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What Country Has The Most Women Wearing DD Bras?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 18:10:00 GMT

We're betting you were going to guess "the United States of America" right off the bat. Don't.

According to a variety of sources, the average bra in the US is a B Cup, more specifically a 34B. (In a widely circulated survey in 2005, Americans were found to be wearing more B cups than C cups, 44% to 28%, and more A cups than D cups, 15% to 10%.)

If you were going to say the United Kingdom has the most double D's, guess again...

The winner of our unofficial and unscientific survey is... Australia!

Up to 40 per cent of Australian women now buy bras with a cup size of DD or higher, new figures from lingerie suppliers show.

In the 1950s, the most common bra-cup size was a B - three sizes less than a DD.

Modern breasts are getting so large that some bra companies have introduced cup sizes as high as K, The Sunday Telegraphreports.
...sales of DD-plus bras have grown from about 20 per cent of sales to 28 per cent in just five years.

The best line of the whole story explains that boobs are growing because of The Pill and artificial hormones... but, of course, because of obesity, as well. If that's the case, we have to wonder why the World's Fattest Country hasn't enlarged its average cup size.

Meanwhile, a local surgeon says his breast reduction schedule has doubled in recent years.

"There's no question that because the population is bigger their breasts are bigger as well, because it's all fatty tissue.

"As women get older the amount of fatty tissue increases, and also the proportion of fat increases."

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While You Were Sleeping: The Fox News Child Porn Bust

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 14:08:00 GMT

If the grading system had been abandoned at our high schools, we might have gotten into some better universities.

PJ Harvey is coming to America! Who's buying us a ticket?

Who is Hollywood's most bankable star? Will Smith, followed by a host of males: Johnny Depp, Leonardo DiCaprio, Brad Pitt, and-- well-- Brad Pitt's significant other.

Male police officers were punished for taking pictures of themselves at a sizeable party-- each cop was naked and holding a firearm.

Hillary Clinton is bored, wants you to e-mail her. Send her some Scanner links, see what happens.

Have you guys been following the Duff-Dunaway feud? Us neither.

And the Fox News producer arrested for possession of child porn was actually arrested ten years ago for the same crime, and subsequently dropped out of college in Michigan because of it.

So Lap Dances Aren't Acceptable at High School Basketball Games?

Museum Erotica Might Be the Economy's Next Victim

Scanner Roundtable: If Gay Marriage Is Legal, What About Polygamy?

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 15:14:00 GMT

The question posed by our headline is the very question the United Provinces of Canadia is dealing with today, thanks to a case involving the practice that is heating up in the country's courts. Two men linked to Warren Jeffs, the nutso Utah sect leader, currently facing serious jail time, are each of accused of having multiple wives.

Their argument is simple...

Blackmore’s lawyer, Blair Suffredine, said during a telephone interview that marriage standards in Canada have changed.
“If (homosexuals) can marry, what is the reason that public policy says one person can’t marry more than one person?” said Suffredine, a former provincial lawmaker. Canada’s Parliament extended full marriage rights to same-sex couples in 2005. [Canoe]

Before you go and get all excited, remember this: we are creeped out by these Jeffian cultists as much as the next person, but should we promote gay marriage while also saying, "Oh, but yeah... we don't condone that totally medieval practice?" Are we any better than those wacko Republicans who claim gay marriage in America will open the floodgates for people to marry their pet snakes, underage relatives with eight heads, and horny lepers.

P.S. Ironically, it was one gay couple's battles with the legal system reminded them of what polygamists must go through, and that thinking led to their HBO series Big Love.

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Ex-Prostitutes In South Korea Have A Bone To Pick With Us

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 14:40:00 GMT

Kim Ae-ran is a fifty-eight-year-old former prostitute living in South Korea. She's been reading in the news about how her country is seeking apologies and other reparations from the government of Japan and it's been pissing her off. Not because she disagrees-- she just thinks the U.S. government's involvement in her country's underworld should be addressed as well.

