Scanner : anal sex

Arizona University Paper Hosts Sex Advice Column, Silly Questions Ensue

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 01 May 2009 17:01:00 GMT

Northern Arizona University, in the Flagstaff area, has an award-winning newspaper called the Lumberjack, which features a sex advice column and questions from anonymous local dopes and maybe a few genuine practitioners of sex.

At the end of every semester, the Lumberjack, which can be found online as JackCentral, reproduces the leftover scraps. While they aren't as asinine as you might expect (we're pretty sure the craziest questions were left on the printing press floor), there are a few pieces of gold mixed in with questions about swimming sperm, anal sex, and circumcision...

Q: What’s the point of anal sex?

A: For some of us, the act of anal sex can seem strange or intimidating. For most homosexual male couples, this is a popular option for love-making. Some women or heterosexual men enjoy anal stimulation as well; it just depends on what feels comfortable and pleasurable. Some men enjoy anal sex for a reason most of us don’t think about in the bedroom: prostate health.

Anal intercourse stimulates this sensitive gland that lies just below the bladder and right up against the rectum. Many men enjoy stimulation of the prostate, and some even call this area the “male g-spot.” Plus, proctologists agree regular stimulation of the prostate is good for prostate health and functioning. So if not for your sexual pleasure, do it for your sexual health!

Q: Do sperm have eyes? If not, how do they know to go north for the summer?

A: We are assuming “going north” is a euphemism for traveling up the female reproductive system. To start off, sperm do not have eyes, because they are single-celled organisms. One thing that helps them in their quest for an egg is the flagellum, or that little tail that helps them swim. There are also environmental factors that point them in the right direction.

Sperm can live in the female reproductive system for a few days, but only a few hours in the vagina. The vagina is a very volatile environment for sperm because of its natural acidity. And because the sperm won’t last too long outside of the vagina either, their instinct is to swim up through the cervix into the uterus and fallopian tubes. If the woman has ovulated and an egg is present, that egg begins to emit certain chemical signals to which the sperm respond. Once they sense that chemical romance, they are further attracted up the fallopian tubes to their female counterpart.

Great answers, of course, but awesomely-named writer Nellie Placencia can clearly be seen resisting snarky remarks to questions like these, under the headline The Naked Truth: Feeling queasy? Maybe there's a baby inside you?

Hola, bonjour and hello faithful readers. You have returned once again for a great week of sexual topics, and I am here to satisfy your cravings. This week’s question comes courtesy of The Stork, who wants to remind everyone that carrots help your eyesight, and sex makes babies.

Q: How long after sex do I know if I’m pregnant? How long can you wait after intercourse to take a pregnancy test?

A: First of all, having sex with no barrier or hormonal contraception is a great way to induce a pregnancy. If you did that within the past two or three months, your chances are good. So…mazel tov!

Women can usually spot a few signs of pregnancy within the first two months of being impregnated. The most obvious sign of pregnancy is a missed period. Keeping track of when your period normally starts and ends is a good idea if you’re sexually active, especially if you have an irregular cycle. If you miss your period and suspect it’s not normal, you might be pregnant. The best way to know is to take a pregnancy test, but more about that later.

Q: How do I get birth control? Does it need to be prescribed by a doctor? When do I start using it? Are there different types?

A: In these trying economic times, we here at The Naked Truth understand the need for effective and affordable birth control. And assuming you are a girl (boys, just head down to Walgreens and buy some condoms), there are a lot of important concerns when choosing the birth control method that is right for you.

Via JackCentral.

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Bearded Man of the Week: Joe Bernardi

This Week in Gayness: Sacha Baron Cohen's Gay Sex

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 15:59:00 GMT

Is Republican hypocrite Newt Gingrich practicing "gay fascism?"

The Freedom to Marry bill, which would finally bring same-sex marriage to Vermont, was greenlit by the legislature and will likely pass. However, it faces a veto from the state's Governor.

