Scanner : american idol

PapSmeared: Clay Aiken and Reed Kelly Go Together Like Pinstripes and Argyle

Emily Farris — Wed, 13 May 2009 16:17:00 GMT

Sloppy Seconds: Get Gay Married in New Hampshire?

Emily Farris — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 22:03:00 GMT

As of this morning, federal officials had confirmed 91 infections of swine flu in 11 states. Time to freak the fuck out, people! [Baltimore Sun]

In her new memoir, Elizabeth Edwards said she vomited after learning of her husband, former democratic presidential candidate John Edwards', affair. [Us]

Liev Schreiber used to resent girlfriend and baby mama Naomi Watts' fame. But he's learned to live with it. [FemaleFirst]

Porn star Joanna Angel talks about how the recession has affected her end of the sex industry. [FlavorWire]

The New Hampshire Senate yesterday voted 13-11 to approve gay marriage. The bill has been sent back to the House for changes and if the bill becomes law, New Hampshire will be the fifth state to allow same-sex marriages. [Boston.com]

Just in time for the first gay American Idol? [Reuters]

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While You Were Sleeping: Fake Boobs, Fake ID

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 13:08:00 GMT

The continued success of National Public Radio proves that there are at least a handful of people out there still interested in brain stimulation.

Margaret Cho on Margaret Cho and her Cho Show.

Condoleeza Rice started to climb out of her shell on Leno, discussing Led Zeppelin and Obama...

The worst story of the month: a man claims his mother died when a police officer stalled the man's hospital trip to write a ticket.

Thanks to Behrooz for reminding us about the woman who used a fake ID to pay for fake boobs. Not much can be said about that.

Is this the best Mike Huckabee quote ever? "When it abolished slavery, the U.S. debated and decided it was immoral for one person to have complete, life-or-death power over another." Obviously, Huckabee is against the death penalty... right?

A Congressional candidate announced via Twitter.

We understand why it's on the market, but we're still uncomfortable with it.

Jennifer Hudson will have her revenge on American Idol.

And there's no story to go with the above photo. We just assumed you would appreciate it.

While You Were Sleeping: Carrie Underwood's Dress Was Too Short

Today in WTF: Man Has Sex with or in a Dumpster

While You Were Sleeping: The Rihanna Nightmare Continues

While You Were Sleeping: More Grey's Anatomy Turmoil

Carrie Underwood: Terrorist?

Colleen Kane — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 18:27:00 GMT

The wack-job organization The Center for Consumer Freedom is accusing Carrie Underwood of supporting animal-rights terrorists. And why? Because she's donating some proceeds from her new single -- a cover of Motley Crue's "Home Sweet Home" -- to that controversial organization known as... The Humane Society of the United States.

Carrie Underwood may think she is supporting puppies and kittens, but she needs to understand that she is supporting domestic terrorists instead," wrote a columnist on the conservative site MichNews.com, referring in the first part of the statement to the understandable confusion of HSUS (which does animal advocacy, outreach, education about puppy mills, etc.) and the regular old Humane Society (known for pet adoptions).

So what's this supposed connection between the HSUS and terror? In a nutshell, activists in a different organization were convicted of using terrorist tactics, and some of those activists have apparently been in the same room as a representative from the HSUS. Check out this full-page ad that ran in the New York Times last December, where the organization attempted to explain with a flow chart how, exactly, the HSUS is a terrorist organization.

Related:

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While You Were Sleeping: The New American Idol Judge

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"American Idol" Has Porno Problems

Emily Farris — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 17:37:00 GMT

VIA THE REMOTE ISLAND: There's a very funny little telephone complication caused by Idol taking Anoop Desai as its 13th finalist...

You see, when American Idol asks viewers to vote for finalists, they generally have them call one of twelve numbers, which range from 1-866-436-5701 to 1-866-436-5712. Pretty straightforward stuff. Except now the show's got 13 finalists. And it doesn't own the number 1-866-436-5713.

Hot or Not: 41-Year-Old Cheerleader Hopeful?

Emily Farris — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 16:01:00 GMT

Do you hate us for even asking?