“Our government was one big pimp for the U.S. military,” she says, and that's just the beginning...

Today's New York Times features a story on women who were tools of the South Korean government, which they accuse of boosting prostitution in the country in order to stabilize the economy and keep the Americans satiated.

The Korean police would then detain the prostitutes who were thought to be ill, the women said, locking them up under guard in so-called monkey houses, where the windows had bars. There, the prostitutes were forced to take medications until they were well.
The women... compared themselves to the so-called comfort women who have won widespread public sympathy for being forced into prostitution by the Japanese during World War II. Whether prostitutes by choice, need or coercion, the women say, they were all victims of government policies.

A woman, identified only as "Bae" in the above and other photographs, is 80-years-old, living on welfare and off of an oxygen machine. Her loose collective seeks compensation and an official apology, which we doubt will come anytime soon...

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While You Were Sleeping: Paris Hilton Is Not A Slut

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 14:06:00 GMT

Doctors have figured out how to prevent a large number of miscarriages.

Mickey Rourke and Sam Rockwell are in talks to play villains in Iron Man 2.

If Jeremy Piven turns out to have lied about his mercury poisoning, he could be in deep sheeeeiittt:

According to the New York Post, many involved with the production are pushing to have Piven's high mercury claims examined by a non-musclebound, non-teevee doctor, and they're hoping the result may "squeeze some money out of him."

[U]nder the Actors' Equity contract, the producers are entitled to have Piven's medical records examined by another doctor. If they suspect fraud, they can sue him. [Defamer]

Scarlett Johansson wants to open a brothel... in a movie.

Paris Hilton claims she's only slept with a few guys. In other news, "a few" is now "less than eight hundred."

Isn't there anyone besides Nicole Richie who could star in the Gossip Girl season finale?

Guy Ritchie's heist movies have such brilliant robbery ideas, these dudes decided to plagiarize one.

And Oklahoma introduced legislation to prohibit the teaching of evolution in schools. You'll know America has emerged from the dark ages when laws start getting passed that prevent anything besides evolution from being taught as possible fact.

And Ione Skye (star of Say Anything and River's Edge) and Ben Lee (ex-boyfriend of Claire Danes) married in India.

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Dad Uses Cheapo Supplements To Treat Daughter's Infected Heart, Girl Nearly Dies

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 17:52:00 GMT

When she was admitted to the hospital, one Australian girl was described by a doctor as "the sickest girl I've ever seen" and was running a temperature of 42 degrees Celsius. (For those of you keeping score in crazy America land, that would be about 107 degrees Fahrenheit.) Her mouth was peeling, black, and she could barely breathe thanks to her throat being stuffed with pills.

Now that she's confined to a wheelchair and suffering from brain damage, the eleven-year-old girl's father is off to six months in prison. But what is his crime?

According to various sources, it's not stuffing the pills down her throat or even waiting so long to take her to a doctor. It's the fact that he used alternative medicine-- in the form of widely discredited supplements called Mannatech, which aren't even supposed to treat anything. They're basically vitamins, according to the product's official website, which notes the pill is designed to optimize "skin, weight [loss], physical fitness and general health." When the girl's mother learned of her ex-husband's drug of choice, she decided not to intervene, lest he attempt to take away her custody.

Dad's lack of understanding of basic medicine, however, does not explain why he didn't take her to the hospital when her condition grew grave. The media is forgetting that it isn't the alternative medicine that's the biggest culprit here-- it's the parents' neglect. And before you say it's all Daddy's fault (he is mostly to blame, to be sure), let's not forget Mom worrying more about what's best for her and not gambling a bit of future paternity to intervene with, say, the police.

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You Lucky Londoners Get To See The Transvestite Mexican Midget Wrestling Match

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 17:57:00 GMT

How often do you get to see transvestite little people in wolverine masks beating the Christ out of each other in a famed British theater?

