

There's no question Kim Cattrall has aged well. But the Sex and the City movie was obnoxious and misguided endeavor and the show itself has turned into the television equivalent of Pulp Fiction or the Beat Generation-- the original's cultural takeover and subsequent imitators have made us wary of the originals.

Are we tired of her yet? Are we interested in seeing the perennially topless actress in the buff once again, at age 52, for an artistic cause?

The sex-starved editors at the BBC apparently thought we'd care, as they sent us these tantalizing photos of Cattrall and some cohorts recreating a classic painting to help raise the 50 million pounds necessary to save the original.

Here are the photos... as for the painting, you can see that here. Yep, nothing like the recreation.

And Miss Cattrall features as Diana in the picture alongside art students from the Courtauld Institute and performers from the hit West End burlesque show La Clique.

Tom said: 'Kim is the perfect Diana. Just like the Greek goddess, she combines beauty with a sense of threat.
'She was a great sport and at 52 made an amazing Diana. She more than held her own among a room full of twenty-somethings.

What's your take?

Via the Daily Mail.

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Now Sweden Has Its Very Own Orgasm Church

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 16:46:00 GMT

A Swedish court handed down a decision last week acknowledging that The Madonna of Orgasm Church (the other Madonna) had a right to registration as a faith organization, which, according to news reports, is some sort of slap in the face to Christians...

Originally, the Legal, Financial and Administrative Services Agency (Kammarkollegiet) had refused the church’s registration application on the grounds that its name may offend Christians.

What, because of the word Madonna? Man, those freaks need to get over themselves.

According to the Skånska Dagbladet newspaper, the idea for the church came to Bebeacua, who is the church’s self-appointed cardinal, after a painting of his entitled 'The Madonna of Orgasm' sparked protests requiring police action during the 1992 World’s Fair in Seville, Spain.

“The orgasm is God, the orgasm should be worshiped,” Bebeacua told the Kvällsposten newspaper.

“The orgasm is the ultimate feeling of lust, it shouldn’t be limited to ejaculation. You can reach it through art or by looking at a landscape and thinking ‘Wow!’”

Bebeacua says his church has a few hundred followers, but we beg to differ: it's more like hundreds of millions, all of whom would probably welcome climaxing via landscape, if only we could figure out how the hell that's going to happen...

Via the Local.

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While You Were Sleeping: The Porn Collage

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 13:08:00 GMT

Is eugenics still being practiced in Louisiana? A politician there wants to give women $1,000 to tie their tubes in order to reduce the welfare rolls.

Although Shia LaBeouf's license is going to be suspended, he won't be charged with a DUI in his recent car crash.

Which American celebrity is Damien Hirst's latest, humiliated subject?

A well-known British artist who has made collage portraits of President Bush and Paris Hilton out of porn magazine images is exhibiting the pictures at a gallery in New York.
A gallery spokeswoman says Jonathan Yeo's portrait of Hilton was bought by the artist Damien Hirst ahead of Thursday's opening.

Hirst is offering Hilton a cut of the sales because she never received "royalties" from her sex tape. Huh? Whatever.

Will Sarah Michelle Gellar return to television? For HBO?!

You thought it made sense for that woman to sleep with a cop to get out of a speeding ticket? This guy would have to have marry the cop to get out of his two million bucks in parking tickets.

Some gas station owner in Michigan dropped prices and made up the difference selling T-shirts.

JP Morgan will buy Washington Mutual.

Planned Parenthood doesn't quite understand how, but it's getting thousands of donations in Sarah Palin's name. It wouldn't be so weird if, um, Sarah Palin supported anything PP stood for.

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Howard Schatz Reminds Us How Much Steamier Sex Is Underwater

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 19:41:00 GMT

Fleshot has alerted us to photographer Howard Schatz's stunning collection of underwater nudes, which are now available on his website. Most of these were published in his celebrated 2007 book H20.

H20 is now exhibiting in Innsbruck, Montreal, and Louisville... but we present a grand tease of some of the finest shots we've come across...

To read more about Schatz and his show, check out his website here.

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Vegas Presents The Erotic Heritage Museum

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 15:17:00 GMT

A few weeks back, The Erotic Heritage Museum, dedicated to porny art, opened in Las Vegas.

Now that we've had time to look over some of its exhibits, we present a full rundown for your titillation...

