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Aging Gracefully Like Sophia Loren

Colleen Kane — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 20:14:00 GMT

A certain stunning Hollywood beauty in her 30s is currently vowing to age gracefully without the aid of cosmetic surgery...you know, like Sophia Loren?

There's one potential problem with her plan...

Some people on the interweb are speculating that Sophia Loren has had cosmetic surgery.

At any rate, the actress who is not afraid to age naturally is Penelope Cruz, who says,"Age holds absolutely no fear for me. There is so much enjoyment ahead.
"Sophia is 74 and amazing - every time I talk to her, she’s full of wonderful stories about old actors."

But even Penny C is has body issues.

"I know myself a little bit more (as I grow older)… but I wish I was less insecure. I’ve always had my insecurities and most of them have not gone away. I guess we’re all vulnerable."

You see, girls? If even Angelina Jolie and Penelope Cruz aren't satisifed with their looks, it's hopeless. We're doomed.

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Jennifer Aniston Can't Win

Colleen Kane — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 17:45:00 GMT

I've never been a huge Jennifer Aniston fan; she does not typically have roles in movies I want to see.

But that aside, Leave Jennifer Alone already.

The blogs make her out to be a pathetic lunatic. Let's review some of her crimes, as seen on the Internet:

* She talks about Brad Pitt, a man she was married to for years, when she is asked about Brad Pitt.

* She wants to have children.

* She does not have any children yet.

* She dates John Mayer.

* She is maybe broken up with John Mayer.

* The woman now with Jennifer's ex-husband, hottest man alive Brad Pitt, is Angelina Jolie, is the hottest woman alive.

* Her ex-husband has a million kids while she has none.

* John Mayer says stupid shit while trying to be funny.

* By the way, she wants kids and has no kids

* Also, she is not married.

* She's not getting any younger, and has no kids.

* Don't you feel sorry for her? She used to be married to Brad Pitt, but now Angelina Jolie has him. Also, they have a million kids and she has none.

These are her crimes as tried and convicted on the snark sites. Just look at today's post on What Would Tyler Durden Do? Jennifer is asked about technology and dating, and she brings up that she still has some old answering machine messages from her first boyfriend and even her ex husband, prompting the opening sentence, "Jenifer Aniston is a lunatic." Sound the crazy alarm! Call the men in the white coats! Jennifer Aniston saved mementos from her past!

Sheesh.

Jennifer Aniston Does GQ...Naked

More Pictures Released from Jennifer Aniston's Naked 'GQ' Spread

While You Were Sleeping: Leftover Edition

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 18:14:00 GMT

More like: While You Were Eating...

Britney Spears' diet consists mainly of "Taco Bell and turkey jerky washed down with Red Bull." Now that's a Thanksgiving dinner we can get behind!

The 2009 Pretty in Mink calendar features supposed conservatives pretending to be glamorous.

Since InTouch is a waste of hopefully recyclable paper, we can't be sure if this Angelina Jolie news is true...

According to InTouch, Saint Angie told everyone the news when a waiter tried to pour her ass a booze drink at a restaurant in London. Brad Pitt gave Angie Jo the side-eye because he wasn't ready to go public with the news [that she's pregnant again.]

Enjoy the above photo of Tina Fey now... because this pic of her may traumatize you for life.

Karl Rove... closet Obama fan? By the way, the transition team has received almost 300,000 resumes so far.

And your comic relief: New Jersey police responded to an alarm at a bank after hours and, seeing what appeared to be a person inside, they evacuated nearby apartments, surrounded the bank, and began making requests through a megaphone. Later on, they realized the person was actually a cardboard cutout.

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E! Names Another Obscure Woman as the Hottest in the World

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 15:35:00 GMT

And, what the hell, you won't have heard of their #2 choice either...

Lingerie model Karolina Kurkova has been voted the world's sexiest woman by E! entertainment television, beating sultry actresses Angelina Jolie and Scarlett Johansson for the honor.
Czech Kurkova, ranked by Forbes magazine as one of the world's highest paid models, was dubbed by E! as "she of the mysterious belly button" due to media speculation about what appears to be an unusually smooth navel.

Of course, if you're a devoted reader of Scanner, you may have actually heard of this woman before. Remember this, from back in June?

Does this woman look "fat" to you? Well, according to one Brazillian newspaper, the #6 highest-paid supermodel in the world isn't ready for the runway, and other outrageous statements for which "WTF?" seems too polite a reply.
According to several sources, none of which named the "local paper" in Brazil that made the alleged comments about Karolina Kurkova during Sao Paolo Fashion Week, the Victoria's Secret hottie, who made $5 million last year, was derided for having
back fat, love handles, and cellulite.

Sympathy vote? Or just a random asshole who thought he'd get himself some free publicity from attacking the (future) hottest woman in the world? Either way, we don't care.

The #2? Leo DiCaprio's old flame Bar Rafaeli:

Super-Thin Supermodel Attacked For Being "Fat?"