The Roundabout in ol' Camden town is trumpeting the return of lucha libre wrestling, which you know of from that ridiculous Jack Black movie. The matches begin Saturday night and continue through Tuesday, with tickets to see "Cassandra" selling out in a hurry...

After football (bizarrely known as "soccer" in America), lucha libre is the second-favorite sport of Mexico, which may explain why we haven't heard of it here. If it works, Americans don't want anything to do with it-- like the metric system and universal healthcare. Then again, most countries, including ours, wouldn't know what to make of Cassandra(o), who, according to the Sun, enters the ring in a woman's bathing suit and pantyhose.

In an interview he gave to the paper nearly two decades after coming out in the heavily-Catholic country, Cassandra looked back on a glorious career:

“When I first walk down the aisle, to go to the ring, people start whistling at me, calling me names and saying: ‘What is that?’ But once they see me doing my Lucha Libre, they forget about the gay thing. In fact after the match they bow at me and even ask for kisses and hugs! It proves that you should never judge before you actually meet somebody.”

Godspeed, Cassandra, godspeed... and good luck against "Lubito!"

Middle photo via Getty Images.

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The 15 Most Promiscuous Countries

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 15:18:00 GMT

USA! USA! USA!

Not this time... and that's a welcome change. After all, aren't you beyond bored with the perennial sex surveys that trash our Puritan nation's filthy, condom-buying pervs? Not this time: suck it, Australia, Germany, and the rest!

But not literally, of course, since we're prudes compared to you guys...

Here are the Top 15, according to research published in this week's New Scientist by a professor at Bradley University:

1. United Kingdom

2. Germany

3. Netherlands

4. Czech Republic

5. Australia

6. USA

7. France

8. Turkey

9. Mexico

10. Canada

11. Italy

12. Poland

13. Spain

14. Greece

15. Portugal

The survey queried 14,000 people in 48 countries on their life's worth of sex partners and one night stands, plus a respondent's general attitude toward casual sex and getting it on in general. Particularly interesting is this excerpt from a story about this story in the Times:

The high scores in many Baltic and eastern European states might be linked, Schmitt said, to the fact that women outnumber men and so are under more pressure to conform to what men want in order to find a mate. In Asian countries, by contrast, men tend to outnumber women slightly, so it is men who have to conform.

That doesn't sound very scientific to us, but we'll take it...

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Merry Christmas... From the KKK?

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 17:43:00 GMT

What does that look like to you?

You wouldn't be the first to say: "burning cross." However, as Gizmodo points out, it's actually a 210-LED light holiday cross from the American Family Association and not at all affiliated with the KKK. Not at all...

As the season for joy nears, people are already getting ready for their Xmas lighting decoration. And if you are a store manager at the American Family Association, that means a burning cross in your doorstep. Because nothing says "Let's celebrate Jesus' birthday" better than the symbol of his dead in glowing LED glory, 210 of them. [Gizmodo]

Who the hell came up with this? Doesn't the AFA focus group all their new products? Wait, never mind... the problem is that they probably did market test this cross and it was give the A-OK by Middle Americans...

More scariness here.

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How The World Watches Porn Now

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 19:14:00 GMT

Elmhurst, Illinois, you perverts!

Today, we were alerted to Internet Pornography Statistics, a website devoted to compiling mildly outdated info on how the world searches for porn.

Among its most interesting revelations: China makes billions more on porn than the United States does...

1) China made $27.41 billion from porn in 2006, while the United States made $13.33 billion. (The US still beats the Chinese in the per capita category by 17 billion dollars.)

2) These figures are striking:

Every second - $3,075.64 is being spent on pornography

Every second - 28,258 internet users are viewing pornography [only 28K?!]

Every second - 372 Internet users are typing adult search terms into search engines

Every 39 minutes: a new pornographic video is being created in the United States

...especially the part about every 39 minutes. Obviously, this doesn't include sex tapes, which are created every 14 minutes by celebrities.