Newsweek asks: "Is gay the new black?" We ask, "What took you so long, Newsweek?"

eHarmony "comes out of the closet" to announce their new gay matchmaking service, Compatible Partners.

Kanye West asks us to never question his manhood. No, the other manhood, silly.

An Australian Catholic priest has been banished from the church for blessing gay couples.

We mentioned in an earlier post that Bruno has received an NC-17 rating after its initial showing at the MPAA. Here's why:

Ratings officials are reportedly concerned over several sexually explicit scenes, including one where Cohen's character engages in what appears to be anal sex with another man. Confirming the rating, a spokesperson for movie studio Universal adds, "On its first submission the film did not receive an R (less restrictive rating), but it is far too early to say that there is any struggle to get there as the process is only at its inception."

As we already knew, the scientific community pretty much unanimously agrees the "ex-gay" thing is fake:

The American Medical Association stated, "Most of the emotional disturbance experienced by gay men and lesbians around their sexual identity is ... due more to a sense of alienation in an unaccepting environment. For this reason, aversion therapy ... is no longer recommended."

The American Academy of Pediatrics warned, "Therapy directed at specifically changing sexual orientation is contraindicated, since it can provoke guilt and anxiety while having little or no potential for achieving changes in orientation."

This Week in Gayness: Aubrey O'Day May Be Gay

This Week In Gayness: America vs. Fred Phelps

Moran Stirring Up Controversy By Suggesting We Need To Get Rid Of Obama

Our Neighbors to the North Get a Blue Ribbon for Sex Education While we FAIL

Emily Farris — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 16:49:00 GMT

Sure Canada might have a few questionable practices when it comes to young people and sex—the legal age for consent in the country is 16 while the legal age for consensual anal sex is 18—but the US could surely learn a few things about sex education from our neighbors to the north.

Here in the States, teen pregnancy rates are up for the second year in a row. According to recent statistics, American women have 2.09 children while Canadian women have about 1.6. Thirty percent of that difference is apparently due to teen births in the U.S., and a whopping 90 percent of those thirty percent are unwanted.

What is Canada doing so right that we're doing so wrong?

"...The main reason is that Canadian teens of all social classes get comprehensive information about contraception and about how to avoid unwanted pregnancies. They get more sex ed in school, and can access high-school-based family planning counselling though the nurse. They can also always access universally free medical services, including visiting family doctor and special health clinics. And at all levels, there's a more positive attitude towards the pill, and either cheap or free prescriptions for it.

As a result, young Canadian women use more effective pharmaceutical methods (i.e. birth control pills) rather than less effective ones (condoms, or the so-called withdrawal method)...

After a decade and $1.5 billion U.S. federal dollars spent on abstinence-only programs, a Congress-authorized, rigorous scientific study reported no real difference in the age at which program participants first had sex, whether they had sex before marriage, or in their number of sexual partners."

[The Tyee: Canada on Top in Sex Ed]

Related:

Abstinence-Only Education Doesn't Work

ABC Calls Drunken Teenage Anal Sex "Love Making," Interviews Jezzies and Ultimately Tries to be Helpful

If Teenagers Can Have Sex, Why Can't They Have Sex Toys?

Emily Farris — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 14:25:00 GMT

Kids get toy cars before they're old enough to drive, toy phones before they're old enough to get a cell phone account, toy ovens before they're old enough to play with fire and combustible gasses and even toy guns before they're too young to get a hunting license. So why can't teenagers who are old enough to engage in sexual activity get their hands on a few sex toys?

Seems kind-of fucked up when you consider that the legal age for consensual sex is under 18 in most places, but to enter a sex toy shop one needs to be at least that age. (Interesting aside: the legal age of sexual consent in Canada is 16 while the legal age for anal sexual consent is 18.)

Says one columnist in Canada:

"It sends a clear message to young people: Having sex with someone else is acceptable, but exploring your own body by masturbating with anything more than your own two hands is not."

Though the sale of sex toys is a states issue here in the United States, it's pretty much the same situation: it's legal to have sex at 17, it's just not legal to buy sex toys.

