Scanner : american apparel

Sloppy Seconds: Megan Fox Doesn't Need You To Take Her Seriously

Emily Farris — Mon, 11 May 2009 23:01:00 GMT

A man gave birth to his twin, Alien style. Sort of. [The Inquisitr]

Looks like Oprah is going to have a lot less shit on her show. Literally. Dr. Oz—her in-house medical professional who was all too excited to talk poo with Ms. Winfrey—is getting his own show. [Yahoo!]

When we were growing up we seriously thought that everyone in our hometown of Independence, MO was skinny and had bad teeth because they were poor. We know better now. But why is meth so prevalent in some regions and not in others? [FlavorWire]

Wanting to not appear so poor ourselves, at 17 we lied to get a credit card. That was the beginning of our own personal financial hell. This pre-paid Discover card might have done us some good... and probably still could. [Lifestyler]

Speaking of us being poor, don't forget you can buy our Missed Tee for a mere $13. We get 10% of every sale, plus what's not to love about dogs humping legs? [MissedTees]

In the mean time, we'll follow Suze Orman on Twitter. [Twitter]

"I don't want to have to be like a Scarlett Johansson — who I have nothing against," Megan Fox tells June's Esquire, "but I don't want to have to go on talk shows and pull out every single SAT word I've ever learned to prove, like, 'Take me seriously, I am intelligent, I can speak.' I don't want to have to do that. I resent having to prove that I'm not a retard — but I do. And part of it is my own fault." [Us]

Related:

Megan Fox Strips to Underwear for Esquire, Fancy New Camera

Sloppy Seconds: We Can All Stop Worrying About Swine Flu Now

I Owe You a Good Leg Humping

[Image]

I Owe You a Good Leg Humping

Emily Farris — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 16:17:00 GMT

Hey, Scanners. Thanks to all of your votes, my missed connection won the Missed Tees t-shirt contest, which means I'm $200 richer and I owe you a good leg humping. It also means you can buy my t-shirt, printed on American Apparel of course, at the ridiculously cheap price of $13 (see? everything is cheaper in the Midwest) and for the rest of eternity, I get 10% of every sale. So if you buy it, it's almost like you're my sugar daddy, or mama.

[Missed Tees]

Related:

"My dog humped your leg. I wanted to."

I Still Want to Hump Your Leg

Women vs. Sexy Sex Ads

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 22:30:00 GMT

Over the years, the Department of the Obvious has informed us that women are found to be turned off by advertisements with strong sexual content, such as American Apparel billboards or TV spots for those randy Teletubbies.

However, new research has shown there is one thing women of all ages respond to in sexy ads... and no, it's not peen...

The study, published this month in Journal of Consumer Research, finds that women respond more favorably to sexual ads when the item in the ad is described as a gift from a man to a woman. In addition, women have high positive responses to sexual ads that depict a committed and loving man — but not for those depicting a committed and loving woman. [Emphasis added.]

We're not sure we even wanted to know this. After all, isn't this kind of study-- and web reporting on it-- actually reinforcing stereotypes and encouraging advertisers to make the same type of simplistic ads over and over? Selfish women want a ring but not to have to be tied down, while, as the study goes on to say, selfish men don't want to buy women anything-- they just want to get laid. In fact, they responded negatively to ads suggesting sex should be received only after purchasing or somehow bartering something with a woman.

When viewing the sexual ads, women responded more favorably to the ad with the gift. However, men preferred the sexual ad without the gift. "Despite their steadfast support for sex-based advertising, we did find that men reacted negatively to sexually explicit ads when the ads strongly reminded men that they may, at times, devote monetary resources in pursuit of sexual contact," the authors wrote. [Live Science]

Yes, it seems we're in a vicious cycle, and advertising is only going to get more desperate... and obvious. For further proof, see the related section...

Related:

From Porn Stars To Prostitutes... The Latest Ads

Nude American Apparel Ads Aren't Going Away

Famous Girl Trying To Find Guy Who Lost His Jacket? Total Fraud

Nude American Apparel Ads Aren't Going Away

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 23:03:00 GMT

Just before the new year, we reported on the Sasha Grey full frontal American Apparel ad. Our post ended up being widely circulated, but no one pointed out to us that Sasha was kicking off a campaign of rampant nudity for the clothing manufacturer...