The Internets were abuzz this weekend with talk (and a picture) of 41-year-old Shelly Lawlor who showed up for the New England Patriots' open cheerleader auditions on Saturday.

No, Lawlor probably doesn't have the body she used to, and dear God, she should have gone with different bottoms, but we give her props for being one of 300 women (many of whom looked and were dressed exactly alike) to audition—even if there are probably a plethora of reasons she wouldn't make the cut (for starers, that shit is hard; you have to be in scary shape to do those moves). Sure, she might have avoided some unwanted (or wanted?) attention by not auditioning, but we commend Lawlor for not being a Botoxed, tummy-tucked 40-something and being proud of it.

Picture after the jump...

We say with the right outfit (she is certainly not wearing the right outfit in this picture) hot!

We have to wonder though: was she trying to make a statement or was she like one of those American Idol hopefuls who think they sing like Mariah Carey? Maybe it's neither, she might just have some smooth moves. She sure looks like she knows what she's doing.

What say you, Scanner readers?

Woman Steals Daughter's Identity to Become a High School Cheerleader

Nude High School Cheerleader Scandal is Disturbing for a Few Reasons

[Image, Image]

Top 10 Hottest Women Size 10 and Up

Emily Farris — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 16:57:00 GMT

Late last year, as men's magazines were coming out with their hottest women on the planet lists, we started to put together a list of hot, normal-sized women. As much as we hate the idea of having to create a separate list for women size 10 and up, we can't imagine the editors of FHM or Maxim drooling over a size 10 or 12. You can call Beyonce curvy all you want, she's probably still only a size 6. Hence the need for this list.

Unfortunately, we got stuck at around seven. We couldn't come up with ten relevant, prominent women who were the size of the average American woman (14) who could turn heads. Frustrated, we gave up on it. But last week, when we heard that Anna Wintour—who, to put it plainly, does not like fat girls—was going to fill the pages of Vogue with pictures of British songstress and former Crush of the Week Adele, we enlisted the help of our girlfriends to complete the list. It turns out most of them were frustrated, too, that they couldn't contribute more than one or two names. "This is sadly hard!!!" wrote one, to which we replied, "Actually, it's infuriatingly hard." But three months and 37 emails later, we have a list of ten amazingly hot women who we assume* wear a size 10 or larger. We know we've left plenty of beautiful women off of this list (and we hope you'll list them in the comments section), but we hope you'll enjoy Scanners Top 10 Hottest Women Size 10 and Up.

10. Keely Shaye Smith
Though she has an acting career of her own, we really only know Kelly Shaye Smith as Pierce Brosnan's wife—and unfortunately only because tabloids made terrible fun of some bikini photos of her. But we give Brosnan two thumbs up for his beautiful buxom bride of eight years.

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9. Missy Elliott
We have a hard time imagining Missy Elliot in anything but a trash bag, but once she ditched that getup, she got pretty damn hot. (Okay, she was hot then, but the trash bag really wasn't doing much for her.)

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8. Janet Weiss
Is there anything hotter than a chick who plays bass? How about a chick who plays drums? Janet Weiss, former drummer for the now defunct riot grrrl band Sleater-Kinney, now plays with Stephen Malkmus and the Jicks.

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7. Sara Ramirez
She was hot as George's wife, Callie Watts on Grey's Anatomy, but now that she's bringing some hot, lesbian action to the show, we imagine Sara Ramirez has earned herself a whole new set of fans (including us!).

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6. Adele
Had anyone heard of Adele before she made an appearance on what will forever be referred to as Sarah Palin's Saturday Night Live episode? Lucky for her, and us, everyone was watching. Just a few short months later, she took home a Grammy for Best New Artist.

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5. Jennifer Hudson
From American Idol to Dreamgirls to her 2009 Grammy Award for Best R&B Album, whenever we see Jennifer Hudson, we can't help but be proud of our own curves. We usually also put on a tight dress and dance around the house to Supremes albums.

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4. Neko Case
Men want her and women want to be her. Neko Case is a woman you can't help but like, and the ~~former~~ front woman for the New Pornographers is beautiful with her firey red hair and pale skin. At first we had a hard time believing Case was a 10, but we have it on very good authority (a friend who works in the music industry) that she is. And we like it.