We can't begin to know the laws regulating the sale of sex toys to minors (or to now one, ahem, Alabama) in each state. But our friendly neighbors to the north have no laws on the books restricting the sale of sex toys, sold as “adult novelty items,” to anyone under the age of 18, yet stores will only allow those 18 and over to enter.

“I don’t think it’s an intentional double standard… They think they’re following the rules, is my hunch,” says Carlyle Jansen, owner of Good for Her.

Jansen says her understanding of the law restricts the sale of pornographic imagery in any medium to minors. “But sex toys, there don’t seem to be any regulations around who can purchase those and not. For example we allow people to bring their kids into the store or some people will come in and buy their daughter or son their first vibrator.

“I think the double standard comes out of the fact that we sort of ignore youth.”

So maybe that's why they're all turning up with STDs and/or babies in them?

[XTRA: Teens get shaft in struggle for sex toys]

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Do It Yourself, And Then With Yourself (Or the One You Love): Homemade Dildo Cam

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Ask a Porn Star a Bunch of Weird Sex Questions

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 23:38:00 GMT

Are you guys fans of "Ask a Porn Star," the mainstray of the San Francisco Bay Guardian's blog? Sex SF, the sex-positive web corner for the Guardian, has been running these strange interviews for ages, but we've ignored the majority of them until now.

This week, blogger and promising young porn star Stephen Boyer answers your our the interviewer's burning questions about Viagra, boring porn sex, trannies, and getting a foot shoved up your bum...

I tried to do a scene with a trans-woman once and she couldn’t get it up. Then she started to complain that she was sick. After that, she started having all of these negative body issues and eventually broke into tears. A few minutes later, she was saying she wanted to leave the porn world once and for all.
One of the boys had just turned 18 and had recently run away from home because his parents were really conservative. He was struggling to pay rent so he got into porn. The “Survivor” thing was his first shoot and the director wanted him to bottom, but not just for anyone; the director specifically made him bottom for a guy with a 12-inch dick that was also really thick. When the boy’s scene finally came up, everyone was watching because no one believed he could take it. But he did.

We've spared you the next sentence, which involves a serious amount of blood and other gross descriptions. Here are a few other highlights from the life of the budding adult film star:

I have used Viagra before but it isn’t something I practice and do regularly because I don’t need it.
[Does his butthole return to normal after having a foot inside it?] For the most part, yes, it does. But I don’t have anal sex that much, especially after a rigorous scene like that. The first hour or two after the scene, I felt like I couldn’t hold my stomach in, but after a good night’s sleep everything began to close back up. Now, it’s like, I shart but not any more than a normal person. Sharting is still a rare occurrence in my life, if that’s what you’re wondering.

We weren't, but if you're intrigued, you can read the rest of this unusual interview here.

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Better or Worse Than Abstinence-Only Education?

Emily Farris — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 16:01:00 GMT

[Via BigStupidIdiot.com]

Condom Commercials Getting Even Randier On YouTube

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 16:35:00 GMT

AIDS Map recommends you use extra-strength condoms, such as Durex Ultra Strong, when engaging in anal sex. Which is great news for you, since you'll want to have a lot of butt sex after watching the company's latest NSFW YouTube ad.

FOXNews Claims Jesus Will Guard Your Daughter's Vagina

Emily Farris — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 16:55:00 GMT

Forget everything you heard in 2008!!! It turns out hanging with that hepcat Jesus really does contribute to keeping America's youth free from sin.

According to Janet Rosenbaum, a post doctoral fellow at Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health, young people with strong religious backgrounds become sexually active about three years later than their non-religious peers. (It should be noted that her numbers are based on data collected from middle and high school students in 1995 and 1996, way back when even we were religious and not having sex.) But don't be fooled by those pesky virginity pledges or purity rings, she says.