Here are some of our favorite images, all from currently-featured artists:

The Museum was founded by Harry Mohney, an "Erotologist" (is that sort of like a proctologist, but with an even greater love of anal?) and Ted McIlvenna. They have scoured permanent collections the world over to bring you "the very best of erotic art." Their museum claims

celebrating our erotic heritage is one of the great spiritual movements of our time. To that end, the Exodus Trust [which houses the museum] is dedicated to seeking out, evaluating, acquiring and preserving sexual artifacts for future generations.

For the priviledge of leering at all this fine, fine art, you'll be charged $15 admission. Of course, seniors get in for $12...

Learn more here...

Middle images by François Dubeau.

Top images from Jacqueline Cooper's Well Hung exhibit at the museum.

Apparently, A Naked Woman Is Automatically Lewd And/Or Erotic Now

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 14:32:00 GMT

Do you consider this obscene? Not the pictures specifically, but the Venus sculpture itself, which had been situated at Woorim Beach on Bribie Island in Queensland, Australia...

Well, the Mayor thought so, overruling his own City Council, which put it there. His quotes and the local reaction, simultaneously hilarious and sad after all we've been through as a single human race...

Mayor Allan Sutherland ordered the sculpture, representing the "birth of Venus", be removed from its popular Woorim Beach, only two weeks after it was included at a public opening of the revamped beachside area.
"The sculpture is offensive to women. We have to take it back to whoever made it and ask that it be changed," said Cr Sutherland. "It's offensive in an area where there's lots of kids and families."

Oh, Allan! Our hero! cry the feminist females of Queensland. Thank you for consulting with us and hearing our overwhelming reaction to this dreadful, offensive, disgusting (because, remember, vagina = disgusting) work of "art." And judging by the pictures, you were totally spot on about families and the kiddies being freaked.

Beenleigh artist Antone Bruinsma, who created the sculpture, said he was "extremely disappointed" that the artwork was removed from Woorim Beach to a council yard, and said he had not been contacted by the council about changing the sculpture.

He said it was an important portrayal of a woman's body.

"I don't have a problem with children seeing a depiction of a woman's vagina, it's not done in a lewd or an erotic way," he said.

Typical man! Of course he loves seeing vagina... especially seeing vagina that he's made with his own hands, groping and tweaking it. Perv!

Seriously, let's leave it to mothers of three to start their children out right by informing them that vaginas are bad and we should be ashamed for possessing them:

Mother-of-three Terri Johnson, 35, from Morayfield, said the sculpture should be in an art gallery where there would be a more appropriate audience.

"It's not appropriate here, it's not the right spot for it, with young families, where you have to explain everything and kids start asking questions," she said.

God forbid they should think their bodies are natural, Terri. Godspeed.

Via News.com.au.

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"This Is The City's Response To A Penis" One of Many Classic Moments From Nude Gallery Raid

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 13:45:00 GMT

As Lou Reed would say, "My week beats your year!"

You'd have had a hard time finding a wilder good time on Friday than the opening night party of St. Petersburg, Florida's Erotic Lounge, which ended in arrests, tears, and a giant penis.

1) The police in St. Petersburg receive a call from a whiny, busybody neighbor regarding a giant penis statue that has been placed in front of the Erotic Lounge, an art gallery.

2) Police arrive and see that there is a penis sculpture, probably seven or eight feet tall, in front of the entrance. They ask the gallery owner to remove his schlong, he refuses, citing its artistic value. Invariably, the cops cannot think of a city ordinance or state law this dick violates, so they leave.

3) Like the sheriff chasing Burt Reynolds in "Smokey and the Bandit," the cops refuse to let a little legality get in the way of cleaning up Florida's increasingly conservative culture. They return later in the evening, with the party in full swing and see, through the glass doors, a nude man suspended from the ceiling in a harness. A sergeant tries to charge through the front door without a permit, the owner tries to block his way, gets tackled by other cops, and is instantly arrested.

4) The cops raid and shut down the party, telling everyone there was a liquor violation and asking to see IDs.

5) Meanwhile, the nude man who is deaf and possibly mentally retarded, does not understand what is going on. He is immediately arrested the "model," as the man called himself, for violating the city rule barring genitals from being in the same room with booze. While being cuffed, the nude man began to cry. "He'll be okay. Misdemeanor charge," an officer told one of the man's friends.