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3. Queen Latifah
Easy, breezy, beautiful CoverGirl, actress, singer and rapper Queen Latifah has managed to reinvent herself enough to remain relevant—and smokin'—for 20 years. Here's hoping for another 20.

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2. Nigella Lawson
Without the T&A we all love so much, Nigella Lawson could probably squeeze that little waist of hers into a size 6. But we would hate for that to happen. Not only is she gorgeous, Lawson has gone through so much shit in her life (she lost her mother, her sister and her first husband to cancer) yet still manages to make sure we all eat enough chocolate.

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1. Christina Hendricks
We have to bow at the feet of Christina Hendricks for bringing Joan Holloway and her gorgeous curves into our lives, and back into the mainstream popular culture. While she likes her dresses snug, we heard from someone who used to share her clothes that she's most certainly a size 10. And on a scale of 1 to 10, a 10.

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*Disclaimer: This size thing is based purely on our own assumptions and/or input from people who claim to know. But being a size 10 ourselves, we're pretty good at guessing these things.

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Scanner Emily's Top 10 Lessons Learned in 2008

Scanner Emily's Top 10 Lessons Learned in 2007

Crush of the Week: Adele

Jennifer Hudson Looking Hot on Her New Album Cover

That Wasn't Bikini Girl's First Time in a Bikini...

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 19:06:00 GMT

One suspects that Katrina Darrell sleeps, operates motor vehicles, and possibly showers while wearing her trademark skimpy bikini. The doomed (we say) American Idol contestant likely has no interest in actually winning the show (she has no chance-- can you imagine the female backlash, via text message, once audience voting heats up?) She's there to show off her body in hopes a modeling agency will snap her up.

And just to make sure, she's made the public well aware that there are oodles of swimsuit shots of her floating around on the internet...

Personally, we could care less about Fox's made-up fight between Darrell and Kara DioGuardi, the new judge in town. We could care less about either of them, in fact. All we want to know is how to get in touch with this young hopeful, Casey Carlson.

(By the way, the question "can she sing?" is irrelevant, since no one who has ever appeared on the show, besides perhaps Jennifer Hudson, has ever kept us from fleeing the supermarket when their songs come on.)

Forget about the so-called "Bikini Girl," this is the bikini-clad gal of our dreams-- and although this is Photoshopped to all hell, it's clear she at least has some meat on those bones...

More of her here.

While You Were Sleeping: Laura Croft To Get Naked

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 14:02:00 GMT

How is that we haven't found a reason to share this clip of Ryan Seacrest trying to high-five a blind American Idol contestant?

The former director of faith-based initiatives for the state of Ohio was busted for operating an online prostitution ring.

If you're a high school sports coach and you're going to text an underage girl, try not to do it while you're in the same room as your wife, who is hanging out with one of her parents. Okay?

The guy who killed Oscar Grant pled... not guilty.

Hey, Rhode Island: did you know prostitution is legal indoors in your state?

What do you do if your video game isn't hot anymore? Have your main character walk around naked, which is apparently the plan for the next edition of Tomb Raider.

And 90210's latest attempt to boost its ratings is a guest appearance by Diablo Cody, pictured above.

We Wish They'd Shut Down American Idol Instead of Stripper Idol

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 23:56:00 GMT

Did anyone else see this train wreck, pictured above, who somehow manage to squeak by the competition and land a trip to Hollywood? Not only did she skank it to the max to highlight her vocal shortcomings, but then she tried to make out with Ryan Seacrest-- twice. Bleech.

30.1 million people tuned in for Tuesday night's season premiere of American Idol. Among those who were not watching-- patrons at the Austin bar The Palazio Men's Club, who had better things to do...

(Sure, the contest is on Thursday nights, but it's not like the patrons were watching Fox the other night, what with glorious stripping right in front of them.)

American Idol's lawyers, who apparently have infinite amounts of money and time, decided to shut down the Texas competition which pits amateur topless females in 60-second strip-offs for a cash prize of $500. (That's it? Hell, strippers used to make $500 a night each... and now there'll only be one and everyone else gets zilch?) The bored lawyers claim that the "color scheme, design and font" of the Austin competition is too similar to the Fox one-- we're sure it's identical, but that's not the point-- and then this gem:

"There is a substantial likelihood that consumers will be confused, misled or deceived as to the sponsorship ... of the defendants' stripper talent contest."