Rosenbaum's study showed that making a virginity pledge doesn't play a role any sexual behavior because teenagers who take a pledge are just as likely to have premarital sex as those who do not promise abstinence. The study also revealed that those who took virginity pledges where less likely to use condoms that non-pledgers, she said.

So those kids with their purity rings can stop frontin'! However, if Rosenbaum thinks the numbers reflect the actions of today's teenagers, by "sex" she must mean purely "penis in vagina," because if we remember correctly, teenagers across the nation are gladly taking it up the ass—and other orifices—these days.

Of course, only FOXNews would report on a story that's based on 13-year-old statistics about 13-year-olds.

[FOXNews: Study: Religious Teens More Likely to Abstain from Sex]

ABC Calls Drunken Teenage Anal Sex "Love Making," Interviews Jezzies and Ultimately Tries to be Helpful
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Vicar Happened to Be Naked When He Fell On the Potato... With His Ass

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 14:03:00 GMT

For some reason, this incredible news story escaped our attention. Maybe because it was published on a day we had more important things to worry about...

On Halloween, the Telegraph published a story that began:

A vicar attended hospital with a potato stuck up his bottom - and claimed it got there after he fell on to the vegetable while naked.
The clergyman, in his 50s, told nurses he had been hanging curtains when he fell backwards on to his kitchen table.
He happened to be nude at the time of the mishap, said the vicar, who insisted he had not been playing a sex game.
The vicar had to undergo a delicate operation to extract the vegetable, one of a range of odd items medics in
Sheffield have had to remove from people's backsides or genitals.
Others include a can of deodorant, a cucumber, a Russian doll – and a carnation.

Wait, stop right there. We can understand the cucumber (obviously), the deodorant (shapely), even the carnation (we never thought of flowers as automatically phallic or even stimulating, but to each his own-- and you know the carnation incident was a "his"), but how in the Christ-- pardon my language, vicar-- do you fit a Russian doll up your ass?! Was it just the doll's arm? If so, it's an inflatable arm... how could that have been enjoyable? All that plastic and air?

Look at that. The Telegraph's bizarrely unfinished reportage caused us to be distracted from what should have been the lead heard 'round the world: A RELIGIOUS FIGURE STUFFED AN UNCOOKED (?) POTATO UP HIS OWN ASS, THEN CLAIMED HE FELL ON IT WHILE IT HAPPENED TO BE STANDING STRAIGHT UP ON A TABLE, THEREFORE FITTING INSIDE HIS TIGHT BUTTHOLE.

See that's the part that gets us-- his cover story might almost be believable in a giving-him-the-benefit-of-the-doubt sort of way, but he still can't explain why, if the potato was laying on a table, it was able to fit head-first in his bunghole.

Image: We don't remember where we found it, but we've been trying to use it in a story for ages. Our apologies if you were expected a potato there and are very disappointed...

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Is "Tech Sex" Somewhere Between Cyber Sex and Technical Sex?

Emily Farris — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 17:12:00 GMT

Oh, sorry. We thought the term "sexting" was the word on the street for teenagers sending sexually explicit text messages from phone to phone, but apparently the "exting" suffix is a little too niche for the broader problem, which is "tech sex."

According to a new poll, one in five US teens has sent nude or near nude images to someone by phone or email, and twice as many have sent "suggestive electronic messages."

We don't really see how this is any different than the coded messages our "friend" used to send to our pager in high school, except this takes all the fun out of us having to consult a phone key pad to figure out that he had a dream that he was shaving our pubic hair.

Anyway, this is apparently a problem, or else there wouldn't be a news story about it, right? But the real problem, as we see it is (as we've pointed out before): if you take naked pictures with your cell phone they will get leaked. We promise.

At least it's not unprotected anal sex.

[AFP: One in five US teens has had 'tech sex': study]

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ABC Calls Drunken Teenage Anal Sex "Love Making," Interviews Jezzies and Ultimately Tries to be Helpful

Emily Farris — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 22:38:00 GMT

More and more teenagers are having unprotected anal sex, according to an ABC article that refers to drunken, teenage anal sex as "love making" and informs us that Jezebel's Tracie Egan didn't even know how to clean herself after her first time.