Yes, We'd Like A Lifetime Supply of Pronto Condoms, Please

64-Year-Old Woman's Nude Picture Sells For 10,000 Euros

Top 10 Bond Girls Of All-Time

Hot or Not? Cindy Crawford at 42

Top 5 Celebrities Who May Or May Not Be Attractive: Part One

Top 5 Lesbian Sex Scenes

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 21:05:00 GMT

You get a bonus 6th video this week, thanks to our being unable to decide between the two best scenes in a certain David Lynch movie...

5. Gia. Angelina Jolie rocketed to (semi-)stardom following her Golden Globe win for this hugely successful TV movie. There are many, many sex scenes in this film (could that be the reason it wasn't released theatrically?)-- we picked this one at random, but they're all worth checking out in their own ways.

4. Wild Things. This is more like an entry for "Top 5 Orgy Sex Scenes" or something, but there is some nice girl-on-girl, even if Matt Dillon does get in the way.

3. Better Than Chocolate. We almost included the jailbait-y Thirteen in this list, but nah. This is softcore porn for lesbians, sort of the cinematic L Word. We think that'll give you some idea of what's to come in this 4-minute clip, with the sexy stuff starting about a minute in...

2 (tie). Mulholland Drive. Still arguably the best movie so far this century, this scary-as-fuck freakshow grips you from the first frame to the widely-discussed last. Part of the reason is unquestionably these two sex scenes, one of which is our second favorite of all time. (We think you can guess which.)

1. Bound. Yeah, yeah. You saw this pick coming as soon as you saw the word "Lesbian" in our headline. Good for you. Now, settle down... we're trying to enjoy this...

Gina Gershon & Jennifer Tilly Lesbian Scene - Click here for more amazing videos

Runners Up: High Art, Thirteen, Monster, Showgirls and the Hunger (which we covered in our Top 5 Sex Scenes From the 1980s list), plus whatever you nominate in the comments section. Hell, we will probably end up doing a Part Two somewhere down the road...

Related:

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Some of the Hottest Women in the Country All Got Naked Together

Olga Kurylenko: "My Treasure Trove of Topless Photos Don't Count As Porn"

Top 5 Sex Scenes From Comedies

Lizzy Caplan, Not To Be Outdone By Anna Paquin, Takes It Off For True Blood

Kate Winslet Takes it Off for Vanity Fair

Emily Farris — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 16:33:00 GMT

We're still traveling but we can't wait to get home to our copy of "Vanity Fair." The lovely Kate Winslet is the cover subject, and though we think she's looking a little too thin for Kate Winslet (airbrushing?), she looks amazing. But, of course, Kate always looks beautiful—even if she's just out and about in a t-shirt and jeans. But, yeah, the naked pin-up look is good for her, too.

However, does anyone else think she looks a more like Angelina Jolie than Catherine Deneuve in the cover shot?

Related:

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[Vanity Fair via Faded Youth]

Do You Care if It's Really Angelina Jolie Breastfeeding in This Picture?

Nicole Pasulka — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 19:42:00 GMT

If we're interested in the myth of celebrity rather than the reality, do these breastfeeding Jolie pics actually need to be of Angelina?

At her TED talk below, artist Alison Jackson says, basically, "No."

It's all about the myth around the celebrity, not, as TMZ would have it, the actual celebrity.

Angelina Jolie's Breastfeeding Cover

[via YesButNoButYes]

While You Were Sleeping: Drunk Pregnant Ladies

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 13:50:00 GMT

Jeff Mangum, who wrote and performed the biggest cult indie album of all time, In The Aeroplane Over the Sea, returned to the stage but did not work up the nerve to do any of his own songs.

A raid in Tennessee netted 19 female prostitutes and two transvestites.

You heard what happened on South Park last week, right? Yeah, but did you hear about the show's ratings?

South Park beat George Lucas at his own pervy game Wednesday with its already-infamous "Indy rape" episode — the show's highest-rated fall premiere in nine years. Paradoxically, this must mean Indiana Jones 5 will be green-lit within the hour... [Defamer]

Not a fan of giraffes? You will be after this super cute photo spread?

Good news, everyone: Scotland has given you the okay to have a drink while pregnant.

Matthew Shepherd was murdered ten years ago Sunday.

John McCain, who vowed to "whip [Obama's] ass" at the third and final debate this Wednesday, has confirmed he will appear on David Letterman's show the following evening. Meanwhile, Sarah Palin's appearance on SNL is no longer a "done deal."

The national debt is freaking some people out. Especially when they see it (literally) growing before their eyes.

And the favorite face of tabloid readers is no longer Jennifer Aniston... it's Brad Pitt's former "other woman," seen above...