6) The police search turned up the following:

The walls of the gallery were covered in erotic images. One painting depicted Superman in underwear with an erect penis.
Attached to a bathroom door of cloth were signs reading: "Human petting zoo," "Tipping allowed & encouraged," and "Dare to explore." Police said they found a man in his underwear inside the bathroom but nothing illegal.

7) The cop who conducted the raid was interviewed afterwards and asked how he figured out in advance that the gallery was serving alcohol before he kicked the door in to get at the naked man. (In other words, what's your probable cause, since the fact that there was a naked man isn't enough?) His answer:

Collins said the police began an investigation Friday night after hearing that the gallery was displaying genitals while serving alcohol. He would not specify how they knew, saying he wouldn't reveal an investigative tactic.
But because the business has a liquor license, police have a right of entry and don't need probable cause to go inside, Collins said. [Then why didn't you say that first? Hmm... - Ed.]

8) Meanwhile, outside the front door, owner Bill Schramm was being taken into custody, saying:

"Oh, my God," said... Schramm, his glasses falling off in the scuffle. "This is the city's response to a penis. That's fabulous."

Florida: fabulous indeed. Read more, via the St. Petersburg Times.

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Artist's Penis Commits World's Largest Indecent Exposure

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 14:30:00 GMT

Unfortunately for lovers of the penis, the actual artifact is not the largest penis ever publicly exposed: it's the size of the penis once it becomes the subject of Jaime del Val's Madrid artwork...

Your old-fashioned flasher usually hides away in shady parks wearing a dirty old raincoat but a Spanish 'artist' has no such shame - he projects his penis on buildings.

Jaime del Val wanders the streets of Madrid naked but for camera equipment attached to his genitals.

He shows off his penis because he says it's a "means of power".
He has staged his "performance" in front of Almudena Cathedral and at the Royal Palace in Madrid.

Here's a website with some of Jamie de Val's work, none of it nude, from what we could see. Meanwhile, as David Niven might say, "Isn't it fascinating to think, that probably the only laugh that man will ever get in his life, is by stripping off and showing his shortcomings!"

Heads up! Money shot approaching...

Via Metro. If anyone has a picture of the artwork in action, we'd love to add it to this post. For now, these pics will do...

Magazine Fights Censorship With Nude Six-Year-Old Cover Girl

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 13:01:00 GMT

An Art Monthly Australia cover that starred a nude six-year-old girl, an attempt to protest child pornography laws that some consider "artist censorship," has been deemed criminal and sent to the Australian Classification board... of censors.

Art Monthly Australia published the photo in response to government raids and the seizures of the photographs of artist Bill Henson, who frequently presents "tasteful" nudes of underage children. The magazine, which receives $50,000 in taxpayer funds every year, is now facing possible collapse after the typical righteous political outcry.

[The issue] also includes several provocative photos of children posing naked in adult jewellery as well as naked teenage girls.

Opposition Leader Barry O'Farrell labelled the publication a "provocative publicity stunt" and called for a review of Arts Council's funding for the magazine.

In the editorial, Maurice O'Riordan said he chose the 2003 picture of the young girl in the "hope of restoring some dignity to the debate" and to "validate nudity and childhood as subjects for art".

The image, taken by Melbourne-based Polixeni Papapetrou, is believed to be her own daughter. [Daily Telegraph]

While we hope that Australians will see right through this political posturing at the expense of creative freedom, we know better than to expect intelligent reactions to any publication that dares to defy community standards.

For more, check out the original story at The Daily Telegraph.

Scanner Nicole Interviews Artist and Real Doll Owner Amber Hawk Swanson

Nicole Pasulka — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 14:33:00 GMT

Photo: To Have, Cake Cut, 2007

Fresh out of grad school, Artist Amber Hawk Swanson was looking for love and a new project--so she had a RealDoll made to look just like her. The result—Amber Doll—would become her collaborator and companion. Since then, Amber Hawk Swanson and Amber Doll have traveled the country documenting public response to their complex and controversial relationship. AHS emailed with Scanner’s Nicole Pasulka about her show at Locust Gallery through June 28, why she was after a sex-doll double in the first place and the surprising, sometimes violent, reactions people have to her work.

Nicole: You commissioned a look-alike RealDoll who is now featured in your photography and video work. What made you want a doll?