First, there was the European ad that preceded Sasha's foray into mainstream advertising, a layout we only just learned of today:

Here's the Sasha Grey ad we wrote about previously, calling it the extreme end of the advertising spectrum, for what else is there for marketing to try? Actual hardcore sex?

And the mysterious new ad. Can anyone tell us who this strangely anonymous lass is?

Sasha Grey Completely Naked in New American Apparel Ad

Scanner Emily's Top 10 Lessons Learned in 2008

Emily Farris — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 15:22:00 GMT

So this is 2009. So far, so good. We're going to use the next few days to accidentally write "2008" on everything and take a look back at the year that was. You can expect the top 10 Scanner posts of 2008 on Monday. But first, as promised, Scanner Emily's top 10 lessons learned in 2008, including—unfortunately—a repeat from last year. Seriously, how many times must we humiliate ourselves online before learning that drinking and Facebook do not mix?

10. Even when you think you're eating sort-of maybe healthily, you're not, you fat fuck.

9. Everyone has daddy issues, okay?

8. Always, always, always back-up what's on your computer (not that we've actually gotten around to it yet).

7. You can always go home.

6. Don't fool yourself into thinking the only way to get The Herp at summer camp is by making out with a hot co-counselor in the art barn. It is not. (And If you have to make jokes about being the oldest camp counselor in the history of the world, you just might be.)

5. It is possible to attend the costume party of your dreams and actually have a blast. If you have not yet experienced this, keep the dream alive and don't throw away those ruffly bloomers you've been holding on to for just such an occasion.

4. Whiskey will not make you a better roller skater. Well, it won't make you better at stopping, anyway.

3. Yellow tights are super unflattering and will get you weird looks even in the Bellevue emergency room.

2. Never, ever try to use The Facebook on your phoneputer while totally shit-faced drunk. (Yes, we thought we learned this one in 2007.)

1. If your ex-boyfriend asks if he can write an article about you for the local alternative weekly, say no.

Related:

Scanner Emily's Top 10 Lessons Learned in 2007

Five Things I Learned in Vegas

And They Said It Wouldn't Last

Scanner Emily's Burlesque Fantasy Comes True, Sort Of

Top 10 Ways to Avoid Becoming The Crazy Cat Lady

Top 10 Childish Things We Wish We Could Get Away With as Adults

Sasha Grey Completely Naked in New American Apparel Ad

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 16:56:00 GMT

We always wondered when advertisements would feature nothing but naked woman and the name of the product ("Cheerios, brought to you by a naked Heidi Klum in a barren studio.") We shouldn't have been surprised to see it happening so soon, and with Sasha Grey and American Apparel the culprits...

The above and below photos play in an even-more NSFW version on a blog promoting American Apparel ads. The only indication they are an ad at all (and not a flash version of one of Grey's pornos) is the American Apparel logo at the end... and the fact that she is wearing yellow socks... in two of the shots...

According to this blog, written by Nerve's own Susannah Breslin, which has the fullest version of the Flash ad, the photo shoot was done by the same woman responsible for this memorable billboard:

Related:

More Olga Kurylenko Nude Photos Surface

The Gamer Next Door Models Your Last-Minute Gifts

Better Than Porn: Whiskerino

Top 5 Sex Scenes From... 2007

Sloppy Seconds: The Body Found Outside of Paula Abdul's Home

Emily Farris — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 22:05:00 GMT

American Apparel is back in this news, this time because an employee was fired after he refused to inflate figured on the company's balance sheet. [WSJ]

With the economy sucking your bank account dry, would you consider "donating" an egg for $8,000? [The Frisky]

Say what you will about those naughty Miley Cyrus pictures for Vanity Fair; Annie Leibovitz doesn't give a fuuuck. [Jezebel]

Us Weekly seems to be a little uncomfortable dealing with the fact that Lindsay Lohan called Barack Obama "colored." [Us]

The body of a suspected stalker was found dead in her car outside of Paula Abdul's Los Angeles home. [People]

[Image]

Sloppy Seconds: Palin on Oprah, Will She or Won't She?