Ironically, Brad Pitt's former wife Jennifer Aniston, who topped the list in 2007, came in second. Jolie won in all Forbes categories - for sales, likability and most covers. [Starpulse]

Video of the Day: Dana Carvey Returns To TV

While You Were Sleeping: Angelina Jolie's Breastfeeding Cover

Top 5 Sex Scenes From Bad Movies

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 20:04:00 GMT

If we've learned anything from Hollywood, it's that 30 seconds of sex is enough for people to endure two hours of terrible moviemaking. (Then again, as in the case of The Girl Next Door, if you promise an "unrated" sex movie and deliver no nudity, barely any sex, and two hours of complete crap? You will pay.)

Here are five of our favorites we haven't been able to forget... all from movies we wish we could...

5. Basic Instinct 2. This sex scene is not even in the Top 200 of Good Sex Scenes From Bad Movies, mainly because it's not a good sex scene. It looks like the film was sped up to make it look rougher, faster, and hotter. It only serves to make it look even more idiotic. We're including it here for comic relief. (The clip we're referring to starts at about 1:20.)

4. Friday the 13th. The original put all my friends to sleep at a late-night slumber party when we were kids-- it's that scary. Rent Black Christmas (the original) or even Halloween (also the original) and you'll do much better. But we like this nice little sex scene all the same...

[Click here to watch this scene-- video on autoplay]

3. Reindeer Games. Even Charlize Theron admits this movie sucks. But who doesn't want to see her naked?

2. The Doors. No matter what you think of Oliver Stone and Jim Morrison, you have to admit combining the two should be brilliant... or, at least, the right pairing for a movie. Too bad Stone focused on nothing but the debauchery and made a pointless movie that offered nothing new or interesting about the late singer. That doesn't mean we don't love this ridiculous and ultimately sexy sex scene:

[Click here to watch this scene-- video on autoplay]

1. Original Sin. If not for this "action" sequence, no one would remember Angelina Jolie and Antonio Banderas' theatrical turd. This is the longest scene on this list and the one most likely to have ended up on Skinemax if not for the presence of A-list stars... it's more than 2 minutes long, complete with an obnoxious orchestral score, and is about as soft-core as it gets. Enjoy.

Related:

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While You Were Sleeping: Mike Myers Is An Inglorious Bastard

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 13:08:00 GMT

Is there any reason to shoot yourself in the arm? For one man, not getting laid is reason enough.

If you happen to spot a tour bus belonging to The Kills, please contact the Feds.

And the verdict on the Apple iTunes store's fate...

Bowing to mounting pressure from the multimedia giant, the Washington, D.C.-based Copyright Royalty Board declined a request from the aforementioned NMPA to increase song royalties from 9 cents to 15 cents on songs purchased through iTunes and other digital retailers, according to CNN.com.
The decision was the board's first on digital downloads and will set royalty rates for the next five years.

A spokesperson for Apple had hinted that the company thought the six-cent hike would mean the store would operate at a loss and that Apple would close it down if that occurred. How much of this was talk, we'll never know...

Apparently, CHANGE stands for Come Help A Nigga Get Elected... according to one racist assmunch of a teacher in Florida. (His words, not ours.)

Drunk driving isn't funny. Except when it's a local newscaster intentionally playing Demolition Derby with parked Acura sedans and refusing a police order to get out of the car with your open bottle of vodka.

In related WTF news, a woman was kicked out of a Mothers Against Drunk Driving booth... because the injuries she received thanks to a drunk driver were too disturbing.

Looks like Mike Myers and Brad Pitt are the stars of Quentin Tarantino's Inglorious Bastards. This'll either be genius or terrible, as there's no way it can be in between.

Speaking of Brad Pitt, his wife Angelina Jolie appeared in public for the first time since giving birth to the celebrity baby seen above. Apparently, she's suffering from post-partum depression, but was "all smiles" at a film premiere in New York last night.

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Today in WTF: Virtual Boob Groping

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Sloppy Seconds: How Did DJ A.M. and Travis Barker Survive Their Plane Crash?

Emily Farris — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 21:21:00 GMT

Chef Jamie Oliver (probably known as the Naked Chef) is expecting his third child with wife, Jools. [Us]

Following in the footsteps of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, Steven Spielberg and his wife, Kate Capshaw, have donated $100,000 to fight a California referendum seeking to ban gay marriage. [Yahoo!]

It's probably a safe bet not letting Sarah Palin anywhere near reporters while she's unscripted, right? [Radar]

We can safely say this is the worst bumper sticker we've ever seen. Even worse than the pro-George Bush stickers. Promise. And, uh, as Perez Hilton would say, don't click if you're easily offended. [Queerty]

If you had to choose between life behind bars and life with Amy Winehouse, which would you choose? Which did her hubby choose? [MollyGood]

So how is it that two celebrities survived a plane crash that four other people died in? Quick thinking, along the lines of stop, drop and roll. [People]

Sloppy Seconds: And Just What Does Woody Allen Think Is So Unfunny?