Right. Grandma who wants to see another Jordan Sparks wannabe is going to go to a bar, thinking that the show is no longer on TV, and will somehow miss that the word "American" has been changed to "STRIPPER." Of course, the judge will side with whomever has the highest-paid lawyers, so Texas is screwed again.

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Sloppy Seconds: More Sex and the City?

Emily Farris — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 23:53:00 GMT

Ada Calhoun, from our not so slutty sister site Babble, weighs in on Facebook's nipple ban. [TIME]

We're usually all about Kelly Clarkson's girl power lyrics, but not so much with her new single "My Life Would Suck Without You." [FadedYouth]

Speaking of girl power, did you know it's Women's Self-Empowerment Week? And do we really need a Women's Self-Empowerment Week? [Jezebel]

Jennifer Love Hewitt is back on the market, in case you're interested. (We're guessing you're not). [People]

Steve Jobs is not dying. He will continue to over-charge us for upgrades, monitors not covered under warranty and warranties. [Yahoo!]

Rich, happy, healthy Gwyneth Paltrow shares her secrets for shedding those pesky holiday pounds: just cut out meat, dairy, fat, potatoes, tomatoes, sugar, alcohol and caffeine. Easy! [Us]

Crazy lady and and Sex and the City stylist Patricia Field is starting a rumor: that there will be a Sex and the City: The Movie sequel. Are you excited? We are. Shut up. [MTV]

Sloppy Seconds: Even Winning 'American Idol' Won't Help You in this Economy

Emily Farris — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 00:02:00 GMT

Say goodbye to our old friends at MollyGood and please cross your fingers and hope that your favorite Scanner bloggers still have jobs come next Monday. [MollyGood]

Lynne Spears admits she was a bit of an enabler when raising Britney. [Jossip]

Madonna is suing the Mail for publishing pictures of her wedding to soon-to-be-former husband Guy Ritchie. You know, so she can have even more money to flaunt in front of him when they split. [BBC]

Our neighborhood (read: Scanner Emily's neighborhood) is totally contaminated. Yum. [NYT]

Fist Ed McMahon had his house foreclosed on, now it's American Idol winner Fantasia Barrino. Is Tyra Banks next? [Us]

Yet again, we are forced to tell you that Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson have not broken up. [People]

Our blog reader is down. That is all we have for you today folks.

PC World Picks The 11 Worst Blogs

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 15:19:00 GMT

Strangely enough, there are no LOLCat-related sites on this list... although we'd certainly nominate them.

Bad Hair Day. Seriously, this one's so boring we won't even trouble you with an analysis.

The Senator Ted Stevens Campaign Blog

The Michael Sandecki blog. It seems the answer to every "Who the hell is ____?" question we ask these days can be answered with "American Idol."

The Pepsi-KFC Blog. What ever do they talk about? Whatever it is, it's not interesting enough to research further.

The Adventures of Pat O'Neil. Despite the fact that we are bloggers, we were unaware that fictional historical characters have absurdist blogs.

Jesus Fucking Christ, Jack in the Box has a fucking MySpace blog.

Paris Hilton: A Paris Hilton Fan Blog, which was probably created by Paris Hilton or one of her BFF fembots.

Kim Kardashian's blog, which is somehow more pathetic than any fan blog about Kim Kardashian.

Rosie O'Donnell's blog, which is somehow more pathetic than Kim Kardashian's blog. Ouch.

CheckOut, which is really a big ad for Wal-Mart, according to PC World.

And the winner is... The Dullest Blog in the World. No comment.

Via MSNBC.

The Top 10 Yahoo Searches of 2008

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 21:28:00 GMT

We never understand why year-end best of polls come out before the year is over (meaning: we understood that the media tries to capitalize on the year before everyone stops carrying, but not why anyone accepts them as fact.) Top 10 movies, as polled by the critics who have seen all the year's releases already, but what if there's a major prostitution scandal and everyone starts looking up someone named Joanna Esmerelda Dupois in absurd numbers?