3) The American city with the most searches for "porn": Elmhurst, IL, followed by Stockton, CA and Meriden, CT.

4) The top search phrase in the porn category was the word "sex." Surprisingly, "adult dating" was second and "porn" a distant third, with a 3% drop from 2005. We wonder what's #1 now? "Kim Kardashian ass," perhaps?

5) More females searched for the terms "Adult dating," "teen sex," and "free sex" than guys did. "Adult dating" and "adult sex" seem to be the search terms females use the most and the percentage of women in each category (18-24, 50+, etc.) spread almost evenly across the spectrum.

6) Guys and girls agree on a few things: the search terms "XXX," "Group sex," "Sex ads," "Sexy," and "Sex chat" were used almost evenly among men and women. There is some hope for us after all...

Read the rest here, via Internet Filter Review.

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Playboy's Presidential Sex Quiz A Welcome Distraction From Boring Obama Stories

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 18:40:00 GMT

The first U.S. president known to have been caught cheating on his wife was James Garfield. After finding out about the smutty letters he had written to an 18 year-old New York woman named Calhoun, his wife accused him of:

A. “abusing the executive privilege”
B. “sloppy penmanship, atrocious grammar and poor syntax”
C. “lawless passion”
D. “getting jiggy with that tenement trash”

And so it begins, Playboy's excellent time-waster on sex and the Presidents of the United States... find out the answer to this and several other quiz questions, after the jump...

TMI, Gennifer, TMI! Oh wait, this is William J. Clinton we're talking about here... do continue...

“I’ve had more women by accident than he’s had on purpose.”

A. George W. Bush about his dad
B. George H.W. Bush about his son
C. Lyndon Johnson about JFK
D. Franklin D. Roosevelt about Hitler

“Are you prepared for the storm of lovemaking with which you will be assailed?”

A. Martin Van Buren to a stranger in the next toilet stall
B. John F. Kennedy to Marilyn Monroe
C. Woodrow Wilson to Ellen Wilson
D. George Washington to Martha Washington

Check out the rest here... and let us know how you did... and by the way, if you didn't know the identity of the President rumored to have a four-year gay relationship (Abraham Lincoln), we don't even know what to say...

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This Week in Gayness: Ellen vs. the Bigots

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 16:21:00 GMT

Nutjob of the Century anti-gay activist Janet Porter actually believes Barack Obama will name Bill Ayers to the Department of Homeland Security and that his wife Michelle will read about the Weather Underground to schoolchildren. Do you think these people actually believe these complete exaggerations and lies or are they just trying to win at any cost?

In troubled times, the homeless suffer the most. In George Bush's America, the gay homeless suffer the most.

The internets wish there was more to this story of Gwyneth Paltrow agreeing to "help" Madonna get over Guy Ritchie...

A decade ago this headline would have been a lot hotter: Gwyneth Paltrow says she's "helping" Madonna get over Guy Ritchie. [Fark]

The New York Times thinks the Connecticut gay marriage fight will come down a fight at the constitutional level.

And you just knew Ellen Degeneres and Portia De Rossi would make a video to fight Proposition 8.

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Gonzo Porn Director Slapped With 4 Years In Prison By Un-American Tampa Court

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 16:46:00 GMT

"I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it."
- from The Friends of Voltaire by Evelyn Beatrice Hall, 1906

The US District Court in Tampa, Florida appears to have forgotten the lessons of the above quote, Lenny Bruce, and the First Amendment to the United States Constitution: on Friday, they sentenced the disgusting, misogynistic, violent, and downright horrible pornographer Max Hardcore (real name Paul Little) to a three years and ten months in prison, a case of gross injustice if there ever was one. The stock market crashes, we may actually elect McCain-Palin, and the national debt is soaring, but the real problem here is our inability to see how all this is leading to a degradation in our collective sanity...