Emily Farris — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 21:33:00 GMT

Is there even more "Sex and the City" in our future? [Us]

If you're just dying to hear Britney Spears' new single "Womanizer," here: [Radar]

Thank the God in heaven (who we don't really believe in): Elisabeth Hasselbeck is leaving The View (that we don't really watch) for Fox News (which we absolutely don't watch). [PopCrunch]

Is there trouble in Olsen Twin paradise? But not double trouble (har, har). [MollyGood]

Cynthia Nixon is very pleased with Brad Pitt these days. [People]

"It would be a disgrace and a humiliation if Barack Obama does not win," according to Woody Allen. [Yahoo!]

[Image]

Sloppy Seconds: Why is This Girl So Happy?

Emily Farris — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 21:04:00 GMT

Just in case you were wondering, R. Kelly is not interested in "anyone illegal." [Yahoo!]

And Brad and Angelina have not split up. [Us]

Sarah Palin has canceled her two-day tour of California. Apparently it's a "scheduling issue." [SFGate]

After humping a monitor, Madonna fell over during a live performance. At least we think it's Madonna. [dListed]

Please, please tell us how we can get into the country musicians' retirement community. We do play in a country band. Does that count as being part of "the industry?" [People]

Okay, the girl pictured above isn't smiling. But we imagine it's the best she can muster. Anyway, she's smiling inside because goth will never die! [NYT]

While You Were Sleeping: The Playboy Selection Process

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 13:07:00 GMT

When in Atlantic City, it's probably best not to approach total strangers about marijuana purchases:

Police said the drug deal went sour when the man took them to a desolate road in Egg Harbor Township near the Atlantic City International Airport, pulled and gun and forced them to strip before dumping their purses and robbing them.

Every time Obama speaks, an angel... has an orgasm?

How does Hugh Hefner choose his Playboy bunnies?

“We don’t go for glamour — what we are looking for is a very natural girl-next-door look,” he told Pop Tarts. “I think that’s what set things at the very beginning — what set the Playmate centerfolds apart.”
“Scarlett Johansson and Angelina Jolie,” he said [are the hottest women in the world.]

Damien Hirst sold a painting of a pickled shark for almost ten million pounds. We're not sure what a pickled shark is, but it sounds mighty tasty!

Comedian Al Franken is tied with incumbent Senator Norm Coleman in Minnesota's hottest (not in the "sexy") race.

Speaking of SNL, Amy Poehler is not returning to the show after her planned maternity leave.

And what do we think of Katherine McPhee's outfit? Hot or... dreadful?

Photo via Egotastic.

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Colin Farrell Plays Fairy Godmother to Homeless Canadian

Nicole Pasulka — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 16:50:00 GMT

Remember a year ago when Colin Farrell, in Toronto for the Toronto International Film Festival, gave a homeless man $3,000 and implored him to get sober and get his life together? Yeah, neither did we.

But some Canadians haven't forgotten. They've actually gone as far as to track down the man Farrell gifted last year. So how's he doing?

According to this article, pretty damn well. The guy, named Stress, "was hopeless and ready to give up" when Farrell found him in a doorway and "gave him cash for lodgings, plus a shopping spree of three grand." Today, "Stress is clean and sober, has a comfy bachelor pad, goes to church and the Y and darts around town on a mountain bike."

Hot Damn! Who knew all that Hollywood money could actually help somebody. Call Angelina Jolie and let her know.

"Paris Hilton's Vagina Bites Penguin" And Other Classic Celebrity Spam Headlines

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 16:17:00 GMT

Mainly because it's Friday and we're burnt out from a romantic concert by Dean & Britta last night, we found this Top 10 List of Celebrity Spam bizarrely hilarious...

10) Britney Spears Admits “My Vagina Made Me Shave My Head Bald”
9) Angelina Jolie’s Lips Explode
8) Sarah Jessica Parker Arrested For Gross Negligee
7) Britney Spears Shoots Down American Spy Satellite With Her Vagina
6) Angelina Jolie Set To Destroy Own Vagina
5) Britney Spears: “Yes, I tried to suck the shine off a bumper”
4) BREAKING NEWS: Mike Tyson To Fight Michael Jackson (oh, please, let this be true!)
3) LiLo heartbroken as Diana’s Butler beds Winehouse
2) Paris Hilton Becomes Nun
1) Aliens Deny Impregnating Paris Hilton

Also: Paris Hilton's Vagina Bites Penguin, Britney Spears Is Actually A Piece Of Broccoli, Britney Spears Applies For Barack Obama Masseuse Job, Britney Spears Recording New Album - Forgotten How To Sing (unfortunately, this one's probably not true), Paris Hilton Dogs Paris Hilton With Lawsuit, Britney Spears Not Bipolar - New World Order Conspiracy Afoot, Paris Hilton denies screwing Ron Paul, Paris Hilton: "I'm Still A Summer Virgin," and Aliens Kidnapped By Michael Jackson. (We're taking it they meant "Alien Babies...")