Yahoo isn't worried about our pesky little inquiries. It has already released their top 10 list for 2008 and although we've already revealed their #1 choice, once we caught wind of the runner-ups, we felt an overwhelming urge to burden you with this information...

10. American Idol. You mean, people don't get enough of this shit in its four hours per week?

9. Angelina Jolie. Must've been those $14 million baby pictures everyone was trying to catch a glimpse of without having to buy a tabloid magazine. Say hello to the free world wide web, People.

8. Lindsay Lohan. She would've been our guess for the #1 slot, which shows you how much we know about what men find most attractive.

7. Naruto. Apparently, some sort of cartoon character. See #8.

6. Jessica Alba. Yes, she has her assets, but none of them include talent, interesting personality, or newsmaking lifestyle. Why, why, why?

5. RuneScape. We're starting to feel a little bit left out of the loop here...

4. Miley Cyrus. We're almost relieved to see Hannah, scion of the Montana's, on this rundown, for reasons of familiarity only.

3. Barack Obama. Here's hoping the most popular related searches do not include the phrases "is a Muslim" or "and mom's nude photos."

2. WWE. Scary... although we figured eight-year-old boys are computer-trained these days...

1. Britney Spears. What hasn't been said already about a woman who was a has-been at age 7 and hasn't done a damn thing worth paying attention to since? Let's make this her last appearance on this or any list, please...

Via Yahoo.

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While You Were Sleeping: Amy Winehouse's Scientology Cure

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 13:59:00 GMT

Today in CNN discoveries: thrift stores get a lot of business from the middle class... and hipsters.

Paris Bennett, who has something to do with American Idol, gave birth in the United States to a daughter she calls Egypt.

Even Willem Dafoe is feeling the housing crunch...

Willem Dafoe is having trouble selling his house in upstate Accord for $850,000. "It is clad in neoprene, the stuff they make wetsuits out of," says his neighbor, author Bruce Littlefield [NY Post]

Barack Obama leads John McCain... in Halloween sales.

Nonetheless, he shouldn't get cocky and listen to Michael Dukakis.

Drew Barrymore weighs in.

And Amy Winehouse is rumored to be seriously considering a Scientology-run detox program:

One of Amy’s inner circle tells me: “She had a call from the celebrity branch of the Church Of Scientology. She thinks they got her number through one of the American music producers who worked on her Back to Black album. They told her they wanted to help her beat drugs and could tailor-make a programme so she wouldn’t have to go to a residential centre. She liked that idea because her husband Blake is out of prison soon and wouldn’t want to be away from him when he’s finally freed.” [Mirror]

Today in WTF: Endorsed By...

Because It's Never Too Early to Start Thinking About Slutty Halloween Costumes

New, Gay, Clay Aiken Is Way More Likeable Than Old, Closeted Clay Aiken

Nicole Pasulka — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 16:50:00 GMT

Clay Aiken turned up on Good Morning America yesterday to discuss that whole "gay" thing. Level-headed and way less hysterical than usual, Clay's popularity finally makes some sense to us. Diane Sawyer's popularity, however, continues to be a complete mystery.

Enjoy Clay Aiken's poise when confronted with creepy, leading questions from Diane about all his "suffering" and how "painful" this all must be for his family below.

Diane! We are the only ones suffering here and it's just because we're forced to endure to your "hard-hitting journalism." Dude is gay. We're cool with it. He's cool with it. Even some of the Claymates are doing all right. Relax or we'll have the Whistle-Stop Express drop your ass at the bottom of the ocean once and for all.

Top 10 Celebrities Who Are Probably Cool In Real Life

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 19:21:00 GMT

Feel free to weigh in and add your own... especially if you can correct (or add) based on personal experience...

10. Neil Young-- because of-- or in spite of-- the fact that he is obsessed with model trains

9. Heidi Klum-- showing us her ass bruise yesterday is what got us thinking about this list in the first place

8. Anthony Bourdain-- the only man who works in a kitchen that we probably couldn't take in a fight... but he wouldn't start one with us... because he's cool like that

7. Simon Cowell-- once he steps out of character, he might be a pretty good wingman... same with Ryan Seacrest (just kidding!)