Let's look at the facts: Paul Little made sickening, perverted, and borderline child-porn films featuring women being pissed and puked on, for starters. (No, let's stop there, it doesn't improve from there.) The point isn't what he did-- it's what he didn't do. He didn't do anything that invalidates his First Amendment rights to free speech. He didn't rape children or even film children naked. He was convicted of obscenity, which, if we're not mistaken, is basically the same charges that drove Lenny Bruce to his doom. And would anyone today deny Lenny Bruce's routines were protected speech?

As Slate put it:

“So, to recap, in the Land of the Free: if you’re an adult who produces a film using other consenting adults, for the entertainment of still other consenting adults, which merely depicts fictional acts of humiliation and degradation, the DOJ will prosecute you and send you to prison for years."

There's another issue here: why was a California resident, who does his business solely within the state, prosecuted in Florida? Most believe it's because local law in Florida is less kind to the porn people, making it easier to charge and convict Little. (We have yet to hear another rational explanation for the trial's venue.) Of course, we're sure Little will appeal this to the highest levels, although by the time it gets there, we may have a McCain-Palin Supreme Court passing judgment on morality and the Constitution...

Read more here. Thanks to Jeff for the link. UPDATED: For some reason, the quote at the top was deleted after the jump...

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While You Were Sleeping: Is The CW Finished?

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 13:23:00 GMT

A DNC member and prominent backer of Hillary Clinton will endorse John McCain today.

Here's why some men think "yes" when they hear "no." Not that we're siding with the men on this one...

Eva Mendes claims to have had sex in just about all of the 50 States. How did this mindblowing feat come to pass without our knowledge (and involvement)?

The Hitch star admits she took a raunchy road trip across the country when she was younger and managed to have a sexual encounter in nearly every one of the different states.
She says, "I've had sex in all 50 states. A lot of it was on a road trip I took when I was younger."
And Mendes admits that her best experiences took place in Arizona and Colorado, adding: "Maybe it was the clean air."

Vote for Miss St. Pauli Girl-- it's the only vote you'll have this year that might actually count.

Paris Hilton is denying the naysayers their day: contrary to popular opinion, the socialite has been seen hanging out with the winner of her upcoming reality show, My New BFF. Of course, she could be totally making it all up.

A woman tried to poison her roommate, a la Wedding Crashers, with eye drops in his drink, nearly murdering him. Her punishment? She had to pay his hospital bills.

Even with Gossip Girl and One Tree Hill, the CW is probably doomed.

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If There's One Way to Make The Tragedy of 9/11 Worse, This is It

Emily Farris — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 19:58:00 GMT

Remember earlier today when we said we wanted to forget that it's the seventh anniversary of the World Trade Center terrorist attacks? Well, ladies and gentlemen, artwork like this is why.

After the jump: "free fries for your suffering" and "like a Jesus rising up from the ashes."

More pain and suffering at Wonkette.

Sloppy Seconds: Hillary Clinton's Latest Theory

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 21:00:00 GMT

Women in Nigeria are walking naked in the streets to protest the questionable circumstances surrounding a monarch's death.

Two wrestlers from the University of Nebraska are under investigation after it was reported they are both gay porn stars.

Some dudes in Sweden have lodged formal complaints against pharmacies that sell sex toys, complaining that most of these shops discriminate against men with their female-focused stock. Wait, they have sex toys in pharamacies over there? Hell, you can't even buy Plan B at pharmacies in the States!

Did John McCain copy his speech today from Wikipedia?

Salma Hayek is planning a wedding reality show. Judging by how few people cared about our post about her singledom, the show should do real fine...

Selma Blair thinks Americans are deluded.

Hillary's team's 845th theory as to why they lost: the media's lack of investigation into the Edwards affair rumors when they first surfaced.

And Daniel Craig may be getting married. Although since when does a man buying champagne mean he's getting married and not a very lucky, soon-to-be-drunk friend?

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China Rebrands With... Death Star 2.0?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 14:04:00 GMT

China launched its plan for world domination on Friday with a swarm of drummers, dancers and flying levitating corporate logos meant to hypnotize every human on the planet.