A couple of these were not celebrity-related, but too good to pass up. MSNBC: Couple Plans Breakup In 2009 and BREAKING NEWS: "I Ate All The Pies," Man Confesses.

Several of these are taken from this post.

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Top 10 Spam Euphemisms For Your Small Willy

Security Breach Means More Spam For Porn Customers

I Made It Into Spam; Now I Can Die A Happy Man

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We Leaned Over A Fence In France To Snap These Photos Of... People Magazine's Photos Of The Jolie-Pitt Twins

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 15:41:00 GMT

But it was worth it.

More sap hits the newsstands today, but for now, here's a nauseating/swoon-inducing taste:

"It is chaos, but we are managing it and having a wonderful time," Jolie tells PEOPLE of daily life at the Château Miraval in Provence, France, where the couple's four older children – Maddox, 6, Pax, 4, Zahara, 3, and Shiloh, 2 – have been enjoying a summer of outdoor play (hide-and-seek is a favorite) on the château's sprawling grounds.

Adds Pitt: "[It's] still a cuckoo's nest."

Fortunately, they already have some household helpers. "[Shiloh] and Z pick out [the twins'] clothes and help change and hold them," says Jolie. "It's sweet – they are little mommies."

Related:

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Call Waiting With Bobby Tisdale: Angelina Jolie and Her Womb

Sloppy Seconds: The Million-Dollar Strip Club Buy

Vanity Fair's Best Dressed List: Perfect or Pathetic?

Sloppy Seconds: The Million-Dollar Strip Club Buy

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 20:54:00 GMT

Do you want your kids playing with Pregnant Paper Dolls? We guess so long as it's not Jamie Lynn Pregnant Paper Dolls...

Lies and attacks usually help: McCain now trails Obama by a mere three points nationally.

We'd say the woman who witnessed all of the following might actually win a case against her lawyer boss...

Paralegal Angela Robinson is suing renowned ambulance-chaser Richard Laminack for encouraging her to perform sexual acts on a witness, demanding sexual favors from employees, and trying to defraud Fen-Phen plaintiffs. [Business Sheet]

Instead of tying up the courts and expecting to buy an island with her settlement, Ms. Robinson is suing for a mere $55,000... mainly for wrongful termination.

Maybe they could've just waited for it to go out of business or be sold, since if the town gets a huge ovation for destroying it, no one must show up there after meetings, right?

Verne Troyer says his ex tossed him.

Brad and Angelina signed a multimillion dollar deal for their baby snaps.

Can you guess why a naked man may have been climbing down a chimney?

And finally, the town of Livonia, Georgia has bought the Cafe Risque strip club for a whopping one million dollars. However, they neglected something in the process...

The town of Lavonia could have used nearly $1 million to pay off the bond fund for a water treatment plant upgrade. Instead, officials bought Cafe Risque, which they have long tried to shut down.
Lavonia's mayor got a standing ovation when he announced the deal at a meeting earlier this week. Crews took down the signs advertising it and burned them in a large bonfire at the strip club site, near a major highway.

Americans: clean and safe drinking water is unimportant, but my Lord, anyone who trades it in for God-given bodies is to be praised to the heavens.

Florida businessman Jerry Sullivan opened Cafe Risque in 2001. The city went to court several times to close it, but Sullivan's lawyers argued successfully that nude dancing was a constitutionally protected form of expression.
Lavonia has since passed an ordinance outlawing adult entertainment businesses.

Via KIRO-TV.

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Sloppy Seconds: What's Wrong With This Picture Of Brad Pitt?

Swingers Vs. Nudists In Florida (Of Course)

Male Mormon Missionaries Go Topless For The Hell Of It

CBS News Correspondent Embroiled In Career-Defining Sex Scandal

Catch a Glimpse of Mini Me's Mini Me in His Sex Tape

Iowa Strip Club Features 17-Year-Old Dancer, Claims Artistic License

"This Is The City's Response To A Penis" One of Many Classic Moments From Nude Gallery Raid

Vanity Fair's Best Dressed List: Perfect or Pathetic?

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 13:28:00 GMT

The 2008 Vanity Fair International Best-Dressed list includes Ivanka Trump, Michelle Obama, and 8 other classy ladies, plus ten gentlemen, fashion professionals, couples, and more...