6. Elvis Costello-- if you've seen him in concert recently, you know he still has the same energy and kickass attitude that seemed so fresh in 1976

5. Bill Clinton-- unless, of course, you have a busty blond with you, hanging out with Bill Clinton is rumored to be a great time, where dirty jokes are always welcome... as long as they don't involve "interns"

4. David Bowie-- then again, David Bowie could sneer at us and it would kind of awesome

3. Wanda Sykes-- now here's somebody who you actually wouldn't mind it if she were "on" all the damn time

2. The dudes from Flight of the Conchords

1. Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert (tie)-- this we know from reliably sources... and, because, if they weren't cool in real life, it would break out poor widdle liberal hearts...

Also, a good way to tell if a celebrity might be an all right person in real life is to scan through this page of stories from waiters all over the country. They weight on whether a celebrity was a great tipper (Bill Murray, Joe Pesci, Stevie Nicks) or one who ordered "many bottles of wine" and still stiffed the help (Don Henley, big surprise.)

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Scanner Roundtable: What Did We Think About The DNC & Obama's Speech?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 20:01:00 GMT

According to the Huffington Post, Nielsen says that, in addition to the 80,000 people who saw the speech in person, 38 million people watched Obama the nomination last night on television, "more... than watched the Olympics opening ceremony in Beijing, the final American Idol or the Academy Awards this year."

Well, John McCain's nap could beat the Academy Awards any day, but the real question is: what did we think of the speech?

Early reports are glowing-- at least from the media. But they don't know a damn thing about the public, as evidenced by every story about the election up until Iowa, their wrong guesses on what Obama would say last night, etc. etc.

If you're like us and think the Democratic leadership is generally made up of whimps who have to play nice with a guy who doesn't play nice back, check out this relatively amusing (although pretty thin) John McCain Honorable Attack Generator.

Image via Code Pink.

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Into The Wild: The Last of the Democratic Delegates

Classy Hillary Clinton Nominates Obama To The Tearful Strains Of Her Supporters' Hand Claps

While You Were Sleeping: The New American Idol Judge

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 13:41:00 GMT

Remember that story last week about the bride and groom that got into a fight with their guests and ended up in jail? (Twice?) Well, a couple in Scotland may have taken us literally when we joked it sounded like a great party.

Three people have been arrested for attempting to assassinate or at least wound Senator Obama during his outdoor speech, scheduled for Thursday night.

Speaking of Obama: isn't voting for McCain after you backed Hillary Clinton the same as voting for Bush after you backed Bill Bradley?

As frustrated Democrats converged on Denver yesterday, some began chanting "caucus fraud," while others shouted the word "sweetie," a reference to the time Obama called a female reporter by the same name. One Clinton supporter who spoke to ABC News said Obama couldn't be trusted. Another said, "He's shifty and untrustworthy." [ABC News]

We're not sure why every media outlet did a story on the reason Facebook blocked Scrabulous. Thanks, but we figured it was Mattel's doing all along.

Songwriter Karen DioGuardi, who looks like someone who'd play Paula Abdul in a Lifetime movie, and author of hits for Carrie Underwood, Pink, and Kelly Clarkson, is bringing her brand of sass to American Idol. Now the show just needs someone who can actually sing and we might watch it.

A father and son, who have been separated for 22 years are finally reunited: in prison, where both are serving terms for the same sex crime.

One of the singers from the Barenaked Ladies survived a plane crash. They just got a whole lot cooler in our books...

Yes, he's been such a great parent so far, let's do it all over again: Charlie Sheen's new wife is pregnant.

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DNC Kicks Off Tonight With Ghosts Of Party Past

While You Were Sleeping: The Pregnant Lady Lingerie Controversy

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 13:01:00 GMT

Think this'll stop those incessant rumors about Clay Aiken?

You know it was bound to happen sooner or later... we just wish people had gotten used to the idea of California's gay marriages before they have to get used to the idea of California gay divorces.

Speaking of California, damn place is s'crazy, man's gotta run a brothel to supplement his assistant principal gig. (That's a Johnny Cash reference, in case you were wondering.)