Amber Hawk Swanson: After completing a project that involved imaging myself in a sexual way and afterward receiving responses that involved stories of sexual assault, I began reading about sexual assault and the compulsion to reenact trauma. I kept reading the words victim and victimizer and they seemed to exist on two ends of a spectrum that described violence. I found myself more interested in the way those two words potentially overlap. On a conceptual level I was interested in merging them, and as a performer I wanted to embody them simultaneously.

At the same time, I was lonely and found myself longing for companionship. I happened to read a Salon.com article "Just like a woman" by Meghan Laslocky on the subject of RealDoll owners and something clicked. I started "lurking" on Doll Forum, a meeting place site that I linked to from the article, and felt a real affinity to the community of primarily men who own or desire RealDolls. From there I contacted Abyss Corporation, the company that produces RealDolls and began inquiring about a custom order. After a few weeks of negotiating the process, I made arrangements to fly to Los Angeles on my 26th birthday (so Amber Doll and I could share birthdays) to get digitally scanned. From the scan, a Styrofoam printout was produced and the first mold was made. After a few months of waiting for Amber Doll to arrive, I flew to San Marcos, California, where Abyss Corporation is located, to shoot a four-day "Making-of Amber Doll" documentary.

NP: Are you and Amber Doll collaborators?

AHS: At one time I thought of my work with Amber Doll as a collaboration, because I was wrapped up, in a heartfelt way, with the lived performance of experiencing her as a romantic partner and as one of the subjects in my/our work. I was also, at one time, thinking of her as an extension of self and as a negotiation of self. Lately, I've been thinking about Amber Doll as my sexually available silicone replica, which is how she ultimately appears in my work. I take her to ritualized spaces such as wedding receptions, tailgating parties, sorority houses, and theme parks and observe, without intervening, the way that she interrupts the social codes of the space. I still seem to embody victim and victimizer simultaneously in that I abandon Amber Doll to what often ends up as aggressive groups of people "exploring" her. I've been interested in the way Amber Doll is also interpreted as a proxy for me, in seemingly safe or jovial settings like the football tailgating party that I usually describe as having the potential to "take a turn."

NP: Is your relationship still personal and professional?

AHS: While waiting for her arrival, I certainly imagined what Amber Doll and I might do for each other emotionally. After we were finally united, I spent time trying to understand the major impact she'd had on my life. Now, however, while there may be leftover feelings and expectations over our potential personal relationship, we've landed in a space that's much more professional. Just as soon as I profess our professional and not personal relationship, however, I'm sure I'll start missing her (she's currently still in Miami for an exhibition) but I can safely say that for the past six months of production work for To Have, To Hold, and To Violate: Amber and Doll we've been strictly business. We've traveled together, posed together, and met an amazing number of people interested in touching one or both of us, but all for the artwork.

NP: What kind of response have you gotten to your current solo show at Locust Projects in Miami?

AHS: For the show, Amber Doll is participating what I'm calling a "funerary installation," where she is laid out in a casket, surrounded by fresh flowers. A surveillance camera that corresponds to a live feed of viewers' actions with the doll records her casket, along with the area surrounding it. The viewers interacting with Amber Doll are separated from the viewers watching them on the surveillance monitor by a freestanding wall, so after people finish exploring her in the funerary installation, they walk around the wall to discover the monitor and a crowd of onlookers.

NP: How did people react to being so close to Amber Doll in a funeral and gallery space?

AHS: I witnessed perhaps the most aggressive response to Amber Doll's presence at the opening reception for the exhibition while joining the crowd of people watching the live feed monitor. A man wound up and forcefully punched Amber Doll in the face, which ultimately tore her silicone from mouth to jaw. The mediated experience of watching her get punched on the surveillance monitor somehow made it all the more surprising—despite having watched countless other aggressive acts towards Amber Doll throughout the past year and a half.

Today in Porn Art: Rock Formation Artist Weirdo

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 19:30:00 GMT

And now... Earth Porn??

Heather Firth is an artist, or so she claims. She takes pictures of strange ecological/sexual formations for her website "Earth Erotic." Wait till you see some of these hilariously awful artifacts, in full...

Is that a butthole, a rock, or the end of an uncooked pork sausage link? (By the way, this photo? $800. $8-0-0. Yep.)

We're waiting for someone to send us the road sign that directed Firth to "The World's Hardest Penis" in Sedona, AZ. Seriously, how the hell does she find this weird shit? (And, more importantly, how the hell does she get away with selling these for $200 for an 8-by-ten?)

For more Firth/filth; links via AwfulLinkOfTheDay.