Are they missing anyone? Should Ivanka been vetoed for her mere affiliation with the Donald? And just who in blazes is Count Manfredi Della Gherardesca? He sounds like Don Novello's replacement character for Father Guido Sarducci, and no, that wasn't mean to be derogatory. Fill us in, after the jump:

Women

Charlotte Gainsbourg
Princess Alexandra of Greece
Marjorie Gubelmann
Princess Mafalda of Hesse
Fran Lebowitz
Michelle Obama
Bee Shaffer
Tilda Swinton
Ivanka Trump
Renée Zellweger

Men

Tiki Barber
Jonathan Becker
Count Manfredi Della Gherardesca
Lapo Elkann
Richard E. Grant
Lenny Kravitz
Luis and Rafael Medina
Hidetoshi Nakata
Nicolas Sarkozy
Gay Talese

Couples

David and Victoria Beckham
The Earl and Countess of Cawdor
Damon Dash and Rachel Roy
Frédéric Fekkai and Shirin von Wulffen
Mitch Glazer and Kelly Lynch
Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore
David Lauren and Lauren Bush
Viscount and Viscountess Linley
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie
Ruben and Isabel Toledo

Fashion Professionals

Amy Astley
Tory Burch
Jefferson Hack
Liya Kebede
Alexandra Kotur
Margherita Missoni
Stefano Pilati
Michael Roberts
Katherine Ross
Hedi Slimane

Fashion Originals

Peter Beard
Carlyne Cerf de Dudzeele
Lisa Eisner

Hall of Fame

Alba Clemente
George Clooney
Marina Rust Connor
Anderson Cooper
Sofia Coppola
Jemima Khan
Anna Piaggi

Via Vanity Fair.

Related:

What Do We Think About Vanity Fair's Fake Celebrities?

Sloppy Seconds: What's Wrong With This Picture Of Brad Pitt?

Shocker: Bill Clinton Has Extramarital Affairs

Devil Wears Prada, But His Minions Wear Comme des Garcons!

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George Clooney's Ex Posing Nude For Playboy?

Sloppy Seconds: Brad and Angelina and the French Brawl

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 21:41:00 GMT

Why is today the day that everyone is quitting on the B-list celebs? First, Kathy Griffin's assistant bailed on her, say she couldn't take it anymore. Now, Heather Mills' short-term and severely-suffering publicist has resigned after Mills called her "stupid."

Um, rejoice? Sean Combs is not getting married after all.

Nobody cares about the X-Files sequel?

Somebody named Daniel tried to sell two tickets to the Oscars on Craigslist, but Craig ratted him out. Craig... Daniel... Craig... Daniel... we wonder who the guilty party is?

A couple of "photographers" i.e. Peeping Toms with cameras and no sense of shame or privacy laws were beaten up by Brad and Angelina's bodyguards after being caught in full camouflage on the couple's French estate.

Robert Rodriguez and Rose McGowan are still together-- in fact, they may be bringing Red Sonja to movie theaters soon...

And best not to ask if a passenger in another car has any Grey Poupon: that person may be armed.

Historic Non-Event: Angelina Jolie Gives Birth To Twin Humanoids

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 15:42:00 GMT

More important than "who's the father," the question of the day is actually "did they continue the long-standing tradition of celebrities giving their kids unusual, even bizarre names?" The answer is a vigorously-nodded "yes."

First InTouch reported Saturday afternoon that sources at La Fondation Lenval Hospital in Nice, France, said Jolie had given birth to twin girls. They said Angie delivered by cesarean on Saturday at 6 p.m. and had two girls, one born at 6:45, the other at 7.

But -- and it was a pretty big but -- Extra reported that the twins had not been born. They quoted hospital spokeswoman Nadine Bauer as saying that the InTouch report was "false information."

The spokeswoman insisted that journalists would not be notified "within minutes after the birth" and that the only way they would be told was by a press release posted on the hospital website.

Then Us Weekly said that French newspaper Nice-Matin had reported that Jolie had delivered a boy... and a girl.... They said Jolie gave birth shortly before 8 p.m. via cesarean section.

We really didn't need to know all that, but wouldn't it have been great if Brad and Angelina (we refuse to combine their first names-- fuck the New York Post culture) kept this back and forth going for weeks until people stopped caring or even believing the couple had any kids at all.

Now, here's the fun part: Can you guess which combination makes up the actual names of their twins?

a) Raven Bertrand and Haven James

b) Nadine Reade and Nathaniel Maximus

c) Lara Sage and Homer James Pitt

d) Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline

The answer is...

Jolie... delivered a boy named Knox Leon and a girl named Vivienne Marcheline... each twin weigh[ing] about 5 pounds.

Via the LA Times.

Sloppy Seconds: Who Is Brit Dating Now?

Emily Farris — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 21:23:00 GMT

Now, this is just starting to get a little sad. Is there anyone from the original cast of Beverly Hills 90210 who's not returning? [Us]

Hey remember when Tatum O'Neal was caught trying to buy drugs and then claimed she was doing research for a part? She has pleaded guilty in court. Way to step up, Tates. [Yahoo!]

Women like porn, too. But, yeah, it's complicated. [Jezebel]

Happy Birthday, Lindsay Lohan. Sorry your dad is being such a dick. [Jossip]

Angelina Jolie is still pregnant with those twins. [FameCrawler]

It looks like Britney Spears is back together with her paparazzi boyfriend, Adnan Ghalib. Yeah, that's exactly what she needs right now. [MollyGood]

Related:

Lindsay Lohan: Lies My Father Told Me

Sloppy Seconds: Is Brenda Back on 90210, Too?