A judge tossed a hardcore Christian's lawsuit against his former company, saying the man had insufficient evidence to back up his claim to having been fired for refusing to join co-workers for a night out at a strip club.

Espresso Gone Wild will have to cover up or stop serving coffee in Washington state.

A woman in Tennessee won local office with the one and only vote in that race: her own.

You probably already heard, but just in case: Bernie Mac, 50, died over the weekend after a bout of pneumonia and Isaac Hayes was found dead at 65 near his still-running treadmill.

M.I.A. is taking some flack for her supposed support for a terrorist group.

And who the fuck makes a fuss about a pregnant woman being sexy? This is beyond stupid, even for a conservative-leaning country like England: customer complaints forced the female owner of a lingerie shop to remove a mannequin with a "baby bump."

She told BBC Look North: "It started with people looking in the window and making comments outside and they told me their points of view that they found it offensive.
"Other shop traders also told me that people were saying to them that it was offensive and that I should cover her up or move her.
"So I put a camisole on Emily and someone else made another comment, saying that they could still see the bump, so I put her in the corner of the shop away from the window."

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Scanner Emily Sends a Little Love to Her American Idol Homie

Emily Farris — Thu, 22 May 2008 12:51:00 GMT

We haven't watched American Idol since Kelly Clarkson stole our hearts six long seasons ago. But we must take a moment to show some love to the winner of Season 7, David Cook, who grew up about twelve minutes from Scanner Emily (we measure distance in driving minutes in the Midwest).

And considering we can't say that the suburbs of Kansas City, Missouri have the best reputation — though we did go to high school with Albert Pujols and our hometown is famous for Crystal Meth and Harry S. Truman — we're more than a little excited for Cook.

No, we didn't know the guy, but apparently we have some connections.

Actually, he's just about our age, so it's highly possible we made out with him at a party at some point, because we went to a lot of parties in Blue Springs. In fact, come to think of it, we still have an unpaid parking ticket there from '98. Shit.

Anyway... while we most likely didn't know the guy, Cook went to CMSU (Central Missouri State University), which has since changed its name to UMCO (University of Central Missouri), probably in-part due to the unfortunate reverse acronym "Call Me Stupid University." Yes, it has a reputation for being a party school, but it also has a very good performing arts program, where we (you guessed it) went to music camp four summers in a row.

Plus, we kind-of, sort-of, maybe happen to love this Aerosmith song from Armageddon. We were on a very rare dating roll when the movie was out and saw it with four different boys all while it was still in theater (on different nights, thank you very much). So this whole David Cook thing is like some strange ultra-cheesy homecoming experience for us.

Allow us to bask in it momentarily.

Ok, we're done.

Thanks.

Sloppy Seconds: Why Does Oprah Look So Scared?

Emily Farris — Fri, 02 May 2008 21:56:00 GMT

We're kind-of sad to report that the Marilyn Monroe sex tape has been "fully debunked" by the FBI, whatever that means. [Radar]

Maybe it's the band geek in us, but we got way too excited over this video of synchronized metronomes. [Didn'tYouHear?]

Uma Thurman's stalker says he "didn't mean to scare her." [Yahoo!]

Paula Abdul thinks no one understands her. Um, she's right. [People]

But not to worry, her job is safe. [MTV]

Tom Cruise and Oprah revisited the whole jumping on the couch thing today and she confessed to him, "I was a little nervous coming up this morning, I have to admit, because you and I have not sat down for a real conversation since the sofa incident.". [Us Weekly]

Caption This: Clay Aiken Uses His Straight Stick to Play in Clay

Emily Farris — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 17:38:00 GMT

[Image via gabbybabble.com]

While You Were Sleeping: Lindsay Lohan's "Secret Talent" Was Buried Forever

Emily Farris — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 13:17:00 GMT

Candi Spelling sympathized with Mommie Dearest. [Babble]

Someone translated Tom Cruise's crazy Scientologist video to German, then performed it. [MySpace]

Mischa Barton got three years probation for a DUI. [MTV]

Robert Van Winkle (a.k.a. Vanilla Ice) was arrested for domestic battery. [People]