Egan said that when she had anal sex with a boyfriend for the first time at 26, she was drunk, used no condom -- they were monogamous -- and didn't even know how to clean herself. "Lack of sex education in school is really bothersome to me," she said. "Even I don't know about a lot of the biological issues."

Unfortunately, as the article points out, due to abstienence only educatio, most teenagers don't know the first thing about anal sex. Plus, if you don't know what you're doing, it can be dangerous.

Like a proctologist once told us after we asked about anal sex it, er, opens your anal tissue up to tearing, which can lead to direct blood exposure to infected fluid. And as Jezebel's Megan Carpentier pointed out, "How many times do teens go to a pediatrician, not a gynecologist?" she said. "And when I was 18, my mother was still in the room."

A sampling of quotes from teenagers interviewed for the article shows just how uninformed teenagers still are about anal sex:

"I know some teens who did it just to try, and some who didn't have a condom available," said one 18-year-old Californian who did not want her name used.

"I think that it's less taboo simply because people are more open to trying new things," said her 23-year-old sister. "The younger crowd might be scared by the idea of getting pregnant, so they assume it's safer."

One recent graduate of a New England college said one of her classmates was a "hard-core" Catholic who was rumored to have engaged in risky behavior.

"She only had anal sex with her boyfriend until they were married because that technically kept her a virgin," said the 25-year-old who wanted to remain anonymous.

Things obviously haven't changed that much from when we were teenagers—not that it was that long ago—when our friends had anal sex to please their boyfriends while preserving their technical virginity.

ABC we commend you for writing about this topic, though we must laugh and point at your use of the term "love making."

[ABC: Study Reports Anal Sex on Rise Among Teens]

Taylor Swift: Joe Jonas Likes It Up the Butt

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Today in WTF: Virginity Pledges Actually Work?

But What Will I Tell My Dad?

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Taylor Swift: Joe Jonas Likes It Up the Butt

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 22:05:00 GMT

We refrained from putting the above comment in quotes was because we completely fabricated it out of nothing.

But really, don't these kids have anything more interesting to say about their relationships? What happened to ruining your career by dishing the dirt publicly, Jennifer Aniston-style, and taking everyone down with you?

After the jump, some quotes Taylor Swift gave to a country music magazine. The interview was placed on The Boot's front page, right above a story about Loretta Lynn (whose huge hits include "Don't Come Home A-Drinkin' with Lovin' On Your Mind" and "You Ain't Woman Enough to Take My Man"), which reminded us of how badass singers used to be... and how they came off as cool especially after they talked major trash about their lovers...

"What I've learned is that I've really moved on from it.You can't stress about what you can't change. You have to live your life and be happy in spite of whatever doubts you might have or whatever might have happened.

"I'm not typically the girl who dates a lot of guys or is in relationships a lot. Most of my life, I've been single [yeah, that's because most of your life has taken place before puberty-- fer chrissakes, you're 19!] If I meet somebody who's great, I'll make an exception. But I'm really happy being alone ... I don't feel a sense of emptiness if I don't have a boyfriend.

"If you're like, 'I need to talk to you' all the time, [or] 'Why didn't you call me back?' ... If you're that girl, then nobody's going to want to date you. I have this rule: I don't call a guy first. And you can't ever send two text messages in a row.

"It's so important to be confident in who you are. The best thing you can bring to a relationship is a whole person."

Seriously, we're thrilled that a natural young talent like Taylor Swift is on the country music scene-- or any entertainment scene for that matter-- a woman who writes her own songs, has the indie spirit, is down to earth, and maybe won't end up marrying some childhood friend in Vegas and a backup dancer who has the IQ of a fence post.

We can dream, can't we?

