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PETA's Insane Sexiest Vegetarian Alive Voting

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 15 May 2009 15:37:00 GMT

The People For the Ethical Treatment of Tasty Animals, already riding a small wave of publicity from its Sexiest Vegetarian Next Door (read: "nobody activists") competition, has decided to steal a page from People Magazine and follow-up with The Sexiest Vegetarian Alive (read: "celebrities.")

We're pretty sure that they nominated, um, every single vegetarian in Hollywood...

See what we mean at this link. The lists, separated by gender, are far too epic to reproduce here. We've narrowed it down for you, with our favorites, with some tasty photo spreads to help ya out...

The Women:
Alyssa Milano

Bryce Dallas Howard
Christie Brinkley
Cloris Leachman
Emmy Rossum

Erykah Badu

Hayden Panettiere
Jenna Jameson (!)
Kristen Wiig
Thora Birch

The Men:
Alec Baldwin
Anthony Kiedis
Casey Affleck

Forest Whitaker
Jared Leto
Kevin Bacon
Leonard Nimoy
Morrissey
Prince

Thom Yorke
Tobey Maguire

And just so you know: as of this writing, Kevin Bacon's leading everyone. Hot damn, who'da thunk it? (Last year, the winner was Anthony Kiedis, which was indeed a surprise to us.)

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Alec Baldwin's Sexy Gifts

Drew Grant — Thu, 14 May 2009 16:57:00 GMT

Thank god for Alec Baldwin and his tough-love persona. After what happened in 2007 with TMZ and that audio-tape they released where he's goes off on his daughter, the man is still cool enough to poke fun at being a cranky old dad who wants to throw his teenage girl into a volcano. Oh, which is all to say that Alec Baldwin was on Letterman last night, talking about the "marital aids" he gave David for his wedding.

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30 Rock Cast Member Looking for Dates

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Salma Hayek Has Completed the Fameball Trifecta

Emily Farris — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 21:08:00 GMT

One: Salma Hayek rocks 30 Rock as Alec Baldwin's love interest.

Two: Salma Hayek lets an African baby suckle her ample teet.

Three: Salma Hayek marries her baby daddy and French millionaire, Francois-Henri Pinault, on Valentine's Day.

According to French magazine Le Point, as translated by People.com, Hayek, 42, married Francois-Henri Pinault, 46, on Saturday (Valentine’s Day) in the City Hall of the Sixth Arrondissement in central Paris, which is owned by Pinault’s family.

Well played, Salma.

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Sloppy Seconds: Job-Sanctioned Sex

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 22:59:00 GMT

This Mom threw such a hardcore kegger for her son and his friends that the cops found the air at her residence was running a .03 alcohol level.

The members of the Atlanta band The Black Lips are lucky to not be rotting in an Indian prison.

The truth about Joaquin Phoenix should have been obvious to everyone: he was in character for a mockumentary by Casey Affleck.

Buy an LCD TV instead of a plasma one, if you care about the environment.

The post office is considering cutting one day of service if its budgetary demands go unmet. It's time Netflix started its own shipping company and took over the world...

The A-Team really is going to be a movie. Boycott all remakes!

Someone should do a 90-minute documentary on what goes on when these cops strike for an hour-and-a-half.

Let's all get jobs at Canon in Japan so we can receive work-sanctioned early release for sex.

And Meryl Streep told Alec Baldwin she'll do 30 Rock, yay!

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Top 10 Reasons To Watch 30 Rock

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 20:20:00 GMT

As if you need a reason besides the above-pictured lass, the year's #1 entertainer, according to various publications...

Instead of posting much today, we've been checking out last week's episode of 30 Rock and wondering why you haven't done the same. Here are the first ten reasons we could think of (there are at least 2,000 more) for why you should heading to your Netflix account immediately and ordering up the Complete First and Second Seasons, then checking out the show on NBC Thursday nights, starting again January 8th.

10. Although Fey was forced to fire Rachel Dratch in order to cut costs (how much could a cameo as a little blue monster run them?), you can catch the old episodes via DVD-- we defy you not to watch the entire season in one or two sittings.