Why Don't Famous People Just Have Their Drugs Delivered?

Adnan Tries Unsucessfully to Visit Brit in the Looney Bin

Adnan Ghalib's Two Million Dollar Deal to Screw Britney?

Sloppy Seconds: Those Boys From 'Gossip Girl,' Are They or Aren't They?

Emily Farris — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 21:51:00 GMT

Why in the wide world of silver bikinis would MTV consider giving Britney Spears a second chance at performing during the VMAs? Well, we're still talking about it, aren't we? [Yahoo!]

Oh dear God no! Is there another lil' Lohan out there? [AP]

Anyone hoping to catch a Jennifer Aniston vs. Angelina Jolie cat fight at the box office will be sorely disappointed. While both stars had movies set to come out October 24, but Aniston's He's Just Not That Into You has been pushed back to February to coincide with Valentine's Day. [Us]

Uh, oh. Rumors are flying that Madonna has been sneaking around with a divorce lawyer. [People]

Miley Cyrus talked to Billboard Magazine about her now infamous Vanity Fair photo shoot. "I was embarrassed, but also it's like, every career thing that I do can't be perfect, and sometimes my decisions are wrong. I think that just makes me even more relatable. I don't think people will look at me any differently because they're like, 'You know what, I'm going to do stupid stuff too, and I'm going to make mistakes, and that's fine.'" [Billboard]

Amy Winehouse and her trusty friend the vodka bottle made it to rehearsals for Nelson Mandela's birthday show. And that's something, right? [MTV]

"Seems like on-set sources, which the pubs tell us are reliable, have told each paper that Chace Crawford and Gossip Girl co-star and real-life roommate Ed Westwick are in a relationship and not trying to hide it, at least on set. Both NY papers tell us that Chace and Ed were recently seen kissing, open-mouthed on set (in Chace’s trailer)." Oh, we get it. Is this part of the plot? [Jossip]

Related:

Where Was Daddy When Miley Cyrus Was Taking Topless Photos for Vanity Fair?

Sloppy Seconds: Jolie And Aniston Face Off

Madonna's Sexlife Threatened By Keebler Elves

Ali Lohan and Her Little Dog, Too

Sloppy Seconds: Name That Lohan

I'm Not That Innocent: The Remix

Amy Winehouse at Grammys: Was She Sober?

Sloppy Seconds: Fake Gynecologist

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 20:48:00 GMT

Tourists in Times Square decided the winner of the Toilet Paper Wedding Dress contest. [CNN]

Amy Winehouse does not have TB, is still in the hospital, and will make a disastrous toast to "my Blake, incarcerated" while performing live next week. [MTV]

We wish we'd thought of this first: ten memorable American political sex scandals. [Digg]

Leave it to the Japanese to go where no man has gone before: alien planet conquest. [Reuters]

Wouldn't it be nice to marry Angelina Jolie in France, then jet to Italy with Edward Norton to see Radiohead? Top that weekend, yo. [Starpulse]

A millionaire, married with a pregnant wife and five children, has been busting for illegally playing doctor with some Park Avenue women. [Strollerderby]

An Ohio Indiana Jones may have to serve up to five years in prison for moving... a rock. [reddit]

Please tell us this is a fake: Ali Lohan to launch movie career with the lead role in a new production. [Starpulse]

And the founder of the Erotic Review, which ranks experiences with prostitues on a scale of 1 to 10, may be going to jail. [NYT}

Brad and Angelina: Stop the Insanity!

Emily Farris — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 20:41:00 GMT

Angelina hasn't even popped out her twins yet (children number six and seven) and already she's planning on adopting another kid?

Our not-so-slutty sister FameCrawler is reporting via OK! that Brad Pitt and Agelina Jolie are, in fact, already planning on adopting a seventh child from Ethiopia. More specifically, it would be their fourth adoption, but the seventh child in the Brangelina clan.

"Angie and Brad have wanted an African boy for the last couple of years," an insider tells OK!. "They were initially going to have that adoption follow the addition of Pax last year, but that all changed when Angie got pregnant with twins last fall...

"Angelina was pretty far along in the process of adopting a beautiful baby that captured the couple's heart when she and Brad got the surprise of their life and found out they were expecting," the insider reveals.

When does humanitarian start to become just plain crazy? We only had one sibling growing up and we spent a lot of time competing for our parents' attention.

[FameCrawler: Angelina Adopting Another Son!]

Related:

Angelina Jolie is Smoking Hot in Vanity Fair (In the Bathtub)

Angelina Jolie: Babies Make Bangin' Better

Scanner Highs And Lows: Privates And Privacy

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 21:51:00 GMT

This week, we got down with O.P.P. You remember O.P.P....

Scanner Emily is off to Vegas and will talk about all her naughty, naughy adventures uncensored.

We caught TV talking heads in mid-"O."

Angelina talked about her private sex life that's not really that private.