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Emily Farris — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 16:35:00 GMT

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Pharrell's Anal Sex Chair Makes Us Feel a Little Funny Down There

Emily Farris — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 13:09:00 GMT

As part of a "Perpsective" exhibit at the Emmanuel Perroten Gallery in Paris, Pharrell (of N.E.R.D. fame) designed this anal sex chair. Or course, he's not calling it an an anal sex chair. Not even a doggy style couch.

For his first exhibition in a gallery, Pharrell has created some furniture with vibrant colors and slick surfaces. Two chairs will be exhibited: one with the legs of a lion and the second with human legs. They will be produced in different colors, with a choice for the seat in veal skin or leather. The shape of the seat is inspired by the “Eames chair”. Pharrell Williams diverted examples of classical furniture and update them into a sort of Hip-Hop style with his intense colors and sensual material.

Is it just us, or is there something so very wrong about an anal sex chair with veal skin?

[Billionaire Boys Club via Oh No They Didn't]

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Scanner Highs and Lows: We're This Close to Losing it to Sarah Palin

Emily Farris — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 21:29:00 GMT

In a month we'll either get to stop hearing about Sarah Palin forever or we'll be stuck hearing about her for four years. It kind-of feels like that time when you decide you're ready to lose your virginity and just need to find someone to lose it to. You know it's either going to be really great or really terrible, but you just need it to happen already... Right? Anyone?

Highs:

We may have found a man to keep us warm this winter.

And if it doesn't work out with that guy, we might still have a chance with Michael Cera.

If we get really desperate, we got hit on by this guy (even though they guy thought we were Sarah Palin).

We finally got our hands on the Sarah Palin swimsuit competition video.

We were on the local news, and this time there were no microwave dinners in sight.

We heard that Anne Hathaway liked anal. Then that she didn't. Then you told us you like Anal Anne better.

Lows:

We were forced to think of Hugh Hefner as a classy man (damn you, Joe "Boobies" Francis!).

We got in trouble for showing peen and had to take it down. Sorry.

We let ourselves be momentarily amused by Rachael Ray.

We had to listen to Sarah Palin talk for a really long time.

And we saw her nude. Sort of.

This guy gave us nightmares.

We lost a sweet, wonderful, beautiful man.

Man Charged After Drunken Sex Leaves Woman Dead

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 13:41:00 GMT

A man is charged with murder in St. Paul, Minnesota after a one-night stand gone wrong. Barely even news these days, right?

Of course, if you're seeing it here, it is. The man, Michael Carrasco Sontoya, faces 40 years in prison for having what many believe was consensual, drunken sex that involved fisting and anal sex. The victim, 31-year-old Gabriel Patricia Romo, was found in her home the next morning, having bled to death. But she had no stab or gunshot wounds, signs of struggle, or any other indications of murder. So what the hell happened here?

According to the local Fox affiliate, Sontoya told police he may have torn the woman's vaginal walls while having intercourse, but police find it suspicious there was no blood on Sontoya's thighs. Also, there were strange signs of blood having been cleaned up, plus blood on some shoelaces found in Romo's closet. Sontoya explained the situation: the couple had had 90 minutes of vaginal and anal sex, which included Sontoya sticking his fist inside of Romo, then got up and noticed Romo was bleeding.

He said he cleaned himself off in the bathroom while Romo cleaned up her vomit on the floor.
Sontoya then said the two went to sleep before we woke up, realized the situation, called his brother and called 911. Sontoya’s brother is a Ramsey County deputy, who advised him to call police.

What do you think? Did Sontoya fall asleep, thinking the bleeding was minor, and woke up to find Romo dead and that's it? Or did he let Romo die (or even willed it somehow) and cleaned up after himself? Or something in between? Whatever the case may be, we hate to have to be the jury on Sontoya's murder trial... this ain't gonna be easy...

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If Only Tina Fey Would Play Sarah Palin in the Forthcoming Porno

Emily Farris — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 17:09:00 GMT

A "major adult studio" is seeking a Sarah Palin lookalike "ASAP' for a forthcoming film.