9. Will Arnett. Will Arnett. Will Arnett, Will Arnett. Better yet, a maniacal Will Arnett with a lust for a chipper NBC page boy.

8. You owe Tina Fey for making your year with her Sarah Palin imitation. This is how you'll thank her.

7. The bit players aren't the stock sitcom types-- they're memorable and ridiculous without being entirely unrealistic.

6. Tracy Morgan's one-liners are so out-of-left-field and off-the-cuff, you'll wonder if he's reading off cue cards or just making this madness up as he rolls along. Seriously, does he?

5. Even the hokey celebrity walk-ons are inspired. From Steve Martin's reclusive rich kook to Jennifer Aniston's bombshell nutcase, this season's earliest episodes may never be topped for sheer consecutive star power.

4. Elaine Stritch's recurring role as Jack's mother, for which she was awarded an Emmy last year, are the highlights of every season. (She was the guest star on last Thursday's Christmas show, which was dynamite. A clip can be found below.)

3. Because the frumpier they try to make Tina Fey look, the more adorable she is.

2. Alec Baldwin is the best comedian working in television today.

1. They're desperately seeking your ratings. Hell, if Oprah can't save them, nobody can...

Sure, we understand that the critically acclaimed yet ratings-challenged "30 Rock" has to do what it can to wrangle viewers, but many of the A-list cameos the show has employed for that purpose have been seriously subpar. Jerry Seinfeld's and Jennifer Aniston's appearances on the series were equally lukewarm. Oddly enough, the standout cameo of 2008 came courtesy of non-comedian Oprah Winfrey, who played herself, opposite an advice-hungry Liz Lemon during a plane flight. Was it a gimmick? Yeah. Did it work? Totally.

Check it out at NBC.

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Serial Killer Husband Has A Lotta Damn Gall...

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 21:34:00 GMT

Drew Peterson killed two of his wives.

As these are only accusations at this point (and barely even that-- the police haven't even charged him with a crime), we could get in a bit of trouble for saying that. But we may have to sacrifice a bit of our own livelihood to wake up this obviously delusional, possible future-victim about to make the biggest mistake of her young life...

An unnamed twenty-four-year-old woman from Bolingbrook, Illinois (if we knew her name, we'd call 4-1-1 and straighten her out, Alec Baldwin-style) is reportedly engaged to Suspect #1, Drew Peterson, whose wife hasn't even been declared dead. This guy's got major cojones-- I thought he was like OJ, searching for the real killer. And hell, at least OJ had the brains not to get engaged during the investigation into his ex-wife's murder.

This guy is one sick individual, God knows what he's capable of doing to his latest early-20's "love." (That's right, his current wife is 24, if she's still alive. How is this guy cleaning up the Illinois-area single women?)

While You Were Sleeping: America's Most Wanted Murder... Solved

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Stop Saying the New Tina Fey Catchphrase

Scanner Matt — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 18:39:00 GMT

It's not the Palin-inspired, "You betcha!" but likely a line Fey came up with herself. We've overheard the phrase used 3 times in public already while unintentionally eavesdropping in New York City.

In the lastest episode of 30 Rock, Tina Fey has a one-liner she likes so much she uses it later on in the show as well. "I want to go to there," spoken with a robotic childlike intonation intentionally putting the accent on the wrong words in the phrase for comic effect while referring to something silly that inspires personal longing. It works when Tina does it, but the amateur impressionists are getting annoying. Here's the original (in the last 10 seconds of the clip):

For example, we heard it in a boutique in Brooklyn on Saturday:

Random Lady (referring to a handbag): Oh, look at that bag!

Random Lady's Lame Friend (walking toward the handbag in a faux trance): I want to go to there.

(Shared naughty giggling follows)

Bleck.

We hope this isn't going to sweep our nation of pop culture parrots. It's reminiscent of the nauseating Jim Carrey retort, "All righty then!" from Ace Ventura: Pet Detective when everyone attempted to reproduce this brand of sarcasm in agressive and obnoxious barks, constantly.

Please stop it. You're embarassing yourself.

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Sloppy Seconds: Divorce for Amy Winehouse?