Emily Farris — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 21:26:00 GMT

~~Mary~~ Nancy Wilson of Heart feels "completely fucked over" after the Republicans used the band's Barracuda as a theme song for Sarah Palin during the RNC. Wilson's sister and bandmate, Ann, chimed in: "Sarah Palin’s views and values in NO WAY represent us as American women. We ask that our song ‘Barracuda’ no longer be used to promote her image. The song ‘Barracuda’ was written in the late 70s as a scathing rant against the soulless, corporate nature of the music business, particularly for women." [Wonkette]

That's no matter, because John McCain's RNC speech had 500,000 more viewers than Obama's. Okay, so it's a difference of 38.4 million viewers (Obama) to 38.8 million viewers, but we all know what difference half a million votes can make (not that everyone who watched the RNC will vote for McCain). [Huffington Post]

Is this scary-ass Barbie doll really worth $100,000? Apparently so. [The Sun]

Um, if you're going to ride a mechanical bull, you might get hurt. Apparently there should be some kind-of waiver for this. [Daily News]

We're having a hard time believing that the 24 most eye-catching American Apparel ads couldn't have made it all the way to 25. [Debonair]

Vince Young's sausage taste's great. [Deadspin]

Oprah has made it clear that she has no intention of having Sarah Palin on her show, at least until after the election is over (which, honestly, we think is kind-of shitty... Oprah could at least give Palin the James Frey treatment). But, we get where she's coming from: "At the beginning of this presidential campaign when I decided that I was going to take my first public stance in support of a candidate, I made the decision not to use my show as a platform for any of the candidates," Winfrey, who was an early backer of Barack Obama, says in a statement to TMZ.com. "I agree that Sarah Palin would be a fantastic interview, and I would love to have her on after the campaign is over," she adds. "There has been absolutely no discussion about having Sarah Palin on my show." [Us]

Scanner Highs and Lows: Strippin' The Night Awaaaay

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 20:41:00 GMT

Strippers melted our hearts, got arrested, ran the bases with us, and earned some money for charity. Meanwhile, the celebrities just didn't seem as scandalously delicious as usual...

Highs:

We had an intelligent discussion about running the bases. Thankfully, it had nothing to do with A-Rod.

Is there such a thing as a GILF?

7/11 gave away Slurpees today, did you get one?

Patton Oswalt melted Scanner Nicole's snarky little heart.

These breasts basically baffled readers of all ages.

This girl stripped for earthquake relief. Or fame. Whichever.

Batman would've totally crushed on this chick.

And we wrapped up our sexiest albums list with the Top 10 and #1.

Lows:

American Apparel once again used troubled young women (i.e. porn stars) to sell clothes.

No one explained the brum thing to us.

These girls gave pageants a bad name, which is kind of redundant.

This video just creeped us out, although for some, the mere idea of childbirth orgasms was creepy enough.

We learned more about Mini Me's sex tape. More than we eeevver want to know.

We got banned from Digg for showing you this middle-aged convicted Congresswoman's giant boobs.

Sloppy Seconds: American Apparel's Latest Porn Star Pick

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 20:46:00 GMT

Want an explanation of the finale of the Sopranos? Too bad, David Chase isn't going to make a movie, sources say.

The overhyped/underwhelming Christie Brinkley/Peter Cook divorce trial has ended in a settlement. Now, can Hollywood please send us a real scandal for a change?

Best or worst excuse ever? Check out France's First Lady, Carla Bruni, on why her belly appears to be growing...

The model-turned-songstress says she "would certainly like to be pregnant" but is not. If her tummy has grown, it is because she enjoys an occasional beer.

Perhaps they've finally discovered Nerve: according to the Washington Post, seniors are turned on and acting on it now more than ever.

American Apparel hired another porn star. Surprisingly, it's not Julia Allison.

Karl Rove may be heading for another legal problem after her refused to testify in Congress. The Democrats could hold him in contempt, which is apparently a new thing for them.

Another country club is in trouble, this time in Phoenix, for refusing to separate the sexes. Alice Cooper allegedly had no problems eating his fried bat without any groupies present.