We told people how to find your G-spot. You're welcome.

We got nostalgic for indecent exposure.

Scanner Nicole delved deep into the sex lives of the elderly. And lived.

We showed you a baby with an extra penis. On his back.

We exposed phone sex workers for what they are. Which is... uh... phone sex workers.

We exposed uppity, meddling do-nothings who videotape lingerie shoppers.

Our guest blogger Steve rose a stink on Fark with his blasphemous assertion that Jesus-- gasp!-- had short hair.

And Scanner Brian and Scanner Emily had dueling stories about our married lives in 1939 vs. today. Thank God things have changed.

Now go out and enjoy your private life... in public, if you must. We promise not to write about it.

Sloppy Seconds: Jolie And Aniston Face Off

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 21:33:00 GMT

Perez Hilton claims to have a nonexistent sex life. Perhaps he needs to change his name to something catchier, like a symbol or The Blogger or P. Hilty. Seriously, anything's better than naming yourself after Paris Hilton.

Howard Stern and his girlfriend, possibly the least jealous woman in the world, have set a date. Amazingly, his first marriage spanned decades.

Fark reports on the recent dismissal of a bathroom stall case that should have Larry Craig shuffling for joy... the case has been partially dismissed.

A recent episode of UK's Big Brother sparked hundreds of viewer complaints. Unfortunately, none of them are because the show sucks.

Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie are "pitted" against each other for the first time when their movies premiere this October. Not to be outdone, Gwyneth Paltrow plans to make an asinine remark in an interview that day.

And why are we just finding out about the Jenna Fischer nude "Wire" cover, months after the fact? We have an e-mail tipline, people!

Angelina Jolie: Babies Make Bangin' Better

Emily Farris — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 21:55:00 GMT

Could Angelina Jolie be any more fucking perfect? When most women are pregnant, they complain of swollen ankles, painful breasts, bloating, etc. No, not Angie. For Brangelina, being pregnant with twins is apparently just making their sex life better, if you can believe it.

"It's great for the sex life," she tells Entertainment Weekly magazine. "It just makes you a lot more creative. So you have fun, and as a woman you're just so round and full."

We're round and full and we're not having sex with Brad Pitt.

Hm. And we thought we had grown out of hating women we were jealous of...

Skinny bitch...

Ugh, no. We love her.

But we hate her a little.

Is that okay?

[AP/Yahoo!: Jolie: Pregnancy is `great for the sex life']

Related:

Angelina Jolie is Smoking Hot in Vanity Fair (In the Bathtub)

Lesbians Love Angelina Jolie

Celebrity Ink: Angelina Jolie's Tattoos Look Really Great Next to Her Breasts

Sloppy Seconds: Spitzer May Have Found the Perfect "Sleazy Guy" Job

Emily Farris — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 21:41:00 GMT

We're pretty in love with this list of the 50 coolest celebrity moms, though there are a few we'd kick out of book club. [Babble]

Hannah Montana could be hazardous to your health. Especially if you're an extra chilling on a ferris wheel and parts of the set start falling from the sky. [People]

X-Files star Gillian Anderson is pregnant with an alien baby. Hey, it could happen. [Yahoo!]

The New York Times is all over the California gay marriage gold rush. [Radar]

How many times do we have to tell you that Joe Simpson is way too involved in Jessica's personal life? Ugh. [Us]

You know what sounds like our worst nightmare? Being tied down by six kids at the young age of 33. Happy birthday, Angie! [Us]

To prove just how true that is, we're going to eat these chocolate babies. [Economy Candy]

Ex-New York Governor Eliot Spitzer may have found the perfect "sleazy dude" profession: real estate. [NY Observer]

Sloppy Seconds: Only a Hairy Mole Can Save R. Kelly Now

Emily Farris — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 21:44:00 GMT

Rock pioneer Bo Diddley is dead at 79. What do you mean you "don't know Diddley?" [Us]

Actor Kelsey Grammer suffered a heart attack while paddle boating recently. But it's said to be mild and he should be out of the hospital soon. [FameCrawler]

Tom Cruise has apparently "banned" Victoria Beckham from talking to his wife, Katie Holmes, about dieting. We agree Posh is too skinny, but really? The first time a man "bans" us from doing anything, we'll probably end up in jail. [GabbyBabble]

Hey, why don't you sell some of yourself to get through the recession? We're thinking of selling our pee, but only because we're considering sobriety for the month of June — you know, just to see what it's like. [DivineCaroline]

Angelina Jolie's fake assistant told a fake story to the press about Jolie giving birth last week. Man, if we had even a fake assistant life would be so much easier. [Jossip]

So Brad Pitt is in the hotel design business now... in Dubai, apparently. [People]

Okay, we don't know if it's hairy or not, but really, only R. Kelly's mole (or the lack of it in his alleged sex tape) can save him now. [Yahoo!]

Previously: Rumor Denied: Angelina Jolie