Emily Farris — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 22:57:00 GMT

Be sure to go outside tonight. And then look up: A slender crescent moon, just 15-percent illuminated, will appear in very close proximity to the two brightest planets in our sky, Venus and Jupiter. Pretty! [Yahoo!]

This article, exploring the best age for sex, rubs our inner fuddy-duddy the wrong way: "And here's another bombshell the survey uncovered with which Mr Hefner might concur: ditching your long-term partner for someone new when you turn 40 is said to guarantee that you'll cash in on the sexual revolution. In other words, by getting a new brawn when you're about to experience a mid-life crisis means you'll be happier in the sack than you ever were before." [Sydney Morning Herald]

Is 30 Rock completely out of good guest stars? Let's let Larry King be the judge of that. [Vulture]

Y'all: Britney Spears' family didn't fuck her up. Her break-up with Justin Timberlake did. [Us]

Yes, Virginia, there is a liberal media. And yeah, it may have favored Barack Obama. [Yahoo!]

Blake Fielder Civil, otherwise known as Blake Incarcerated or Mr. Amy Winehouse, thinks it might be time to let his lady love go. You know, for her own good. [People]

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Solved Mysteries: Tina Fey's Scar

Emily Farris — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 18:41:00 GMT

We all like to pretend we don't care too much about Tina Fey's scar. But maybe you, like us, have conducted a few or more Google searches... only to settle for reading about the origins of Padma Lakshmi's scar instead.

Now your feeble fingers can take a break. Fey's husband spilled the beans to Vanity Fair.

Liz Lemon [Fey's character on 30 Rock] favors her right side. That’s because a faint scar runs across Tina Fey’s left cheek, the result of a violent cutting attack by a stranger when Fey was five. Her husband says, “It was in, like, the front yard of her house, and somebody who just came up, and she just thought somebody marked her with a pen.” You can hardly see the scar in person. But I agree with Richmond that it makes Fey more lovely, like a hint of Marlene Dietrich noir glamour in a Preston Sturges heroine...

Fey herself rarely mentions the episode. “It’s impossible to talk about it without somehow seemingly exploiting it and glorifying it,” she says. Did she feel less attractive growing up because of it? “I don’t think so,” she says. “Because I proceeded unaware of it. I was a very confident little kid. It’s really almost like I’m kind of able to forget about it, until I was on-camera, and it became a thing of ‘Oh, I guess we should use this side’ or whatever. Everybody’s got a better side.”

Okay, but we wonder if she'll write about it in her book. Guess there's no need now...

[Vanity Fair via Gawker]

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Image via Vanity Fair

Sloppy Seconds: What is Jennifer Hudson Smiling About?

Emily Farris — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 22:18:00 GMT

We never really thought of China as a big dairy land, but whatever dairy it has is staying there. The US has banned milk and milk-derived products in an effort to keep products tainted with the industrial chemical melamine off our shelves. [Washington Post]

Three female employees of KMBC 9 News in Kansas City—our former and future home—are suing the station over age and sex discrimination after being told they are 'no longer part of the future' and are oppressively criticized, targeted and harassed after they reach their 40s.' [Plog]

Jennifer Aniston "knows" John Mayer. Biblically and, you know, emotionally. [People]

Speaking of Jen, did you catch her on 30 Rock last night? It sure didn't boost the show's ratings. [Us]

Dr. Green, er Anthony Edwards, coming back from the dead wasn't enough deliver top ratings for ER, either. [Radar]

In the wake of the murders of her mother, brother and nephew, Jennifer Hudson decided to go forward with a GAP ad campaign she, er, shot before the tragedy and thanked fans for their support on her MySpace page. [Yahoo!]

We Got Yer 30 Rock Season Premiere Right Here...

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 19:46:00 GMT

It doesn't even broadcast for another seven days, but we have the 30 Rock season premiere after the jump.

Bonus: we believe it has something to do with the career of Will Arnett... AND it does not involve seeing Tina Fey repeating any of Sarah Palin's most painful moments... so enjoy...

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While You Were Sleeping: More Pregnant Celebrities

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 13:08:00 GMT

Steve Martin, Alec Baldwin, and Meryl Streep. Is there any way this cast could kick more ass?