While we understand this is totally sexist and degrading and whatever other feminist terms we're supposed to throw out there, we'd like to remind you that there have been plenty of political pornos starring men (Eliot Spitzer, anyone?) and, c'mon, who wouldn't want to see Tina Fey doing a naked, over-excited, gyrating Sarah Palin?

C'mon, Tina! There's "no anal required." You could totally do it.

If you're not down, perhaps Anne Hathaway could pass as Palin with the right glasses and updo?

[Craigslist]

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Who Would You Rather: The Anne Hathaway Who Enjoys Anal Sex or The Anne Hathaway Who Doesn't?

Emily Farris — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 20:22:00 GMT

Okay, so it's possible the Internets tricked us into believing Anne Hathaway just loves anal sex. According to the blogosphere, in an upcoming issue of Esquire, Hathaway opens up about her love of anal sex, claiming it makes her feel "feminine in a very special way... every woman should try it, otherwise they miss out on something amazing."

But the kids at Defamer were just as skeptical as some of the ladies here at Scanner were, and contacted Esquire to get to the bottom (pardon the pun) of it. "Absolutely not true," Esquire spokesperson Rhett Usry told the blog. "There is no interview with Anne Hathaway at all in the upcoming issue of Esquire."

As representatives of the Internets, we'd like to apologize for getting your hopes up about Hathaway's love of anal sex. And now we ask you, who would you rather, the dirty girl who loves it or the sweet, innocent pretty, pretty princess?

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Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 13:08:00 GMT

The leader of the dreaded Taliban in Pakistan is dead. Much to everyone's chagrin, his death is from kidney failure.

This new Dr. Drew sex show isn't going over well. Especially the stuff about Moms and their sons discussing each others' sex lives.

That nonsense about Russia being so close to Alaska? Turns out it's truer than we thought...

Owen Wilson's new addiction? Text messaging.

Sharon Stone is really starting to freak us out. Stop it!

And we were going to wait for the full Esquire feature, but it's taking forever to come out, so we'll just tell you what we know: Anne Hathaway has become the first Hollywood star to publicly praise anal sex:

“Every woman should try it, otherwise they miss out on something amazing.” She adds that anal penetration makes her feel “feminine in a very special way.”

The actress also spoke at length about the significance selecting a trustworthy partner for first time anal encounters.

Via Pop Crunch.

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Malaysian Opposition Leader Accused of Sodomizing Male Aide

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 13:09:00 GMT

Anwar Ibrahim, longtime opposition leader in Malaysia, fled to the Turkish Embassy yesterday following revelations he is being investigated for having sex with his male aide, a charge that ruined his career once before.

According to CNN:

Anwar, a charismatic politician, was once part of the ruling establishment, rising to the post of deputy prime minister and finance minister in then-Prime Minister Mahathir Mohamad's government in the 1990s.
But it all unraveled in 1998 when he was accused of sodomizing his driver and abusing his power to cover up the deed. Mahathir fired him from the government and had him jailed. Anwar was subsequently convicted on both charges but Malaysia's highest court overturned the sodomy conviction and freed him in 2004.
Anwar insists he was framed to prevent him from challenging Mahathir for power. After a decade in political oblivion, Anwar revived his career with this year's electoral success.

Anwar is eligible to run for Prime Minister again soon, although his life may be in danger, which is why he a) claims to have to hide at the Turkish Assembly and b) why these accusations are appearing now.

In his blog statement, Anwar said he recently obtained evidence that the national police chief, Musa Hassan, and the attorney general, Abdul Gani Patail, fabricated evidence against him in 1998.
"These actions are being repeated today to undermine the forces of reform and renewal which were unleashed in the March 2008 elections," he said. In an earlier statement, he said the new accusation was engineered by "interested parties" to prevent him from exposing Musa and Abdul Gani.

In a country where sodomy is published by jail time, it's not likely to matter whether he was framed or not...

Via CNN.

Have You Had a Taste of "Young American Bodies?"