In a bid to offset the poor attention spans of most American TV viewers, NBC has decided it needs a webseries to introduce a new superhero to "Heroes," rather than try to work him in to the regular season. Check out the details here. Or ignore them and just stare at the above photo of Hayden, who has no part in the webisodes.

Don't forget, folks, tomorrow is Chick-Fil-A's free chicken dinner. There is a stipulation, though: you have to come dressed as a cow. We recommend the following outfit:

Thanks, Bianca!

American Apparel Now Officially Wants to Sex You Up... All Night

Emily Farris — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 17:16:00 GMT

American Apparel has been not - so- subtly selling sex for the past few years, going so far as to use porn stars as models (see Sasha Grey, right). But really, when it came down to it, the company was using sex to sell clothes.

Apparently they've given up on all that cotton-polyester blend bullshit and are now, officially, selling sex.

But not just sex — vintage, old-school sex.

That's right, kids. American Apparel is now selling the Hitachi Magic Wand, lovingly known as "the Cadillac of Vibrators."

Yeah, if this thing wore clothes it would be a grey V-neck and brown track shorts, with a big, gold chain, of course.

And surprisingly, American Apparel is selling it cheaper than Babeland.

We just called our local American Apparel and, unfortunately, they don't yet carry the Magic Wand in the store. Too bad, we were hoping to snap a shot of hipsters with Hitachis. Maybe we can still get a hipster hand job?

[Street Carnage: AMERICAN APPAREL NOW SELLING THE HITACHI MAGIC WAND, THE CADILLAC OF VIBRATORS]

(Thanks, Emily M!)

Did Anyone Else Get an A*shole With Their Most Recent American Apparel Purchase?

Woody Allen Sues American Apparel For Exposing His Jewish Heritage

American Apparel Trades Sex For Politics

D-Day For Dov Charney

Hey Everybody, I Just Pummeled My Vagina!

Video of the Day: sexyATTACK

Emily Farris — Fri, 02 May 2008 16:12:00 GMT

We can't think of anything we'd rather be doing right now than getting dressed up in American Apparel clothes and re-enacting Eric Prydz’ "Call on Me" music video in the dairy section of a Kroger in Texas. If anyone would like to arrange a sexyATTACK crew in the greater New York area, do let us know. Not only were we on the drill team in high school ("The Indianettes"), we acquired the nickname "PT" for "pelvic thrust," so these moves should be a piece of cake for us.

Original video, which we're pretty sure inspired all of American Apparel's advertising, after the jump. But be warned, it's barely safe for work.

More sexyATTACK videos, including the dancers getting busted at Kroger and some dance practices at sexyATTACK.

(Thanks, Frank!)

Porn Star or American Apparel Model?

Emily Farris — Thu, 01 May 2008 15:44:00 GMT

With porn becoming more mainstream and American Apparel becoming more pornographic, we were inspired to invent a fun new game in which we show you a picture of a woman and you tell us if she's a porn star or an American Apparel model.

That's porn star Sasha Grey, who Scanner Bryan showed us earlier this week and who appeared in the Roots' video Birthday Girl.

Except, wait, apparently she's also an American Apparel model. That's her, right? Damn, we lose. But American Apparel wins. Maybe they should just use porn stars for all of their ads.

Check out This Recording's interview with Grey (full of SFW pictures).

Woody Allen Sues American Apparel For Exposing His Jewish Heritage

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 15:30:00 GMT

Woody Allen is suing American Apparel for a billboard that steals an image of him for their own nefarious purposes.

As other sources have pointed out, AA usually gets served for its founder's constant sexual harassment of staff members and models and for his hilariously bad taste. This time, it's for an ad above a Los Angeles K & K's Donuts, seen below.

Dov Charney, the company's founder, is caught up in a number of lawsuits, including one in which three female employees are named as plaintiffs.

The suits follow a bizarre article last year in the women's magazine Jane. Charney was described as engaging in oral sex with a female employee and masturbating in front of the reporter. Charney doesn't deny taking part in any of the activities described in the article. He says he befriended the writer over the course of the two months it took her to research the piece. "I've never done anything sexual that wasn't consensual," Charney says. The reporter, Claudine Ko, confirmed his take on events to BusinessWeek.