Married and awesome Daily Show correspondents Jason Jones and Samantha Bee are working on a show for CBS. Oh no-- does this mean we'll never see them again?

Guess which show has become such a phenomenon it's getting a Jeopardy! category all to itself...?

On Friday, October 17, Jeopardy! will have an entire Mad Men category of questions. To tide you over until then, Jeopardy! and Mad Men Mad Men-themed online version of the game! have teamed up to create an entire [Jezebel]

Dennis Hopper, a longtime Republican, endorsed Barack Obama.

M.I.A. and Jamie Lynn Spears are pregnant, while Victoria Beckham denies it. It's that time of year, apparently.

If you see a celebrity in the supermarket, please don't try to impress them by making obscure references that could be mistaken for faint praise. Especially if Edward Norton is that celebrity.

Hurry up if you want Ringo Starr's autograph. Ever.

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Jamie Lynn Spears Pregnant. Again. (Allegedly.) Probably.

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We Didn't Watch The Emmy's, Here's What We Missed...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 14:52:00 GMT

It was a historic night for the Emmy's, and we're pretty sure no one, including us, saw any of it...

Due to the usual record-breaking low ratings this show gets, it was probably lost on the country that Emmy history was made by Don Draper and the rest of the "Mad Men," who took home the Best Drama prize for AMC. This marks the only time a basic cable show has won a "Best" Series award.

Other highlights, according to sources who actually witnessed the program:

1) Ed McMahon said "Herrree's Johnny!" to introduce one of those mundane clip shows from when television was actually watchable. Hopefully, Ed received some sort of a check or at least an uptick in donations, as the poor bastard is in danger of losing his home.

2) Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert introduced something and weren't allowed to say anything political. Yawn.

3) Howie Mandell said he was on Sarah Palin's Bridge To Nowhere, a reference to the fact that his opening host's monologue had to be entirely ad-libbed. Speaking of poor bastards.

4) Bryan Cranston, Laura Linney, Glenn Close, and Tina Fey won well deserved acting awards. And, of course, so did the amazing Alec Baldwin.

5) Lorne Michaels took home another Emmy, as "30 Rock" received a well-deserved Best Comedy award.

6) Tommy Smothers was the only one who got political in an acceptance speech:

"It's hard for me to stay silent when I keep hearing that peace is only attainable through war. And there's nothing more scary than watching ignorance in action," he said, dedicating his award to "all people who feel compelled to speak out, and are not afraid to speak to power, and won't shut up and refuse to be silenced."

Actually, we're going to shut up now and redirect you to Remote Island (see the sidebar), because those guys probably saw it and have much more to say... but there you have it.

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While You Were Sleeping: Slamming The Gates Of The Playboy Mansion

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 15:42:00 GMT

Maybe it's because of our sleep deprivation, but for some reason, this story is hilarious: a gay pirate radio station is disrupting Hong Kong's air traffic control.

Thanks a lot, Alec: the greatest Baldwin is writing in roles for the lesser-known Baldwins in his new movie about the family.

Believe it or not, video games, even Grand Theft Auto, save lives:

Karen Norris, of Streator, will say no such thing. Not after her quick-witted 11-year-old daughter, Audrey Plique, sprung to the rescue of their family because a popular video game showed a potential danger of a vehicle rollover.
"She just knew, from playing 'Grand Theft Auto.' She saw on there that when a car rolls over, it can blow up. She knew that could happen to us," Norris said.

Take that, Tipper Gore.

The man accused of ramming the Playboy mansion gates says he's innocent. Dude, the correct plea is "can ya blame me?"

It was already hard enough to tell these two guys apart without them both being on My Name Is Earl.

"Nicholas Cage encouraged to take acting overseas"-- please, and take Ghost Rider with you.

Hey, at least Tom Cruise thinks Tom Cruise is funny.

And the world's annoying political saga has come to an end: the Mayor of Detroit finally admits that he knew all along he had no chance in hell of surviving his recent scandals and has pleaded guilty. Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick who, as the McCain would love to pointlessly point out, is an Obama supporter, has now given up his office, and will proceed directly to jail. Eventually.