Billed “One World, One Dream” by the time they beat us into submission with their 18000-strong storm trooper synchronized drumming, the planet was too enraptured to worry about the Death Star rising from the stadium depths.

Not to be left out, global corporations will play a major role in the New World Order. Telecom giant AT&T is limiting communications, Google is censoring the Internet, and Nike will expand its program to enslave our young people. Nike has also struck a deal to finally outfit the global population with those silver jumpsuits we were promised so many decades ago.

Our world leaders were also on hand to grace China’s takeover. President Bush and others waved feebly to our nation’s young elites as they marched proudly to their doom dressed as, well, our nation’s young elites.

To ensure complete submission, event organizers even enlisted the Voice of God to give His blessing and reassure the masses of our Dear Leader’s Benevolence. It is hoped that with so much entertainment the world will not pay too much attention phase II of “One World One Dream", which began simultaneously with much less fanfare but just as many fireworks in Georgia.

With this New World Order in place China is also hoping to expand its prison, science and citizen disappearance programs, which in the least would give our local Bodies exhibit a little more variety.

Photo via Dead Spin.

-written by Byron Dafoe, who is filling in for Verena this week

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Infamous Naked Lady To Parade Topless On July 4th

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 15:01:00 GMT

Jen Moss, local celebrity in Ashland, Oregon, is planning to express her constitutional right to go topless in public during the town's 4th of July parade next month. However, she's running into stiff opposition (no pun intended.)

Moss has been known as "The Naked Lady" since she moved to Ashland in May from Ojai, Calif., drawn by the town's nudity laws. They specify only that people must cover their genitalia in a city park or the downtown commercial district, which means Moss need not cover her breasts.

Of course, the local Chamber of Commerce will ignore this law and the Bill of Rights and do whatever it takes to prevent Moss from parading on a bicycle, "wearing only a hemp G-string and blowing a conch shell."

"We don't feel that someone in the parade who is topless or nearly naked is appropriate for a family audience. She's welcome on any other day of the year to do that. But not on the Fourth of July while in the parade," parade chairman James Kidd was quoted.

Ahh... the Founding Fathers fought for naught, huh?

We'll keep you posted on the outcome. In the meantime, see this and this story for more on Jen Moss.

Why Does This Cute Old Man Have Three Guns?

Emily Farris — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 14:22:00 GMT

Duh. Because he has cancer.

"When I was diagnosed with cancer I found myself and my family in need of protection. I was too old to fight, too sick to run, and since cancer took my vocal cords, I couldn't yell for help. I purchased my first ever firearm."

Hm. What about Life Alert? Shouldn't every senior citizen have Life Alert? Since he's cute—and sick, and old—we'll move on to Jessica. What's her excuse?

"I'm just one little girl in the world."

Thanks, Jessica. That's exactly what young girls need to hear: women are powerless and guns will make us powerful. To each her own, we guess, but it's this picture that really disturbs us:

Caption this?

We grew up in a place where people were often shot randomly on the street and we were all but forced to fire a shotgun for a Girls' Scout badge, so we're not exactly fans. But some people luuurve their firearms, and they have their reasons. We even understand there are a few good arguments out there for civilians owning guns for purposes other than hunting, not that we agree with any of them.

If you're interested to find out why Americans own guns—even if you just want to laugh and point or roll your eyes in despair—check out "Armed America: Portraits of Gun Owners in Their Homes."

[Armed America via Didn't You Hear?]

(Yes, we know it came out in 2007 and you may have already seen it, but we thought the five year-ish anniversary of the Iraq War was as good a time as any to share.)

	Every second* - $3,075.64 is being spent on pornography*
	Every second - 28,258* internet users are viewing pornography* [only 28K?!]
	Every second - 372* Internet users are typing adult search terms into search engines*
	Every 39 minutes: a new pornographic video* is being created in the United States*