Emily Farris — Thu, 29 May 2008 21:37:00 GMT

Have you been keeping up with "Young American Bodies," the NC-17-ish web soap opera that's the brain child of indie filmmaker Joe Swanberg (of Hannah Takes the Stairs fame) and a product of Nerve Video and IFC?

If you haven't, you need to clickety click on over to Nerve Video and catch up on all three seasons before you watch this weeks' "Dating for Nerds." If you don't do as we say, you'll miss out on such gems as "You're putting your penis by my butt," and something most non-XXX media is missing: full-frontal male nudity.

[Nerve Video: Young American Bodies]

How Long Were You a "Technical Virgin?"

Emily Farris — Wed, 21 May 2008 21:17:00 GMT

For us it was a couple of years. You know, that time between oral sex and intercourse or that period of "technical virginity." But apparently, teens today aren't even bothering with the whole "technical" part.

"There is a widespread belief that teens engage in nonvaginal forms of sex, especially oral sex, as a way to be sexually active while still claiming that, technically, they are virgins," Laura Lindberg of the Guttmacher Institute in New York, who led the study, said in a statement.

Well. Yes. Oral sex to us was like super-special kissing. We certainly didn't think of it as sex, and will forever stand by the fact that we lost our virginity two weeks before our eighteenth birthday (no need to rehash; you already heard about all that earlier today).

"However, our research shows that this supposed substitution of oral sex for vaginal sex is largely a myth. There is no good evidence that teens who have not had intercourse engage in oral sex with a series of partners."

Because apparently kids who are having oral sex are also having intercourse, and if there is a period of "technical virginity," for most teens in the study, it was six months or less, unlike back in our day (we know, so long, long ago).

Even more interesting: according to the study white kids have the most anal sex.

[Reuters: Teen sex study doubts "technical virginity"]

Scanner Highs and Lows: Finders Keepers, Finders Weepers

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 09 May 2008 21:51:00 GMT

Oh, the things you'll learn!

HIGHS:

We found porn on Wikipedia.

We found a picture of a very sexy carrot.

We found out about... sommmmeeboddyy'sss birthdaaay!

We discovered a secret pantie run at ASU. Okay, it couldn't have been that secret if hundreds of Arizonians were ready with their cameras when it went down.

We uncovered the ancient art of the VHS tape.

We revealed the identity of Minnie Driver's baby daddy. And no, she's not "fucking Matt Damon."

We learned that homosexuality is a whopping 140 years old!

We began a new contest after finding one of the great dive bars.

LOWS:

We uncovered a Google Map pertaining to the sexual conquests of an individual unfortuantely named "Igor."

We found out that Grey's Anatomy is resorting to raunchy lesbian sex to keep its ratings up. Shame on them?

We discovered the Ugly Models Agency is not really all that bad. It makes us feel ugly, in fact.

Our eyes burned after learning about anal from Spencer Pratt.

We mourned the wonderful news of Scarlett Johansson's enagement.

IN-BETWEENS:

We learned the identity of the owner of a famous third nipple. Actually, everyone cheated by reading the name of the celebrity off the title of the photo. Whoops!

And we learned about America's most sexually satisfying cities. None of them are near us, damn it.

Spencer Pratt Knows a Thing or Seven About Initiating Anal Sex

Nicole Pasulka — Thu, 08 May 2008 20:23:00 GMT

Hey, yo, you know who we really want to imagine doing the stinky samba? Spencer Pratt, of course. In honor of Pratt being such a desireable anal sex partner, let's look at what he told Radar Magazine and the world about how to initiate back door loving with the object of your affection.

Spence, when's a good time to ask for anal?

If you're dating a guy, right away. If you're dating girl, I think you'll know pretty quick if she's into that. If they're not bringing it up, it's not something on their agenda. That's just realistic. My boxing coach Dirty Phi says, "If you stick your pinkie in there, and then another finger, and then another, and she responds happily, then it's cool."

Who knew Dirty Phi gave such reasonable sex and relationship advice? Thank God Pratt has found such a level headed mentor.