Jessica Simpson decided to be super happy about little sister Ashlee's engagement to Pete Wentz. [US Weekly]

We briefly mistook Clay Aiken for Katie Couric. Sorry, Katie! [GabbyBabble]

Miley Cyrus went to the dentist. Some say veneers, we say bleaching. [OhNoTheyDidnt]

We, apparently, got really old. [Engadget]

CBS canceled a reality show we never would have watched, anyway, "Secret Talents of the Stars." [NYT]

Scary skinny Terri Hatcher performed a Carrie Underwood song on American Idol. If she weren't Terri Hatcher we might have thought it wasn't half bad.

Image via

Is it me, or is Brad Pitt not as hot as he used to be?

Emily Farris — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 18:39:00 GMT

And it's definitely not the dad thing; we get boners for men with strollers. Is it the goofy hat? The shaved head? Maybe it's the fact that he's on the American Idol stage (even if it is for charity)? It could just be that we strongly believe most men look better with facial hair.

Blood is nice, too. We prefer to remember Brad like this.

If you do think he looks sexy in that silly hat, you can catch him like that on Idol Gives Back, tonight at 7:30 on Fox.

[Idol Gives Back]

[Top image via popsugar.com]

This Week in Gayness: American Idol Is Queer

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 18:40:00 GMT

THIS WEEK IN GAYNESS

March 6, 2008:

The gay penguins book is back on elementary school bookshelves.

Soap opera fans are apparently so into gayness they'll raise a whole heap of stink when they don't see more of it.

"Do me a favor," coos Buffy the Vampire Slayer to her naked lover in a new comic, "Don't mention this to anyone." Scanner Bryan has more.

NASCAR is picking up some non-straight white male supporters, thanks in part to star driver Evan Darling. Seriously-- a gay man named Evan Darling? We didn't see his "coming out" coming, did we?

Great Britain is withdrawing three specific gay porn titles after questions were raised about the risks of unprotected sex. Jeez-- welcome to the 1980s, slowpokes.

Canada and the UK want to bump off homosexuals by deporting them to awful places like Iran, Malaysia, and Kansas City.

Canada is sure to welcome this tour: Cyndi Lauper, the B-52's and... Rosie O'Donnell?

Is America ready for a gay "American Idol"? Apparently, America has forgotten everything it never knew for sure about Clay Aiken.

As promised, the scary-ass video about the 2nd Amendment. It's by open-minded, Jesus-loving, open-armed, sweethearted gay bashers:

Sloppy Seconds: Kevin Federline Got Fat, If That's Really Kevin Federline

Emily Farris — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 22:14:00 GMT

US Weekly is reporting that Kevin Federline got fat, based on a picture of a dude who is very obviously not Kevin Federline.

Bjork made Chinese fans at a concert in Shanghai a little uncomfortable by shouting "Tibet! Tibet!" at the end of her song, "Declare Independence."

Not that we're entitled or anything, but we could use a weekly massage a lot more than Jennifer Lopez's new born twins. What do they have to be stressed out about, anyway? They have 600-thread-count sheets and fucking ponies.

Reducing time spent in front of the television makes children healthier and "less fat." You don't say?

Isn't it about time "American Idol" just turns into a strip competion? Are we over the singing part yet?

A scout for the Boston Red Sox was caught masturbating in a hotel room that overlooked a pool where teenage girls were swimming. We're going to assume he had the curtains open or something, because when one can no longer masturbate in a hotel room, what's the point of living?

Marry, F*ck or Kill?: American Idol Judges

Emily Farris — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 15:01:00 GMT

Last night's premiere of Season 7 of American Idol rolled out the red carpet for the good the bad, the ugly and the crazy.

And, oh what a night! There were drag queens, goth kids, jokers and one farm boy we're pretty sure we'd go to jail for looking at twice. And we're wiling to take that chance.

Ryan Seacrest may have had a homoerotic experience toward the end of the show, and it did not go unnoticed that Paula Abdul did not appear to be under the influence of anything.

But as always, the real stars of the show were the judges, Paula Abdul, Randy Jackson and Simon Cowell. So, which American Idol judge would you marry, fuck and kill?