Clearly the dude knows nothing about interviews and PR: never steal a celebrity's image and call him "The Ultimate Rabbi" (or whatever you think the translation is for the text on the billboard), as it may ruin his career if he's connected to the Jewish Hollywood Elite, and never, ever get blown in front of a newspaper reporter.

Getting blown in front of a paparazzi? Well, now... that's just good business.

Photo via Curbed. Stolen photo of Woody Allen via "Annie Hall."

Did Anyone Else Get an A*shole With Their Most Recent American Apparel Purchase?

Emily Farris — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 20:42:00 GMT

We could do an entire series of "I Hate Myself for Loving You: American Apparel Clothes," but we won't. We'll just cop to shopping there. However, we had to stop and consider why after a recent t-shirt purchase. When we got home, we noticed that the not-so-friendly American Apparel employes had stuffed a complimentary AA 2008 calendar in our bag—which wouldn't have been so bad had June 19 not featured an asshole.

If you're dying to have an asshole hanging on your own wall (along side some Hasidic Jews, see August 15 above), you can purchase the American Apparel 2008 poster calendar for $3.00 here.

American Apparel Trades Sex For Politics

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 20:09:00 GMT

Wink, wink.

Although we've covered this subject before, any excuse to pun about sex and politics without invoking Lewinsky is an opportunity not to be passed by.

Dov Charney, the allegedly sexist/mysoginist/craziest owner of American Apparel, has released a new statement and poster attacking US Immigration policy. According to Javno, the two workers pictured above are from Guatemala and work in the store's L.A. ~~sweatshop~~ factory. Charney famously closed down production so all his workers could join the massive pro-immigration rally in May 2006.

There's no question of his commitment to ~~sex~~ the pro-immigration movement, but can we still despise him in spite of his good works?

Check out these memorable American Apparel moments and lets us know what you think:

D-Day For Dov Charney

Bryan Christian — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 19:32:00 GMT

We can't help but wonder whether, in the inevitable tell all bio, today will be remembered as the beginning of the end for Dov Charney, the creepy and shameless overlord of the thriving American Apparel empire. For today is the beginning of his very first sexual harassment trial.

In a deposition, Charney "absolutely" admits to calling women "sluts" and the female genitalia c-word, because, you know, it's "endearing." "There is no evidence to say that you can't walk around in your underwear all day anywhere in the United States of America," he testified.

Hmmm... we're no legal experts or anything, but we would classify this strategy as being a) unsurprising and b) unbefreakinglievable. The big question is: will it work? Is he gonna ride unapologetic bravado right out of the courtroom? We figure he'll try -- it's a civil trial, so if he loses, it'll only be cash out of his pockets (should he actually be wearing pants). But even if he wins the actual trial, if enough dirt comes out... (Guess that's why two other suits have been settled out of court.)

Well, what do y'all think?

Santa Got Back

Emily Farris — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 20:37:00 GMT

As mentioned on Friday, we had our first experience with Santacon this weekend. We opted for not-so-slutty American Apparel Elf, and quickly learned that we were in-no-way-at-all slutty, and we were absolutely not that girl ("that girl" was wearing a teensy-weensy skirt and a candy cane hat and we saw her make out with at least four different guys in one hour). Maybe if we'd dressed a little sluttier we would have made out with even just one (not that we didn't get a few offers from some smelly, slurring Santas).

To give you a sense of what Santacon was like, and spread some holiday cheer, here's a video taken early in the day, before the real mayhem began. All you need to know is: kids and Santas rapping "Baby Got Back." And you can stop watching after the first minute or two (pretty anti-climactic) but if you watch to the end, you'll learn that the kid is looking for a date and that everyone there was a "fat ho'."

What's Red, White and Drunk All Over?

Emily Farris — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 14:57:00 GMT

Why it's Santatcon, the biggest Santa convention, probably, ever. And that's where you'll find us tomorrow. Well, no, you most likely won't find us among the 500 or so drunk Santas, but that shouldn't stop you from looking. Unless you're a creepy stalker, in that case, it should stop you from looking. And if you're not in New York you can find a Santacon near you.

This will be our first year participating in Santacon so we're still debating between stuffed-sweats Santa or slutty-American-Apparel Santa. Decisions, decisions.

Photo from nycmstar's flickr.