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While You Were Sleeping: Leighton Meester's Jail Story

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 14:46:00 GMT

Would this have been a good or bad thing? Jessica Simpson claims to have considered giving up singing publicly after her widely panned performance at the Kennedy Center Honors tribute to Dolly Parton.

The boys at school must've loved her: A woman named Yvonne Topless got into a fight with her boyfriend on a public bus in England.

The world's luckiest bastard Daniel Radcliffe lost his virginity at the age of sixteen in a manner we can still appreciate...

The 19-year-old actor confessed in a revealing interview to losing his virginity to an older woman - whose age would raise eyebrows.
Radcliffe admitted he celebrated reaching the age of consent, 16, in the customary manner with a much older girlfriend.
But although he insisted the age difference 'wasn't ridiculous', he did say it 'would freak some people out'.

Is Putin the world's most dangerous human being? Even fucking tigers are scared of this guy now.

One of the world's most wonderful people, Stevie Wonder, is to receive a Gershwin Award from the Library of Congress.

Leighton Meester's mom gave birth to her in a Federal prison, according to a shocking new report. (Talk about humble beginnings-- nice work, girl!)

The actress' mother was serving a federal prison sentence in Texas when she gave birth, and although baby Leighton was born in a halfway house, her mom returned to prison after her daughter turned three months. According to America's Star magazine, Meester was raised by a relative while her mother completed time for her role in an illegal drug enterprise.

And Jennifer Aniston is set to become Alec Baldwin's 30 Rock stalker when the funniest show on TV returns. (Let's just enjoy the fact that Alec Baldwin and 30 Rock are returning and forget about whether or not Aniston was the best casting choice...)

The Wire: We Was Robbed (of an Emmy Nomination)

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 15:40:00 GMT

The Wire, the HBO series which some critics believe is the closest thing to Shakespeare we've ever come, has failed in its final attempt to capture a Best Drama Emmy nod.

The lucky ones (Damages, 30 Rock) and the losers (Grey's Anatomy, many more), below...

Best comedy series: 30 Rock, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Entourage, The Office, and Two And A Half Men.

Someday (television) historians will look back and say... what, no "Flight of the Conchords?" And Two And A Half Men? What the fuck is that show?

Best drama series: Boston Legal, Damages, Dexter, House, Lost, Mad Men

It's hard to argue with these choices, except for the fact that The Wire would mop the floor with these shows if anyone actually compared them.

Other nominations of note:

1) Alec Baldwin and Tony Shalhoub face off in the Best lead actor in a comedy department.

2) 30 Rock's seventeen Emmy nominations is a record for a comedy series. Yes, it's that damned good.

3) Mad Men received 16 (!) nods... a week ago, you couldn't find sixteen Emmy voters who had heard of the show, let alone seen it. Hype works, people...

4) The nominations of Damages and Mad Men for best drama is unprecedented: never before has any basic cable series competed in this category.

5) The Wire was nominated for best writing, which it may win on the sympathy factor.

6) Grey's Anatomy and Desperate Housewives were virtually shut out. (Grey's Anatomy got Sandra Oh a best supporting actress nod.)

The full list of nominations is here. Commentary here and here.

Sloppy Seconds: The Baldwins on Gay Marriage and the Unfortunate Pairing of Heidi Montag and Britney Spears

Emily Farris — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 22:39:00 GMT

Alec Baldwin is apparently fine with his born-again Christian brother Stephen's views on gay marriage. We, on the other hand, are not so fine with this creepy picture of the Baldwin brothers.

Will The View''s Elisabeth Hasselbeck just shut the hell up already? Gloria Steinem is evil? Really, Elisabeth? We know it's The "View" and all, but you're not helping women here.

Perhaps we were too quick to diagnose Amy Winehouse with The Herp. Turns out it's probably impetigo, a highly contagious bacterial skin infection that generally affects infants and children.

We listened so you didn't have to: The Hills' Heidi Montag and US Weekly's Britney Spears recorded a song (if you want to call it that) together. Titled "Dramatic," it debuted on Ryan Seacrest's morning show today. If that link doesn't work for you (Mac users) you can try this one. If, after listening for about nine seconds, you want to stab your ears out with a rusty screwdriver, you're not alone.